Alchemy of Attachment - Corrected Khutba
By Yasmin Mogahed | 2026-01-10T03:27:43.623154+00:00 | Topic: Iman
Alchemy of Attachment
By Yasmin Mogahed
Opening
I want to begin by saying that I'm actually really excited to be here and part of the reason that I'm really excited to be here is that when you're with a group of people you typically feel some sort of vibe from them and there's a very enthusiastic vibe from this room so (مَا شَاءَ اللَّهُ) that affects me. (الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ) I thank you for coming out I thank you for inviting me it's a beautiful topic and it's a topic that's extremely important for us to reflect on and this is a topic that can transform us.
The Nature of Human Attachment
We as human beings we all have a very similar sort of we have a similar nature we have one creator and that creator made us in a specific way and he made us with a very specific nature all of us have the same nature.
The only difference between one person to the other is that sometimes that nature the natural state of the human being gets covered up. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created within every human being something we'll call something like a hole something like a sort of empty space inside of the human being this is all conceptual not literally but there is this need inside of every human being that means that Muslim non-muslim every human being has this need and anytime that as a human being we feel a sense of emptiness or we feel a sense of something's missing inside us something needs to be filled so we are motivated to try to fill it right this is a natural motivation you feel empty you want to fill.
The Problem with Material Attachments
This is where we fall into the problem because what we try to do is we try to fill our emptiness with what is closest to us and with what we can see and feel and touch because as human beings we have this weakness among other things our weakness is that we like to reach out to the things that we can see and the things that are that feel more tangible more than we like to go beyond that to what is unseen so what we as human beings because we have this nature of impatience we have a nature of wanting what is easy and what is what seems to be closer to us so what we end up doing is we try to fill this emptiness that we agreed everyone has we try to fill this emptiness with the material world.
And when I say the material world don't get me wrong don't misunderstand I don't only mean that we try to fill it with material things as in money and jewelry and fancy cars that is one of the things those are
things that yes we do try to fill the emptiness with but there are a lot there are a lot of different types of sedatives that we try to take in order to numb the feeling of emptiness and in order to fill that void.
Now here's the problem we said Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created everything right and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala made an emptiness or made a void that can only be filled can only be filled with one thing so this is where we fall into the problem as human beings we feel the emptiness and so we go to try to fill it but we try to fill it with the wrong things some of us try to fill it with drugs some try to fill it with alcohol some try to fill it with other people some try to fill it with our careers some try to fill it with money some try to fill it with power status but essentially we're all trying to do the same thing we're trying to fill that emptiness.
Taking Rivals Besides Allah
And this is the reason why as human beings we start to take these objects sometimes there are other people sometimes they are our careers sometimes they are money sometimes status sometimes power sometimes wealth but we take these things and we start to love them as we should only love our Creator.
And among the people are some who take besides Allah rivals, they love them as they love Allah. But those who believe are stronger in love for Allah.
And in what way are these things rivals with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala these are not things necessarily that we bow down to they are not things that we necessarily pray to because we have this idea in our mind that an idol is just something that you make out of stone and then you pray to it right at the time of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم the idol worshippers they made stone idols and they prayed to them and so we limit this concept of idol worship we limit this concept to just a stone object or saying that God has a son and that's where we think that's idol worship and as long as I don't do that I don't have idols of the heart.
But Allah in this ayah is saying that there are people who take rivals with Allah and in what way are they rivals with Allah (يُحِبُّونَهُمْ كَحُبِّ اللَّهِ) - they love them as they should only love Allah they love them as the love that they should have for Allah (وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا أَشَدُّ حُبًّا لِلَّهِ) - and those who believe are strongest in their love for Allah.
Recognizing What We Love Most
Now everything that I've just said is still very conceptual no one in this room will raise their hand and say okay actually I love so and so more than Allah or I love such and such as I should only love Allah because typically as believers even disbelievers we don't really recognize this and we wouldn't acknowledge it but in our actions and in our inside of us that's the situation but we don't recognize it.
The natural question is first how do you recognize what these things are that we love as we should only love Allah that's the first question second what's the problem with doing this what are the consequences of loving something as you should only love Allah what is the consequence of taking this emptiness that we all have and filling it with something other than our creator and the love of our creator and the ultimate attachment to our creator what is the consequence.
