The Four Greatest Women in Islam Maryam - Corrected Khutba

The Four Greatest Women in Islam: Maryam (alaihis salam)

Ustadah Yasmin Mogahed

"In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful."

"I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Shaytan."

"All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds. May peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah, his family, and all his companions."

"I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger."

"My Lord, expand for me my breast [with assurance] and ease for me my task."

"Thereafter..."

Introduction: The Story Begins

Now the story of Maryam begins when she was still in her mother's womb. When she was in her mother's womb, her mother made sort of like a vow to Allah that she wanted to dedicate her child to the service of Allah. But Maryam's mom thought that she was having a son. She expected that she was going to have a son and that son was going to devote his life to Allah.

So Allah says in Surah Al-Imran verse 35:

"Oh my Lord, I do dedicate unto Thee what is in my womb for Thy special service. So accept this of me, for Thou hearest and knowest all things."

But see what happened was, when she had the baby, it wasn't a male, it was a female obviously. So what happened was when she delivered the baby, she said:

"Oh my Lord, behold, I have delivered a female child. And God knew best what she brought forth. And I commend her and her offsprings to thy protection from Shaitan, the rejected."

Lessons from the Mother's Approach

She had expected her baby to be a male child who would grow up as a scholar or religious leader. So that's what she had expected. But SubhanAllah, Allah had a different plan.

So one thing first we can reflect on this part of the story is that sometimes we make plans and we think that something would be best done in a certain way and we make plans in that way. But in the end, Allah says that we plan and Allah plans and Allah is the best of planners.

So sometimes things do not work out in the form that we think or in the form that we plan, but it works out in a better way and that's Allah's plan. In this case, Allah knew better. And instead of her having a male, she had a female. Even though it wasn't her plan, it was a better plan.

So when she says... So then the Ayah continues, the Quran continues and says, "And God knew best what she brought forth." So Allah is saying that He knew best. She was kind of surprised when she had a female and she says, "Oh, I ended up delivering a girl." Allah knew best, this was part of Allah's plan.

Reflections on Islamic Education of Children

From the very beginning, the plan of the mother - I mean the mother, think about it - the mother, even before the child is born, is planning on having a child that will be dedicated to Allah. So this kind of gives us something to reflect about too when you're thinking about having children or the whole concept of raising children - that how the parents have to be committed to that goal for their children as well. And how they have to, from the very beginning, and it starts very, very early.

One thing about that, just sort of a commentary on that: A lot of times we, like parents, they might not give their children sort of the Islamic education when they're young. And then once the children get older, the children might not have any exposure or much exposure to Islamic education or Islamic environment. Sometimes people send their children to full time Islamic schools as sort of a substitution for learning Islam in the home or seeing Islam practiced in the home, which obviously it isn't, it can't be a substitution.

But it's not taught when they're young. And then once the children get to be older, teenager, whatever, now you want to instill it, right? Now you want to force it. Now you want to force it down the child's throat. And that doesn't work. What does the child do? Rejects it, usually, and rebels. Because it wasn't something that they had growing up. It wasn't something they learned to be attached to, to love, to understand.

And then when you get older, now the kid is kind of like out of control. Now you want to use, sometimes you know, the parents want to use Islam to control the children, to make the children maybe listen to the parents and be able to control the children. It doesn't work like that. It has to be something that's from the root, from the beginning, and it has to be taught in the right way too.

Teaching Children Through Love, Not Fear

One of the problems I think there is in the way that we teach our children about Islam, even when they do have Islamic education as children, I feel like we teach it in the wrong way. So much of it is haram, haram, and more haram, right? And hellfire, hellfire, and more hellfire. And I look at that like it teaches these children like through fear.

