Bir Al Walidayn

Khutba: Birr Al-Walidayn (Kindness to Parents)

Opening and Khutbah Introduction

إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ نَحْمَدُهُ وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَهْدِيهِ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ وَنَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللَّهُ فَلاَ مُضِلَّ لَهُ وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلاَ هَادِيَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لاَ إِلَهَ إِلاَّ اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لاَ شَرِيكَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّداً عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ

"O you who have believed, fear Allah as He should be feared and do not die except as Muslims [in submission to Him]."

The Importance of Birr Al-Walidayn

Brothers and sisters, there's no doubt that each and every one of us have heard about the virtue and the importance of Birr Al-Walidayn. And I have no doubt in my heart that each and every one of us would love, wish that he or she can fulfill their obligations in Islam even fulfill it towards his parents and also wish to be fulfilled to him from their own children.

Learning from the Early Generations

When you hear the stories of the early generations about Birr Al-Walidayn you will be amazed when you ask yourself this big question: What happened to the family today? لا شك أننا نذكر في هذا السلف الأمة رحمهم الله وإلياتهم بآبائهم وأمهاتهم يعني الفرق الشاسع والبون الكبير بين واقعهم وواقعنا

When you read the virtue and the rewardings and the verses in the Qur'an and the Ahadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him) speaking about the importance of this topic then you see how we're treating this issue very lightly.

The Misuse of the Concept

Unfortunately, I would say that sometimes Birr Al-Walidayn as a concept has been used to abuse and you see that people know about it and it became like any other issue we're not going to make a big deal out of that.

Examples from the Companions: Harithah ibn al-Nu'man

When you hear that the Prophet (peace be upon him) when he heard a voice in front of him in Paradise and he was told that this is Harithah ibn al-Nu'man he said, this is the virtue. Aisha said this is his virtue because he was one of the kindest people to his mother may Allah be pleased with him and grant him peace. He said, "Since we became Muslim I never asked her to repeat her request twice. Every time I sat with her I would feed her with my own hand." Aisha she said "I haven't seen anyone in Medina was like him."

Respect and Honor: Examples from the Scholars

I'm sure that when you think of this concept of Birr Al-Walidayn would love to be like him. In Sirin they said he said when he addressed his mother or addressed his parent he was addressed in the same way you address the queen and a king and you guys live in a kingdom and you know the royal etiquette and how to speak to your king and to your queen.

Ibn Qasim one of the great students of Ibn Malik (may Allah have mercy on him) was teaching a lesson and all of a sudden he stood up so they surprised why did he stood up during the class. He was sitting on a chair when he was asked later on he said "I saw my mother in the back she was passing by and paused she was looking at her sight and he said I felt compelled obligated I thought this would be wrong for me to be sitting while my mother is standing" then he stood up.

Exemplary Stories of Devotion

I'm sure all of us would love to be like Amr ibn Dinar. He was asked how is your son to you? He said "Every time I walk in the day time he would be behind me out of respect and honor. In the night he would be ahead of me in front of me because as you know you can imagine the old days there's no lights so you make sure that the road is safe and basically clear for his father to walk. I don't think he ever was on a roof and on the top of me he will feel like this wouldn't be satisfactory on the top floor or on the top of the roof of my father underneath of me." He took that literally to that level.

I'm sure every mother would love to have a son like Fadyan ibn Ubayd. One day an argument took place between him and her. She went to bed something in her heart against him. He said "I couldn't wake her up to ask for forgiveness because that wasn't appropriate. She just slept and I couldn't go to sleep so the whole night I was standing next to her waiting for her to wake up so I asked for her forgiveness. I couldn't go to sleep that night."

The Power of Du'a for Parents

Muhammad ibn Sirin said "We visited Abu Huraira once. He said 'Allah forgive me and forgive my mother and forgive those who have prayed for her for my mother.'" Then Muhammad ibn Sirin said "After I heard that I will make du'a for him and his mother and the only reason I make du'a for his mother because if I do I will receive the prayer of him may Allah forgive Abu Huraira and his mother."

Abu Hanifa's Example

I'm sure he would like to be to have a son like Abu Hanifa not just because of the fame and the knowledge but Abu Hanifa when his father died he spent a whole year. He said "I didn't pray for anyone in my salah except for my father." Today kids you always hear them say "Dad, baba, mom, mother pray for me, pray for me, pray for me." I always tell my kids what about you guys you're supposed to pray for us. We won't and for all these young brothers and sisters listening to me if you're not in the habit of praying for your father and your mother today I'm not sure if you do after we pass away.

Luqman's Wisdom: Allah's Command, Not Personal Demand

Mu'awiya ibn Qurra said how is your son? He said "He's good. I'm the best son. He's taking good care of me financially so I don't need anything and he gives me plenty of time to focus on my life and to take care of my parents."

That was part of the advice of Luqman to his son but this is a very amazing way he addressed his son. If you look at the verses before this one and the one after this one he was telling his son "my son, don't commit shirk, my son if it is a mustard seed it will be hidden somewhere on the earth or the heavens, my son, don't be arrogant, my son, don't do this, don't do that, don't raise your voice, don't walk arrogantly," all these kind of things.

