Jummah Khutbah - Forgive but should you forget Knowing when to give a Second Chance.
By Omar Suleiman | 2026-01-06T18:15:00.281+00:00 | Topic: Iman
Forgive but Should You Forget?
Knowing When to Give a Second Chance
Jummah Khutbah by Omar Suleiman
Opening
We begin by praising Allah, by bearing witness that none has the right to be worshipped or unconditionally obeyed except for Him. And we bear witness that Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم is His final messenger. We ask Allah to send His peace and blessings upon him, the messengers and prophets that came before him, the companions and his family that were with him, and those that follow him in his noble path until the day of judgment.
We ask Allah to make us amongst them. Allahumma ameen.
Introduction: The Challenge of Forgiveness
Dear brothers and sisters, when we speak about forgiveness, it's usually a very sore topic. It's hard to forgive when you are the one who has been wronged. It is hard to forgive when someone has taken advantage of you. It's hard to forgive when the person that took advantage of you perhaps is someone that was very beloved to you, or a family member, or someone that you entrusted with something, even if that was just yourself.
It is very difficult to let things go. But I'm not gonna give a khutbah about grudges. We have many khutbahs about grudges. I actually want to move to the next step, beyond the forgiveness piece.
The Divine Command to Forgive
We often hear about how praiseworthy it is to forgive people, and to let grudges go. Allah says:
"Let them forgive and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you?"
So the principle that we live by is that you treat others as you want to be treated by Allah. If you want Allah to forgive you, then you forgive others. And that should be enough of a motivation, even if the person that you're forgiving does not appear to be deserving of that forgiveness in any way whatsoever. You want that higher forgiveness from Allah. You want that mercy, so you show that mercy.
Beyond Forgiveness: The Question of Second Chances
But there is another element to it. What does forgiveness entail? And how do I deal with that person after I've forgiven them?
Sins Between You and Allah
You know, when we talk about a person's sins, and there are sins that are between them and Allah, the door is always open to Allah. Meaning if a person's offense only involves them harming themselves, then it's between them and Allah. And the opportunities for (تَوْبَة - tawbah) are limitless, literally limitless.
A man comes to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and tells him, if I drink alcohol and then I seek forgiveness from Allah, will I be forgiven? And the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said if his repentance was sincere, yes.
He said, but what if I became weak again? I didn't intend to go back to it, but I went back to it. I fell into it again. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said then a sin will be written for you.
He said, but then I feel bad about it, and I seek Allah's forgiveness again. And the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, if your forgiveness was sincere, and part of the sincerity of that repentance is that you will not return to it. You actually believe you have that resolve that I will not go back to that sin, Allah will forgive you.
But then if I go back to it again, and he did this with the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم up to eight times in one narration, and the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم told him, Allah will forgive you. And he said:
"Allah will not tire from forgiving you until you tire from seeking His forgiveness."
Allah does not become tired of granting you forgiveness until you get sick of seeking it.
When Sins Involve Others
So if the sin is between you and Allah, it's one thing. But what happens when your sins involve other people? That's where it becomes tricky and more dangerous because Allah does not remove the rights of people because He chose to forgive someone. Allah will not wrong the one who has been wronged again by not giving that person justice.
So if that person chooses not to forgive when they are wronged, that's between you and that person. Allah will not remove that person's right. Allah might forgive you, but that person, you also have to seek their forgiveness and give them back their rights.
Lessons from the Seerah: Two Contrasting Stories
What happens though beyond that? And I wanna share with you all some interesting incidents from the seerah of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. And the point of this is to actually develop a methodology from the sunnah of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم because for many people, when they are wronged, they might forgive, and they might truly forgive, but they don't know whether forgiveness means extending a second chance.
Story 1: Hatib ibn Abi Balta'a - Forgiveness Given
The first narration is a famous narration from Ali ibn Abu Talib رضي الله عنه . He says that before the conquest of Mecca, before the Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم returned to Mecca as a victor, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم had that opportunity to be victorious now, to reclaim the land that he was run out of. He and the companions that were persecuted and run out of Mecca.
