Finding Peace in a Chaotic World - Corrected Khutba

What do other people think about you? How do you look? We're living right now in a time, it's like unprecedented time of complete obsession with appearances, like obsession, right? It's become so important what you look like, what you wear, how you present yourself. Why? Because this is the culture we're in right now, the Instagram culture. And it's all about putting yourself out there and looking a certain way, having a specific type of image.

And so all of these things create a chaos. They create, as one of the viewers mentioned, it's distracting, right? You lose focus of what matters. And the reason for that is this is what we can see, right? This is what's close to us.

This is what we can experience, you know, firsthand. But Jannah and Jahannam, that just seems far away, right? Even Allah feels far away to many of us. Am I right? Even if we pray, sometimes we feel like, but I don't feel Allah, right? I pray, maybe I'm going through the motions, but I don't feel connected to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

And so what happens is I don't feel connected to Allah, I don't feel connected to heaven or hell, but I feel connected to my phone, you know? I feel connected to my friends on Instagram, Facebook. That I feel connected to because it's in front of me, right? It's not unseen, right? It's not (غَيْب - ghayb). It's not (غَيْب - ghayb).

It's something immediate. It's something I can feel and touch. It's the material.

And so this is our biggest test. Our test is that we choose the material over the spiritual, right? We choose the immediate gratification over the delayed gratification, right? Because Jannah is not right now. Heaven is not right now. Meeting Allah is not right now. And so we instead focus on, well, I'm going to meet my friend, right? Or I'm going to meet someone that I love. And we forget and we kind of put aside what is coming.

The Solution: Dhikr (Remembrance)

Now, how can we avoid that? So this is one of the pitfalls of the chaos of dunya, of the materialism, of the fact that there's so much to get distracted by. And to be honest, there's only one answer. There's only one way to not fall into that trap.

There's only one way. And that is something called (ذِكْر. ذِكْر - dhikr. dhikr)

You know what (ذِكْر - dhikr) is? Can anyone just define this word? Remembrance. The reason, see, I want everyone to reflect for a moment. You know, people, a lot of times from other faiths, they find out we pray five times a day and they're like, that's a lot.

You know what I mean? Like, that's a lot. I thought I was religious and I pray before bed, you know? Or like I pray on Sunday or something, and that's religious. Five times.

And that's just the (فَرْض - fard), right? That's without any (نَوَافِل - nawafil) prayers. So if you reflect on that for a second, why do we pray five times a day? And by the way, it used to be 50. How many people know this? If you actually study, you find that when the commandment first came, it was 50 times.

And then Allah reduced it to five. So what do I want you to do? I want you to think about why would that be the case. Why?

There's a reason why our creator told us to pray five times a day, and he spread out those prayers throughout the day. They could have all been before bed, right? Or all in the morning before we got busy with our day. But that's exactly the point. It's so that we don't become so busy with the material things that we forget about our actual purpose.

Does that make sense? It is a reminder that is designed in the prescription. It's designed to make us stay focused. And so the fact that you were saying, you know, sometimes you get off track or you get focused on something, that's human nature.

And that's why Allah has told us to pray five times a day. That prayer is to remind us. It's a remembrance. It's (ذِكْر - dhikr). It's to remind us. It's to recalibrate. It's to reorient us what to our ultimate purpose. Our ultimate purpose.

Our Ultimate Purpose

Now let me come back to what is our ultimate purpose.

What is our ultimate purpose? Allah tells us,

This is a very profound ayah, and I can't do it justice. But generally, roughly translated, it means Allah says that we have not created jinn and humans for any other purpose, except to know, worship, love God.

(لِيَعْبُدُون - liya'budun). Now (لِيَعْبُدُون - liya'budun) I can't only translate it as worship. Because it is not just worship in the ritualistic sense. That's not what it means. (عُبُودِيَّة - 'ubudiyyah) is when you... If I were to translate (عُبُودِيَّة - 'ubudiyyah), One way to translate it, it's enslaving ourselves to God so that we can become free.

See, it seems like a contradiction, right? That's why, it's like when you say you're a slave of God, a lot of people think of slave, because the word slave is a very negative word, right? It has a very negative connotation. Yes, being a slave to anything other than the Creator is a negative thing. In fact, it's oppressive.

It's oppression. It is the worst kind of oppression, to enslave yourself to anything other than God. But to enslave yourself to God, to become a slave of Allah, is the only way to actually become free.

That's deep. Do you know why? I'll answer that question by telling you something. One of the companions of the Prophet, or it might have been at that day, he came to one of the towns, and he said, I have come to free you from the slavery to the slave, and bring you to the slavery of the Lord of the slave.

