Keys to a Happy Home - Formatted Khutba
By Zahir Mahmood | 2026-01-19T06:20:56.466935+00:00 | Topic: General
Keys to a Happy Home
By Zahir Mahmood
Opening
Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Raheem. Alhamdulillahi Rabbil Alameen. Salatu wa salam ala Sayyidil Mursaleen, Mawlana Muhammad, wa ala alihi wa ashabihi wa man sabihihum bi ihsanil ila yawmid deen.
Respected brothers, elders, sisters, esteemed scholars, salamu alaikum wa rahmatullah. I will apologize from the outset, the topic is very broad and I need to fit it in within about 20 minutes. So I will just be touching a few important things which I regard as important.
The Dawn of Prophethood: Lessons from Khadija
And I want to really go back to the dawn of nabuwah to understand what relationship that the message of Allah had with his wife Khadija. The dawn of nabuwah was when the Prophet was in the cave and revelation descended upon him. And the Prophet was very perturbed. And the message of Allah at that time had a very large clan.
His uncles were alive, Abu Talib was alive and others were alive. His good friends like Abu Bakr and others were alive. But the interesting thing is that he went to nobody else.
He didn't go to his uncles, he didn't go to his friends. But where did he go? He went straight to Khadija, his wife. So in a time of turbulence, the Prophet went to his beloved wife.
So what did his wife say? What did she say? She didn't say to him, look, I told you not to hang around in caves. This is what happens if you hang around in caves away from the family. But what did she say? She hadn't actually prepared a talk on the life of her beloved. This was impromptu.
She gave him encouragement, such encouragement that history records that encouragement until today. She said, wallahi, she said, (كَلَّا وَاللهِ لا يُخْزِيكَ اللهُ أَبَدًا - Kalla wallahi, la yukhzikallahu abada).
She said, by Allah, Allah will never waste you. Allah will never be, Allah will always remain in your assistance.
(Bukhari hadith 3).
She said, in a nutshell, she said, Allah will never forsake you. Why? Because you have qualities that nobody else has.
The Foundation of Marriage: Being There for Each Other
The real interesting thing here is that in his most difficult time, she was there. And this is what a husband and wife should be like. You know sometimes you come home and you've got a headache or you've had a hard day at work, and you say to your wife, I've had a really hard day at work.
Or the wife comes home and she says, I've had a really hard day at work. And you turn around and you say, you know, I had a harder day than you did. That means you ain't listening.
That means you are not there for your partner. You could say that three hours later. But in the time of difficulty, a husband is meant to be for the wife, and the wife is meant to be for the husband.
And this is why Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala when he defines a wife, He said,
A man finds solace by his wife. When he's had a difficult time, you go to your husband, you go to your wife, they're there for you. That's what you call love.
The True Nature of Love (Mahabba)
What we define as love today is what? You say, oh it was love at first sight. I saw her and I fell in love with her. That ain't love. That may be infatuation, it may be something else, it isn't love. The day that you make the firm conviction after 10, 15, 20 years of your marriage that you are going to stay with this person for the rest of your life, that is love. That one that you saw her and you liked the way she looked, you fancied her.
And after two years, three years, you thought, nah, we're separating. That was never love. And if you look into the Arabic language, this is exactly how love is defined.
You call it mahabba. The word mahabba comes from the word habba. Habba means a seed. You sow the seed and then you work on it. You work on that seed. And after a very, very long time, that seed, it gives its fruits, it gives its vegetation.
But you have to water it, you have to plow it. This is mahabba. And we have this concept of, you know, a marriage, you watch these three hour, four hour movies and they lived happily ever after.
And you think, yeah, that's what I want the rest of my life to be, a honeymoon. There's one ingredient missing in that, and that is hard work.
The Prophet's Teaching on Family Relations
And the Prophet said, in a so beautiful hadith, he said,
(Tirmidhi hadith 3895)
He said, the best of you, listen to this brothers, the best of you are those who are the best to the family.
And I am the best to my family. And another narration related by Imam Tirmidhi, the Prophet said to him, he said, if the entirety of humanity regards you as good, but your family don't regard you as good, in the
eyes of Allah you are no good. Sorry, if the entirety of humanity regards you as good, and your family regards you as no good, in the eyes of Allah you are no good.
And if the entirety of humanity regards you as bad, but your family regards you as good, in the eyes of Allah you are good. Do you know why? Because these are the people who have the most contact with you. You meet brothers and you meet sisters in the masjid, and you think, you say, bro, akhi, ya Allah, if I had a sister, wallahi, I would give this brother my sister.