And this is, I really, I mean I think this is the wrong way to teach children about Allahsubhana wa ta'ala. First and foremost, it's not accurate because Allahsubhana wa ta'ala says:

(Bukhari hadith 7553)

"My mercy supersedes my wrath." Allahsubhana wa ta'ala's mercy is more than his wrath. His attributes of mercy and forgiveness are more emphasized than his wrath. So for me as a parent to teach my children the other way around is inaccurate. First of all, it's inaccurate.

Second of all, why am I teaching my children about hellfire? Because my children are not even held accountable at that point, right? What I should be teaching my children at that point is to love Allah subhana wa ta'ala and to want to be with Allahsubhana wa ta'ala in Jannah and to want, you know, that the motivation would be out of love for Allahsubhana wa ta'ala and gratitude.

Because if you teach your children, look at all the things Allahsubhana wa ta'ala has given you. If you teach your children through gratitude, like Allahsubhana wa ta'ala has given you this and this. And imagine, like, if you give your child a gift and you say, okay, this gift is from your grandfather. And maybe that grandfather sends a gift every single day to that child, and every day you give the gift to the child and you say, this is from your grandfather. Oh, here's another one from your grandfather. Here's another one, here's another one. Every single day of that child's life.

What's going to happen with that child's relationship with the grandfather? Right? That child is going to love that grandfather. It's going to build love in that child's heart naturally. When you're given and you realize and you recognize that you're being given gifts, you're going to love that giver of gifts automatically.

So if you teach your children in this way, that everything you have is from Allahsubhana wa ta'ala, and you teach your children about Jannah, and you teach your children about Allahsubhana wa ta'ala and loving Allahsubhana wa ta'ala, this creates a relationship with the child, with Allah, as someone who you want to please. Someone you want to please because think of all the things He's given you, and think about Jannah. And so it becomes a desire to please Allahsubhana wa ta'ala.

And if the child grows up that way, the hope is that that will only grow in the child. And it's not just, you know, you come and say, "Oh, you know, like, if you don't do this you're going to go to hell," or, you know, "everything is haram." And the child starts to grow up, gets to their teenage years and is like, "I don't want to have anything to do with this. Like, I can't even I can't do anything." And the idea hasn't been taught in the right way.

The Protection from Shaytan

Look at the mother of Maryam. It's starting while she's still in her womb. While her child is still in her womb, and she's asking Allahsubhana wa ta'ala - this is something else - she's asking Allahsubhana wa ta'ala to protect her child from Shaytan.

This is another thing that our, no, like, we can never protect our children. No matter what we do, in the end, Allahsubhana wa ta'ala is the protector. And only Allahsubhana wa ta'ala can protect your child from all the harm of this world, possible harm of this world, and the harm of Shaytan.

Shaytan is an unseen thing. I cannot call the police on Shaytan. I can't call ghostbusters. I can't do that. There's no way for me to protect, you know, I can't go to, like, my means to protect myself or my children from Shaytan. There's only one protection from Shaytan, from myself and from my children, and that's through Allahsubhana wa ta'ala.

So she's seeking the protection from Allahsubhana wa ta'ala for her child.

Maryam's Special Care and Allah's Provision

And then in Ayah 37 of Surah Al-Imran, Allah states:

That he accepted Maryam as her mother had asked and he made Maryam grow in purity. She was assigned to the care of Zakariya. Now, this is interesting because she got this very special opportunity and she was assigned to the care of Zakariya, who was, you know, he was himself a knowledgeable scholar. He was a worshipper himself.

And what would happen is every time Allahsubhana wa ta'ala tells us in Surah Al-Imran that every time Zakariya would enter into the room, he would find Maryam - there would be, like, all this sustenance. She'd have all this provision. And he would ask her.

So every time that he entered her chamber to see her, he found her supplied with sustenance. And he said, "O Maryam, whence comes this to you? From where did this come to you?" She said, "From God, from Allah. For Allah provides sustenance to whom he pleases without measure."

Look at this statement. So he comes in, he finds her with all this sustenance, and then he asks where did this come from? And she replied that it comes from Allahsubhana wa ta'ala. For Allah provides sustenance without measure.

