The Family

The Family

Opening Praise and Gratitude

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. All praise is due to Allah and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him. We praise Allah, we ask that the peace and blessings of Allah be upon His Prophet. I hope inshallah everybody is having a wonderful Ramadan. As we move through this month, mashallah, the iman starts rising, the body becomes weak, the heart becomes strong.

The Spiritual Transformation of Ramadan

The love for food and drink runs away from us and we find the love and the yearning for Allah begins to develop in our hearts. So the stomach may be hungry for food and drink in the month of Ramadan but the heart yearns for Allah and pleads for the servant, please obey Allah, please submit to Allah. One more sujood, one more tasbih, one more saying alhamdulillah.

Ramadan as a Tool for Self-Improvement

Alhamdulillah, we should look at the month of Ramadan as I mentioned as a tool. And this tool is designed to polish our lives. Islam did not come to change us completely. Those of us who became Muslim, those of us who live in the American society or in western democracies, we're not being asked to remove who we are or completely change who we are. But we're being asked to polish our personalities, to make ourselves better people, make ourselves constructive individuals. For that reason we're focusing on the hadith of Abu Darda and Salman where the Prophet lays out this moderate balanced understanding of religious expression.

The Preservation of the Family in Islam

And what we want to talk about today is the role of Ramadan and its effect on the family. One of the objectives of this religion of Islam is the preservation of the family from what are called the major objectives of faith. And for that reason we find in Islam itself, the system of Islam, a number of mechanisms which are designed to build, preserve and maintain the family. Not just to start a family, marriage, but to build it, to preserve it and maintain it over time.

Islamic Mechanisms for Family Preservation

For example, Allah made shura, consultation between husband and wife, something very important. Why? To help maintain the family. Allah showed us that if there's marital discord, we ask Allah for protection. Allah said:

"If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them."

Surah An-Nisa that if the two parties want goodness, Allah will guide them to that goodness. How? By bringing people to mediate between the two couples and so on and so forth.

Good Treatment Between Spouses

Good treatment of husbands and wives is something which Islam ordered us to do. Allah ordered the men:

"And live with them in kindness."

With women, live with your wife in the best way. The Prophet said:

خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ

"The best of you are the best to your families." (Sahih Ibn Majah 1977)

The best of you are the best of you to whom? To your families.

The Modern Threat to the Family Unit

So we find in the religion of Islam, different mechanisms which I don't have time of course to elaborate on all of them, help us to build, maintain and preserve what's called the family. And in today's time, if you turn on the Discovery Channel, next to the North African black rhino, on the endangered species list, you're gonna find the family. The family is under attack in society through different areas. Especially the area of pop culture. For that reason in Islam, we find we don't have the try it before you buy it method. We don't have the check out the book and bring it back if you don't like it.

The Sacred Contract of Marriage

We have Nikah. We have a relationship between a husband and a wife which is bound by a contract. And Allah says:

"And they have taken from you a solemn covenant."

We took from you a heavy, strong agreement. What is that agreement? It's Nikah.

The Problem of Misguided Reference Points

Unfortunately we find in our communities now the divorce rate is increasing amongst young Muslim brothers and sisters. And the reason is the reference points. If a young brother has been raised the last 10 years on DMX, Jay-Z, 50 Cent and so on, his point of reference for dealing with a woman is going to be a very misogynist outlook. If a sister has been raised on Bollywood, living in palaces and mansions with million dollar dresses and thousand dollar shoes, or Britney Spears, may Allah protect us, or Shakira, and she brings that into the marriage, the reference point for each person in that marriage is going to be toxic. And that's what's happening now.

The brother wants to go upside the girl's head like he's Master P. The sister wants to demand that the brother buy her a palace like she's Princess Diana. And that's what we find now problems. But when the reference becomes

the Quran, and the reference becomes the Sunnah, and the reference becomes what Allah revealed to this human being in order to maintain, build, maintain and preserve the family, we'll see differences.

Using Ramadan to Strengthen Family Bonds

The month of Ramadan is here brothers and sisters. And this is the month to get busy with your family. Start praying at night with your family. Don't just go to the masjid and pray late in the night. Pray a few rakah, a few cycles of prayer with your wife or with your husband or with your kids. Umar radiallahu anhu used to wake up his children and his wife at the time of the night prayer, and wake them up to pray.

The Prophetic Tradition of Night Prayer Together

The Prophet said:

(Sunan Abi Dawud 1308)

"May Allah have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, and wakes up his wife to pray, and if she refuses, he sprinkles water on her face."

May Allah have mercy on the woman who sprinkles a little water, not a whole bucket of water sisters, on her husband's face, so he wakes up and prays the night prayer. The ibadah in Ramadan family wise should be intense.

The Importance of Suhoor Together

Suhoor, number one. We have suhoor together. Brothers, I recommend that you don't make suhoor at the masjid. Make suhoor with your wife and your kids. Make dua in the morning. Talk about the importance of Ramadan. Talk with your children about the struggles that they're going through at school while fasting. Be the crutches, akhi, with which your family can rely on and walk on when things get hard.

Supporting Your Spouse During Ramadan

If the sister is menstruating and she can't fast, the brother can read Quran to her. The brother can sit with her and make dua with her, or make dhikr with her. Help her brothers, spend time with her that she can still feel the power of the month of Ramadan.

Teaching Children Through Example

With your kids, take your sons to the masjid and make them pray next to you. Don't let them go like they're kites. Unfortunately, these kites, we let them go without a string. And what happens is while we're praying behind the prayer, we have the WWF going on, man. The steel cage match off the top of the rope, you know, from the chair. And the kids are back there going absolute nuts. And the masjid is disturbed.

Keep your son by you when you pray. Teach him how to pray, akhi. If he gets tired, carry your son. What a feeling it must be when you're carrying your son in salah, and he's with you and you're praying to Allah.

Breaking Fast Together as a Family

Also the iftar. Brothers try to get home from work, sisters try to get home from work and have iftar together. Those of you who just got married, don't worry. The first year is the most difficult. The first year they say, ya Allah, it's tough. Use this Ramadan to strengthen that relationship.

The Power of Family Dua

Then you have dua. Make dua as a family. Ibrahim and his son Ismail, they made dua together. So use this month of Ramadan to increase your ibadah. Because brothers, if you want to lead your wives, you have to let Allah lead you. Sister, if you want to lead your children, you have to let Allah lead you.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

We make dua now that Allah will make this month a blessed month for our families. If you've done anything wrong to each other, forgive each other, let things go. Allah forgive the greatest sinners. Can't we forgive our wives? Allah forgive Hind and Abu Sufyan who killed Hamza. Sisters, can't you forgive your husbands? Don't bring things up that happened 13, 14, 15 years ago. Let it go.

Closing Supplication

We ask Allah to unite the husbands and the wives. And those husbands and wives who are having problems in their marriage, we ask Allah to bless that and fix that problem for them. We ask also Allah to bring the children back to their parents. If you haven't spoken to your son in like 5 or 6 years, call him after this and say, I love you, forgive me, let's work on our relationship. If you haven't spoken to your father in 5, 6 years, 3 years, whatever, 3 minutes, 3 seconds, go and tell your father that you love him, brother.

The same with the mothers and the daughters. We ask Allah to use this month to bring us back. Forgive those people around you so that Allah as you would love Allah to forgive you. May Allah bless you. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.