But when it came to Birr Al-Walidayn he didn't tell him, "my son, you have to have Birr Al-Walidayn." Birr Al-Walidayn, by the way, for those who are not familiar with the word Birr Al-Walidayn, to treat your family is the highest level of treatment, the most respectful way, the most effective way, the best way to treat them in the best manner - not a good manner, the best manner. That's what Birr Al-Walidayn means.

The Divine Command vs. Cultural Obligation

So when it came to this part, he didn't say "my son, be good to your parents." He said "Allah prescribed upon you" because there is a very big difference and that's probably my first point today. If you truly want your children to understand the meaning of Birr Al-Walidayn to be like these examples that I just mentioned, or you want to be like those people, the most noble people in our history who are very good to their family, then he has the following point which is, the man told it to his son. He said to his son, that this is what Allah prescribed upon you it's not me demanding it.

Yes, we all love our parents naturally. Yes, we all respect our parents naturally culturally, we obey them, we listen to them, we do this, we do that, we support them, that's fine. But there is a big difference between the one who does that because it's part of my culture that's how I was raised and those who do it for the sake of Allah, those who do it because it's their duty and it is something that Allah prescribed upon us. Because in this case you will honor this concept way beyond those who honor it as just part of their culture or habit.

The Prohibition of "Uff" - Even the Smallest Expression

You will look to the smallest thing and it will be something so serious. That's why when Allah said in this verse "don't say uff," uff is what? It's an expression, it's when you blow air out of your mouth, the smallest thing, any expression of frustration, of anger. It's like you're moving your hand when you look at your parents with an angry look, with a disgusting look, you give them the look, that just look by your face,

that face expression that you do especially if you think of yourself smart enough, old enough to know more than them and better than them and to challenge them and you start giving that look of "uff."

Ibn Abbas said it is نهي الوالدين it is the same it's عقوق الوالد . "

The Power of Doing It for Allah's Sake

You know when you do this for the sake of Allah, you will have so much patience. If you want to be patient with your parents, no matter how difficult they are, no matter how hard their request is, no matter how many times they request you or ask you for things, because you do it for the sake of Allah you will always listen to them, you will always honor their request even if it goes against your desire.

More Examples of Dedication

Sometimes you want to travel, sometimes you want to play, sometimes you want to be socialized with your friends, sometimes you become a burden, but you know that this is not what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will want me to do to turn my back to them.

You know Abu Hanifa, may Allah have mercy on him, he used to carry his mother to a scholar in his town and she would ask this imam a certain question. He wouldn't even know the answer, he would ask Abu Hanifa. Abu Hanifa would tell that old man and the old man would tell the mother. And every day, every week or so, she would do the same thing. He knew and said, "You know mom, I answer, I end up answering all your questions, why don't I just give it to you now? You just ask me now" and he would carry her on his own back.

Sufyan al-Thawri used to carry his mother to the masjid anytime she wants and he would put for her a cushion in the masjid and he would let her sit there.

Abu Huraira's Sacrifice

Abu Huraira, we know that he narrated the hadith of the prophet. Not a single narration about the hajj of the prophet. Umar asked, why didn't he go for hajj and he found out because his mother was sick so he didn't go with the prophet which is the most desirable thing you can imagine to happen to anyone, he gave it up just to be with his mother taking care of her.

Never Be Embarrassed of Your Parents

No matter how hard and embarrassing sometimes it is, some people are embarrassed by how their mother look or how their father look, or by their accent or by the type of requests. Don't always honor your parents. You shouldn't do this for the sake of Allah. It wouldn't matter, don't be embarrassed by if they are good practicing Muslims or even non-Muslims, you should honor them and respect them.

The Scholar Who Left His Class for His Mother

One of the most amazing things I ever read in regard to this, what happened to Shurayh ibn Harb. He was teaching in the masjid of the prophet, the most famous masjid after the masjid of Haram, teaching and in the middle of the class his mother comes and she said "Stay there and go feed the chicken." He's teaching, he's a scholar, he's a sheikh, he's a very well known respected figure in Medina and his mother comes and says "Hey, go feed the chicken" and he stops and goes and feeds the chicken. Don't ever be angry at your parents especially those who be angry at their parents in order to please other people. Those other people did not spend their lives building yours. Remember that.

The Worst Sin After Shirk

If you do this for the sake of Allah, you will be always worried that you do anything that is considered عقوق which is basically treating your parents in the form of disobedience. What is the worst sin in Islam after shirk? That Allah forbade to treat your parents in any form of disobedience or any form of bad treatment.

Why Mothers Are Mentioned Particularly

A lot of great scholars come and say why the prophet mentioned mothers in particular? Because children spend more time with their mothers and children as they grow they think of themselves strong enough and mother because they are so loving sometimes they mix between - the kids think that this love and compassion and basically they think it's weakness so they feel that they can cross the line with their mothers. They use this sharp tongue with their parents.

Ali Ibn Abi Talib once said "Don't use the sharpness of your tongue on the mother who taught you how to speak." Don't do that. Making your parents cry that's a sin.

The Scholar's Regret Over His Tone

You know Habib Ibn Aws, a great scholar from Ahl al-Sunnah, his mother once called him and he replied with a "yes" with a loud voice. He said "Just because my reply was with a louder voice than her voice I consider that a sin."

Raising Righteous Children

You want your children to know and you want to know what is good and how to be good to your parents and you want your children to help everybody? Then make sure that you install in their heart righteousness. Raise them from the early age to be righteous children because the Prophet (peace be upon him) was a righteous son who prayed for his parents.