A Family Affair

Aisha was the most beloved when he was asked, Ya Rasulullah, who is the most beloved to you? He said, Aisha. Straightforward means do you need to ask a question? There's no question about that.

So it's very obvious. However, when Aisha says something about Khadijah, the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) gets very upset. One time, the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) he received a gift, a gift of meat, goat meat perhaps, a meat for distribution.

So the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) in the presence of Aisha, he started ordering the meat to be cut and given to the friends of Khadijah. He said, send this to the friends of Khadijah, send this to the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) so she was a good friend of Khadijah. Basically, he's keeping connection with the friends of Khadijah for the sake of his wife, r.a. Aisha was there and kind of felt jealous of everyone.

Jealous from whom? A woman who was already dead. But she just felt so jealous. At least her mention was kind of irritating.

So she said, Ya Rasulallah, why do you keep mentioning this old lady after she became dust in her grave when Allah has given you such and such beautiful maiden, lady about herself. And that's when the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) he stopped and he said that. He never said that again about Khadijah.

Just never. And then he started counting the qualities of Khadijah r.a. She was the one who supported me when everybody left me alone. She was the one who gave me, who gave me comfort.

She sacrificed her time. She sacrificed even, he said, her money and her wealth for the sake of Allah. She was the one.

She basically, he was telling her, she was everything for me when everybody else was away. Turning away from me. And that's why the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) maintained so much loving relationship with Khadijah.

He never got married to Aisha during that time at all. Except to Khadijah r.a. Rasulallah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) he was very faithful in that relationship. And also as well in other relationships (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) which we are going to talk about later.

But now for Khadijah r.a. Imagine that you visualize that model in your life. Both husband and wife, they get together. You know what brought them together besides just the loving relationship they had?

Wallahi it's that ultimate goal that they all seek is the pleasure of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). It is the pleasure of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). When the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) came down from the cave of Hira, shivering and shaking.

And she grabbed him. She said, it's okay, it's okay. He told her, I was so scared for myself.

What did she say about him? She said, no way. Allah will never disgrace you. Subhanallah, look at this woman.

How she stands by her husband in time of difficulty like this. She said, no, I know you. I know you.

She knew him before he even received the revelation (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) for more than 15 years right now. And she was counting his good qualities. You're such a good person.

You maintain good relations with your families. You help the poor. You're always around there when people need you.

So she was counting his qualities. She knew about the qualities of her husband. She supports him.

She says, no, Allah will not disgrace you. And indeed Allah is the messenger of Allah. So what did she do in return for this? She became the first believer.

Allahumma ta'ala Khadijah

And that's why Allah gave Khadijah

a place in Al-Jannah that no one else, no woman would get this. Khadijah

The Prophet as a Father

Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) from Khadijah, he had all his children except for Ibrahim (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). Just all his children except for Ibrahim. So we don't know much really about the relationship between Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) and his children when they were young kids.

But we know so much as they started growing older. SubhanAllah one of these beautiful and amazing and amazing feelings Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) the father, he was like anyone else, like any other man. Like any other man.

You love your children, you take care of them, you protect them and guess what? You hate to lose them during your lifetime. Don't you? How many of you would love to lose your children during this lifetime? Anyone? No one. You all love to see your kids to grow up to become mashaAllah of their age.

You see mashaAllah the result of your work in this dunya and hopefully in the akhirah to be a father inshaAllah ta'ala. So you all love that. And here is Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) he was watching his children dying one after the other during his lifetime.

First his baby boys, al-Qasim, wa Abdullah, they died in infancy. Whenever I remember these stories, wallahi, it's just amazing how he had to endure all these feelings and hardships as a great messenger of Allah. As a test.

And if anyone, if anyone who deserved to be spared, if anyone deserved to be spared the pain of losing a child should be Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). But the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) was not spared that pain. So what about you? If something wrong happens to your child, you stop complaining. You stop whining about it.

Something wrong happens between you and Allah, between you and your child, you stop complaining and blame Allah Azza wa Jal for that. Why?

And here is Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) never complained about this. Then his daughters, one after the other, dying in his lifetime.

