Islamic Center of Fredericksburg
By Nouman Ali Khan | 2026-01-08T19:03:41.297985+00:00 | Topic: Iman
Friday Khutbah - The Importance of Children's Dignity and Communication
Opening Praise and Testimony
He knows what is in front of them and what is behind them, and they do not encompass it with knowledge.
Praise be to Allah. Praise be to Allah, the Creator of existence from non-existence. And He made light from darkness. And He brings out patience from pain. And He puts repentance on regret.
We thank Him for calamities, as we thank Him for blessings. And we pray for His honored messengers, for the honor of the sun and the pure light, and the perfect book. And also for the prophets and the seal, the master of the son of Adam, whom Jesus, son of Mary, gave glad tidings of, and whom Abraham, peace be upon him, called to his mission, when he was laying the foundations of the forbidden house of Allah.
And may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him and his followers, the best of nations, whom Allah has blessed with all the Arabs and the non-Arabs.
Praise be to Allah, who sent down the Book upon His servant, and did not make him weak.
And praise be to Allah, who did not take a son, and did not have a partner in the kingdom, and did not have a guardian from humiliation, and glorified him greatly.
And praise be to Allah, whom we praise, and we ask for his help, and we ask for his forgiveness. And we believe in him, and we put our trust in him, and we seek refuge in him from the evil of our souls and from the evil of our deeds. Whom Allah guides, none can misguide him, and whom He misguides, none can guide him.
And we bear witness that there is no god but Allah, alone, with no partner. And we bear witness that Muhammad is the servant of Allah and His messenger. And may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him, with guidance and the religion of truth, to make him prevail over all religions, and Allah is sufficient as a witness.
The Nature of True Guidance
And may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him, many times after. Indeed, the truthful hadith is the Book of Allah. And the best guidance is the guidance of Muhammad, may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him.
And indeed, the worst of things is its innovation. And indeed, every innovation is misguidance, and every misguidance is in the Fire.
Allah Almighty said in His Noble Book, after He said, I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Satan. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
When the hypocrites come to you, they say, "We testify that you are the Messenger of Allah." And Allah knows that you are His Messenger, and Allah testifies that the hypocrites are liars.
The Historical Context: Surah al-Munafiqun's Revelation
This is a story of how Surah al-Munafiqun was revealed. Our Messenger ﷺ used to go on multiple expeditions, military expeditions.
One such expedition was against the people of Bani Mustaraq. The long story short for the purposes of khutbah is that when the Muslims suffered damages and actually quite a few losses in the battle of Uhud, word spread that Medina is injured. And so their defenses may not be as strong.
There were lots of different tribes in the region and some of them were interested not in attacking Muslims and attacking Islam, but making an easy quick buck. A lot of times the way they would attack each other, the motivation was economic. One such tribe was Bani Mustaraq.
The Military Campaign and Its Aftermath
They figured right now their armies have suffered a defeat. They're pretty injured. They're not going to be able to defend themselves. Let's go in and attack Medina, easy money. So that was their motivation for rounding up their forces and coming at Medina. The Prophet ﷺ got wind of this.
He figured out that they're on their way. And the best defense is offense, so he prepared a small battalion including himself. And he went after them instead.
And so now the Muslims are on their march towards Bani Mustaraq. And as they head there, there's not really even much of a battle. Over a hundred of them are taken as prisoners of war.
Because their motivations weren't really ideological. It's not like they're willing to die for their cause. They were just trying to make some money. So they lose pretty quickly. And not only do they lose, there's over a hundred prisoners of war. And the Prophet of Allah ﷺ now has to decide what to do with these prisoners.
What he does is he releases all of them and sends them back to the tribe. And so now these POWs, their families, loved ones are crying at home knowing that what the norm is with prisoners of war is either they're turned into slaves or they're executed. This is what happens with them.
They're already mourning the loss of their loved ones. And here their loved ones are coming back in. And they just can't process this. So as a result of that, the entire tribe took shahada. The shock of the character of the Prophet ﷺ led to the entire tribe of Bani Mustaraq becoming Muslim. Now the Muslims are heading back.
The Incident at the Well
So this was not a rigorous battle. This wasn't a difficult journey. But regardless, there are two groups of Muslims that are on this journey. There's the muhajirun and the ansar. The migrants who came from Mecca, who moved to Medina, who were basically given asylum in Medina. They weren't residents of Medina.
And they were sponsored and supported economically by the people who lived in Medina, the ansar, the helpers. So the army is made up of both, people from Mecca and people from Medina. And they're in line.
