Spiritual First Aid Taking Care of the Heart in a World That Neglects It - Corrected Khutba

Spiritual First Aid: Taking Care of the Heart in a World That Neglects It

Speaker: Yasmin Mogahed

Opening

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

All praise is due to Allah, Lord of all the worlds. May peace and blessings be upon the most noble of prophets and messengers, our leader Muhammad, and upon his family and all his companions.

Let me start by saying it's a pleasure to be here with you. It's always really nice to see people take time out of their lives for things like this.

The Importance of Inner Work

I see these types of discussions as absolutely essential. Because we spend a lot of time focusing on taking care of our physical existence. We spend a lot of time worrying about our bodies, which is important. We spend a lot of time worrying about things like image and appearance. But not so much time is always spent on talking about the inner world and talking about our spiritual needs. And so, I think it's extremely important that we do take time for these things.

And I appreciate you coming. And I ask Allah to grant us Tawfiq and success and Barakah in our time.

Setting Intentions

If I can, before I begin, ask you for two favors, two requests. And that is that I ask that everyone in this room set an intention. And the reason I ask that, I try to ask this whenever I speak to an audience, is that we're taught a few principles by Allah. And that first principle is that matters are by intention.

(Bukhari Hadith 1)

"Actions are by intention, and everyone will have what they intended."

So intention is very important in everything that we do. That we set a purpose of what we hope to gain. And the other reason that this is important is that we have to set goals. We have to know where we're going if we want to end up there.

So a destination is very important, right? When you're going somewhere and you take out your GPS, you need to know the address if you're going to end up there. You need to be clear on where you want to go, where you want to end up, for you to actually end up there.

So I want to ask you, what do you hope to gain? What do you hope to take home with you? Why did you come? What's your goal? And set that very clear within yourself.

And I'm assuming I have a mix of Muslims and maybe some non-Muslims. But for those who are Muslim, I want to ask you to make du'a. That Allah give you that which you came to get. That Allah put barakah, blessing and success in the time we have. So that everyone who came to get something goes home with that. And that it actually is something that's beneficial.

The Seen and Unseen Worlds

We live in a world that is quite distracting and can be quite materialistic. And what does that mean? It means that there are basically two parts to our existence. One part is the physical or the seen world - the things that we can see and feel and touch. And then we know that there is the unseen world - the things that we can't see.

We can't see the soul. We can't see the spiritual heart. We can't see God. We can't see angels. That there is an entire world that's unseen. And what often happens, and this is natural, because it's unseen, the unseen world gets sort of forgotten. And there's a lot of focus on the seen world. And, in other words, the material world. The materialistic aspect of our existence.

Modern Distractions

Now, of course, with the type of world that we live in today, modern society, you see even more of that. Because now there are so many different ways to be distracted. You can't just be. You have to constantly be plugged in. Constantly be stimulated. There's an almost epidemic addiction to our phones and to social media.

And all of these things have an impact on our spirituality and our mental health. And the reason for that is that the heart, the spiritual heart, is much like the physical body.

The Heart's Needs

Now, the physical body has certain needs, right? To stay alive. To be healthy. And all of us, we understand those needs. We understand, for example, that we have to breathe. We know that our body needs oxygen. And we know what happens if we're deprived of oxygen. Even a child knows this, right?

We know that we have to eat. We know that we have to keep ourselves purified physically, right? No one says I don't need to take a shower because I did that last September, right? Or last October. We constantly have to keep purifying our bodies. We take consistent showers. We know that there's certain things we have to do to protect our bodies, right? We know that when it's very cold outside, you have to put on a jacket.

We know these things. But often what happens is that we don't really know how to take care of our hearts. We don't know how to take care of our souls.

The Soul's Permanence

And the human being is not just a physical body. The human being is also heart and soul. And the physical, the spiritual part of the human being is just as important as the physical. And one could argue that may be even more important. And I'll explain why.

When you think about the physical body, and of course we have to take care of our physical body because this is a trustful body. But when you think about the physical body, how long is it going to last? How long does your body last? How long does anyone's body last? Well at most maybe a hundred years, right? Most people aren't going to live that long.

What happens after a hundred years to our physical body? Well everyone knows, whether they're Muslim or they're Christian or they're Jewish or they're agnostic or they're atheist, knows that the physical body after a hundred years disintegrates, right?

But what happens to the soul? What happens to the spiritual aspect of the human being? Well we believe that the spiritual part of the human being, the soul, does not disintegrate. The soul actually remains.

So it's something to reflect on that within myself there's a part of me that's going to pass away and there's a part of me that's going to remain. Which one am I taking care of? It's something to reflect on because the tragedy is that many of us, we take care of the part that's actually passing away.

The Quranic Teaching on the Heart

When you think about investment and return, it's not wise to invest in something where there's going to be no return. Or it's not wise to neglect something where there's going to be extremely important return and you're not careful about your investment. And what's happening here is that we sort of live our lives in a way that's not very logical. Because we put a lot of investment in temporary things and we neglect things which are eternal.

So, what are we told in the Quran about the heart? Well, one of the lessons that we're taught in the Quran about the heart is that when we return back to our creator, what's going to benefit and what's going to matter isn't going to be the money that we made. It's not going to be how we looked, how our body looked like. It's not going to be how many followers we had on social media.

