A Love Story in the Prophet’s ﷺ Year of Grief | Khutbah by Sh. Elshinawy

In the Name of Allah

We begin in the name of Allah always, and we praise Him and we thank Him and we seek His help and His guidance and His forgiveness. And we testify to His unique oneness and to the finality of the Prophethood of Muhammad ﷺ. And reminding myself and you with the taqwa of Allah, to be conscious of Allah at all times and places as best as we can.

The Greatness of Khadija

Brothers and sisters, there was nobody and there will be nobody ever like Khadija radiallahu anha.

Not just because she was the only woman to be married to our Prophet ﷺ and have him all to herself for 25 years. Not only because she was in fact the very first person to ever believe in his message on the face of the earth. Not just because she was the only mother of his surviving children.

Not only because she was the greatest woman of the greatest generation ever brought out to humanity. But because she may have actually been the greatest woman of all time.

(Sahih al-Bukhari)

The best of her women, the women of her respective time, was Maryam, the mother of Jesus, peace be upon them both. And the best of her women, her contemporaries, was Khadija radiallahu anha.

As Imam al-Nawawi said, and then he stopped ﷺ. He didn't referee between them, so the verdict may in fact be out.

In another hadith, he said ﷺ, the best of all the women of paradise are Maryam bint Imran, may Allah be pleased with her. And Asiya bint Muzahim, the wife of the tyrant pharaoh who believed in Moses. And Khadija bint Khuwaylid, the woman of the hour today. And Fatima, the daughter of Muhammad ﷺ. And he said, and the distinction of Aisha over the other women, beyond these four, is like the virtue of the most prized food we have over any other food.

What Made Her Amazing

What made her so amazing? First of all, don't be surprised that she might be the greatest woman of all time, because it would be perfectly suitable that Allah set up the greatest human being of all time with the greatest, most supportive, most righteous woman of all time. And that is the first lesson today, that especially when it comes to spouses, life partners, they are far more often than we think, reflections of each other.

Oftentimes we like to think that our spouse or our spouse-to-be is that different from us, but they're actually not. And so the exception is rare. The rule of thumb is Allah sets you up with a person to keep your pace, or close to it.

And that is why the Salaf, the early Muslims would say, if you want Fatima, you need to be Ali. May Allah be pleased with them both. And if you want Ali, you need to be Fatima.

To keep projecting blame that no one's good enough or my spouse is so bad, it's actually the wrong way to look at it. You may want to look in the mirror.

The Greeting from Allah and Jibreel

But what made her so great? Some glimpses of her greatness, though we will for sure fail in this khutbah to communicate her greatness. Take this one hadith for example.

(Sahih al-Bukhari)

In Sahih al-Bukhari, the Prophet ﷺ told us that Jibreel said to me once, Khadijah is turning the corner right now. With her is some food and some drink. When she comes, tell her, tell her her Lord is extending to her salams, greeting her, and extend to her salams from me as well.

And the hadith continues, but Khadijah comes and he says, Jibreel just told me to tell you that Allah relays you his salams. And Jibreel as well relays you his salams.

How does she respond? It's actually an indication, a testament to her greatness. She said, Allah is the source of all peace and upon you and upon Gabriel be peace.

I want you to realize this is early Islam. She didn't need to be told you don't say peace be upon God. God is where peace flows from. There is no peace, no harmony, no tranquility, except that it comes from God. And if it doesn't come from God, it doesn't come. So she said, Allah is السلام and upon you and upon Gabriel be سلام.

You know, even some of the senior companions made this mistake, by the way. Abdullah ibn Mas'ud radiallahu anhu, just a contrast. He said, we used to say, when we were first saying tashahud in prayer, السلام على الله، السلام على جبريل، السلام على ميكائيل, peace be upon God, peace be upon Gabriel, peace be upon Michael. And the Prophet ﷺ would correct us and say, say التحيات لله. Don't say peace be upon God. Say all salutations, all honorings belong to God and peace be upon the righteous.