If I had, you know, a brother, what's so beautiful hijab, everybody looks good in the masjid. In the masjid everybody looks good. As-salamu alaykum brother, ya akhi, mashallah.
But how are you with your family? That's what really counts. In the eyes of Allah and His Rasul, that's the teaching. How are you with your family? If you cannot be good with your family, it's no good being good with other people.
These are your people of your first contact. These are the closest. That's where you took your vow. That's the person that you said that you're going to remain. You took an ahad with Allah. You took an ahad with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that you would be good to that person.
The Impact on Children
And this is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, the best of you is he or she who is the best to their family. And the Messenger of Allah said, I am the best to my family. And you know, the worst thing with all this I'll tell you is, when a husband and wife don't get on, the greatest casualty are the children.
They are the greatest casualty. And you hear husband and wife, often you speak to them, and they come and they see you and they say, you know, I would do anything for my children. I work day and night for my children.
I say simple, why don't you get on with your spouse? Why don't you make an effort there? Successful, happy home.
The Prophet's Example: Entering Home with a Smile
Brothers, when you go home, go home with a smile. Leave your masiba outside. Don't have all smiles only for outside and no smiles at home. When you enter your home, smile. Khadijah says, never did the Messenger of Allah enter the home but he had a smile upon his face.
Wallahi, I find this amazing. I'll tell you why I find it amazing. Because this was the Meccan period in the life of the Prophet. There was never a morning which did not bring a new trial. Never an evening which did not bring a new tribulation. Day and night.
Can you imagine the Prophet would go out in Mecca and he would walk through the streets of Mecca and he would see Bilal being dragged through the streets of Mecca until his skin teared from his back.
Can you imagine the Prophet would go out and he would see Ammar, Yasir, Sumayya, the mother, the father, the child being persecuted. And he would walk up to Ammar because this is all he could do at the time and he would rub his hands over the head of Ammar and he would say
(Ahmad hadith 1419).
He would say, oh family of Yasir, have sabr because I swear by Allah, you're abode by Allah at Jannah. And then after seeing all this, after seeing all this, the Prophet walks home and Khadijah says, never did the message of Allah enter the house but he had a smile on his face.
Umar's Lesson on Family Treatment
You and I are good for the dunya. We are good for the dunya but the people that we should be good for, we got no time for them. In the time of Umar ibn Khattab and everybody knows who Umar was.
When he was Amirul Momineen, one of his governors came into his home and he saw Umar kissing a child. And he said, oh Amirul Momineen, do you kiss children? He said, yes. He said, don't you kiss children? He said, no, no, me.
When me, I walk into the house, it's lockdown. Nobody moves. Even the fish stop swimming. That's my own edition, yeah. That's my own edition. There was no goldfish in Makkah.
Umar had this man demotivated from his post. And he said, that person who is harsh upon his family has no status in this Ummah. That has no status in this Ummah.
A Question for Self-Reflection
I want to ask you a question. Now this is a serious question. When you go home as fathers, as mothers, when you open the doors, do your children come running to you or do they run away from you? I remember I said exactly the same statement in Joburg and there was a Mawlana sitting there and he came to me and he said, Sheikh, Wallahi, that reminds me of my childhood.
He said, we would be sitting with our mother, we would hear our father's car park up and because our father was so harsh, we would run. La ilaha illallah.
The Prophet's Teaching on Mercy with Children
Look at the life of the Prophet. The Messenger of Allah. He was sitting with a man. He was a Bedouin and the Prophet was kissing one of his grandchildren. And this Bedouin said to the Prophet. He said, O Messenger of Allah, you kiss children? And the Prophet said, Yes, I kiss children. He said, I have ten.
They don't make them like they used to. I have ten and I have never kissed any of my children. I have ten children and I have never kissed any of my children.
Listen to the words of the Messenger of Allah. He said
(Bukhari hadith 5998)
He said, Is there anything I can do for you? Is this deen for you when Allah has removed rahmah from your heart? Look at the words. He wasn't beating the children. He wasn't even scolding the children.
And I'm not saying that you should never tell your children off. Sometimes they need to be disciplined. But you look at the Prophet. He said,
He said, Is there anything in this religion for you when Allah has removed rahmah from your heart?
Brothers, sisters, really assess ourselves. How are we with our families? Wallahi, you don't have to be good to me. As long as you're not bad to me, Allah will not ask you. But wallahi, Allah will ask you regarding your spouses.