And it's a desert journey. It's a hot journey regardless. And they stop over at a well. And when they stop at a well, everybody's in line, waiting their turn to get some water. And you know, if you're having a hot day, and you're on a difficult journey, it kind of gets on your nerves. Sometimes they say the best way to get to know somebody is when you travel with them.
Because they start getting annoyed. And then the ugly side of their personality starts coming out. They start getting agitated. Well, that sort of thing happened. One person in line trips over another. And the person he trips over pushes him back.
It's kind of a normal thing. Except the person who tripped and the one who pushed back, one was from Mecca, the other one was from Medina. So when he pushed him back, it kind of turned into a little bit of a fight.
The Tribal Calls and the Prophet's Wisdom
And one kicked the other. The Meccan, names aren't necessary now, the Meccan kicked the Medinan. And he's down on the floor. And as he falls to the floor, the thought that comes to him is, this guy from Mecca, he's going to kick me like that? I'm going to call my people. So he says:
"!O helpers" (يَا لَلْأَنْصَارِ)
He calls helpers. Which group is the helper? The people of Medina. So he wants his people to round up behind him because he's in trouble. And the other goes, Oh, you're going to call your people. I know how to call my people.
I know how to call my people too:
"O migrants!" (يَا لَلْمُهَاجِرِينَ)
He calls the Muhajireen. And so now, what was a misunderstanding and a little bit of a scuffle between two individuals, turns into a bunch of people from Mecca and a bunch of people from Medina about to go at it against each other.
And voices are being raised and a skirmish is about to break out. Mind you, this is actually not too long ago, they were one army fighting a common enemy. And on their way back, this comes out. This emerges, erupts. Now as this erupts, the word of this comes to the Prophet ﷺ. And when he hears this, he says:
"Leave it. This needs to be just dropped."
The subject needs to be dropped, not escalated any further. Because this word that they used, the words that they've used, have a stench to them. They stink. It's very strange that the Prophet said that.
The Sacred Nature of Unity
And I want to elaborate that a little bit even though that's not the subject of my khutbah today. You see, when the person who fell from Medina called the people of Medina, he didn't say, "People of Yathrib, people of Medina," he didn't say that.
He said, يَا الْأَنْصَارِ - "O helpers." That is a title that the Prophet gave them, that the Quran gave them. That is a word of honor. To be called an Ansari is to actually be called by the greatest contribution of your life. You got to be labeled by Allah Himself as someone who helped, you understand? So they are being recognized by their contribution to the faith.
When the Meccan fell and he called his people, he didn't say, people of Mecca, join me. He said, يا مُهَاجِرِينَ - People who migrated, essentially migrated, leaving their money, their families, the life that they've known. They've left everything behind for the sake of Allah alone. For their loyalty to the Messenger ﷺ.
In other words, both of these words, Muhajirun and Ansar are beautiful words. They're words used to describe some remarkable people in the Quran. These are words of honor. And these words, what's behind them, behind each of them is the sacrifice made by each of these groups.
That's what's behind these words. And yet, when the Prophet hears this, he says, these words have a smell to them, a stench to them. Why? Because when you have a name, when you have a title, and that title represents a service to the religion, a service to Allah.
But that title is now used to distinguish yourself from other Muslims. To separate yourself. And to identify yourself as someone who's part of one gang, one group, in opposition or in competition with another gang, another group. That those same words that are supposed to be honorable have a stench to them.
Modern Applications of Unity
Now how does that apply to us today? There are Islamic centers, masajid, da'wah organizations, educational organizations, Islamic schools, Sunday schools, charity groups. All of these organizations have names. They all have a website. They all have a Facebook page. They all have a logo.
They have an identification. And that's a good thing. They're supposed to be. The only way you can get work done really is by unifying and organizing and institutionalizing. And so that's a necessary thing. But when one MSA or one youth group starts seeing themselves in competition with another.
When they start getting bothered, hey, they had a convention. Ours wasn't as big as theirs. Next time we're gonna have it on the same weekend. Let's see how much damage we can do. When they start seeing themselves in some way or shape or form as opposed to the other. Or when you look at another Muslim and you say, well, I follow this school of thought, or I follow that school of thought.
I subscribe to the teachings of this scholar as opposed to someone else who subscribes to the teachings of another scholar who's more fond of them. And as soon as they walk into a masjid, oh, he's from the other team. I mean, I'm praying next day, but knowing that he's from the other team.
But in any case, salamu alaykum. Even the tone of your salam will change from one to the other. This is (كَلِمَةٌ مُنْتِنَةٌ - words with a stench). These words may represent something beautiful in and of themselves. A learning of the deen, a teaching of the deen, a service to the deen. But when these words become a way of distinguishing Muslims from each other and separation, then they have a dirty smell to them.
Ibn Ubayy's Secret Meeting
That's still not my story. The story is, word didn't just spread about this little argument to the Prophet ﷺ. It spread to this other individual whose name is Abdullah ibn Ubayy ibn Salul. For short, we're gonna call him Ibn Ubayy.
This man was a politician. He was hoping to become the governor of Medina. Those plans fell apart because the Prophet moved there, alayhis salatu was salam, and now basically de facto, he's the governor of Medina.
And so his plans, and as a matter of fact, he was so ready to rule Medina that his throne had already been prepared. He was gonna be, I'm calling him governor, he was gonna be the sovereign king of Medina. They were declaring him king.
And that entire election, null and void, because the Prophet ﷺ moved to Medina. Unanimously, everybody decided that no thanks, the leader of Medina is the Prophet ﷺ. So he was already politically defeated. And the only reason he joined the Muslims, it's clear, is because if you can't beat them, join them.
The Inflammatory Speech
"Did they dare do this?"
Who's he referring to as they? The people of Makkah, the Muhajirun. Did they dare do this?
"They have overrun our city. These immigrants came and they overpopulated our city."
And they're running around everywhere. We have too many of them now.
"By Allah, this riffraff of Quraysh, these street peddlers from Mecca that we housed in our city, they remind me of the old Arab saying, you feed a dog and it comes back to bite you."
That's the speech he's given in his tent about the Muhajirun, calling them dogs of Makkah. That are now, we fed these dogs and they're biting us back. That's the speech he's given.
And then he says:
"I swear to God, when we get back to Medina, we the most dignified, we are the people of honor, we should get these people out of our city. We should get rid of this scum."
This is the speech he's given. Then he turned to his people, meaning the Medinan Muslims, and he said, this is what you brought on your own selves. Stop giving them money, they're gonna go somewhere else. The only reason they're here is because of your money.
The Nine-Year-Old Witness
That's his speech. And he's giving this in his tent. And so, (فَسَمِعَ ذَلِكَ زَيْدُ بْنُ أَرْقَمَ - fasami'a dhalika Zayd ibn Arqam) - there's a boy in the audience. And actually my story is entirely about this boy. He's about 9 years old. He's sitting in the audience too.
Now, you know, a khutbah is going on and there's children in the audience. Most people are worried, man, is this kid gonna make noise? Or is he playing games? Nobody really pays attention to the child in the audience. (زَيْدُ بْنُ أَرْقَمَ - Zayd ibn Arqam) - This 9-year-old boy is listening to this filthy speech being made by Ibn Ubayy, trying to rival the Muslims of Medina against the Muslims of Mecca.
He runs over to his uncle and tells him the whole speech word for word. His uncle then reports this, goes to the Prophet's tent, salallahu alayhi wa sallam. And walks in, can I speak? My nephew just told me. This is what's going on.
Umar ibn al-Khattab is sitting next to the Prophet. Umar ibn al-Khattab's immediate response is:
"I know a guy. I know what to do."
I can send him in. He'll sit in the audience. He'll scoot up, scoot up, scoot up until he's all the way to the front. And he'll slice his neck. Just give the word. And the Prophet said, no, the people will say, Muhammad kills his own.
Military Protocol and the Prophet's Mercy
And by the way, if you might think Umar ibn al-Khattab has this extreme response, understand something. Anybody who has any experience in the military knows. These men are on a military expedition. And within a military expedition, if a group from within your own army tries to rile up some against others, this is actually considered an act of treason, espionage, punishable immediately by death. Across armies in the world even today.
So what Umar is actually suggesting is standard military protocol. Not if anybody talks trash, they should be killed. But in an army situation, in a military situation, that kind of dissent is punishable by death. And so, the Prophet ﷺ says, no, call him here.
So they call Ibn Ubayy. And Ibn Ubayy shows to the tent of the Prophet. What have you been saying? We've come to hear you say this, this and this. Would you like to explain yourself? And all this time, the boy, Zayd Ibn Arqam, is sitting outside the tent.
And unlike buildings today, a tent is not soundproof. So Zayd is outside, but he can hear the meeting going on inside. And the Prophet asks Ibn Ubayy, what have you been saying? And he says, Wallahi, I swear to God, you are the messenger of Allah. Why would I ever say something like that? We came here to sacrifice our lives. I can't believe you're even suggesting this. What kind of person would testify against me and say these lies? I am so offended right now.