So what does he say? He's saying, I'm coming to free you. Here's the thing. Every single one of us is a slave. Every single one of us is a slave to something. Everyone's a slave to something. Some people are slaves to their desires. Some people are slaves to another person. Some people are slaves to money. Some people are slaves to power. Some people are slaves to image, how they appear in front of people. A lot of people are slaves to what other people think. Have you heard of that? But what are people going to say? There are people out there, there are cultures out there, where everything you do or don't do, is based on, but what are people going to say? What are people going to say? That's called slavery.

That's slavery. What are you a slave to? Other people. The opinions of other people. What those people are going to say about you, and about your family. That's slavery. When a woman is told, no, go back to your abusive husband, because what are people going to say? That's oppression.

But what's the root of that oppression? It's slavery to what other people think. That's actually the root of the oppression. Because you're more worried about what people think, than you are about anything else.

And that's why, that's one kind of slavery. When we enslave ourselves only to Allah, meaning that, I'm not a slave to what people think. I'm not a slave to my own desires. I'm not a slave to money. I'm not a slave to image and power, and status. I'm only a slave to Allah.

Then and only then do we become free. So that is what Allah is saying, when He says

(Quran 51:56)

It's very important why we're here. Why were we created? Because it's easy to get lost in this chaos of life.

Between our jobs, and social media, and our friends, and our drama. A lot of drama, right? Netflix. That's a big part. That's important. So there's a lot of distractions. And it's easy to forget, why am I here? Some of us aren't clear on that.

And this is a reminder of why we're here. Allah says, I have not created human beings, I have not created jinn and human beings, for any purpose, except (لِيَعْبُدُون - liya'budun). Except that they enslaved themselves to me, and that's how we're going to become free.

The Importance of Dhikr and Salah

And that's why Allah has told us to pray five times a day. That prayer is to remind us. It's a remembrance. It's (ذِكْر - dhikr). It's to remind us. It's to recalibrate. It's to reorient us what to our ultimate purpose. Our ultimate purpose.

Now let me come back to what is our ultimate purpose.

What is our ultimate purpose? Allah tells us

(Quran 51:56)

This is a very profound ayah, and I can't do it justice. But generally, roughly translated, it means Allah says that we have not created jinn and humans for any other purpose, except to know, worship, love God.

(لِيَعْبُدُون - liya'budun). Now (لِيَعْبُدُون - liya'budun) I can't only translate it as worship. Because it is not just worship in the ritualistic sense. That's not what it means. (عُبُودِيَّة - 'ubudiyyah) is when you... If I were to translate (عُبُودِيَّة - 'ubudiyyah), One way to translate it, it's enslaving ourselves to God so that we can become free.

Understanding Tests and Trials

The Believer's Perspective on Trials

Does that make sense? When you remember your purpose, then everything else can fall into place. But you have to know your purpose. If you lose sight of your purpose, nothing's going to make sense.

Nothing is going to make sense. There's a question a lot of people suffer from, or struggle with, rather. And that's the question of, why do bad things happen to good people? A lot of people struggle with this question.

You know that that question is what happens when you lose sight of your purpose. And I'll explain why. The reason is that if you lose sight of your purpose, then you lose sight of what bad and good really are.

You actually don't understand. If you lose sight of your purpose, you lose sight of what is good for me, and what is bad for me. So when you ask, why do bad things happen to good people, the reality is, bad things never happen to good people.

Bad things never happen to good people. And I'll tell you the proof for that. There's a prophetic hadith.

Muslim 2999

There's a hadith that says. The matter of a believer is strange. Why? Because everything is good for him or her.

Do you see what the hadith is saying? The hadith is saying that bad things will never happen to a believer.

And now immediately you're asking in your mind, but what about this? But what about this thing that happened? And what about this? And what about this person who lost, you know, a family member? This person who this happened to them, and this person... See, this is where we have to go back to the root. What actually is the definition of good and bad?

Yes, I'm not saying that people aren't going to go through pain. I can't tell you that people aren't going to go through loss.

But what we are promised is that for a believer, everything will end up good for them, even if it means pain and loss. That's deep. Even pain and loss ultimately is good for a believer.

The Analogy of Medical Treatment

That's really deep. And that's... By the way, that's an entire other discussion. That's an entire other discussion. I talk a lot about that and show that in the book, and I have a class called Silver Lightning at Melbourne. But the whole idea is that no matter what comes in the path of a believer, if a person knows their purpose, everything that happens to you is actually for your own good. It's actually for your own good.