You know whenever, whenever I, if I provide something or someone provides something for me, they keep track of it. There's a hisar. You know, if I have, like, if I borrowed money or something or someone's giving me something, they're gonna keep track of how much they gave me. You know, because the idea is, or even if it's not like that. You do a favor for someone, right? You do a favor for someone, and it could be, like, years later: "Remember when I did that thing for you?" You know, like, you keep track of it.

Allahsubhana wa ta'ala is saying here that he does things and he gives and he gives and he gives without keeping track, without measure. There's no hisar. So Allahsubhana wa ta'ala is boundless, you know, in his giving and in his generosity. When he gives, he gives. So she's saying this.

Zakariya's Inspired Prayer

Now this is really interesting. Look what this almost inspires in Zakariya. Zakariya, at this point, he doesn't have a child and he wants a child. And guess what? He's in a real, I mean, he basically is in a situation where to have a child is pretty much impossible because his wife is barren and he's very old. Okay? So he's very old and his wife is barren.

But it's almost like the lesson he learned, you know, like, what was inspired from seeing Maryam? Maryam has all this provision. She's saying Allah gives without measure. So it almost inspires in him hope to ask Allahsubhana wa ta'ala for what he wants from Allahsubhana wa ta'ala.

So he asks Allahsubhana wa ta'ala for a child even though he's saying, you know, like, "I'm old and my bones are old. I'm so old and my hair is grey and everything and white and my wife is barren. What, can you give me a child?"

You know, it's like when you know something is totally impossible but you still have hope in Allah subhana wa ta'ala. That's deep, right? Because it's impossible, but you still have hope in Allahsubhana wa ta'ala. And that's what he says. He says so that because I never want, I never - he said he would never despair. He never wants to despair in his du'a to Allahsubhana wa ta'ala.

Lessons from Musa's Impossible Situation

His du'a is not answered, although it looks impossible. Now this reminds me of the story of Musa alayhis salam. When Musa is in an impossible situation, Musa's impossible situation was what? He has Pharaoh and his army behind him, right? And he has a red sea in front of him. This is a really impossible situation. Completely trapped, right? That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like by any standard.

And yet, look at his resolve. When his people said to him:

"We're going to be overtaken. We're doomed." But then he said:

So then Musa alayhis salam, he says he is not shaken. He is not worried. He says, "By no means. My lord is with me. Indeed my lord is with me and he will guide me through."

So the comfort - right away there's a voice that comes and tells her to shake the tree. And first of all, it comforts her by saying "Grieve not." I'm still stuck on the last one. It says "grieve not." So there's that comfort. And then Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala provides her with that comfort and he tells her to shake the tree and dates fall:

"And it will let down fresh dates onto you. So eat and drink and cool your eyes."

It's like Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is telling, is giving her this way to be comforted. And he's saying, "And cool your eyes."

The Test of Silence and Allah's Protection

And if thou dost see any man - next, what is she told? She is told that:

"If you see any person, say to them that I have vowed a fast to Allah and this day I will enter into no talk with any human being."

She is told by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to not speak to any human being. This is really deep by the way. The point here - now think about it for a second. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is telling her don't speak.

Now had she spoken, what basically - what do we do when we're in trouble? We're in a difficult situation. Somebody is coming to me and is attacking me, is accusing me. I'm in trouble. What do we do? We try to use our means to protect ourselves. What's our means? I use my voice. I defend myself. I try to explain. I try to do this. I try - my voice and speaking out for myself is my means to protect myself, right?

Look what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is telling her. He's telling her, "Close off your means. I got you, right? I'm gonna take care of you. You don't use your own means." Because what's gonna happen?

Now imagine she comes into town and she's holding a baby and she could use all the means. She could use all the words in the world to try to explain this. And she can't. No amount of words she tried to explain - "Oh but this happened and then the angel came and..." Everyone - it's not gonna do anything for her.

So what does Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala do? Tells her, he tells her, you know, it's basically like, "I just love you because I got your back. You know, I'm gonna take care of this. I got this. You stay quiet. I got this."

So then what does he do? He makes the baby speak. See? Had she spoken, it would have done nothing. So what does he do? He makes the baby speak. This is Allah now. Allah is now taking over. And when the baby speaks, khalas. You have a baby speaking and he says - and he speaks on her behalf.

So he says, obviously we know at this point he says that he says that I am - what he is, right? That he's the prophet of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Once that happens, you know now, you know Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has taken care of her.

The Lessons of Trust and Attachment

Okay, SubhanAllah. What are the lessons here? So many lessons. One of the things that especially like the fact that when she was first told that she's gonna have a child and she's, you know, she's very naturally very anxious because she's not married. But Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala had her back the whole time. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala - he put her in that situation. When Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala puts you in a situation and you put your trust in him, He's gonna take care of you. He is going to give you what you need to get through that situation.

So how does he - okay so it's normal to feel depressed at times or sad because of your situation. So how do you establish that boundary within yourself? Because Islam doesn't say anything about denying your emotions to your conscience. So how do you establish that boundary within yourself to letting yourself be sad?

Managing Emotions in Islam

So the question she asked is - okay so we learn from this that it's okay to feel sad. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala doesn't - we're not taught to deny our emotions. But how do we draw the line between basically falling into where it takes over, where the maybe the depression takes over? Or how do we draw that line?

So I think that, I think that when it comes to emotions, we know first of all that emotions are from Allah. In fact, emotions are a creation of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Everything is a creation of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Moreover, everything can become a means to get to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. A tool to get to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Even our emotions.

So what we need to do with our emotions is use them to get to Allah. We need to be in control of our emotions. Our emotions should not be in control of us. So if I feel sadness, I can use that sadness to actually get me closer to Allah.

When I feel sad, for example, you know when you think about the times in your life when you felt sadness or you were going through a hardship and it was very difficult for you. That hardship itself, that sadness itself probably led you to pray with a lot more khushu'a than you ever did before. That hardship and that sadness made you turn to Allah in a more humble and intense and needy way than you ever could before. So you see how even the sadness itself is a means if used correctly.

Now, now the other side of it - if that sadness consumes me to such an extent that I can't turn to Allah, it paralyzes me, that's the problem. Then that means that the emotion is controlling me. I'm not controlling the emotion.

The goal of our emotions, the goal in fact of everything in life is to use it to take me to Allah. Use it to take me to Allah. Even mistakes. Even when I make a mistake - we're human beings, right? We all make mistakes. We're not angels. We're not going to become angels anytime soon. So when I make a mistake, I could do one of two things. I could use that mistake to paralyze me, to make me fall and not want to get back up and say what's the point, it's hopeless, I'm just going to keep on going down. Or I can use that mistake to humble me and make me realize my need for Allah more and therefore get me closer to Him.

So you see how we can use SubhanAllah everything in our life, every circumstance, every emotion if used correctly, even if it's a sin. Even if it's a sin. Even if I committed a sin, I can repent to Allah subhanallah ta'ala and it can perhaps clean my heart and bring me closer to Allah subhanallah ta'ala than if I was doing a lot of good deeds and I was very arrogant.

Sometimes we do a lot of good deeds. We become deceived by our deeds. We become very pleased with our deeds, which is actually funny because nothing we do can ever be sufficient for what Allah subhanallah ta'ala deserves. So it's ridiculous for me to be pleased with my - pleased in the sense, yes I'm happy when I'm worshipping Allah subhanallah ta'ala. But pleased in the sense of arrogance. Pleased in the sense of, "Oh I'm something. I'm really religious." And then we look down on other people. That that is, that's a deception.

