A Look in the Mirror
By Yaser Birjas | 2026-01-13T07:59:02.849652+00:00 | Topic: Iman
A Look in the Mirror
By: Yaser Birjas
Introduction and Opening
How many of you have more than 1,000 friends? Raise your hands if you have more than 1,000 friends. Even though you might say I don't have that many friends, but I'm sure that you have so many imaginary friends.
The Reality of Modern Friendships
We call them social media friends. If you have a social media account, you most likely have so many people following you, looking at what you're posting, listening to what you're saying, watching what you're doing, and you still call them friends. This is the modern day reality of imaginary friends.
I have a seven-year-old girl, mashallah, every time she's by herself, she's very creative. She starts making all these stories, playing with these friends. When she goes to the bathroom, she spends half an hour, 45 minutes in there. Even though she's done, she's standing in front of the mirror, making all these stories, talking with all these people, all these friends, and you just listen from behind the door. She's having fun, and me and my wife will be, alhamdulillah, let her keep doing that, inshallah.
The Human Need for Companionship
When it comes to the subject of friends and friendship, it's an inevitable reality. As human beings, we've been created to be social. When Allah created Adam (عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ - alayhis salam) where was he when he was first created? Where was Adam? Jannah. Is there anything better than being in Jannah? It's the ultimate goal people struggle and strive for when they're in this world, right? To be in Jannah. But even Adam, being in Jannah, wasn't sufficient to be there alone.
So Allah created his companion. As she was called in the Quran, (صاحبة - sahibah) (Quran 4:1). What's the meaning of sahibah? It comes from the word sahib. And what is sahib? Friend. So you need a friend, you need companionship. You would say, well, alhamdulillah, I'm a loner, I'm used to this, I love to be by myself and so on.
The Influence of Friends
You can say whatever you want to say. But having friendship or looking for friendship is an inevitable reality. It's something that we all look for, we all love to have. When it comes to friends, how many of these people you call friends you can really count on when you need them? And these friends that
you have around you, are they friends who really tell you what you need to hear or what you want to hear?
Friends come in different shapes, different kinds, different categories, different thoughts, different ideas. And when they're around you, one thing for sure that you cannot avoid: you will be influenced by your friends and your friends will be influenced by you. Even if you say, no, no, no, alhamdulillahi rabbil alameen. I know myself. I'm strong. I have my guards always up. No one can affect me. I always do what I want to do inshallahu tabaraka wa ta'ala.
You can say whatever you want to say. But again, as human beings, we cannot stop that sense of influence. We cannot. Allah made us share together an emotional Wi-Fi. If you come into an area where there are people around, all of a sudden you will be influenced by that. You'll be connected right away.
Demonstration of Influence
Let me show an example. I want you all to look at me right now. Can you see me? What happened? What did you laugh at? Did I make any jokes? I didn't. I just smiled. And because you see me smiling, you smiled and laughed. I tricked you. Your friends are doing this to you on a regular basis. Subconsciously, you've been affected by every single emotion that people are sharing with you and all around you.
Sometimes you watch a movie. When you watch a movie, you start sobbing and crying, even though you're eating popcorn. But why is that? Because you cannot help it. You've been influenced by the emotions being given to you through these scenes. You'll be walking in the street and see something and you just feel afraid or feel the urgency to help. You can't help it.
The Hadith of Good and Bad Company
As human beings, we are influenced and we're prone to influence as well. So therefore, if you know that you're going to be influenced anyway, what do you need to do? Make sure that the influence source is a healthy source for you. Allah mentioned, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) as a matter of fact, in the hadith in Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim, Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) says:
(Bukhari 2101, Muslim 2628)
The example of good and bad company is like the perfume seller and the blacksmith.
The Good Friend: The Perfume Seller
So you can have two kinds of friends: positive and negative friends. The positive friend, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) says (كحامل المسك - kahamil al misk) - like the perfume seller. And the negative friend, he says like
(نافخ الكير - nafikh al kir) - the blacksmith.
