Sweetest Trial - AlMaghrib Institute IlmFest 2016
By Waleed Basyouni | 2026-01-10T11:43:06.214917+00:00 | Topic: Trials
The Sweetest Trial: Learning from Our Children
Opening Remarks
As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. How are you guys doing? I know it's the last speech of the night, and I really, really appreciate, mashallah, your commitment to stay all the way. What's the time now? Eight o'clock, so I better start, that's right. It should be finished by 8.20.
Introduction: The Significance of Children in the Quran
Today I would like to speak to you about a word that was repeated 32 times in the Quran, in 19 different chapters, surahs. When we put this program together, we were thinking about what's the theme or the message that the Quran focus on. And one of the things that we found in the Quran again and again talking about is children, dhriyya, the word dhriyya.
This repetition, many times the Quran speaks about the word, or mentioned the word dhriyya, dhriyya, dhriyya, as I said 32 times in the Quran. This points to the significance of the word dhriyya, which it means offsprings or children. You know, family is the cornerstone of the society.
The Importance of Family in Islam
And for that reason, Islam placed much emphasis in the importance of family. And Allah in many verses in the Quran told us about the importance of looking after our family, raising a strong family.
"Oh you who believe, protect yourself and your family from the hellfire."
"Order your family to pray on time and be patient with that."
Many times Allah tell us that He recognizes the rights of our children. And He clearly stated what some of the rights are.
Allah praise Ibadur-Rahman, the one who say:
They pray for themselves and for their families, for their spouses, that they will be (قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ) cool to the eyes.
The Natural Role of Parents
Often when we think about children, we often think about how can we raise them? How can we protect them? How can we teach them? How can we provide for them? That's what usually people talk about when they talk about children and family. And I believe that's natural.
(Bukhari hadith 853, Muslim hadith 1829)
"Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you will be held accountable for his flock."
The Prophet recognized that, and the Sharia recognized that natural thing that we look after our children. We, as I said, provide, protect, and that's the role that we play in their life.
"Teach your children and family good manners and etiquettes."
And I can go on and on in many hadith and many verses about children from that perspective.
A Different Perspective: Learning from Children
But today or tonight, I would like to look at our children and look at children from another lens. From the lens of learner. How about if we tonight before we go home, we've a little bit focus on what can we learn from our children.
The Story of the Two Apples
There is this young boy, was holding two apples in his hand. The father said, Hey, why don't you share one of them with me? The son quickly took a bite from each apple. So the father said, You know what? Why? You should learn how to share. That's not nice. You're not gonna be able to eat all of them, both of them. Why don't you share one of them with your dad? You should be generous, you should be this and that. And he started teaching him a kind of lesson about generosity.
But the boy with a very soft voice, he said, Dad, actually that was not my intention. My intention was to find out which one of the two apples is sweeter to give it to you. The dad said, at that point I realized there is much I can learn from my child.
There is so much I can learn from my own kids. A lot of time we forgot that this, many times Allah talk about children, is to make us pay attention to everything related to them. And today I would like to share with you some points, observations that I have about children. Since Allah, Alhamdulillah, bless me with a good number of children and I've been watching them growing over the years. Okay, I can share with you some of my experience.
Lesson One: Perseverance and Goal Orientation
Children do not give up easily. They are goal oriented. Obstacles are ignored. And they focus on their target and what they want to achieve. You know, tell your kids no to this, he will find another way to talk about it. He will keep insisting to go and to achieve what he or she wants. Don't you agree? You know, it's so interesting how they are so focus on their goals. And when they want something, they try every possible way to achieve that goal.
You know, I wish us as adults, we pick that attitude from our kids. I wish us as adults, we're not willing to give up easily our dreams, our goals just because of the challenges and the obstacles that face us when we try to achieve our goals.
The Importance of Having Clear Goals
You know, every time Allah and Dr. Ahmed today when he was talking to you about his experience, it just put in my mind and heart, you know, how important that we focus on our goal. Because if Dr. Ahmed didn't have a goal, he will not be able to go through these obstacles of his life, with these challenges in his life.