Ruqayya, Umm Kulthum, the wife of Uthman r.a. And then when he went, and then he also in Medina afterwards, Zaynab al-Kubra, his eldest daughter, she dies. And as the ladies were preparing her, he came and he approached her and he says, when you are done washing her and preparing her, call me. Just call me before you start wrapping her.

So when they washed and prepared her, they gave the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) that they are ready. So he gave them his outer garment (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). He says, please wrap her with this. I want her to be blessed with that.

So they wrapped her with that. And when they brought her to the grave, Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) was there crying. Crying as he was burying his own daughter salawatullahi wa salamu alayh.

And who was that? That was the bikr to him which means the first child. The first child by whom he earned the title of a father, salawatullahi wa salamu alayh. Can you imagine losing your child like this? SubhanAllah.

Then the only child that left and survived the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) was Fatima radiyaAllahu ta'ala anha wa Allah. Fatima radiyaAllahu anha, she brought the joy of the world to the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). Personally and then with her children. Al-Hasan and Al-Husayn.

You see Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) every time he sees Fatima he stops everything that he was doing. And he would go straight to greet her. He would stand up for her (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). He would kiss her on her forehead radiyaAllahu ta'ala anha wa Allah.

And he brings her to sit next to him as close as possible. And as he speaks he always pays attention to her and what she says. He was a very good listener (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). How many times you had a child coming to you and says baba, mum and as they start speaking you interrupt them.

Why? Because come on leave me on these silly things ya. I have much more important things to care about than just nagging and you know bickering between you and your siblings. Go on solve it on your own.

I'm done with this. All these kind of you know argument that you have with your children. When was the last time you just stopped for your 5 year old child and you listen to them as they speak whatever words they learned so far to speak to explain a complex situation to you? Because at least to them.

When was the last time? You know the story of Yusuf (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) begins by the event of the dream that Yusuf (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) saw him when he was a child. And he went to his father and he says

You know if you see if you check the Arabic expression it's so beautiful subhanAllah qala ya abati he says oh my father the word ya abati is not like saying dad it's not like saying dad it's much more beautiful like saying daddy daddy ya abati daddy when you say daddy who says daddy? 13 years old say daddy to you? No way right?

When they pass maybe 5 years old 6 years old they stop saying daddy they stop saying dad whatever call him by name then Here's Yusuf alayhi salam as a young child coming to his father he says ya abati daddy daddy qala ya abati inni ra'aytu ahada ashara kawkaban I've seen 11 planets kawkaban wa shamsa wal qamar I've seen the sun and the moon ra'aytum I saw them I saw them prostrating to me or before me you know when a child speaks they repeat themselves a few times as they talk right? that's why they say that's why he said qala ya abati oh daddy daddy inni ra'aytu I've seen and then he said and I've seen them again they repeat themselves more than one time that's how children speak daddy daddy and they repeat that again I heard that move on they repeat that again and they mention the same thing over and over again but still Yaqub alayhi salam he was misinterpreting his child and he gave him positive feedback when was the last time you talked to your child and you gave them you gave them a feedback that made them feel good instead of giving them instructions go and do this don't do that again when was that? why do we break all these lines of communication with our children? Rasulullah s.a.w. was always a good communicator s.a.w. Fatima even she remembers him when he was giving her these special attentions moments basically quality time he was she was in the presence of the other wives specifically Ali s.a.w. and that was close to the death of the Prophet s.a.w. so as they were speaking the Prophet s.a.w. he he paid attention to Fatima so he whispered something in her ear see just can you I want you to visualize that right now they're sitting together in the session with Ali s.a.w. and Fatima and Rasulullah s.a.w. and then Rasulullah s.a.w. he leans towards Fatima and he starts whispering something in her ear suddenly Fatima breaks into tears starts crying then the Prophet s.a.w. he felt so bad that he broke her heart because of what he said so he just goes back again and he whispers something else to her so she starts giggling so she starts holding her tears and then she starts laughing and then it finishes with a smile now everybody I'm sure you can think of right now you guys are dying to know what was that all about right? Hay! it's the same thing she was there the moment Fatima was leaving she went to escort to Ali s.a.w. she grabbed her she said by the way what was that all about? they're crying they're laughing she told him that's the secret of the Prophet I'm not going to say then few days maybe later the Prophet s.a.w. passed away Allah A'lam how long did it take Ali s.a.w. to return back to Fatima telling her now that the Prophet s.a.w. is gone so now tell me what was that all about she told her the Prophet s.a.w. he whispered to me that he is going to be leaving very soon and suddenly she started crying because of that but then to