Indicators of Love
First of all let's ask what how do we know what things we have taken and loved as we should only love Allah well nobody can you know like go inside with some sort of apparatus and do a test on the heart that's gonna tell you ok for you you know it's your money for you it's school for you it's your job for you it's people and maybe it's a combination of things we don't have any sort of litmus test or blood test for this right so how do you find out you know that there are indicators of love there are indicators of love and I want you guys to ask yourself this question.
We've all experienced human love at the least right we know what it feels like to love another person am I right anyone in this room never felt love in their life ok good we've all felt experienced this this emotion now ask yourself this when you love another person what does it look like how do you feel how do you act what are the indicators of love.
1. What Occupies Your Thoughts
Well first of all one of the most clear indicators of love is whatever you love most whatever occupies the biggest part in your heart is going to also occupy the biggest part in your thoughts and in your mind therefore if you want to know what you love most ask yourself what do I think about most because you cannot help but think about what you love it's a natural consequence of love you can't help it right.
So when someone for example is in love all they can think about is the person that they're in love with and by extension all they can talk about is the person that they're in love with and their friends just want them to be quiet right it's like enough already because it becomes a consuming type of obsession when you love you want to talk about what you love you remember what you love it is a natural consequence of love does everyone agree with the example of another human being you see this very clearly and the person can't stop talking about the one they're in love with they can't stop thinking about them they stay up at night because they can't stop thinking about them.
So my question to you is if you want to know what you love most or what fills your heart most ask yourself that simple question what do I think about most throughout my day first thing on my mind in the morning when I wake up first thing last thing on my mind before I sleep the thing that I cannot stop thinking about even in my prayers ok what is that thing does everyone have some sort of answer yes or do you guys just not think you think right what is it that you're thinking about you know yourself what is it ok.
2. What You Work Hardest to Please
What's another consequence of love natural consequence of love when you love another person that person says jump and you say how high right the point is that when someone is you know totally has totally fallen for another person they become almost almost like at the mercy of that person whatever that person wants they do they will do anything to please that person they will do anything to make them happy they will do anything to be close to that person is this not true is this true so when you feel the more love you feel the more you have the desire to please the one you love right.
So ask yourself this question what is it in my life that I work hardest or who is it in my life that I work hardest to please or what is it in my life that I work the hardest to achieve ok.
3. What You Fear Losing Most
Another indicator of love is fear so ask yourself what you are most afraid of ask yourself what you are most afraid of losing what in your life causes you the greatest anxiety you know this emotion of fear is a very strong indicator of attachment a very strong indicator of love because when you love something so much you are terrified of losing it that's why when you are very attached to your money you might get you know high blood pressure and all these health problems just because of your fear of losing that money right that is fear that comes out of love when you love something you are terrified of losing it.
So the next question you ask yourself what am I most afraid of what am I most afraid of losing for some people the answer to this question has to do with another person you are most afraid of losing a specific person for example or sometimes the answer to this question is I am most afraid of losing status I am most afraid of what people think of me I am most afraid that people will think this about me but ask yourself what is it that occupies your mind and makes you afraid ask yourself what causes you the most pain in your life what makes you cry what makes you so extremely angry anger pain fear these are all pointers to attachments.
Finding Patterns in Our Attachments
So far we've asked about 5 questions or so do you guys have an answer to these questions for your own self right yes do you find that the answer to all of these questions is related to the very same thing is that the case for anybody yes typically it is related to something within the same kind of category or related to the same thing the reason is that that thing is your attachment it's something that is so important to you it takes a very very large part in your heart and that's why it's occupying your mind and that's why it's causing you fear and that's why it's causing you sadness and that's why it's causing all these things.
Now I'm going to ask you a question what do you think should be what we think about most what do you think should be what we're most afraid of what do you think should be what we think about in our prayers what should be the first thing on our mind when we wake up the last thing on our mind before
we sleep the thing we're most afraid of losing and what we want to please most do you guys understand what I'm saying here.
