Sabr is Not Suffering in Silence - Corrected Khutba
By Yasmin Mogahed | 2026-01-10T03:30:32.910967+00:00 | Topic: Trials
Sabr is Not Suffering in Silence
By: Yasmin Mogahed
Opening
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Satan.
Understanding the True Meaning of Sabr
I want to begin by speaking about a concept that's often times misunderstood, I think, and that's the concept of sabr, the concept of patience. In the context of abuse or oppression, it is extremely important to understand the meaning of the word sabr and when it applies and when it does not apply.
Sabr is a concept that we are taught. It's one of the greatest virtues as believers that we're told to have. It is Allah, when he talks about sabr, he encourages the believers to have sabr and now in defining sabr, this one Arabic word, and you'll often times find this to be the case, that there will be one Arabic word and you need a number, maybe ten English words to describe this one Arabic word, and sabr is a very good example of that.
The Multiple Meanings of Sabr
Sabr can be translated as patience, perseverance, constancy, persistence. It's being able to withstand hardship. It's also being able to be patient. It's being able to respond when needed and not respond when needed.
So patience and sabr does not actually mean the same thing as being passive. So when we are told by Allah to have sabr, to have patience, it does not mean that we are passive about what's going on in our lives, but rather there are times when we need to stand firm. And so if we think about sabr in this way, sabr can mean, one of the meanings of sabr is standing firm.
For example, the very last ayah of surah al-imran, where Allah tells the believers to have sabr, and in fact this ayah goes and explains many different derivations of this same concept of sabr. But this, even when Allah is using it in this context, one of the meanings is for example standing firm, but when the enemy is about to approach.
Sabr in the Context of Oppression
So sabr here, how does that then fit in in the context of oppression? Well, for one, sabr does not mean that you don't take any action to basically take any action to end the oppression.
In fact, in order to take action and in order to be successful and in order to be firm in that action that you're taking, you need sabr. You need to be able to be firm and to stand firm and to persevere if you are going to stand up against oppression. So in fact, subhanAllah, the concept of sabr in the context of oppression or in the context of abuse is quite the opposite than what we usually think of as sabr in that context.
A lot of times women are told or women believe that if they're being mistreated or they're being abused, that they should just be patient. They're told to be patient and this concept of being patient against oppression is something that is not an Islamic concept.
The Prophetic Guidance on Confronting Wrong
In fact, the Prophet ﷺ has taught us that when we see something wrong, hadith of the Prophet ﷺ, when we see something wrong, that we should try to change it.
(Muslim 49)
"Whoever among you sees a wrong action, then let him change it with his hand; if he cannot, then with his tongue; if he cannot, then with his heart - and that is the weakest of iman."
He doesn't say that when you see something wrong, just be patient and stay quiet about it. But rather when we see something wrong, we're told try to change it with your hand and if you cannot, then try to speak out against it. And at the very least, hate it in your heart and that's the weakest of faith.
In this hadith, we are taught how we should respond when we see something wrong, when we see oppression, when we see abuse or if it's happening to us. We should try to change it. It should not be something that we just accept and that means that we're being good Muslims.
Because in fact, the Prophet ﷺ has advised the opposite with regards to something wrong, with injustice or oppression.
Helping the Oppressor by Stopping Them
In another hadith, the Prophet ﷺ told his companions:
(Bukhari 2444)
"Help your brother whether he is an oppressor or whether he is being oppressed."
So in this hadith, the sahaba like us basically understood this hadith and said, well we can understand how we help our brother when he is being oppressed. That's very clear. We try to save him from that oppression. But they then asked, well how do we help our brother when he is the oppressor? And the Prophet ﷺ said:
"By stopping him from oppressing."
So you see, we learn from this hadith that you're actually helping your brother. Whether it's your husband or your wife or your significant other or your father or your mother or anyone in your life who is being oppressive, who is being abusive. That by stopping that person, you are actually helping them.