make her feel good the Prophet s.a.w. gave her the news that don't worry don't worry don't you want to be one of the fair ladies of Al-Jannah of course I mean everybody wants to be like that like being the first lady of Al-Jannah can you imagine that title so she started laughing didn't know oh my god of course I want to so she stopped now the narration he gave her the news that she is going to be following him soon 6 months after he passed away Fatima was gone his grandchildren Hassan and Hussein you know as a man in his profession s.a.w. he was a great leader a great messenger of Allah a great politician educator you name it everything you can think of in his life that was in Rasulullah s.a.w. and even in your life however even though with this so busy schedule he would have time to go and spend some time with his kids with Hassan and Hussein they used to say about Rasulullah s.a.w. that if he was missing in action they were looking for him and he wasn't there so most likely they would find him in the house of Fatima sure enough one time Abu Khattab was looking for the messenger of Allah s.a.w. he said that he is not there in the masjid no he is not in the masjid so he said where should we find him he said go to the house of Fatima he must be there so he goes to the house of Fatima and what does he do over there what do you think he is doing in the house of Fatima r.a giving orders and commands no when Umar he came in and he saw the prophet s.a.w. it was such an amazing sight he sees the prophet s.a.w. on his knees four on four playing horse with Hassan and Hussein can you imagine the whole ummah is waiting for the prophet s.a.w. he is playing horse so then when Umar he saw that he just gave a command he said mashallah so he has such a fancy ride mashallah and the prophet s.a.w. said in response to this he said and they are the best knights who can ever ride on this ride and Hassan and Hussein r.a joking about it he was joking about it then Umar would tell him ya RasulAllah who are you so then the prophet s.a.w. would take Hassan and Hussein down and he would go and attend these serious matters so even the messenger of Allah I am sure some people would say ya sheikh you just damaged the image that I had about Rasulullah s.a.w. I couldn't even imagine the prophet would be on four playing horse with the children why not why not is it because you don't do it or you are too old for this and guess how old was he s.a.w. when he was doing that he was already in his 60's he was already in his 60's s.a.w. and he was doing that s.a.w. so if you are still in your 20's and 30's and 40's and 50's you are still younger than the prophet he did that so don't say I can't do this this is not my style I don't want my kids basically to be literally ride on my back in my life s.a.w. why do you take it that way you are acting you are acting like this Bedouin who one time came to the prophet s.a.w. and the messenger of Allah s.a.w. he received him as the head of his delegation his name was Al-Aqra ibn Hadith he was the head of his tribe basically can you imagine like a position such a high position like this so the prophet takes him to honor the guest of such a status to come to the house and he went to the house on his way to the house he stopped by the house of Fatima let's stop for a few minutes because I want to see the kids and we go and he stops subhanAllah he stops with that guest can you imagine that he's standing and holding their hands and they would be climbing with their feet on his legs s.a.w. until they get to the level of his chest and then he hugs them then he kissed them so when he kissed the child and he puts them down that man was looking at Rasul s.a.w. who was kind of frowning and he says do you kiss your children which means are you serious you do that so the prophet s.a.w. was surprised and shocked he says of course the man says

and he was proud of him as a achievement he as a father of course he says I have 10 children I never kissed any one of them the prophet s.a.w. he said

"what can I do for you if Allah has taken mercy out of your heart"

he said if you never touched your child in a positive way to encourage them to show them kindness mercy tenderness then you missed a lot if you have never done that before by the way if you are 10 11 12 years old don't even try it right now take it easy don't go home and rush and say my son he would say excuse me what's going on where have you been take it easy on them if you didn't train them if you didn't grow up in the house feeling that you have them discipline teach them discipline through principles and you don't break these principles

Family Dynamics and Relationships

How is she going to take care of her parents? I mean if you make the logical consequence of this decision, you have to understand that her parents has become your parents by proxy.

You should do that. And at the same time, your parents has become the way you want her to respect your parents because they're your parents and you're the man. You also need to respect her parents in return as well.