When you have a goal in your life, you have a meaning for your life. You guys, can you think of a basketball game where there is no goals to score? There is no ring. We just pass the ball to each other. How boring game this is. Can you imagine football game with no goals? Can you imagine soccer with no goals? Hockey with no goals? Very boring game. That's exactly how your life is, a very boring life.
You're unwilling to give up anything easily. But when you have a goal in mind, and you're driven by your goals, you're driven by dreams, your life will be completely different. I do believe one of the secret behind the success of every successful movement, it is because they have clear goals.
The Community's Need for Clear Vision
So many times, not us as individuals, but us as a family, as a community, we don't have even clear goal that we are committed to it. Ask many of us as a community leader today, unfortunately, they say, what's your goal in your Masjid? What's your goal in your community? You as a community, what is your big goal that you try to achieve? And what we're trying to achieve as a community in North Texas, for example. You will see most of the time, we don't have a very clear vision of what we want.
Most of the time, we are not driven by our goals. Most of the time, we are driven by our problems. You know, big difference between Martin Luther King when he used to say, I have what? I have a dream. Can you imagine if Martin Luther King used to say, I have a problem? Driven by his problems. He wouldn't go anywhere.
Can you imagine the example Dr. Ahmad give you? If he everyday woke up and he say, I have a kidney problem. Instead of saying, I have a goal to achieve. I have a change to make. I have a point to make to myself and to the people around me. That's a big difference between us as a community who often driven by our problems and we don't focus on our goal and willing to drop them quickly.
Lesson Two: Positive Attitude Toward Mistakes
Children before they go to school and they taught in school, being wrong, it means bad. They figure in their own being wrong, it doesn't mean bad. Being wrong, it means an opportunity to learn. Being wrong, it means an experience. Being wrong, it means something I can discover, something I can change. It's an opportunity for me to grow. Very positive attitude towards mistakes in life.
But often us as an adult, our mistakes are the reason for our failing. You know, success is not ever, it doesn't mean ever that you don't make a mistake. It doesn't mean that you've never been knocked down. Actually success, it means you can stand up every time you're knocked down. Every time you make a mistake, you come back and you correct yourself.
The Islamic Perspective on Repentance
You know, our Muslim theologians talk about:
"Is the servant higher before the sin or after repentance?"
And they give the example of Adam. They said Adam after his sin and repentance, he was higher than Adam before committing any sins. He reach higher level, he became a prophet even afterwards. So when you repent to Allah, that's something elevate you. Our religion teach us to have a positive attitude toward our mistakes. And to look at them an opportunity for us to learn and to grow.
I'm sorry, I'm kind of rushing it because I don't have much time. And I would like actually to end my talk earlier than my time, at least for once in my life.
Lesson Three: Pure Hearts and Forgiveness
I love about kids, they have an absolutely beautiful pure heart. Children do not have grudges. Forgive easily in most of the time. Okay. They are transparent about their feelings. Adults should learn from children this quality. They should know how to, they should learn to deal with one another with the same level of sincerity.
If you were extend an act of kindness toward the child, okay, what will happen? You will see the attitude of this child completely change tremendously. He would easily, basically, forget about whatever wrong you've done to him. You know, sometimes maybe I will do something to my kids and I'll say, Hey, Omar, let's make a peace with my son or my daughter. Hey, let's change that. And I'm sorry. And I take him out
for, you know, good ice cream or something like that. I'll give him a gift. He will change and he will be happy and things are forgotten and we move on in our relationship.
Adults' Difficulty with Forgiveness
But many adults, no matter what you do, if you buy them the whole chain of restaurants, okay, if you give them whatever, they will never forgive you. So many people, adults, you do a lot of good to them in your life and one time you make a mistake, one time you do something wrong, one time you know what is not your day. You know, maybe it was not that, you know, you did wrong to them and it will never be forgotten.
