Being Independent of Creation [

خُطْبَةُ الْحَاجَةِ - Opening Khutbah

"In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful."

"All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him, seek His help, and ask for His forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evils of our souls and the wickedness of our deeds. Whomever Allah guides, none can misguide; and whomever He allows to stray, none can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allah alone, without any partners; and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and His Messenger."

Being Independent of Creation

By Shaykh Omar Suleiman

The Problem of Emotional Dependency

Dear brothers and sisters, many times we say things to our dear friends, and we say things to our spouses, we say things to our parents, we say things sometimes to close friends, that indicate that without you I would be nothing. And we all have these different statements, whether it's in Arabic, or Urdu, or English, or whatever it is, that without you I would be nothing. Where would I be without you? You are my sanity, right? And it depends what language you're in, and then the mujamila, the exaggeration, gets more, and more, and more, and more.

And while it's good to be nice to people, and it's good to express shukr to people, and gratitude to people, unfortunately many times there's a lot of truth in those statements. That a person is completely vulnerable, and is completely at the mercy of another human being.

And many times when we talk about hardship, and when we talk about making dua, and when we talk about patience, we talk about that when someone dies in the community. We talk about that when you're going through a real hardship in your life. How to deal with the loss of a job, how to deal with the loss of a child, how to deal with this, how to deal with that. Then all of a sudden you have to remember sabr.

All of a sudden you have to remember how to call upon Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. All of a sudden you have to remember, that if Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is pleased with me, then this hardship is actually a means of reward, and elevation for me on the day of judgment.

The Daily Struggles

But there are the daily struggles, there are the daily things, having a rough day at work, getting a little tough, your finances getting a little harder, your tax seasons come around, the economy is getting tougher, my business is suffering, I'm having issues with my wife, I'm having issues with my child, I'm having issues with this person, this person insulted me, while I was at the gas station, the clerk looked at me in a funny way, this person, I was with TSA in the airport, and they searched me, and they humiliated me.

And the first thing that you think about doing, is pulling out your cell phone, and calling as many people as you can, and tell them about what kind of day you just had. But you place someone, or you put yourself at the mercy of another human being, who has their own set of problems, who has their own difficulties, and unless you are also serving as a source of comfort for them, they really don't want to hear it from you.

And when they listen to your hardships and difficulties, it's because they also want to be able to come to you with their baggage. And what it creates is an atmosphere of complaining, an atmosphere of implicit displeasure with the qadr of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

The Problem with Complaining to People

And this is what we call in the Arabic language, a (شَكْوَى - shakwa), complaining. Unfortunately with us, we don't usually do shakwa, we do whining. You know, it's not just complaining, it's whining. It's complaining in a way that I'm displeased with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

And in essence when you really think about this, and Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim rahimahullah, he was talking about a man who was always telling other people about his problems, always complaining to them about his situation, about how life is really getting tough for me.

And Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim rahimahullah, what did he say?

"You complained about the one who has mercy upon you to one who has no mercy upon you."

That person, he has his own set of problems, she has her own set of problems. And subhanAllah, we're consistently taught that you need people in your life. And yes, to an extent you do need people in your life. But when it comes to complaining, when it comes to speaking about the issues that you're going through, dealing with the everyday obstacles and hardships.

Umar's Wisdom About Complaining

And Umar ibn al-Khattab radiallahu ta'ala anhu, and you know Umar radiallahu anhu never beat around the bush, he was never diplomatic. There was no such thing as diplomacy with Umar ibn al-Khattab radiallahu anhu. He told it how it was all the time.

So he was talking to a man who was always complaining to people, not complaining as why did Allah do this to me, and why am I going through this, and why do good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people. He wasn't complaining in that way.

But implicitly when you keep on talking about how miserable your life is, because your laptop broke down, and you dropped your iPhone in a fish tank or something like that, when you're consistently speaking that way, you're expressing displeasure with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Especially when you go telling other people about it.

So Umar ibn al-Khattab said:

"You're not getting any good out of your complaining, except that you're either depressing someone who actually cares about you, or you're making someone who doesn't like you pretty happy, or pleased with your own misfortunes."

