Why Them and Not Me #Gaza

By Omar Suleiman | 2026-01-05T07:22:09.251705+00:00 | Topic: Justice

Dr. Omar Suleiman - "Why Them and Not Me? #Gaza"

Opening

أعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّحِيمِ. بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ. وَلَا عُدْوَانَ إِلَّا عَلَى الظَّالِمِينَ
اللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ وَسَلَّمْ وَبَارِكْ عَلَى عَبْدِكَ وَرَسُولِكَ مُحَمَّدٍ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ وَعَلَى وَالْعَاقِبَةُ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ
آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ وَسَلَّمَ تَسْلِيمًا كَثِيرًا

(Quran 2:193)

Introduction: The Concept of Survivor's Guilt

SubhanAllah, you might find yourself in a situation where you're enjoying something - Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala programmed you to enjoy certain things. You're enjoying the company of family, you're enjoying the company of friends, you are smiling and then suddenly an image comes to your mind and you start to think about what is happening to our brothers and sisters in Gaza. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala free them and give them victory. Allahumma ameen.

And suddenly sadness overtakes you and there's a term that I heard a few times and that I've thought about over the last month and a half called "survivor's guilt." If you look up survivor's guilt and I'm not going to give you an overly technical term because the term is actually pretty self-explanatory, right? It switches the "why me" paradigm to "why them."

Meaning subhanAllah, before October 7th I think that a lot of people would have been asking questions about why are certain things happening to them and maybe that was causing them sadness. But now a lot of us are looking towards what is happening to our brothers and sisters and thinking why is this pain being inflicted upon them and not me?

And the "why" here can come from a place of doubt - doubting Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala protect us from that - or it can come from a place of "why me" as in what does Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala expect of me? Why has Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala not tested me the way that he's tested those people?

Lessons from the Companions: Abdurrahman ibn Auf

And I wanted to actually read into the seerah of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and the companions with this concept that is being spoken about so often now - survivor's guilt. And I want to begin with the companions of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم years after the battle of Uhud.

Now subhanAllah we just came back from Umrah and it was very emotional to visit Uhud because it's so relevant to the moment that we are in right now. And every single companion that lived or touched Uhud in some way, whether they were present on the battlefield or they lost someone in the battlefield of Uhud, whether they saw the scenes themselves or the scenes were described to them - decades later when Islam was victorious and they started to see some of the goodness of this world that their companions at Uhud did not see, they would reflect on that.

So you find multiple narrations that have to do with this. One of them is a narration of Abdurrahman ibn Auf رضي الله تعالى عنه. And we know who Abdurrahman ibn Auf رضي الله تعالى عنه is - he's a man who Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala blessed with ease and comfort and wealth before Islam, during Islam and after Islam throughout his entire life رضي الله تعالى عنه . He generally lived a life of great wealth and a life of great comfort and he is one of al-ashara al-mubashshareen, one of the ten promised paradise, precisely because he wasn't distracted from his pursuit of paradise by the doors of this dunya that were opened up to him.

The Moment of Reflection

And one day Abdurrahman ibn Auf رضي الله تعالى عنه is eating and suddenly in the middle of his food, in the middle of his meal, as the narration says - and this is in Bukhari - he starts to weep. So again, sometimes it hits you at a random moment. This is years later and in the middle of a meal suddenly he starts to weep.

Now Allah opens up the doors of khair, of goodness, to Abdurrahman ibn Auf رضي الله تعالى عنه all the time, but at that moment subhanAllah it just clicked. And as he starts to weep, the people around him are wondering what caused him to cry.

قُتِلَ مُصْعَبٌ وَكَانَ خَيْرًا مِنِّي رضي الله تعالى عنه Mus'ab" رضي الله تعالى عنه : Mus'ab was murdered and Mus'ab was better than me."

(Sahih al-Bukhari 6444)

I want you to pay very close attention to the sentiments - not just the sadness, the sentiment that is being conveyed. Mus'ab رضي الله عنه was martyred and Mus'ab was better than me.

فَلَمْ يُوجَدْ لَهُ مَا يُكَفِّنُ فِيهِ إِلَّا بُرْدَةٌ "And the only thing that we could find to cover him on the day of Uhud after he was martyred was one cloth. If we covered the top of him then his bottom was exposed and if we covered the bottom then his top was exposed."