The Hadith of the Woman Who Prayed and Fasted
They will ask you. You know there was a narration of the Prophet. A group of people came to the Prophet. And listen to this very, very carefully. They came to the message of Allah. And they said, O message of Allah, there's a woman (تُصَلِّي وَتَصُومٌ - she prays and she fasts).
(تُصَلِّي وَتَصُومٌ - She prays and she fasts). But she has one problem. (تُؤْذِي جَارَهَا - But she inconveniences her neighbor).
And I went to check this narration to see if the neighbor was a Muslim or non-Muslim. I couldn't find any mention of the religion of the neighbor. So the Prophet said, She prays and she fasts. But she inconveniences her neighbor. The Prophet said
(Ahmad hadith 9670) She will be in the fire of Jahannam.
The ulema write something really interesting underneath this narration. They say, If this person prayed and fasted, but inconvenienced the neighbor, and ended up in the fire of Jahannam, then what about that person who is harmful and hurtful to their spouse? What about that person who is harmful and hurtful to their spouse?
The Principle of Divine Mercy
So brothers, this is a deen of rahmah. This is a deen of hope. And if you can't pray rahmah with the people within your homes, then it's game over.
You know the message of Allah said, Allah will have mercy upon those who have mercy upon those on the earth. On the day of judgment, when you will need Allah's mercy, Allah will have mercy upon you on
one condition. One condition.
That you had mercy upon other human beings. The ulema say, this narration is (الْجَزَاءُ مِنْ جِنْسِ الْعَمَلِ) Allah will deal with you the way you dealt with the creation of Allah. If you are a person who could never show mercy to other people, you are too big, then Allah, the day that you will need Allah's mercy, Allah will not show you mercy like you did not show other human beings mercy.
If that is the case, if that is the case, then what about that person who could not show mercy to his own children, mercy to his siblings, mercy to his wife, mercy to the husband. What about that person?
Building Strong Communities Starts at Home
And this is why brothers and sisters, you know this is very very important that we get our homes right. Because one of the reasons that we have so many defunct children is that there is no solace, no peace, no tranquility at home.
Why do we have so many children? And look, you may think, oh this guy is coming and he is patronizing us, you know he is from the UK, etc. Alhamdulillah, I lived in South Africa for three years, many left in 94. So I know the South African set up.
And therefore we need to be people who show mercy. We need to be people who give hope to other individuals. Not just to our families.
The Prophet brought a deen which gave hope to people. Who were the vast majority? Who were the vast majority of people who embraced Islam? Early people. There were people who were nobodies in society.
Why did they? Because the Prophet gave them hope. He showed them mercy. They had seen something that they had never ever seen before.
And this is why if we can't show, listen, if you and I can't show mercy within our homes, then forget about speaking about the ummah. Because we will never have tranquility. And this is why we have so many children who find more peace and tranquility on the streets than they find at home.
Because why? Mum and dad are always at loggerheads. Mum and dad are always squabbling, fighting. They'd rather hang out with the boys. They'd rather start taking... They find more affiliation in gangs than they find at home. They find more peace with the gangsters than they find at home. And I'm not justifying gangsters.
But I'm saying, if you want an ummah, then start at home. If you create the home, you will create a community. If you create a community, you will create a nation. If you create a nation, you will create an ummah. But if you can't create anything at home, then dream on.
Focus on Giving, Not Taking Rights
And I don't want to make people feel bad because sometimes it's out of your hands. Some marriages are so messed up, your spouse. But generally, generally, if you're a good person, if you give, you will be reciprocated. The problem with too many Muslims is that we're like civil rights activists.
We enter the marriage and we say, here's my rights. You see my baby? You see my rights? These are my rights. This is the male's rights. She's got her list. These are my rights. You see my rights? You end up like civil rights activists.
These are my rights. No, give rights and you will receive rights. Be people of giving, not people of taking. Marriage is the place where you give and then you get in return. Not that you always want. You know all your rights.
Shaykh, I'm the husband. Here's my rights. She doesn't fulfill my rights. She's got her list. Shaykh, my husband never fulfilled my rights. Ya Rabb, give rights.
Look after each other, show rahma.
The Story of the Prostitute and the Dog
And my time is up, so I'm going to finish on one narration here. And remember this narration. You've all heard this narration, but it's an amazing narration on rahma. I want to give a different understanding to the narration.
You heard the narration, related by Imam Muslim, Imam Bukhari and others, of the lady from Bani Israel. She was a lady who was of a loose character. The narration mentioned that she liked to touch and she liked to be touched. So one day she sees a dog.
