Opposite Sex Interactions

Opposite Sex Interactions - Nouman Ali Khan

Opening and Introduction

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ، وَالصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَى سَيِّدِ الْأَنْبِيَاءِ وَالْمُرْسَلِينَ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ أَجْمَعِينَ. السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ Quran Weekly. I'm going to recite an ayah at the beginning of this small session so you have some perspective of what I'm going to share with you.

Quranic Recitation

أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ

And when he arrived at the water of Madyan, he found there a crowd of people watering [their flocks], and he found aside from them two women driving back [their flocks]. He said, "What is your circumstance?" They said, "We do not water until the shepherds dispatch [their flocks]; and our father is an old man."

Context: Musa's Journey to Madian

Allah tells us numerous stories in the Qur'an of Musa alayhi salam in different places. And one of the things he tells us in Suratul Qasas is that when he ran away from Egypt after having accidentally killed a person by punching him, he finally reached the waters of Madian and he pursued the waters of Madian and finds a bunch of people giving water to their sheep there.

The Scene: Two Women at the Well

And besides them, you could say on top of the hill almost, he sees two women وَوَجَدَ مِن دُونِهِمْ امْرَأَتَيْنِ tazudan that they're pulling on, the word used tazudan he saw two women there that are pulling or tugging at their sheep. Like they're having this tug of war match with their sheep where they're not really winning. And it looked really weird to him from a distance that these women are struggling with their animals in this way while everybody else is comfortably feeding their animals at the water.

Musa's Approach: Appropriate Interaction

So he went up to them and said قَالَ مَا خَطْبُكُمَا He said, what's your problem? What's going on here? You know, what's the deal? This already is a huge lesson. You know, we are supposed to have haya, men are supposed to have modesty and they're supposed to guard their tongue and their eyes and things like that. But when someone's in trouble or somebody's having trouble, there's nothing wrong with you going and saying, can I be of service? What's going on here? But you have to mind yourself, right? So he didn't go and have an elaborate conversation and try to make small talk with them.

He just went and said مَا خَطْبُكُمَا What's going on with both of you? And they responded, قَالَتَا لَا نَسْقِي حَتَّىٰ يُصْدِرَ الرِّعَاءُ They said, we can't feed our animals until the entire flock of everyone else is done. There's men down there, apparently they don't have a lot of courtesy. So they're feeding their animals and they won't give us room. We don't want to rub elbows with them and go and feed our animals. So we're going to wait until they're all done and all gone, even if it takes us all afternoon, and eventually we'll give our sheep and our goats, etc., some water. Of course the goats and sheep are not that understanding, and they don't understand these laws.

Women in the Workplace: Economic Necessity

So the animal sees the water and it wants to rush towards it and they have to constantly pull back on them. I bring this up because this is a really cool example in the Qur'an of women in the workplace. They explained that وَأَبُونَا شَيْخُ كَبِيرٌ They said, our father's an old man.

And because he's old, it's understood, it's in between the lines that he's not able to work anymore. He's not able to tend to the animals and take care of the expenses of the household and everything else. And he only has daughters.

He's got two girls. And you know what? They have to go out there and work. This is a reality for so many people. Because of their economic situation, their unique family situation, be it divorce, be it the death of a husband, be it the only daughters that are in a household taking care of the family, old parents, they have to go out in the workforce. It's not something that our deen forbids. It's something that Qur'an itself talks about.

Maintaining Principles While Working

But there are ethics mentioned. These girls, what's remarkable about them, the few things Allah tells us about them in Surah Al-Qasas are very telling. A principle of haya. Because you're going to be at the workforce, necessarily situations will come that it might be convenient to compromise your standards. Standards of haya, standards of shame, standards of modesty. But so long as you stick to your principles, you can still get work done. It might be inconvenient, just like they were inconvenienced, but you have to, I mean at the end of the day, you have to, your principles cannot move. They cannot budge. So they did that.

And actually Musa alayhi salam didn't even ask them, so may I take your animals and help you out? Allah says فَسَقَىٰ لَهُمَا He just grabbed them and fed them and brought them back ثُمَّ تَوَلَّى إِلَى الظِّلِّ

Then he sat back down in the shade.

Dealing with Non-Mahram Men: Confidence and Boundaries

So these women, this brief account of Musa alayhi salam interacting with these women is extremely telling about a situation that will still occur and will always be occurring in the future. And that is of our sisters, our daughters, our mothers, that might have to be in the workforce.

And when they do, how are they to carry themselves? Understand that when they were talking to Musa, they didn't know he's a prophet. So they dealt with him like they would deal with any other man. They were really straight up and abrupt with him.

And they told him, we're not going down there until these men are done. حَتَّى يُصْدِرَ الرِّعَاءُ And don't get any ideas. وَأَبُونَا شَيْخُ كَبِيرٌ Our dad is a big shaykh.

Wisdom in Their Response

So smart. Because the word shaykh in Arabic means old, old man. So one way they're saying our father is a very old man. But the word shaykh in Arabic also means someone who enjoys a lot of heavy social status. So on the other hand, they're saying, hey, you seem like a big guy. But wait, hold on a second. Before you get any ideas, our dad, he's a really big shaykh. Okay? So just because we're working here doesn't mean that we don't have backup. We have a big shaykh at home.

Raising Confident Yet Modest Daughters

SubhanAllah. So they were able to carry themselves in this confident, wonderful way. I pray to Allah Azza wa Jalla that I'm able to raise daughters that are confident like that, that have their hayat on the one hand. And on the other hand, they're able to engage with the outside world in a healthy, meaningful way. And that me as a father do a good enough job like that man did, where he can send his daughters out knowing that these guys are not very courteous to women. He can send them out and know they can handle themselves.

This is very powerful. Right? That he had enough confidence in them that he can handle themselves. And if somebody listens to just this and says, well, these girls must have been tomboys. They must have been really outgoing like boyish personalities where they're not very shy.

The Balance: Confidence and Shyness

I mean, the next ayah tells us

One of them came back walking shyly. Allah mentions her shyness when she's walking towards Musa alayhi salam

قَالَتْ إِنَّ أبي يَدْعُوكَ No doubt, my dad's the one calling you.

She tells him, my dad's calling you. He wants to pay you for the help you did for us. But she came and she had modesty. She had shyness. So Allah acknowledges on the one hand their confidence, the fact that they're outgoing, the fact that they're being trusted by their dad to deal with the outside world. On the other hand, the quality of shyness is highlighted when they're dealing with a non-mahram man.

Conclusion: Powerful Ethics for Workplace Interactions

So it's a very beautiful story that in such small words highlights some of the very powerful ethics and moral principles that guide our interactions in the workforce. May Allah azza wa jal guide the men and women that are in the workforce and help them never compromise their principles when they are there.

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