Purify Your Soul by Perfecting Modesty (Hayaa)
By Omar Suleiman | 2026-01-06T21:34:03.94553+00:00 | Topic: Purification
Purify Your Soul by Perfecting Modesty (Hayaa)
By Sh. Omar Suleiman
Opening Remarks
I don't want to shoot the mood down because, you know, I was afraid that because of the way that the talk was going, it was, masha'Allah, a very upbeat talk and, alhamdulillah, very inspiring. At the same time, may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala preserve Hafidh Wissam and may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala continue, insha'Allah ta'ala, to guide him to the straight path and to make him amongst those who call to guidance and they themselves are guided. And may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala allow us to continue to benefit from our scholars and our speakers and our instructors.
Allahumma ameen. So whenever I saw it so upbeat, I was like, man, I'm going to come and depress everybody because I've got a serious topic. I don't have a funny topic. I don't have any kind of topic that I can throw in a joke here or there. But alhamdulillah, you ended on a serious note, alhamdulillah, so I can continue from there. I'll try not to depress everyone, and I'll try to keep the topic as optimistic as possible because the topic last night was optimism is from the sunnah, right?
The Definition of Haya
So the main thing that I want to address first and foremost, because I just came to know that actually Imam Abdul Malik touched on haya yesterday, and he asked the people, what is your definition of haya? And subhanAllah, I just want to mention a statement from Imam al-Qayyim rahimahu wa ta'ala to start off this lecture.
Because Imam al-Qayyim rahimahu wa ta'ala, he had a very, very different definition to haya. Whenever he was asked what haya is, he said:
"Whoever doesn't care about halal and haram."
And some people might think, well, what's so profound about that? Because if you're speaking about haya, if you lack haya, if you lack modesty, if you lack shyness from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, you're not going to care what Shaykh gave the conservative fatwa and what Shaykh gave the one with the strongest dalil, and you're not going to care about any of that. Whenever you come and keep asking questions and saying, is this type of makeup haram? And can I email this sister without getting in trouble here? Do I have to put a CC there? Can I drop in a few smiley faces? Is it haram to poke her? Is it haram to do this? Whenever you're asking those questions, that in and of itself is a sign that you lack haya. Because the questions themselves reflect an attitude.
It reflects that deprivation. Because you're not really concerned at the end of the day about whether you're pleasing Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala or not. You're trying to find a loophole. You're trying to find a loophole. And your attitude does not reflect that you are humbled by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, that you are shy in front of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Haya is from Iman
And that's why a very profound hadith in Muslim, that once Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم passed by one of the Ansar, and that Ansari was speaking to his brother. And he was giving him a lecture on haya. I mean, he was on him about haya. And some of the sahaba were looking at him and they were saying, you know, he's being too tough on him.
You know, sometimes whenever someone is actually saying what they're supposed to be saying, when someone is actually telling it how it is, brother, don't depress him. Brother, don't put her down. Brother, calm down. You know, don't be too extreme with the sunnah right now. You know, they don't need to hear about this stuff right now. Take it easy on them.
(Bukhari 24, Muslim 36)
Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم, who was the one who taught us the perfect method of da'wah, Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم said, leave him because:
(Bukhari 24, Muslim 36)
Haya is from iman. Modesty is from faith.
And I want you to really think deep about that statement. If you don't have haya, then you will lack faith. You cannot have complete faith without having complete haya.
The Linguistic Connection
Now, some of us, what does haya also mean in the Arabic language, by the way? I'm from Louisiana. We answer questions too. What does it mean? You can't answer. You're the Arabic teacher. What does haya mean? Anyone? Life. Other than modesty, haya means life.
But there is a difference between these two words. (حَيَاء - haya) which is modesty, and (حياة - haya) which means life. But they both have the same root. And if you don't have haya, you can't have haya. If you have no modesty, you have no life. Your iman will suffer death.
And Subhanallah, think about this. If you are not shy from Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, if you are not modest, whenever you are thinking about the fact that Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala is watching you, if you don't feel that sense of shame and bashfulness in front of Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, then what's going to hold you back from doing those shameful acts that enter a person into hellfire?
And Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam made that connection whenever he said Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, in the hadith of Abu Hurairah radiyallahu ta'ala anhu:
(Bukhari 2475, Muslim 57)
An adulterer does not commit adultery while he's a believer.