And this is something the Prophet ﷺ explains. He said that even if your brother is an oppressor, you're helping him. You're helping him or her by stopping him from oppressing.
This should be seen as something that one does for the sake of Allah. Not that one allows oppression to continue, not that one allows another person to be oppressive upon them or upon their children or upon anyone. And then say that that is patience and that is sabr.
The Fallacy of Passive "Patience"
If you were to see for example, you're crossing the street and you see someone beating up on another person. And you walk right by and you say it's because my religion teaches me to be patient. And I'm just going to allow that to happen and I'm not going to do anything about that.
Well that's absolutely not the concept of patience, that's not the meaning of patience. In fact it goes against the advice of the Prophet ﷺ. Where he says that when you see something wrong, you are supposed to try to change it.
And you're supposed to try to change it using different means. First try to change it by your hands, speaking out against it. And if you're not able to change it by any of those means, at the very least you're supposed to hate it in your heart.
So you're not supposed to justify the action, but rather you're supposed to be aware that there's something wrong with this action. It's not an acceptable action and you should at least hate it in your heart. And that's the weakest of faith.
But the stronger level of faith is the one, is the action where you're in fact trying to stop it. When you're in fact trying to change it.
Allah's Stance on Oppression
Now so that's just on a general, just kind of generally talking about and unlearning this other concept of sabr, being passive. Being passive against oppression, being passive against abuse. No one is, and Allah has also said that he does not approve of injustice.
So in this hadith, Allah is told, we're told that Allah says that he's telling the believers, he's telling the people do not oppress one another. Allah does not approve of oppression. This is so important because when we think that it is more holy or it is more, Allah will be more pleased if we approve of oppression or we approve of abuse. That's not true because Allah is saying here do not oppress one another and that Allah does not approve of oppression.
Allah does not love oppression. And this is something that we also should not love and we also should not approve of and not really allow to happen by any means that we can try to take action against it. It does not, again, it does not make you sinful if you take action against it.
In fact, that is what the Prophet ﷺ is telling us to do when we see something wrong. And for sure, the abuse of a family member is absolutely something that's despised. It's something that is very wrong.
It's something that is a sin upon that person that they are abusing another human being and you should do everything in your power to actually not allow yourself to be oppressed. But beyond that, you're actually helping the oppressor by stopping their oppression.
Our Bodies and Children as Amanah (Trust)
You know, one other thing to keep in mind is this. Allah, every single thing that he gave us is an amanah, is a trust. And that includes our bodies, that includes our health, that includes our eyes, our ears, everything that he gave us, our health. So if there's someone who's coming and is, you know, basically harming any of that trust that Allah gave us, it is upon us to take care of our trust.
It is upon us to take care of what Allah has blessed us with as an amanah. Because our body belongs to him. Our body belongs to Allah.
Our body doesn't belong to ourselves. Our body most definitely doesn't belong to another person. So if someone is mistreating us or someone is mistreating the trust, if someone is mistreating our body, they're mistreating something that belongs to God.
They're mistreating a trust that Allah has given us. And so it's upon us to take care of it. And part of taking care of it is not letting anyone harm it, is not letting anyone oppress it, is not letting anyone take over it.
And so we have to be careful that we see it in that context. This is an amanah Allah has given you. Your dignity, your body, your health, all of these things were given to you by Allah for one single purpose.
And that one single purpose is to use it for the sake of worshiping Allah. Your body was created to worship Allah, not to be anyone's punching bag. So this is an Islamic duty for you to take care of what Allah has given you.
Protecting Our Children
And the other aspect here is that your children are also an amanah. So if there is someone who is harming your children, it is upon you and you will be asked what you did in order to stop that, in order to protect your children. Your children are also an amanah and you have to keep that in mind.
Don't think that no matter what the situation is, that just by staying together, it's better for the children. By no means is that true. For a child to grow up in an abusive household, in an abusive relationship, that in fact is far greater harm for that child than if you were to come from a broken home or a family when the parents divorce.