I'll give you an analogy of that. When you take a child into the doctor to get shots, what's the reaction of that child? Anyone taken an infant to get shots? Not the happiest day for the infant, right? The infant screams, is angry, isn't happy with the doctor, right?

Now imagine you take a 10-year-old to get the same shot. And you can explain to the 10-year-old that this is for your own good. What's the reaction of the 10-year-old? Well, maybe not happy, but also not screaming and shouting, right?

Now when you take an adult, a full-grown adult, who's going into the doctor to get life-saving medicine through a needle. So it's the same shot. Imagine that each of these people, each of these, the baby, the 10-year-old, and the adult, are all getting the same life-saving medicine.

It's actually saving their life. Everyone with me? What's the reaction of the adult, who's just had their life saved through this needle? Thank you. That adult isn't screaming and shouting.

That adult isn't angry at the doctor. In fact, it's the opposite. The adult is grateful.

Can someone tell me what's the difference between the baby and the adult? It's understanding. It's just understanding. It's the same exact experience.

Am I right? It's the same exact needle. It's the same exact pain. But the understanding is different, and so the reaction is different.

Right? The adult knows that this is actually for my own good. That this isn't to hurt me. This is actually to save me. This is actually to heal me. This is actually to make me stronger. And so the adult reacts with gratitude.

The Concepts of Rida and Sabr

And this is a concept in Islam called (رِضَا - rida) or (صَبْر - sabr). (رِضَا - rida) means contentment with the decree of Allah. To be content with what Allah has chosen for you.

To be content with what Allah is doing in your life. (صَبْر - sabr) means to be patient. To persevere.

It is only possible that you're going to be able to be patient and have contentment if you understand that whatever Allah does is for your own good. Right? And to know this is from Allah, and what Allah brings is the best.

And they're not breathing. Can you train for a marathon if you're not breathing? And can you be an Olympic athlete if you're not breathing? Absolutely not. You gotta breathe.

You gotta breathe. (صلاة - salah) is your breathing. There's nothing that you can accomplish if you're not breathing spiritually.

So you have to go back to this essential part of our spiritual livelihood. And that's (صلاة - salah). And the prophet Allah told us to do it certain times of the day.

Do you know why that is? It's because Allah knows what he's doing. I promise you Allah knows what he's doing. So it's like here's the thing, I know it's crazy.

It's a crazy concept. It's not just whenever we wake up. You feel me? It's not.

It's actually a certain time. And why? Because Allah knows what he's doing. If a doctor told you you had to take a medicine at a specific time for it to work, you would follow that.

If the doctor said, see this medicine? It won't work. And this medicine's keeping you alive. You'll take it all the time.

Right? Yes you will. You will definitely. Because we care about our life.

And we trust the doctor. We say, you know what? The doctor knows what they're saying. Allah knows what he's doing when he tells us that (ظهر - dhuhr) is at a certain time.

Allah knows what he's doing when he says (عصر - asr) is at a certain time. And (مغرب - maghrib) and (عشاء - isha). So I promise you that Allah knows.

2. Daily Adhkar (Remembrances)

The second part of this prescription, so in order to live our lives in such a way where there is peace in the chaos. The second is, I advise every single person to have a regimen everyday. Even if it's for a few minutes of (أذكار - adhkar).

What are (أذكار - adhkar)? Different types of remembrance of Allah. Now the first one I mentioned was (صلاة - salah). That's essential.

That's essential. But in addition to that, there's certain prayers of dua. Certain supplications.

That the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) taught us. And these supplications, when you say them throughout your day. They actually transform your life.

They transform your life. And I have challenged audiences all over the world to do this. And it actually changed people's lives.

Is when they started to make this a regimen. A regimented thing. Just like you get up, you eat your meals, you take your vitamins, you do your exercise.

There is also a spiritual regimen that we need. And when you follow it, it changes your life. And so that regimen is that there's certain supplications that we're told to say in the morning.

That we're told to say in the evening. And before we sleep. Those three times are some of the most essential.

There's, of course, other ones. Small ones after prayer. Right? You learn them.

There's supplications when, you know, the amazing thing is that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) lived his life. Where throughout his life he was remembering God. Right? So there's a supplication for everything.

There's a supplication for driving. A supplication for leaving your home. A supplication for entering.

There's even a supplication for entering the bathroom. A supplication before intimacy. There is a way to remember God according to the sunnah for everything in life.

That actually is very powerful. Because that is what transforms the mundane into the spiritual. That's how we find spirituality within the mundane.

Right? Because you're still driving to work. Right? You're still getting married. You're still, you know, using the restroom.

