The Importance of Family Ties in Islam
By Yasir Qadhi | 2026-01-08T15:38:39.985282+00:00 | Topic: Relationships
The Importance of Family Ties in Islam - Khutba by Shaykh Dr. Yasir Qadhi
Opening Praise and Testimony
إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ نَحْمَدُهُ وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرْهُ وَنَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللَّهُ فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْهُ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ
O you who have believed, fear Allah as He should be feared and do not die except as Muslims [in submission to Him].
O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allah is ever, over you, an Observer.
Amma ba'd.
The Significance of the Opening Verse
We always begin our khutbah with this ayah from Surat An-Nisa, and it is something that is from the sunnah of our Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم that he would typically begin his sermons with this khutbat al-hajah that is called, and included in it is the first verse of Surat An-Nisa. This verse goes as follows: "O you who believe, fear Allah as He should be feared" and "O people, fear your Lord who created you from a single soul and from that soul created its mate." And (وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ الَّذِي تَسَاءَلُونَنِ بِهِ وَالْأَرْحَامَ) - "Fear Allah in whose name you ask each other for what you want and also have taqwa of Al-Arham."
Understanding the Term "Arham"
This ayah has caused our scholars to try to interpret: what does it mean that Allah is saying "fear the arham"? What does it mean to have taqwa of arham? And what is arham?
Arham is the plural of rahim, and rahim translates as quite literally the womb - you call the womb of a woman rahim. But of course there is a deeper connotation, and that is the connotation of family. The Arabic word for family and for kinship is arham from the word for womb, because obviously all members of a family go back to one person or one couple. Every tribe, every group of cousins and second cousins and third cousins - eventually they all go back to one womb. So the concept of family in Arabic comes from the word womb - arham.
Two Interpretations of the Verse
Our scholars have said this verse can be understood in one of two ways:
First interpretation: Allah is saying have taqwa of Allah in whose name you ask people to give you things. You say "I ask you by Allah, help me. By Allah, I ask you to help me." And in the name of the family you ask people to help you. So you will go to your brother, your cousin, and say "for the sake of family, we are brothers, we are cousins, I need your help." So Allah is reminding that the family unit takes care of each other.
Second interpretation: Be conscious of the rights of Allah and be conscious of the rights of the family. Have taqwa of Allah and have taqwa of the rights of the family.
Both of these interpretations are valid in the Quran, and what they imply is that the family has a high privilege second to Allah.
Family Rights in the Quran
We all know in the Quran that Allah puts the rights of the parents after Allah - this is true. But the reality is that the rights of the family come after the rights of Allah, and within the family, the parents have the most right. So in the Quran you will find verses where it's Allah and then the parents, but you will also find verses where it's Allah and then the family. There's no contradiction because who deserves the most amongst the family? It is the parents.
For example, in Surah Al-Baqarah, Allah says:
"Remember when Allah took the covenant with the children of Israel" - what was this covenant? That they worship Allah and be good to their parents وَذِي الْقُرْبَى - and their family - وَالْيَتَامَى - and the orphans - وَالْمَسَاكِينِ - and the poor.
In Surah An-Nisa, the exact same thing:
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are self-deluding and boastful.
Notice Allah mentions family before even mentioning orphans. Allah mentions family before even mentioning the fuqara and masakin. Worship Allah, be good to parents, and fulfill the ties of the family, and be good to the orphans. So notice where does family come? After Allah and the parents comes the family.
Early Islamic Teachings on Family Ties
We learn from the seerah of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم that in reality this is of the very earliest commandments. Amr ibn Abasah came from Yemen to Makkah and he was searching for the truth. This is before the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم began preaching publicly, and he heard that there's somebody in Makkah who is not public in his message, that he's preaching a separate message.
So Amr ibn Abasah found out who the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was and went up to him and said, "What are you?" So the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said "(أَنَا نَبِيُّ - I am a nabi)." So he said, "(وَمَا نَبِيٌّ - What is a nabi?)" He had never heard of a nabi. So the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, "(أَرْسَلَنِي الله - Allah has sent me)."
And Amr ibn Abasah said, "What has Allah sent you with?" So the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, "Allah has sent me with: number one, that we worship Him alone and we destroy idols, and number two, that we fulfill the ties of kinship with birr and ihsan."
This was the only commandment at this point in time. There's no other commandment. There is no salah and zakah, there is no hajj. What has Allah sent me with? Number one, that He be worshipped alone and no idols, and number two, that we be good to silat al-arham - that we be good with those of our kinship and our ties of relationship.