That you have to think about all of the consequences, not only for yourself, but for one's children when they grow up in an abusive household. And those consequences are very, very deep. I'll talk about just a few of them.
The Devastating Effects on Children
The Cycle of Abuse
One of the consequences, the children who grow up in abusive households, they actually speak and psychologists find that there's something called the cycle of abuse. What that means is that someone who was abused as a child grows up and becomes an abuser. So however you're treated as a child, you grow up and you treat your children the same way.
You treat other people the same way. But what you're doing is, when you allow your children to grow up in an abusive household, it is more likely for them to also become abusers as they grow up and in their own relationships. And that is not something, obviously, that you want for your children.
They are learning the same patterns that they see around them from their parents and from their mother and from their father. They're learning the same patterns. How do you deal with anger? The way that they see modeled in front of them of how you deal with anger, that's the way they end up dealing with anger.
These are things that we learn from our parents. These are things that we learn from our environment. How do we deal with anger? How do we deal with disappointment? How do we treat other people? These are things which are taught to us.
And so you have to be very careful not to teach your children those types of patterns of behavior.
Physical and Emotional Damage
On the other hand, and along the lines of the effect on the children, so that's one effect which is not physical. Obviously, there's the obvious physical effect on the children.
If someone is abusing your children, you can't allow that. You can't say that it's better for them to stay as long as they're in that, as long as it's not a broken home. It's better for them to be abused.
It's better for them to be either physically, emotionally, or verbally abused. And so we cannot think that way. It is absolutely more detrimental for the child to be either physically abused, emotionally abused, or psychologically abused, than to actually be separated from that house, from that environment.
The Lasting Impact of Psychological Abuse
And with regards to physical abuse versus psychological abuse and verbal abuse, it's important also to realize that they find, also studies find, that it's the psychological abuse, the emotional abuse that actually has the longest effect, even more than physical abuse. So it's important not to sort of devalue how important, or rather how detrimental, abuse can be. Just because it's not physical doesn't mean that it doesn't have a very negative and long-lasting effect on the child or on the human being.
Because physical abuse, perhaps, it can heal once the wound heals. However, psychological and verbal abuse is something that the person, the victim, internalizes. So if the victim is told again and again that they're worthless, told again and again that they're stupid, told again and again that they can't do anything, or that no one loves them, or that no one will ever love them, these kinds of things stay with the human being.
And then as they grow, it's very, very hard to unlearn those things. So those can have a very lasting effect on the human being. You have to protect yourself and protect your children from this type of abuse.
The Most Dangerous Effect: Impact on Iman
It's extremely important. Now I'm going to talk about the ultimately, ultimately, the most important consequence of abuse and why it's so dangerous is the effect it has on one's Iman. And I'm going to talk about that a little bit.
We're told so much that it's actually more holy or you're a better Muslim if you stay. But in fact, it has a detrimental effect on your Iman. And there are Shuyukh who have told me that most of the children, most of the youth who end up leaving Islam came from abusive households.
Most of the children who ended up leaving Islam came from abusive households. And what happens is they see this abuse, they grow up in it, and they start to hate everything associated with that life. And that includes Islam.
So what they start to do is they connect Islam to the abuse. They connect Islam and the culture to the abuse itself and they start to just hate it all. And actually people, you know, these people will actually leave Islam or at the very least will hate Islam because they associate Islam with that abusive lifestyle and with that very, you know, ugly attitude and that ugly behavior that they had experienced.
And you see this a lot. So you are actually, you're not helping their Iman but rather you may be affecting their Deen by allowing them to grow up in such a household.
The Concept of Ilah: What Do You Truly Worship?
And I want to bring it now to the concept of, and this is something that I emphasize a lot, and that is what is your Ilah? What is it that you revolve your life around? When we say (لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ - la ilaha illa Allah) there is no llah except for Allah.
