Maintaining Peace at Home in Stressful Times
By Omar Suleiman | 2026-01-06T15:19:40.477142+00:00 | Topic: Relationships
Maintaining Peace at Home in Stressful Times
Virtual Khutbah with Sh. Omar Suleiman
Opening
As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
مَنْ يَهْدِ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ
وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ لَهُ الْمُلْكُ وَلَهُ الْحَمْدُ يُحْيِي وَيُمِيتُ وَهُوَ حَيٌّ لَا يَمُوتُ بِيَدِهِ الْخَيْرُ وَهُوَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ
وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ وَصَفِيُّهُ وَخَلِيلُهُ أَدَّى الْأَمَانَةَ وَبَلَغَ الرّسَالَةَ وَنَصَحَ لِلْأُمَّةِ وَكَشَفَ الْغُمَّةَ وَتَرَكَنَا عَلَى الْمَحَجَّةِ الْبَيْضَاءِ لَيْلُهَا كَنَهَارِهَا لَا يَزِيعُ عَنْهَا إِلَّا هَالِكُ
فَعَلَيْهِ أَفْضَلُ الصَّلَاةِ وَأَتَمُّ التَّسْلِيمِ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ وَمَنِ اسْتَنَّ بِسُنَّتِهِ إِلَى يَوْمِ الدِّينِ
اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْنَا مِنْهُمْ وَمِنَ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ آمِينَ يَا رَبَّ الْعَالَمِينَ
أُوصِيكُمْ وَنَفْسِي بِتَقْوَى اللَّهِ وَقَدْ أَمَرَنَا بِالْحَقِّ وَقَالَ تَعَالَى
ثُمَّ أَمَّا بَعْدُ
We begin by praising Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bearing witness that none has the right to be worshipped or unconditionally obeyed except for one and we ask our one God to send his peace and
blessings upon his final messenger Muhammad salallahu alayhi wa sallam and to send his peace and blessings upon all of his prophets and messengers that were sent before the family and companions of the Prophet peace be upon him those that follow in his blessed path until the day of judgment and we ask Allah to make us amongst them Allahumma ameen.
Introduction: Personal Struggles and Uncertainty
Dear brothers and sisters as this whole thing has been evolving the topics that have come to my mind in terms of what I should be addressing have also evolved and let me be the first to say that some of the things that I'm talking to you about I myself I'm struggling with and that is the norm and not the exception so don't feel guilty and don't feel like this is just something that speaks to you or that this is a reality that only a few are facing when there is deep uncertainty and deep tension then that has the ability to really cause us to always be on the edge and that's the case when it comes to iman right and if you think about the way Allah describes how we're on the edge when it comes to imanAllah says:
there are some people that worship Allah on an edge literally standing on the edge of a cliff okay and what that speaks to that when hardship comes to them in regards to their relationship with Allah so if something bad happens to them then they're on the edge in regards to their iman i.e. their relationship with Allah naturally when it comes to our relationships with everybody around us even if we're not physically in the same space but especially when we're physically in the same space we're even more on an edge when we're facing the hardship and when we constantly feel like our core is disrupted.
Understanding Sabr in Different Contexts
and so I want to talk about sabr in a different way and inshaAllah ta'ala I do hope that this khutbah will be beneficial again pre-duhur disclaimer which I'll constantly make inshaAllah ta'ala it's just a reflection but I really want to break down sabr and connect it to what we're going through right now and inshaAllah in a very practical way that can speak to all of our realities no matter where on the spectrum we are right now in terms of how easily we get irritated or if we're having a hard time you know balancing your minor your minor your minor irritations with your major frustrations right so you have these major uncertainties about what's going to happen regarding your health regarding finances whatever it is regarding the future and then you also have just the things that are happening on a daily basis and things that can really annoy you suddenly that did not necessarily annoy you in the past and this is not just in the capacity of marriage by the way again when you're on the edge you're on the edge and things can really get to you quite suddenly.