The Proper Focus: Allah
That when a person's love for Allah is the greatest when your ultimate attachment and your ultimate love and your strongest love is for Allah then you will find that it is Allah that you think about most and this is when Allah describes people, the believers in the Quran or when Allah advises us in the Quran with ذكر what's ذكر ذكر is remembrance, he advises us to remember him but he doesn't just say remember me, he says remember a lot a lot and this is a natural consequence of love.
You don't force yourself to remember someone that you're in love with wouldn't that be funny if Ahmed had to put a an alert in his phone ok 12 o'clock, you need to think about Sara now like a reminder to think about her like that's funny right because that's not the way it works when you love someone, you do not need to be reminded to remember the one you love, it's automatic.
So then we have to ask why do we have to be reminded to remember Allah like we can go through our entire day and forget that we didn't pray wait a minute I totally forgot to pray ظهر totally forgot about عصر that's not the way that's not the way love works do you understand my point because it would be a problem if Ahmed had to put an alert to remind him to remember Sara it would probably be an indication that he's not too excited about that marriage like oh man I just remember I have a wife and I need to remember her now that wouldn't be a good sign, we all agree right, but that's how our relationship is with God it's like we have this concept of God but it isn't in here and therefore it isn't here.
The Consequences of Misplaced Love
Let me give you another example when you love someone whatever fills your heart you become a master to it, you become a slave to it it becomes your master now this is where I'm going to talk about the consequences of having something other than Allah in the heart filling the heart so there isn't space there isn't space when money fills the heart you know what happens you will do anything for the sake of money that's the world we live in when you look at the horrific things that people do to other people bombing entire countries, right, killing stealing what is that about? it's just about money, honestly what's oil? what's oil? it's just money but we do these things because of money and therefore we are willing to do anything it takes for whatever I love most.
If there's something you want to remember it is this be very very careful what you love most because you become a slave to it you become a slave to it, it commands you you hear and you obey if it's another person you will do anything to please them.
Examples in Daily Life
Why do we get in a situation for example where it's so difficult to do things that Allah has commanded us to do when Allah commands us to dress in a certain way but it becomes so difficult for us to do it what is it that's keeping us from doing it what is it that's keeping us from hearing and obeying it's because we love something else that we're hearing and obeying and it may just be fashion and it may just be society's standard of beauty it may just be what people think what other people think of me people are going to think this of me or people are going to think that of me and because that is what I'm most concerned about I choose that.
But when I have a business and I have to make a decision we're always faced with choices always and I have to make a decision I have to for example if I have a restaurant there's the choice, do I sell alcohol to make more money? Interest (رِبا - riba) but we make these choices based on what we love most so if it is money that's why we choose that but if I sell alcohol I'll make more money if I get these huge interest bearing loans I'll make more money when what I love most is the size of my house and what people think of me and the fact that people look at me and say wow look at what she's driving or look at what he's driving look at his house, look at his clothes if that's what I love most and that's what's most important to me then it's no problem for me to get a huge interest bearing loan on a house it's no problem for me to finance a car because what's most important to me is what people think or the fact that I look good in this particular car and we put aside the fact that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has forbidden these things.
We become slaves to what we love most so that's why we have to be very careful what we love most if what we love more than anything else if what we love more than what society thinks what money comes or what money goes if what we love more than any of these other things is Allah then when Allah says (سَمِعْنَا وَأَطَعْنَا - sami'na wa ata'na) - we hear and we obey when Allah says that you're supposed to dress in a certain way we hear and we obey and we do it out of love when Allah says to do a certain thing when Allah says that at (فَجْر - fajr) time you get up and you pray we hear and we obey.
The Illustration of Worldly Priorities
Because let me give you guys an example if I told you that at exactly 5 am there would be a check outside of your doorstep for 5 million dollars 5 am and all you have to do is set your alarm go inside would you set your alarm? is there anyone in this room who would say I love sleep more is there anyone in this room who would say that my bed is too comfortable forget the 5 million dollars raise your hand if you would do that and if you raise your hand I know you're not telling the truth ok you know you would do that.