And the idea, even the idea of asking that question, wallahi for me sometimes it's very irritating. The idea of just young men or women, they say, listen, I don't want anything to do with your parents. They talk to each other.

Why? What's the problem? I mean they are just like your parents. Sometimes they will just make your life difficult because they have their culture and you have your culture so you come to some tension here. The same thing, her parents are going to make part of the life easy and part of it might be actually some questionable things.

So eventually, you need to respect them as your parents and there is no escape. Literally, there is no escape. Yes, if they're a troublemaker, there's some other sickness happening, there's so much trouble that happens between a husband and wife because of the parents, then my recommendation, go for counseling.

Don't just be stubborn and say, no, I'm not going to even, if you have a problem, you go and ask the shaykh. Go for counseling. I'm not going to go for counseling.

I will suggest that you go for counseling to solve that particular issue between you and your wife or your husband and the parents. But as general rule, you can't escape the fact that you have to respect them as

the elders of our community. And by the way, the way you treat them, you'll be setting the example and the model for your children on how to treat you when you get older.

The second part is just to elaborate on young people when they get married to make sure that they think about both sets of parents, the husband and the wife. Yeah, this is the same thing. And when you get married, you're going to have to think of them again.

You just, the young men and women, they have this utopian ideas of marriage. That it's all about us, in me and you, and we live above the heavens, above the clouds, and inshallah everything is going to be perfect because we love each other. And then a few months after that, they have troubles.

Well, what happened? What happened? Remember the clouds that didn't have enough water in there? So, eventually, you need to understand that the reality of marriage is a complex relationship between you, parents, and other people related to that relationship. Yes, yes. I want to ask a question of Sayyidat Ata, of the Imam Zala Anwar.

Several times he's gotten married. And she was the mother of Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم). And I want to know, because people want to know that too. Why do you feel that Sayyidat Umar Khattab of the Imam Zala Anwar passed away in her marriage, but she refused that? But I want to know, because you have a... Who's exactly? Sayyidat Atika of the Imam Zala Anwar.

Atika? Yes. What's wrong with that? No, she's been married six or seven times in her life. Because the Imam Zala Anwar passed away in the war. Yeah. And then the second time. I want to know.

Why women? Let me put it in perspective. Why women at the time of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم)? Man and women would divorce and marry, divorce and marry, and then it basically wasn't a big problem like this. Today, unfortunately, there's an inherited bias against divorcees or widows.

It's basically, even when a lady hears a man, let's say he was married before, that's a question mark. If he failed it once, why not twice? So therefore, it becomes unfortunately inheriting, maybe the problem twice. Once, it was transgressed against in the first relationship if he was the victim.

Second, by the label they put on him in the community. Same thing with the lady. Why should we actually have this prejudice against each other, subhanAllah? We should understand marriage in perspective.

Things didn't work out. Alhamdulillah. Allah says,

"You hold them nicely, I release them nicely."

Unfortunately, because marriage has become a great financial investment, that's what creates problems in families when divorce happens. I invested $100,000 in this marriage, and this one has put $25,000 in this marriage, so it becomes a source of problems. As for Atiqa, for example, she's not the only one.

There's also Asma'a bint Khubaish and Fatima bint Qais and other women. They married multiple times and there was no problem because society was basically, if a man dies, she becomes a widow. After four months and ten days, she's free to get married.

Someone else is going to ask her for marriage. It was known back then. Our society has changed.

The view of marriage has changed, unfortunately. And I have to say, and I have to say it frankly and openly, this culture or this bias against divorcees and widows and widowers and so on is among the immigrant community in America, the Muslim community in America. Among the rivers and the converts, there is not much of prejudice here about this issue.

There are no problems. It's easy. Why? Because the culture is different and the structure, their structure is like the structure of the Sahaba, the early Sahaba.

They were all actually converts or Muslims at that time. Also, because polygamy has become such a big taboo. Right now? At least in this country.

It could be, but I mean, what does this have to do with not accepting someone who is a widow or a widower? When you get married... Oh, you have to choose one and only one. It's because in this society, we can't basically polygamy more than once. A wife is prohibited here.

So therefore, some people, they want to do it, they want to do it basically from the first time, but they can't do the right choice. But that's not just here. Even in Muslim world, it's the same thing.