Three Types of Patience
so let's go through a few of these things number one a rule that Imam Al-Ghazali may Allah have mercy on him he said that patience with people is more difficult than patience with hardship and what he meant by that is you know when when something happens to you but it's an unassigned disaster I mean you can't blame that disaster on another person it's different than when someone is causing you harm okay when you can assign your hardship to a person okay so there's a difference between death by natural causes and death by murder right and that's natural right it is a natural sentiment that when it's death by murder the feeling of injustice and the recourse that is due afterwards the penalty and the recourse and all that is there is there for a reason right now Allah has written death on a person at that time regardless but when it's a person that I can point to that caused me that harm that murdered my loved one okay but there's a third category that I think applies to us right now okay and obviously that doesn't mean that the other two don't apply to each of us in different capacities but there's a third category that I think applies to most of us right now which is patience with people in the midst of an unassigned disaster okay and so I'm going through something right now I am you know hurt by whatever's happening around me in a way that I really can't understand because this is an unprecedented trial and so I'm trying to wrap my head around how this is affecting me in different ways and there are people around me okay or there are people that are going to bear the brunt of my frustration or my grief in the midst of all of that and it's not their fault which makes it so much worse right because you're hurting and then when you're hurt you're hurting others so hurting people hurt other people and when you have a situation where people are quarantined together and they're hurting in different ways then that hurt can be that much more okay.
Prophetic Guidance for Dealing with Anger
so I want us to to take a step back inshallah and to really look at prophetic guidance at the way that the prophets taught us to deal with these things and how they would specifically apply to our situations right now and so first you kind of go through the basics right the basics and this is especially true when it comes to the annoyances most of the hadith where the prophets talked about how to treat anger how to treat you know the a person's impatience or annoyance speak to things that are of a lesser degree of severity okay so for example the prophets did not tell a person who just lost a child to go make wudu the prophets did not tell someone whose family member was just murdered go make wudu right to go and do ablution to perform to wash your face to do what's necessary to cool yourself down right saying seeking refuge in Allah subhana wa ta'ala from the shaitan prophets was not saying that to people and those it's always necessary wudu is always necessary is always necessary but the prophets was not saying that when it comes to you know these these major difficulties in life it's really those annoyances that have the potential to spiral into something much worse okay so to stop it before it spirals into something much worse and he always connected it to the shaitan he always connected it to the devil.
Shaytan's Strategy with Sin
subhanAllah some of you might have seen that that image that's been going around that said this is the first year that we're locked away before the shayateen and Ramadan subhanAllah I mean usually Ramadan comes around we talk about the shayateen being locked up the shayateen being locked up the shayateen being locked up right so now we're locked up and the shayateen are locked up with us all right so they're they're still here and we're tight you know in our places and so the shaytan has a lot to work with right now and the way the shaytan deals with sin in general is the shaytan always tries to do two things with sin all right and I want you to deeply connect this to your relationship with other people because this is in regards to your relationship with Allah the shaytan tries to take a one-time sin and turn it into a sinful habit that's number one number two the shaytan tries to take a minor sin and turn it into a major sin number three the shaytan tries to take major sin and turn it into disbelief and despair all right so the first one is take a sin that a person commits for the first time Allah put barriers between you and that sin and you commit that sin and now that you've committed that sin shaytan says how about you just go ahead and keep committing it now the second one is that it's a small sin and usually a smaller sin is a portion of a major sin so for example there's the zina of the eyes the adultery of the eyes but it's not like the adultery right like the major sin of adultery okay there is ghibah you know some of the scholars of taskih of surukh and I can't remember which scholar said this but I did find it very insightful he said that a person starts with ghibah but he ends up in namima ghibah is backbiting gossip and it's dhikr to say something that's true about other people but ghibah is the gateway to namima slander right so what comes after gossip is just naturally going to be slander okay so the point is that he'll take a minor sin and turn it into a major sin and then the third thing is he'll take a major sin and turn it into disbelief and despair which means a point of no return.
Applying This to Relationships
now think about this in regards to our relationships with each other okay the way that we deal with one another all right especially those that are closest to us and those that are quarantined with us and those that are around in whatever capacity all right how do you take a one time and turn it into a habit okay so one infraction in the relationship and how do you spur that into a habitual point of dispute a habitual point of argumentation and keep people at each other's throats so that they have no peace the second one is a minor sin to a major sin right so a person starts you know there's so many different ways of this right you start to become emotionally abusive mentally abusive emotionally abusive verbally abusive it just goes and it keeps going and going until it becomes physically abusive and it's just horrific becomes a horrific cycle and then the third thing is a point of no return right so major sin to kufr in the relationship with Allah is how do I take this to a point of no return okay to make them feel like there is no way that they can come back to Allah likewise in our relationship shaytan will be the first one to suggest you know that just break it all off right turn your back on that person forget about it cut it all off cut it loose okay that's not talking about you know the very real necessary times in which some relationships do need to be suffered by the way I'm not talking about toxicity or tolerating abuse okay so please don't understand anything from this khutbah to be saying that a person should remain in an abusive situation I'm talking
about taking minor infractions and leading them into major major disputes and sins that are long-term and that puts you on a place of no return that's what the shaytan does with your relationship with Allah and that's the same playbook he's going to use in your relationship with one another.