Something to reflect on is that we will set our alarm and we will get up any time of the night no matter how little sleep you got no matter how comfortable your bed is you will get up just to go get that money now that's 5 million dollars because that's a lot of money right do you know that that is nothing compared to infinity right we all know that you don't need to be like a math major to know that because it's a finite amount of money it's a finite reward you cannot compare a finite reward to an infinite reward
because when you compare something finite to something infinite no matter how big it is it tends towards zero it's essentially nothing.
So now we're talking about things that we would do we would do it for way less if I told you 10 bucks were gonna be outside your door you know what I'm saying you're like oh who cares all you gotta do is get out of bed easy money right you would do it, you would do it for 2 dollars I mean we would admit it I'll give you proof, I will give you proof you want me to give you proof ok I'm gonna give you proof Black Friday right totally we do that, I mean this isn't just theoretical people do they not they will wake up at the crack of dawn after thanksgiving sales wake up at the crack of dawn and stand outside of best buy and stand outside of walmart or wherever it is and sometimes literally stand in lines for hours in the cold to save a few dollars right I mean really to save a few dollars, so we're not talking 5 billion we're talking like 5 dollars, sometimes like even if it's 50 dollars, so forget 5 million the most what are you gonna save, but this is what we do something to look at, this is just because of money.
But we won't get up at that same time of the night or that same time to pray (قِيَام - qiyam) or to pray even (فَجْر - fajr) we'll sleep through (فَجْر - fajr) but if it comes to a sale we'll get up sometimes people camp outside, do you guys know what people do for these sales have you guys seen or read in the news about the way we act this one time this lady I guess she had like mace and she was like spraying people at walmart because she wanted the video games I mean really, it's just a few dollars but that's the point, this is how we act when we love something, when we love this is how we act, human beings will act absolutely insane when they love, and when the love is for money and when the love is for getting a good deal, we'll do anything.
But if that is for something so much greater, we don't even want to make a tiny effort of getting up and praying (فَجْر - fajr) we will not step out of our class to go pray we won't step out of a meeting, we won't step out of the macy's sale we won't step away from a movie or a basketball game to go pray.
The Bathroom Analogy
But let me ask you this question when you guys are in class or you're at work or you're in a meeting and you need to use the bathroom what do you do? I mean this is a rhetorical question but I know the answer the answer is I don't care what situation I'm in, if I need to use the bathroom I go, I leave, and I use the bathroom nobody says but I'm in class so I can't leave why? why don't we do that? why do we say I'm not gonna get up and go to the bathroom during my class? why do we why do we not say that?
The reason is that the consequences of not getting up and leaving the classroom far outweigh any consequences of the embarrassment of walking out of class right? agreed? when it's 5 o'clock in the morning and you need to use the bathroom has anyone said you know I'm just too comfortable I'm just gonna take care of my business here because I'm just too comfortable yeah you did that when you were like 5 but since then hopefully you didn't do that so you will get up and I will get up at 5 o'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom but we won't get up to pray.
So so far this is our human condition we will get up to use the bathroom we will get up to go stand in line for a sale but we won't get up to pray to the lord of the universe who has our entire has the entire universe in his control we're not talking now about 5 million dollars we're not talking about any amount any finite amount of reward we're talking about forever we're talking about the reward of god we're talking about (جَنَّة - jannah).
So we have to go back and re-examine our priorities if we can leave our classroom if we can leave our meeting if we can leave these other things that we're doing in life to go to the bathroom can we not leave to pray we are so worried about being embarrassed in front of people isn't that why we get up isn't that the reason why you don't wanna just stay in class and take care of your business in your seat is because you're afraid of being humiliated in front of the people but we're not worried about being humiliated in front of Allah by missing our prayers isn't this the reality isn't this the reality.
The reason for this is because we have taken the (دُّنْيَا - dunya) we've taken everything that we can see and feel and touch we've taken this life and we've injected it into our hearts and we love it so much that we love it more than Allah subhana wa ta'ala we don't see Allah so we run after what we can see we have to shift that focus because (دُّنْيَا - dunya) is something that is by its very nature temporary by its very nature an illusion everything we run after in this life does any of it last.