Examples from the Seerah
If you see how clear this understanding was, when you look at other incidents of the seerah:
When the Muslims migrated to Abyssinia and the Negus called Ja'far ibn Abi Talib and said, "What is your message? What has the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم told you?" Once again we find the same response: "He has sent us to worship one God and to avoid false gods and to be good to our family and to speak the truth."
In front of the Emperor of Rome, when he heard of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and called Abu Sufyan and said, "What does he teach you? What is the Prophet's message?" Abu Sufyan at the time was not even a Muslim, but he knew what the message of Islam was. He said, "He is teaching us to worship one God and to be good to our family."
Look at how the message of Islam was perceived by the early converts and even by the early rejecters. Both Ja'far and Abu Sufyan - Ja'far is the early convert, Abu Sufyan at the time is an enemy - both of them summarized Islam with the same response: worship one God and be good to the silat al-arham.
The Strength of Family Ties
Silat al-arham means to be good to the entire family - not just parents, but siblings, cousins, uncles and aunts and the extended relatives. In fact, the concept of fulfilling the ties of kinship is so strong that Allah commands the early Muslims to guard the relatives more than to guard the relationship with the muhajirun and ansar, which is the highest status of the sahaba.
Allah explicitly says that the family ties are even stronger than the ties of the muhajirun and the ansar. Imagine that! The family unit and the family ties are stronger than the love we should feel for the muhajirun and the ansar.
Allah mentions this in multiple verses in the Quran, of them in Surat Al-Ahzab:
The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is closer to the believers than their own selves, and his wives are their mothers. And those of [blood] relationship are more entitled [to inheritance] in the decree of Allah than the [other] believers and the emigrants, except that you do good to your close allies. That was [already] written in the Book.
"The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is closer to the believers - he cares more about the believers than they care about themselves. In other words, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم cares more about you than you care about yourself. And his wives are their mothers وَأُولُو الْأَرْحَامِ بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلَى بِبَعْضٍ - family members have to have stronger ties with one another than even the mu'mineen and the muhajireen should have ties with them."
The context of the verse is primarily about inheritance, but the wording is very clear: the family unit is supposed to have very strong ties.
The Connection Between Family and Divine Mercy
I already mentioned that in Arabic the word for family comes from the word for womb - arham. But all of you also know that when you hear the word rahim, another thing comes to mind, and that is the concept of mercy - rahma, Ar-Rahman. It is from the same root, and this is not a coincidence.
In a hadith in Sahih Al-Bukhari (Bukhari hadith 5988), our Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: "When Allah created the creation and He finished creating the creation, ar-rahim stood up." Now how could the womb stand up? How could the family stand up? This is from ilm al-ghaib - we do not know. The family, the concept of family stood up. Ar-rahim stood up, and here we translate ar-rahim as the concept of family.
Family stood up and family said to Allah, "This is the time now to seek refuge in You and to get the status that I deserve. What is the status I have?"
So when Allah created the creation, everything has been created, family stands up - however we don't understand how - and family, the concept, asks Allah: "Now that I've been created, I want to know my maqam. What is my maqam in Your eyes?"
And Allah said, "(أَمَا تَرْضَيْنَ أَنْ أَصِلَ مَنْ وَصَلَكِ وَأَقْطَعَ مَنْ قَطَعَكِ - Aren't you content that I shall associate with those who associate with you? Whoever associates with one's family, I shall associate with them, and whoever breaks away from their family, I shall break away from that person)."
"Aren't you happy, aren't you content that I shall be associating with those who associate with you? Whoever fulfills the ties of family, I shall be with that person, and whoever breaks off the ties of family, I shall break off from that person."
This hadith is in Sahih Bukhari and in Sahih Muslim - the most authentic book of hadith. What a powerful hadith and what a dangerous warning to those who cut off the ties of the family!
The Divine Names and Family Connection
In a similar version, slightly different, in Sunan At-Tirmidhi (Tirmidhi hadith 1907), the hadith goes as follows: Allah says - so the Prophet says that Allah says - "(أَنَا الرَّحْمَنُ وَأَنَا اللهُ خَلَقْتُ الرَّحِم - I am Ar-Rahman and I am Allah, and I created the rahim, شَقَقْتْ لَهَا اسْمًا مِنْ اسْمِي - and I derived My name from the rahim)."
So from the concept of family, Allah is saying I derive My name Ar-Rahman. In other words, the name Ar-Rahman and the concept of family are linked together - not just linguistically, but intentionally by Allah. The word for family and the most powerful name of Allah after Allah is the name Ar-Rahman.