You're still being intimate with your spouse. You're still eating. But while you're doing these things, you're remembering Allah.

Do you understand? So my advice practically is that to get an app on your phone. Because you know what? The phone is like a part of our appendage. It's like an organ.

And so we always have our phone. You're like, phone? And so put the app on your phone called My Dua. This is the one I use.

There's lots of them. But this is like best 99 cents you'll ever invest. My Dua.

M-Y-D-U-A. How many people have heard of Fortress of the Muslim? Many of you. This is just the app form of that.

The app version of Fortress of the Muslim. What this app is, is a collection of verses and supplications to say in any aspect of life. So it's like a collection.

You can click on, okay, I'm traveling. Here's a supplication. You know, I'm feeling anxious today.

Here's a supplication. I'm wanting more provision. Here's a supplication.

Do you understand? So now that you have this app, which you're going to download (إِنْ شَاءَ اللَّهُ - insha'Allah). And you're going to invest for the rest of your life (إِنْ شَاءَ اللَّهُ - insha'Allah). Just by downloading this and then using it.

Once you get that app on your phone, what I advise is make sure that in the morning, you're doing your morning supplications. In the evening, you're doing your evening supplications. And you're saying some supplications before you sleep.

One other point I'm going to pointer, I'm going to tell you is that in the app, when you go to morning supplications. So it's morning slash evening remembrance. When you go there, you're going to find there's a list of like 25, okay.

So what happens is, human nature, we might do all of them like one day and then never do it again. Because it took us an hour, right? So one principle I want to tell you, very important, is that it's not all or none. The prophets (صلى الله عليه وسلم) told us that Allah loves the actions that are consistent, even if they're small.

Got that? That's a very important spiritual principle. The actions that are consistent, even if they're small. And by the way, you see this in the physical world too, right? You know, it's better to do 50 sit-ups every day than to do like 5,000 and never do it again, right? So this is the way it works spiritually.

Even if you're just going to say a few, but be consistent, you will see a transformative effect. You don't have to spend an hour doing it. You can have something you can do on your commute, you know, there's also a way to listen to it if you're driving, whatever.

But what you can do in the app is you can put a star next to certain supplications, and then that becomes your collection. But make sure you're consistent. If you can one up, you know, a lot, seven of them or whatever amount, but be consistent in the morning, in the evening, and then before you sleep.

And just do that, and after even a few days, you will see a huge, huge difference. How many people have, is there anyone in the audience who tried this, who did this? So you guys know what I'm talking about. The difference, did you see the difference? Yeah.

It changes your life, it changes your psychological and emotional state, am I right? And the days you don't do it, you feel it. So he's saying you used to hang it up on the wall, and when you get up, you look at it. Exactly.

And then of course, like, when you don't do it, you feel it, right? It's like, you know, you didn't do it. I will tell this, for those who are married, there's a lot of seminars out there about, you know, marriage advice and stuff. Actually, my husband is a marital coach himself, and he uses this method of coaching.

And one thing I will tell you is that all the advice that they give us, you know, Islamic marriage advice, Islamic marriage counsel, honestly, the best marital advice I can give anyone is do your morning and

evening (أذكار - adhkar). I promise you. Like, but no one says this, but I'm telling you, this is a secret.

It's actually the best marriage advice I can give anyone, and I know this from a lot of experience. So it's really amazing because it changes your spiritual state. It changes your mental state.

And remember we talked about the unseen? I mentioned a few things. I mentioned we don't see Allah, right? We don't see heaven and hell. We also don't see (شيطان - shaytan).

We also don't see (شيطان - shaytan) and we also don't see (شيطان - shaytan's) army, but it's real. And it exists. And Allah has told us in the Qur'an that (شيطان - shaytan) is an avowed enemy to mankind, and especially to the believer.

And so what these (أذكار - adhkar) do, among other things, is they create a shield. This is, by the way, why it's called a fortress, because it creates a fortress around the believer's heart and around your life, really, around your marriage, around your children. It is a shield from any kind of unseen force that wants ill for us.

And this is something documented in the Qur'an, that (شيطان - shaytan) is an open enemy. And so all around it actually really transforms your entire life. So that was number two.

3. Daily Qur'an Reading

And then finally number three is having the Qur'an in a daily part of your life. Now I know many of us read a lot of Qur'an in Ramadan. We try to finish it, right? We go to (تراویح - tarawih)

But we have to be careful, because what would happen to a person if they only eat for one month out of the year, and then they don't eat for 11 months? You're going to starve, right? And that's the problem, is that many of us, we have this spiritual nourishment in Ramadan, and then we starve our soul for the rest of the year.