The Temporary Nature of Dunya
Tell me the answer to the questions that i asked you at the beginning remember i asked five questions or so now the answer that you had to those questions do you remember what it was yes nod if you do ok that thing the answer is that thing gonna last is that thing gonna last forever is that thing perfect so this is our problem we try to fill the emptiness with something that is not lasting and something that is not perfect and then we wonder why we end up with broken hearts we end up disappointed we end up so upset so afraid so insecure its clear why that happens because the thing that we are loving most is something that is not lasting something something that is not perfect.
Its like a person who is rock climbing and they are holding on to a twig what happens you don't have to be a physics major to know what happens what happens the twig if you hold on to a twig with all of your weight what happens to the twig it breaks then what happens to you there is something called gravity what happens to you you fall and we wonder why we end up falling and we keep falling and things keep breaking its because we are holding on to the wrong stuff we are loving the wrong stuff and we are neglecting the real thing.
Finding Balance with Halal Love
How do we find a balance and that's (إِنْ شَاءَ ٱللَّٰهُ - in sha'a Allah) where we end how do we find a balance because we live in (دُّنْيَا - dunya) and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala never told us that we should not love the creation Allah did not say that you cannot love your children, your spouse, your money you know these nice (حَلَال - halal) things that you
have its ok to love those things how do we find a balance where those things are loved but they do not own us how do we find a balance so that our greatest love أَشَدُّ حُبًّا لِّلَّهِ you know in another ayah.
Say, if your fathers, your sons, your spouses... now here in this ayah Allah lists about 8 things and by the way all of these things are (حَلَال - halal) all of them all of them are (حَلَال - halal) is it (حَلَال - halal) to love your parents is it (حَلَال - halal) to love your children is it (حَلَال - halal) to love your spouse is it (حَلَال - halal) to love your relatives is it (حَلَال - halal) to love your (حَلَال - halal) business or your home however Allah warns us of something in this ayah, he says that if any of these things are more beloved to you then Allah and his messenger and striving in his cause then wait until Allah brings about his decision and Allah does not guide the defiantly disobedient ones.
Now there is a message in this ayah that a lot of us don't realize and that is that the things that distract us from God are not always necessarily the (حَرَام - haram) things the clubbing the drinking, the drugs, the alcohol no sometimes they are the (حَلَال - halal) things sometimes they are the (حَلَال - halal) things that we take and we love as we should only love Allah and that's the secret that a lot of us didn't learn we don't realize what's the problem, I'm a mother I love my children, so what's the problem with that the problem with that is that when I love my children and they overtake and they become my center instead of Allah, that's a problem even though of course it's (حَلَال - halal) to love my children my spouse, when I take my spouse it's not a boyfriend, it's not a girlfriend I'm married, right you take your spouse and you put them at the center of your existence and your life starts to revolve around them and what you think about most is them, and what you want to please most is them, and what you fear most is them and all of a sudden where is Allah in the equation that's the problem and this will happen with (حَلَال - halal) money, this will happen with your spouse this will happen with your children, with your parents with your business, with your house, which you delight in the ayah says but when those things you start to focus on and revolve your life around, that's when you have a problem even though they're all (حَلَال - halal).
The Concept of Heart vs Hand
The question remains how do we find a balance, because it's natural for a mother to love her children it's natural for a spouse to love their spouse it's natural to love these things now the question is how and this is where I want to bring in a concept which is mentioned in the book it's a concept of what we hold in our heart and what we hold in our hand and there's a difference between holding something in the hand and holding something in the heart, this is conceptual but what it's talking about is this, whatever we hold in our heart is a is a serious attachment, it's something I'm dependent on, what I hold in my heart is the thing I revolve my life around it's the first thing on my mind when I wake up, the last thing on my mind before I sleep, what I think about all day, what I'm most afraid of, what I'm most interested in pleasing it
becomes the center of my world it's the answer to those five questions that I gave you, that's what's in my heart and that thing will become my master.