And he's coming in صلى الله عليه وسلمcompletely victorious with everyone at his mercy. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم called Ali رضي الله عنه and he told Ali, go and call al-Zubayr ibn al-Awwam رضي الله عنه. These were two of the strongest companions of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلمthe most able صلى الله عليه وسلم companions of the Prophet.
And he called them both to him, and Ali says, we're both on our horses. And the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, make your way to Mecca, and when you get to such and such place, you're going to find a woman and she's going to have with her a camel that looks like this.
So the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم described the woman and he described the camel. He said, when you get to her, tell her to give you the letter that is with her, because Hatib ibn Abi Balta'a) sent a letter to the (مشركين - mushrikeen) in Mecca informing them of our plans. And he sent it with this woman.
Meaning Hatib was putting the entire ummah at risk by sending a letter with this woman. So the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said go to her and make sure that you get that letter.
So Ali and al-Zubayr, they made their way to that place on their horses and they found that woman on her camel. And Ali رضي الله عنه said her description was exactly as the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said. The camel was the same description. The place was exactly the same.
So they asked her, they said, give us the letter. The woman said, I don't know what you're talking about. So Ali رضي الله عنه said give us the letter or else we're going to have to search you for it.
So she said, I don't have a letter. So Ali told her to get down from her camel. They searched everything on the camel first to see if the letter was hidden in one of the compartments or the pouches.
And Ali رضي الله عنه said that we came up with nothing. So he said, I said to the woman again, give me the letter. And she said, I don't know what you're talking about.
So he and al-Zubayr looked at each other. And Ali رضي الله عنه says that I said to al-Zubayr, we know that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is not lying. We are 100% sure that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is not lying.
So Ali رضي الله عنه said to her look, if you don't give me the letter, then I'm going to have to search you. And I don't want to have to do that. So finally Ali رضي الله عنه says that she reached into her garment and she pulled out the letter and she handed it back to al-Zubayr رضي الله عنه
So they made their way back to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and Ali رضي الله عنه says the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was sitting with his companions and we handed the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم the letter and Hatib was present.
Hatib did not know that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم knew about the letter. So he was in this gathering with the companions. So you can imagine how stressful this is going to be when he sees the صلى الله عليه وسلم letter being handed to the Prophet
And when the letter was handed to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and he read it, they said:
"O Messenger of Allah, he betrayed Allah and his Messenger and the believers. So let us execute him. This is treason."
The guy just put us all at risk. He sent this letter and he put us all at risk. If it would have reached them with the plans, they would have gotten us all in trouble.
The Prophet's Response to Hatib
So the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم looked at Hatib and you can imagine Hatib, it would be justified to execute him. He knows he committed treason. He knows the letter is his. He has no way out of this.
So the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said to Hatib:
"O Hatib, why did you do what you did?"
He's not saying it to him صلى الله عليه وسلم by means of interrogation. He's saying it to him, why would you do this? You're a believer. The Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم knows the hypocrites amongst the
believers. And he knows that Hatib is not one of them. Why would you do this?
So Hatib says:
"Ya Rasulullah, don't be hasty with me. By Allah, I believe in Allah and His Messenger. I am not a hypocrite."
"I am a believer. I truly do believe in Allah and His Messenger. But I have no one to protect me and my family and my possessions if things go wrong in Mecca. All of these (مهاجرين - muhajireen) have their tribesmen. They have someone to protect them. If things were to go wrong, they would at the end of the day be at the mercy of their tribes.
Maybe they wouldn't be executed. Maybe things would be let go. Maybe things would be forgiven. But I on the other hand, if we ended up in Mecca and this operation of returning to Mecca did not go well, then I would be in trouble. I would have no one to protect me."
The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم,imagine the incident. And everyone is like, ya whatever, right? The :says صلى الله عليه وسلم Prophet
"He told the truth. Don't even say anything to him except for good words."
Now this shocked the companions because Hatib committed a grave offense here. This is treason. And the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم says,listen, he told the truth. He's sincere. He made a mistake. Don't use bad words with him. He's not going to be punished.
