Build Your Relationship With the Qur’an This Ramadan | Real Talk ft. Dr. Tesneem Alkiek

Overcoming the Overwhelm

Sometimes I get really overwhelmed when I read the Quran and I think to myself it's just too much. I agree I think it can feel very overwhelming but I also think I can convince you that it's worth it. When I read the Quran, there's a lot of things that I don't understand and then when I engage with the translation of the Quran, there are some verses that probably make some of us uncomfortable.

What do I do? Do I just not engage with it? Yeah, I think it's important to recognize that when you're reading a Quran, you're ultimately reading the words of Allah, right? That is something that is unique to the Quran and unique to in fact our faith tradition and no one no other faith tradition claims that their scripture is the divine word-for-word of God, right? And I think that like we need to have like a step back sometimes.

Understanding Your God Image

Let's talk about how we understand God before we understand his book and there's an important study that we ran at Yaqeen and it's about your God image. What's a God image? God image is this idea like how do I perceive Allah in my life, right? Not obviously not like a physical imagination or anything like that but like how do I understand who he is? How do I understand his like names, attributes, like his manifestation in my life? So like negative or positive? Yes, so you either have a negative image of Allah, positive, maybe some somewhere in between and there's two ways of getting that and it's important because I think we all need to sit down and have this assessment, right?

Number one, you've got the mind. What is the mind? The mind is this idea that you were taught something explicit about الله سبحانه وتعالى. You were taught by a parent, you were taught by teachers, you were taught by someone that God is omnipotent, that God is merciful, that God is just, that God punishes and forgives. Like these are all things are explicitly taught about God, right?

Then you have the heart. This is interesting because this is more of like an intrinsic understanding of الله سبحانه وتعالى. The heart is this idea that the way your parents taught you or the way even like your teachers taught you, the attachment style, not what they actually taught you but the style actually influences how you understand الله سبحانه وتعالى.

So let me give you an example. If your parent was authoritative, right? Would sort of like issue commands without explanations, was unjust, was you know there's a whole like list of styles you could go through. Insecure, anxious, like all the different parenting attachment styles that we have. If you had that type of attachment with your parent, you are in like implicitly, so it's indirect, almost like subconsciously, you end up having that relationship with الله سبحانه وتعالى.

And so that's really important because sometimes it's not even in your control directly how you understand الله سبحانه وتعالى but like it's infused in your life. Because you're learning from your parents. You're learning from your parents and so I think it's important to say like wait, let's just stop.

Building a Positive Relationship with Allah

Let's ask ourselves like what was my relationship with my parents and did that, it's not always going to happen, but did that affect my understanding of الله سبحانه وتعالى? Does that affect how I approach the Quran? Does that affect like my understanding of my relationship? And it starts really with that assessment. And what if I struggle with seeing God positively? Like it's just one of my struggles in life that I'm unable to see God positively.

That's really important right? Because I think people are probably listening like oh my oh you know I'm that one person that has a negative God image. Unfortunately that's not the case right? A lot of people struggle with this. And I think that there's there's various ways right? We can talk about maybe finding righteous companionship. Finding good you know group of friends who can help you rebuild that connection.

Maybe it is finding a good teacher. Maybe it's learning about the character of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم who had like impeccable character. The way he treated others. The way that he taught and and thinking to yourself like you know rebuilding that knowledge base.

And then of course most importantly for us is learning how Allah describes himself. Like what are the names? What are the attributes Allah describes of himself? He tells us who he is right? Talks about like the fact that we say for every surah right? Every time we start surah al-fatiha بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ.

That in the name of God most merciful most beneficent. What does that even mean right? What does it mean that Allah is the most compassionate? What does it mean that Allah is the most just? What like all of these ways that he's describing himself. Like learn about who he who he says he is.

Also learn about who he loves. Allah has like in the Qur'an various people he explicitly says إِنَّ اللهَ يُحِبُّ. And like God loves those who do XYZ.

God loves those المُقْسِطِينَ. Those who seek justice. What does that tell you about God when he says I love those who are just? Like I love that my Lord loves justice and that he will ask for justice for people who wronged others.

I love that Allah says I love those who are good people. المُحْسِنِينَ. They try to always have excellence in their lives. Like wow like God loves that I push myself. God loves that I'm trying right? God loves those who are who purify them. It's like all the different ways God even describes who he loves.

Allah describes who he loves. Like hmm I want to be that person and I love that my Lord wants that for me right? So it does trigger this cycle of understanding Allah in this positive light when you know who he is and you know what he appreciates.

Understanding Verses of Punishment

But Tasneem there are a lot of verses of punishment and torment and sometimes it's difficult to get past those verses to then cling on to the mercy of Allah.

Those instances require looking for I wouldn't even say the silver lining because I feel like that just feels like a bare minimum. No but really looking for the good in these verses right? I remember reading verses on punishment right? There are some very descriptive ayaats in the Quran that talk about the punishment for those who disbelieve, those who oppress, those like those who you know reject Allah's message and act in a way contrary to it. And it's very very gruesome to the point where it's like not only is your body tortured but it's then your body is given back to you so it can happen again and again and again.

And I remember thinking like how do you reconcile this with a merciful God right? And then you know years go on and you start to observe the world like I think of the Syrians under the Assad regime. I think of most importantly in time in history right now Gaza. I think of Kashmiris, I think of Uyghurs, I think of all the people who've gone through like the type of violence and torture that honestly is unthinkable.

It's unthinkable, it makes your stomach churn simply thinking about it and there's nothing more I want to see than know that those oppressors get the rightful place right? So sometimes it's like that ayat just like I can't wrap my head around it and then life happens and you see like you're sort of exposed to something different and you think yourself that ayat makes complete perfect sense and I appreciate God more for it and that's what makes God the most just and that's what makes life comprehensible. And so I think in any case you can always find that like the beauty in every verse.

The Need to Know Allah Through the Quran

And so just to clarify then, do I need to know the Quran to know Allah? Yeah I think that's really important it's you can't separate the two right? If you want to know Allah the best way to know him is through the way he describes himself right? Allah like just think about it for a second the Protestant Reformation like all of Christianity fundamentally changed with the Protestant Reformation when Martin Luther and other Christians sought to rebel against the Catholic Church because why? The Catholic Church refused to give them direct access to Scripture.

It's not even that Scripture was a divine word but like you can't read it you can't engage with it you have to go through clergy you have to go through a scholar to even access the divine word of God to even communicate with God right? And as Muslims like that's really like we need to understand a whole revolution was sparked in Christianity for this reason but no we have the direct access to Allah's words that's a big deal and so absolutely you need to engage with that because that is Allah how he's communicating with us.

But like it's not going to be sort of this overnight experience especially for those who are struggling with a negative God image right? I think of the du'a that Atabi Isaid bin Jubaid used to make. He would consistently make a du'a Oh Allah I ask you for a good image of you like make it easy for me make it easy for me to understand you in a positive light make it easy for me to connect with you like this is a successor right? The Prophet says that among the best generations ever exist that include the Tabi'een the successors and he's making this du'a.

So like I think it's it's really just understanding that to have this impression can take time and it requires du'a in many cases like you don't have to like even if you have a positive God image we know Atabi Isaid bin Jubaid is gonna have a positive God image you still make this du'a. I make this du'a all the time right?

Finding Allah's Presence in Legal Verses

And then it shifts something inside of you like then you start to read Quranic ayaats which like I'll give you an example right? My whole area of focus is divorce in Islamic law and so that's where my dissertation research was that's what I'm very interested in so I know the ayaats on divorce very well like I had to you know every single ayaat you name it I can you know I can tell you all about it and I remember when I first started engaging these verses it felt very direct. It's law right? This is what you do this is what you don't do this is your right this is not your right this is your responsibility right like law right? It's very direct and it's going to tell you how to sort of navigate divorce.

And it's a difficult subject. It's a difficult subject right? And I always took them as that just legal verses direct and that was about it right? Then I started to notice something. I started to pay attention to how these verses ended and I like I started to pay attention to like how Allah describes himself in these verses and there was a pattern.

خَبِير he has that information as to everything that's happening. عَلِيم, حَكِيم like he's that he has that knowledge. He knows exactly what happened. حَكِيم he's wise like he knows what laws he has. سَمِيع, بَصِير he can see he can hear.

I thought like I noticed the pattern because anyone who's gone through divorce you know exactly how difficult it is and even if you haven't gone through it yourself like you've seen someone go through it family member community member you know how even if it's the nicest of divorces it's extremely difficult.

And I thought to myself like how incredible is it that Allah in these verses is saying I know it's difficult I hear you I see you. I know he wronged you she wronged you but I have all the knowledge and I will hold you hold these people accountable. I know it's difficult I'm here like then it's like this is fascinating how Allah describes himself and now verses that were so direct and legal we're like no no no Allah's present. I'm here I know what's happening I've got your back and it totally shifted my perspective on these verses right.

I think of also Surah Tawbah. Surah Tawbah is talks a lot about war talks a lot about the ethics of war conduct with the disbelievers like engaging with disbelievers and of course very direct and sometimes can be a difficult subject especially if you're far removed from these conversations right.