So what's the difference here? (حامل المسك - hamil al misk) - the perfume seller, Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) says: إما أن يحذيك وإما أن تبتاع منه وإما أن تجد منه ريحا طيبا
Whether you get something for free, or you buy from them, or you just walk around and catch the scent on your clothes. The same thing with good friends.
(إما أن يحذيك - imma an huthyik) - They volunteer the sample of goodness to you. Like when you go to the mall and they have all these cards, they say, could you please, you know, here you go, new perfume. They give you these cards to smell them. They have a nice smell on them. Your friends volunteer the nasiha for you. They volunteer that goodness. So they keep giving it to you, even if you don't ask for it.
Second thing (وإما أن تبتاع منه - wa imma an tabtaa minhu) - You might buy, you solicit something from them. Sometimes you go to your friend and you ask them, hey, can you help me with this? What do you think about it? Oh my God, I'm going through this. How do I deal with this stuff? So you solicit from them the request, and because they're good friends to you, they give you the right advice and the good advice.
(وإما أن تجد منه ريحا طيبا - wa imma an tajida minhu rihan tayyiba) - If you don't solicit anything from them, if they don't volunteer any goodness to you, what is the least you could get from them? Feeling safe around them. Just sitting with your friends, you feel good. That's exactly the kind of scent you get when you leave. You have, alhamdulillah, you relax just being around your friends.
The Bad Friend: The Blacksmith
As for the blacksmiths, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) mentioned the example of bad company, like being around the blacksmith. If you've ever been there, you will see what that means. If you're around and they're using fire, some of these sparks fly all over the place, they splash all over the place, and if you're close to them, chances are it's going to land on your clothes and burn them.
Or maybe leave a hole. So you have a fancy jacket, or abaya, or thawb, or shirt, and you spend so much money on this, mashallah, and then you go there, one small hole on the sleeve, ruined it for you. And now every time you walk around, you try to hide it. And subhanallah, just like that, ruined everything for you. Every time you want to put this on again, you feel awkward because there is a hole. And that's the kind of friendship that you have sometimes, you feel awkward around some of these people.
And the other example, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) says: (وإما أن تجد منه ريحا خبيثا - wa imma an tajida minhu rihan khabitha) - if they don't burn your clothes, you come out and you smell bad. Just like when you walk somewhere, you know, the airport, sometimes I stand outside the airport door, waiting for my ride to come. And then there are people smoking.
So I always avoid that area because I know when I enter the car, the person will look at me and say, you smell like smoking, right? Sometimes, I actually intentionally tell the guy, the person who picked me up, I say, listen, I didn't smoke, it was just the guys next to me. Because we'll catch bad smell. And people will probably make this assumption about you and the other people that you've been around.
The Inevitable Reality of Influence
So Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) is telling us that when it comes to friendship, it's one of two things. Influence is going to happen, whether you like it or not. But you choose what kind of influence you would like to have for yourself. Are you going to have positive influence or negative influence? Because one day, we will all come to Allah and we will remember that my friendship affected my life forever.
The Regret of Bad Friendship
Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) says in the Quran:
The unjust person will bite at his hand and say, which means out of regret, keep biting on their fingers, and say, "Woe to me! I wish I had taken with the Messenger a way. Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not chosen so-and-so for a friend. For it was he who led me away from the remembrance after it had come to me. And Satan has proven very treacherous to man."
The Example of Abu Talib
You see when Abu Talib, the uncle of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam)was on his deathbed, in the last moment, he could be rescued in that moment. Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) was trying to convince his uncle in the last moment of his life, "Ya amm, kalima, just one single word, please listen to me, say this word, so I could use it for you with Allah on the Day of Judgment. Just say لا إلهَ إلا الله"
Who was around Abu Talib? His friends, Abu Jahl and the others, standing there by him. Every time the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) is telling Abu Talib, "Ya amm, please one word, just say it," they would say to him, "Are you going to leave the path of your father? Is that what's going to be the end of you?" So they kept telling him, "Don't listen to him. What's wrong with you? Are you going to listen to him in this moment of your life right now? What is going to be your legacy?"
So Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said, "Ya amm, just say it, don't listen to them, just say it." And the people around Abu Talib kept saying, "Are you going to say this again? Are you going to ruin your reputation?" So what happened with Abu Talib? He at the end chose the path of his friends, not his nephew. He said, "You know what? That's it, I'll stay on the path of Abdul Muttalib. I'll follow the path
of my father." And he died on this. In a moment that he needed really that guidance, these friends became the bad influence.
How Many Friends Do We Need?
So the question that we all ask ourselves is, how do I do that? How do I get that good influence from people? And how many friends do I really need in my life to get that positive influence? Tell me, how many friends do you think you need in your life to have positive influence? Ten? More than ten? Or less than ten? How about five? How about three? How many of you say one is enough?
How many friends do you have then? You all believe that one is enough, but you surround yourself with an army of friends and imaginary friends. By the way, like I said at the beginning, even though you surround yourself with whom you call friends, but trust me, the friends you don't see, the friends you don't meet regularly in person are those who have the most influence on you. The friends that you follow on Snapchat, on social media in general, and also your WhatsApp groups, all these are the friends that have the greatest influence on you. So be careful.
The Hadith of the Hundred Camels
Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) says in a hadith narrated by Ibn Abbas (رضي الله عنه - radi Allahu anhu) that people are like 100 camels. What does that mean when you say like 100 camels? Back in the days when people used to count things through camels, that was their culture. These people that lived in the desert, just to understand the hadith, he says people are like 100 camels.
Out of every 100 camels, you could barely find one that is suitable as a ride. We always thought that all camels are okay as rides, right? No, not necessarily. Why is it so important to have the right camel as your ride if you live in the desert? Because the desert is a very treacherous environment, very dangerous terrain.
And people survive in the desert through what? Going from one area to another with the least resources - water, food, and so on. Now imagine, if a person chooses just any camel to go from one place to the other, and in the middle it just gets stranded.
Like if you want to drive for example from here all the way down to Texas, where I came from. It's warmer there by the way, just to let you know. So if you want to drive from here all the way down to Texas, and you just have this old car from 1980 whatever, and you could barely run from here to the next neighborhood or next block, and still you take your chance and drive all the way down south with this car. What happens if you drive maybe for 10-15 miles outside of the city limit? It'll break down. The same thing with them.
Alhamdulillah we have triple A to call to help you and save your life, right? There they didn't have that. After the will of Allah, they depended so much on their camels. So, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) is
saying, it's more like one camel.
All these people around you, they're acquaintances. You could call them friends if you want to. But how many of these friends can you really count on them to help you cross the terrain? The terrain of this world and this dunya to Allah. This life is just like this desert. And you need a trustworthy ride to get you from point A to point B. And that trustworthy ride could be only one. And if you have 10 then you're going to get distracted.
Even though this one ride keeps telling you, "This is the way," everybody tells you, "No we're going that way. You want to come with us or not?" And under pressure most people go with 9, they don't go with 1. So what do we need to do in order for me to have that positive influence inshallah?
Seven Points for Positive Influence
I'm going to share with you 7 points inshallah. So get ready for these 7 points inshallah on how to have that influence with the friends around you and have that positive influence for yourself as well. And under each one I'm going to give inshallah a couple of action items bi idhnillahi azza wa jal.
Point 1: Have a Positive Attitude
To have positive influence and influence other people, the first thing you need to know: Have a positive attitude. How many of you have friends who are always negative? Like every time I do something positive, "Ah, come on, no don't need to do this thing. I have a paper to submit." "Who cares? Let's go do this, no let's watch the movie."