So we have to have Qur'an be a regular part of our life, not only in Ramadan. Because you can't only eat during one season.

You have to eat throughout the year, and you have to breathe throughout the year. So these three things, the (صلاة - salah) and on time, because again, Allah knows what He's doing when He commanded, when He prescribed it at certain times.

And Allah tells us this in the Qur'an, that "[Indeed, salah is a decree bound by time for the believers]" (Quran 4:103) - it is at a prescribed time.

Number two was the (أذكار - adhkar), or any other one, but that's one that I found to be very, very good. And then number three is the Qur'an. And within that is of course following the example of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) because the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) and his Sunnah and his Hadith came as a way for us to live the Qur'an.

For us to understand the Qur'an. When you do these three things, it allows you to find peace even within the chaos. And I promise you it will change your life.

The Importance of a Clean Heart

See, everything I'm saying right now will just sound like concepts. But when you actually do it, and you're consistent, you will find that your life changes. One other thing that happens, and I think one person mentioned this, is that there's a lot of confusion.

There's a lot of chaos, there's a lot of distraction, but there's also a lot of confusion. Sometimes we don't know black from white, right from wrong. We don't know which way to go.

We don't know what's right, what's wrong, who should I listen to, which website, this website says they're wrong, that website says they're wrong, that scholar says this. And there's a lot of confusion even in our concepts. The media right now has a certain agenda.

There's certain things that you're supposed to think are right, and there's certain things you're supposed to think are wrong. And that's just how we're grown up. So how do we start to have clarity of right and wrong? I'll tell you something.

Clarity only comes when you polish the heart. That's the only way you're going to have clarity. Because, listen carefully, we don't see with our eyes, we see with our hearts.

True, true sight, let me explain. Obviously we see physical things with our eyes, but true insight, that insight is from the heart. It's only through the heart.

And so if the heart is dirty, you don't see things as they actually are. You don't have insight. You don't have true understanding.

You'll think something that's really, really bad is actually good. You'll think something that's really good is actually bad. This is the reason why certain acts of worship, for example, start to look really heavy.

Do you understand what I'm saying? Certain acts of worship start to look heavy. You know (حجاب - hijab) for example. (حجاب - hijab) is one act of worship, like prayer or fasting.

And for some people, it might start to look heavy. And part of that has to do with the state of the heart. If it's something that is an act of worship and it starts to become too heavy for me, then it's not about, you know, a person can come and talk, Oh, but there's this ruling and there's this, you know.

We talk a lot about rules. We're very good at talking about rules. But you can tell someone all the rules in the world, but the heart has to be polished.

Otherwise, a person will reject the rules. A person will reject it. There's a very profound narration where (عائشة - Aisha), she says, that if the first verses to be revealed were, Do not drink alcohol, the people would have

That positivity with Allah, how do you cultivate that? The answer is by getting to know Allah. By getting to know Allah.

Because if you know Allah, you love Allah.

So how do you get to know Allah? The best way is by reading His words. The more that you understand, the more that you get to know Allah through His words and through praying to Him. The more you remember Him, the more you're building a connection with Him.

The more that you will realize that Allahsubhanahu wa ta'ala only wants good for you. And that Allah is always protecting you and taking care of you. But that happens through building a relationship.

Like you didn't become best friends with your best friend without building a relationship or your spouse. And so you have to build. And Allah is high above any analogy.

Allah is our creator. But the more we know Allah through remembering Him and reading His words and reflecting on it, the more we will have a good opinion of Allah. And one other thing to do is important.

Is to reflect on the creation too. Because all around us are signs of Allah. All around us.

Indeed in the creation of the heavens and the earth and alteration of night and day are signs for those of understanding. That's what the ayah says. So it's important too that we reflect on the world around us too.

And we find Allahsubhanahu wa ta'ala in that. But the heart has to be clean to be able to see it.

Question on Striving vs. Accepting Allah's Will

Question: I just have a question about your first point and striving and not giving up and keep going. At what point do you think the American mentality at first, you know, you don't say you're trying or you know like more of the Muslim like this is what Allah wills. Like where is the balance in that? That's what I struggle with.

Answer: That's a great question. And the answer to it is not black or white. So honestly what I would say as the best advice for that question is this is why we seek guidance from Allah. There's a gift that Allah has given us called (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara)

How many of you have heard of (اِسْتِخَارَة اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara istikhara) is usually this like understood as this ritual you do before you get married. Right? But (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara) is much much deeper than just that. (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara) is a prayer that we do to seek guidance.