Specific Prophetic Guidance
and as you know I was looking through all of these hadith of how the prophet salallahu alayhi deal with our minor frustrations or constant annoyances or irritations and he always mentions the shaytan always mentions the devil okay not as a and it's important because it's not blaming the shaytan to excuse bad behavior it's to empower good behavior with the understanding that shaytan will exploit your heedlessness all right so there's a difference between those two things it's not you know I'm sorry the shaytan made me do this the shaytan made me say this the shaytan I'm sorry the shaytan no no it's know that you have devils that will exploit and that will that will take advantage of the openings that you give them into your heart into your relationship with Allah and into your relationship with one another don't give them that space so here is an empowering way for you to push the shaytan out right so it's a very different mindset and approach.
The Hadith of Two Men Arguing
so let's look through these hadith and you've heard them but I want you to pay attention to the things that are common between all three of these things the hadith in Bukhari that the prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam saw two men that were abusing one another verbally so they were getting heated and as they started to get heated with their with their words with their exchange then they started to get in each other's faces their faces turned red it was about to turn into something much worse the prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam is looking at these two men fighting and he's speaking to those that are sitting with him and he says:
Bukhari 6114
I know a word that if he were to say it then that anger that he's facing would go away that anger that he's encountering that's boiling inside of him right now would go away notice the prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam did not go tell the man why because when he's already in his fit and he doesn't understand the mechanisms by which to deal with that fit then he's not going to process anything rationally at that moment shaytan is already in the driver's seat so this is a case of you know what let's just stop let a person blow off some steam cool it off and then let's talk when things are cooled off because you're not going to understand anything I have to say right now okay so the prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam did not go up to him and say hey say say I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed devil because if the prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam said that to him in the midst of that he might have responded in a way that he would eternally regret to the prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam so in the wisdom of the prophet
salallahu alayhi wasalam he's using this as a teaching moment for everybody else because that man just has to blow off his steam you need to put them apart from each other nothing's going to change right now about his habits okay just pull them apart from each other sit them down calm them down but he's not going to process the statement of the prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam right now the proof of which the proof of which is that one of the men that was sitting with the prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam when he said I know something that if he were to say it then he would you know then he would be able to do away with that anger one of the men that was sitting with the prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam said well let me go tell him right so he went to the man and he told him so the man responded he turned his anger towards him he says:
(أَثْرَانِي بِي بَأْسٌ مَجْنُونٌ أَنَا)
am I am I crazy do you think I'm crazy do you think I'm insane do you want me to go you go away you know so he he flipped out on the guy instead right so he instead of the object of his anger being the person he was already fighting now he's fighting with the other person all right and the prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam understood that wisdom so you're not going to turn someone's habits or give them the process the right processing mechanisms in the midst of their anger but again the prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam said:
seek refuge in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala from the shaitan from the accursed devil and you know some of the scholars they say that in some of the narrations the messenger salallahu alayhi wasalam said say:
(أعُوذُ بِاللهِ السَّمِيعِ الْعَلِيمِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّحِيمِ)
I seek refuge in Allah from the all-hearing and the all-knowing from the accursed devil and they said that is a better form of isti'adha a better form of seeking refuge in the midst of anger why? because you remind yourself that Allah hears and Allah knows okay so you're still achieving removing the shaitan but you're also bringing Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and reminding yourself of two core attributes in the midst of that debate or that discussion or that anger that you have and again this isn't a huge annoyance this is just in the midst of a heated argument and things get heated really really really quickly so say:
(أعوذُ بِاللهِ السَّمِيعِ الْعَلِيمِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّحِيمِ)
I seek refuge in God the all-hearing and the all-knowing from the accursed devil bring Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala into you into that scenario like that.