Spouses, they hold grudges towards each other. Oh, you remember, there is people, you know, when you have your screen and you minimize the screen, okay, it's always there. One click, bring it up again. Some people like that. When they deal with you, they never close that windows. It's always there. It's always ready to pop up in the screen again. You know, there is people like that.
The moment you see him or you meet her, what happens? Immediately your file pops up and the history. Yes, that's happened in that day and that's happened... And always in the back of their heads. That's very bad. That's very wrong. We need to learn how to forgive. We need to move on in our life.
The True Nature of Forgiveness
I was telling a brother yesterday, talking to me about the concept of forgiveness. And he was telling me how some of his friends or some of his family member have wronged him badly. They did something so bad to him. And he said, Sheikh Walid, they did this, this is evil. This is meant to hurt me, to hurt my family. It really did. It almost broke my family.
And I said, hey, when you forgive someone, do you forgive someone who have harmed you and caused wrong to you? Or you forgive someone who did good to you? He said, you know what? I got it. You're right, Sheikh. Often we forget that forgiveness, it means to forgive those who have wronged you. That's what forgiveness is.
"Don't you want Allah to forgive you? So learn how to forgive."
Learn how to be willing to forgive others. You know, whenever you forgive people, you don't set those people free. You set your heart free. Every time you forgive someone who have wronged you, you set yourself free. You don't chain yourself to that person that you hate anymore. You just forgive him and you let it go.
Lesson Four: Ability to Adjust
Children adjust quickly to the new environment, quickly to the new school. You know, much faster than adult. They quickly adjust to the new home. You know, to the new stage in life that they are in. This is a big challenge to so many adults today. They don't know how to adjust to the new life that they have.
A lot of people cannot adjust that, you know what, my kid is not anymore elementary school kid. My kid is a high school kid. My kid is in the middle school. My kid is now in college. You know, my kid is now married. She has her own house. She has her own life. A lot of parents cannot adjust to that. They don't know how to deal with that new change in their life.
A lot of adults cannot adjust that, you know what, maybe the career that I have, and I get laid off, I can't work anymore with this degree. I can't work anymore with this kind of experience. I need to adjust to the new situation that I'm in. I need to learn new tricks. I'm not too old to learn. You know, I need to go back to school and to learn. You know what, my community is different. I can't live in the past. Things change.
A lot of time we cannot adapt to the change that happened to us, and we became paralyzed. I wish that we can learn from our children the ability to adjust.
The Concept of Patience (As-Sabr)
One of the most beautiful meanings, Ibn Al-Qayyim rahimahullah talked about, when he was talking about the concept of as-sabr, being patient. He said, as-sabr, one of the meaning of as-sabr, is your ability to adjust to the new situation that you're in. As-sabr is not just passive thing, doing nothing. It's your ability to adjust with the new situation that you're living in.
Lesson Five: The Power of Smiling
That's my favorite part about kids. You know what it is? What is it? It's they smile a lot. Kids, they laugh, they smile. You know, a study shows that average kids smile 200 times a day, while an average adult smile 14 to 17 times a day. And I bet you anything, this percentage is way lower in the Muslim community.
You know, one of the common factor I found between Muslims beside la ilaha illallah, that they don't smile often. Believe me, I travel the world. I travel all over United States of America. I travel to many, I go to many masajid. The common look and average Muslim face in the masjid is checking you out. It's very rare to find someone who smile, just genuinely smile at you, come across you, and he give you this beautiful smile even if he doesn't know you.
The Prophet's Teaching on Smiling
As if we don't even hear what the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:
(Tirmidhi hadith 1956)
"Your smile, it's an act of charity."
As if we never heard Jabir radiallahu anhu, and Aisha radiallahu anhu, and many companions saying, "I never met the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) unless I found him smiling." As if we never come across a hadith like that. As if we never come across statements like this. It's strange how many of us unfortunately became a borderline grumpy people. I think it's about time to change that.
The Medical Benefits of Laughter
Today, earlier I said about Dallas, I have always this competition between me and Sheikh Yasir Burjas, about why you should move from Dallas to Houston, and why Houston is 10 reasons for you to move to Houston, and all this kind of back and forth with him. That's why I would make a joke with my friends who live in Dallas.