You know that this is actually the reason why you know this whole what do you want to call it mother-in- law phenomenon of right, you hear the word mother-in-law and all of a sudden there's this automatic connotation right, of someone who doesn't want to let go of her son, right why do you think that happens think about it, why do you think that happens and I'm not talking about a mother loving her son, I'm talking about the unhealthy attachment of a mother to her son to such an extent that when he gets married she is not able to let go to such an extent that it creates problems between the husband and the wife, to such an extent that the son has to choose between his wife and his mother, that should never happen to such an extent that he has to constantly tell his mother that I love you more than my wife that's not healthy why do you think that happens do you know why that happens, that happens because the mother took that child and for his entire life he was at her center he was at her center she may have believed in Allah but he was at her center, her child was at her center.
Now if you take your child, your son in this case and you did (طَوَاف - tawaf) around him your entire life you guys know what I'm talking about, like he didn't have to do anything for himself you did everything for him you fed him to his mouth so he's like 20 something, right you do everything for him, he never lifts a finger because your life revolves around him, first of all you're harming your child when you're treating them in that way that's not love by the way that's not love, that's that's insecure attachment that's dependency and it's not healthy Allah is supposed to be at the center not your child, not your spouse.
So what happens then when he grows up and he gets married you have an unhealthy consequence and it's because an unhealthy attachment brings about unhealthy consequences in our personal lives, in our collective lives and in the society and this is just one example this is the reason why someone who when they lose stock or the stock market crashes they take a pistol to the head, why does that happen why does that unhealthy consequence happen it's because that person took their stocks, took their money and put it at the center of their life and revolved around it why does Romeo want to kill himself or Juliet want to kill herself when they don't have the other person or they think the other person is gone it's because Romeo took Juliet and put her at the center and Juliet took Romeo and put him at the center, that's not love, that's worship that's not love that's worship and that's what we have to understand that proper love that healthy love is never to take something other than Allah and put it at your center it's to love in a healthy way and to love in a healthy way means that you love without attachment and without dependency.
The Training of Pain
By the way this is very difficult this is very difficult sometimes and this is something that Allah sometimes trains us to do you know one of the ways in which Allah trains us to do this is actually through the concept of pain think about a person who is standing in the kitchen and you accidentally touch the stove
with your arm, but you don't see it right, it's the back of your arm and you touch the stove what makes you move your hand it's the pain right so what has Allah designed the pain to do for you the pain is an indicator that you need to make a change so in this case the pain of being burnt is an indicator that you need to move your arm right.
Do you know that emotional pain is very similar when you take your child, when you take your money when you take anything else and you put it in the heart in a place that only God should be, guess what happens it hurts you and that very thing that you took and you replaced Allah with that thing will become the source of your greatest pain Allah has done that, Allah has given us this mechanism as a mercy to tell you that you need to make a change there's a problem you know when you have those very painful relationships very painful relationships and it keeps hurting you and it keeps hurting you until what happens you make a change and that's the point that it will hurt you because it's not healthy the pain the anxiety are all signs that there needs to be a change made inside, in your attachment.
So Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala directs us one of the easiest ways to break our false attachments is to find something better to love I'm going to use this example it's an example I use in the book as well because I think it illustrates this concept, if you think about a child and you know when a child falls in love with a toy I mean they just become consumed so imagine a child who falls in love with a toy car he's walking by the toy store and sees a toy car in the window now that child if he gets his hands on that toy car good luck taking it away he will not want to do anything else, just play with the car maybe to the point that he doesn't want to eat sleep go to school, I just want to play with this toy.
But my question to you is what happens when that child grows up and now sees a real car what happens to his attachment to the toy car what happens? not a big deal anymore that's just a toy I see the real Ferrari now what does this have to do with us there is a toy there is a lesser model and there is the real thing the lesser life is this life think of this life as that toy car in every way it is inferior to (جَنَّة - jannah) in every way it is inferior in quality because this life no matter how much money you have, no matter how much status you have, no matter how much approval you have, it will never be perfect, will it? no matter how beautiful you are, what happens after 50 years it will never be perfect this life is inferior to (جَنَّة - jannah) in quantity no matter how much you have it will not last forever all those people that are on the magazine covers they might have more money than you they might have more fame than you but they're gonna die too and they don't look like that forever you can do all the plastic surgery in the world but you just can't look like that forever right? and that's very hard for some people to accept because they're so attached to this life but we have something better (جَنَّة - jannah) is the real thing right? you have the toy car and you have the real car.