And Allah says, "My name is Ar-Rahman, and from Ar-Rahman I created ar-rahim, and from ar-rahim I extracted My name." In other words, the two are linked together. Family and Ar-Rahman are linked together.
And that is why in the same hadith, Allah says: "Whoever connects with ar-rahim has connected with Me, Ar-Rahman, and whoever cuts off from ar-rahim has cut off from Me, Ar-Rahman."
So if you want the rahma from Ar-Rahman, you have to be connected to the rahim. And if you don't want the rahma from Ar-Rahman, then cut off from the rahim. This is what the hadith is saying: if you want Allah's rahma, you have to be connected to the rahim - silat al-arham, the concept of connecting with your kinship.
The Curse Upon Those Who Cut Family Ties
Cutting off from one's family is one of the very few acts in the Quran that brings about Allah's la'nah. Allah's la'nah is the most severe punishment. It is worse than Allah's azab. Not everybody who suffers azab is under Allah's la'nah. Hear me carefully: not everybody who suffers azab is under Allah's la'nah, because there will be many who will undergo azab but then be forgiven after that. There will be many who will be punished in Jahannam - and that is Allah's azab - but then they will be forgiven and they will enter Jannah.
But there is a category that is worse than Allah's azab, and that is Allah's la'nah. Allah's la'nah is the ultimate punishment. The Quran mentions around a dozen or so categories, and one of them one of the categories upon whom Allah's la'nah is given - is the one who cuts off the rahim.
Allah says in the Quran:
Those who break the covenant of Allah after having agreed to it - these are major sins - and those who cut the ties that Allah has commanded them to fulfill (وَيَقْطَعُونَ مَا أَمَرَ اللَّهُ بِهِ أَن يُوصَلَ) - and this is the family. So the one who cuts off the ties of the family, and the one who spreads fasaad in the world - he spreads evil in the world, genocide and evil in the world - these are the people Allah says (أُولَئِكَ لَهُمُ اللَّعْنَةُ) - "they have Allah's la'nah and they shall have the worst abode in the hereafter."
So of the people whom Allah has cursed in the Quran is the one who cuts off from the family.
What Does Silat Al-Arham Mean?
The question arises: what does it mean to fulfill the ties of kinship? What does (صِلَةُ الأَرْحَامِ) mean? The Quranic term and the hadith term is (صِلَةُ الأَرْحَامِ)
By the way, I gave a khutbah here recently about the very first khutbah that our Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) gave when he entered Medina. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: "O people, spread the salam and feed the hungry (وَصِلُّوا الأَرْحَامَ) - and be connected to your relatives - and pray when everybody is asleep, you shall enter Jannah in salam."
Notice of the earliest commandments even in Medina: (وَصِلُّوا الأَرْحَامَ - صِلَةُ الرَّحِمِ). What does (صِلَةٌ) mean? صلة means to connect and الرَّحِم as we said means the family. So (صِلَةُ الأَرْحَامِ) means to remain connected with your extended family in a manner that is acceptable and according to the culture of one's time.
What this means is:
- You are in touch with your family
- You are showing them love
- You are showing them kindness
- You are showing them concern
- You are aware of what's going on
One of our scholars of the past said that giving salam to your relatives is of the acts of (صِلَةُ الرَّحِم) - simply giving salam. And of course in those days there was no phone - giving salam means you had to visit them. So visiting your relatives is of the highest acts of (صِلَةُ الأَرْحَامِ). Simply going out of your way to visit your relatives is an act of (صلة الرَّحِمِ)
And of course in our times, we have alhamdulillah the phones and the WhatsApp and the messages and Facebook. Being connected with one's relatives is a sign of iman, and it is a part and parcel of what all of
us are commanded to do.
The Levels of Family Connection
The question also arises: to what level is (صِلَةُ الأَرْحَامِ) necessary and mandatory? The response comes that the shariah did not come with a specific code and guidelines. The shariah came with general rules, and this varies from culture to culture and time to time and place to place.
Obviously our connections to our brothers and sisters - our blood brothers and sisters - should be much stronger than our connection with our first cousins. And our connection with our first cousins is stronger than our connection with our second cousins. It is human nature that after a while you lose track of your third and fourth cousins - this is all something that is understandable.
But definitely our actual siblings - brothers and sisters - they have the most right over us after our parents and their children and our first cousins. Generally every one of us is aware of our first cousins. We know all of our first cousins, no matter how many we have. Generally we are aware of them. There should be contact, there should be the occasional phone call, there should be the invitation over to happy occasions - which is what culturally is accepted and the norm.