To seek direction. How does it work, right? And that's also in your app. So you pray two (رَكَعَات - rak'at) of extra length of prayer and then you recite this (دُعَاء - du'a).

Now when you look at the meaning of this (دُعَاء - du'a) what it's asking from Allah is Allah, if this is good for me in my (دُنْيَا - dunya) and my (آخِرَة - akhira) so in this world and the next then (فَاقْدُرْنِي وَيَسِّرْنِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي - faqdurni wa yassirni thumma barik li) then make it happen make it easy and put blessing in it. And if this is not good for me in my (دُنْيَا - dunya) and my (آخِرَة - akhira) then take it away from me and take me away from it. And then bring me what is good for me and make me pleased with it.

So (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara) yes! Isn't that deep? When you really understand what you're saying (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara) is a perfect (دُعَاء - du'a). Because it's exactly what we want. Who in the world wants things that are bad for them? Actually I want it, even if it's bad for you.

We want only goodness, right? We don't want to be hurt. So (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara) is actually just asking God to bring what's good and take away what's bad. And if something is not good for you (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara) says replace it with what's good for me and make me happy with it.

It's so comprehensive. Why do we not use (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara) more? Why is it just a ritual we do before we get married? And then of course it's like we had a dream and weird stuff, right? It's like there's so many weird myths that come with (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara) and I heard recently that you pay people to pray (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara) for you or something. That's really strange.

That's really weird. Because you're just supposed to pray for yourself, right? And one of my favorite racial blinds is my mom prays (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara). It's not even like I pray (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara).

Mama's boy prays. Mama's boy's mama prays (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara). But the point here is that (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara) is something that you're asking Allah direct me and take away what's bad and bring me what's good.

So we need to use that that's the concept we have to have in life. Is that yes, we do our effort we tie our camel, right? We do our striving but at the same time we ask Allah, you know what? If this is good, then make it happen. And if it's not, take it away.

Because I don't want anything that's not good for me. Nobody wants that. So it's really asking Allah to take care of it.

So sometimes in life we might be trying for something and we keep trying and trying and it's just not working out. Right? So at some point if we're praying (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara) we need to understand that that's Allah answering our (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara). He answers where in this (دُعَاء - du'a) do we ask for a dream? Right? Did you hear it? Because I did.

Show me a dream. We're not prophets. Like, yes there is such thing as true dreams.

Even non-prophets can have true dreams. But we don't have any way of knowing right? Because a dream can be from three sources if you're not a prophet. It can either be true from Allah It can either be true if it's from Allah or it can be from the next, my old self Okay.

Maybe I'm just really worried about something so I dream about it. Or it could be from (شَيْطَان - shaytan). Or it could be from (شَيْطَان - shaytan) so how do I know the difference? Like, I'm going to make this huge decision based on a dream that could be from (شَيْطَان - shaytan)

Or it could be from what I ate last night for dinner. You know? And plus I'm of course interpreting the dream as I want too. Because you know what? I had a dream about a dog and then that means the dog begins with D and the person's name begins with D. So that means that's Shadari now.

Like, I can also do that. So it's like (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara) isn't like you know Anyway. (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara) essentially is asking Allah to take over.

To make it happen, smooth and for blessing. It's good for you. And to take it away if it's not.

So I highly, highly recommend you know getting back into the sunnah of doing (اِسْتِخَارَة - istikhara). Because we don't know what's best for us. We don't know the unseen.

Question on Repentance

Question: I had a question. In terms of like asking for forgiveness to like purify our hearts. Is that like something where we can just do like like do this for Allah again and again? Or is it something like where we need to in our mind remember or like be aware of the things that we did wrong and then ask for forgiveness? Or is it just like you can just like read or ask for forgiveness in general constantly?

Answer: The answer is both. Both. We need to do both.

(اِسْتِغْفَار - istighfar) can be like about a specific sin where you're making repentance about a specific sin. And it also should be like something that we do to suffer Allah. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said that in his sunnah that he would say (أَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّه - astaghfirullah) numerous times a day.

One narration says a hundred times a day. It was something that was part of his regular (أَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّه - astaghfirullah). So, both.

The answer is both. And that's all part of the purifying. And then there's also the (اِسْتِغْفَار - istighfar) specific things.

Really quickly, let me just say it since you didn't ask. So, the requirements for like a specific type of (اِسْتِغْفَار - istighfar). So, you committed a specific sin and you want to repent from that specific sin.

