Khutba - Modesty, The Missing Element

Khutba - Modesty, The Missing Element

Opening and Introduction

As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Satan.

"[For those who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good; And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves, remember Allah and seek forgiveness for their sins - and who can forgive sins except Allah? - and [who] do not persist in what they have done while they know.]"

I am actually fairly overwhelmed to be speaking about this subject. It's been something that's been on my mind for a long time. The subject, as many of you already know, is the matter of haya, modesty, shame, and actually, more so than shame, I really want to talk about shamelessness and its consequences, the lack of shame.

The Need for This Discussion

The reason I feel like I need to be talking about this and giving it more attention is that Muslims generally across this country, and maybe even all over the world, need to give this subject extra attention because we're living in particularly shameless times. I wanted to make sure that this discussion is actually comprehensive. So what I'm intending to do is, over the course of the next six or seven months, to turn this into somewhat of a series, and this will serve as the beginning of that series.

This will be the first of many discussions to come on the same subject. I wanted to deal with this with some level of detail because I think it is something that all of us need to have an honest conversation about from many different angles. This is something that affects the Muslims from many different points of view.

Personal Context and Family Impact

It has many consequences. And not having an honest, detailed, in-depth conversation about this, and a heart-to-heart about this matter, has several very negative consequences that we're seeing around us already. I want to preface my conversation with something I mention often in my speeches: I am a father of three daughters, in addition to two sons. Alhamdulillah. I have sisters. And this is something that affects all of you as much as it affects me.

This matter of shamelessness is a matter that influences and affects how the family is constituted and how the family is even raised, and what the moral outlook of the family is. This is something very close to home. For this reason, this is something that should be given a lot of care and consideration.

I pray that Allah gives me clarity in speech, that I'm able to communicate a message to you that is beneficial and effective for you. And I pray that this series is a benefit to myself and to Muslims in general.

Three Critical Trends in Our Society

I wanted to start with something that I've talked about in other contexts previously, but I want to reiterate it because it sets the tone for this discussion. I want all of us to be cognizant, very aware of three trends in our society - three trends in the world in which we live, especially here in America, that we need to be aware of and remind ourselves of before we have a healthy discussion about modesty.

First Trend: Proliferation of Shamelessness

The first of those trends is that shamelessness and vulgarity is common and proliferating. It is all over the place. There's a mass proliferation of that which is rude and shameless and vulgar and despicable. And it's common.

It's as common as the air around us. It is all over this society. And it's something that you cannot ever even pretend to escape. It is there. It's in your face. It's going to be there every single day. Whether it's in the workplace, or it's on your laptop, or it's around when you're driving down the street and it's on the billboard, or it's on the radio, or it's in the speech, the kind of words people use, or the way people dress, whatever it may manifest itself in, it is all around us. And it gets worse by the day.

Now I want to preface this statement. You know the standards in Islam, the teachings of Allah's Deen, they're standard. They don't change. The things that were right and the things that were wrong a thousand years ago are still right and still wrong. And the things that were unacceptable 1,500 years ago, 1,400 years ago when they were first revealed, they are still unacceptable. Those standards don't change.

The Problem of Desensitization

What was vulgar and shameless back then is still vulgar and shameless today. Of course these things, they take different forms. Time changes, society changes, technology changes, and shamelessness, and lewdness, and vulgarity, they take different forms. What used to be a filthy word before, even in English, may have disappeared. And now there's new filthy language. So that changes over time. But the standards themselves are constant. They don't move.

But I'm talking about shamelessness becoming worse and worse, not even from the Islamic point of view, but from the American point of view. America was a far more modest place 100 years ago. It was a far more shameful place 50 years ago, 30 years ago, 20 years ago. The standards keep on dropping.

You know when something's all around you and you see it all the time? You know what happens to you? It becomes normal to you. Maybe the first time you see it, you're shocked. But when you see it the next

day, and the next day, and the next year, and the next year, it's just a part of life. Then you see it, and you're like, whatever. I've seen worse. You know, it's not a big deal to you anymore.

The big word here is desensitization. You're no longer sensitive to it. It no longer has an impact on you. So the first time when your heart was actually alive, and iman was in your heart, and when iman is in your heart, shame is in your heart too. When your iman was alive, you saw something shameless, the heart was disturbed. But as you are more and more exposed to shamelessness, the heart starts getting harder.

The Spiritual Dimension

- Whoever has iman in Allah, Allah guides his heart. So if the iman is gone, Allah removes the guidance.

So it affects everything. Later on in this series, I'll address shamelessness as a spiritual problem. We can talk about the rulings, and this and that, but really, at the heart of it, it is a spiritual problem. It is a problem of the iman itself. And the more shamelessness spreads, and the more you get used to it, the weaker your iman is getting.

Second Trend: Extreme Individualism

The second thing that is commonplace in our society is that individualism has taken an extreme form. It's turned into a monster. You know what individualism is? You're only worried about yourself. The expression we use is "looking out for number one."

In a capitalist society, that's expected in the marketplace. But what I'm saying is from the marketplace, that attitude has left the marketplace and entered into our homes. Entered into the psyche of the human being. Where we've become insanely self-centered.

In older societies across the world, taking care of your family was important. Taking care of your neighborhood was important. Taking care of your culture was important. But in our times, individualism is at an extreme. So extreme, that a person, even if they're Muslim, is so obsessed with themselves that they don't care about anybody else. Not even their parents. Not even their siblings. Not even their children. Not even their spouse.

The Reality of Selfish Relationships

Just to give you an example of why I'm talking about this individualism: one of these young men in this audience is regularly talking to a Muslim girl. Or worse. That's the reality. But when you do, you say, "I love her. I love her so much." You don't love her. You really don't. You actually completely care less for her. You think she's cute. That's all it is. You get a kick out of talking to her. You feel good about yourself. It's not about her. It's really about you. You're selfish.

If her parents find out the humiliation they will feel, if you dump her for another girl, or if she's embarrassed in the community, the things she goes through, you'll drop her like a bad habit because you don't care. All you care about is yourself. And she doesn't care about her own family and the pain she will cause them. You don't care about the fact that she's a Muslim and what you're doing is unacceptable to Allah.

Third Trend: Misplaced Sources of Dignity

The third problem is where your dignity comes from. Where your respect comes from. Where does your sense of worth come from? For a Muslim who understands his deen and the truth of that deen has entered into their heart, this is not a problem. But for the Muslim:

- [The iman] has not yet entered into your hearts yet.

When the iman has not entered into the heart, then it will be a problem.

In high school, when I first came to this country, it was an alien culture to me and I picked up something very quickly. Your dignity, your respect, your props, your popularity comes from the brand of clothes you wear and how you wear them. It comes from the kind of language you use and actually the kind of vulgar language you use. The more obnoxious and outrageous and unacceptable you are in public settings, the more popular you are.

On the side of women, your sense of worth comes from how many men, how many males can I get to stare at me and they can't take their eyes off of me. So the more inappropriately I dress and the more I try to get attention, the more I am worth something. That's where your sense of dignity comes from.

The Islamic Source of Dignity

Where do we get our respect from? Why do I have respect for myself? Before I have respect for anybody else, I have to have respect for myself. Where do I get it from? That Allah has given me the honor of making me from among the Muslims. That's enough for me. Allah honored me. Why do I need anybody else to give me honor? Why do I need anybody else to dignify me? I have been honored by Allah himself.

Allah says in Quran Surah Al-Hajj : هُوَ سَمَّاكُمُ الْمُسْلِمِينَ Quran (22:78) - He is the one who named you Muslims. We've been honored by Allah.

- To Allah alone does dignity and authority belong, and it belongs to His Messenger and the believers.

- The Sahaba used to say: Allah gave us dignity with Islam, and He will give us humiliation if we seek it elsewhere.

Natural Modesty Through Iman

Imagine a young man or a young woman who understands that. They don't dress like anybody else because they understand where their honor comes from - Allah. So she puts her hijab on and covers herself modestly. And the boy doesn't dress like these others. He's actually dressed in a modest dignified fashion. And he doesn't gawk at women when he goes down the hallway even though it's tempting. He keeps his gaze low.

When people look at him, they say, "Look at this kid. I feel sorry for him." But you know what's in his heart? "I feel sorry for these people. Allah created them human beings and they're no different than animals. How they humiliated themselves." So instead of feeling like you want to be like them, you'll actually feel sorry for them.

This happens when iman enters into the heart. Being modest, having respect for yourself is natural when iman is deeply rooted in the heart.

Combating Individualism Through Family Bonds

If you have iman in your heart, Allah gave us as a consequence of this iman that you're not only concerned about yourself. Who else are you concerned about? Others. And that ripple effect begins with your own family.

- And warn your closest family members.

This actually relates to a hadith from the Prophet (peace be upon him). A man came and he had urges. He said he wanted to commit zina. The fact that he was able to step out of shame and still come to the Prophet means this person had some iman left. So he came to the best counselor he could find, which is Allah's Messenger.

What counsel did the Prophet give? He said: Would you accept this for your mother? The man said no. Would you accept this for your sister? He said no. Would you accept this for your daughter? He said no. The Prophet said: Neither would people accept it for their mothers, sisters, and daughters. (Ahmad, Al-Musnad)

If you're a young man and you have a relationship with a girl, how acceptable is it to you that your sister should be in a relationship? How acceptable is it to you for someone to be staring at your mother, at your wife, at your daughter? It is unfathomable to us. Well, the one you have a relationship with is somebody's daughter. She's somebody's sister. She's also going to be somebody's wife. She's also going to be somebody's mother. Show some respect.

The Bond of Faith

Beyond family, family is the bond of blood. But there's a relationship Allah gave us that's even thicker than blood. When we all share La ilaha illa Allah, when we all share Muhammadun Rasulullah, this bond is