The Hadith About Wudu
the second thing is wudu the prophet salallahu alaihi said to do wudu every single time I've gone to any of those websites about anger management tips you'll always see something about washing the face cooling off right go wash your face take a break and the prophet salallahu alaihi wasalam he said for people to take a break and to actually do wudu so what's the connection between those two things well number one the prophet salallahu alaihi wasalam said:
(الْعَجَلَةُ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ)
Tirmidhi 2012
haste is from the devil haste is from the devil shaitan is gonna try to make you say as many damaging things as possible before you come to your senses so he's gonna hurry you up speak speak do do he wants you to act in the point of action he wants you to act in the midst of uh your your anger and so he wants you to hurry up and say as much as you want so don't say these two words you know what you're already throwing some hurtful comments go ahead and add a third one you know what would be a knockout punch right now right throw that one in there too bring this into the discussion bring this into play so shaitan's gonna try to get you to pile on as much as possible in that short period of time so that you can say as many things that contribute to his ultimate goal of no return and what did allah mention that the devil loves to to pull apart a couple and it's not just the husband from the wife or the wife from the husband it's it's it's children it's parents it's all of those things shaitan wants to make these points of no return right so what did the prophet say don't act in haste so he said if you're standing up sit down if you're sitting down lay down but just don't act be quiet don't say anything if you're that upset take a break take a break and everyone in the household should afford each other that opportunity to take a break you're really upset right now you know what go ahead and and just you know sit sit sit with yourself it's okay i understand you don't want to talk right now that's good just take a break it's better to not say anything than to say something hurtful however prolonged periods of silence and this is sort of the disclaimer prolonged periods of silence can actually be weaponized in a more harmful way than conversation that's why the prophet gave you know had limitations to those periods of silence the period of silence should not be a hurtful weapon in and of itself the period of silence should be enough to allow the shaitan to be removed from that point of anger so that you can so that you're not acting in that point of anger or saying anything in that point of anger so it's not like i'm not going to talk to you it's let me take some time give me let me just take a few moments let me take a few minutes let me take a break let me pull off to the side right so the prophet also connected that to the shaitan so he connected seeking refuge in allah from the shaitan he connected haste to the shaitan don't act in the midst of an argument or in the midst of that anger and then he even connected while you're at it do wudu too go wash up okay and particularly don't just go wash your face because it cools you down as an act of worship.
The Hadith About Fire and Water
and here's a there's a beautiful narration so there are numerous hadith that are sahih that are authentic when talking about making wudu in a place of anger this hadith which has a slight weakness in Abu Dawood but it's not a major weakness but it's very profound it adds another element to this that the prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam said:
Abu Dawood 4784
the prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam said anger is from the devil and the devil was created from fire and fire is put out with water so when one of you becomes angry then go ahead and do wudu okay go ahead and do wudu alright so perform so perform the wudu so that you can do what you have to do inshallah ta'ala in order to remove the shaitan with that washing and with that act of worship.
Three Key Principles
so there are three things now that the prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam gave and they're all connected to expelling the shaitan from our homes expelling the shaitan from our interactions now I want to bring this together in a more particular way that speaks to our current reality right now it's more important than ever to take breaks when we need to take breaks and to create space in the homes for people to be able to take those breaks okay so you know just because we're all physically you know quarantined or put into the same spaces does not mean that we can't create that room and that space for each other sometimes so that's the first thing number two talking through our feelings outside of the point of anger allows you to be able to when you're angry let me be very clear with this I talked about weaponizing silence alright so using silence to actually hurt someone alright when you actually talk about your feelings when you're not angry it allows for the other person to have a better understanding of why you don't want to talk right now okay so talk about our vulnerabilities talk about the way that we're feeling talk about why we feel this way after the anger dissipates what do you think it was that triggered that that made you think that way that put you in that situation so talk through your feelings number three worshipping together worshipping together why because you're not just trying to expel your individual shayateen you're trying to expel the shayateen of the home and what expels the shayateen of the home is worship and what expels the shayateen from your relationship is worshipping together and what expels your individual shayateen is individual worship so worship is a way of removing the shaytan so praying together when you can discussing things together having conversations that are religious and when people are having religious conversations that opens the door to have some more vulnerable conversations that are absolutely necessary right now.