Many of us are aware of a good quantity of second cousins as well, and again the second cousin is not like the first cousin. But the point is that as the strength of the relationship is stronger, so too the silat al- rahim should be stronger as well.
Financial Support for Family
Of the greatest acts of silat al-rahim is to take care financially of our family and extended family - those that are in need. If you have anyone in your extended family - your cousins, your second cousins, your third cousins - if you have anybody who is deserving of charity, then find them and give them money over anybody else.
(Nasa'i hadith 2582)
In a hadith, our Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: "Giving to the poor is sadaqah, but giving to the relatives is both sadaqah and silat al-rahim." (Reported in An-Nasa'i - Nasa'i hadith 2582)
Giving to the poor is sadaqah - that's good, give to the poor. But giving to ulu'l-qurba - the family - this is both sadaqah and being good to your family.
Allah mentions in the Quran - and with this verse we always conclude the khutbah - what is the last verse everybody says around the world?
(إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ وَالْإِحْسَانِ وَإِيتَاءِ ذِي الْقُرْبَى) (Quran 16:90)
What's number three (وَإِيتَاءِ ذِي الْقُرْبَى) - giving money to the relatives. Allah is commanding you to give money to your relatives who need money.
So especially when it comes to sadaqah, even when it comes to zakah - and you don't have to tell your cousin, your second cousin you're giving zakah - and it is not just permissible, it is mustahab to give your extended family your zakah and your sadaqah.
You cannot give zakah to your mother and father, but you can give zakah to your siblings and your cousins and your aunts and uncles. The general rule is you can give zakah to them, but not to your mother and father and not to your son and daughter. But other than this, yes, you may give zakah. And of course you can give sadaqah to everyone.
So silat al-arham means:
- To show love
- To show kindness
- To show compassion
- To be in touch with them
- To invite them for one's occasions
- To visit them whenever possible
- To help them financially
The Extent of Family Relationships
How far back does rahim go? Well, there is no limit. In the end of the day, every one of us is connected with everybody else. I want everybody to let that point sink in. Even though we know it, every person you meet in this whole world even your worst enemy and your best friend and your acquaintance and your colleague - at some point in time, the two of you shared the same womb.
At some point in time, there was one person in the womb of a mother, and both of you are linked to that person. At some point in time, every one of us is linked to one another. So there is no technical term that after the third cousin it is cut off.
In fact, in a very powerful hadith, our Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) predicted to the Muslims: "إِنَّكُمْ سَتَفْتَحُونَ مِصْرَ - You are going to conquer Misr, you are going to conquer Egypt." This conquering took place ten years after the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) died, but he predicted it.
The hadith goes on until he said: "When you conquer it فَأَحْسِنُوا إِلَى أَهْلِهَا - be good to the people whom you conquer فَإِنَّ لَهُمْ ذِمَّةٌ وَصِلَّةً - because they have dhimma status, they have protection status, and they have family status with you."
Now what has the Egyptian family status got to do with the Quraishi and the Arab family status?
Hundreds of generations ago, who is the mother of the Quraish? It is Hajar. And where is Hajar from?
Hajar is from Egypt. But this is thousands of years ago - literally we don't even know the number of ancestors. And yet our Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said they are related to you, their blood, they are your blood.
Think about that! The Arab race at the time of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) and the Egyptian race have a different language, different civilization, different religion - everything is different. They don't even look the same, nothing is the same. Thousands of years have gone by from Hajar, but what did our Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) say? Remember, they are in the end of the day your extended family.
So there is no limit when it comes to extended family, but obviously the point being that the closer people are, then the better and the stronger those ties should be.
Practical Advice: Chart Your Family Tree
A practical advice, brothers and sisters - and I speak from my own experience here - it is a very healthy and very interesting and very Islamic project: I advise all of you to chart out your own relatives and your own family background, to chart out your own family tree and to discover who your ancestors were and how you are linked with your extended family.
This is a project that will increase your own appreciation of your heritage and it will bring family together. You will be amazed - you will catch up with a third cousin you never knew existed. As soon as you tell him, "Oh, I am so-and-so the son of so-and-so, the grandson of so-and-so, we are linked like this," all of a sudden barriers are broken, doors are opened up, and you connect with family and you feel a part of family.
I speak from my own experience, having done this for the last 6 or 7 years, and it is a project that has brought me closer together with my extended family. Every one of us should do this.
