Trusting Allah In Divorce | Ust. Fatima Lette | Juz 5 Qur’an 30 for 30 S7 | Ramadan Series

You don't get to fight fire with fire. You don't get to be evil because somebody else is evil. And so a lot of the rulings that we see come up in Surah An-Nisa, they're not just individual but they're actually communal. It's about how to deal with people. It's about how you are to be in your society. When Allah is disclosing to us his intention behind his ahkam, the reason behind this particular revelation - this is where we should put our magnifying glasses on and we say, سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ. That Allah wants to lighten the burden upon you. Good nasiha is so important to find, like good advice, good people around you. It's so important to find and the filter becomes the Quran. Who's a righteous friend right now? What the Quran deems as a righteous friend.

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته everyone.

Welcome back to Quran 30 for 30. الحمد لله ar-Rahman. We are now on Juz 5 and day 5 and we want to remind you - please keep those donations strong. You don't know how much of an impact your donation is making. So a rule of thumb if you donated last year, donate at least the same amount this year insha'Allah ta'ala and try to get somebody else involved in the khair bi-idhnillah. And if it's your first time then try to push yourself as well bi-idhnillah ta'ala. We need your support and insha'Allah ta'ala we will continue to rise to the call bi-idhnillah ta'ala and do as much as we can to be there not just for you, but for millions of people around the world bi-idhnillah ta'ala with this beautiful message of Islam.

Allah as the All-Knowing Lawgiver

الحمد لله ar-Rahman, blessed as always to have Shaykh Abdullah Duru. I love it when you sit next to me masha'Allah. And we have with us الحمد لله Ustadh Fatima Lette. This is the third time right? Yes, الحمد لله ar-Rahman, الحمد لله. So by popular demand masha'Allah.

So we're happy to have you back walhamdulillah and the Juz that we are in is Juz 5 so we start off with Surah An-Nisa. The overall way that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala talks about himself in this Juz is as a lawgiver and this is actually the first of several ajza where Allah speaks about himself in the capacity of the lawgiver subhanahu wa ta'ala. And in particular here, a lawgiver who understands hidden motivations, who understands hidden betrayals, who understands hidden wisdoms, who knows things from the past that perhaps you're not privy to, who understands the present in a way that you don't and who knows what's to come in the future, and the law is crafted with that.

There's a lot in this Juz about the laws as they pertain to women, to family, to inheritance, to domestic dispute. And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala actually grounding all of that in the fact that he knows the intent of the law.

So here, let's just start off in Surah An-Nisa verse 26:

Allah wants to make things clear for you and guide you to the noble ways of those who came before you. You don't know those that came before you and you don't know if there's historical revisionism or how things necessarily worked out or panned out. You're able to collect what you are through what has been passed down of the people that came before, but Allah created them and he knew their most private moments and he knows everything that happened with them - what worked, what didn't work. And so Allah is saying I want to give you now this crystallized Sharia, this crystallized law that takes into account the noble ways of those that came before you and to turn to you in mercy.

And of course as Ibn Hajar rahimahu Allah comments on a group of hadith from the Prophet ﷺ where he talks about the nature of the religion of Islam - that it's the easiest of the laws that were given to the prophets. SubhanAllah, because actually it's the most accommodating. There are many concessions in the dietary restrictions, in the prayer, and the ahkam as the rulings as they relate to fasting and beyond. Because it's the last law and it's universal, it's meant to be accommodating. And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ - He's the all-knowing, the all-wise.

Allah wants to turn to you in repentance. So he's setting you up to succeed, not setting you up to fail. He's actually setting you up to succeed.

And those that follow their desires, they wish to see you deviate entirely from Allah's way. So they actually want to set you up for failure, even though they come to you with "you only have one life to live," "live your life in a way that's going to be fulfilling." All of these slogans and models that are passed as being for self-improvement and inspiration but actually being deeply narcissistic, individualistic, greedy corporate slogans that are given to people - "this is good," "this is what's gonna make you happy," "it's in this product," "it's in this trend." And Allah is saying these people are actually trying to ruin you. They come off as sincere advisors. So does shaitan, by the way, as a sincere advisor. They're really trying to ruin your life and your afterlife.