وَقُتِلَ حَمْزَةٌ وَكَانَ خَيْرًا مِنِّي "And Hamza رضي الله تعالى عنه was martyred and he was better than me." فَلَمْ يُوجَدْ لَهُ مَا يُكَفِّنُ فِيهِ إِلَّا بُرْدَةٌ "And the only thing we had to cover Hamza رضي الله عنه with was one single garment."

The Fear of Hastened Blessings

Now here is where it all comes full circle to him and what's on his mind. As he is thinking about how some of his companions who he deems better than him did not have the circumstances that he has in this dunya and on top of that were murdered in gruesome ways, he says:

لَقَدْ خَشِيتْ أَنْ يَكُونَ قَدْ عُجِّلَتْ لَنَا طَيِّبَاتُنَا فِي حَيَاتِنَا الدُّنْيَا "I'm afraid that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has hastened our blessings in this life of ours." ثُمَّ جَعَلَ يَبْكِي "And then he started to weep once again."

And so his sadness contains multiple components, the guilt contains multiple components:

Number one: Musab and Hamza are better than me and they were killed in a way that I was not killed
Number two: I lived to witness the wealth of this world and they did not even have a garment to cover themselves at the time of their death
Number three: I'm afraid that perhaps this is a sign that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has opened up the doors of this world to us, has hastened the blessings of this world to us, and we will be amongst the deprived in the hereafter whereas they have been deprived in this world and they have gone ahead to the blessings in the hereafter

This is of course what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in multiple places in the Quran:

سَنَسْتَدْرِجُهُم مِّنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَعْلَمُونَ "That we will delay them and we will pull them in from directions that they do not anticipate."

(Quran 7:182)

وَيَوْمَ يُعْرَضُ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا عَلَى النَّارِ أَذْهَبْتُمْ طَيِّبَاتِكُمْ فِي حَيَاتِكُمُ الدُّنْيَا وَاسْتَمْتَعْتُم بِهَا "The day that the disbelievers are presented to their punishment, to their chastisement and it is said to them: did you already waste, did you already consume all of your goodness in that passing life of yours and find pleasure in that and today find nothing but the effects of the evil that you put forth in this world."

(Quran 46:20)

And so there is a fear that even someone like Abdurrahman ibn al-Auf رضي الله تعالى عنه has.

The Story of Khabab ibn al-Arat

Compare that subhanAllah to Khabab ibn al-Arat رضي الله تعالى عنه in a very similar situation. Now before I get to the very similar situation with Khabab, let's go to the most famous incident of Khabab رضي الله تعالى عنه years earlier when he was with the Prophet and he is one of the most tortured companions.

And so there was a time when other people looked at Khabab and felt sorry for him and said how come we are spared and a man like Khabab is tortured? There was a time where you were on the outside looking in and you saw the master of Khabab putting him through all sorts of torture and terror and wondering: "Ya Allah, this man is so good, what did he do to deserve this and why is he going through this and how come I get to comfortably walk the streets of Mecca and I am not tortured the way that "?is رضي الله تعالى عنه Khabab

Khabab's Question to the Prophet

And Khabab says: "I came to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم while he was leaning his back against the Kaaba and he was extending his legs and I went to him عليه الصلاة والسلام and I said to the Prophet صلی ?Aren't you going to make dua to Allah' الله عليه وسلم: أَلَا تَدْعُو اللَّهَ

أَلا تَدْعُو الله This is the actual words: . Imagine saying to Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم "aren't you going to make dua to Allah?" Does anyone in here think for a moment that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was not making dua for his Ummah? The man who would go into sujood for so long عليه الصلاة والسلام "Ummati! Ummati!" that you would think he was dead, crying for his Ummah. But this is human, this is real, this is in the midst of great torture, in the midst of great torment.

أَلا تَدْعُو الله And so when he goes to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he says as if to say "you look a little too calm for the circumstances Ya Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم."

The Prophet's Response

فَقَعَدَ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَهُوَ مُحْمَرٌ وَجْهُهُ That the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم sat up and his face became red. He sat up and his face became red."

(Sahih al-Bukhari 3612)

لَقَدْ كَانَ مَنْ قَبْلَكُمْ لَيُمْشَطُ بِأَمْشَاطِ الْحَدِيدِ مَا دُونَ عِظَامِهِ مِنْ لَحْمٍ أَوْ عَصَبٍ مَا يَصْرِفُهُ ذُلِكَ عَن دِينِهِ And he said صلى الله عليه وسلم: "There were people that came before you and they used to be combed with iron combs until all of the meat, all of the flesh was taken off of their bodies leaving only their bones exposed and that would not turn them away from their religion."

وَيُوضَعُ الْمِنْشَارُ عَلَى مَفْرِقٍ رَأْسِهِ فَيُشَقُّ بِاثْنَتَيْنِ "And a saw would be put on the top of a person's head and he would be cut into two." The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is getting very graphic now.

If you read the hadith of the Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم this is not his habit, right? It's not his habit. I want you to ponder on the seerah and ponder on the circumstances a little bit closer. It wasn't the habit of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم to talk about the graphic nature of the torture of people because the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم used to have a message in which he would instill hope. He would talk about the Jannah that they went to, not the hell on earth that they were taken out of.

And I use "hell on earth" because it's a term but of course we know there's nothing comparable to hellfire, may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala protect us, right? But he wouldn't talk about the circumstances that were here as much as he would talk about what they went to so that the sahaba had uluw al- himmah, they had a higher ambition.

But here the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is saying to Khabab, because Khabab is looking around at that time in his life and Khabab is the scary image, he's the one with no skin on his back why? Because his master has taken burning hot coal and poured it down his back رضي الله تعالى عنه to where the skin has melted off of his back. So he's the graphic image that people look at and say "why? What's happening to him?"

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is giving him a very graphic image even more than the one that he has suffered. There were people who had every single part of their meat taken off of their bodies that were sliced in two. مَا يَصْرِفُهُ ذُلِكَ عَن دِينِهِ "And none of that took that person away from his religion." None of that took that person away from his religion. They died upon faith even under the most grueling of torture.

Khabab's Later Reflection

Now why do I mention this here? Because fast forward to Khabab about 50 years later, about 50 years later as we're approaching now the golden age of Islam. And Abi Wael رضي الله تعالى عنه :says: عُدْنَا خَبَّابًا "That we went to visit Khabab رضي الله تعالى عنه" and it's like he was sitting and reflecting.

So he's talking to the tabi'een now who didn't live those days. They see a very different circumstance. They see Khabab رضي الله تعالى عنه and he looks like he's doing okay for himself, right? He's one of the elites of the companions of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم . The tabi'een adore him, the sahaba adore him, he's doing pretty well for himself now.

Khabab's Reflections on Hijrah

So we went to visit him and you sit down with Khabab رضي الله تعالى عنه and Khabab says: هَاجَرْنَا مَعَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم نُرِيدُ وَجْهَ اللَّهِ "I remember when we made hijrah with the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم we were seeking the pleasure of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala." فَوَقَعَ أَجْرْنَا عَلَى اللَّهِ "And at that time the reward that we had was certainly due upon Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala" - meaning we knew that there was absolutely no worldly benefit for this moment that we were making hijrah but we knew that we had the ajr from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

فَمِنًا مَن مَّاتَ لَمْ يَأْخُذْ مِنْ أَجْرِهِ شَيْئًا "Some of us died, some of us died" - because he's speaking about the companions like a fraternity, like a brotherhood - "some of us passed away and they did not take any ajr, any of the goodness that this world had to offer."

وَمِنْهُمْ مُصْعَبُ بْنُ عُمَيْرٍ "And among them Mus'ab ibn Umair." They always go back to Mus'ab. Why? Because Mus'ab رضي الله عنه had it all and he lost it all in front of their eyes. If you saw Mus'ab in Makkah and you saw Mus'ab on Uhud, you saw a man with everything in this world and then a man with nothing in this world رضي الله تعالى عنه only expecting from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala what he expected.

And he said that Mus'ab رضي الله عنه went from this world and he took nothing from this dunya and he went. And he said the same thing Abdurrahman ibn Auf رضي الله تعالى عنه said that when we covered his head his legs were exposed and if we covered his bottom half then his upper half was exposed.

The Fear of Comfortable Times

وَمِنَّا مَن أَيْنَعَتْ لَهُ ثَمَرَتُهُ فَهُوَ يَهْدِبُهَا "There are amongst us those who lived past that and we've seen the fruits of our efforts in this dunya come to fruition and we are collecting those fruits right now" - almost to say I'm afraid for myself because we lived past the most difficult moments and now we're very comfortable and we're wondering.

SubhanAllah, this is a man who used to be tortured so severely that everyone else looked at him and his torture and he's saying: we're wondering now if there's anything left for us to consume in the hereafter.

So he went from - if you think about the paradigm shift - he went from being the one that everyone looked at and said "why is he going through this and we're not going through it" to being someone who went on in life to now look at others in the same way that passed away before him, which shows you subhanAllah that the circumstances can completely flip your perspective.

And that is one of the wisdoms of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala making this life so unstable, so volatile, that one moment you feel like everything is great and the next moment you feel like everything has been taken away. There's a hikmah to that, there's the wisdom to that because it shifts your perspective in a certain way.

Khabab رضي الله عنه had the light of Iman, faith, in his heart the entire time but now he's seeing things different because things are different for him right now.

Understanding Survivor's Guilt in Islamic Context

And so what is the survivor's guilt that's happening with the companions of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم ? They saw, if they live long enough, the best people go through the worst of things.

Now what's the difference between their survivor's guilt and some of what you hear in the words of people right now? At no point in the undertones is there questioning of whether or not Allah has been fair to those people. At no point is there questioning of whether or not Allah has been fair to those people.

In fact, there's a questioning of whether I have repaid Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for the place that I'm in right now, whether I have responded in the way that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has tasked me to respond.

وَكَّلًّا وَعَدَ اللَّهُ الْحُسْنَى There is a khair that I have (Quran) 4:95) "And everyone will have their due."

It's extremely painful to watch what's happening to our brothers and sisters but bi-idhnillahi ta'ala Allah has customized the path to Jannah for them. We don't accuse Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala of being unjust to them while fighting the cruelty of man towards them. Never do we accuse Allah of being unjust towards them. They have a path that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given to them.

Reconciling Guilt and Faith

For us, naturally we should feel guilty and how do you reconcile this? The same way the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم reconciled when he lost Ibrahim his son and he felt sad but at the same time he knew where his son was going صلى الله عليه وسلم. The sadness was the natural part in the heart of holding your dead child. The certainty was that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala would embrace that child in a way that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم could never do himself, that no human being could give to that child.

And so the sadness when we see our brothers and sisters in Gaza and then we compare ourselves and we say subhanallah: "What am I doing here? Why is all of this open towards me? I'm so comfortable here. I could have easily been in their situation. Why me?" - in the sense of the khair, the goodness that's coming to me and the hardship that's coming to them.

But you flip that and you think to yourself instead: "What's the responsibility now?"

SubhanAllah, you look through the companions of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and you've got sons who lost fathers in Uhud. Jabir رضي الله تعالى عنه who wanted to go fight in Uhud and leave his father back in Uhud to take care of the family, but his father insisted otherwise. So Jabir رضي الله تعالى عنه feeling guilt that "my father was martyred, I should have been there instead."

You have Sa'd bin Khaythamah and Khaythamah, a father and a son who drew lots the day before Badr, one of them. And the son says that "I would have given you what you wanted had it not been Jannah that we're seeking." And then Sa'd رضي الله تعالى عنه gets to go, he's martyred in Badr. Khaythamah lives with sadness until Uhud: "Why is it that my son was lost in Badr?" Until Uhud comes and then Khaythamah رضي الله عنه was martyred in Uhud.

Imagine: the son martyred in Badr, the father martyred in Uhud, but he was carrying a sadness. Jabir says: مِمَّا أَرَاكَ مُنْكَسِرًا "I see you seem broken" but he carried that moment of Uhud for the rest of his life.

The Wisdom of Divine Decree

What about those who felt guilty because they knew they inflicted...? Can you imagine being one of the 40 companions who came down from the mountain? Let me ask you all this question: can anyone name one of the 40 sahaba? We know the story of Uhud: 40 of the 50 disobeyed the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم came down from Jabal Rumah against the orders of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم because they thought the battle was over. That's essentially what left them exposed. Can anyone of you name one of those companions? Anyone? Neither can I. I can't.

Because the sahaba did sitr, they concealed. SubhanAllah, imagine if my father was killed in Uhud because of you, because of you 40. Do you see a single narration like that? Suddenly the sahaba go and they start beating up the families or they say "you know, you inflicted this pain on me so I'm going to inflict this pain on you"? No.

Because they had that understanding of the Qadr of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that this was what Allah had decreed for my father, this is what Allah decreed for my brother, this is what Allah decreed for my son. This was going to happen. But imagine being one of those 40 carrying that guilt.

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