They have a negative attitude, they're always negative. "Who cares? Who's going to listen to you? Who's going to watch this stuff?" Subhanallah, every time I do something right they always influence me to do something that is completely wrong. So what do I do in this case? If I don't have that positive attitude I'm going to become negative like them.
I will be influenced again. Remember the big smile I gave you at the beginning? You all giggled and smiled. Now I want you to look at me again. Can you look at me? So if I look like this, you kind of feel a little bit different. Same thing, look at the children, babies. When they see you smile, they smile. When they see you frown, they cry. Why? Because you transfer those emotions to them.
The exact same thing happens with friends who are around you. So make sure to stay inshallah with a positive attitude. How do I do that? I have two things to say for you inshallah.
Number one, and I know it's easier said than done, but I'm going to have to say it anyway. To keep a positive attitude, number one, you need to submit yourself to the will of Allah. And what does that mean when it says submit yourself to Allah? Always look at the big picture.
Bad things happen in your life. And they will happen in my life and your life. But this is part of the test. What does Allah tell us in the Quran?
"You perhaps dislike something and it is good for you; and you perhaps love something and it is bad for you. And Allah knows while you know not. You would dislike something, but there is so much good in that thing. So remember to always look at the big picture that will help you inshallah have a positive attitude.
The second thing I want you to do to keep a positive attitude which is the experiment we did earlier today in the morning: Smile. Always smile. This is a big conference right now. You're going to be running late. You missed the opportunity to attend this lecture. There is a long line just to get your food or your cup of coffee. You are going to get grumpy on every scale you can imagine. Even when you go to the elevator, just to go to your room is going to take you forever.
You are going to get upset. Here is my advice for you: Smile. And keep smiling. Because wallahi we need it. I have a bad day too. So why do you have to make it worse for me? Let's smile and share together inshallah this kind of attitude, the positive attitude.
Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم they said about him,
(Source Name)
- The most smiling person you can imagine. Anas رضي الله عنه who served the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم for 10 years. Since he was 10 years old until he became 20-21 years old. He said, every time I met the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he would smile in my face. For 10 years, at all these ages basically 10, 11, 12 teenagers mashallah young adult, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم always smiled in his face.
Why is that? Because I really need that smile. Because it will make me feel good, make me feel positive and actually brighten my day after having a very difficult experience. So let's have a positive attitude inshallah and when you smile towards your friends, you will make their life better and in return they will make yours better inshallah as well.
Point 2: Be Original and Lead by Example
Be original and lead by example. What does that mean? One of our biggest problems with friendship and companionship is peer pressure. And what is peer pressure? Simply, you don't want to stand out in the wrong way. But what defines wrong from right? That's the problem. As a believer, I need to stand out inshallah in the most positive way in the right example. So be original.
says in the hadith:
(Tirmidhi 2007)
Don't be imma'a, don't be a copycat. When they do something good, you do good. When they do something bad, you do bad. No, don't be that person. He says, train yourselves that if they do good, you do good. If they do bad, you don't do injustice.
Which means try to educate yourself, learn. Try to train yourself. If they do good, you do good. If they do bad, avoid doing it. Stand out to be the person who always does good. So make sure to be original.
And how do I do that? Number one, learn to say no. Learn to say no. And by the way, subhanallah, no is probably one of the first, if not the first word we learn when we are kids, right? Remember the little kids, what is the first thing they learn? No.
Why is that? Because that's what they hear from you the most. Little kids, they touch something. "Nope, don't touch this. No. Can I do this? No." So what do they learn from you? No.
How come when we become adults or become teenagers, it becomes the hardest thing to say? After it used to be the easiest thing to say. Subhanallah.
Shall we exercise this together, jama'ah? I want you all to say it together. No. Say it again. Very good, right? Now let's say it very loud. How about that? So you can feel good about it. Say it. One, two, three. No. Awesome. Feels good, right? Next time someone tells you to do something that is not in line with your values, what do you say? Inshallah.
You can say no, okay? Don't say no, inshallah. Just say no, okay? Because we know what "no, inshallah" means. No, just say no.