And Allah wants to lighten your burden along the way, and human beings were created weak. The weak part here is not necessarily in regards to physical weakness. In fact, it's not that weak in terms of what we're weak - we're weak in our assessment. We're weak in our emotions sometime and some of us subhanAllah are stronger than others. When we talk about the people who have mental strength, emotional strength, spiritual strength - there's a different type of weakness and the strength of heart and the strength of mind and strength of capacity. Human beings are in their nature created weak because they are easily captivated by what their shahawat, their desires. Connect this back to the previous verse - we become deceived by our desires and we become deluded by our desires and so the law takes into consideration all of that.

And then there is this one verse that insha'Allah we'll pivot to the discussion:

Allah says that indeed Allah does not wrong anyone, not even an atom's weight, and if it is a good deed, He will multiply it many times over and he will give you a great reward out of his grace.

The Challenge of Human Weakness

It's beautiful how you touch on the fact that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, his awareness and our lack of awareness. When learning the first pillar of Islam and the oneness of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and how the whole concept of Tawheed and worshipping him by himself because of his qualities and because of the qualities you have that Allah has naturally given us that innate desire and that innate connection of recognizing there is a khalaq ar-razzaq mudabbir. There is a creator, sustainer. No one has control over all things.

But the challenge that we have is being that we created weak - falling victim to our desires and letting those desires control us and steer us. For example, our emotions - not letting our emotions steer us but knowing that emotions has a potential to steer us in ways that we may regret. SubhanAllah, there's even a hikam - there's even rulings in Islam that if you were to do something based on being driven by an emotion in a very intense way that one could be held accountable for that. You find the scholars disagree, for example, divorce when they were really angry - they say that there's stages of that. So that's just proof of ways human beings need something greater to ourselves to rely on, to have as a wakil - to have someone that we trust in in all times.

I think it's beautiful here when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is mentioned in these verses that he wants this, he wants that. When Allah is disclosing to us his intention behind his ahkam - scholars call this ilal - what is the reason behind the rulings or the reason behind this particular revelation? When Allah discloses that, this is where we should put our magnifying glasses on and we say subhanAllah, يُرِيدُ اللَّهُ أَن يُخَفِّفَ عَنكُمْ - that Allah wants to lighten the burden upon you.

Teaching Us How to Be Human

A lot of times when you are looking into the surah and looking into the background of it and when it was revealed and what's going on, you see a lot of rulings. You say okay, this is maybe telling us to do XYZ because we need structure, we need boundaries, when truly certain surahs - all of these different surahs are actually teaching us how to be human. If you let your animalistic side take over then you will act just like that - an animal. And so Allah is really giving us the understanding of what it means that he created us in our best form and how to actually be in your best form.

And so a lot of the rulings that we see come up in Surah An-Nisa, they're not just individual but they're actually communal. It's about how to deal with people. It's about how you are to be in your society and then how you are in your home - tyrants are tyrants inside of their home and then they go out and they tyrannize with other people. And so Allah is showing us this in these surahs.

A big part of what Surah An-Nisa came and brought forward was overturning a lot of the mindset that people had in Mecca - so pre-Islamic Arabia - no respect in regard for people's rights, no respect in regard for women, no respect in regard for inheritance, no respect in regard for individuals as a human being. And Allah obviously in all the other surahs spent a lot of time working on people's mind frame and their mindset and the spirituality aspect of it, but now it's time to put that into practice. Now it's time for you to truly have these boundaries to abide by. And the Sahaba did not flinch when they came out because the mindset was there - this is what Allah had built within the individual.

So Surah An-Nisa is such a beautiful surah that has rulings inside of it. Juz 5 has rulings inside of it, but ultimately it's really where it's the "put your money where your mouth is" moment. And Allah is saying when other people are not doing what they're supposed to be doing, when other people are not having the purest intention, it doesn't mean that you get to follow in that. You don't get to fight fire with fire. You don't get to be evil because somebody else is evil. You recognize Allah is the one who's there to help you. You recognize Allah is the one who's closest to you. If someone's closest to you and they give you rulings or they give you advice or they're there for you and they tell you something, then you listen to that. But you don't listen to the one that doesn't have the same morals, values, ethics or even mind frame that you have.