It's going to be one thing and that is, Allah tells us:

"The Day when there will not benefit [anyone] wealth or children, but only one who comes to Allah with a sound heart."

And there's this really beautiful du'a of Ibrahim (AS), Prophet Ibrahim. He says:

"My Lord, do not disgrace me on the Day they are [all] brought back."

So when Allah talks about going back to the creator, he says wealth and children - these things are not going to benefit anyone. What will?

"Except for the one who returns back to God with a heart that is sound."

And this is what I want to talk about. What is (قَلْبٍ سَلِيمٍ - Qalbun Saleem) What does it mean to have a healthy heart? And how does that relate to having healthy spiritual and mental well-being?

Two Analogies: The Journey and The Body

What I want to do is give you guys two analogies. One is the analogy of a journey. And the other is the analogy of the body.

The Journey Analogy

The first one is the analogy of a journey. When you guys are going on a trip, there's a few things that you need in that journey. So we've already kind of talked about the fact that we are on a journey. And it's a spiritual journey. It's a journey of our hearts back to our Creator. It's a journey of our soul.

So on this journey, what do we need to be successful? Well, the first thing is when you're going somewhere, you need to know where you're going. How do you know which way to turn? How do you know which way to go? What do we typically use? GPS, right? We can't live without it.

That is guidance. See, if I don't have guidance, if I don't have the address and I don't have someone or a map telling me, if I don't have my GPS or a map telling me which way to turn, I'm going to get lost. Yes or no? Absolutely.

The second thing with this journey in life, if I don't have guidance, I get lost. I will not be able to find my way through this life unless I have guidance. And the question becomes, where are we seeking guidance?

The Question of Guidance

So there's a lot of places that a person can look for how they should act. What's their standard? These are things we have to ask ourselves. What's my source of guidance? What tells me how I live my life? What's

my criteria of good and evil? What tells me right from wrong? This is an essential question we have to ask. Because when we get confused about that, that's why we get lost.

Because we don't have a proper map. We're not even clear on what our map is, right? Or our GPS isn't really working. And so we end up getting lost.

The Worship of Desires

One of the most common sorts of guides, I'd say, in our modern society right now is our desires. Our desires. So this is this phenomenon that whatever you feel, whatever you want, whatever you desire, whatever urges you have, obey them.

You know Sprite, right? What does Sprite tell you to do? Obey your thirst. What does Nike tell you to do? Do it. Does anyone know what Pepsi tells you to do? Live for now. Live for now. And the O is a Pepsi sign. So there's a theme here, right? And that theme is obey your desires.

YOLO, right? You only live once. Live it up, right? That's it. Got this life and that's it. So maximize pleasure. Worship your desires. It's literally a type of worship.

Understanding Worship

Because what is worship, essentially? Well, worship isn't just praying. You know what worship is? Worship, as defined for us, is when you say, "We hear and we obey." That's what worship is. When you worship something, it's your master, right? You're a slave. So when master says do, you hear and you obey. Do you understand? That's what a slave is.

So when your desire says do, and you just say I hear and I obey, you are a slave to your desires. And this is a very, very serious problem that we have in our society today. Because it's actually stuck down our throats. It's actually taught to us and forced upon us that you must obey your desires. That you must worship your desires. That in fact you are a slave to your desires.

The Concept of Ilah

Realize that every single person takes some sort of master. This master becomes what we enslave ourselves to. Even an atheist has a master. Do you understand? Even an agnostic has a master, has something that they worship. Not in prayer, but in obedience. Do you understand? And you become enslaved to this thing. Whatever it happens to be. But everyone has a master.

In our deen, this is called an ilah. You know the word ilah? Where have you heard this word before? In the shahada, right? What's the shahada? What makes you a Muslim?

لَا إِلهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ

So you're saying I bear witness that there is no ilah except God. But everyone has an ilah. Every single person. Whether you believe in God or you don't, you have an ilah. The ilah is that thing that you worship. It's the thing that determines how you live your life, why you live your life, what you obey, what's your master.

The Problem of Following Desires

So one of the most prevalent masters that especially we have right now in our society is the master of my own desire. We are actually told to worship our desires. If you feel it, do it.

And what happens, and you'll find this is what's going to happen. Right and wrong becomes just based on what I feel. If I feel it, then it's right. And if I don't feel it, then it's wrong. So I become the source of right and wrong. And I'm sure you can imagine how dangerous that would be.

I mean, imagine a person who doesn't like their car. So they like their neighbor's car. So they desire that car. So does that mean it's okay to go take it? Right, you might have a desire due to your anger to go beat someone up. But is it okay to do it just because you feel it? And the answer is no.

But there is a huge, there's a lot of confusion right now. And it stems, and it's rooted in this particular issue. And that is if you feel a desire, if you feel an attraction, obey it. And just because you have that desire and you have that attraction, it immediately makes it okay. And that is essentially the problem. And it's a very deep-rooted problem.

The Need for Higher Morality

And right now we're seeing the effect of that in various different spheres. And the problem here is that we have to go back to ask what are we worshiping? What's our ilah? What is our ilah? What makes something right and wrong? And is right and wrong above my desire? Or do I, does my desire determine right and wrong?