Learn to say no because it's as important as saying yes as well. That's the first. The second thing to do to be original: Be confident. Just be confident. And how do I be confident? Always believe in the right thing that you do. You believe in it. If you believe this is something right to do, then just do it and be confident. And if someone tries to persuade you otherwise, what do you say? No. Remember that.
Point 3: Be a Da'wah Person
How to influence, inshallah, positive attitude? Be a da'wah person. Which many people hate to do with friends, right? The last thing you want with your friends is to be their sheikh, their preacher. When I say be a da'wah person, you don't have to be a preacher of jama'ah. No, I'm not saying that.
All I'm asking is being a da'wah person is just being that right influence for your friends. How is that? Number one: By shedding light on your friends, you will shine better. Instead of you talking, listen to them. Give them the chance to talk and be the person who listens to them as part of your da'wah. Like you become the venting machine for them.
Listen to them and hopefully you will shine. When you shed light on other people, you will shine, inshallah. When you shine, people, they will be influenced by you. Mashallah, you're an awesome person. And by the way, when I say listen to your friends, unless they're saying stuff that's going to make you actually go and commit suicide, alright? Because some friends, subhanallah, they come and they influence other people, they become permission givers. They say terrible stories about their life and their experiences and others just cannot handle it.
And specifically for teenagers, they feel so bad, they go hurt themselves unfortunately as a result. So be careful. If you know your friend is saying something that's going to be dangerous for themselves and for you, then hopefully you can guide them to those professionals who can take care of them, inshallah, on your behalf.
Also, learn to compliment people. Learn to compliment people as part of your da'wah. If someone does something good, acknowledge that. Let your friend know that mashallah, you look nice today. Alhamdulillah, you look awesome today. Mashallah, you know the word you said the other day? I heard you speaking to that friend, it was beautiful. I saw you posting something so good, mashallah, jazakallahu khair for this. Be a person who always gives compliments because people, they love really to know that you're doing good. And when they do bad, you let them know that you shouldn't be doing this.
Point 4: Live a Grateful Life
What do I need to do to influence people around me? Live a grateful life and be happy with it. Show your friends that you're grateful for what you have because most of our friends, when we meet together, what do they talk about? What they're missing? What they don't have? What others have posted online? "Oh my God, did you see what she said? Did you see what she has? Oh my God, did you see her purse? Did you see this and that?" So we talk about all that stuff and we forget about the blessings that we have. So be a grateful person.
And wallahi, when you're grateful, you feel content. When you feel content, that's when you're happy. This is when people start feeling gravitated towards you. Why? Because people, they want to know your secret. They want to know, how come you're so happy? How come you're not influenced by that stuff? Why aren't you so upset like everybody else? Because alhamdulillah, I'm grateful for what I have.
So how can I be grateful? How can I show my friend that I'm grateful? Number one, live a purposeful life. What does that mean? When you move from point A to point B, there's a purpose. If you ever grab your phone, you grab your phone from your pocket or from your purse, even when you're driving, if you stop at the traffic light and you want to pick up your phone, what is the purpose? Other than just wasting time and killing time until the traffic light turns green. What's the purpose?
Most of our life today because of social media, because of technology, lost its meaning and its purpose. So the moment we sit down quietly, what do we do? We grab the phone. We look for distraction. Distraction from what? From connecting with yourself. And that's why when you sit quiet for a few minutes and start hearing these voices in your mind and your brain, what do you feel? You freak out. And you grab your phone just to distract yourself. Hello, that was you speaking to yourself.
But we're not used to it anymore. So that's why we freak out from that stuff. So we go and we grab our phones. Lead a purposeful life. You need to live that purposeful life. And also, the second thing, you need to speak about the blessings of Allah.
Let your friends know that you're grateful. So whatever you have, you're happy with it. Alhamdulillahi rabbil alameen. Anything they complain about to you, show them how grateful you can be. Yeah, I know you might lose some friends because of that stuff. Because people, they need to feel, they need to know that what they're saying is true.