Allah Knows Your Enemies

That's a perfect pivot to our first ayah where we can go a little bit deeper as well. First 4:45:

So first of all, Allah knows who your enemies are. You don't know who your enemies are. A lot of times subhanAllah we think we know people and someone that's your enemy today could be your best friend tomorrow:

Your staunchest enemy could become your protective friend. And this happened in the life of the Prophet ﷺ. Umar radiyallahu anhu is going out to kill him ﷺ and then the Muslims are walking behind Umar radiyallahu anhu as a protector. So the enemies and the friends, they switch sometimes.

But there are also those that were hypocrites and especially in a Madani context when they went to Medina that were showing the Prophet ﷺ a smile while harboring all sorts of evil intentions. And it's sometimes very hard to see past someone who shows you that they want for you good and kindness, but they actually want for you evil.

So وَاللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ بِأَعْدَائِكُمْ - Allah knows who your enemies are. But here's the interesting thing: وَكَفَىٰ بِاللَّهِ وَلِيًّا وَكَفَىٰ بِاللَّهِ نَصِيرًا - two names of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala are here. And Allah is sufficient as a wali, as a guardian, and Allah is sufficient as a helper.

The Search for Belonging

This ayah in particular is very interesting because Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala - he starts it off by saying Allah knows - he knows best actually. He's the most knowing of who your enemies are. And I think one of the things that people, human beings, want more than anything is belonging. And so anyone that gives them a smile or a tap on the shoulder or a pat on the shoulder or a hug or shows an inch of kindness or quote-unquote compassion, a person thinks "oh this person has my best interest at heart."

You know, I'm from the south - so in Atlanta or in Georgia, we say Southern hospitality - but you could be standing next to somebody who truly actually hates you and they will say "oh, thank you so much, sweetheart." And so a person may take that - a person who's broken, a person who spends a lot of their time following their desire to try to fill that void of belonging and wanting - can take that and say "well this person cares about me and they love me and they're there for me."

And Allah is saying that just because somebody gives you this half smile or they give you this half-hearted pat on the shoulder or they pretend like they're doing something for you, it does not necessitate that that person loves you or cares for you or is your friend or your protector or will be there by your side.

I think a lot of times, especially us being Muslim and being inside of different communities and going to work and going to school and all these things, we attach ourselves to people who are not good for us. And that's the reality of it. And we create this superhero image of these people. And then when things happen in the world - things happening in Congo or things are happening around the world to our brothers and sisters, people that we have such a close relationship with even if we have not seen them but we share faith, we share humanity, we share so much with them - and we're looking at these people that we put our trust in because they were a little bit kind to us and they're silent. They're turning their face to the other side.

And now we're all of a sudden heartbroken because this individual who never was sincere - he never had your best interest at heart, but really just wanted something from you - you thought that was your best friend.

Allah as Wali and Naseer

So what's Allah saying? وَكَفَىٰ بِاللَّهِ - don't go seeking yourself in other people. مَن عَرَفَ نَفْسَهُ فَقَدْ عَرَفَ رَبَّهُ - "whoever knows themselves knows who their Lord is." The one who's وَلِيًّا - He is your protector. He's your friend. He's the one who's by your side. وَكَفَىٰ بِاللَّهِ نَصِيرًا - and know that Allah is not only your helper, but he's the one who has your back and your front. That's who's looking out for you and it's important to know that.

So I think one of the parts of this verse that really resonates with me is recognizing that when Allah put someone sincere in my life, it's because Allah is protecting me and he's helping me. But when Allah shows me someone's true colors, it's also because Allah is protecting me and he's helping me. And it's important to open my eyes and open our eyes and realize he's by your side and he's also got your front and your back.

And just quickly to capture that wali and naseer, that difference - so wali and Allah being a close guardian, being a close friend - it has the understanding of Allah is the one who's by your side. Allah is protecting you. He's looking out for you, but he's by your side, he's going with you on that journey. And then when you look at Allah as naseer, you have that Allah is the one who's championing for you and he's ahead of you.

Imagine you're on a journey - you're on a road trip and someone else is, you're following somebody in that road trip and you're following them in your car and you're going and they give you a call and they say "hey watch out, there's a lot of potholes coming up" or "there's a road closure" or "the police are up here, make a left here, go this way." That person's looking out for you. They're trying to make sure that you make it to that journey safely. And then there's your person who's in the passenger side with you. They're keeping you awake. They're keeping you safe. They're saying "this journey is long. What do you want to eat? Can I get you some water?" That is who Allah is to us but on a bigger scale in our entire life. And so Allah is using these two names together. It is making it a complete circle of how God is protecting and taking care of a person.

In the verse, there are two words that stick out to me. أَعْلَمُ is a verb and وَاللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ - and he is the most knowledgeable. And then كَفَىٰ - that's a superlative form to show that there may be people of knowledge, and as both of you mentioned, there may be people that have impacted us in our lives and have turned out to be someone that didn't look out for our best interests or something happened in their life. We totally relied on them and we were quote-unquote disappointed. But how many times is it that we were really disappointed? Because if we really thought about it, we totally put all of our trust in them when it should really only be Allah, because the nature of the human being is, as was mentioned earlier, that even if they had an intention to do something, they couldn't fulfill it. That's fine because the nature of them is that they were created weak. We can't put all of our 100% in anyone except Allah.

So when he says وَاللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ - the most knowledgeable of the enemies and those that have the intention to harm you - that's the first thing. And the second thing is وَكَفَىٰ بِاللَّهِ - and Allah is sufficient.

When we look at what's happening, as you mentioned, all around the world and knowing and seeing people - we never rely on what we see in front of us. Wholeheartedly we rely on what Allah tells us about who we see and their characteristics or characteristics in general. When you see this or these types of people, initially starting with iman, the belief in Allah - how you mentioned earlier the brothers and sisters around the world that we're closer to them because of that baseline faith - and I think that's why this verse is so profound because we always have to remember that Allah knows better than this person. If this person says something that goes against Allah's laws and legislations, Allah is the one that wants to lighten the load for me. Allah is the one that wants to make it easy for me, but he has his standards which is the deen of Islam. Therefore, when I know that, when I know about his knowledge, it's enough for me to rely on him because he is my wali and he is the one that I trust in.

Trusting Allah Through Divorce

I'm gonna touch on a sore subject and hopefully we'll still be able to stay within time, but it's a tough one, but it's directly related. You come to verse 130 in Surah An-Nisa:

But if they choose to separate, Allah will enrich both of them from his bounties, and Allah is ever bountiful, all-wise - وَاسِعًا حَكِيمًا.

This is talking about divorce. And subhanAllah, what nikah and talaq do in terms of human relationships is unbelievable. This complete stranger that you're not mahram to suddenly becomes your spouse in a moment with one word - قَبِلْتُ - and that's it. Suddenly, that's the closest person to you and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has built a sacred bond. And they talk about the honeymoon phase and they talk about the engagement phase and how close people become and falling in love and being head over heels.

And then subhanAllah a divorce comes and suddenly the other person is Firaun, the other person is Iblis. The enmity, the hatred - even if that's the mother of your child, that's the father of your child - that person becomes the devil. And that's where taqwa is so important.

Sometimes the ill treatment or the lack of fear of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that someone has once they get a divorce - either through financial abuse or through abusing with the rights of children or slandering reputation - sometimes it's not just the lack of taqwa in the sense of observing the limits of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and not accruing the sins. Even if by the way, you were initially wronged in the divorce, sometimes people in their revenge path, they transgress.

But there's another thing - sometimes there's a lack of taqwa in that there's also a lack of trust in Allah. Because sometimes the person's thinking "well, I'm never gonna get married again, so I might as well just burn it down." So this is it for me. This is the end of the road. So I'm gonna make sure it's the end of his road, the end of her road too. And I'm going to burn the carpet - make sure that I constrict and destruct in every single way.

And Allah is just saying يُغْنِ اللَّهُ كُلًّا مِّن سَعَتِهِ - Allah is going to enrich both of them from his bounty. وَكَانَ اللَّهُ وَاسِعًا حَكِيمًا - and Allah is ever-expansive and he's wise. He has the full bounty and he knows how to distribute it with wisdom and distribute it with wisdom. Sometimes that bounty that followed is for the Akhira, is in the hereafter, no doubt about it. But the point is there can be a lack of taqwa and there can be a lack of tawakkul in the way people act after a divorce when suddenly the person that you love becomes an absolute enemy.

Zooming Out to See Allah's Greatness

I think it's so interesting because of the next ayah. The next ayah Allah says:

And then he takes the individual back to the purpose of life. He literally takes you outside of your individual problem. A lot of times people think this issue that I'm going through is the worst thing possible, which is bad. It is hard. It is difficult. But then Allah shows you his greatness - and belonging to Allah is whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth.

And then he says that he has given the advice, the strict advice, the advice that you should abide by to the people who's been given scripture before you - meaning this is also a message for you. But look at what has been given to people before you in scripture - that you should fear Allah, you should have that God consciousness, you should have that awareness of God.

And part of taqwa, part of having that God consciousness, that awareness of Allah, is a combination of hope and fear. It's that fear that "I shouldn't do something." I shouldn't do evil because someone's doing something bad to me or I shouldn't do evil because I'm hurt or I shouldn't do evil because I'm sad. I should have that hope that Allah will make my situation better, that Allah will help me, that Allah will be there for me to be able to get through this.

And so it's holistic where Allah is acknowledging the emotion. He is acknowledging the difficulty. But he's saying there's good in store and you need to zoom out of you for one second to see all of that good that God has in store.

The Importance of Righteous Counsel

These verses they may need to be read with the divorce lawyers at the same time when you're signing or writing a prenup or a post-nup. As they say, marriages and inheritance - when they're distributing the money, you'll see the worst of them come out.

I think it's important - one interesting thing I was talking about children one time is you can get married to someone as you mentioned, but I don't know if you've ever experienced this - you'll be at a masjid and then a brother will give salams or reply salams to the sister and they used to be married and they had kids but now they're strangers. You just think about that - you've been married to someone, you've had children with them, but you go through a divorce and now you're strangers for each other. And that's just life. And that's why it's beautiful when you mentioned that verse and the protection that you have to have with the kids and that connection you have to have, but that person that you were once married to - make sure you try your best to do it amicably.

And I think what's important is even before marriage - young brothers and sisters, look in the mirror and look at yourselves and have that introspection, especially in this month of Ramadan. Look at what you need to work on and ask Allah - trust in him but be practical. If you need to see a therapist, if you need to reach out to a friend - for the men and women, this is very important. Because when a child comes into your life, you have a huge responsibility. And that's what I think is subhanAllah when these verses hit - it's important for us to be responsible before even getting into this chapter of our lives. May Allah protect the families out there.

SubhanAllah, truly - by the way, Allah knows your enemies, the people that try to spoil marriages, the people that get the ear of the husband, get the ear of the wife. They say "you should move on from that" - not when there's real reason, but they try to ruin people's marriages. Those that divorce or that split a husband and a wife. Your friends that tell you "take revenge" - not just your health, not your rights - revenge. "Go do this and go do that." And yes, sometimes even the lawyers - you'll see couples that will fight over a house and then they'll end up both paying the lawyers the equivalent of the house. The lawyer that tells you "do this and do this and do that" - sometimes they keep going and the system ends up taking all your money.

Good nasiha is so important to find - good advice, good people around you. It's so important to find and the filter becomes the Quran. Who's telling me something righteous? Let's get back to what the Quran deems righteous. Who's a righteous friend right now? What the Quran deems as a righteous friend.

I remember when we had the man cave show with one of the divorce lawyers - a Muslim divorce lawyer - he said that some of the lawyers will say "yes, when they get into a case, insha'Allah this will pay for our grandchildren's college." That's how much money they're raking in.

Honestly, in this fifth day of Ramadan - we're in the first ten days and this is where the momentum sometimes starts to dip because we're going into the next ten days. And so one of the things - the purpose of Ramadan is that taqwa. Allah tells us that the purpose of fasting is to build that taqwa and that overall understanding, God consciousness. So just hope that we are making those steps towards building that relationship.

Such an insightful session. May Allah bless you. We'll see you all tomorrow.