You're either pleasing someone, you're either calling someone who is finally having a good day, maybe he got a pay raise at work, maybe he finally saw the light with his own spouse, and then you call him and you say, my wife is terrible.

She's horrible. She didn't cook on time today, and she didn't do this, and my thawb wasn't clean when I went to Fajr. And start complaining about her, and then that guy has to get depressed now. He has to feel sad. He feels obligated to feel sad, because you're complaining to him, and you're his friend, you're his brother, you're his confidant. You're the guy he looks to, right?

And at the same time, if someone doesn't like you, while you're complaining about your situation, although they're not outwardly expressing joy with your misfortune, you're thinking to yourself, well, alhamdulillah, I don't like him anyway. He deserves it. You deserve it, right?

But at the end of the day, you gained absolutely nothing from it, except that you complained about Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And Allah was willing to hear your complaint the whole time.

The Alternative: Turning to Allah

You don't have to wait for someone to die to call upon Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and say, grant me sabr. You don't have to wait for a major tragedy in your life. Daily shakwa to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in a way that doesn't express displeasure with your situation, but in a way of trusting Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, loving Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, knowing that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is the only one who is both capable and willing to listen to me and help me at any time.

And I want you to think about this advice for a moment. There's an authentic hadith in Sahih Muslim and Imam Ahmad. It's a very powerful hadith.

The Hadith of Jibreel's Advice

You know, we have hadith Qudsi, which obviously is Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala talking and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam are narrating what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has said, but it's not Quran. And obviously we have the hadith of the Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. But what makes this hadith unique? This hadith is a hadith of Jibreel alayhi wa sallam.

But not the hadith of Jibreel, which is what is Iman, what is Islam, what is Ihsan. No, no. Jibreel alayhi wa sallam advising the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

It's an authentic hadith, outside of his capacity of delivering the wahi. And we know that because he says to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, Ya Muhammad, Ya Muhammad. And when Jibreel alayhi wa sallam is addressing him this way, he's showing the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, look, this is advice from me to you.

SubhanAllah. The best of the angels, giving advice to the best of human beings and the best of all creation. Ya Muhammad.

And he wants to give Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam some advice. He says:

"Live however you want to, but know that you're one day going to die."

"Love whoever you want, but know that you're going to be taken away from that person."

You're going to be separated from that person. Either they're going to die first, or you're gonna die first. Or long distance, whatever it is. You're going to be separated from that person.

"Do whatever you want, but know that you will be granted exactly what you have done."

On the akhirah, the reward for your deeds. Right? You will find the payment of your deeds. So go ahead and act, and do the deeds that you want to do. But know that one day you have to be held accountable for them.

And listen to these last two advices, and this is what I want to focus on, because of the shortage of time. He says:

"Know that the honor of the believer is his standing up in qiyam to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, his nobility, and his sense of dignity is being independent of people."

SubhanAllah.

Listen how powerful this advice is, when you take them together. Now obviously if you break up this hadith, it could be five khutbas in a row. I think everyone recognize that. Each advice is loaded. But specifically let's look at the last two, and tie them together.

Know that the nobility of a believer is his standing up in qiyam al-layl, praying to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, crying to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, telling Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala what Allah already knows.

But in a way of placing his dependence upon him. And his sense of dignity is being independent of the people.

The Balance of Independence and Asking for Help

Now this is something that's problematic because if you take that last statement in particular, does that mean that we can't ask for help? Does that mean that we shouldn't, if we're in a bind, we can't ask other people to help us out? To an extent, yes.

To an extent, yes. Because Abu Bakr as-Siddiq radiallahu anhu says:

(Sunan Abu Dawood Hadith 1643)

"I took an allegiance, a pledge to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that I will not ask anyone for anything."

Now of course Abu Bakr is a special person who has an elevated standard, right? The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam sets a different standard for him.

But the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said:

(Sahih al-Bukhari Hadith 1429)

"The upper hand is always better than having the lower hand."

And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said:

"The higher hand is the one that's giving, the one that's always giving. And the lower hand is the one that's always asking."

Sometimes you're in a bind, sometimes you need help, sometimes you need to go to people. And whether it's emotional or it's financial or whatever it is, sometimes you have to ask people for help. But a person should try his best to put all of his needs to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and to abandon what people have.

The Perfect Islamic System

And that's a problematic concept because then you say, well wait a minute, how are we gonna know who's poor? How are we gonna know? Does that mean that we can't give sadaqah? What about zakah? What about sadaqah?

And this is the perfect system that Islam created. That the Muslim who has is supposed to go look for the one who needs. And there's a difference between being in need and not going out and begging the people and becoming vulnerable and saying, help me, help me, help me.

Between that type of person and a person who's in need and other people can see that and they come to him or her to help. There's a total difference. Unfortunately, because of the imperfection of the way that

Emotional Independence

You know subhanAllah, whenever you become dependent on one person or you become dependent on a group of people, you are at their mercy. SubhanAllah, you weaken yourself. You start to have a low self- esteem. You start to have a defeated mentality.

And you get used to being a bum. You know the whole saying of teach a man how to fish or give him a fish. You give him a fish, you feed him for a day. You teach him how to fish, you feed him for a year, right? You get used to that sometimes. You get used to, oh man, I'm having a rough day. I need to complain to this person.

I need to call up this person. Oh, I need money. I know I can always go to this person. I know I can always go to that person. And you're complaining. And you're making yourself vulnerable and weak.

And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

Allah wants to make things easy for you. And Ibn Rajab rahimahullah, he says very beautifully.

He says that people go to the door of this person, and that person, and that person. This malik and that malik, this king or that king. But (مَلِكُ الْمُلُوكِ - malikul muluk), the king of kings has his door always open for you.

And you only go there in times of tragedy. No. When you develop a habit of turning to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And complaining to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, not in a way that expresses displeasure with him. And shakwa, Imam al-Qayyim rahimahullah, is one of the most beloved forms of dua.

The Examples of the Prophets

It's the dua of Ya'qub alayhi wa sallam:

"I only complain of my grief and my sadness to Allah."

I'm not gonna worry about you. I'm going to complain about my grief and my sadness to Allah. You know what I'm going through, but I'm going to turn to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

Ayyub alayhi wa sallam, all of the stuff that happened to him. He complained to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, there was shakwa. But the way he complains:

"Indeed, adversity has touched me, and you are the most merciful of the merciful."

Just a few words, it showed his attitude with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. O Allah, You know about my situation. And you know it's good to talk about your situation with Allah because we as human beings naturally, we like to talk about our problems.

We like to talk about what we're going through. You know subhanAllah many times, it was funny because I was once watching a show on psychiatry and things of that sort. There was one person who was talking about, basically if you think about it, and this is not to insult any psychiatrist because your work is important, because there is serious clinical depression, no doubt about it.

But sometimes people go there without really needing them and they don't need the antidepressant, they don't need that. But you know what, I wanna go inside that office and sit on that nice couch and lay back and complain for an hour and then pay $600 at the end and tell you, you are the greatest psychiatrist that exists on the face of the earth. You're such a good listener, right?

And brothers, if you wanna try helping your wives, sometimes when your wives complain to you, don't try to offer them solutions, just listen.

Listen, subhanAllah, we as human beings naturally want to be heard. We naturally want someone to hear us and listen to us, right? That's just the way that we are. That's the way we're programmed.

Allah Programmed Us to Turn to Him

And Allah programmed us that way so that we would complain and turn to Him subhanahu wa ta'ala. And the prophets did it.

Zakaria alayhi wa sallam, when he's saying to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala:

"My Lord, indeed my bones have weakened, and my head has filled with white, and never have I been in my supplication to You, my Lord, unhappy."

My bones on the inside, you know, they're completely decaying. They're gone. And the gray hair on my head, you see where it is, oh Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, it's oppressed me. It's blowing up.

Literally the word that he uses is اشْتَعَلَ which means a fire broke out on my head and there's not a single black hair on my head. And as al-Baghawi rahimahullah said, what was Zakaria alayhi wa sallam doing? He's saying, oh Allah, you know my inside and you know my outside.

"You are the Strong and we are the weak. You are the" (أَنتَ الْقَوِيُّ وَنَحْنُ الضُّعَفَاءُ، أَنتَ الْغَنِيُّ وَنَحْنُ الْفُقَرَاءُ إِلَيْكَ Self-sufficient and we are completely in need of you."

We are completely in need of you. You are the one who is all bestowed with power and endowed with power. And we are the ones who are completely weak. We could do nothing without you, oh Allah.

That way you're not expressing displeasure with him. But you know what? Someone hears you all the time. And when you have Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, you don't need anyone else to hear out your problems. You don't need anyone else to listen to your problems. Because you know that you're calling upon the one who doesn't get saddened whenever you call upon him.

You're not going to harm Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. But you know that you're calling upon the one who has your best interests as a priority. And at the same time, is fully capable of helping you at any time.

The Dignity Through Islam

We ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to make us amongst those who turn to Him in our everyday lives with our small problems, our minor problems, and with our harsh problems and major problems and tragedies. And we ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala not to make us amongst those who are forbidden from the pleasure and the lazza of turning to Him and making du'a and standing in qiyam al-layl. Allahumma ameen.

As Umar ibn al-Khattab radiallahu ta'ala said in the famous statement when he entered into Al-Quds:

"We are a people who Allah gave dignity to through Islam, and if we seek dignity through anything else, Allah will humiliate us."

And that statement has so many dimensions. If we seek worth and security only by turning to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will only cause us to be amongst those who are humiliated. Whether it is for your emotional needs or your physical needs, try turning to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala consistently or else you will feel the heat of this life because that's how we're programmed.

"And whoever turns away from My remembrance - indeed, he will have a depressed life."

Life is gonna suffocate you. Your job, your relationships, everything is going to feel suffocating because you're eventually going to run out of people to call upon. And eventually the person that you keep on calling even though he might love you and he might respect you and he might have your best interests at heart.

Eventually when you keep calling and he keeps picking up the cell phone or she keeps picking up the cell phone and seeing that same name, they're gonna start making excuses. Putting on the caller ID and go, I'm busy, I'm in a halaqah. They might even start lying to say, I don't wanna talk to you right now.

But Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, the one who's both capable and willing to help you at any time.

The One Who is Both Capable and Willing

And think about this, Imam al-Qayyim rahimahullah says and I'll end with this. In this life you'll find someone who's capable of helping you but he won't be willing to help you.

There are people that are multi, multi, multi millionaires and I don't care what kind of financial hardship you're going through. You could go to that person if they wrote you a check, it wouldn't affect them much. They wrote you a check, they could take care of you for the next 10 years.

You never have to worry about your financial troubles again. But they're not willing to help you. And there are some people that are always willing to help you but they're not capable of helping you.

Your mother loves you. Your mother wants you to be a rich person. Your mother wants you to have everything in life. Your mother wants you to be the president, to be this and to be that. But she won't be capable of giving it to you.

But Allah is both willing and capable at all times. And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, unlike people who get upset when you keep on calling them:

(Sunan at-Tirmidhi Hadith 3373)

"Whoever doesn't ask Allah, Allah becomes angry with him for not asking of him."

So develop that relationship. Strengthen that relationship. Direct your concerns towards him. And know that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will make a way out for you.

As Imam Ash-Shafi'i says:

"To stand at the doors of people is a way of forbidding yourself. It's a way of depriving yourself."

And he says, and laziness and incapability is that a human being needs another human being.

"So when do you put all of your hope and all of your trust into another created being. And expect that he's going to get you out of your situation."

When you have (الْإِيمَانُ وَالرَّحْمَنُ) subhanahu wa ta'ala

"So then put your trust in the one who gives to this one and he forbids this person."

Because at the end of the day:

"Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is planning our day. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala's Qadr is precise and daily."

And as he said rahimahu Allah ta'ala that whoever has Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala then Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is sufficient for him.

Closing Dua

We ask Allah to bless us with his pleasure, with his Rida, with his love. We ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to honor us to be able to wake up and pray Qiyam al-Layl and to call upon him subhanahu wa ta'ala and to direct our needs towards him. We ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala not to put us at the mercy of any human being.