But the following point is true about Houston. We have a St. Luke Hospital in Houston. And this is the first hospital in our nation, actually maybe worldwide, but in our nation, who start treating people with laughter. They start an experiment, they start as basically an observation, that they use laughter as a form of medicine.
A study shows that when you laugh a lot and you smile a lot, actually you live longer. One common factor between all those who live long life, that they laugh a lot.
This brother, he said his grandma was in the hospital, and he calling, he said, she's like about almost 80 years old. He said, Grandma, how are you doing? She said, I'm fine. They draw some bloods, and so far they roll out pregnancy. So waiting for the rest of their... She's joking. That's the spirit made her live that long life.
I have in my community a brother, mashallah, he's African-American brother, beautiful brother, who works in Montana in the winter, in one of the resorts, skiing resorts, and in the summer comes to Houston. I said that's the wrong time to come to Houston. Anyway, mashallah, he's so active, he's so strong, look fresh. He would never say his daughter, she's a professor in the university, in Clear Lake University.
And I always tell him, mashallah, how come you so shining like that? Very fresh and strong, always walking. He said, Sheikh, you don't know, black don't crack, you know. And I said, that's what it is. That's basically that spirit that kept him strong.
Natural Killer Cells and Laughter
What I'm saying here, that study showing that our body produce naturally a natural killer cells called NK. These are cells that responsible for attacking all viruses and all bad cells that turn and potentially can be a cancer cells in your body. You produce that in a daily level. But alhamdulillah, you have in your system that NK cells responsible for attacking them and killing them and not make them effective.
Guess what, study shows that when you laugh a lot, these NK cells not only increased in numbers, but also became more active. You know, a lot of studies just try to Google healing through laughter. And as I said, this hospital have a leading, basically research in this area. So, hospital humor is not a joke. It's a true. It's a free medicine that Allah have given us. Use it.
I will prescribe it for you and I don't need to be a medical doctor to do so. I'll say, smile at least, you know, three times a day before meal and after meal. You know, if you ever pass one of your friends, pass by anyone who don't have a smile in his face, give him one of yours. It's one of the most contagious thing. One of the most beautiful thing to have.
If you ever think that you lost your smile because I still see, I can see all the faces, but I see some people maybe looking at me in a strange look. But I'll tell you, if you think you lost your smile, it didn't go anywhere. It's under your nose. Just smile and be happy. Go home today happy.
Lesson Six: Natural Curiosity and Discovery
Children are naturally curious. They continuously making discovery in their life. They try to figure out the world around them. Adults, unfortunately somewhere, somehow at certain point in our life, we lost that curiosity, sense of curiosity. We stop discovering ourself. We stop learning about new things that you don't know about. You know, at one point you think you know enough. No.
"Above each knowledgeable person, there is so much knowledge to be obtained."
As Imam Ibn Rajab said, "Knowledge is three stages. When you enter the first one, you became arrogant. You enter the second one, you became humble. You enter the third one, you realize that you're ignorant."
The more knowledge you have, the more you feel how ignorant you are. That there is so much out there you don't know before. That's why, take it from me, if you find any student of knowledge who's arrogant, you immediately know that this person is still in the first stage of knowledge. The more you see the persons down to earth, the more knowledgeable the person is.
Discovering Our Hidden Talents
You know, we stop discover the things that Allah put in us. You have so much talents, you have so much things, and you, you can utilize. You can benefit the ummah from. When I was in high school, my teacher took me to a place, and he said, Walid, I want to take you to a place where ideas worth millions of dollars, where ideas can change our city, can bring a lot of change to the world.
I was wondering where he's going to take me, university? The chambers of congress? Where are you going to take me? He took me to the cemetery. And that's true story happened to me. He said, you see this cemetery, there is people buried there, have idea can change the city, can change maybe the world. Idea worth millions and millions of dollars.
