What I Learned from a Mother of Three Children with Special Needs - Corrected Khutba

What I Learned from a Mother of Three Children with Special Needs

By Yasmin Mogahed - Muhsen

Opening

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah and upon his family and companions.

Introduction: A Personal Connection

This is a topic that I personally feel strongly about. I actually learned quite a bit a few years ago about this topic. I mean, I think growing up we've always sort of felt that there are some people who are different than us.

But I think that for me it became more personal many years ago when I met a friend of mine. At the time I didn't know her, but she was someone who came up to me in the masjid and she told me her story. And ever since I learned her story, I've just been friends with her ever since.

And it's just been something that's changed the way I've seen a lot of parts of life really. And usually I like to share her story because her story is very inspirational, but there's something I want to add about her story and it's something that I hope that we can, it's something that you and I can actually take home and implement.

The Story: A Mother's Trial

So what she told me that day when she met me was that she many years ago had a daughter and when her daughter was I think around three or so, she stopped talking.

So she grew, she was born able to speak and able to do the things that, you know, most children that age are able to do. But then what happened is around the age of three, she stopped talking and her teachers didn't know why. She told, you know, they told the parents. She took her to the doctor and what she found out after some testing is that her daughter had a rare genetic disorder called MPS. And the doctor informed this mother that due to this disorder, her daughter would slowly lose her faculties. So she would lose her ability to do things for herself, her ability to walk, her ability even to sit up, eventually lose the ability to even swallow properly her own saliva.

A Hidden Blessing We Take for Granted

And at this point, when this mother was telling me this, she was telling me that because of the inability to swallow properly, and this is something that just never even crossed my mind as one of the many lists of blessings that we should be grateful for. But our ability to properly swallow our saliva keeps us from choking to death. And we don't always realize this.

I mean, how many times a year do we swallow but we don't say (الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ - Alhamdulillah) like I never even thought about it. But this just this one blessing that Allah has given us actually is keeping us alive, which is amazing. And she said that because of that inability, she has to suction so that they don't choke.

The Trial Multiplied

But she said that after she had a little bit later, she had a second daughter, and she started to they started to see some, I think they may have gotten tested when they were babies. And she found out that the second daughter also had the same genetic disorder of MPS. And then she had a third daughter and found out that her third daughter also had MPS.

So now my friend was telling me that she had three daughters with MPS. And she's being told that this is what's going to happen to your daughters. There's no cure at this time.

And you should you know, you shouldn't really you shouldn't expect your daughter to live even past their teenage years. And imagine a mother hearing this. And then she had a fourth child with severe autism.

I've never met anyone with with that kind of, obviously, that kind of strength to be given that kind of challenge and that kind of blessing all in one. And I'll explain how she then dealt with it and what I learned from her.

First Lesson: Drowning in Gratitude

But what really struck me was a few points. And that is first, she was talking about her life. And in her conversation about her life, she said, quote, "I'm drowning in gratitude." And why that struck me so much is because we have we can't, I can't, we can't wrap our minds around something like that, hearing something like that.

And yet we with our lives have trouble sometimes being thankful, we have sometimes trouble being grateful. Although we have, you know, what would be considered complete ease in comparison to what she has. And yet she was saying she was drowning in gratitude.

The True Nature of Ease and Hardship

And what that taught me is that ease and hardship aren't just about what you're given in life. But ease and hardship have to do with the state of your heart, and the state and one's relationship with Allah and the help that Allah gives. So the powerful lesson I learned from her life, among many, was that if Allah helps you, then you can handle even the greatest storms.

And not only can you handle them, but to be able to be standing in that storm, and being grateful, not only that you're surviving, but that you're thriving, that absolutely amazed me. And to me, that was a sign of Allah. That, you know, as there's a hikmah that says that, you know, there is nothing that is difficult, if you seek it through Allah, and there's nothing that is easy if you seek it through yourself.

There is nothing difficult with Allah, and nothing easy with the nafs (self).

That reality was really shown to me by watching her life.

Second Lesson: The Power of Community

But there's something else that I learned from watching her and from throughout the years that I've learned from her. And that is the absolute in the power of the community to either build these families or to completely cut them down.

What I was amazed to discover is there was another woman who was her neighbor at the time, who had gone through a terrible tragedy, in which her she lost her son in a very painful way. And he died in a very painful way, through an accident, when he was very young. And I was speaking to both of these women, these what I consider giants.

The Community's Greatest Failure

And what they both told me and subhanAllah, I stood there and I listened to both of them tell me the same thing, which is that despite everything that they had gone through, and all of their challenges, their greatest pain came from the way the community ostracized them. Their greatest pain and that blew me away. Their greatest pain came from the way the community treated them.

And the way the community sort of alienated and ostracized them. And I was just amazed because that is something that you and I can do. That's, that's such an easy test to pass.

Our Test as a Community

You see, everybody's given tests, right? Everyone agree? Everybody is given tests. Some people have harder tests than others, but everybody is tested. Now imagine that our test, if we ourselves are not tested in that way, but our test is to support those who are tested in that way.

That means your test is easy, right? And for us to fill that test is something that I can't, you know, that's, I can't find an excuse. For our only test to be to give compassion and support, you know, because this social support, psychologists have found that it is absolutely invaluable. That the social support, that the effect of social support to help families with special needs children, it can't even be measured.

And yet the community failed in that test. And they did not only did they not support these families, but they even shunned them, at times did not include them and ostracize them from the community. So the reason why I want to point that out is that's something everyone can do, regardless of your own personal situation, regardless of whether or not you yourself have someone in your family who has special needs, but what you can do is you can support those who do.

Third Lesson: Seeing Doors to Jannah

And then finally, I want to wrap up with this, something also that just shook me, when she found out about her children, she shared with this story with me, she said that her husband was heartbroken. And she was obviously also, it was a very difficult news to hear. But what her husband said to her at the time was, you know, in his sadness, he said, "I feel like I'm looking at three graves."

And what she responded, it was something that I never forget, and something actually her husband would never forget. And even to this day, he, you know, I went recently to a fundraiser that they had put on for MPS awareness. And he stood up, this was just recently, a few months ago, he stood up and he said, "I learned from my wife."

And what he said was that when I said that, she responded and said, "I see three doors to Jannah." And that's how she viewed it. And subhanallah, that's so powerful.

I see three doors to Paradise.

Because that's exactly right. Allah has a path for each of us. And Allah gives us different opportunities to reach him.

The Role Each of Us Must Play

And everyone has a role to play. And I'm saying this because everyone has a role to play. There's a role that she has to play.

And there's a role that we as a community have to play for these families. I ask Allah to make it easy for all those who struggle. I ask Allah to make us that that one body that she spoke about, where if one side of the body is in pain, the entire body responds.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

The example of the believers in their affection, mercy, and compassion for each other is that of a body. When a limb suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever. (Bukhari hadith 6011, Muslim hadith 2586)

Closing

O Allah, make it easy for all those who struggle. O Allah, make us that one body that Your Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) spoke about, where if one side of the body is in pain, the entire body responds.

Our Lord, give us good in this world and good in the hereafter, and save us from the punishment of the Fire.

And may Allah send prayers upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon his family and companions all.

And peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah and His blessings.