Gratitude - Endless Devotion

The Example of Rasulullah ﷺ

Now let's break it down to the life of Muhammad (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) is the ideal example of a person who is gracious.

Not just in the sense of his everyday demeanor. We obviously know from the aspect of ibadah to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى) worship to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى). He's constantly thanking Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى)

But not just from that aspect. When do you hear about Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) complaining about his clothes, or complaining about his food, or complaining about some situation? He never complained. So he was a very grateful person and a very gracious person in his character (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ)

But I want to talk about specifically the way Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) dealt with the important people in his life.

1. Gratitude Between Husband and Wife

The Example of Khadijah رضي الله عنها

There was probably no human being who did more for Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) without complaining more than Khadijah (رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهَا). Khadijah (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا) is just that special. And she's so special that Allah (جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) sends Jibreel (عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ)

Look at Khadijah (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا). She was so wealthy that she could sponsor the entire household. She was literally at one point the only financial source of the da'wah of Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). She had everything. And at the same time, she had noble status.

Think about the human aspect of this. All of a sudden, Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) starts his call. And as a dignified woman who was 15 years elder to her husband, she loses her noble status in the sense that now they're looked at as the low people of society. They're about to go through boycott. All of their money is gone. All of their wealth is gone. All the headache that comes, the emotional headache that comes when your husband comes home bruised up and with marks on him. Having to be there for Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ)

Think about the human aspect of this. The human drain that must have come upon Khadijah (رضي الله تَعَالَى عَنْهَا). She never complained. Even to the point that she died of malnutrition because of the boycott that came as a result of the da'wah of Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). She never complained.

The Prophet's Loyalty to Khadijah

And there was no person that Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) appreciated more than her. Anytime she was mentioned, Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ)'s face would completely change. Anytime Rasulullah (صلّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) got some food in his house or some gifts, he would constantly send to her friends just out of his remembrance of her.

Look at the loyalty of Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) to her. And it was even to the point that whenever her sister Halah would come and call upon Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ), Aisha (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهَا) describes the scene. Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) automatically, if he's reclining, he jumps up. He gets up right away. And he says:

"O Allah, it's Halah! O Allah, it's Halah!"

He used to remember the voice of Khadijah (رَضِيَ اللهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهَا) through the voice of Halah.

Aisha's Jealousy

And Aisha (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا) describes it from her perspective:

"I was never jealous over any of the wives of Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) the way that I was jealous of Khadijah, and I never saw her before."

(سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ) I never met her before. But I was more jealous of her than any of the wives of Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ)

So one day she decided to test the Messenger (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). And Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) was remembering Khadijah (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا). So Aisha (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا) says:

"Wasn't she just an old woman that Allah (جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) gave you better than her?"

She pushed the wrong button. Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) the hair on his head stood up. Think about how angry he was. His face turned red. And he... Now at this point, Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) really cannot benefit much from a marital perspective by talking about the dead wife. If anything, he's to convince the alive wife that "I don't care about her anymore."

But look at the loyalty of Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). He says:

"By Allah, Allah did not give me better than her."

And Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) starts to mention her favors:

"She believed in me when people disbelieved in me."

"She believed me when other people called me a liar."

"She spent on me when other people refused to spend on me."

"And Allah (جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) blessed me with children through her and He did not give me children through any other woman."

I want you to think about this, dear brothers and sisters. This brings me to my first point because we're gonna categorize this.

Message to Brothers

شكر - gratitude between husband and wife. Specifically speaking, and I specifically want to emphasize the last portion: that Allah (جَلّ جلالة) blessed me with children through her and He did not bless me with children through anyone else. First and foremost, this is to the brothers.

You know, we have to think about this. Allah (جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) gives you this wife. And this woman gives birth to your children. She gives you a piece of you. And you still have the nerve to abuse her either mentally or physically. (سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ) or emotionally.

And it's interesting (سُبْحَانَ اللهِ) because Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) mentions this favor specifically. And this was not just something that Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) mentioned and the sahaba did not take it seriously.

Umar - (رضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) a man once comes to him and says, "You know, I think I wanna divorce my wife." Umar (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) says, "Why?" He says, "She's just not attractive to me anymore."

You know what Umar (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) says? (فَأَيْنَ الرِّعَايَةُ ؟) - "Where's your courtesy? Where's your courtesy?" Meaning what? Allah (جَلٌ جَلَالُهُ) gives you children through this woman.

This is the woman that takes all of your garbage when you go home and you just vent out because of whatever you had at work. And then you still have the nerve to be rude to this person and to deny that this person had a huge part in your life. This is not from the sunnah of the Messenger (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). You have to recognize that.

Message to Sisters

Now I can shift my attention to the sisters. Brothers, ignore everything that I'm about to say. And I hope that no one uses these things against each other.

But Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) also mentioned it on the other side. Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) once when he was admonishing the women, Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said: "Verily they disbelieve." Now, again, the word (كفر)

And Islam is balance. So the male Sahaba say to Rasulullah (صلّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ): "Ya Rasulullah, are our women (كُفّار)? Are our women (كُفّار)?" Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) says: "No."

They disbelieve in the good that you do towards them. Meaning what? And this is the exact example that Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said that sometimes, and this happens a lot between husband and wife - I'm not saying it's everybody, please - but think about this. Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said that you would do so much good, and then one mistake, and the answer is: "I've never seen any good from you."

Sometimes women use this as a tactic against men. I know because I'm the imam in my community, and I've seen this many times. "You've never done this for me. You've never done that for me. You've never done that." I hear the word "never." I mean, from the sisters in my community, more than anything else.

I'm like, "Come on, never? Never?" So you would deny everything because of one misstep. And unfortunately what that does is that fuels the other side, and then that's where shaitan works his magic.

So it's also important for the sisters: sometimes men are, sometimes we're idiots. Sometimes we mess up. And it's important from the sisters not to deny every good thing that the husband does based upon this one mistake, and say: "I've never seen any good from you. You've never treated me well. You've never taken me out. You've never..."

(يَكْفُرْنَ الْعَشِيرَ) - the word "never." Very, very, very important. So to keep this in mind from both sides.

To be grateful to one another as husband and wife is crucial. And we see it from Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) the perfect balance in that regard.

2. Gratitude to Friends and Companions

The Example of Abu Bakr رضي الله عنه

The second thing is generally speaking. When someone has done something for you - a friend, a brother, a sister, a companion. Someone was there for you, more than anyone else.

I want you to imagine the scene with Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). Who is the most beloved person to Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ)? Aisha (رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهَا). Who next? Abu Bakr as-Siddiq (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهُ). Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) loved Abu Bakr (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) so much.

And this is an incident that happened between Abu Bakr as-Siddiq (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) and Umar (رَضِيَ اللهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهُ). And they had an argument. And Abu Bakr hurt Umar. He said something wrong to Umar. And Umar (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) became upset from Abu Bakr.

Now listen to the story. Abu Bakr was in the wrong. Umar was in the right. But Umar (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) went to his house. Abu Bakr sought forgiveness. Umar said, "I don't want to forgive you." He didn't want to hear it. He was upset at that time.

Abu Bakr as-Siddiq (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) went to Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) to say to Rasulullah (صَلَّى الله عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) - not to complain about Umar (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) - to say: "Ya Rasulullah, I wronged Umar. And I'm trying to get him to forgive me." And he's seeking advice from the Messenger (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ)

While he's seeking advice from the Messenger (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) what happens? Here comes Umar. Umar (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) is coming to tell Abu Bakr (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) that he forgives him.

While he's coming and Abu Bakr as-Siddiq is talking to Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ), Rasulullah (صلّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) looks at Umar (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) and his face becomes red. He's so angry.

And Abu Bakr knows Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). So he falls on his knees and he says to Rasulullah (صصَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ): "Ya Rasulullah, I was the one who wronged him. I was the one who wronged him. Don't blame him."

And Umar (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) is coming to apologize to Abu Bakr as-Siddiq (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ). And listen to the loyalty again from Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ)

Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) says to Umar (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) that when I came with this message, all of you called me a liar except for Abu Bakr. All of you called me a liar except for Abu Bakr.

"Are you going to leave my companion alone? Are you going to leave my companion alone?"

He said it to Umar (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) three times: "Are you going to leave my companion alone?" (سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ)

He never forgot Abu Bakr as-Siddiq (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ). And in fact, even at the time of his death, when his death is approaching, and the sahaba had their gates to the masjid, and Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) says: "Relieve me of all of these gates, close all these gates to the masjid except for the gate of Abu Bakr. Anyone who has done anything for us, we have repaid him except for Abu Bakr. We were never able to repay him."

Look at the loyalty. (سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ)

We tend to forget the people who helped us in our times of need.

I'm not talking about specifically your parents or your husband or your wife right now. Generally speaking, there were brothers who were there for you, there were sisters who were there for you.

At least have the decency to constantly call them and check up on them. Show them that you appreciate when they were there for you. It's not that once you get up on your feet, once you're established in all these types of things, you forget what they've done for you.

Being grateful to the people that helped you in your times of need, the people that supported you emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, when no one else was willing to support you. This was the character of Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam)

The Story of Shayma bint al-Harith

I'll mention one more story. Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) in the battle of Ta'if, he sees a woman coming towards him from the prisoners of Ta'if. And this woman comes to Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) and she says: "I am your sister, through breastfeeding. I am your foster sister." And Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) is astonished.

And she shows Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) the bite marks of Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) on her back when Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) was a child. Who is this woman? Shayma bint al-Harith (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا - radi Allahu anha), the daughter of Halima as-Sa'diyya.

And Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) is so humbled by this experience, he takes off his garments and he lays it on the ground. And he offers her to sit on it. And he goes and he starts, and he rushes to get camels for her, and horses, and things to give her.

And Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) says: "If you want, then you could stay with me and you will be honored and dignified. Or you can be sent back to your people and you'll be honored and dignified. Whatever you want, command me. Whatever you want from me."

Think about this - this is a statesman, Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam). And this is now a woman who is a prisoner. And look at the way Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) is treating her. Remember those who remembered you.

3. Gratitude to Parents

Now specifically speaking, who are the people that have done most for us and we don't appreciate it? Who? Our parents. There is no substitute for them. No substitute for what our parents have done for us.

And I want you to think about this. Allah (جَلٌ جَلَالُهُ - jalla jalaluhu) says:

"My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims."

Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subhanahu wa ta'ala) says in this ayah - listen to it. And We have commanded who? Not the believer. We have commanded (الإنسان - al-insan) - Al-Insan:

We have commanded Al-Insan - and (الإنسان - al-insan) is named Al-Insan except for his forgetfulness. We have reminded this forgetful creation. We have entrusted him with his parents to treat them with excellent conduct.

"His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship."

Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subhanahu wa ta'ala) describes the struggle of the mother in different ways in the Quran (سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ - subhanAllah). His mother held him in pain. She conceived him in pain. She delivered him in pain.

"And his carrying [in the womb] and his weaning is thirty months."

His pregnancy and the breastfeeding period went through for 30 months. Until he reaches maturity and he reaches 40 years old. Then what happens when he gets mature? He figures it out. And he says:

"Oh Allah, give me the opportunity, give me the effort to be grateful to you for your blessing and because of my parents."

"And to do good deeds that you will be pleased with. And now what's he thinking of? And bless me with my children, with my own offspring."

And you repent to Allah (جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ - jalla jalaluhu). And you declare that you're one of the Muslims.

What is so amazing about this? There is no human being who has done more for you than your mother.

The Story of Juraish

Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) tells us about the story of Juraish, who used to pray all the time - (عابد - 'abid) - who used to always just worship Allah (جَلٌ جَلالة - jalla jalaluhu) And his mother would call upon him to do things for her. And he would say: "I'm busy in my worship." And he kept on answering: "I'm busy in my worship."

And his mother says to him: "I hope you don't die until you meet (الْبَغِيّة - al-baghiyya) - until you meet the prostitute." And he didn't understand that at that point.

But what does Allah (جَلٌ جَلالة - jalla jalaluhu) do? Allah (جَلّ جلالة - jalla jalaluhu) sends a prostitute with a child. And she says: "He's the father." Think about that. Because he was busy with his ibadah and he wasn't answering his mother to go feed the chickens.

Think about that. It sounds silly. But here's the thing: When you called upon your mother as a child because you needed to be fed, did she ever say no? No. Did she ever say: "I'm busy doing my salah?" Never. It didn't happen.

The Example of Zayn al-Abidin

Zayn al-Abidin Ali ibn Hussain (عَلَيْهِ السَّلامُ - alayhis-salam) the great-grandson of Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) he had a beautiful example. When he used to eat with his mother, and his mother would be eating from the same plate as him, he would refuse to eat until she finished eating.

And she would say: "Oh my son, why aren't you eating?" And he says: "I'm afraid that I would look at something, that I would eat something that you had your eye on. I don't want to eat something that you were looking at and deprive you of that food."

Why? Because when you were a child, if your mother has a slice of pizza and she's had nothing to eat for the entire day - she's starving - and this slice of pizza gets presented, and this little baby comes - and this little baby has been eating all day, right and left: cookies, chips, everything that you can possibly imagine, paper towels and sand off of the beach, everything that came in his hand or her hand - and then you're about to take a bite of that pizza, and then the baby goes: "Mama?" What's going to happen? She's going to take a piece and she's going to put it in the baby. She's going to feed the baby. She never would have responded with no.

The Man Who Carried His Mother for Hajj

And when the man comes to Abdullah ibn Umar (رضي اللَّهُ عَنْهُ - radi Allahu anhu) - and some say it's authentic to Abdullah ibn Umar, some say it's (مرفوع - marfu') to Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) - and he says: "Ya Rasulullah, I carried my mother on my back for the entire Hajj." This is before you had the cool tiles and you had the AC and you had the Mecca Hilton. This is before all of that. This is when it was so hot...

And he says: "Ya Rasulullah, I carried my mother on my back for the entire Hajj. Have I repaid her?"

What was the answer of Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam)?

"Not even with a single cry that she had in labor."

She carried you for nine months. You carried her for one Hajj. And you think it's over (سُبْحَانَ اللهِ - subhanAllah). We are so ungrateful to our mothers.

Marriage and Parents

In the time of marriage - and this is something that I know it's a controversial topic, it needs a lot of explanation and it needs a lot of elaboration. Everything is balanced. Please, we're talking about it from one perspective now.

Brother A and sister B want to get married. They already formed the relationship outside of the marriage. And then they come to their parents and they say: "Mom, dad, I want that person." And the mom has a legitimate excuse, or the mom just doesn't feel too comfortable. And you say: "Mom, I don't care what you say. I'm a grown man, I'm gonna marry her anyway."

You're willing to sacrifice a relationship that started with your existence in this dunya for 25, 30 years for a person that you just met the other day through MSA or through Facebook or whatever it is. You're willing to get rid of that. You're willing to dissolve that relationship like that.

Now, I'm not saying there isn't Islam. There are times that the person can get married even without his parents' approval. That the brother, even the sister, if the wali does not have a legitimate excuse - yes, there are procedures. But marriage is about (سكينة - sakeenah). Marriage is about tranquility. Think about this.

So I'm not talking about what's halal right now, what's legally permissible. I'm talking about: think about it. You know, wake up. Wake up and think about it for a minute. You're willing to sacrifice the relationship of your parents for someone that came and caught your attention for a month or so. That is the most ungrateful thing that you can do.

The Teaching of the Scholars

And if you want to hear what our imams used to say: Yes, in the madhab of Imam Ahmad, it is legally permissible - and this is through consensus - for the man to marry without the wali, without his own wali. The man doesn't need a guardian. And for a woman, if the wali does not have a legitimate excuse, perhaps in the madhab of Imam Ahmad - of course the Hanafi madhab, the wali is not required - in the madhab of Imam Ahmad, it's an easy procedure. Go to the sultan, present your case. The sultan sees that you don't have a legitimate excuse to stop this marriage. It's legally permissible.

When did Imam Ahmad get married? Anyone know? He refused to get married until his mother died. He refused. It's not like he was waiting for her to hurry up and die, by the way. I'm not talking about that. He felt like he would not be able to do his duty towards her while being married at the same time.

So, and he didn't recommend this. It's not the sunnah. The sunnah is to get married as young as possible. But sometimes we go beyond the bounds of legality and we think about the essence of things. He said: "I'm not going to get married while she's still alive. It's legally permissible. It's sunnah. But I will not be able to be just with my mother."

Now, what happens? And go back to the statement of Imam al-Qayyim (رَحِمَهُ الله - rahimahullah): "Whoever is not grateful to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subhanahu wa ta'ala) will not be grateful to people." It's a business contract.

Your parents get old. "My courtesy to you is putting you in a nice nursing home. My courtesy to you is calling you every once in a while. But if you keep getting more demanding, I'm going to say: 'How come my brother doesn't do it? How come my sister doesn't do it?'''

When you called upon your mom when you were a child, did she ever have that liberty? No.

(أُمَّكَ، أُمَّكَ، أُمَّكَ - ummuka, ummuka, ummuka) - Your mother, your mother, your mother. The most important thing. And then your father too.

Repaying Your Father

Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said in a hadith from Abu Huraira (رَضِيَ اللهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهُ - radi Allahu ta'ala anhu) that the only way that a person could repay his father is through what? What would he have to do? To find him as a slave and to purchase his freedom. It's the only way.

And Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) used the word (والد - walid). And some of the scholars, they debated. They said (والد - walid) means parents - it means mother or father. But the correct meaning is that it's just father. Because you can really never repay your mother back. It's impossible.

Why would Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) use this terminology? Your father. And this is something that we hear but we don't truly understand sometimes, especially with men.

Have you ever heard the statement, more or less, that the only person who wants you to have a better life than himself is your father? The only person. Your father actually wants you to live a better life than him.

So Rasulullah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) is saying: "The only way you repay your father: you find him as a complete slave because he enslaved you with the tools in life. You find him as a complete slave and you give him his freedom. Otherwise you can never repay him."

But I want to come to one thing: Does Allah (عَزَّ وَجَلَّ - azza wa jall) mention the favors of the father in the Quran? Does he? We know from the mother, Allah (عَزَّ وَجَلَّ - azza wa jall) mentions her labor pains, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subhanahu wa ta'ala) mentions all these things. Does Allah mention the father?

(حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ - hamalat-hu ummuhu) - Allah (عَزَّ وَجَلَّ - azza wa jall) mentions the mother. Does Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subhanahu wa ta'ala) mention what the father did for you? No.

Why do you think that is? When it comes to the meaning of أمّ as regards to والدة - Sheikh Nouman explained it beautifully. There is والد and والدة. And I'll just give a brief thing because I already opened the curiosity.

والد and والدة mean father and mother. أَمّ and أب also mean father and mother. But it's to a different degree of respect. وَالِد is someone who gave birth to you - a father who was responsible for your birth. والدة is the mother who conceived you. But you have to earn أب and أُمّ. You have to earn that title.

So if a father leaves his child before he's even born, is he أَب? No. He's not the أَب but he's the وَالِد. What about the أم? Does Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى command us to be good to الْوَالِدَيْنِ Or to your أم and your أب?

Allah عَزَّ وَجَلٌ says:

"We enjoin the person with ihsan towards his father and his mother."

His birth father and his birth mother. Meaning what? If your father did absolutely nothing for you in life, you still have to be good to him. You can't complain.

Then Allah عَزَّ وَجَلٌ says:

"His mother held him."

Meaning she already earned the title of أَمّ before you were even delivered. Because she held you for 9 months. She went through all that. And Allah عَزَّ وَجَلٌ specifically mentions the pains of the mother.

Why? Why is that? And this is something that's very, very beautiful in the language of the Quran. Why Allah عَزَّ وَجَلَّ mentions the favors of the mother? When the son gets old, the daughter gets old, and the son and the daughter says "I want a car" and goes to the mom, what does the mom typically say? "Go ask your dad. Go talk to that guy. It's not my call." Usually the mother delegates the role of authority to the father. And usually the child treats the father with more respect than the mother.

Why? "Because my mom gets emotional. She cries too much. Those types of things." Because we don't remember. We cannot possibly remember what it was like for our mothers to hold us, to carry us, to give birth to us. We can't remember that. So naturally we have a tendency to disbelieve in that, to have a sense of كفر of that, to deny it either with our tongues or with our actions, or we don't appreciate it at all.

So Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى reminds us: "Your mother is the one that held you. She's the one that delivered you in pain and went through all of that. Never forget that woman. Never forget her. Never forget your

father, definitely. It's not to decrease the role of the father. But we tend to forget things. We don't have very good sight of the past."

We don't remember what it was like as babies until we have our own babies. And if we're half decent people again, then we think about it a little bit more. But especially your mother - you forget it more easily.

Conclusion: The Red Line of Rights

So dear brothers and sisters, in conclusion of all of this: Don't always just look at things in front of you as they are. And don't just build your relationships on benefits and those types of things. Think about what people have done for you. Think about all of the people who have done things for you in your life - be it your mother, your father, your husband, your wife, your child, your brother, your sister, a friend, someone who was there for you.

And if you do not show gratefulness to that person, you know what happens on the Day of Judgment? Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى claims they're right.

And especially when we think about marriage, for example - especially in marriage, because this is - I'm gonna just end on this note إنْ شاءَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى - where it's almost like a cat and mouse game sometimes. Right? I'm trying to remind you of how much I've done for you and trying to remind you of what a terrible spouse you are, either implicitly or explicitly, so that I can get better treatment from your side.

رَضِيَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهُ Abdullah ibn Abbas one of the things that he used to do. Before he used to get inside his house, what did he used to do? You know what he used to do? He used to pull out his comb. He used to fix his clothes. He used to get all neat, get all pretty. Then he walks into the house.

Most of the time, what do we do in the house? When we get to the house, what do men do when we get... What do we do when we get home? Get down to our pajamas, whatever it is. Sit on the couch: "I'm hungry." Turn on the TV and ignore everybody in the house. None of that.

And what does the woman look like usually when you get home? Sorry, sorry sisters. It gotta be balanced. Is she dressed up looking nice for you? And those types of things? And wearing her nicest clothes? And saying: "(أَهْلَا وَسَهْلًا يَا زَوْجِي - )"? Not really. "Where have you been?" That type of thing, right?

So here's the problem. This guy was out - and you guys live in California. I mean, come on. This is the land of Hollywood. And you see these billboards and you see all these women flaunting everything that they've got. Then you come home after lowering your gaze like you were supposed to. And then on the opposite side, the husband that was supposed to be dreamy when he comes home and all those types of things. Because again, we're into fantasy. All this fantasized culture. And you see your husband and he's dressed terribly and he looks like a mess.

So Abdullah ibn Abbas رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ before he gets into his house, straightens himself up. Makes sure