Khadija didn't need to be told that. She instinctively, intuitively had such a clear conceptualization, image, if you will, of God in her heart. God is السلام.

Her Home in Paradise

And then the Prophet continued to tell her, after the greetings from God and Gabriel, he said to her, and he told me to tell you, glad tidings of a home in paradise. A home that is made out of a pearl. It's not pearl tiles. It is a pearl, a massive pearl, 60 miles in the sky, carved out, that's your home. And in it, there is no loud noise, and in it, there is no exhaustion. Peace, tranquility, quiet, comfort.

Why did he call it a home and not a palace, when clearly it's a palace? Because she was the home of the Prophet ﷺ. You know, in English we say, the difference between a house and a home is that home is where the love is. She was his sanctuary, where he would go back to.

You know, she raised his kids for him, even if it's the most righteous house. Kids are kids, humans are humans. It can get loud. Life is never an Instagram moment, as they say, right? It's not picturesque. It's work, it's labor. Life is strife, as they say. She was his home, and so Allah picked for her a perfect prize. She gets a home, where there will be no more noise, and no more exhaustion.

Perfect Rewards for Perfect Deeds

And this is a lesson for us as well, that Allah picks for every deed its most perfect prize. When we learn in Islam that Ibrahim ﷺ is sitting at al-Bayt al-Ma'mur, the Ka'bah of the heavens, awaiting there until the day of judgment. Why did Allah have his soul there? Because he built the Ka'bah of the earth, or rebuilt it.

Why in Islam are we told that Bilal, the Prophet ﷺ said, in a vision, in a dream, revelation from Allah, I heard your footsteps ahead of me in paradise, O Bilal. Why? No way he's better than the Prophet ﷺ. Nobody is. Then why ahead? It's because Bilal was always walking ahead of the Prophet ﷺ, to the masjid, to call Adhan, to which the Prophet would respond.

Why is it that Zayd ibn Harithah, radiallahu anhu, is the only companion whose name is in the Qur'an? Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman, Ali, cannot be compared with among the companions. None of them are spelled out in the Qur'an by name. Only Zayd gets that honor. Why? Because Zayd accepted losing his name, his last name. He used to be called Zayd ibn Muhammad, Zayd the son of Muhammad. Then the revelation came down and said adoption shouldn't happen in this way. It's taking care of orphans, yes, but not in the way that erases your biological ancestry. There's rights dependent on this. So you are no longer Zayd the son of Muhammad, which is the most honorific name. You are Zayd the son of Harithah. He accepted that. So how did Allah reward him? By putting his first name in the Qur'an and nobody else's.

You see how it matches the prize? Why is it that of all those martyred in the lifetime of the Prophet ﷺ, we are told that Jafar in particular was given two wings to fly in paradise wherever he wanted because Jafar was the one that lost his two arms holding up the flag of the Muslims at Mu'tah.

And so when you remember Khadijah and her home, right, where there is no noise and no exhaustion, remember it's because that's what she put forward for the Deen of Allah Azza wa Jal. She was the emotional anchor of his home. She exerted so much of her protective nurturance, grounding. She reminded him when he came back shivering from the cave, right? It wasn't just his kids. She reassured him.

The Balance of Protective Nurturance

You know, I'll tell you something, brothers and sisters, in light of, you know, the gender wars that are force-fed to us in modern times, a woman will hardly ever find tranquility without leaning into that strength of hers, that even desire of hers, hardwired inside of them to exert, to exhibit protective nurturance. And men as well, men will hardly ever find tranquility in their lives without having at home someone that can offer them that protective nurturance. And the Prophet ﷺ actually spoke to this.

(Bukhari and Muslim)

In Bukhari and Muslim, he said, the best women to ever ride camelback, meaning the best women on earth. The righteous women of Quraysh are the righteous women of Quraysh. Of course, Khadija is among them, actually atop them. Then he describes why. He says, Because they are most tender to kids, to the children in their youngest years, and they are most protective, protective nurturance, most protective of their husbands with regard to that which belongs to them.

But you know, in this day and age, when sort of a woman parrots, I don't need no man. And then men go their own way. That's actually the name of a movement. Men go their own way. They both suffer. But you know who suffers the most? The children suffer the most for a lifetime as adults, because the parents couldn't stop acting like children with this bickering.

You know, 46% of single-parent homes, and they're a lot. As of 2012, one of three kids in this country is born out of wedlock, let alone divorce rates. 46% of single-parent homes grow up with financial instability. But let me ask you a question. Do you think the other, the remaining 54% actually got away scot-free? The other 54%, so many of them were able to secure, even through a single parent, financial security at the expense of emotional security. And that is why you see these harrowing, horrific numbers of single-parent homes and delinquency rates, juvenile detention rates, poor academic performance, sort of gang membership, suicide rates, negative mental health outcome, all of that.

Because the emotional security, you know, if a woman has to work, that's called being a superhero. Like, working mother is a redundant statement. It's two full-time jobs and more. But to volunteer for this, nobody wins, especially the kids.

Khadijah provided our Prophet ﷺ with all of that and more.

Aisha's Jealousy and the Prophet's Loyalty

So much so that our mother Aisha, who is the most virtuous of women on the planet, but she was still human. So she says, I was never jealous of any of the wives of the Prophet ﷺ the way I was jealous of Khadijah, and I never once met her, but it's because of how much he would speak of her. He would always talk about her and praise her.

She said when her sister Hala would knock on the door and ask permission to enter, to ask some question or otherwise, he would become cheerful and say, اللهم هالة, oh Allah let it be Hala. Because he said because of how much she used to sound like Khadijah, like the register of her voice, how much she used to speak like Khadijah, she would use similar phrases. Then he would let her in, he would welcome her and he would say, how are you guys after us, after the families went their separate ways naturally, right, with the death of Khadijah. Then he would slaughter a lamb, she says, and he'll say, where are the friends of Khadijah? And he would send them meat and say, they used to like my wife. They used to like Khadijah.

She said he would speak about her so much that I lost my temper once and I said Khadijah, Khadijah. You always talk about Khadijah this and Khadijah that, as if there's no one on earth but Khadijah. And so he said to me, I was provided, you know, who's the provider? Allah. And Allah provides, you know, like sustenance, food and drink. He's saying, Allah nourished me, if you will, with loving her. And then he said, then he went on, she said, to say even more things.

You know what else she was like? You know what else she was like? Aisha said, one time, I lost my temper and I said something that I spent a month asking Allah to cause the Prophet to become pleased with me. And I promised him that if he does, I'll never speak negatively of Khadijah again.

What did she say? She said, one time I slipped and I said, I don't understand. This is a senior elderly woman with red gums, you know, red gums means teeth had fallen out. She's trying to say like nothing's there but red gums, right? Red gums that had died of old age, Allah has replaced you with someone better. She's referring to who? To herself? And the Prophet ﷺ stopped her there.

And he said, I swear to you, Allah never gave me anyone better. And we all know what Aisha meant to him. He's saying, no one ever gave me anyone, Allah never gave me anyone like Khadijah.

And then he said, she believed in me when the world rejected me and called me a liar. And she spent on me from her wealth when the world withheld their resources from me. And Allah provided me with children through her and did not provide me with children through any other woman.

The Year of Grief

This is also why brothers and sisters, it is incredibly difficult to imagine how difficult it was, how hard on him it was to watch him die in front of him, watch her die in front of him after the starvation of the three years of boycott. You know, the Muslims were forced between two mountains and those who were not physically capable, they slowly deteriorated. He saw her falling apart in front of him and was powerless in the worldly sense to do anything for the one that kept him together from falling apart herself.

So much so that when she died, it was called the year of grief. And this is another important lesson. Whenever life lies to you and tells you things aren't going your way, God hates you or something. Did God hate the Prophet ﷺ? No. He gave him the most difficult of tests and only he is able to give him the patience to go through those tests and you're the same in that regard. He wishes to elevate you, gives you tests that you can handle if you just turn to him the right way.

You know, as the poet said about all of the trials he gave him, he said, you never saw your father's face and hardly felt the warmth of your mother's embrace. Then your grandfather who adopts you now, his heart would burn with concern and then death would come to him in turn with no one to look up to. You're still a child at this point.

You set your gaze to the sky and when you live for truth, it hurts. It cuts deeper when they say that you lie, the poet says. He says, doesn't it? And yet you move on. You take it all in stride. The honest Prophet who by his own people is belied.

Then he has only two pillars of support, an uncle and a perfect wife. And in the same year, the year of grief, both would lose their life. Gabriel came, gave Khadija his salams, gave her news of a house in paradise. But then another, another angel had to come to your house to collect the price, the angel of death.

He said, then you went to a Ta'if seeking support for the mission you have to spread. They taunted you, they stoned you, they sent their kids after you until they stoned you until you bled. And then at Uhud you're struck with vicious blows. And then your wife Aisha, she is accused with rumors, accusations that caused pain Allah only knows.

And then he says, and then Jafar, your dear cousin Jafar, his absence ends and from Abyssinia he would come. And on the same day he is martyred, Jafar along with Zayd, your adopted son. And then Ruqayya would pass away and Zaynab and Umm Kulthum as well, his own daughters. And then you carry Ibrahim in your arms with a heart that bursts and eyes that swell.

Death would take permission from you, O Muhammad ﷺ to take your soul, but not the souls of those you love. And yet you never objected ﷺ to the tests that came from up above. The trials made you stronger and for Allah's perfect company you would yearn. For it is to Allah that we belong and to Him we return.

This was the greatest man ever because of the greatest trials ever, because he had from Allah the greatest love ever.

A Final Lesson in Submission

Brothers and sisters, there is one more hadith I wish to include here for a profound lesson behind it. After the battle of Badr, the husband of the Prophet's daughter Zaynab, his eldest daughter, was among the captives who had enlisted and joined to wage war on the Prophet ﷺ. Zaynab was still in Mecca, he let her stay in Mecca because her husband was a good man, but then he joined. He was captured.

People were sending packages, offerings as ransom to the Muslims in Medina to release their captives. Among what shows up in Medina is a package from Zaynab and they bring the Prophet ﷺ and he sees the necklace of Zaynab. The narrator says, He became intensely, extremely emotional seeing this necklace because this was actually the necklace of Khadijah who had she had given it to her eldest daughter Zaynab on her wedding night. She's paying it to get her husband back and so the Prophet ﷺ turns to the Sahaba and says, If you're okay with it, you can release her captive for her, and you can give back to her her wealth, her property.

Why is this so profound? He's telling them, even though I'm the Prophet of Allah, even if I'm emotionally charged right now, I still cannot impose against the laws of Allah my own rules. I know my boundaries. And this is a Muslim. This is a religious person.

Everyone's pious, brothers and sisters. Always remember that when your feelings and the religion happen to coincide. And it happens a lot because this religion is a natural religion and lots of feel good from Allah's way. But the test, the discernment happens when your feelings are one way and the religion is committing you, for justice or otherwise, to go another way.

The religious person takes his feelings by the neck, and forces them to fold, forces them to conform to the way of Allah. And the superficially religious, the weak in their religious person, takes their religion and bends it at the neck, discards it or distorts it, Allah forbid, to align with their feelings.

At the end of the day, being Muslim means to submit. And he showed us ﷺ right then and there what submission looks like in its most pristine, beautiful form.

Conclusion

May Allah grant us an opportunity in Jannah to meet our mother Khadija and to kiss her hands and her feet for all that she has done for our Prophet ﷺ and for extension for us all.

May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and upon his family and companions.