At that moment, whenever he's committing zina, he's deprived of iman, he's deprived of belief. Because you cannot possibly do that thing while having belief in Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. Because if you believe in Allah, you know Allah is watching you at that moment.
And then Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam went on:
And he does not steal while he's stealing and he is a believer at that moment. He's deprived of faith at that moment.
The Example of the Thief
Imam al-Qayyim rahimahullah gave the example, or actually it was al-Fudayl ibn Ayyad rahimahullah ta'ala, that whenever a thief is entering into a house and he hears the doorknob rattle, you know, imagine someone robbing a house and he hears the doorknob rattle and he goes and he hides, he just committed shirk. Because Allah was watching him the entire time. But he wasn't ashamed of what he was doing or he did not become afraid until he heard the doorknob rattle because a human being was coming.
Three Aspects of Haya
So the very very first thing that we have to understand is that haya' first is from Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. Being shy is not just the way you dress, these are categories of haya'. Being shy is not just the way you dress, it's not just the way you interact with the opposite gender, it's not just those things.
The very first most critical ingredient is being shy from Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. Knowing that my creator is watching me right now. Whether I'm in my room and it's dark, whether I'm in front of my laptop and no one's home, whether I'm on, you know, I'm chatting with somebody and no one can see those chats except for me and that other person and the 20 other hackers on your computer that you don't feel shy from them.
Okay, whether it's this or that, I'm being watched. Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala is there watching me. So I have to feel that sense of shame and shyness from him.
1. Being Shy from Allah
And Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, in the hadith that's narrated in Abu Dawood, Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said:
(2458 Tirmidhi)
Be ashamed of Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. Be shy from Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala حَقَّ الْحَيَاءِ the way that shyness is due to him.
Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala has the greatest right for a person to be ashamed from him.
Think about the things that you would not do in front of your parents but you do in front of Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala all the time. Think about the things that you do with your friends but you would never do in front of your friends but you do them in front of Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala all the time. Allah has the greatest right upon you that you should be shy from Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala.
You should feel modesty, you should feel bashfulness. You don't just go doing every sin that you can find an excuse for no one ever told you point-blank that it's haram and you couldn't find a more liberal fatwa on it. You do things knowing that Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala is watching you so you feel shame because Allah has a greater right upon you that you should be shy from Him.
2. Being Shy from People
And then the second aspect of حَيَاء is people. Now, some people will actually be arrogant and they'll actually do things that are disobedient to Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. They'll actually do things that are shameful because they'll say, I don't want that person judging me. Who does that person think he is to judge me? So you go and you do things that are disobedient to Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. So you cannot have a lack of حياء with Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala and then have حَيَاء with people or vice versa. And whenever you experience Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, whenever you come into interaction with Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, you naturally gain a sense of حياء
And that's why Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala says:
صلاة,your connection with Allah, your prayer. If you do it on time and you do it with khushu'a, who could possibly experience that وصلاة that connection with Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, then come out of his salah and do everything that he was doing before. You're not gonna be on Gchat or Facebook chat and say, hey, hold on, I'm gonna go pray Maghrib, I'll be right back.
Allahu Akbar, alhamdulillah, no tajweed whatsoever, no nothing, no khushu'a whatsoever, it's not like I can run back to the computer, hey, sorry, I was gone, I missed you, smiley face, heart. You know, it doesn't work that way. It's not going to happen.
You have to be able to experience Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala before you can be shy from Him. So that's why, I mean, people always mock and they say, it's not all about salah, man, it's not all about prayer. It's not all about salah, but at the same time as Umar ibn al-Khattab said:
Hold on to your salah because if you lose that, you lose everything else. That's your basis. That's your connection with Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala.
If you're experiencing Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, you will not be able to do half of the things that you do if you have even an atom's worth of shyness and bashfulness inside of you. Then there's the sense of shyness from people. And whenever I go to shyness with people, first and foremost, I want to divide those two.
Shyness from the Dead and the Living
Because this is something that had a profound effect on me. The dead and the alive. Whenever people die, they don't walk in our houses, they don't sit with us, they don't come after 40 days and eat biryani or maqluba, they don't do any of that stuff.
All that is garbage, that's true. But at the same time, it is from the aqidah of Ahlus Sunnah wal Jama'ah that the people who are dead can see the actions of the living. They can see the deeds of the living.