And he starts getting angry and starts giving this offended speech. And how dare the Prophet even suggest that he made such a speech. And he's just furious. And the Prophet says, you can go. He tells him, you can go.
The Child's Distress and Divine Vindication
And when he leaves, Zayd, who's outside, ran away to his own tent. And he reports he ran away to his own tent. And curled up and started crying. And said to himself:
"The Prophet believed that he was telling the truth and I was lying."
The Prophet ﷺ thinks I'm a liar and he told the truth. Because you know, in kids' language, Ibn Ubayy just got called to the principal's office and then he had to explain himself and he came up with a story and then he didn't get in any trouble. And he walked right off. And this kid's going, I just told on him and he didn't get any detention or nothing. That must mean they didn't believe my story.
So now he thinks that the Prophet ﷺ thinks of me as a liar. And he didn't say this to the Prophet. As a matter of fact, he never directly spoke to the Prophet. He spoke to his uncle, who then spoke to him. He was just outside.
So he's in his tent crying. And a few moments later, his uncle comes and says, the Prophet is calling you. The Prophet is calling you. This is going to be a direct conversation between this 9-year-old and the Messenger of Allah. And he comes in. And the Prophet has him sit down so that when they're sitting on the floor, his knees are touching the Prophet's knees. And as they're sitting there, he turns to him and he says:
"Allah proved that you were telling the truth."
The Revelation and Its Significance
And Allah revealed Surah al-Munafiqun. And the entire surah, the entire Surah al-Munafiqun was revealed at once. All of it. And the first person to hear that surah was that child. Allah revealed the surah to Rasul Allah. Rasul Allah would normally recite the surah and the surah spreads. But before it spreads, he said, call him. Call Zayd.
As if to say the feelings of that child and the emotions of that child were important enough that the revelation of this surah should be given first priority from Allah to Jibreel, Jibreel to the messenger of Allah, to Zayd first. And then everyone else.
How important are the feelings of a child? How important is it for a child to feel respected? To feel dignified? How easy is it for a Muslim in our homes? I mean, Quran is recited. Alhamdulillah, we're learning. We're trying to practice our iman. And yet at the same time, when it comes to our kids, we're so harsh. When it comes to our kids and their feelings. So easy to call them names.
The Value of Children's Testimony
Ah, this one's just a liar. Ah, this one's just, he's just got anger problems. This one's bad. One time I was talking to a parent and they were talking, people just opened up in conversation to me and they said, can you help me with my son? He's got an anger problem. He's been very angry lately. I was like, okay, so what's going on with him? Do you know, might that change? I don't know, since he's been going to this new school.
I was like, okay, did you ask him what's happening at school? No, he's just, I don't know, he's just punching walls and angry all the time, doesn't want to talk. Yeah, so something's happening. Let's find out what's happening. Let's call the mom. Maybe mom knows more. Dad's at work all the time.
So call mom. He's just bad. Okay, so when did he turn bad? He was born bad. Seriously, mom? If you're so easy for you to say that to me, then I'm sure this child has been hearing it for a long time. That you're just bad. That's just how you are.
And when you tell a child that, they'll internalize it. And they'll accept that about themselves. And they'll start thinking, well, I'm bad anyway, might as well act it out. If that's the attitude, then how are you expecting to raise a child with a positive opinion even of themselves, much less anyone else? The dignity of a child matters. The value we give children matters. The way we speak to them matters. What they listen to matters.
The Quranic Confirmation
You know, can you imagine? Zayd ibn Arqam came to his uncle and told him exactly what Ibn Ubayy said. Word for word.
"When we come back to this city, the dignified shall expel the humiliated."
Those were his words. Quran, word for word:
Ya Rabb, word for word, the report of Zayd became part of the Quran. Word for word. Those words were transmitted to the Prophet ﷺ through Zayd, and then were retransmitted from Allah, confirming what Zayd said by the word. By the word, subhanAllah. The value we must place on the dignity of children.
To not dismiss the importance of having them listen to something valuable also. Think about this. My khutbah was going to be really about one of the ayat of this surah, but we didn't get to that. Maybe at another occasion, inshaAllah wa ta'ala. And that is actually about children. The ayah is about children.
Interestingly, most of this surah is about the hypocrites. And at the very end, Allah says:
"O you who believe, let not your wealth and your children distract you from the remembrance of Allah."
Like at the end, He changes the subject and addresses those who believe. But that's for another time.
Environmental Influence vs. Early Foundation
For now, what I want you to think about is, just like this child and his testimony and what he experienced shouldn't have been dismissed, the same way, think about the positive upbringing of the child. You know, nowadays we argue that we're just a product of our environment. And much of that is true. Human beings have to make their own choices, but their environment and how they were raised and the kind of influences they had has a huge impact on the kind of personality you're going to have, the kind of choices you're going to make in life.
But you think about a man who spent many years of his life in prison. If someone's been in jail for 20 years, who have they been around? Criminals. Other people. And maybe some of them have reformed, but maybe some of them haven't reformed. They haven't been, you can argue, in the best company. This may not be the best company for them. And that will have an impact on what kind of person they become.
Before that, if there's a child who has no parental supervision, before even jail, if there's a young man with no parental supervision, no mom, no dad telling you, this is right, this is wrong, this is okay, this is not okay, nobody telling you to pray, nobody telling you halal from haram, nothing. And you can imagine, a child is going to do, as they grow up, as this kid becomes a teenager, they're going to do whatever they want and not feel bad about it.
The Example of Prophet Yusuf
But when you think about Yusuf alayhis salaam, raised as a, practically, I mean, from a very early age, since he was taken away from his family, he's put in servitude. So he's actually in the service of a non-believing family. Which don't have any concept of permissible and impermissible. So long as he does the service, he can do whatever he wants.
There is no moral guidance for him in that environment. And from that environment, when he becomes a young man, falsely accused, where does he end up? In prison. And he's there for many years. Surrounded by people that aren't exactly the best of character. As a matter of fact, one of them, who was a scam artist, is even mentioned in the story.
So, if that's the case, this terrible environment, this should shape the personality of Yusuf alayhis salaam. Yet, the only positive influence you hear about, in Allah's own words, in the life of Yusuf alayhis salaam, is the early childhood of Yusuf, when he's interacting with his father. And him and his father have such a
close relationship that you don't actually hear father talking to son first, you hear son talking to father first. Now, that's important.
They have such a close relationship that the child sees a dream and shares the dream with his dad, and then the dad responds. When we think about raising our children, we keep thinking about what more do I tell them? What more do I tell them? What more do I tell them? Here you have a child who was given the kind of environment, but before he was told, he was heard. The child was heard.
The Importance of Listening to Children
Now, we have to ask ourselves, how much are we listening to our kids? How comfortable are our kids telling us without them even being asked? And if that is the case, then what we say will actually go inside. Otherwise, you can play YouTube videos. Otherwise, you can give your child lectures or drive them to programs and have them listen to speeches.
We don't know what's going inside and what's not. But if we're giving them the space to voice, and for their words to be heard with value. I mean, put yourself and myself in those shoes. If a 7-year-old, 6-year- old came to you and said, I saw a dream about... Here's what I saw. You're like, uh-huh. Yeah, that's great.
You're not going to be paying attention. It's just a dream. Kids just, you know... Or sometimes we ask our kids, Kids, how was school? You're in the car. How was school? And your daughter starts talking, talking, talking. And you're like, uh-huh. That's great. That's great. That's great. And she can be saying whatever she wants.
You're like, uh-huh. That's awesome. I kick my friend in the face. You're like, that's awesome. I break the school door. She's experimenting now saying crazy things just to see if you're listening. You're like, alhamdulillah. Very good. Very good.
You're not really listening. When we actually become listeners, then those conversations can be so powerful. No matter what environment our children end up in, they'll survive it like Yusuf survived it.
The Power of Parent-Child Conversation
Isn't that something? That those early years are the most important years for conversation. For conversation. So many parents come to me and tell me, what do I need to make my child memorize? What do they need to be reciting? What do they need to be learning? The most important thing, all of those things are beautiful.
The most important thing are the conversations between parents and children. Those intimate, real conversations between parents and children. Where we get to understand the feelings, the fears, the emotions of our children and they completely open up to us before they open up to anyone else.
If we can facilitate that, then their adult life will be something very, very different. Regardless of the bad influences on the outside. Regardless. They're not going to fall. And we ask Allah to protect all of our children. And to give us value for our children.
Closing Prayers
May Allah (عز وجل) not make us of those who overlook our responsibility towards our children. May Allah (عز وجل) make the trial of those who are being tested with children easy for them. May Allah (عز وجل) make those of us whose children have become disrespectful or distant or angry or difficult to communicate with.
May Allah (عز وجل) make those barriers easier and break those barriers and open up the hearts between parents and children once again. May Allah (عز وجل) make us better parents. And make our children better children.