The subject of marrying one and only one wife is actually in decline. It's not because it's prohibited, it's because it's a personal choice. Insha'Allah, there are three more questions and we'll conclude.

Step-parents and Family Relations

There's one about, someone had a text about the duties to the step-parents. Duties to the step-parents? The step-parents are the same thing. I mean, the step-parents, they will be like your parents in that sense as well.

I mean, if you're growing up under the roof, of course, and they're taking care of you, so if you're a step- father, he is like your father. And when I say like your father, I'd rather even eliminate the word like. Basically, he's a father.

So you have to treat him like that. Don't say, well, he doesn't have the right to give me orders and commands. I know most children who grow up in this kind of relationship, they have an issue with their

authority.

So when the step-father or step-father tries to deal with them, they always resort to that issue. You're not my mother, you have no right to talk to me like this, you can't say this to me, and so on. That's absolutely wrong.

That's absolutely wrong. Yes, there are some specific, let's say, responsibility, or maybe specific responsibility of the parents if they're available, but they were divorced, for example. But overall, if you live under the roof, again, of the step-parents, then you should and you have to treat them like you treat your parents.

Teaching Children Prayer

InshaAllah, if you take the next question. Yeah, Florida. How do you get your children who are like 2, 3, and 4 to pray Salah with you? How do you get your children 3, 2, 3, and 4? Yeah, young children.

To pray with you? The 2, 3, or 4 children? Two years old, I think it's too young to do that. Even 3 and 4. SubhanAllah, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم), what did Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) say in the hadith? He says,

(Sunan Abu Dawood Hadith 495)

"You command your children to pray when they are 7."

What do you guys understand from this? One of whom is Mukhalif over here. And he said, you command them to pray when they're 7. What's the opposite understanding of this? Before 7, you can't command them.

So, in this case, teach them Salah before 7. That's what we also understand. We also understand from this, that by the time you need to command them to pray, they already know how to do that. So, you taught them Salah when they were 5, 6 years old.

Children, before that, they learn through imitation. That's how they do it. They see you pray, they're going to pray.

They see you watch TV, guess what? They're going to watch TV. So, whatever you do, you're setting an example to your children. You read, they learn how to read.

You read the Qur'an, they will learn how to read the Qur'an. I know a child, I knew a child, who was resisting learning the Qur'an, although his parents were so adamant to teach him the Qur'an. And one day, I had a conversation with him.

I said, why are you resisting? Why don't you want to learn? He says, because I don't see any reason for that. We don't even use it at home. No one practices that at home.

I said, are you willing to talk to your parents about this in front of me? He says, yeah, sure. So, when his parents came, I said, I had them in conversation together. I said, this is what your son is saying.

And his parents, they admitted. That is true. We don't even read the Qur'an.

Everyone has excuses. I don't have time, this and that. I said, whatever excuse you have, your child doesn't see that.

He only sees one thing, or per se, the lack of it, which is not reading the Qur'an at home. So, teach them through good habits, inshaAllah. InshaAllah, before the next, I was going to say prescription.

Marriage and Family Priorities

Before the next question, anyone else want to raise their hand? In the meantime, one of the questions came. After Allah, who is the wife's next priority? Her parents, her in-laws, or her husband? That's the husband's question. My answer to this is, seek counseling, yes.

You know the answer. But you want to use the answer to your wife by proxy. You already know the answer that the Prophet, salallahu alayhi wa sallam, he gave the respect of the husband as a priority in the house of the wife.

Basically, as a family, that's the arrangement. However, it is not about authority as much as how you practice this beautiful relationship, love and mercy in the relationship. I mean, look at Rasulullah, salallahu alayhi wa sallam.

With a gesture, his wife would do him whatever he wants. It's not because he was just Rasulullah, salallahu alayhi wa sallam, because he was a loving man, a loving husband, salallahu alayhi wa sallam. Troubles will always exist in the relationship.

Expecting to have a hopeless relationship, that's dream. It only happens in one place. You know what you call that place? Jannah.

And you're on earth. Wake up. So, therefore, you have to expect some errors, faults, problems, nice times, good times, hard times, difficult times.

Didn't Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, say,

"We shall test you and try you. They've been testing all these things. The loss, wealth and children and life and all that stuff."