Now what I'm suggesting to you is the more that you can see the real thing, the less your attachment will be to the false model so when you compare (جَنَّة - jannah) to (دُنْيَا - dunya) there's no comparison and when you compare Allah when you compare the creator to the creation there is no comparison the more you can see the real thing, the weaker your attachment becomes to the false model does that make sense?
Practical Advice for Spiritual Growth
So my advice to you and to myself is the advice of Allah and his messenger increase in your (ذِكْر - dhikr) increase in your remembrance of the real thing and when you increase in your remembrance of the real thing, then the false lesser model it takes its proper place it's no longer the center it's just the toy meaning that it is what it is yes you interact with it but it is not your ultimate goal anymore you're no longer in love with it it goes in the hand no longer in the heart it goes in the hand yes you interact but you know that there's something so much better and it is only when you don't see the real car that you're so in love with the toy car that kid is so attached to his toy only because he never saw the real thing.
And we become so attached to the creation only because we don't know the creator we only know of Allah conceptually like yeah Allah exists but do you really know Allah? do you really have that relationship and see Allah working in your life? probably not and the more that you do the more that it becomes easy to refocus the heart because you have fallen in love with something better you know how they say if you want to get over someone you just find someone better to replace them right? if we want to get over our love for this life we need to fall in love with something better and Allah has given us something so much better Allah has given us himself but we just don't know Allah, we don't remember Allah, we don't think about Allah, we don't talk to Allah even if we're praying we're thinking about the toy car aren't we?
Remember I asked you what you think about in your prayers maybe it's your exam or somebody in your life or whatever it is it's still that toy car, we have not seen the real thing yet and the way to do that is we have to increase in your remembrance of the real thing that means (ذِكْر - dhikr) reading the Quran and reflecting on it making sure that you are praying five times a day on time making (دُعَاء - du'a) speaking to Allah.
If you have a best friend and you never communicate how strong is your relationship going to be? you know you're always talking to your best friend by some technical device or another right? text, facebook phone, whatever but you're constantly communicating at least if you're a girl you're communicating with those people and that's how you build that strong relationship what if during that communication you're speaking in a language you don't understand does anyone in this room speak chinese? so no one in this room speaks chinese ok cool, what if every conversation you have with your best friend is in chinese and you have no idea what you're saying how strong is your relationship going to be?
Now when you're praying and you're talking to god and you have absolutely no idea what you're saying how strong is that relationship going to be? does that make sense? simple enough we don't know what we're saying to him so how can we expect to build that relationship we need to understand at least the basics of our prayer of what we're saying.
Finally I'll tell you that the more you remember god outside of your prayers the easier it will be to remember god inside of your prayers so we have to work on remembering god more, just in general and the more we remember Allah, the more we are feeding the heart think of (ذِكْر - dhikr) the remembrance of god
as air, air that you breathe but it's air that your heart is breathing and it keeps the heart alive and the moment you cut off air what happens to the body? it suffocates and it dies and the same thing happens to the heart when the heart is not filled with the remembrance of god then you're suffocating the heart and that's why the heart becomes hardened and eventually it dies.
Overcoming Spiritual Inconsistency
You know sometimes I think sometimes what keeps us from being consistent in our relationship with god is that we sometimes fall and we feel hopeless we mess up we feel like you know what it's just too hard, I'm too far away there's no point but the way we have to think about it is this our prayers, you know sometimes people don't pray because they feel like well I'm just really low right now I'm not in a good place when I get to a good place I'll pray again do you know what that person is like? it's like a person who says I'm not feeling very good today so I'm not going to breathe today because I'm not feeling good and when I feel better I'll breathe maybe tomorrow maybe next week what's the problem with this scenario? what's the problem with this scenario? you're not going to feel better if you don't breathe in fact you're going to die.
You have to think of your prayers in exactly the same way they are the air of your heart and even if you're not feeling good or you're feeling really low, you still need to breathe just think of it like that, I'm going to go take a breath right now I'm going to go pray I'm going to go take a breath right now and eventually if you keep breathing or keep praying you eventually will feel better remember this life isn't linear.
والله أعلم