رضي الله عنه Ali رضي الله عنه forgive him. Umar ibn al-Khattab صلى الله عليه وسلم And the ProphetAz-Zubayr رضي الله عنه all of these companions start to say, Ya Rasulullah, the man just put us all in danger.
:he said رضي الله عنه says to Umar صلى الله عليه وسلم And the Prophet
"Isn't he one of those that fought alongside us in the battle of Badr? Wasn't he there with us in Badr?"
:says صلى الله عليه وسلم And the Prophet
"You don't know, but maybe Allah looked at the people of Badr, the veterans of Badr, and said to them, do whatever you want. I have forgiven you for everything." (Bukhari 3983)
So this man belongs to the veterans of Badr. He is not some hypocrite that showed up and made excuses. He's a man that fought alongside us in Badr. And Allah may have looked at the people of Badr and said that you all are forgiven for everything.
Because there is no way a hypocrite would be present in Badr, what was supposed to be a massacre of the Muslims. So Allah forgave them all.
So Umar (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) he started to cry and he said:
"Allah and His Messenger know best."
In this situation, the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) forgave him. He let it go. He did not hold him accountable.
Story 2: Abu Ghurra - No Second Chance
Now here's the thing, there are other incidents where the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) dealt with people differently. And I want us to actually contrast these two incidents.
In another narration, there is a man who fought against the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) in the battle of Badr by the name of (أَبُو غُرّة) (Abu Ghurra). Abu Ghurra was a poet, as well as a warrior.
And we know that the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) did not want to harm the captives of Badr. He let them go free. Some of them, he told them, if you teach 10 people how to read, you go free. Some of them, he said, just pay your way out. Some of them, their family members came and asked for them and the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) showed mercy.
So the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) dealt with supreme mercy with the prisoners of Badr, even though they came with wine bottles to celebrate over the corpses of the believers.
So here is the scenario. Abu Ghurra is in front of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) as a captive on the day of Badr and he says, O Messenger of Allah, he said that, I was forced to come out, let me go, I will never fight you again.
Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said, do you promise to never fight against us again? Abu Ghurra said, yes.
The Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) let him go. Abu Ghurra once again was present on the day of Uhud fighting against the believers. So the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) captured him.
He was in front of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). He said, O Messenger of Allah, I will never fight you again. He thought the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) was going to do what he did in Badr.
And the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said:
(Bukhari 6133)
"The believer is not stung in the same hole twice."
So he was executed.
Reconciling the Two Approaches: A Methodology from the Sunnah
These two incidents are very interesting because you have one person who the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) again he is acting as a head of state, he has to act in the interest of the people, in the interest of his followers as well.
One man the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) lets go. The other one the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) let him go as well. But the second time the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) rightfully punished him.
He came to Medina to fight and to kill people. And very likely if it was the battle of Uhud he did kill people. Two times fighting against the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). The second time the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) sets a methodology for the believers and says a believer does not allow himself to be stung in the same hole twice.
Mercy vs. Naivety
Meaning being merciful is different from being naive. Do not expose yourself to be taken advantage of. That's not how a believer is supposed to function.
And a lot of times when we just take one incident from the Seerah of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) we say, mashallah, mercy. And yes, mercy. But his mercy did not limit him (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) to put everybody else at risk.
Because if he would have said to him, you know what, go free. He would have been there in (الخندق) (khandaq) too. Clearly there is a pattern here. He's demonstrated a behavior that he's going to continue to hurt us. And the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) dealt with him in regards to that.
Key Factors to Consider
So how do we reconcile between these two incidents and what are some lessons we can take for ourselves from the Seerah of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ)
Number one: Was Hatib a threat to the community and would the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) have forgiven a second offense? The Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) here at this point Hatib is dealing with the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) in different circumstances. They are in a position where they are the overwhelming majority. Where literally the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) could march into Mecca and not
kill anybody. And still Mecca would come under his authority (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) and he could forgive the people and all of that.
So Hatib represents a different threat level. And would the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) have forgiven him a second time? (اللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ) (Allah knows best).