It's real at that time because I live in Saudi Arabia. And he said, the only problem that it's buried with them, they never really discovered, they didn't make it happen. He said, Walid, make sure when you go to your grave, your ideas and whatever talents that Allah giving to you, it will not be buried with you.
Your talents are gifts from Allah to you. What you do with them is your gift back to Allah.
Lesson Seven: The Value of Trust
Children are noticeably trusting of others. People who choose to trust tend to be happier. People who choose to trust others, they live more stable life. People who have good faith in others, usually live a life that's much much better than those who always doubt others.
Trusting people is not a weakness. It's a good character trait. Trusting people, it is always payback, in my opinion. I'm not saying don't let people fool you. But you know what? I would rather to be mistaken and error in an area of being trust to someone and maybe he's not trustworthy. But you know what? But I live happy.
I know many people told me, Shaykh, I lend people money, they never give it back. But I never regret it. Because you know what? Alhamdulillah, I learn from my, but I still trust people. Those who always think of people in a negative way, they don't live happy life.
Building Trust in Our Community
Our community need to learn how to trust one another. We need to trust the unknown names. You know, so many times, we only trust big names. But if I hear a speaker who's not famous, I don't have trust for that person. You know, I don't trust the youth to give them responsibilities. I don't trust maybe members in my community to give them the responsibility and to let them lead.
We need to learn how to trust one another. And we need to work on that in order for our community to grow and our society to be better.
Lesson Eight: Self-Confidence
Also, one character trait is very good in kids, confidence. My son think that he is the best football player in the world. My daughter think she is the most beautiful girl in the world. You know, my other girl, she think her hair is the best hair ever exist in the world. And everybody, all kids think of themselves that way. They are the smartest, the fastest, the strongest, the most beautiful.
This confidence in themselves is such a great quality. I wish us as an adult, we have confidence in ourselves. We have confidence in our iman, confidence in our deen, confidence in our talents, confidence in our knowledge, confidence in our society, confidence in our community. I wish that this sense of confidence, sense of high self-esteem exist in our life. Believe me, much different picture you will see in your life and the life of the people around you.
Lesson Nine: Being Active
Kids are mashallah very active. You know, are always on the go. I wish that us as adults, we became a little bit active like kids. We became so lazy as we grow old. You know, this guy was the doctor and he said to the doctor, the doctor said, hey, you have to be careful. He said, what doctor? He said, your blood test shows you're a diabetic. He said, oh doctor, you know diabetes runs in the family. He said, son, I'm worried that nobody runs in the family. That's why they are diabetic. That's what the reality is.
So what we need to be more active a little bit, sisters and brothers, young and old, we need to be more active.
The Example of Self-Reliance
You know, just one hadith, one hadith, keep it in mind tonight:
(Muslim hadith 1043)
"I gave my bay'ah to Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) and I made a promise to him. I will not ask people anything."
The narrator said, I will be in camel and I will drop my stick on the ground. So I'll stop my camel, goes down, get off the camel, pick the stick and go back and ride my camel again. I will not ask the one who walk next to me or walking to pick it up for me. I will not ask my servant. I will not ask my slave at that time.
Can you imagine? 10 years I served Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) Anas ibn Malik said. He never asked me a single day to do something for him. Can you survive 10 minutes, 10 hours without asking your mom, without asking your wife, without asking your kids?
I'm guilty as it can be when it comes to my kids. Sometimes I feel sad for kids. You know what they say today? One of my kids said that day, he said, Baba, you know what? I think parenting is the only form of legal slavery still exist. We're like slaves. We have to work for parents. But anyway, it is an interesting concept.
Being active. You do your work. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) he fix his own shoes, he fix his own clothes, he do his own things. He fix his own bed (صلى الله عليه وسلم). My point is, let's be an active community.
Physical Activity in the Community
I love about my masjid when they start a cycling club, like a bicycle club. So every Sunday that they go, basically riding a bicycle for 5 to 10 miles. And it became something, a habit and growing. People running, people participating in activity, in physical activity. I want to see this more in our life as a community.