The Prophet's Example in His Home
and the last thing which is super important right now okay you know one thing I learned from the prophet or I should say we learned from the prophet when we look at his life and the arguments that
happened in his home is the prophet never dismissed someone else's pain because his pain was bigger he never dismissed someone else's pain because his pain was bigger what does that mean like if you think about some of the arguments that he had in his home that upset Aisha or Safiya there's something that really is very apparent he never said I've got bigger things to worry about you're bringing this up right now this minor thing up and I'm sitting here worrying about not getting my Ummah killed so if someone is going to talk about important duties no one was more important to the people than the prophet no one was more important to the world than the prophet I've got more important things to do I don't have time for your silliness I don't have time for your argument I don't have time for what bothers you because I'm going through something much worse why is this so important right now in particular okay it's so important right now in particular because though all of us are struggling in unique ways and in different ways some of us certainly struggling more than others everyone is struggling in some way right now okay and that could be an emotional struggle a mental struggle even if you've got kids in the house they're struggling with social pain they're struggling with the uncertainty of not knowing when school is going to be back on whatever it is not seeing their friends everyone is struggling in some way right now in the house right so you might if you're the breadwinner in the house right then you're thinking about how am I going to keep you know paying the bills and that's certainly a great struggle and can cause anxiety and stress in many different ways if your parents are sick right and your spouse's parents are not sick that can cause great stress that's a unique stress if you know if you have an added duty that you did not have in the past that can cause stress if you're having problems getting structured if you still have a job and you can't work properly all of those things cause stress all of these things are causing us issues in different ways do not belittle the other person's stress in the house because you think and you might be right by the way that your stress is bigger because there's no doubt that the prophet's stress was bigger than everybody else in his home right we love our mother Aisha and this is not dismissing Aisha no Aisha was a woman of worship a woman of righteousness okay Aisha did not have the responsibilities of the prophet but still the prophet honored what disturbed Aisha by settling those things right so it wasn't just you know you talk about the sweetness of the prophet to pay attention to the minor details of drinking from the same part of the cup as her you know doing the small romantic things that attention to detail carried into times of adversity too that if Aisha was disturbed by something it wasn't the prophet never ever ever says I've got more to worry about than you or my anger or my my stress is greater than your stress how many of those arguments or disputes or those things that come up in the traditions which are narrated by Aisha to teach us about the amazingness of our prophet to teach us a standard that we can all aspire to how many of them came in the midst of battle how many of them came in the midst of persecution you know the prophet 23 years of prophethood each year has a significant amount of adversity in it right but still you never once hear the prophet say I don't have time for this right now or I am going through this and I you know I need to worry about this right now why please listen very carefully because even if your pain is bigger than the other person's pain in the house prioritizing your pain over that person's pain means you're really just prioritizing yourself over the other people in your home alright so prioritizing yourself is by prioritizing your pain and making it seem like it's
the only stress and anxiety that exists in the house so don't belittle the other person's stress don't belittle the other person's pain don't belittle what everyone else is going through in the house including the kids by the way if you got children in the home everyone's going through something right try to listen and hear what they're going through don't ever say I'm going through more than what you're going through or I've got more to worry about because those are signs of narcissism and narcissism is very satanic shaytan is the ultimate narcissist right so he's going to feed a narcissistic presence in the home as well do not say my pain is greater than yours I'm going through something that you're not going through I've got to worry about this you've got to worry about this silly thing don't do that it's not fair it's not prophetic it's not the sunnah of the messenger.
Conclusion
so yes we're all struggling in very unique ways right now ways that maybe we can't understand how the other person is struggling we don't even understand how we're struggling right now right each one of us is having to dig deeply and think how am I struggling right now how is this affecting me how is this rupturing my way of thinking right now right why am I so upset about this all of a sudden so we're trying to figure ourselves out so we're definitely not going to figure everyone else out right now okay so in the meantime may Allah subhana wa ta'ala calm all of us and those that indeed have been suffering far more than all of us our brothers and sisters that were already suffering around the world may Allah subhana wa ta'ala alleviate their pain may Allah subhana wa ta'ala remove their oppression may Allah subhana wa ta'ala replace the shayateen in our homes with malaika with angels may Allah subhana wa ta'ala replace our our hardships with ease replace our points of disputes to points of connection may Allah subhana wa ta'ala grant us sakinah and tranquility.
(جَزَاكُمُ اللهُ خَيْرًا)
to all of you for tuning in. Please pray for raka'at insha'Allah.
(وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ)