Cherish Your Daughters

Cherish Your Daughters

Omar Suleiman - Quran Weekly

Opening

As-salāmu 'alaykum wa rahmatullāhi wa barakatuh. Quran Weekly, this is your brother Omar Suleiman. You know, I remember when my wife became pregnant with our first child, and thinking to myself, I hope Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala blesses me with a daughter so that I can name her after my mother rahmatullahi alayha, May.

Many times people ask me why I named my daughter May, it was the name of my mother rahmatullahi alayha. And I remember subhanAllah making dua to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that Allah blesses me with a daughter, and then finally going to the doctor and seeing on that ultrasound that it was indeed a girl. And I was so happy, bursting with joy, ready to tell everyone that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has blessed us with a daughter.

The Cultural Problem

Unfortunately the reaction that I got was not exactly the one that I was expecting. Many people responded with dua's in Arabic:

May Allah replace that one with a boy, hopefully you'll get lucky the next time, and Allah will give you a boy. And I thought to myself, wow, we still live in a culture like this? And unfortunately the fact of the matter is, until now, people failed to cherish and recognize the blessing of a daughter.

Historical Context

And if we look at the time that Rasulullah ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) came, you have to understand that not only were the Arabs of Jahiliyyah vicious towards their daughters, and not only did they not consider their daughters to be a blessing, but in fact they considered them to be a curse, but actually this was the culture for years and years before the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) all around the world.

In fact, you'll find that this was the case in, we would obviously assume Southeast Asia and things of that sort, but even in Biblical scripture, in Ecclesiasticus, in the Catholic Bible, the Catholic Church had to deal with this verse where it says the birth of a daughter is a loss. So it was always considered that way, and here you have the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) coming, and one of the first verses that's revealed to the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ), amongst the society of people that buried their daughters alive was:

When the young girl that was buried alive will be asked, for what reason were you killed? She will testify in the court of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala against her murderer.

And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala condemned the behavior of the Arabs when they would take their young girls and they would bury them alive. And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala described to us their attitude, the way that they used to view their daughters. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in surah al-Nahl:

Whenever one of them is given the bushra, the blessing, the glad tiding of a young girl, you would see that their faces, (ظَلَّ وَجْهُهُ مُسْوَدًّا) You would find that their faces are darkened.

(وَهُوَ كَظِيمٌ) - And that person is full of grief on the inside.

(يَتَوَارَىٰ مِنَ الْقَوْمِ مِنْ سُوءِ مَا بُشِّرَ بِهِ) - They are embarrassed, they are trying to hide their faces from the people because of the bad news that they received. And they are struggling within themselves whether they should bury their daughters, whether they should live in humiliation or they should bury their daughters to fulfill the tradition.

And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says:

What a terrible judgment that they make in that regard. And I want you to think about this for a moment. These were human beings that were bringing themselves to do that.

Stories of Repentance

And some of them, they struggled with this. You might have heard the story of Umar bin Khattab (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَىٰ عَنْهُ) burying his daughter alive in Jahliya. But in fact that's not an authentic narration, it's a fabricated narration.

Because Umar (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَىٰ عَنْهُ) had four daughters and he was actually named Abu Hafsa. Abu Hafsa, whenever Islam came. But we do have people, sahaba, that came to the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) and confessed to the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) that they were indeed guilty of this grievous practice.

Amongst them was Qais who came to the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ), Qais ibn Asim, and told him that I buried many daughters before Islam. What should I do? And some of the scholars here comment that this is the one thing that the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) legislated, an expiation, although it was not made mandatory, although it was not sent down as an obligation. But the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said that a person should do something to expiate for something that they did in Jahliya.

(Sahih Muslim Hadith 1017)

The Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) told him you should free a slave for each and every single person, each and every single one of those daughters that you killed. And he said, Ya Rasulullah, all I have is camels, I own a bunch of camels. So the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said then donate a camel for each one of those daughters that you killed.

And some of the scholars said that's the only time the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) did that. There is even a more explicit narration in Sunan Ad-Datumi, where a man came to the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) and told the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) about this terrible incident that took place in his own life, where he says that, when my daughter was born, I loved her, I fell in love with her, she loved me, and I used to call her name and she used to come running to me, and she was growing up and she was getting more and more beautiful, and I didn't know what to do with her, because he had an attachment to her. The human being, the fitrah that Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) put in that person to love his daughter, it was there.

He said I was attached to her and she was attached to me, I used to come home and play with her, but as she was getting older I didn't know what to do with myself. Everyone was burying their daughters, and here I am and I still haven't buried my daughter, so one day he says that I told her to pick out a pretty dress, and I told her that we were going to a celebration at her uncle's house, and on the way there he said to Rasool Allah ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ), pushed her into a well, and she grabbed on and she called out to me.

Imagine this daughter calling out to her father, Oh my father, why are you doing this to me, why are you leaving me? And he said that I'd be overcome with emotion at one moment, and I'd start to pick her up, and then the shaitan would get the best of me.

You see he was fighting his fitrah, the natural emotion, compassion that Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) put inside of him. He was fighting that, and he said I'd let her go back in, and she called me and she said don't break the trust that was given to you. And Rasool Allah ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) was crying and weeping so heavily when this man was talking, that the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ)'s beard became soaked, and the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) was choked with tears, he didn't even know what to say.

And Rasool Allah ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said to him, he said you know, if I could punish anyone for something that they did in jahliya, in ignorance, I would punish you. But Allah has forgiven everyone for what they've done in ignorance, so turn back to Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) in repentance.

Modern Parallels

So this barbaric mentality, which by the way, even in our modern days, we'll see honor killings, we'll see people kill their daughters, we'll see, we had the recent story in India where the father stuffed his daughter's mouth with sawdust until she died.

Terrible stories. In China with the one child policy, because couples could only have one child, until now by the way, if it turned out to be a daughter, they would hope that she would die, and they'd actually start to take steps to make sure that she dies, so that their first child and their only child would be a son. We hear about this all the time, but we forget that in our deen, this ignorance was lifted.

The Islamic Teaching

Not only that, but the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) taught us to cherish our daughters. We should be pleased when Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) blesses us with daughters, and we should do our best to fulfill that amanah to Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ). And there's a funny incident that took place where a man came to Imam Ahmad, and he told Imam Ahmad, he said, Ya Imam, my wife only gives birth to girls. They didn't understand science very well back then.

He said, my wife only gives birth to daughters. And he said, I have three daughters, what do I do? And Imam Ahmad, he said, abshir, you should be happy, congratulations, you are the closest one to the sunnah, because the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) was only survived by daughters. Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) didn't allow any of the boys of the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) to live a long life.

So this is like the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). And Rasulullah ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) actually has stated that there is more virtue in having daughters than sons. And the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said in Sahih Muslim, a very beautiful and profound hadith, he said:

(Sahih Muslim Hadith 2631)

Whoever raises two daughters, and he does his best to raise them right, to give them compassion, to show them care, to show them love, to show them loyalty, and to teach them the proper way. Rasulullah ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said that he will be with me, he will be with me on the day of judgment like these two fingers.

Just like this, the same reward that the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said is guaranteed for the one who takes care of the orphan. He'll be with me like this in Jannah. And in another hadith the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said, whoever takes care of three daughters, and is patient with them, and shows mercy towards them, Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) will allow them to protect him, to shield him from the hellfire.

And some of the Sahaba said, Ya Rasulullah, what about two daughters? And Rasulullah ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said, and two. And one of the Sahaba said, Ya Rasulullah, what about one daughter? And Rasulullah ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said, and one. So here we see a preference that's given to raising our daughters properly, and we have to understand, Allah knows what He gave us.

The Example of Maryam's Mother

And we look in Surah Ali'Imran, the mother of Naryam (عَلَيْهَا السَّلَامُ), Hinnah bint Thaqood, when she called upon Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ), and she dedicated the child in her stomach for the sake of Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ), she was sure it was going to be a boy. And Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) says:

Oh Allah, I gave birth to a girl. And Allah breaks away from the story and tells us:

Allah knows what He gave her.

So instead of her just having a Prophet, Allah could have just gave her Isa (عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ). Allah put in her lineage the best woman that ever existed, and Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) gave her through that woman Isa (عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ), and she still gets the reward for that. So why not think in that manner, that maybe I can have amongst the greatest women, I can raise this daughter to be amongst the greatest women, and maybe Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) will give me through that woman many more children, that will carry on that legacy, and that will continue to provide me good deeds.

The Prophet's Love for His Daughters

Also we find from the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ), that not only did he praise having a daughter, and not only did he show us that we should be grateful when we have a daughter, but the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) treated his daughters with such love and compassion.

When Fatima (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا) would walk into the room, the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) would leave his seat, and he would give Fatima (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا) the space that he was sitting in. In his last moments Rasul Allah ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) calls Fatima (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا), and whispers into her ear, giving her the news that he's going to die, and then giving her the news that she would be the first one to join him in Al-Jannah. This love and compassion, Umama (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا)

In Al-Bukhari it's narrated that the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) was once praying, and he was holding Umama while he was praying, and whenever he would go down he would place her on the ground, and then when he'd come back up he'd pick her back up and he'd hold her in Salah.

Giving us legislation by the way, tashree'a, showing us that it's permissible to do so. And we find even with someone like Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ), one of my favorite narrations, because it shows you the human side of the sahaba, Al-Bara' narrates in Al-Bukhari, that one time Abu Bakr (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) walked in, and Aisha (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا) while she was still a young girl under his care, was laying there and she was sick. And Abu Bakr (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ) sat down next to her, and he kissed her on the cheek, and he said:

(كَيْفَ حَالُكِ؟) - How are you, oh my dear daughter? How are you, oh my dear daughter? You know, kissing her on the cheek, showing compassion to her.

SubhanAllah, this is the way that the sahaba treated their daughters. This is the way the Prophet ((صلی الله عليه وسلم taught us to treat our daughters.

Modern Educational Inequality

And it's unfortunate that even in our civilized communities, in our civilized societies, so-called civilized societies, we still have this backwards mentality that a daughter is lost.

We should not think that way. And you'll find even in very wealthy households, you know, I'm going to send my son to be a alim, I'm going to teach him the Qur'an, hopefully my son will be a hafidh, if I have a daughter, hopefully she knows:

- inshaAllah, we'll be alright then. You know, we did our job.

No, why do we have such a lack of female scholarship in our community? It's because of the failure of parents, and also at the same time, the lack of gratefulness and gratitude that we have to Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) by not fulfilling the amanah of treating our daughters well, and raising them on the path of Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ), and to be great women like Maryam, like Khadija, like Aisha, like Fatima, like Asiya, like Hajar, and hoping that Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) will shield us from the hellfire.

Conclusion

As a result of that, we ask Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) to make us a people that cherish our daughters, that raise them with good tarbiyah, and we ask Allah ((جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ) to make us amongst those whose daughters will protect them from the hellfire, and enter them into Jannah along with our families, in the companionship of the Prophet ((صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ), in the highest level of Jannah al-Firdaws. Allahumma ameen.

JazakumAllahu khayran. Wassalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Wassalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, my dear brothers and sisters from Quran Weekly.

You know, many times if you belong to an Eastern culture, if you're given the news of a young girl, I'm sorry, let me start over. How am I going to start this off? This doesn't matter, right? I can do this as much as I want. Yeah, okay.

Wassalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, Quran Weekly. So do yourself a favor. If you benefited from this video, go ahead and like it and share it on your Facebook and Twitter.

Because the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said, as it's narrated in Sahih Muslim:

(Sahih Muslim Hadith 1017)

That whoever does something good in Islam, starts it, or shares it and other people follow, then he will get the reward that he has, and of course the reward of anyone who followed him in that inshaAllah. So if someone else benefits from this, you get the same reward as the presenter inshaAllah, and the same reward as the producer. So go ahead and like it, love it, share it.

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