What are we really saying? What we are saying is that there is nothing worthy of our worship except for Allah. But be very careful. Worship does not just mean what you pray to.
But the concept of worship can really be discovered when you ask yourself a few questions:
- What do you think about most?
- What do you fear most?
- What do you love most?
- What is the first thing that you think about when you get up in the morning?
- What is the last thing you think about before you sleep?
- What keeps you awake at night?
- What does not allow you to sleep?
- What does not allow you to eat?
- What is it that makes you most upset?
- What is it that makes you cry?
- What is it that you think about when you're praying?
When you think about the answers to all of these questions, when you find someone who is in an abusive relationship, chances are the answer to a lot of these questions, if not all of these questions, is that other person. So let's reflect on this for a moment.
The Misdirection of Fear and Worship
When you're in an abusive relationship, what you're thinking about first thing in the morning is that person. What are they going to do to me today? How do I avoid getting abused today? What's the last thing they think about before they sleep? What are they going to do tomorrow? What can I do to avoid such and such? What are you thinking about while you're praying? Same thing. What are you most afraid of? Well, you're not any longer most afraid of Allah.
Your greatest fear is no longer Allah and meeting Allah on the Day of Judgment. And is Allah displeased with me? And is Allah angry with me? Instead, your greatest fear is, is this person angry with me? Is this person displeased with me? And is this person going to punish me? And there is a serious problem there. Because that should never ever be another person.
It should never be another person that we fear most. It should never be another person that we think about most. It should be Allah that we fear most.
It should be Allah that we think about most. And it should only be Allah that we're worried if he's angry and if he's displeased and if he's going to punish us. We should not be worrying about standing in front of another person.
But we should be worried about standing in front of Allah. So if we have taken that place of fear and thought and all of those things and we've given it to another person, that is absolutely an injustice to your own self. That is absolutely wrong.
That's almost like a form of worship. Because you have taken what belongs to Allah, the fear that belongs to Allah, the mental and emotional and psychological effort and investment that belongs to Allah and you have given it to another person. And that is oppression on every level.
That's an oppression against your own self. You were created to give that to Allah. You were created to worship Allah.
You were created to fear Allah, not another person. That is extremely important to understand the real meaning of (لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ)
The Solution: Tawakkul (Trust in Allah)
Along with that and along with this concept of tawheed, of that Allah is at the center of my life, Allah is at the center of my thoughts, at the center of my fears, at the center of my hopes, and at the center of my love, is the concept of tawakkul, the concept of trust.
A lot of times what keeps a woman or a man or keeps a person in an abusive relationship is that they are afraid or they don't know how they're going to provide for themselves. They're afraid of their provision being cut off or they're afraid of something happening to them or their children. Basically, it's a fear of the unknown.
It's a fear of how am I going to get out. It's this feeling of being trapped. It's this feeling of not seeing a way out and it's a feeling of not knowing where your provision will come from.
Allah's Promise in Surah At-Talaq
Now look what Allah says about this exact issue in Surat al-Talaq, Surat al-Talaq, the chapter of divorce, verses 2 and 3:
Allah here is saying that whoever has taqwa of Allah, so Allah becomes their object of fear, their object of fear is only Allah. Then Allah says that that person will be made for them, Allah will make for them a way out. So Allah says:
This is the first part, we have to have taqwa of Allah, fear of only Allah يَجْعَل لَّهُ مَخْرَجًا - We will make for them a way out.
So the first concern is usually, how do I get out? I'm trapped, I don't see a way out. And yet Allah here is saying that if you fear Allah first and foremost, if you put your focus on Him, if you have taqwa of Him, if He is what you are revolving your life around, if He is what you focus on, and if you turn your entire self to Allah, Allah will make a way out for you. And look at the second part:
And we will provide for Him from places that He never imagined.
So the two concerns, the two fears, how am I going to get out? What's the way out? And the second one is provision. Here Allah is saying, and you have to be very careful when it comes to tawakkul, right? Because Allah when He says something, it's an absolute certainty. It's not me saying something, it's not your friend saying something.
You know, we can say things and we can break our word, we can break our promises. This is a promise of Allah, and Allah never breaks His promise. Allah here is saying that if you put your complete, if you fear Allah, if Allah is what you are most conscious of, and you turn your whole self to Allah, give it to Him, Allah will make a way out for you and Allah will provide you from places that you never imagined.
The Example of Musa (AS) and Complete Trust
And that is tawakkul, that is tawakkul. Like Musaalayhi salam, when Musaalayhi salam was standing in front of the Red Sea, he looked very trapped. He had an army behind him, Pharaoh and his army.
Pharaoh at this time was the world's superpower, and his army behind him. And there he is standing with a group of slaves, and in front of him is the Red Sea. I mean how could anyone be more trapped than Musaalayhi salam was at this point? None of us are more trapped than Musaalayhi salam was at that point.
And yet Musaalayhi salam did not lose his trust in Allah. He did not even flinch. He had complete faith, complete trust in Allah that Allah would take care of him.
That Allah would take care of him and those who were with him. And that Allah would guide him through. And when the people around him, so the other people around him with the weak faith, they said to him that we're going to be overtaken, and we're doomed basically now, right? They were very scared because they saw this situation as hopeless.
They saw that they were trapped. And yet Musaalayhi salam saw beyond that. He saw beyond the illusion of being trapped, and instead saw Allah.
And he said, He said to the people, by no means will we be overtaken. Because they thought that they were just doomed at that point. And he said by no means, indeed my Lord is with me and he will guide me through.
The Miraculous Solution
And what happened to Musaalayhi salam? Musaalayhi salam was told to strike the sea and Allah split the sea in half. And there was a path made for Musaalayhi salam and he went right through. So think and reflect about this story and realize this is not just a story.
Anything that Allah tells us in the Quran, any story that we're told is not just for us to entertain ourselves and to tell to our children before they sleep. But rather it's intended as a lesson for us. So that when we are put in a similar situation, yes we are not going to be standing in front of a red sea with Pharaoh behind us.
But we will get put in situations in our own lives where we feel trapped. And we will get put in situations in our lives where we see no way out and where it looks impossible. Absolutely you will be put in those situations.
And so in those situations we are given inspiration from the story of Musaalayhi salam, how to break out of that situation and how we should respond in that situation. And this is a lesson for us. When we are in that place where everything looks closed, everything looks impossible, everybody may be against us and we just don't see any way out.
Allah if you put your trust in him as Musa did, he will make a way out for you from a place that you never ever ever imagined. Did anyone imagine that a sea, an entire body of water would split in half? It was something that no one would imagine. And yes a lot of times we think that the miracles are only for the prophets, right?
The Promise is for All Believers
Complete Reliance on Allah Alone
We have to remember Allah is in charge, no other person is in charge. You know people might try to threaten you but ultimately your fate and my fate are only in the hands of Allah. Remember the Hadith Qudsi where Allah says:
(At-Tirmidhi 2516)
If the nations, if every single person was to gather together in order to benefit you with something, they could not benefit you with anything except what Allah had written for you. And if every single person, all of the nations had come together to harm you with something, they could not harm you except with what Allah had written for you.
This is extremely important for us to understand. Allah is the one in charge, no one else. No one else is in charge of your provision, no one else can harm you, no one else can help you, only Allah is in charge and we have to seek him and we have to seek refuge in him and honestly that's the point.
When Allah sends us hardship, when Allah sends us tests, the intent of these things is to bring us back to him. The intent is to bring us closer to him so that we will seek refuge in him.
When the storm comes, that's when you seek refuge. Seek refuge in Allah and if you truly seek refuge in Allah, Allah will take care of you and your family.
Closing
I say this and ask Allah's forgiveness for me and for you. He is Forgiving and Merciful.
وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ
And peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah and His blessings.
At this time I'm going to take questions inshallah.