They want to feel encouraged and feel supported and validated. Even though they need that from you, sometimes, again, we need to be confident and stand your ground.
Point 5: Be Knowledgeable and Share It
Be knowledgeable and share it. What does that mean? A lot of our friends, they act in a certain way because of lack of knowledge or they don't know any better. You're the person who's supposed to be that source of information for them. You don't have to be the knowledgeable person among them, but you need to be the resourceful person among them.
They need the resources. They need to know where to go from here. So you can ask someone, inshallah, and help them with that.
How do we do this? Number one, learn to be helpful. Really? Do I really need to learn how to be helpful? Yeah, in our time, being helpful is something really hard. It has become something like "none of my business" because we live in the culture of extreme and radical individualism.
Yesterday, when I came back, when we were flying in, subhanallah, it was very interesting as I was standing, a lady in front of us, she was asking if someone can hand her the bag, which was just right in my reach, but I need to stretch my arm a little bit backward to get her bag for her. So she said, "Can someone please hand me the red bag over there?" So I looked behind me, the guy who was standing behind me was much closer to it. He was just standing like this.
And everybody was looking at him just like, is he going to take an action? And you can see the discomfort in his eyes, like, none of my business. Like, you need to wait until your turn so you can pick up your bag. I'm just like, subhanallah, why not? So I pulled the bag and I gave it to her and I was pulling the bag, he wasn't happy with it.
Like (وَلَا يَحْضُ عَلَى طَعَامِ الْمِسْكِينِ - wa la yahuddu 'alaa ta'aamil miskeen) (Quran 89:18) - He doesn't even want to do good and he doesn't want to encourage doing good, subhanallah. Be helpful. Learn to be helpful. It's a skill that we lost in this society and learn to be helpful inshallahu ta'ala.
Number two on this point, share and invite them to share. If you know something good, share it with your friends. But not spamming them with everything. But share something good that is very useful to them inshallahu ta'ala.
Point 6: Be Accepting and Don't Judge
For the sake of time, I'm going to go quickly on the last two points. Be accepting and don't judge. Even if your friend does something wrong, don't judge their intentions. Instead, you know what? Help them out to learn from it.
Help them out to learn from it. Don't judge, just help them out to learn from this inshallahu ta'ala. How do I do this? Two things.
Number one, be forgiving for God's sake. We lost this culture and this habit and this tradition and this trait. We are so bitter, we don't forgive anymore. Allah al-musta'an. So we always jump into conclusion and judgment. Don't judge, be forgiving and do not judge these people.
Again, let them learn from that mistake.
Point 7: Be Compassionate
And the last point inshallah I will share with you is to be compassionate. To be compassionate. Allah loves those who are merciful. Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) says:
(Abu Dawud 4941, Tirmidhi 1924)
Those who are compassionate, those who are merciful, Allah the most merciful will shower them with His mercy. Make sure that you do so inshallahu ta'ala.
Conclusion
So in conclusion, like we began at the very beginning of this session, we said that you have so many what I call the imaginary friends. Right? You might be surrounded by 100 people but how many of these people you can really count on them for your life in this dunya and the akhirah? It could be that one person. If you find that person, hold on to this person.
And how can I influence other people around me? If I want to find that person then you need to be that person in the first place. You will eventually gravitate people with the same qualities inshallahu ta'ala. Learn to be positive and always have that positive attitude.
Be that da'wah person that the people they need to be around and shed light on others, you will shine. Be original, don't just copy what they do and what they say. Be grateful, be resourceful and be merciful to them inshallahu ta'ala.
May Allah give you the best friendship in this dunya and the best friendship in the akhirah rabbil alameen. I ask Allah the way He brought us here to this day, to bring us in Jannatul Firdaus with the (صلى الله عليه وسلم) Prophet Muhammad.
وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللَّهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