So sometimes I might slip and that slip - what does it make me do? It humbles me. It makes me check myself. Check my ego. And it brings me to Allah subhanallah ta'ala in a humble way. And in this way it's good for me if it does that. It's good for me because if it drives me to Allah subhanallah ta'ala then hamdulillah.

The problem is when we mess up or something happens, something hits us and it just paralyzes us. We lose hope. The problem is in losing hope. Yes it's okay to feel sad. Let that sadness drive you to Allah. Let that sadness make you cry to Allah. Because if you can cry to Allah then you are better off than someone with a hard heart. Maybe they have, they have a lot of ease but their heart is hard and they can't cry to Allah. You're better off.

Understanding Healthy vs. Unhealthy Attachment

One thing I also wanted to point out on the issue of sadness and depression is that I think that there are different - and you'll see this in your life - there are different levels of despair, different levels of sadness. And I think that those different levels of sadness correspond to attachments.

So sometimes when we have something that we're so attached to in a way that we're not supposed to be, in a way that we're only supposed to be attached to Allah, and we become dependent on these things. So these things are sometimes other people. These things are sometimes money. These things are sometimes status or wealth, you know, image, whatever it is. And we become very attached to these things in a way that we shouldn't.

And the way that I describe it is we put these things in our hearts. These things are not where they're supposed to be, which is in our hands. They're in our hearts. And so what happens when something is in our hearts other than Allah, something we are dependent upon and attached to in that way, when it's taken away it causes absolute devastation.

And so this, this sadness when it takes over in the way where it's very debilitating, it's very, it basically it paralyzes me, I'm not able to fully function anymore, that's a sign that I had, I had an attachment, an unhealthy attachment to that which was taken.

So these are actually signs for us. They're indicators for us that we need to make a change in our attachments. When something is causing you so much pain and so much hardship and anguish that you're not really even able to function, it's a different level than sadness. Sadness is natural. You know, human beings, we feel sad. The prophet said he felt sadness and he lost, you know, his grandson, etc.

But when I'm talking about something different, I'm talking about when it's like I can't eat, sleep, I can't think about anything else, I can't function. I'm talking about serious, serious, you know, anguish and despair. That's a sign that I needed, I need to change that attachment. That there's an, there's an improper and unhealthy attachment to that. And that's what's gonna happen.

It's actually a mercy from Allah subhana wa ta'ala that Allah puts that pain in there. And the reason is that you think about pain in general. Pain - why does Allah make us feel pain? Think about it for a second. Reflect on the fact that Allah subhana wa ta'ala makes us feel pain. Why does it, why do I feel pain when I touch fire? Why does my skin feel pain? Exactly. So that you'll remove your hand.

I feel pain when I touch a hot stove so that I will immediately move my hand. If my hand were numb and I didn't feel the pain and I didn't know that my hand was on something hot, what would happen? Until it burns off my skin. The pain indicates to me that I need to make a change. I need to remove my hand.

If I have pain in my chest, it tells me I have a heart problem and I go and I see the doctor. If I never had that chest pain, guess what? I wouldn't know that I have a heart condition, that the veins going to my heart are closed, and as a result one day I have a heart attack and die. I have no warning that there's a problem that needs to be solved.

Similarly, emotional pain does the same thing. It tells me there's a problem in my emotional attachments. There's a problem at an emotional level. If it's causing me this much pain, there's a problem and I need to make a change. And usually, I mean that change, what needs to happen is I need to take that attachment which I had on that thing and put it to Allah. That attachment usually needs to be on Allah subhana wa ta'ala, not on that object, whatever it was.

This doesn't mean I don't love things. It doesn't mean I don't love to have people in my life. I don't love to have money. I don't - these things are all gifts of Allah subhana wa ta'ala which we love to have. And Allah loves to give. Allah is al-wahab. He loves to give gifts. But the problem is when I become dependent on the gift instead of the giver. That's the problem. And it will cause a lot of pain. It will cause a lot of pain.

Closing

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Thank you for inviting me to your school. Good night.