It s a Girl!

It's a Girl! - Khutbah by Nouman Ali Khan

Opening

I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Satan. After I say this, Allah says in His Noble Book - and every innovation is misguidance, and every misguidance is in the Fire.

The Verses from Surah An-Nahl

These verses are from Surah An-Nahl, Surah 16. The unfortunate reality is that what He is speaking about continues to this day. I will not begin with the verses where the topic begins, but I will begin with verses that come after the topic, meaning how the verses are - first and most - if Allah wills, speaking about it.

"And they attribute to Allah that which they dislike, and their tongues assert the falsehood that they will have the best [from Him]. Assuredly, they will have the Fire, and they will be [therein] neglected."

The Mentality Behind False Attribution

You preferred sons for yourselves but somehow Allah took angels as daughters for himself? Where do you come up with these ridiculous claims? You wouldn't want that for yourself. But behind it is a mentality. And the mentality is that Allah will be happy so long as you give Him something.

Just give Him something. But most of your life and everything that you work for and your priorities are for yourself. You have to live for yourself, not for Allah.

And so even if you're gonna give Allah something, it's almost like, you know, nobody likes paying taxes. And they like to get away with giving as little tax as possible. Well, giving zakah to Allah, giving sadaqah to Allah, giving a dedication or a devotion to Allah, even giving time to Allah, is something you just kind of have to do so that you can live the rest of your life for yourself.

That is the sick mentality that these people had. And that is what Allah comments on when He says, they give to Allah what they don't like for themselves. They'll give Allah the minimum amount of time, they'll give Allah the least, the worst of their dedications or their charities, etc.

The Eloquence of Lies

- And their tongues are very eloquent at coming up with lies. You know, Allah could just say (يَقُولُونَ الْكَذِبَ - yaquluna al-kathib) - They say lies. But He says (تَصِفُ أَلْسِنَتُهُمُ الْكَذِبَ - tasifu alsinatuhumu al-kathib) - their tongues describe lies.

تصِفُ means to describe something. Not everybody is good at describing things. So Allah is talking about people that are eloquent. Then He uses the word (أَلْسِنَةً - alsina). And (أَلْسِنَةً - alsina) you'll find in the Quran, every time tongues are used, is used for people who are very good at words.

They're very good with their words. So they have these flowery, elaborate explanations of lies that they beautify for themselves and the people around them. Now what is that lie? (أَنَّ لَهُمُ الْحُسْنَى - anna lahumu al-husna) - That they will have the absolute best.

That somehow whatever little they've given to Allah is such a big deal, that they should expect from Allah the best of the best of the best. This is their lie. (لا جَرَمَ أَنَّ لَهُمْ النَّارَ - la jarama anna lahumu al-nar) - There's no doubt about it. These people all they have is the fire. (وَأَنَّهُم مُّفْرَطُونَ - wa annahum mufratun) - And they are going to be stuffed and then stuffed further inside the fire.

Not even (مُدْخَلُونَ - mudkhalun) - They're going to be entered. إفراط in Arabic is to go beyond the limit. There's one thing to get pushed into hellfire. It's another to get pushed and then shoved even further. That's (مُفْرَطُونَ - mufratun). That's very serious ayat.

Allah's Oath

And then one of the few places in the Quran, very rarely, Allah swears by Himself. We have to understand the subject matter. Allah swears on serious occasions. It's not something small when Allah Himself swears. But even more serious when He swears by Himself.

And when Allah swears, in Arabic when you swear by Allah, you normally say, (والله - Wallah) - That's what you say. But even if that is not enough and you have to go out of your way, you say (تالله - Tallahi) - The ت is used.

And in this next ayah we find:

"By Allah, We did certainly send [messengers] to nations before you, but Satan made their deeds attractive to them. And he is their ally today [as well], and they will have a painful punishment."

I swear by Allah. Allah Himself is swearing by Himself. We had sent to many nations before them too. But what did Shaytan do with all of them? (فَزَيَّنَ لَهُمْ الشَّيْطَانُ أَعْمَالَهُمْ - fazayyana lahumu ash-shaytanu a'malahum) - Shaytan somehow beautified their deeds to them.