So, the first requirement, three requirements sometimes, four depending on what the sin is. One is that you feel a sense of remorse. You feel bad about the sin.

The second is that you stop doing the sin. And then third is that you make the intention not to return to it. Okay? The fourth is when your sin involves the rights of another human being, and that's to try to rectify it with that other human being if possible.

One example is stealing. Stealing is a sin against God, but it's also a sin against human. Right? Because you've taken someone else's right.

So, in that case, it would involve making right with God, but also with the person. And that's not always possible, but if possible, yeah.

Question for Mothers

Question: I just had a question As a mom, we just saw you over, you heard your child outside, but any advice or advice specifically for moms trying to get out of the chaos of just having their kids?

Answer: So, the last part of the question, the chaos of just being a mom.

Yes, okay. Okay. So, actually, again, the best advice I can give to a mom, like, the first best advice is do your (أَذْكَار - adhkar)

Like, I'm serious. Because the thing about the thing about doing your (أَذْكَار - adhkar), especially if you're, like, on top of your absolute basics, your five prayers, your (أَذْكَار - adhkar) of morning, evening, and, you know, before you sleep, and as much as you can when you're driving, you say your (أَذْكَار - adhkar) before you eat, after your prayer. What that does is it changes your state.

It changes your state. So, you're able to do more in less time. That's huge.

There's something called (بَرَكَة - baraka)baraka means blessing. And it's when Allahsubhanahu wa ta'ala puts blessing in your time, for example, then you can do more in less time.

You can do more with less effort. Right (بَرَكَة - baraka) in your efforts means that you can get more with less effort. (بَرَكَة - baraka) in your wealth, that your wealth will be able to do more with less wealth.

So, we want (بَرَكَة - baraka). We want the help of Allah. (أَذْكَار - adhkar) does that for you.

It allows you to be a lot more patient, which is really, really necessary, especially with, you know, children that test your patience. And, of course, they're designed to test especially your buttons, right? Because they're from your genes. And, yeah.

And, you know, Allah told us that our children are a test, that our children are a (فِتْنَة - fitna). And I don't mean that badly, but it's a test. It's a test.

And children are definitely a test. One other advice I want to give to moms, and I wish we had more time to talk about this one, but one mistake that a lot of moms do is that we do (طَوَاف - tawaf) around our children. We revolve around our children.

So, that's very dangerous and unhealthy. I'll explain what I mean by that. Because the love that a mother feels for her child is natural.

You know, it's like, this is mercy. It becomes a test for her where we can put the children at the center of our life. The center of our existence, really.

And everything becomes about the child. Now, this becomes dangerous for the individual, but it also becomes dangerous for the marriage. Because what happens is you stop investing in your marriage, and both parents are just holding hands doing (طَوَاف - tawaf) together around the child.

And that's like the only relationship they have, is that they're both together doing (طَوَاف - tawaf) around the child. You know what I'm saying? They stop being husband and wife, and they're just mom and dad. You know what I'm talking about?

It's all about the kids.

It's all about the kids. Do stop worshipping your child. It's not all about the kids.

And this is also not very healthy because we're raising narcissists. That's another problem, especially the boys. Some boys talk to me when I say that because they feel that.

So when you, especially in certain cultures, I mean in certain cultures, especially in certain cultures, having a son is like the sun. She feels it. And so, you know, you know what I'm saying? That's so dangerous.

That's so unhealthy. And I think that's one of the biggest mistakes we make is that now this child, and like I said specifically the son, becomes the center of everyone's universe, especially the mom. And she gives everything about her own life and her own development and her own growth, even her own relationship with her husband, everything gets put aside.

And now it's all about the needs of this child. And that's an imbalance, and it's unhealthy. And to worship a child in that way, worship, you're not praying to them, but this is a type of worship, is very unhealthy to that child.

Now that child grows up, and let's add to that, is that during this (طَوَاف - tawaf) that child is also not learning to be responsible. It's not learning to do things for themselves. You know, you have these boys who are not even making their own beds.

They're not taking any responsibility outside of playing video games, and that's a big problem. That's a big problem, because it's creating, you're handicapping a child. Right? Because you're not letting them do anything for themselves.

They don't know how to do anything. And we as moms, we call it love. Right? But no, it's because I love my child, that's why I do everything for him, but you're handicapping him.

Because when is he learning to be a man? Because, you know what, he's supposed to be a man. He can't be a man child. He can't be a boy forever.

HEADING

He has to become a man. And a man is then going to be responsible for his family, and he's supposed to have, you know, these are leaders that we're supposed to be raising, right? So, it is a problem, and it's something that we have to start changing as moms. So, since you asked it, that is something that we need to start talking about.