Once you lose a parent, once you lose someone that's very beloved to you, someone that you felt a great sense of shame from, imagine now that when they are dead, they can see your deeds. And Abu Darda'a radiyallahu ta'ala, he used to say:
Oh Allah, I seek refuge in you from doing anything that would humiliate me in front of Abdullah bin Rawaha. His friend, his companion, Abdullah bin Rawaha had passed away.
Abu Darda'a, the great scholar radiyallahu ta'ala, he says, Oh Allah, I seek refuge in you from doing anything that would humiliate me in front of Abdullah bin Rawaha. So when you think of your beautiful grandmother, your beautiful parents and those types of things, guess what? You're being exposed to them right now. They can see your actions. They can see your deeds. So there is feeling a sense of shame. And the reason why I mentioned this, I know that it's uncommon. This has a profound effect, that had a profound effect on me. That's scary. If you love someone who passed away, that's scary. They can see what you're doing. They can see everything that you're doing, all of your deeds.
Shyness from the Living
And then the aspect of the living. And some of us might think, well, if I'm shy from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, then why should I be shy from people? There is no contradiction. Zayd ibn Thabit radiyallahu ta'ala, he was once walking to Salatul Fajr. Zayd ibn Thabit, one of the greatest scholars this ummah has ever seen.
And as he's walking, he was coming late to Salatul Fajr. And the people were already leaving the masjid. And he put his head down, and his face was full of redness. He was so ashamed of himself. You know, most of us Salatul Fajr, yeah, whatever. If you can get a row or two for Fajr, that's great. His face was down, and he was full of redness in his face. And he was saying:
"Whoever is not ashamed from people is not ashamed from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So whenever you don't feel a sense of shyness, a sense of shame, whenever you don't feel like there's anything wrong with posting this picture, or writing this status, or doing this, or saying, I was here, I was there, or sending... Whenever you don't feel that sense of shame, whenever you're at a university, you're at a college campus, and your parents aren't watching you, no one is there.
Whenever you don't feel it from other people, you don't feel it from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. You cannot be shy from Allah and not be shy from people. The only time that there's a contradiction whenever you're hayaa from people means that you will be disobedient to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Whenever you're shy from your iman, whenever you're shy of your belief. Otherwise hayaa is comprehensive, and it cannot be distinguished.
The "Don't Judge Me" Attitude
And at the same time, sometimes we come across this attitude which is the don't judge me attitude. Again, don't judge me attitude. Oh, I went to the masjid, and that guy was looking at me funny. So next time I go to the masjid, you know what I'm gonna wear? Not only am I going to wear a shirt that has a picture, and I'm gonna wear one, and I'm gonna put some kind of caption on it, and there's a lot of captions. You go to Walmart, and there's all these selections and stuff like that. Oh, he told me that my jeans are too tight. Next time I'm gonna wear a pink shirt, and I'm gonna have a mohawk, and I'm gonna put my earring on. He said that he didn't like my bracelet. Don't judge me attitude. Oh, she said something's wrong with my hijab. Who does she think she is to say something about my hijab? Next time I go to the masjid, next time I go this, I'm gonna wear a tighter shirt, and I'm gonna match everything. I'm gonna wear eyeshadow instead of just kohl. I'm gonna go all over the place because she can't judge me.
She doesn't know my heart. You're only kidding yourself. That is deception of shaitan 100%.
When shaitan can deceive you into thinking that by being disobedient to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and by having no shame in front of people, that somehow you're proving a point that your heart is actually with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Shaitan is the one who's whispering to you in your ear and saying, Hey, don't worry about your hijab. Don't worry about your interactions. Don't worry about this. Who cares about the music that you listen? Who cares about all that kind of stuff? You're still a good Muslim. Don't these people know what a good Muslim you are? Shaitan, the same one who's trying to lead you away from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is telling you what a great Muslim you are.
Who do these people think they are to judge you? So that attitude also doesn't fly because hayaa is comprehensive.
Two Aspects of Haya in Behavior
Finally, I want to come to two aspects of hayaa. Actually, one aspect that covers two. Because hayaa, again, reflects in your behavior, in your attitude. A woman once came to the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. This hadith is in Muslim.
And she says to the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that sometimes I have seizures. Seizures. Think about that. And whenever she has seizures, she's walking randomly in the marketplace, she's walking outside of her house, she collapses. And whenever she collapses, she says to Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam:
I become unveiled. I become exposed. So she said to the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, can you make dua to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to heal me? So Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says, if you want, I can make dua for you. And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will definitely heal you. It's gonna be okay. And he's not telling her that you're going to go to jahannam. You're just gonna be normal. You'll have to live your life like anyone else. Obviously, she's a righteous woman. You'll do good deeds, bad deeds. And then at the end, you'll have your scale measured. Or, you can be patient and you'll definitely have jannah. She has two options. Either she can be cured and she can still have a pretty good shot at going to jannah. Or she doesn't be cured but she's definitely going to enter jannah. So she says that she'll take the second one.
But listen to what she says next. She says, but ya Rasulullah, can you just make dua that whenever I do have my seizures that I am not exposed? Whenever you have that disease and that disorder, who's gonna be thinking about hijab? Who's gonna be thinking about being unveiled? You don't care. No one's gonna care about that.
Now, there's a very important detail that we often neglect here. Whenever she says (أَتَكَشَّفْ) it doesn't mean that the woman is wearing one garment and she falls and she's all of a sudden naked. Okay? Imagine the garments that they used to wear. What is she talking about? Maybe her arms, maybe her hair a little bit falls up, maybe a little bit of her leg. She's talking about the things that women expose voluntarily today. Voluntarily.
A little bit of this, a little bit of that. It's not just a debate between the hands and the face or whether the face... It's not that anymore. It's, what about my arms? What if I wear short-sleeved shirts? What if my hijab is just hanging off of the bow in the back? What if my legs are exposed? What if I've got my hinna tattoo on my ankle showing? Think about all of that.
It's the attitude. You're not really thinking about hijab. You're not really thinking about being bashful in front of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. You're just trying to find the loophole. And still everyone tries to feel good about themselves. And this is not in any way, shape or form a put down on the sisters who don't wear hijab or who are struggling with hijab.
Brothers, we don't even know what it's like for them. We don't even know what it's like. We don't have to go through half the things. You know what? It's a struggle. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala reward our sisters whenever they do anything that's close to hijab. It's a struggle just to be put out like that.
Imagine if we had to wear kufis everywhere. We wouldn't even be willing to do that. It's a struggle in and of itself. So may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala reward our sisters and preserve them. And inshaAllah ta'ala make them stronger. It's not to put anyone down.
This is just to show that once you have haya, no one can tell you that this is halal and this is haram. No one can tell you these things. You don't care about that stuff. Your heart will be your daleel. Your heart will be your guide.
A Contemporary Example - The French Girl
And I end with one story because this is a contemporary example. This example blew me away because this is not from the sahabiyat. This is not from the tabi'at. This is not from 400, 500 years ago. Three years ago or so, I don't remember how long France put the ban on hijab. I actually forgot the year that they actually did. Banning hijab in public schools.
There was a young girl 12 years old and she's French. Okay, she's actually French. And she's a muslima. And of course now all of a sudden they're prohibiting girls to go to school without their hijabs or with their hijabs. And subhanAllah al-azim, this girl does something and some of you might have seen the story that I thought was absolutely iconic. I'm not getting into the fiqh discussion or all those types of things.
If she had to do this or if she did it, if it still counts as hijab, she goes and she shaves her head. You know how hard that is? Think about that. Those of us who are out always to try to show off and show people that, you know, how good we look, brothers or sisters, because brothers dress and act like women today. It's true. All right, you stand in front of the mirror longer than girls do. All right, I'm not talking about that.
But the fact that she's still a 12-year-old girl, imagine the self-esteem, the effect of self-esteem, had the courage to shave her head and then she would dress herself all the way up to her neck. Again, don't worry about the fiqh discussions. The attitude. And go to school like that and have everyone jump on her and make fun of her and go through all of the humiliation that she did. And you know what she says? This is a quote whenever she was interviewed. She said, if being beautiful in the eyes of the Creator means being ugly in the eyes of creation, then it's worth it.
If being beautiful in the eyes of the Creator means being ugly in the eyes of all creation, then it's worth it. If I can gain haya' from Allah, be bashful and shy from Allah, I'll be shy from the people. I'll be bashful from the people. But it's comprehensive.
Conclusion
Haya' is from iman. We ask Allah SWT to grant us the gift of al-haya' and the akhlaq of our Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and not to make us amongst those who buckle to all of the pressures of society and the pressures of shaitan. We ask Allah SWT to make us strong on our iman and to grant us al-istiqamah wal-haya' Allahumma ameen.
JazakAllah khair.