In fact, this is what the Sahaba advised. Umar ibn Al-Khattab said: "(تَعَلَّمُوا أَنْسَابَكُمْ) - Learn your genealogies, learn your family trees, so that will help you to fulfill the ties of kinship."
Amongst the Arabs at the time of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم)it was considered to be a very noble science to know family history and genealogy. Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (رضي الله عنه) was respected amongst the Muslims and non-Muslims of his time because he knew the genealogy of all the Arabs. You could ask him of any two Arabs and he would be able to connect them, no matter how many generations back it went.
It is amazing that to this day, especially the tribe of Quraish, you know exactly how any two Quraishis are linked together. When you go back to the books of sira, any Qurayshi with another Qurayshi - they have preserved their lineage and their history.
But in our times, of course, all of this is now becoming a lost science. Nonetheless, we should keep it alive. Especially brothers and sisters, we have broken away from our extended families back home and we're starting new families over here in America. Your children don't even know maybe even your first cousins - they have no idea who they are. So it is your responsibility to pass that knowledge down and to keep it preserved. This is of the ways we will come closer to Allah.
Financial Obligations to Family
Brothers and sisters, Allah says in the Quran:
(فَآتِ ذَا الْقُرْبَى حَقَّهُ وَالْمِسْكِينَ وَابْنَ السَّبِيلِ ذَلِكَ خَيْرٌ لِلَّذِينَ يُرِيدُونَ وَجْهَ اللَّهِ وَأُولَئِكَ هُمُ الْمُفْلِحُونَ) (Quran 30:38)
"Give what is due to your family and give the rights due to the miskeen and to the wayfarer. That is the best thing to do if you want the pleasure of Allah, and those are the true winners."
May Allah make us of those winners.
Dealing with Difficult Family Members
الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ الْوَاحِدِ الْأَحَدِ الصَّمَدِ الَّذِي لَمْ يَلِدْ وَلَمْ يُولَدْ وَلَمْ يَكُن لَّهُ كُفُوًا أَحَدٌ وَبَعْدُ أَسْتَغْفِرُ اللهَ الَّذِي لَا إِلهَ إِلَّا هُوَ الْحَيُّ الْقَيُّومُ وَأَتُوبُ إِلَيْهِ
No exception - every family has certain members who are problematic to deal with, and this is the reality of human existence. Sometimes we feel, "Oh, only I have that weird uncle or that harsh cousin or that demeaning aunt." No! Every human being is tested with family members that are problematic to our sanity, our calmness. This is the reality.
(وَجَعَلْنَا بَعْضَكُمْ لِبَعْضٍ فِتْنَةً أَتَصْبِرُونَ) (Quran 25:20)
"We made groups of you to be tests and difficulties to others, to see who amongst you will be patient."
No doubt, brothers and sisters, that in dealing with such difficult family members, our iman will be tested. One of the biggest tests of this life is to deal with difficult family members, because we are battling between our egos and submission to Allah. Really, that's as simple as that. It is our ego: "My uncle said this, I'm not gonna forgive him. My cousin did this at the wedding, I'm never gonna say salam to him again." This is my ego speaking. And we know the commandment of Allah when it comes to family.
It's very difficult to battle one's ego when it comes to family issues, but this is where iman is demonstrated.
Important Caveats
No doubt - caveat here - no doubt if a family member is physically harmful to you, we're not asking anybody to get physical harm. And no doubt some family members are psychologically so traumatic that it will affect your iman, or you feel you will not be able to control your temper. So in those cases, when it's psychological, no doubt you need to act wisely and perhaps not expose yourself to a situation where you will fail.
But even if you decide that there's psychological trauma and you don't wanna be with this family member, then make sure that that is a temporary intention. You are not allowed to boycott for more than three days, and boycotting is avoiding giving salam. In your heart, make it your desire that inshallah "I will heal this over time."
Five Practical Steps for Dealing with Difficult Family Members
Number One: Think long and hard about the source of the problem - and I mean the source of the problem, meaning your ego is what I'm trying to say, not the actual incident that happened. Because always these incidents happen. Remind yourself that the test is not to prove yourself in his or her eyes. The test is to prove yourself in the eyes of Allah. The test is not to come out looking the winner or the loser when it comes to your relative. The test is to come out the winner when it comes to Allah on Judgment Day. Remind yourself of the verses of the Quran of silat al-arham, of the hadith of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) about the concept of family, and ask yourself: "Don't you wanna come out the winner on Judgment Day?"