But one other thing I'm going to add, this is also why we're having, later on, we have issues with the mother-in-law. This is the reason. This is the reason.

It's because the mother, who becomes the mother-in-law, because we married her son, but the problem was that, long ago, long ago, she gave up her life just to walk around this child. And now he's 35, and she's not about to lose that. You know what I'm saying? It's like, uh-uh.

Like, you think that you're going to come marry my son, and everything I did for him is just, no. So, it becomes like this attachment that's very not healthy. It's not healthy.

Because, but what's the root cause of it? It's because you had an unhealthy, this was unhealthy. Our life is not supposed to revolve around another human being. Even if it's your own child.

Even if it's your spouse. Yeah? It's never, that's an imbalance. That's, that's, our life is supposed to revolve around our creator.

That's what it means to be (عَبْدُ اللَّهِ - ‘abd Allah). You understand? This is the freedom that comes with true (عُبُودِيَّة - ‘ubudiyyah) is that I'm not doing this around my child, and then we have healthier relationships. We're not going to have that whole mother-in-law issue, because if the relationship from the start is healthy.

Question on Distinguishing Between Sabr and Action Against Oppression

Question: I hear your talks and today you mentioned some, it's about suffering and oppression. How do you, in a situation of chaos, right, like how do you know if something you should seek patience in, and prayer in, versus something that you may be being oppressed with? So where does that come in?

Answer: Yeah, great question. And again, that's actually something I do cover in a lot of my talks, and that's something that's so important.

People misunderstand the meaning of (صبر - sabr). So this word (صبر - sabr) doesn't mean being passive. It's not the same thing.

(صبر صبر - sabr sabr) has basically is an umbrella term, which includes different actions depending on the situation. Does that make sense? So sometimes (صبر - sabr) means taking action. Sometimes (صبر - sabr) means accepting the decree of Allah.

Sometimes (صبر - sabr) means persevering. So (صبر - sabr) is an inclusive term. So it actually depends on the situation.

HEADING

Now what does the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) tell us about oppression? The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) tells us that

(Muslim 49)

if you see something wrong, you should try to change it with your hand. He doesn't say if you see something wrong, have (صبر - sabr) sister. That's not what the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said.

If you see something wrong, you should try to change it with your hand. And if you cannot, he said then with your tongue speaking against it. And if you cannot, then at least hate it in your heart.

And this is the weakest of (إيمان - iman). So it's part of our faith to try to take action against oppression, against something that's wrong. And another hadith he says (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said انصر أخاك ظالماً أو مظلوماً

(Bukhari 2444)

help your brother if he is an oppressor or he is oppressed.

So the companions wondered the same thing all of you are wondering, which is, well we know how to help him if he's oppressed, but how do I help him if he's the oppressor? And he said by stopping him from oppressing. By stopping him from oppressing. Meaning, meaning, we should not be complicit in oppression.

When I allow oppression to continue, I'm not helping my brother. When I stop someone from oppressing, I'm helping my brother. So the question comes to, it depends if the situation is actually an oppression or an overstepping of your rights.

Does that make sense? So Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and his messenger have told, have given us what our rights are. There's certain things that were given by Allah that this is your right as a human being. That this is your right as a child.

This is your right as a wife. This is your right as a husband. This is your right given by God.

This is called a God-given right. It's given by Allah. If someone tries to take away a God-given right, then that's oppression.

And that's not something you should turn the other cheek about. That's not what (صبر - sabr) means. (صبر - sabr) would be, for example, if there is a situation where somebody, there's something that can't be changed.

So, for example, someone passes away. You can't change that. So you accept the decree of Allah without complaining against Allah.

That's (صبر - sabr). But when there's a situation that can be changed, and you should take action to change it, that's part of our worship. So oppression is not something that we're supposed to turn the other cheek to.

If someone is taking away your God-given right, or the God-given right of another person. So that's part of taking action against oppression. And that's called (صبر - sabr) too, because (صبر - sabr) is sometimes an active word.

HEADING

It means to persevere. So it depends on the situation, but if there is oppression, we're not supposed to stay quiet about it. Yeah.

Closing

So that was it. Okay.

Just a couple announcements.

I do have a few copies of my books. I have two books, Replaying Your Heart, Love and Happiness. They'll be available here.

I'll sign them and show them if you guys want the photos. Also, we'll have more information. Someone is looking for coaching.

That has been designated for days, coaching for couples and specifically for men. So if you are interested, or you know someone who's interested, you can get more information.

.Thank you .السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته