Dealing with Isolation Learning from Islam’s Original Converts

Dealing with Isolation: Learning from Islam's Original Converts

By Sheikh Omar Suleiman

Opening

When we speak about the challenges that we face as individuals or as families or as communities, there's one challenge that stands out that can often paralyze the productivity of any one of those layers - an individual, a family, a community, whatever it may be. And it's that quality or that test of being alone. And Allah سبحانه وتعالى talks about loneliness in many different ways in the Quran.

Types of Loneliness

Physical Isolation

There is a time where you might be actually physically lonely, put away, and obviously one of the greatest forms of psychological torture that a person can undergo is solitary confinement where people are confined to cells. We ask Allah سبحانه وتعالى to make it easy for all of the political prisoners and those that are unjustly detained and put in those situations.

Cut off from the entire world and not having anyone to speak to, not having anyone to confide in, not having anyone to ease your pain. One of the most difficult things that I ever did in my life was I just walked for a few minutes into the prison cell of Nelson Mandela in South Africa. And I thought to myself, how can a man go through this for over two decades with absolutely no communication with the outside world? And it's tough to think about because there are people unjustly detained that go through that on a daily basis here in the United States and elsewhere in torture prisons and in - well all prisons are torture prisons here in the United States - but the ones that are here and the ones that are abroad.

Spiritual and Social Estrangement

And then there's a loneliness where you are estranged from everyone around you. And it's really interesting because that loneliness is the ghurba, that being strange that Allah described the situation of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) with, where you're physically around people but no one understands you and people are cutting you off and people have alienated you. And sometimes, not always, sometimes that is because of a principled stance that you take or because of some truth that you manifest that others around you are not willing to commit to.

Sometimes, sometimes you are alone and estranged because of your bad character, your bad akhlaq, or the way that you treat people. And there's no nobility in that. Sometimes people don't deal with you and

you, you know, you comfort yourself by saying, "No one likes me because I speak the truth," but it's not about you speaking the truth, it's about you having a foul mouth.

And there is no nobility in that. There's no reward from Allah سبحانه وتعالى in that. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلمhe said: "The worst people are those that people don't correct when they speak anymore, when they lose their temper, (اتِّقَاءَ فُحْشَهِ) - because they don't want to deal with their tongues anymore."

They just get sick of dealing with them, going off on them and their tempers and things of that sort. That's a very bad loneliness to have when people don't want to deal with your (أَذًى) (harm). But then when a person is upon the truth, and a person is upon righteousness, and they feel alienated by everyone around them, and the worst - the worst of that is when it's your own family.

The Prophet's ﷺ Experience of Isolation

His Standing Before Prophethood

And when you look at the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلمwhen he stood up alone on Safa, and called a people that loved him and respected him for four decades - four decades of establishing goodwill to his people. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم didn't have much in this world before prophethood. He wasn't a wealthy man.

He didn't have his parents. He was an orphan. He was not, you know, he didn't live any lavish or extravagant lifestyle.

He was a simple, honest merchant, عليه الصلاة والسلام, a shepherd. He described himself for six years on the outskirts of Mecca, where Ajyad is, shepherding sheep for the (قراريط) of the people of Mecca, the pennies of the people of Mecca, the equivalent of the pennies of the people of Mecca. But he always had the love of his people, the goodwill that he established with his people lasted.

The Call on Mount Safa

And then there you are, at the age of 40 years old standing on Safa. And you call people to Allah سبحانه وتعالى and you establish your goodwill once again and say, "If I were to tell you that there's an army that is on its way to attack you, to hurt you, would you believe me?" And they all expressed that they trusted him and that he was (الصَّادِق الأمين). They trusted him not because of the, you know, the claim making sense, but because of who he was, that he'd established that he was الصادق الأمين the trustworthy one, the truthful one, the honest one.

And they knew that he always wanted to protect them from harm. So he invoked that صلى الله عليه وسلم when he called them to Allah. But what ended up happening? When he said what he said, all the voices went silent, except for Abu Lahab cursing him.

He became a stranger amongst his people. And they hurt him by saying that the Lord of Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم has forsaken him. Allah revealed:

"Your Lord has not taken leave of you, nor has He detested you."

(قلى) is not a physical separation as much as it is an abandonment, where you're estranged. You're not in that situation. And that's the most difficult test that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and his companions felt.

Probably, and I'm projecting because everyone is very different, but for many people, for many of the companions, more so than the physical torture was the emotional torture of being outcasts amongst their own people. And you can imagine the pain that they felt when their own relatives plotted against them, and their own relatives tried to kill them, and even pursued them, and stole their wealth, and wished nothing but evil upon them. Starting with the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم.

Examples from the Prophets

عليه السلام Nuh

It's a difficult society, and a very difficult situation to deal with for each and every single person that's there. And you have to humanize that experience for a moment. How would you feel if by accepting the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and by being upon the truth, you're completely abandoned? The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was not the first one to go through that.

In fact, the very first messenger of Allah, Nuh عليه السلام. Allah mentions the wife of the first messenger of Allah, Nuh عليه السلام. And she herself did not believe.

Can you imagine spending 950 years calling people to Allah, and your own wife disbelieves? And you're estranged from your own wife, and the son of Nuh عليه السلام. Obviously the painful conversation that we have of Noah of Nuh عليه السلام in the Quran, calling out to his son, and hoping that his son would follow, but his son leaves him behind.

عليه السلام Lut

Lut عليه السلام. His own wife, his own spouse.

عليه السلام Ibrahim

The uncle of Lut عليه السلام of course being Ibrahim عليه السلام. The most eloquent of the prophets, the father of the prophets, and look, all of those years of elaborate arguments with his people, and trying to guide them to the truth, and he leaves Haran without a single believer, except for his wife, except for Sarah. Everybody else, and at the head of them was his father trying to kill him.

Everybody else abandons him and leaves him in that situation. That's hard to imagine. And when you look at the generation of the prophets, the sahaba, the best generation, which was an entire generation of reverts, an entire generation of people that accepted iman, and that accepted the principles that came with iman, that caused them to be persecuted, and go through what prophets and their companions had gone through before.

The Companions' Struggles

Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas and His Mother

And Allah tells us about Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas, and his mother, when Sa'd, who loved his mother deeply, and his mother said that either you abandon Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلمor I will sit out here in the sun and starve to death, or be dehydrated, until either the lice kill me, or the sun kills me, the thirst kills me. And she sat out there until the sister of Sa'd had to force water into her mouth, because she actually wanted to fulfill her oath of killing herself, if Sa'd did not leave Islam. Can you imagine how painful that would be, if your mother, out of love for you, she's upon falsehood, you're upon truth, but out of love for you, she's willing to kill herself, to reveal what Allah revealed about Abu Lahab.

It's really interesting here. What Allah revealed about Abu Lahab, we know what Allah revealed about Abu Lahab and his wife, because Abu Lahab did not reject truth out of any noble sentiment, or out of any love for the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. It was out of love of wealth, and the love of fame, and the love of prestige, and the filthy mouth of Abu Lahab, and all of the pain that he caused the Prophet صلى الله عليه . وسلم

That was not out of love, that was out of greed. So, but Sa'd and his mother, Allah سبحانه وتعالى revealed in Surah al-Ahqaf, Allah mentioned that we have enjoined upon man that he treats his parents with the utmost kindness, and he particularly mentioned the rights of the mother upon a person, even as she was calling her son to reject Allah, Allah was calling him to honor her. Allah orders Sa'd to honor his mother, and even if your parents tell you to commit kufr, tell you to commit disbelief, and associate partners with Allah وتعالىor سبحانه reject your Lord, still, do not obey them in that, but at the same time accompany them with kindness, and treat them with love and respect, simply not doing as they command you to do in regards to evil, simple as that.

Abu Bakr's رضي الله عنه Unique Blessing

Allah called Sa'd to honor his mother, and Allah mentions in that same ayah that a person who Allah blesses, who reaches his age of maturity and reaches the age of 40 years old, and thanks Allah for the blessing that he bestowed upon him, and upon his parents, and prays for his children, and that is in regards to, according to many of the scholars, Abu Bakr as-Siddiq رضي الله عنه and this is a really

powerful statement that al-Qurtubi makes: there is not a single companion from the Prophet's صلى الله عليه وسلم companions, whose entire family accepted iman except for Abu Bakr. Even the Prophet صلی الله عليه وسلم did not have that. Abu Bakr is the only companion who did not have a rejecter from his family, that's significant, that was a particular blessing that Allah honored him with, maybe because he followed the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم with no hesitation, he was a صِدّيق, he followed the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم with no hesitation, and so he was blessed with a very specific blessing, that everyone in his family, his parents, his spouse, his children, would all accept iman, would all accept faith, not without a struggle, some of them took long, but they'd all accept iman, and he knew that he was unique in that, that's, I mean just think about that, when you're sitting with the companions, each and every single one of them has a story about a spouse, or a parent, or a child, or a sibling, that's rejecting them, and that's alienating them, and isolating them, except for Abu Bakr رضي الله عنه

Abu Quhafa's Conversion

And his father was the last one, his father Abu Quhafa held out until Fath Makkah, until the conquest of Mecca, very late, and he was such an old man, that when Abu Bakr brought his father to take the shahada with the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, "If you would have told me, I would have went to him, why did you, why did you bring this sheikh, this old man from his home, I would have gone to him," even though he'd spent 20 years rejecting the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم.

And you know what, Abu Bakr, and it's, it's very, it's hard to imagine this, but Abu Bakr, when he sees his father with his hand in the hand of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم with a full head of gray, saying أشهد أَن لَّا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ، وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا رَّسُولُ اللَّهِ he started crying very heavily, and the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, "What's making you cry?" and he said, "I wish that that hand that was in your hand was the hand of your uncle, Abu Talib, because I know how much you wanted that, how much it would have meant to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم," that even he didn't get that صلى الله عليه وسلمfor the person who was the closest to a father figure in his life,عليه الصلاة والسلامhe didn't get to enjoy what Abu Bakr was enjoying at that moment, and Abu Bakr loved the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم more than himself.

Khadija's Brother: Nawfal ibn Khuwaylid

All of this was actually to introduce a very interesting character in the seerah of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم . If I was to ask you who the first believer is, many people would say that the first person to believe in the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was Abu Bakr, and you would be right if you were talking about the men, but the first believer in the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was Khadija bint Khuwaylid رضي الله تعالى صلى الله عليه وسلم the wife of the Prophet ,عنها

The first one who actually believed in him was Khadija, his wife, and I want you to think about the family of Khadija, and there's a very particular character who, when you read about him, it's stunning that you