Lesson Ten: Embracing Knowledge
And the last point I would like to end with, knowledge. It's for the first time, in my opinion, in the history of humanity, where you might find kids know more than parents. I don't think ever in the history, children had more knowledge than the parents. But I believe in our modern days, our kids knows in many areas, way more than the parents.
You know, I can tell you, that they are very, very different than the way my generation grow up. You know, every time I used to ask, go back to my mom and dad. Now, my kids don't come back to me, they go to Google. You know, they have the technology.
You know, I learn a lot of my kids. I always want to drive them around. I ask them, hey, even my kids are basically great. You know, sometimes you will tell me things I didn't know about it. That day you're telling me, dad, do you know which animal is the only animal in the world can see front and back in the same way? I said, I don't know that. What is it? He said, you know, hammerhead shark. Wow, that's cool.
You know, wallahi, I'm telling you the truth. Just try to invest. Try when you see kids in there. If you're not parents yet, even kids in the masjid, instead of screaming at the kids, try to listen to the kids. And let them share with you some of the things that they learn in school. Share with you some of the things that they learn in their schools and their lives. You will be surprised how much they know.
So, learning and knowledge is another thing that I wish as adults we grow with it.
Conclusion: Nurturing These Qualities
I want to end my talk and I say that we should appreciate these character traits in our children. We should make it grow. You know what? Don't neglect your children. Don't neglect these qualities in them so it will die early in them. Nurture it. You know, invest in your children. Invest in your family. Let's invest more in our young generations.
Why our masjid are not friendly to our children? Why our masjid don't invest time and effort and thoughts while programs made and prepared for children to nurture them in every aspect? Let's make this a priority for us. Because if we have a strong generation growing, we will have a strong future. A legacy that it will be left behind us.
Because life is not about what we gain. It's about what we leave behind us. It's about what we give. It's about what we make. It's not about the money. It's about the family that I leave. That's more important than whatever materialistic things you leave behind you.
Message to the Youth
My brothers and sisters, I would say in the end, this is a message for the kids. Don't ever think of your parents. Don't ever think of adults as enemy. Don't ever underestimate the sincerity of their advice. Please, there is this notion that a lot of young teenager boys and girls, they have this attitude that, you know, I'll kind of separate them from the adults. I'll feel them.
Maybe they are different. Maybe they think in a different way. But I'll tell you something. I'll tell you never find in the world someone who loves you, someone who cares for you, so sincere to you like your parents. Invest also in your relationship with your parents.
You know, I lost my both parents in about one and a half years apart. And this is a gate for me to paradise. And that's your gate to paradise. And it's the middle gate of paradise. No matter how tall you are, you always look up to your parents. No matter how tall you are, you always look up to your parents.
The Story of the Best Man
There is this kid was sitting in a chair, and the father behind him, you know, holding his son's shoulder, mashallah, he became strong and growing old. And the father said to this child, who do you think is the best man in the city? He said, me. The father kind of surprised by the answer. He said, you? He said, absolutely dad. The best man in this city is me.
The father didn't feel right. The answer was not maybe the thing that he expected. He walked away. And he said, dad? He said, yes. He said, do you want to know who is the best man now in this city? He said, who? He said, you. Then he said, how come?
He said, I was the best man in this city when you were standing behind me and having my shoulder. That would have made me the best man in the world. But when you are in front of me, you are the best man. You know, I want you to look up to your parents to have that respect and love for them.
They have great rights upon you to make dua for them, to learn from them. Because one day, you're going to be separated from each other.
Final Dua
And I ask Allah to gather us all together in Jannatul Naeem and to make our parents, make our children righteous and to, hopefully, that this message of inspiration today, to inspire us to go back tonight, after this long day of talking about many different subjects, that we are motivated to make a difference in our life.
You know, to make a change, even if it's a little bit of change in your life or people's around you, that will be the barakah of such gathering. May Allah bless you all and bless your families.
Thank you very much for coming out to AlmFest 2016, Dallas Rocks, mashallah.