So, prepare yourself. You're going to have to prepare yourself for that. So, again, it's not about who is the authority.

Dealing with Non-Muslim In-Laws

What if your spouse's parents or in-laws are non-Muslim and the father won't speak to either of you because of this situation? If the in-laws are non-Muslims and they don't want to talk to you guys because of her becoming Muslim or him becoming Muslim and he's marrying someone that they don't approve and so on, you do your best. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says,

"And keep good companionship with them."

And he says that during difficult times. By the way, you don't show them companionship in good times. No, the best companionship is shown in difficult times.

That's where you need to have good companionship with them. However, if they command you to disobey Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, then you do not obey.

Cultural and Religious Boundaries in Marriage

The next question is, What should we do about parents who are not like their daughters or sons to marry out of their race or culture? And does that mean that they should no longer get married? Wow.

No. No, the parents are actually holding it in their hearts. Wallahi, whether we like it or not.

Whether we like it or not. Our children are growing up in a culture different than their parents. If they were coming from an immigrant community.

You know what, not even just coming from an immigrant, actually back home. Even if they were born here. Even if they grew up over here.

Children everyday are growing up, learning other things, different styles, different culture than their parents' culture. Ali ibn Abi Talib, and that's my advice. Ali ibn Abi Talib, he gave an amazing statement about one of the greatest principles of child upbringing or raising.

He said,

"He said, when you raise your children, basically he says, train them, raise them, or prepare them for the challenges of their time, not your time."

Most of us, we want our kids to be copies, clones, basically, of ourselves.

That's not going to happen. Whatever you try, it's not going to happen. Most parents, they want their children to be the continuation of their success story in life.

Alhamdulillah, I immigrated 35 years ago, I became a successful doctor, I built this fancy mansion, mashallah, and I made extra room for you and your wife when you get married. And then, excuse me, slow down, slow down, let's move on a little bit. That was 35 years ago.

Now we're in a different age, parents need to understand that things are changing, their kids, they have grown up, they're grown up right now, and they don't see these boundaries. The race, the color, look at them. When they go on campus, they're associated with people of all color, all race.

In Muslim communities, when you have a Eid party, you have Eid parties over here, or you don't have Eid parties over here? Alhamdulillah. If you have seen the Eid parties, most likely you have seen these circles. So you have, mashallah, the Arabs on one side, and you have, let's say, the Bases on one side, and the South Americans on one side, and all of a sudden on one side.

Why is that? Even among the Arabs, you have cliques also. The Shamis on one side, the Egyptians on one side, all these different ethnic traditions.

But when you watch the youth, guess what? It's an amazing sight. They're all together, no boundaries. Why is that? Because they grow up not seeing these colors. They're colorblind, basically.

Put it this way. They don't see these colors, alhamdulillah, that's why it's not easy for them to connect with anyone from a different race. When you say from a different race, it's according to the parents, not necessarily to the children.

On the other hand, parents are so worried about their kids making irrational choices, as well as immature decisions. Why? Because, and I agree with parents, the level and the age of maturity was pushed higher than usual. Now, if you read the books of psychology, they usually give the stage of development to the children until they reach 12 years old.

After 12 years old, suddenly it's open space. But before that, they organize the age, the group of basic human development, up to 12 years old. Why was that? Check these books, most of them are actually written in the beginning of the past century.

And the reason for that, because that's how children were. Even here in New York, most of these studies were actually in this area over here. They would see children when they become 12 years old, already running businesses.

They're already running farms, they even drive tractors in the farm and all this stuff, so they're already mature. That's why they're 12 years old. In our time right now, most parents, if Allah has blessed them with wealth, they keep pushing their kids for education, higher education, higher education, and don't worry about anything else.

We'll take care of everything for you. So you find a child who's studying to become a doctor, he's already driving, mashallah, BMW. So why is he studying to become a doctor? Just trying to figure out, why is he studying to become a doctor? He's already have that luxury of life that provides him, you know, if he becomes a doctor.

We're not preparing our children properly so that our children become immature. And when they are 20, 25 years old, still actually, they need some guidance, and that's what worries parents so much. So for the young ones, please, please, understand where your parents are coming from.

They want to see maturity. If they don't see it from you, they're going to resist your choices. And for the parents also, please, please, see where your children are coming from.

If you're going to have them marry someone that you like, they might please you, but you might just present so much stress in that relationship that you yourself are going to have to leave afterwards. So as a recommendation, I would like to and recommend to, again, it's all about the line of communication. Parents, to open up, inshallah, to their children, and children to open up when it comes to choices about marriage.

Marriage to Non-Muslims

I know it's time to close now, but we'll take the last question. It's a question about marrying a non-Muslim girl. Whether it is right or it should not be allowed to happen when there are so many other Muslim sisters available.

Then make it easy for them to get married a girl, Jahi, a Muslim girl. Tatbeer. Just make it simple and easy.

We make it the halal so difficult that it's easier to marry a non-Muslim because it's only about $25 in the court, in the city hall, and we're done. You want to make it a little bit more expensive? Go to Las Vegas. And they marry this girl there in any hall, but then they come back again.

We make it so difficult that our kids start going to these routes because it's easier. They don't require all these fancy chalet halls and wedding halls and the invitation and the car of the invitation and all this stuff. Just make it so simple.

(Musnad Ahmad Hadith 24417)

"The less the mahr, the more the barakah and blessings in the marriage and the relationship."

I witnessed marriages. I was there.

Witnessed marriages where the mahr, the entire dowry, was only sujadah for duha wa laila itha sajjad. It's not just something you read in books of history and tafsir. I witnessed that.

I've seen marriages where the mahr, the whole dowry, was a prayer rug, sujada. And I'm talking about young men and women of respected families.

And there were no hidden strings.

That was actually just in front of everybody. But there was actually another fine font over there that says $100,000. Nothing hidden.

No agendas. Parents, they like the family. They like the children.

MashaAllah, they would like to help them get married. And bismillah. Why do I have to have my child get married, start his marital relationship with a $20,000, $50,000 debt? I could have given this, basically, to him and put him in his pocket to start, mashaAllah, fresh instead of paying $100,000 in something that was going to end in a couple of hours.

It's completely irrational, subhanAllah. I know most girls would like to have this Cinderella-style wedding parties. There's nothing wrong with that.

That's halal. But you are going to suffer the consequence of that fancy thing. It is so stressful.

So stressful. Keep it simple, mashaAllah, and we'll be okay. As for marrying a non-Muslim, Islamically, it's actually halal to marry a Jewish woman or a Christian woman in general.

But that's in terms of legal ruling. But in terms of decision-making, Allah, I would recommend that. The other thing is that for every guy who marries a non-Muslim girl, guess what? There's one extra Muslim girl who's going to end up with no husband.

Because the guy has the luxury of marrying a non-Muslim girl, right? And the girl, she won't have that luxury. And unfortunately, we're forcing them into making wrong choices as well. So remember that.

It's actually a long cycle, and it's going to affect each and every one of us who live in this community. Not just, you know, me or that family. And many people who live in Saudi Arabia now are saying, it's not me, it's the other family.

And sooner or later, you will be actually part of that whole fabric of that society. Very, very good energy level. Actually, Sheikh, actually, he taught all day today.

And he will be teaching tomorrow, inshallah, all day again. And that's a very good energy level, I pray to Allah. Preserve your strength and keep you for us so that we can benefit from you.

Those who follow Sheikh on Facebook, he's a public figure. I was kind of trying to figure out, because we have a hadith. I was not sure really what happened.

So those who are following him as a public figure on Facebook, what he loves most? What he loves most? Chocolate. MashaAllah. So we have for him and his family, because I know he loves gifts for his family.

We have... No matter. We have here... Sheikh, can I borrow one of your phrase? Yeah, sure. Yeah, Jamal, give it to me.

A lot of coffee. This is on behalf of our community. We really do appreciate you coming to us.

And I think when you have been asked, you did not hesitate in coming. I pray Allah bless you and your family. So brothers and sisters, I hope that you have benefited.

There is a lot of information here. We have it on tape. We will try to check the possibility.

We could have copies of this for distribution in the future. It's free online. Pardon me? It will be online later.

It also will be on our website later, inshaAllah. And for all the advices, timely reminder, I pray that we all can start taking it very seriously inshaAllah.

And try to put it in our lives that we can be better for it.

Closing

InshaAllah. Wa alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.