And then I think to myself like I noticed a pattern there are so many instances which Allah talks about those who are conscious of God. Know that God is with those who are conscious of him. And it's like how incredible you're talking about the ethics of war because if there's one thing you need to remember during war is God is there and you better you better fear him and be conscious of him right.

Because that moment you transgress that's when that's when problems rise right. And God ayah after ayah like pay attention ayah after ayah there's so many to end with reference to those who fear God. And now it's like suddenly like this very difficult like topic of violence and war and now it suddenly feels curbed and protected and there's boundaries and there's lines and God is always in the picture.

Building a Daily Relationship with the Quran

So Tasneem what advice do you have for someone who wants to start building a relationship with the Quran? I'll tell you something that you probably won't expect to hear because I have so many people come up to me and say Tasneem that's it. I'm dropping everything. I'm picking up. I'm going to you know overseas. I'm gonna go to this private school. I'm gonna spend the next year memorizing the Quran.

That was me. That was you? I had that intention. I'm like I'm taking a sabbatical off work and I'm going to memorize the Quran. And I think it works for some people. So I don't want all the time. I don't want to discount for those who just like need that head start and that focus and then they'll do it.

But it's that mentality that gets me because you are now stopping your life to make room for Quran. That's not how it should be. And what happens when you resume your life? Yeah what exactly what happens when you resume your life? When you resume your life then it's like wait Quran is not a part of my worldly life. Like Quran is not part of like my life when I have a career and family. That was just that thing that I did like I had it I had time for that then. Quran needs to like the mentality that we need to have. Quran is part and parcel of your daily life. You don't stop it to memorize it. You don't stop it to have the relationship with it.

And that's not supposed to discourage you. That's supposed to be inspiring that you know what you right now who's listening I don't care what you're doing. I don't care what you're going through in your life. You have that opportunity. You don't need to stop anything. This is an invitation day in and day out.

Starting Small and Building Gradually

And I think a lot of times the excitement of wanting to stop and memorize which again is very noble and for some people very befitting. But I think overall we need to have this attitude shift that no no I don't even if you're trying to memorize the Quran, you make this a daily habit and that's what changes your life. And how do you curb your enthusiasm to just go all in? Yeah do you go all in? No I think this is what's important as well because that's a good point. Then it's like all right fine I'm all in and I'm all in today right. That's that's not going to often is not going to fare well right. I think what's important is that we start small and really just take it easy.

Start small. I like I think about it subhanAllah. When I first started when I took it seriously where I thought to myself like I really want to build a relationship with the Quran. I remember starting off with reading just two pages a day. Why two pages? Because I knew two pages a day was something I could a hundred percent do. I could do it on my busiest days. I can do it on like I don't know non-motivational days like. And I was just like okay that's fine. I'll start it.

I got into the rhythm. Two pages down. Great. In the mornings? Whatever. It wasn't I didn't even had set a time. It would have been fantastic if I set a time right. At that point I was like I can do it any time of the day right. And it's like I got really comfortable. I switched to five pages a day. Just reading five pages a day. A few months later I switched to like a half of just ten pages every single day. I was like you know what I'm getting really comfortable with this rhythm. I'm getting comfortable with the idea of dedicating time every single day. Then if it's memorizing just to reading. I said to myself like I should probably push myself.

Let me try memorizing right. And then I do a line, two lines of half a page over time. This is way over time. This is not overnight right. This is months are going by. And then eventually I was memorizing a page a day. And then I broke my leg. That's a different story. Memorizing five pages a day. And then it like over that much time. And then like before I knew it took years. It wasn't a one-year like affair. Yeah. It took years. And then I memorized the Quran right.

And I think that's so important because people always hear the stories of like wow that's you know I went overseas. I stopped my life. And that it's like oh that's I can't stop my life. That's unrelatable. Everyone has the potential. I don't care where you are in your life. It can take five minutes a day. It can take a minute a day. So there's no perfect situation. Life is never perfect right. And I think again it's just that attitude shift that everyone should be inspired to start small and think of a long like what's the like the endgame here.

Because say you start small. Say you start with like I'm gonna read two ayat every single day. If you have the intention of one day memorizing the Quran and you put in that time and effort right. And you say when you meet Allah whether it's tomorrow or 60 years ago 60 years later when you you reach your goal. The intention is all that matters. Like what does that say about Allah? Like about his mercy his generosity. It's all incredible and it really just starts with that small amount every single day.

How the Quran Transforms You

And so when I make that effort to engage with the Quran does it only improve my relationship or my perception of Allah? Okay this is what's incredible. You start to learn more about Allah and suddenly you start to become a better person because of it. What? I know it's interesting right.

Because I'll give you I'll give you a story. This was years ago I had a really close friend. Very very close and they were struggling. And so it obviously like it was it was difficult to watch them struggle. And every I think every single day for months on end over a year I would remind them hey listen like I know you're going through something difficult but you got to change. You have the balls in your court. You need to make a difference or there's gonna be consequences at the end. Obviously I didn't say it like that. But this is not gonna end well. Like you need to change day after day after day right. And in this particular situation had that if the person didn't change because we had such a close relationship it was gonna affect me too. So I mean I had something in it for me right.

A year goes by and exactly what I feared would happen happened. And I remember that like that moment of getting that news. I remember thinking to myself I wanted to pull out every hair in my head and I just went to my room put my head in a pillow and screamed for like five minutes. I'm like this is exactly what I told you. I told you so. Everything like exactly what I predicted happened happened. And I was so angry like the blood was boiling. And a few minutes in I kind of stopped I was like huh wait a minute. This sounds familiar.

This is what I do to Allah like all the time. Allah is always there telling me like listen I love you. I want the best for you. This is what you need to do. Please I love you. This is the best. Do what you need to do right. Reminder after reminder after reminder. And then suddenly here I am after a thousand reminders from God. Ya Allah please forgive me. I really screwed up this time. Allah forgives me. Like Allah promises us just ask for forgiveness and I'll give it to you. I never thought about it that way. Right and how many like how many times right. If a minimum all of us in Ramadan are like yeah we kind of probably didn't do a good job this year. Please forgive us God right.

I thought to myself like if God does this to me on such a regular basis who am I to not be able to forgive this person. Who am I not to be able to express like forbearance. Like Allah is forbearing. He's forbearing like he has all the patience in the world to be able to deal with us. Who am I not to be grateful for the person how little they tried. Allah is grateful for our effort. Who am I not to forgive this person. Allah is the one who forgives. Right and I thought to myself like like at that moment my emotions like totally faded. I thought to myself alhamdulillah like alhamdulillah for being able to realize that and like I looked at this person I thought to myself I'm not angry. Like even though I had every right to be angry. I'm like how can I be angry when God is not angry with us right.

And so like it totally shifted my entire perspective on this issue. And this is exactly what happens like you go out and you start to see the world in a different place. You see others. You interact with others. Like I want to be a شَكُور. Allah is a شَكُور. He's grateful for things we do. I want to be grateful for others. Like I want to express my gratitude to others. Like he's just. He wants justice in this world. I want to go out and I want to ensure that there's justice in our society right. Like it starts to affect the way you interact. Like who you are and who you want to be. And it's so inspiring. It's so motivational. Like there's so much more we can work towards. And it's not like that it feels natural. Like I want to be better. I want to you know express these attributes and names. Just Allah asked me to do.

The Worldly Benefits of Quran

I don't know about you but some of us don't understand the Qur'an. And then I need to be convinced. Why should I even engage with it? Why should I even care about the Qur'an if I don't understand it? Listen I can do a lot of things. I can sit and explain to you all the spiritual rewards. Everything Allah promises. And that's important and it has its place. And I think we need to emphasize that day in and day out. But I want to try something different here. What if I talked about like purely the worldly benefits? Because I think for me that was a shocking part about memorizing or having a relationship with the Qur'an.

Building Focus and Memory

Years back I'm reading this book. It's called Deep Work right? And the whole gist of the book is our generation we just can't focus. We can't really like hone into our work. And because of that we're not really good at our work. We're not as efficient. We're not as productive. You know the whole gist. And basically one of the author's main claim to increasing our ability to deeply engage in our work in our day-to-day lives is we need to focus. We need to build our brains better for memorization.

How do you go about that on your day-to-day? Well his suggestion was you take a deck of cards and like you look through the deck of cards and you memorize the order of each one. So and in order to... I mean the deck of cards obviously is very complicated right? So his suggestion was well pretend like you're in a dark room. And then on the right you see like the J of spades. And then you turn the room and then you see like an ace. And then you know you like it was like this complicated process to memorize right?

And I was like this is fascinating to me. Like since I was a child I was encouraged to memorize. Right? Like my brain was already set up as a child. Not for any spiritual reward but like I was already in a position that made me more productive and able to focus because simply because of my capacity to memorize.

And like I think about them like years later I'm studying a new language right? And like I never understood sort of the shock on the students. Even like my professor's face. They pass out vocabulary sheets and like I'd read the vocabulary sheet like one, two, I mean three or four times. Like it's not like I read it once right? And at that point I'd memorized like half the list. You were that person? I was that person in class. And I never like I didn't think I had like some special like ability to memorize. Like I wasn't a language person. And I was like this is so interesting. My professor was like so like what are you doing? Like can you encourage your classmates? And my classmates like have like a huge deck of like cards they're pulling out. And it's like you know complicated way to memorize. And I it took me months before I realized like it was all those years of training my brain to focus and memorize Quran that suddenly like I could memorize. Like even like again we're not talking about religious. We're talking about myself in the classroom right?

Developing Discipline

Add to that the level of discipline it creates in your life right? Because if you want to you want to be serious and you want to memorize Quran. Maybe you'll get up every morning at 5 a.m. 6 a.m. Whatever before school you want to do early morning as the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم recommends. And you start your day. Well in order to start your day at 6 a.m. you got to sleep early. And in order to sleep early you got to finish everything you need early right? Like it ends up like triggering this entire cycle in your life. And now it's like you're better suited to memorize. You have a better routine. You've got you built this habit.

And now you've been set up for success in whatever worldly career you choose. And I think that to me is incredible. And it's amazing because you see it at a university level that people who've memorized the Quran are just much easier at like studying engineering or whatever degree they're doing. That like that's a two for the price of one. Two for the price of one absolutely.

Staying Motivated

But what advice then would you have to keep us motivated? That I've decided I'm going to engage with the Quran. I've decided that I'm going to take these steps but I need to stay motivated. Yeah. What do I do?

You know it's fascinating. Quran you've got over 1,300 verses. Well over a thousand verses. They just talk about, not laws, the universe and creation. Literally about the water, the trees, everything around you. Get up and look. And Allah says so many verses like if they could just only think and look and reflect. Like all these different invitations to just stop what you're doing and look up right? And I find that so beautiful because it's what it is is Allah is inviting us to imagine. To really think about the world around us like think creatively. The idea that Allah describes Jannah and Jahannam in such vivid detail. He shares so many stories of the past in such vivid detail. It's like this invitation like really think outside the box.

And there's one hadith in particular that's related to this where the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم says that it will be told to the person who had a relationship with the Quran on the Day of Judgment. Read and recite just as you used to recite in this world. And for every verse you used to recite in this world you get to climb a rank in paradise. You get to go up a whole rank in paradise.

And so I want you to imagine the next time you're reading one verse is all it takes. Is like I could be here or I could be all the way up there. Like that's where a verse will take you all. And really physically lift your head like really like am I gonna stop at this verse? Like I can't tell you how like inspiring that is. It's like I'm exhausted. I just want to go to sleep. And I'm like what's one more? I mean it's worth it right? Like and so I think sometimes when you talk about the Quran like it's just think great. Like think great of Allah. And think great of his reward.

Personal and Community Benefits

We talked about this worldly benefit but of course the spiritual benefits are endless. And that's what we should be in it for right? I think about the facts. On a still selfish level, Allah tells us that it's when you remember me when you and what better way to remember Allah than his own book. That brings your heart like tranquility. There's in it for you both spiritually and again Allah is so merciful. He also gives us the worldly benefit.

Like self-regulation. Self-regulation right? Like I'll start my morning anxious or stressed or whatever. Read my Quran and it like totally like regulates me right? It's like okay I can start my day now right? And it's again like I think that's the beauty of it. Allah could have made Quran entirely spiritual in the sense where it has no worldly benefits. But like even the spiritual benefits it's the core idea of relating to the Quran is inherently good for you in this world and in the next right?

So on an individual level there's that tranquility. And Allah the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم says in another hadith that through this book Allah will uplift communities. Just through this book right? And others he'll take down because of their lack of relationship or their disobedience to the book.

Think to yourself like okay on an individual level I have that sort of that benefits that connection to Allah to become a better person to have that tranquility. But at a community level it's just it's just as important. Your contribution you are moving the needle as a community member for your entire community when you choose to have a relationship with the Quran. Think of that as like your mentality that through this your community is being uplifted. And that should be motivation right?

We have so there's so much in it for us to build a relationship with the Quran. Most importantly of which of course is that these are the words of God. Take advantage of it. Use it to come closer to Allah. To know who he is and to become a better person because of it.

I love how practical this was because yes there's all the spiritual benefits but I love the worldly benefits and I love the discipline that comes with it and I'm definitely going to be more mindful of that. So tell us how do you shift from reading the Quran purely out of obligation to actually connecting with it? Let us know in the comments.