The second thing: Obviously we don't have access to the intuition or the revelation of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) Clearly we are not him and he could see who is sincere and who is playing games and who is lying and so on so forth. Who is playing a game of deception.
Practical Applications for Our Lives
So how do we bring this now to our level when I am in a situation where I have been hurt and I've been asked to forgive and I've been asked to let something go?
The Difference Between Forgiving and Forgetting
There is a difference between forgiving and forgetting. There is a saying in the Bible which is very profound actually that Isa (عَلَيْهِ السَّلامُ), that Jesus (عَلَيْهِ السَّلامُ) said:
"Be shrewd as snakes but innocent as doves."
A person has to be smart, but a person should not be evil as they have been taken advantage of by evil.
So if I'm in a relationship and I've been abused, by extending a hand of forgiveness, that's one thing to say, you know what? I forgive you and I'll let things go and I won't hold you accountable. But it's another thing to say, you know what? Here's a second chance. Here's a third chance. Here's a fourth chance. By which I put myself at risk and even worse than that, I have to ask myself, by forgiving, by forgetting about something, by extending a second chance.
Because forgiveness is a given. The believer should try to always clean their hearts. Because the more you occupy your heart with a grudge, the less you'll be able to occupy it with the love of Allah (جَلَّ جَلالُهُ) and to spiritually elevate yourself.
Questions to Ask Yourself
That's a given. But by extending a second chance:
Number one: Do I put myself at risk for a second time? The Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said:
"The believer does not harm nor does he reciprocate harm." (Ibn Majah 2341)
I should not be naive and put myself at risk a second time.
The second thing: Am I putting others at risk by extending a second chance? So you might want good for someone and you might want someone to seek forgiveness from Allah (جَلَّ جَلالُهُ) and you don't want them to be punished in hellfire. You don't want them to meet Allah (جَلَّ جَلالُهُ) as justice on the day of judgment. But at the same time, you also don't want to put people in harm's way.
Real-Life Examples
So for example, if there's someone that's a crook, that's scamming people, right? And he scammed me in a business deal. And he went from being brother, mashallah, to being brother, (أَسْتَغْفِرُ الله) (astaghfirullah), very quickly. Started off nicely, I thought this was gonna be great and then you know what? I was taken advantage of.
By me forgiving that brother and then I see that brother going into business deals with other people and not telling them, I'm also putting them in harm's way. And that's not the sunnah of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ)
We had a messenger (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) that used to warn actively about people that could harm others. He showed us (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) an example when a woman came to him (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) and asked, you know, about a particular man.
Actually she asked about two men and the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said, well, this guy always carries a stick on his shoulder and the other guy is stingy. He didn't want to put the woman in harm's way. It wasn't like, well, I really like that guy. I really love that brother. So I don't want to turn away this potential spouse from him. No, I love that brother but that's my sister too. I care about her as well. I don't want her to be in harm's way. I don't want her to find herself in that situation.
Responsibility to Protect Others
So I might forgive a person but at the same time I have a responsibility to others. I have a responsibility. In some situations, you know, an abusive household, I have a responsibility to my kids.
If someone has exhibited a behavior of abuse and I let that go, I can forgive but if I let that go and I don't make sure there are checks and accountability, I'm putting my kids in danger too. I'm putting people in danger as well.
In the case of infidelity, I know that a lot of people don't want to hear this but there's a difference between a person that committed an offense in a time of weakness and I forgive them and a person who has a pattern of behavior.
The Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said:
"The believer is not stung in the same hole twice."
The Quranic Distinction: Seeking Forgiveness Before vs. After Being Caught
We also learn from him (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) this is very powerful. Actually in the Quran, very powerful the way the sahaba applied this ayah.
Allah mentions to us that there is a difference between a person who seeks forgiveness before they are caught and a person who gets caught and then ask for forgiveness. There's a difference.
"Those who come forth before you have them in your grip."
There's a difference. A person came to a recognition that they were causing harm, that I messed up, and then they come and they seek forgiveness. That's different from a person that is caught.
Because in the first case, you can trust that that person at least a little bit more is seeking that forgiveness from Allah and from the people that they may have harmed.
Being Human: The Example of Wahshi ibn Harb
So we have a methodology here that we take from the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). And you know what? We're human. And the Messenger (عَلَيْهِ الصَّلاةُ وَالسَّلامُ) though he was the most perfect human being, he still showed us how to be human.
Someone might come to me and say, you know, someone harmed me and I forgive them, but I don't want to be their friend anymore. Do I have to be their friend? Like, do we have to go back to the way it was? I forgive them. I don't hold any grudge against them. May Allah forgive them.
But you know what? I don't want to be Yusuf. I'm not (يُوسُف عَلَيْهِ السَّلام) (Yusuf alayhi salam). Do I have to be Yusuf alayhi salam? Or can I say, you know what? You're forgiven, but at the same time, I don't want to hang out with you anymore. I don't want to be your friend anymore.
I don't want to associate with you. (السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ) (Assalamu alaykum). I'll see you. I'll smile at you. It's all good. I'm not going to hate you. I'm not going to make dua against you. I'm not going to pursue you. But I don't want to be your friend anymore.
The Prophet's Example with Wahshi
Even the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) gives us precedent for that. Yes. رَحْمَةً لِّلْعَالَمِينَ (Quran 21:107) "A mercy to the world."
When وَحْشِيٌّ بْنُ حَرْبٍ )Wahshi ibn Harb), who killed حَمْزَة رَضِيَ اللهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهُ )Hamza radiyallahu ta'ala anhu), the uncle of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, who was the same age as the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, who was the brother of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, he was breastfed from the same woman. He was so close to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم that some of the ulama came later on. They said, if there was one person that would have been able to rival Abu Bakr رضي الله عنه for the khilafah, it would have been Hamza.
We don't even know Hamza's history post Uhud because it didn't exist. But imagine if Hamza was there. Hamza, the first powerful man to accept Islam alongside the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم
So Wahshi, who struck Hamza رضي الله عنه caused the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم to cry like he never cried before. Mutilated Hamza. Wahshi repented and became Muslim.
The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said أَغْرُبْ عَنْ وَجْهِي "uh-uh, not for you." He didn't say, not for you, I can't forgive you. But the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم had a difficult time being in Wahshi's company.
He saw Wahshi's face and he remembered Wahshi throwing the spear at Hamza رضي الله عنه. And the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم did not tell Wahshi, you are not forgiven. You are forgiven. You are a Muslim. You are a brother. You are a sahabi.
What more do you want than that? But you know what? Wahshi doesn't have to be Abu Bakr. He got that صلى الله عليه وسلم and he conveyed that to us. That's not a requirement from the person.
Conclusion: The Balance of Mercy and Wisdom
Too often we place too much on the aggrieved. Too much on the oppressed. Instead of solving the problems of oppression at a micro and a macro level. We always tell people to be the bigger people. But we don't stop the causes of wrongdoing and oppression in our community. That's not sunnah.
That is not the sunnah of our Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. Do not cherry pick from his seerah and go to another extreme in talking about him. And I mentioned the quote from Jesus peace be upon him in the Bible.
If it is indeed his quote. But you can't cherry pick any of these books. You have to take it for what it is. That we also have to be smart for ourselves, for our communities, for our families, for our children. And we have to make sure that we show mercy to even the future generations by rooting out the causes of dhulm) ظلم( and the causes of oppression and wrongdoing.
Closing Duas
"O Allah, do not place in our hearts any ill-feeling towards those who have believed. Our Lord, indeed You are Kind and Merciful."
"O Allah, remove from our hearts all hatred and malice, and protect us and our families from being oppressed or oppressing."
"O Allah, use us to support the oppressed and remove injustice from Your servants."
"Our Lord, give us good in this world and good in the Hereafter and protect us from the punishment of the Fire."
"May Allah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and all his companions."
May Allah never allow our hearts to be filled with grudges or with hatred. May Allah remove any hatred and grudges from our heart. May Allah protect us and our families from being taken advantage of or being oppressed. And may Allah protect us from oppressing others.
And may Allah use us, use us to alleviate the wrongdoing or to alleviate and protect those who are being wronged by others.