This argument that just because I feel an attraction to someone that that becomes okay for me to obey that desire comes, and it's rooted in this idea that I worship my own desire. Does that make sense? There has to be a higher morality of right and wrong. And that's the question we have to ask ourselves.

Who determines it? Who determines your GPS? That's the question we have to ask. What's guiding you in this journey? What's telling you turn right? No, don't turn left. No, that's the wrong way. No, make a U- turn. And that's what we have to ask. And as believers we know that this is Allah's messenger. He gives us that guidance.

Handling Obstacles and Mistakes

Now, on this journey we need guidance, yeah? So that's very important. Where are we getting our guidance? The second thing we need is when you're on a journey you're going to sometimes hit

obstacles, yeah? You're going to hit obstacles. You're going to hit blocked roads, construction.

What would happen if every time you made a wrong turn, can you imagine driving and every time you made a wrong turn you said, you know what, the GPS is like, you know what, you made a wrong turn, you might as well just pull over and give up. Just stop driving, right? That's it. You missed your exit, so just stop, pull over, that doesn't happen. What happens when you make a mistake when you're driving? What does the GPS do? Reroutes you. Okay, great.

So that rerouting is extremely essential in life. When we make a wrong turn, when we make mistakes, and we will, we will falter, we will slip, we will make mistakes because it's part of being human. And if a person gives up and they make a mistake, it'll be like a person who just stops driving every time they make a wrong turn. They're not going to ever end up at their destination.

So one of the things we have to be able to do is have that ability to reroute, that ability to keep going even after we fall, even after we make a mistake, and to not lose hope, and to be able to go back and get back on the road. So that's extremely important too, is being able to handle our going off track and our mistakes.

The Power of Focus

Now, what else do we have to do when we're driving? We have to be very conscious of what we focus on. Now this is one of the mistakes we make, and this affects us spiritually and this affects us psychologically. There's an important psychological principle that you have to remember, that whatever you focus on grows.

Whatever you focus on grows. So what does that mean in life? It means if you're a person who focuses on all the things that are going wrong, or all the things that are difficult, or the darkness, or negativity, guess what happens? It grows. It surrounds you. You're always going to be anxious. And the reason for that is that whatever you focus on, it grows and it surrounds you.

And on the other hand, if you're a person who focuses on positivity, if you're a person who focuses on what you have, it also grows.

The Power of Gratitude

And this is that power of positive psychology. What is positive psychology about? Well, it's all about how do we improve our quality of life and increase well-being and develop flourishing and all these kinds of concepts. You know what they found when they talk about happiness now?

One of the most powerful ways to just be a happier person and to increase your well-being is the power and the practice of gratitude. Why is that? Why is gratitude so powerful? Why is it that keeping a simple gratitude journal, writing three to five things every day that you're grateful for, is so powerful that it can

actually help treat depression? And this is just that simple shift in what you focus on. Because whatever you focus on, it grows.

The Two Boys Example

I always use this example. It's a simple but powerful example. So I saw this meme once where there was a picture of two pictures of this little boy. And the top picture had a little boy who was holding one slice of cake. And he was really, really happy because he had a slice of cake, right? And then below him was another little boy holding an entire cake, missing one slice. And he was sad.

So what's the difference between the two boys? Well, first tell me, who has more cake? The second one. The one who's sad. Yeah, he actually has more cake. But he's sad. Tell me why he's sad and the other one's happy. It's simply focus.

The difference between the two boys is what they chose to focus on. The one on the top chose to focus on what he had. And he was happy. That is the power, that is the practice of gratitude. The one on the bottom had 13 slices, but he was missing one. And that one was the one he was focused on and so he was sad.

Do you see that? This is the power of focus and what you focus on grows. If you focus on that thing that you have missing in your life, you will always feel poor. Even if you're rich. But if you focus on what you have, you will always feel rich. Even if you don't have a lot. Does that make sense? And it's the power of focus.

The Quranic Teaching on Hardship and Ease

And so in any given situation, you choose what you focus on. And there's a very, very powerful principle that we're taught in the Quran:

"Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease."

Often times, people mistranslate this verse. And they say that it means after hardship comes ease. You've heard that a lot, right? This ayah, and there's another ayah in the Quran which talks about after hardship, but this ayah says (مَعَ - with), and I'm going to emphasize the word with.

With hardship comes ease. That's very, very, the with here is very important. Because what it indicates is this. See, a lot of people feel like life is kind of all bad or all good. You ever fall into that? You feel like, you know what? I got good times and I got bad times, right? And right now, it's bad times. But that's actually a myth. It's not true. You never have all good or all bad. No one does.

That's not the nature of the world. The nature of the world is that at every given moment, there is both good and bad. That at every given moment, there is both difficulty and ease at the same time. Yes, you may have challenges. But at the same exact moment that you have challenges, you also have blessings. Blessings don't wait. You know what I mean? It's never all bad.

And so what happens is that what changes our experience is what we choose to focus on. When you think for a moment, just think within yourself about the hardest time in your life. Maybe it's now. Maybe it was something else in the past. If you reflect on that time, if you bring that to mind, it might have been extremely difficult. But at the same time, did you have health? Did you have safety? Did you have family? Did you have wealth? Did you have peace?

There was one thing in your life, or maybe five things in your life that were difficult, but there were countless other blessings at the same time. And what happens is that when you think about what changes how we experience any moment is which we choose to focus on. With the hardship is the ease. So am I going to choose to focus on the hardship or am I going to choose to focus on the ease?

The Promise of Increase Through Gratitude

And this is actually transformational what you choose to focus on in any given situation because what you focus on grows. There's another powerful principle and that is that Allah says:

"If you are grateful, I will certainly give you more."

This is the other powerful principle that if you are thankful, if you are grateful, Allah says, I will increase you. And now this is again the power of gratitude is that when you're grateful for something, you get more.

You know the fastest way to increase your blessings, the best way to protect your blessings is to be grateful for them. And it works the other way around too. You know the fastest way to lose a blessing? Take it for granted. The fastest way to lose any good thing is to take it for granted.

And this works, this is a divine principle, this also works with human beings, isn't it? When you take someone for granted, suppose someone is really, really kind to you, really generous, and you just keep taking it for granted, what ends up happening? Does that increase that behavior or decrease it? When you take someone for granted, it decreases that good behavior. That good thing that you're taking for granted, it makes it decrease.

Whereas when you show appreciation for someone who's kind or generous, what does that do to the behavior? Increases it, right? The best way to motivate someone is to just appreciate them. And this is how it works as a divine principle. If we are thankful, we're grateful, Allah increases us.

Linguistic Miracle in the Quran

There's something else I want to point out about this ayah. So we said the first part I wanted to emphasize was the ma'a, right? The with. That they happen at the same time. Don't ever think that things are all bad. They're never going to be all bad. It's impossible because it's not the nature of dunya. It's not the nature of life. Allah always gives ease at the same time as hardship.

The other point I want to make about these ayahs إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا is that Allah says, and this is linguistically, it's a linguistic miracle, but it also gives us this meaning, is that the word for difficulty is singular in this verse. So there's one difficulty and the word for ease is plural.

So do you see the other lesson here? It's that it's not one-to-one. It isn't like God is giving you, for every hardship there's only one ease. It doesn't work like that. For every one hardship, there's plural, many eases. And so our blessings are more than our hardships. Our ease is more than our difficulty.

But, if we shift our focus to only looking at that one hardship, it'll look the other way around. To us, it will look like our difficulty is more. And that all has to do with focus.

You Are What You Eat - Spiritually

There's another point about focus that I want to emphasize. And that is, you are what you eat. Right? You are what you eat physically, right? If you eat really unhealthy food, you're going to be really unhealthy. If you eat healthy food, you're going to be really healthy.

So it's a principle, we understand. Our body is affected by what we intake. Right? It's the same principle works spiritually. You are what you eat spiritually. What does that mean? Everything you read, everything you look at, everything you listen to, everything you talk about, is all input. Spiritual input. Psychological input.

Realize that the body, the human being, is a system. And everything you put in, it has an effect. And so, what we focus on in our lives, has an impact on who we become internally. Does that make sense? What happens to our hearts? What happens to our minds? It's affected by what we're taking in every single day.

The people that we follow on social media, the things that we read, the concerns that we have, what we watch, every single thing, every single one of these are pieces of data, input that goes to the heart, that goes to the soul.

Practical Example: Social Media as Your Fridge

So what does that look like practically? I'll just give you an example. A person who is only surrounded with material things, meaning, everything on their social media is about material things. Everyone around them just cares about material things. Every conversation is about material things. Everything they read is

The Obsession with Appearances

So one very simple way is to look at your newsfeed and just look at the quality of it. Just take a look. What's on there? For some people, it's a lot of really terrible, bad news. And it can have an effect on you internally and psychologically. And you have to be careful. Because at the end of the day, if all the lights turned off in this room and it was really dark, yes, there would be darkness. And darkness is a fact at that point. Yeah? It's dark.

But the question I have for you is, if everyone took out their phone and just posted and tweeted and Snapchatted about how it was dark, did it change anything about the darkness? Like, did anything change? But we all talked about it. We all wrote about it. We all told everyone. We sat and talked amongst ourselves. You know, it's really dark in here. It's really dark. You know, the lights turned off. Did you know? And everyone's just talking about it in posts. But we haven't actually done anything to change that situation, have we?

Wouldn't it be more beneficial if someone went and got a candle or a light to change that situation? And I think sometimes what happens is, when things are dark around us, we tend to sort of get lost in it. Maybe just talking about it, posting about it, reading about it. But what ends up happening is when you are just sort of focusing on every single hate crime that happened, the first thing that happened. The first thing is that within your own psyche, you exaggerated the problem.

Meaning, the problem might have been this big, like on a larger scale, but your focus on it actually made it look bigger than it is. So now you're afraid to leave your house. Or you're afraid to wear your hijab. Or now you're so scared you want to take off your hijab or wear a baseball hat instead. Right? So my point is that that happened. Why? It happened because your focus on it made it actually, it grew it more than it is in real life.

And that's what happens is that what you focus on grows. And so you have to be very careful to find that balance between wanting to contribute and wanting to be aware and getting sort of lost in darkness. Getting lost in really negative things. Because it will have an effect on you both spiritually and psychologically.

I think one of the other issues that we have is that we live in a world now that is increasingly obsessed with appearances. Like obsessed, capital O. Right? We're obsessed with appearances. We're obsessed with a certain image of perfection. You have to be perfect. You have to look perfect. Your life needs to be perfect. Your relationship needs to be perfect. Your skin needs to be perfect. And if it isn't, then there's a filter for it.

And the idea here is that we're so caught up in appearing perfect, and then we're so caught up in looking at other people putting on their photoshopped life. You know that this, one of the problems with doing this is that it creates a sense within ourselves. Number one is it becomes, because we're so focused on appearances, this becomes the most important thing to us. You know, if you want to change what matters most to you, change what you're looking at, reading, following every single day. Because what you focus on grows.

Spiritual First Aid Kit

Let me just say this. And I want to summarize so that I can open up for discussion and questions. I said I'm going to give you two analogies, the journey and the body. And I want to just bring it back full circle to the beginning when I talked about the heart being like the body. And you have certain things that you have to do to take care of it. And there's going to be certain things that you have to do when you get injured physically. And it works exactly the same way spiritually and emotionally.

First I want to just talk briefly about taking care of the heart. And then I'm talking about healing, quickly.

1. Spiritual Oxygen: Prayer (Salah)

We need oxygen to stay alive, yeah? Everyone agree? Spiritually, we also need oxygen. And what I have come to know from various research and study. If you look at the Quran, you look at the Sunnah and all the stories that were given and all the texts. What you can come out with is that the spiritual oxygen is the prayer, is the Salah.

Salah or prayer is what connects us to Allah and what literally oxygenates our hearts. If a person doesn't pray, it's like a person who doesn't breathe. And so when we talk about spiritual well-being and this spiritual first aid kit. The first thing that we have to have in that is prayer.

Just like, I can't talk to you about taking care of your body if you're not breathing, right? That would be pretty weird if I sat up here and I was like, okay, we're going to work out, we're going to eat, you know, raw, organic, and none of you are breathing. Right? I've missed something important in talking about well-being. If I'm not telling you you have to breathe, by the way, before we can talk about anything else, you've got to breathe to stay alive. And this is how it works spiritually. I can't talk about spiritual well- being without talking about spiritual oxygen first. And that's the prayer.

The Unique Prescription of Salah

And, you know, the Salah, when Allah prescribed Salah. And by the way, the prescription of Salah was done in a very unique way. Unlike any of the other commandments, unlike any of the other pillars, unlike any of the other things that were given to the prophets, the command to pray was given in Isra' and Mi'raj. Which means that, like, the rest of the commandments came down to the prophet, peace be upon him, through Angel Jibreel, right? But for Salah, Allah brought the prophet up to the heavens. Like, even the way in which Salah was given to the prophet was unique. It was very special. And that was when the prophet was ascended to the heavens. And that is when Allah gave the commandment of Salah.

Salah is the first thing we're asked about on the Day of Judgment. And the prophet said that if our Salah is in order, then that person will be successful. And if it's not, the person will have failed. (Related in various hadith collections including Tirmidhi)

And that's because Salah is that essential oxygen that we need just to stay alive spiritually.

Taking the Prescription on Time

The other thing about Salah to keep in mind is, you know when a doctor gives you a prescription? And suppose a person is very ill, and they need this medicine to stay alive, right? And the medicine is given at particular times, right? The doctor says you have to take it in the morning, and then take it again at noon, and then take it again. And if this medicine is keeping you alive, you're probably going to take it as prescribed, right? No one's going to be like, well, you know, today I have an exam, so I'll skip three doses, right? Or, or better yet, I'm studying for finals this week, so I'll breathe next week, right? I'm busy.

We don't do that. We know we have to breathe to stay alive. We know we have to take the medicine as it's prescribed in order to continue to be healthy. And this is how it works with the spiritual prescription of Salah, is that Allah, and He's high above any analogy of a doctor, He knows, and He knows what He's doing when He commands and when He gave us that prescription at specific times. So taking that medicine and taking it on time. Breathing to stay alive, regardless.

One other thing that happens is this, is sometimes when we feel low, we sometimes want to give up, especially the Salah. Like, you know what, I don't feel like it. I just, I can't, I can't pray. I'm just, I'm really having a low period. That's like a person who says, you know what, um, I'm feeling a little bit sick. Like,

maybe you have the flu, so I'm going to stop breathing. That's the same thing. To say, to say that, you know what, because I'm sick right now, I'll stop breathing, and once I feel better, I'll start breathing again. You guys understand the logic? Or the illogic? Do you understand?

It's that oxygen that's going to help you to actually get better, even if you're feeling sick. And that's what happens with prayer, is that if we give up our prayer because we're feeling down, we'll only get more down. It's not, if we continue to breathe, and we continue to take that oxygen, then eventually we'll come back up.

And this is, I think, one of the most important parts of the spiritual first aid kit, is that no matter what, you gotta breathe. Do you guys understand? No matter what, you have, you need oxygen, right? It's like a non-negotiable for any of us. It doesn't matter how busy we are, it doesn't matter how upset we are, we keep breathing, right? And that's how it works with salah.

And if a person really does that, and really commits to their salah, to their prayer, then our ups and downs of life, they don't destroy us. They don't destroy us. We, yes, we go through ups and downs, but eventually, we come back up. I'll tell you, the way that a person comes down, and then just keeps going down, is when they give up their spiritual oxygen. That's why people hit what we would call rock bottom, is that it has to do with letting go of that part of what's keeping your heart alive, and keeping it healthy. So salah's the first thing.

2. Adhkar (Remembrance of Allah)

The second thing that I recommend in this toolkit, right, in this emotional or spiritual toolkit, is the Adhkar. And when I say Adhkar, there are prayers that the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to say throughout his day. And like, we all have busy days, right? So, I mean, nowadays, there's like apps for du'a, right? One of the ones that I've found to be really good is called My Du'a. It's spelled M-Y-D-U-A-A.

How many of you have ever heard of Fortress of the Muslim? It's a collection. Most of you have, right? It's just a collection of the supplications of the Prophet, peace be upon him, and from his companions. And what it is, is it's just organized. Like, for every single walk of life, there's a prayer.

Why is this important? Now, this may seem like, well, what's the big deal? The reason this is important, is what it does, is it focuses the heart on God, on Allah, even while the body's going through the mundane. Does that make sense? So, you're leaving your house, you're starting to drive, you're traveling, you're eating.

There's a prayer for everything. So, what that does, is it allows us to be taking care of our spirituality, even while we're taking care of our worldly affairs. Because, at the end of the day, we're not taught to just be monks and pull away from society. And spirituality, in a sense, doesn't mean you have to go to a cave.

Right? Spirituality, we're taught by the Prophet, that spirituality is something that you can do within your life. While you're in school, while you're married, while you're a doctor, while you're a parent.

You understand? It's not about leaving the world. It's not about leaving the world. And this is something that, you know, one of you had mentioned, is that wanting to be less materialistic and more spiritual. You know, a person can be surrounded with money and still not be attached to it. So, a person can continue to live and be, you know, the Prophet, he used to play every role. He was married, he had children, he was a leader, he had friends, he had companions. He was involved in worldly life, but internally, he was connected to God.

And how does that happen practically? That's a concept, right? That's theoretical. How does that happen practically? It's through these Adhkar. That's how you go from point A to point B. That you're in your life, but internally you're connected to God. So, it's not about leaving the world, but about being spiritual within the world. And that's what the Adhkar does practically.

So, if you download this app, this is the thing about it. Is that there's a supplication for everything. You know, you're studying for an exam. You're going through a difficult time. You're afraid. You're having a lot of anxiety about something. You know, just going through your daily life. There's a supplication for everything. Even intimacy, there's a supplication.

So, what it teaches us is that everything in this life can actually bring us closer to Allah if we do it in the right way and we remember Him. So, the Adhkar.

3. Connecting to the Quran

And then finally, the third part is connecting our hearts to the Quran. The words of Allah. Because we're told that it's actually the cure. Allah says:

"And We send down of the Quran that which is healing and mercy for the believers."

The Quran is a cure for what is in the hearts. What is in the chest.

Emotional and Spiritual Healing

And then finally, so these are kind of the three maintenance parts. And then finally is just the emotional well-being or healing. And that is this. This is a bigger discussion. Like, it's its own discussion. But to summarize, we have to find a balance between two extremes.

First Extreme: Covering Up

One extreme is when a person, imagine a person gets a gunshot wound, right? They get hurt. And they just take a band-aid, cover it up and say, I'm good. What's going to happen to that wound? It's going to

actually get infected. And then over time, that infection might grow so much that this person either will need to amputate or they can actually die of the infection.

Now, why is that? It's because, you know, but wait, doesn't time heal all wounds? Someone tell me why not. You know this cliche, time heals all wounds? In this case, why didn't time heal the gunshot wound? It wasn't treated. It was just covered up.

And this is what happens emotionally and psychologically, is that sometimes when we're in pain, we go through a painful experience, we go through trauma. And our way of dealing with it is just to cover it up, right? Just numb it, right? You can keep taking that painkiller, but it hasn't addressed the actual infection. And that's one of the biggest mistakes that we make. It doesn't make it go away. It actually makes it worse. And in this case, time is not healing that wound. It's making it worse. And that's because it wasn't treated.

How do you treat these wounds? Well, that's another process. Sometimes it involves getting mental health assistance, you know, getting counseling. Sometimes it involves going to the doctor. But what is that process? You have to go through that process. And whether you go to a doctor or you go for counseling, one essential part of healing is going to God, is going to Allah.

Because one of the attributes of Allah is (الشَّافِي - ash-Shafi). He is the healer. And even if you go to a doctor, the doctor is a tool. Allah is the healer. Does that make sense? So Allah is ultimately the one who heals. But we go to doctors. And we're told to take these means. Going to a counselor, going for therapy. But Allah is ultimately the healer. So always going back to Allah.

Second Extreme: Picking the Scab

The other extreme is what I call picking the scab. And this is another mistake that sometimes we make. And that is that we don't allow things to heal because we keep picking at it.

Basically what happens with picking a scab in the physical body is that your body is naturally healing itself when it makes a scab, right? Assuming you've treated it and it's not infected, now it's scabbed over. But what happens if you keep picking it? What happens to the healing process? What have you done? You keep stopping the healing process. You're actually slowing down the healing. You're pausing the healing every time you pick a scab.