Number Two: Give any problem some time. Time heals all wounds. Time heals all wounds - this is of the facts of life. No matter how bitter and angry you are with your cousin today, inshallah one year from now it won't be that bad. Two years from now it will be even better. So give it some time.
It is of the greatest ironies of life - for some bizarre reason - that at times of weddings, when everybody should be happy, family strife comes up and perhaps the worst arguments take place. And it is the greatest ironies of life that at the time of death, families are mended together and wounds are healed. This is of the sunan Allah fi khalqihi. But why should we wait for death? And what if the person you are angry with dies? Don't wait for a janaza to heal wounds with members of a family.
Number Three: Make dua to Allah to soften your heart and the family member whom you are having a problem with. Ask yourself this: if you cannot even make dua to Allah to heal the hearts, then you really don't want silat al-arham. Really, it is that simple. If you cannot raise your hands to Allah and say, "Oh Allah, soften my heart and soften his heart so that we become brothers again, cousins again, uncle and nephew again," if you cannot even raise your hands to Allah - and nobody is hearing you, this is in the privacy of your house - and you say, "Oh Allah, cleanse my heart and his of any animosity, any jealousy. Let us be friends as we used to be, let us be friendly as we used to be," if you cannot even make dua to
Allah, then wallahi you do not want silat al-arham. So don't kid yourself and don't fool yourself that somehow he is the worst of the two. Even if he is, what do you lose by raising your hands up to Allah and saying, "Oh Allah, guide him and guide me to be close again"? What do you lose?
Remember what Allah says in the Quran regarding the pagans of Mecca and the Muslims. When they embraced Islam, the pagans of Mecca and the Quraish, when they embraced Islam, what does Allah say? "You could never have imagined that you would be friendly with those people."
"If you spend the entire money in this world, you would not have brought those hearts together, but Allah was the one who brought those hearts together."
So of the names of Allah: (يَا مُؤَلَّفَ الْقُلُوبِ) - "Oh, who brings the hearts together." So make dua to Allah with the name (يَا مُؤَلَّفَ الْقُلُوب) that Allah joins those hearts.
Number Four: Try to begin with a positive gesture. Try to begin with a gift, with something good, and be the better of the two. Remember what our Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said - hadith is in Sahih Bukhari (Bukhari hadith 5991): "The true wasil - the true one who connects with his relatives - is not the one who treats the relative the way the relative treats him. If your relative's kind, you're kind. If your relative's mean, you're mean. No! The true wasil - wasal, silat al-arham - the true connector is not the one who treats the same, but rather the one who connects when the other has broken off."
This hadith is in Sahih Bukhari. The true connector - wasil, the one who does silat al-arham - is not the one who treats the same. No, that's not wasal. But the one who, when your relative cuts off, you try to mend and you try to connect - that is the true silat al-arham.
Number Five: Last but not least, brothers and sisters, if all else fails, then be selfish and do silat al-arham for your own benefit. And this is completely halal and permissible. What do I mean by this? The last hadith we'll mention: our Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, "Whoever wishes that Allah gives him a longer life and that Allah increases his money and rizq, and that Allah saves him from an evil death" - now who amongst us does not want to live longer and live richer and die a peaceful death? Think about that. The three greatest worldly incentives that are possible to imagine - "whoever wishes that Allah gives him a longer life and more money and a good death (فَلْيَصِلْ رَحِمَةُ) - let him be good to his family." (Hadith is authentic in Tirmidhi - Tirmidhi hadith 2017)
The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم), why is he telling us this? Because sometimes all else fails and we just do it because we want more money, we want more rizq, we want more life. And you know what? It's halal. Why is it halal? Because we know that we're doing it for Allah, and Allah will bless us with rizq. In the end of the day, it is linked to Allah, and it is halal.
So if all else fails, be selfish for yourself. In this case, it's halal. You say, "Oh Allah, I'm doing this because I trust You and I trust Your Rasul (صلى الله عليه وسلم). I have iman that if I am the better person and I fulfill the ties of kinship, that You will give me a better life and You will raise my financial status and You will let me die a peaceful death." This is iman, isn't it? Because you're doing it because the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said so. So it's all halal.
Therefore, brothers and sisters, it is permissible to use this as an incentive to connect with those who have cut off from you.
Final Warning
We conclude this khutbah with a stern reminder, brothers and sisters. Our Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said - hadith is in Sahih Bukhari (Bukhari hadith 5984): "The one who breaks off the rahim, the family ties, shall never enter Jannah."
We seek Allah's refuge from being amongst them.