They did evil things and they were so convinced that they're doing some great thing. Or this is the way you're supposed to think, or this is the way you're supposed to behave. (فَهُوَ وَلِيُّهُمُ الْيَوْمَ وَلَهُمْ عَذَابٌ أَلِيمٌ - fahuwa waliyyuhumu al-yawma wa lahum 'adhabun alim) Then He is their friend then. On that day, on the Day of Judgment, then that's it. That's their friend. That's who they listen to. That's whose dictates and whose beautification they accepted.

This is some very harsh ayat about people who have the wrong kind of mindset. But these are the concluding ayat. These are not the ayat where this conversation begins.

The Beginning of the Passage

So I wanna now take you back and tell you where this passage begins. Allah says:

"And they attribute to Allah daughters - exalted is He - and for them is what they desire."

They attribute, they put in place for Allah daughters. (سُبْحَانَهُ - Subhanahu) - How perfect He is above that allegation. And then He says (وَلَهُم مَّا يَشْتَهُونَ - wa lahum ma yashtahun) - But they get to have what they love having. So they wanna give Allah daughters, but they love having what? Sons, right?

The Reaction to News of a Daughter

Now listen to this next ayah:

"And when one of them is given good tidings of [the birth of] a female, his face becomes dark, and he suppresses grief."

When one of them is given the congratulations of the girl. So this one is waiting for his wife to deliver the child. There are no sonograms back in the day. And now finally the baby comes out, he's waiting to hear the news, and he was hoping to hear that it's a boy, and the woman comes out, the wet nurse comes out, or whoever comes out, the midwife comes out, and she says, it's a girl.

And Allah says, (بِالْأُنثَى - bil untha) - Now in any culture, you say (أُنثَى - untha) not (الْأُنثَى - al-untha). In other words, you say a girl, not the girl. But to Allah, she is special. So He says (الأُنثَى - al-untha) - Not just any girl. التعريف هنا للتكريم - (وَإِذَا بُشِّرَ أَحَدُهُم بِالْأُنثَى - wa idha bushshira ahaduhum bil untha) - So He does, He honors this daughter that's been born.

So He's been given the news that this is a girl, and as soon as he hears about this girl (ظَلَّ وَجْهُهُ مُسْوَدًا - dhalla wajhuhu muswaddan) - His face turns dark. He doesn't say anything yet. Allah doesn't say He said anything. You could just see the darkness, the cloud hanging over His face.

This is Allah describing a mushrik. Someone who doesn't believe in Allah. And his crime with shirk, on the opposite end, he gets to have what he wants, and his shirk is then furthered, and he doesn't appreciate his own mother. When you don't appreciate a daughter, it's like you're not appreciating your own mother. That's where you came from. And so His face becomes darkened and depressed.

The Prophet's Teaching About Daughters

And you know before I even go further, this news that it's a girl. This is supposed to be a disease of the mushrikun. They're supposed to get sad when you hear that a daughter is born. Not the believer. Not the believer. Not the believer in this Prophet anyway (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam)

Do you know how many ahadith there are, one after another, after another, after another, about daughters. About daughters. Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam) made such a big deal out of daughters. Is that a small subject? Is that one hadith or two ahadith? Hadith after hadith after hadith.

(Bukhari hadith 5649)

"There is not a single one of you that has three daughters. Or even, you know what, three sisters. And he's good to them - He's good to them. Except that he goes into Jannah."

Your goodness to your daughters would land you in Jannah.

Another hadith he says (لَمْ يَعِذْهَا - lam ya'idha) - He didn't bury her alive. Okay, Alhamdulillah, he didn't do that. (وَلَمْ يُؤْثِرْ وَلَدَهُ عَلَيْهَا - wa lam yu'thir waladahu 'alayha) - And he didn't give preference to his son over his daughter. That one gets Jannah.

So he didn't compare his daughter to his son. He didn't think having a girl, Oh! I wish it was a boy, man. I was really looking forward to a boy. What are we gonna do? This is such a burden on my family. Now I have to pay for her education and I won't even get paid back. She's not even gonna get a job and provide for the family. She's gonna get married and be somebody else's family. And then we have to pay for the wedding on top of that. Oh! All these expenses. Man! And he keeps giving preference to his son or wanting to have a son. Even that mentality can be a block for you from getting into Jannah.

Half these hadith are about a direct ticket to Jannah and the other half of the hadith are actually about how they are going to be (سَتَرَ لَهُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ سَتَرْهُ مِنَ النَّارِ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ - satara lahu yawma al-qiyamati satruhu minan nari yawma al-qiyamah) - become a barrier between him and hellfire. They'll be the wall between him and hell. His daughters.

Allah didn't say that about sons by the way. Allah didn't say that about sons. He said that about daughters. It's an honor Allah gave to these girls that are born in our households.

Personal Experience

I'm reminded I say this often. Alhamdulillah Allah has blessed me with four daughters. I'm one over the hadith limit. Alhamdulillah. But I will tell you something.

When my third daughter was born, I had two daughters in a row. And then when my third daughter was born, I was really happy. And so I got a bunch of donuts and I went to the masjid. For Isha I'm just gonna give everybody donuts. Because we had a girl again.

And this brother came outside the masjid. He said, Oh! Donuts! What happened? Good news? I was like, Yeah! It's a girl. And he said, Inshallah next time. That's what he said, Inshallah next time.

And I wanted to slap him so hard. This is what the mushrik would have said. This is what the people who didn't believe in Allah would have said. You're saying this? You're saying this?

The fact that I had my third daughter, I can actually celebrate those words of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم - sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam). I can celebrate those words. What bigger congratulations can there be?

Cultural Ignorance

And yet, we have done such a number in many cultures across the world, on the stigma of having a daughter. And such a huge number has been done. There are even mother-in-laws. Mother-in-laws are mad at their daughter-in-laws. Because they didn't have a son. And they're yelling at them for not having a son. The kind of ignorance that is beyond imagination.

You're a woman yourself, do you realize what you're saying? Do you realize how insane that is? But she's putting her daughter-in-law down, and threatening her, he's gonna marry another one because you're not capable of giving him a boy.

The level of ignorance that we've reached, and you would think these are people of Quran? These are people of deen? And this, by the way, this ignorance is not just limited to people who aren't religious. These are people with big beards, and hijabs, and memorizing Quran. Deen is everywhere else except in... What happened to these ayat? Where did they go?

Continuation of the Verse

(ظَلَّ وَجْهُهُ مُسْوَدًا - dhalla wajhuhu muswaddan) - His face turns black. His face turns dark, he gets depressed. And then Allah says, he almost has no words.

"He hides himself from the people because of the ill of which he has been informed. Should he keep it in humiliation or bury it in the ground? Unquestionably, evil is what they decide."

(من سُوءِ مَا بُشِّرَ بِهِ - min su'i ma bushshira bihi) - From the ugliness of the congratulations that he's been given. He's almost thinking, why are you congratulating me? You should be feeling sorry for me. I wish you never told me.

And then he adds, Allah adds (- وَإِذَا بُشِّرَ أَحَدُهُم بِالْأُنثَىٰ ظَلَّ وَجْهُهُ مُسْوَدًّا وَهُوَ كَظِيمٌ - wa idha bushshira ahaduhum bil untha dhalla wajhuhu muswaddan wa huwa kazim) He says (- وَهُوَ كَظِيمٌ - wa huwa kazim) And he's constantly swallowing his anger. He's not letting the words out. Just like something bad tasting is in his mouth all the time. That's what he looks like all the time. Now that the news of the girl is there. He hears the girl crying and it bothers him. It irks him. It's a humiliation to him.

And then on top of that (يَتَوَارَىٰ مِنَ الْقَوْمِ - yatawara min al-qawm) - He stays away and covers himself up from meeting people. He doesn't like socializing with people. Because he's too embarrassed. They might ask him and he might have to say. And he might even have to smile. Yeah, mashaAllah, it's a girl. He's saying mashaAllah with a