And sometimes we do this psychologically. We do this emotionally. And there's various ways that we do this. But one of the ways is that we get stuck in the past. We get stuck in the past. What does that mean? The past, you know, there's this quote that I read once. It says, the past is a place of reference, not a place of residence. Yeah? The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence. If you make your past a place of residence, that's picking the scab. You're not allowing that natural process of moving forward and healing, because you keep picking at it.

It's like a person who's driving. You know when you're driving, you have to look forward, right? You've got to look forward. But there's also this thing called a rearview mirror, right? What's the purpose of a rearview mirror? To give you an idea of what's behind you, right? But what would happen if someone stopped looking forward and just fixated on the rearview? You would crash.

So, this is the problem. In life, yeah, you're moving forward. So you need to look forward. Yes, you reference the rearview, but if you stay fixated on the past, you will crash. And that's one of the other mistakes that we make. We have to have that middle ground.

Questions and Answers

On Shirk and the Heart

Question: In the beginning, you said we all had an ilah. And that we're so subject to this materialistic world. So doesn't that technically mean we're emanating shirk?

Answer: It's a form of shirk. Well, okay, so technically, there's shirk of 'aqeedah and shirk of usma, right? There's major shirk. Well, by the way, let me define shirk. Shirk is associating a partner with God, right? Yes, there's major shirk, which is to pray to other than God, to say God has a partner, a son, a father.

But then there's also minor shirk, yes. One way that we commit minor shirk is, for example, yeah, like showing off, praying, not for God, but so people will look at us and say, wow, that person's so holy. So that's a type of minor shirk.

Now, in terms of taking another, yeah. It's like within the heart, there's like a core part of the heart. And this is something I talk about in both of my books because it's an essential part of understanding why we do what we do and why we actually experience pain.

This is another thing. In talking about pain, like pain is a part of life, right? But there is like a really, really deep type of pain, both emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually, that comes out of putting something other than God at the core of our hearts. That's like deep. But putting something other than God at the core of our hearts, and in other words, that's taking something other than God as an ilah. And some people do that with money. Some people do that with their desires. Some people do that with another human being.

Like, why did Romeo and Juliet? Why did they end up committing suicide? It's because there was a type of, it's like almost like they took the other as an ilah. And when you take someone and you put them at that place where only God should be, it causes like destruction internally. It's very painful.

And so, yes, definitely it is a type of, it's a shirk in love, for example. And Allah says in the Quran:

"And [yet], among the people are those who take other than Allah as equals [to Him]. They love them as they [should] love Allah."

So it is like shirk. Why? They love them as they should only love God. So there is definitely this rivalry that happens with love.

On Self-Compassion and Moving Forward

Question: When I focus on your past, you can crash. So how do we prevent that?

Answer: I think one of the important ways to prevent that is to forgive ourselves. One of the problems we have is self-compassion. You know, a lot of us are so hard on ourselves. And we have very little compassion for ourselves.

You know, you can have compassion for everyone else, right? Your friend comes to you and says, you know what, I really messed up. I made this big mistake. I did this thing and it's terrible. How do you respond to your friend? Most of you would probably not say, you good-for-nothing, useless piece of... You don't talk that way to your friend, right? And if you did, you probably won't have a relationship anymore.

There's a certain way that you respond when your friend comes to you with a mistake that they made, right? You're probably going to be like, you know what, everyone makes mistakes. You have to just move forward, make amends. You're going to be encouraging. You're going to have this thing called compassion, I assume. Right?

Okay, but what happens when you make a mistake? How do you talk to yourself? How do you treat yourself when you make a mistake? So something in your past that you did wrong, or something in your past that hurt you, do you give yourself the same compassion? That's important. We have to learn self- compassion. So being able to forgive yourself for not being perfect.

Because no one is. No one's perfect. So allowing yourself to be human, and having compassion for yourself. Forgiving yourself. And of course, if you make a mistake, ask Allah for forgiveness. But also forgive yourself.

Because that's one of the things that holds us back. One of the things that holds us back is we hold ourselves to this superhuman level of perfection. And when we don't reach that, we won't reach that. Because we're human. It's against the human design. We're not perfect.

Adam ate from the tree. What do you think we're supposed to learn from that? Is that we're not perfect. We're going to slip. Even he slipped. And he's a prophet. He became a prophet. But we're taught that how we should respond is we repent, we ask God, and then we move forward. We don't fixate on our

mistakes. We don't fixate on the painful things in our past. We learn and we keep going. And we don't lose hope. But a big part of that is forgiving yourself and having compassion.

I'm not perfect. And I can't be perfect because God didn't create humans to be perfect. It's impossible. So don't hold yourself to a standard that's impossible. Because you'll always fall short. And then if you give up every time you fall short, then you won't be able to move forward.

On Mental Health and Islamic Perspective

Question: What kind of pushback do you get from Muslim communities about seeking out mental health? Because there is so much stigma, and people want to maintain their stage of perfection.

Answer: No, absolutely. And that's why I mentioned that even religiously, we're told to take... In Islam, it's called asbab. And it means... It translates to the means, taking the means. There's a tradition of the prophet where he told one of the companions... This companion wasn't tying his camel. And when he asked him why, he said, because I have my trust in God.

So he told him, he instructed him:

(Related in Tirmidhi)

"Tie your camel and put your trust in Allah."