It's lapping, it has its tongue out, out of thirst. And she feels sorry for this dog and she descends into the well. In some narrations, she took off her sock. In some narrations, she took off her shoe. So she takes off her shoe and she fills it with water and then she holds the shoe full of water between her teeth and then she climbs up. So she climbs up and then she gives this dog water.
Dog. They call it... If you want to offend somebody in English, you call him a dog. If you want to offend him in Urdu, you call him a qutta. If you want to offend him in Arabic, you call him a kalb. According to the three madhabs, it's najas. According to the malikis, they say that lu'ab is permitted to a degree. To a degree. It's an impure animal. She gave it water.
And Allah forgave this woman who was a prostitute (Bukhari hadith 3467, Muslim hadith 2245). And if Allah forgives you, you're going to Jannah. On the other hand, we have a narration that there was a woman who starved a cat. And the cat died. A cat. And the Prophet said that she will be thrown into the fire of Jahannam (Bukhari hadith 3318, Muslim hadith 2242).
The Deeper Lesson
Why is Allah and His Rasul giving you and I examples of cats and dogs? Think about it. You think Allah and Rasul have nothing better to do than give examples of cats and dogs? The reason that Allah and Rasul are giving example of cats and dogs, because Allah is saying, if you have mercy upon a dog, which is an impure species, you have mercy upon it, Allah will forgive you. What about if you have mercy upon another human being? What about if you have mercy upon your wife, your husband and your children?
If you are cruel to a cat, then Allah and Rasul are saying that Allah will throw you into the fire of Jahannam. What about if you're cruel? You got mates at home? What about if you're cruel to your mates? What about if you're cruel to other human beings? What about if you're cruel to your wife, your husband, your children?
Conclusion: Be People of Mercy
And this is why, brothers, be people of mercy. If you want Allah's rahmah on the day of judgment, then have rahmah upon other people. And have rahmah, wallahi, upon those who nobody else has rahmah.
And I say this. The Prophet shallallahu alaihi wa sallam's sifah was that he was taqsib al-ma'doom. He helped those who were ma'doom. You know what the word ma'doom means. When Khadija defined him, she said, taqsib al-ma'doom, you help ma'doom. The word ma'doom comes from the word al-adam.
Adam means nobody's in society. Work in those townships. Don't have stereotypes of other people.
Yesterday I was in Manenberg, which they call Mominberg now. I was in Manenberg with Mawlana Abdul Rahman. And wallahi, I saw the work that Mawlana Abdul Rahman was doing.
Mawlana Abdul Rahman could get jobs in other places, but he works in that place. Works from evening. And I was shocked. The day before that, I was in Qailish just seeing the tahfiz al-Qur'an. We and you, me and you, have stereotypes regarding these people. We will justify to us that we should not help them because of this and this and this.
But the message of Allah, wallahi, was not like that. He helped those who nobody was ready to help. And that's why they're rewarded.
You can be good to Shaykh Zaheer, it's easy. But be good to those who are ma'dum. That is the sunnah of the Prophet. The man came into the masjid and he urinated. And the Prophet said, stop, leave him. Let him urinate. Let him finish.
He finished. And then the Prophet said, this is a place where you do not urinate. And the man said, may Allah have mercy upon me and Muhammad and nobody else. Because the others were ready to attack
him. And he said, look at the character. Because the Prophet did not buy into stereotypes like you and I had.
Final Duas
So I make dua that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give us the tawfiq to be people of rahmah. That Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give us unity. That Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala keep us united in dunya and reunite us in Jannah for those.
And I want to thank the masjid committee for giving me this opportunity. And you know what? There's a seven of us here from the UK. I've seen Cape Town many times.
Personally, personally, and I've traveled the world by the grace of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. I think you have the most beautiful city, natural city in the world. And mashallah, the brothers and the sisters that we have met in Cape Town, mashallah, the warmth and the welcome.
Alhamdulillah, may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala reward you. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give you an increment in it. But appreciate what Allah has given you.
Couple of years ago, I gave a talk in Paltzmoor. So I was there, I gave a talk in Paltzmoor. I said I want to give a talk in Paltzmoor. Paltzmoor is very famous in the UK. And I said to the inmates, I said, you know, I feel sorry for you guys. So you live in the most beautiful city in the world, and you're banged up here.
So may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala keep all your hearts united in this dunya. And may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala reunite us in jannat for those. Jazakallah to Imam Sahib Sheikh.
Barakallah for you.