Do both, simultaneously. So in the case of someone who needs mental health assistance or they need therapy, that would be their tying of the camel. Right? Just like if you're sick, going to the doctor is tying your camel. Taking medicine is tying your camel. And so getting help from the creation is the tying the camel. And at the same time, put your trust in Allah.

And I mentioned that briefly that Allah is the healer. But Allah uses tools. These are the means. So even if you're taking medicine, it's not the medicine that heals you, but that God uses the medicine to heal you. And it's the same thing with therapy.

And you're right, there is a stigma. We are slowly moving through that. I think we've come a long ways, especially in the United States. We are far ahead in terms of reducing a lot of the stigma when it comes to mental health. But we also have to be careful, again, to keep the balance. Because we can also go to the other side, where we just look at the human being as a machine.

You know, like, look at mental health as only a biological issue. And definitely there's a biological aspect, but there's also a spiritual aspect, and there's also a psychological and mental aspect. So I like to look at it as a sort of holistic view when it comes to mental health.

It isn't only the chemicals in our brain, but it's also so many other aspects of our being. You know, our psychology, how we think is very important, you know, and our spirituality. So I would just say that taking

a middle path and reducing this absolutely is both. You know, it's tying the camel and putting our trust in God.

On Finding Good Provision

Question: How do you not fall into societal standards when looking for marriage in a society obsessed with looks?

Answer: The only way, and the most important thing you have to do, is focus on the source of all provision. Focus on the source of all provision. What do I mean by that? Rizq. The word rizq means provision. What does provision mean? What is rizq? Rizq is money. Rizq is health. Rizq is a good spouse, good children. All of these come under the category of provision, and blessings, and gifts. Who's the source of those things? That's what we have to come back and focus on.

It's Allah. So the best, what we have to do is sort of sift through all this, like, there's a lot of illusions out there, right? We think that, okay, I'm going to get, if we think I'm going to get a good spouse by taking off my hijab, or looking a certain way, or acting a certain way, then we're deceived. Because that's not where rizq comes from. Provision comes from God. That's what we have to remember. Provision comes from God.

So if you want goodness, you have to seek it from God. And you're not going to get goodness from God by displeasing God. Make sense? It's sort of like the person who wants a raise, and they think, okay, I want a promotion, so I'm going to do absolutely nothing that the boss wants me to do. I'm going to do everything opposite. I'm not going to, you know, if the boss tells me to do this, I'm going to do the opposite. And I'm expecting a raise. I'm expecting a promotion. You know, that's what we do with Allah. Like, we break his rules, and then we hope for good, which is illogical.

So I think that really it's about going back to the source and asking the source and doing your best to do right by Allah because Allah is the one who's going to give you that spouse and that good job and that health and all the things that you want.

And practically, I would say this. There is duas that you can make. There's things that you can do that we're told increases our provision. One thing I'll give you is the du'a of Musa (AS):

"My Lord, indeed I am, for whatever good You would send down to me, in need."

When he said this du'a, we know from this story, he went, and he was in a really, really bad situation at that point. He had accidentally killed a man, and now he's escaping basically this persecution of, these people want to kill him. And after that he got married and got a job. So that's a good thing.

(Various hadith including Bukhari and Muslim)

Closing

That's another one that repeating a lot brings provision and removes barriers. And the other thing I want to say is istighfar. So saying a lot of istighfar, repentance.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said that when you repent, when you do a lot of istighfar, it gives you ease, it solves a problem. If you have a difficulty, it gives you a way out of that difficulty. It protects you from anxiety, and it provides you from places that you never imagined. (Related in Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah)

These are consequences of istighfar. So that's what I would say for someone in that situation. And don't, don't ever think that you'll get good from anywhere other than Allah. There's no other source of goodness, right?

On Toxic Environments

Question: What happens when your environment is pushing you back, or is pulling you down, and reminding you of your past?

Answer: The first thing that I have to say is do your utmost to have a more healthy environment. And that may or may not be possible at this exact moment, but it is an important principle that we try to be in a healthy environment because we're affected by our environment.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said that a person is on the way of their closest friend. That being around good company is like entering a perfume shop, right? You end up either with perfume or you smell better. And being with bad company is like going in a blacksmith shop. You either get burnt or you come out smelling bad. (Related in Bukhari and Muslim)

So your company matters, your environment matters. Now if you can try to find better company that isn't pulling you down, that isn't toxic, right? That's number one. If that's not possible at that given moment, but that should be your goal, right? Your goal should be to be around a healthy environment and around people who are good for you.

But sometimes, for a temporary amount of time, maybe someone has a child and they can't get out of that situation, etc. Then in that case, it's like a person who works in a radioactive plant. What do you got to do? That's your job. What do you got to do? Wear a lot of protection, okay? And in this case, the protection is the remembrance of Allah. Remember the three things I said? The Salah, the Adhkar, and the Quran. That's like wearing protection in a radioactive plant.

Because you can't get out of that situation for whatever reason. And I hope it's temporary, because you should never keep yourself in a toxic environment like that. But in the meantime, you just have to make sure you're well protected.

Closing

And in conclusion, I ask Allah Almighty to make what we heard today in the balance of our good deeds, and to bless what we have learned, and to grant us all success in what He loves and pleases.

Our Lord, give us in this world [that which is] good and in the Hereafter [that which is] good and protect us from the punishment of the Fire.

May Allah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon his family and all his companions.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh