Islam and Ego
By Nouman Ali Khan | 2026-01-09T16:14:08.257775+00:00 | Topic: Iman
Islam and Ego
A Khutba by Nouman Ali Khan
Opening with Quranic Recitation
I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Satan.
Has it not come to those who believe that their hearts should fear the remembrance of Allah and that which has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and the period of time was long for them, and their hearts hardened, and many of them are defiantly disobedient.
Know that Allah gives life to the earth after its death. We have made clear to you the signs, that you may understand.
I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Satan.
Introduction
I'm really honored and also kind of weirded out that you guys waited this long. If I sound a little out of it, it's probably because I am. It's about 8 hours of lecture straight, alhamdulillah.
But inshallah ta'ala I'm here to just share some very brief thoughts with you about an important matter. Something that doesn't come under much discussion nowadays, but it needs our attention. It certainly needs our attention inshallah.
The Religious Journey of Muslim Youth
The thing I want to talk to you about is a culture among young Muslims, who go on a certain religious journey, especially in western society. A lot of times Muslim youth, they live a life of, let's just say partying. And then they have an epiphany sometime in life and they turn towards the religion.
A lot of youth brothers and sisters have this change of heart sometime in their life and they become more serious gradually about the religion. But then what happens is, when they become more serious about the religion, over time they end up becoming very serious about the religion. Very very passionate.
And they find themselves a teacher. Sometimes that teacher is a person. Sometimes that teacher is a series of MP3s or lectures. Sometimes that teacher is a website. Sometimes that teacher is a blog. Sometimes that teacher is an anonymous screen name.
But whatever it is, in the end they find themselves a source that they associate as the authentic source for taking knowledge. And when they do and they become very passionate about it, slowly what starts happening is they become very rigid. Become very like tough.
The Development of Religious Arrogance
And the people around them, they notice that the people around them are not the same way as they are. They don't acknowledge the same teacher that they acknowledge. They are not understanding the Deen the way they understand themselves.
So what starts happening is, first they become frustrated with the people around them, especially their family. The youth starts changing and the first people they become frustrated with is their own family. Why don't you understand this is the right way to follow the religion? And there is more and more friction.
This happens even within the Muslim families. Even more so when you are a Muslim and your family is non-Muslim. But certainly even within your family, if your family is Muslim too, but now you are kind of rediscovering the religion on your own.
So this friction develops. But it is not limited to the family either. What happens is you have friends. You have always been friends. But those friends didn't take this religious journey that you did. Or if they did, they didn't take the same journey that you did.
Their understanding is a little different. Or they are not as rigid about certain things as you are. They are not as tough about it as you are.
And it becomes harder and harder for you to tolerate that. So you start questioning them a lot more. And you come into contact with people that don't see things the way you do.
And you make it a point to let them know that they are wrong. That you are right. That this is the way they should do things. There is no other way of doing things. This attitude develops. Especially among youth.
The Misconception of Commanding Good and Forbidding Evil
And there are many reasons for this attitude. There are many reasons for this attitude. The youth himself or herself thinks they are doing what is called (أَمْرِ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَنَهْي عَنِ الْمُنكَرِ - Amr bil Ma'ruf wa Nahi 'an al-Munkar) - commanding the good and forbidding the evil.
They think they are commanding the good, forbidding the evil. After all they are telling the brother or the sister. They are telling her a hadith. They are telling him an ayah. They are doing a good thing. This is something they should be doing. This is what is going on in their head.
What they don't realize, however, is there is something more going on. There is something else going on. You know, before you become religious, maybe you are the center of attention among your crew. You are a thug. You are a gang. You are whatever. You are the center of attention.
When you turn to the religion, you no longer have that. But you need something still. There is an urge inside you to want to show your domination over others. There is an urge inside you. I want to show people that I am in some way, shape or form superior.
And in this devious way, sometimes without the person even realizing it, most of the time they are telling people their religious opinion in a show of expressing their superiority. They want to make sure the other person feels like they don't really know the religion. I know the religion. Let me tell you how it is supposed to be.
Let me teach you the ayah. Let me teach you the hadith. Don't you know it is this way or that way or the other way? So the religion itself becomes a means by which you promote your own ego.
The Irony of Using Religion for Arrogance
It is ironic because the religion was revealed so we humble ourselves. The deen came so we humble ourselves. And now we are using that very deen to express our arrogance. To express our arrogance. And this is not just something that happens among the youth by the way. This happens among elders too.
The Example of Iblis and Religious Pride
You know Iblis, on what occasion did he refuse Allah? He refused to make sajdah, right? What job was Adam going to get? What high salary was Adam going to receive? What promotion was Adam getting that Iblis said, No, no, no, I am more qualified for that job.
What was the job? Allah created the human being for what purpose? Worship, right? Adam was going to be placed where? On the earth. And what was his responsibility? Service to Allah.
It is a religious title. In other words, I am putting it in simple terms. Adam was given a religious honor. Not a worldly honor. He wasn't given a high salary, a big house, all of that. None of that stuff. He was just given a religious honor.
So if you think about it, it is kind of weird. Iblis was jealous of Adam over a religious honor. His ego manifested because he thought he was more qualified to serve Allah'sdeen than Adam. I am more
qualified in this religious capacity.
Modern Examples of Religious Ego
And you know this arrogance manifests itself when somebody says, I should be the president of the masjid. I am the right MSA president. Why did they pick him? Why did they pick her for this task? Why didn't they pick me? This is a religious task. You don't get money when you become MSA president. You are in a new car when you run the masjid.
But yet you see across this country, people fighting tooth and nail over what? Religious titles. Who is in charge of the masjid? Whose opinion should be heard? Why? This is a disease that started where? It is pretty old. That virus started with Iblis. He is also vying for religious authority. And this is a disease.
The Root of the Problem: Replacing Allah with Self
At the heart of it, it is a disease. And one has to identify that disease if it exists inside themselves. You know when the attitude seeps inside you, Thank God for me, because if it wasn't for me, I don't know these people would have been so deviant. At least I am here to set them straight. If that is your attitude, you have got a serious problem. You really have a serious problem.
Because now you think the deen depends on who? On yourself. Deen doesn't need us. We need Allah'sdeen, but Allah'sdeen is in no need of us. Right? (وَاللَّهُ غَنِيٌّ حَمِيدٌ - Allah is free of need, praiseworthy). Allah is free of need. He doesn't need us.
We have to humble ourselves. And this ego, again, I am talking about it in a religious context, but in another context, it even happens inside the family. If I die, who is going to take care of my family? Who is going to pay the bills? If I don't do it, who is going to do it? That thought comes in your mind, right?
But you know, our time of death is written. Whether you think you need to save this much money, or that much money, or you need to get that promotion, or whatever you need to do, you think what you need to do, but if Allah decides, I am gone tonight. If it's written, it's written.
And you know what? After I go, my kids, my wife, my husband, whoever, Allah has already taken care of them. I should never have thought I was the one taking care of them to begin with. I wasn't the one taking care of them. Allah was. He had been all along. I was deluding myself into thinking it depended on me. Nothing depends on me. Nothing depends on me. I am not the source of any good. Allah is the source of all good.
When ego is the root problem, where does ego come from? Ego comes from the source point. The starting point is when someone doesn't truly appreciate what Allah is, who Allah is. When you don't appreciate who Allah is, you replace that with an appreciation of your own self. That's where it starts. That's really what the root of the problem is.
The First Problem: Hidden Ego Behind Religious Appearance
So the first point I wanted to make really, InshaAllah ta'ala, is people that wear the facade of their religion, they look religious, they talk religious, they have knowledge. May Allah protect us from this. This is a very serious problem.
They look more practicing than the other guy who doesn't have a beard. She looks more taqwa than the other sister who doesn't wear hijab. They look more religious. The outwardly is very good. But on the inside there is an ego. On the inside there is an urge to show your supremacy. You are more righteous. You are more qualified. You are in a better position than the other.
And in your heart, if you look down upon another Muslim, no matter what their condition, if you look down upon another Muslim, if you do that, then you have this thing inside your heart called (كبر - kibr) - arrogance.
And you know, we learn from the advice of the Prophet ﷺ, that the one who has a mustard seed, which is basically you are saying an atom. Okay? A molecule. Nothing. That much of arrogance in their heart, what is not open to them? You know, right? Jannah is not open to them. Jannah is not open to them.
Comparing Outward and Inward Sins
So what I am trying to say is, you have a Muslim who does bad things. You know, the guy drinks. Whatever. He does some really bad stuff. His evil actions are outwardly. But your evil action is what? Inwardly. On the outside you look good. You look like you are doing alright.
His action is punishable for sure. For sure. You don't think yours is? And if you were to compare, even though nobody is condoning his behavior, if you were to compare, which is a bigger problem, that is harder to fix. Think about that. Is arrogance a bigger problem to fix?
You know why it's a bigger problem? Because you can't even see it. At least his drinking problem, you could see it. There are things you could do to address it. But this problem in here, it's a hard thing to fix. Because it's deep down inside, and the only one who can sense it is who? Yourself.
Self-Reflection vs. Judging Others
Nobody can tell you. If it's in there, it's in there. We can't judge each other. We can't judge, oh I can, you know, while I am giving this talk, you are listening, you are like, I can think of somebody who is pretty arrogant right now, that should be listening to this. Don't think of anyone else. That in and of itself, that's a sign of arrogance.
Who should you be thinking of? Yourself. The counsel of the religion is not for anyone else first. Who is it for first? Yourself.
We've become so like desensitized that the religious, or the counsel of the Quran, the counsel of the great words of the messenger, peace be upon him, that counsel is for everybody else. Wait till I tell them what I just heard. Well who is supposed to hear it first? Who is supposed to internalize it first? Yourself.
The Self-Serving Use of Religious Knowledge
You gotta think about that. We become very selfish, and self-centered, and self-serving, when it comes to Allah's religion. You know the husband hears a hadith about the rights of the wife, or the rights of the husband. What's the first thing he does? Hey, you know what I heard today? Let me tell you.
The parent, the parent, what is the first ayah he tells his child
be best to your parents (Quran 17:23). Isn't that self-serving? Are we here to serve ourselves? Is the religion here to serve our needs? Or are we here to serve Allah's deen? Right? It's a change of attitude. It's a completely different attitude.
The Importance of a Sound Heart
So this is the first problem, ego, that I wanted to bring to your attention. Something that only you can gauge in yourself. Nobody else can gauge that for you. But if that's there, no matter how much good is there on the outside, does it amount to anything? No. Because your heart is not sound.
And Allah says on the Day of Judgment,
But the exception of, none except those who come before Allah with a sound heart (Quran 26:89). With a sound heart. Right? So we have to fix this thing on the inside, this ego on the inside.
Signs of Having an Ego Problem
I'm gonna give you, before I go to the second point, I'll just give you some tips on how to tell if you have an ego problem. Just some basic tips.
Reaction to Correction
If somebody corrects you, right? And you get really offended, really like, how could you say that to me, bro? Why would you say that to me? Who do you think you are? Who's that guy think he is, he's correcting me like that? If that's your first reaction, if that's your first reaction, then you have an ego problem.
Even if that guy is being, I don't wanna use bad language, okay? He's not right. He shouldn't have said what he said to you. Your first reaction should not be, who is he to talk to me? You know what your first reaction should be? Maybe through this really inappropriate comment, Allah is telling me something that I should take heed of.
Maybe there's some truth in it. Okay, it's not a 100% true. Is it a little bit true? Is it 1% true? Is it a half a percent true? Whatever of it is true, I should take it on myself. I should save myself. Instead of worrying about who is he to talk to me that way, don't develop that attitude in yourself. Take the good from it, even bad advice, even a nasty comment, take the good from it, leave the rest. It's okay.
Need for Opinion to Be Heard
If you feel the need to interject in every conversation, if you feel the need to have your opinion heard, no matter what, if you get really offended that your opinion was not taken in the end, you gave your opinion, somebody else gave another opinion, but your opinion was not the final one taken, somebody else's was, and you walk away offended, you've got an ego problem. Especially in matters of religion.
The Test of Sincere Consultation
The MSA, the masjid, some people get together, they take some shura, what should we do? And you give your opinion, somebody else gives their opinion, and in the end, the shura is for the sake of Allah or no? Right? Isn't it? When you're doing work for the masjid, the MSA, whatever, it's for the sake of Allah.
So you gave your opinion for whose sake? For Allah's sake. You didn't give it for your own sake. You didn't give it to serve yourself. Let's see if my opinion comes out on top. That's not why you gave it. If you did, you've got a serious problem.
So you gave it for Allah's sake. Now, if you gave it for Allah's sake, has it already been counted in your favor? If you did that for Allah's sake, a sincere opinion, sincere counsel for the sake of Allah, did it already count in your favor? Yes, you got credit for it already.
Whether the people take it or not, you already earned your credit. So the fact that it's taken or not taken is no longer meaningful to you. Because you already got what you wanted. You understand? But if your intention wasn't for the sake of Allah, guess what? You're gonna get offended. You're gonna say, No, I gave my opinion, so it would be the supreme opinion. And that didn't come out. So I'm offended.
This is easy way to check. Nobody can check that for you. If you felt bad, you can check yourself. You have to check yourself. These are exercises that are difficult to engage in. They're difficult to engage in. But we have to engage in them.
So the first real problem is hidden ego. The outward is religious, and the inward is basically egotistical. This urge to show supremacy over others.
The Second Problem: Hardened Hearts
The second problem, that's again, outward is religious. The outward is good. The outward is knowledgeable. The outward has good speech. The outward has good clothing. Right? Everything looks like, this guy man, such a good brother. Right? The outward is great.
You know what happens on the inside? The first thing was, the heart became egotistical. The second problem is, the heart becomes hard. You're no longer moved by Allah's words. You're no longer moved when you hear Quran. It's been a long time since you cried in salah. It's been a long time since your heart felt something.
Signs of a Hardened Heart
You hear it all the time, and the thing that crosses your mind is, I already know this. That's what crosses your mind. I don't need to hear. I already heard this stuff. I already know what he's going to say.
The only thing that's going on in your mind when salah is going on is, that qalqalah could have been a little better. That mud was not long enough. Right? That ghunnah, I don't know about that one. That's all that's going on in your salah.
You know what that indication of? It's good tajweed, but a tough heart. Right? You've got good tajweed, but your heart has become, the words of Allah are not enough to shake you. They don't move you like that. You just pass by them.
The Double Life
And then the knowledge keeps increasing, and in your public life, you look very devoted to the religion. But when you're in your private, when nobody else sees you, this really evil person comes out. This person who has a certain behavior, who does certain things, that you would never imagine this person would be doing those things.
When you look at their appearance, when you look at their public face, you would never think this person is that way in their private life. But in their private life, they almost turn into someone else. When they're by themselves, they turn into someone else. Someone you wouldn't even recognize.
So there's this monster inside, who's got serious issues, but on the outside, it's a great person. Nobody can fix that for you, because nobody even knows that exists. It's all inside you.
So the first problem is ego, the second problem is the heart that becomes hard. These are both spiritual problems, by the way. Problems of the heart, aren't they? Right? And the only one who can engage this is who? Yourself.
Allah's Warning About Hardened Hearts
And now, there are some, inshaAllah, towards the end, inshaAllah ta'ala, some tips on how to fix this stuff, right? That'll be towards the end. I wanna just wrap this second point up, really quick, inshaAllah ta'ala, of the heart becoming hard.
Allah says, the ayah I recited in the beginning, surah al-hadid, Allah is talking to the people of the book. And then He talks to us. He says
Isn't it time for people who claim to believe yet, that their hearts should be filled with awe. Their hearts should be overpowered. They become numb.
You know when your muscles become loose, and weak? That's khushu, actually. When your muscles feel weakness in them. You feel like an overwhelming senses, an overpowering feeling. Right? Allah says their hearts should feel overpowered, and weakened. Right? By the fear of Allah, by the remembrance of Allah. Isn't it time yet for believers that their hearts should feel like that? Because of remembering Allah?
And isn't it time that their hearts should feel like that because of what came down from the truth? What is that? What came down from the truth? Qur'an. He's referring to the Qur'an.
Then Allah gives a warning in the same ayah. He says
They better not become like those who were given the book before them, much before them.
A long period passed over them. Meaning they were holding on to the book for a long time. But as they were holding on to the book, you know when you first turn to the religion, you're very excited about it. That excitement went away. All that remained was the outer shell.
So what happened to those people?
Their hearts became hard. After a long period of time, the religion just became a routine. Something they just do. Something that's just there. They're just doing it because they're used to doing it. But it's not something that moves their heart anymore. Their hearts have become hard.
And once your heart becomes hard, it's easy for you to become corrupt. Therefore the next part of the ayah
Much of them are corrupt. A good number of them are actually corrupt.
The ayah ended with the people of the book, but where did it start?
The discussion is really about those who actually claim to believe. And how their hearts become hard. And if that's what you sense inside yourself. If that's what you sense. And you know, no one can gauge that for you. Once again, I iterate that again. No one can gauge that for you. The only one who can gauge that for you is yourself. No one else.
How humble you are before Allah. How humble you are before others. You can't gauge that. You know, except by for yourself.
Remembering Our Own Past
Allah, if you find yourself in a hopeless state where you feel like your heart has in fact become hard. And you have developed this sort of a problem where you know the religious, sometimes the religious personality or the appearance of the religious personality is very intimidating. It's hard to talk to them.
You're scared to be around them because you know they're going to talk down to you about something. Right? You're afraid of them.
A lot of times sisters that wear hijab, sisters that don't wear hijab, they cross the street and go the other way. There she comes again, hijab police. She's going to tell me something. She's going to say something. Make me feel bad. Right? Now on the one hand that's paranoia but on the other hand sometimes it is true. There are people that are very condescending to others. They're arrogant towards others.
Tell me this. Weren't you a party animal not too long ago? And when people try to tell you about it, how did you behave towards them? Did you forget where you came from? How far Allah brought you? Right? People forget that. People forget where they used to be and where Allah brought them.
And then years later they see someone who's a party animal and say Astaghfirullah, how could he be like that? Where were you? That guy should remind you of yourself. You were exactly like that. So you should remember that Allah's favor upon you.
You used to be at the very edge of the fire. He pulled you out of it (Quran 3:103). And it's in that ayah Allah says
Right The same ayah. He put love between your hearts.
To have love between your hearts, you have to remember you used to be at the fire's edge yourself. And you got pulled back and it wasn't because of you. It's not because you're a really smart person and that's why you deserve to be pulled back. Whose favor was it to you? It was Allah's favor to you. How dare you look at somebody else and think like that? Right? This arrogance is a horrible thing. It'll wipe out all the goodness out of you. It'll wipe all the goodness out of you.
The Root of Religious Debates
And it is most of the time our youth who end up into heated debates about whatever, if it's a theology issue, if it's a fiqh issue, if it's a MSA presidency, I don't care what the issue is. Doesn't even matter. You know usually what the root problem of the debate is? It's ego. It's really, it's a big ego. That's all it is.
People talking about scholars like they're talking about some athlete. You know, that guy I don't like. I don't like what he says. Excuse me? Do you know what Allah, what journey he made for the sake of Allah? Even if you disagree with him. The fact that he left his home, whoever that scholar is, and traveled halfway across the world to seek knowledge and spent nights and nights and nights praying and memorizing and studying.
You're gonna just pass a comment on him like, I don't like what he says. I think he's deviant. How dare you? What have you done? What puts you in that position to be able to say that?
Sincere Concern vs. Ego
And you know, if you disagree with a Muslim and you think they're wrong, what should be your first attitude towards them? You should pass a verdict on them that they're headed to hell? Or should you genuinely be concerned for them? And if you were genuinely concerned for them, you wouldn't talk to anybody else about them. Who would you talk to? Themselves.
You would go and talk to themselves. If there was sincerity in you, you would address your concerns to them. Not to anybody else. But this shows lack of sincerity. This shows ego. This shows you've got your team, you're rooting for your side, and you're just gonna make comments about the other. That's immature. Arrogant. Egotistic. This is what it is.
The Remedy: Hope in Allah's Mercy
Now, if that's the state we've reached, now we're coming to a little bit of the remedies. First of all, the first remedy is hope itself. Hope isn't lost. Allah, in the next ayah, so beautiful, man. Subhanallah.
He says,
"You had better know, Allah gives no doubt that Allah gives life to the earth after it had died (Quran 57:17). Allah was talking about the hearts in the previous ayah. What's He talking about now? Giving life to the earth.
Allah is telling you, if Allah can bring life out of the dead earth, He can give life to your heart again. Your heart can become soft again. It's not beyond hope.
"We're clarifying the miraculous science so you can understand. You get the point? There is hope for you. You can get your heart cleansed. It is possible. You know, if Allah can bring the life back to heart. Now, the heart back to life.
Remedies for Spiritual Ailments
So, the remedies now. What are the remedies? How do you fix yourself? How do you fix the ego problems you have?
First Remedy: Remembrance of Allah
The first big problem that helps you cleanse your heart out is the remembrance of Allah. That's the first thing you have to address. How often do you remember Allah? And remembering Allah is not just saying cliche things like, you know, just the adhkar you memorize, (سُبْحَانَ اللهِ، الْحَمْدُ للهِ، لا إلهَ إلاّ الله، الله أَكْبَر - Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, La ilaha illallah, Allahu Akbar). And you do some dhikr.
These are incredible adhkar from the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. But if they're thoughtless, if you didn't put any thought in them, if you didn't reflect upon them, then it's not dhikr. That's just good review. That's all that is.
The Meaning of Alhamdulillah
(الْحَمْدُ للهِ - Alhamdulillah) means, all credit goes to Allah. All praise is for Allah. Allah should be thanked and He should be praised for everything.
So, you're having a tough day, what do you say? Alhamdulillah. Not only do I thank Allah, I also praise Him. Whatever is happening must be good. And so good that I thank Him for it. And not just that I thank Him for it, every time I also praise Him for it. What an awesome thing you did. In light of your... Jazakallah Khairan. It's really nice of you. Despite your troubles, you say Alhamdulillah.
But when you mean it, it's something else. Now you're really remembering Allah. And you know this Hamd of Allah, giving credit to Allah, what does that teach you about yourself? Whenever you think you accomplished something good, what are you supposed to say? Alhamdulillah.
Who did you actually give credit to? Allah. But you do that from your heart. You don't just say... Somebody comes to you and says, Brother, great khutbah. You say, Alhamdulillah. Yes, I know. That Alhamdulillah is not really Alhamdulillah. That's more about yourself than anybody else. Right?
You have to learn to be uncomfortable with praise. You should be uncomfortable with praise. You should be quick to give credit immediately to Allah. And at the same time to put yourself down. You don't know, brother. You don't know. I don't think you should say that. You don't know what I'm really like. Allah knows. Just make dua for me. That's it.
I don't need your praise. I need your dua. I don't need you to thank me. Sister, I don't need you to tell me, the other sister says, you're such a good sister. No, I don't need to hear that from you. That doesn't help me. That actually hurts me. Because when somebody tells me how good I am, what does that boost? My ego. Right? And that's the biggest problem you can ever have.
So nobody is doing anyone a favor by praising them. And one last thing to add to this about humility. When somebody comes and talks real nasty to you, right? And they're condescending to you, it's a good way to put your ego down. So they may have even done you a favor. That may have been, they think they've won over you, but maybe that's a message from Allah. Maybe that's a gift from Allah, to give you the gift of humility. Maybe that's what it is.
That's what Ibn Taymiyyah used to say. When someone offends me, I think it's a gift from Allah that he's putting, he's teaching me humility. SubhanAllah. It's a different attitude.
Second Remedy: Serve People for the Sake of Allah
Then learn to serve people, for the sake of Allah. Give to the, you know, a lot of times people get burnt out. And this is the last thing I want to say about religious folks, right? Especially youth. They do so much activity. They join an organization, they join a group, they join a masjid, they join whatever program. And
they're fired up, and they're burning themselves out, running after this program, left and right, and left and right. And eventually, you know what happens? They get burnt out.
They get completely burnt out. And when they burn out, they're never able to recover from that again. Keep a balance. Take it easy. You don't have to do everything in one weekend. You don't have to do everything in one summer. It's okay. You can do, keep it gradual. Keep up with it, inshaAllah ta'ala.
The Importance of Correct Intention
But when you do things for the sake of Allah, and you get frustrated that you're not seeing results, like you know, this talk. I was invited. And I said, okay, okay, I'll come Sunday night. No problem. Why not come Saturday night? Nobody's going to be here. You know what my first reaction was? So? I'm not coming here for you.
Why am I coming here? There's a bigger reason. You're not paying me. Who's paying me? Right? So if there's one person here, or a hundred people here, or no one here, did I already get my credit if I had the right intention? I did. If I had the right intention.
Why did you come here? If you came here because your friends are coming, because you got nagged into coming, because your ride isn't leaving, so you're stuck here. Then you got nothing. But if you were here, say, but your intention was, I'm going to remember Allah tonight. I'm going to come closer to Allah tonight. Even the wait, when there was nothing going on here, even did that count in your favor? Change of attitude, change of intention.
Right? It'll help you so much in life. Because when you do things, you'll pass out the flyers, and you will invite people, and nobody will show up, and you'll say, people don't listen. You won't be frustrated. You know why? Why were you passing out the flyers? Why were you sending the invitations? Where did you put the expectations with?
Your job is the effort, his job is the results. You're not in charge of the results. When you internalize that, life becomes so much easier. And you become more satisfied with yourself. You don't become frustrated. No, there were only a few people there. There could have been more. Yes, there could have been more. But that's in the hands of Allah. Did I do my part? Did I make enough effort? That's the only question to ask. And were my efforts seriously for the sake of Allah? That's the question to ask.
Constantly Renewing Your Intention
These things I bring up, because intentions, are not something you make once. There was one time in your life, you made the intention, you're gonna serve Allah's religion. You're gonna become a better Muslim. You made that intention. But that intention can get rusty. So you gotta keep going back. You gotta keep fixing it.
And you know, everybody else thinks your intention is strong, because they only see what? The outside. What don't they see? The inside. And because they see the outside, they tell you, you're pretty good man. And you start believing them too. So you're only making the problem worse for yourself.
The first remedy was, remembering Allah.
Third Remedy: Find Better Company
The second remedy, find better company. Find company of people that are better than yourself.
Fourth Remedy: Learn to Keep Your Mouth Shut
The third remedy, important remedy, learn to keep your mouth shut. Learn to keep your mouth shut. If you see something really bad, find a humble way of giving advice to a Muslim. Think, are the words I'm gonna say to them, are they gonna make them even more, you know, averse to the religion? Or should I find some loving, soft way of slowly pulling them back? Without compromising the principles. But can I bring them closer to the Deen? Maybe change their company. Maybe change their scenery. Maybe if they heard a little bit of advice.
You don't wanna change their behavior first. You wanna change what first? Their heart. Once their heart changes, behavior will change automatically. Most of the time, we go after people's what? We go after their behavior. You can't change people's behavior. You can only remind them and hope that Allah changes their hearts. Right? Your job is to remind.
The Example of the Prophet's Persistence
فَذَكِّرْ - The messenger sees people doing shirk, people doing kufr, and Allah is telling him year after year after year,
- remind them, reminder will have benefit (Quran 87:9).
The man is doing dawah to the same bunch of really bad people for 10 years and Allah keeps telling him, Remind, it's gonna have benefit. Remind, it's gonna have benefit. You remind someone, it doesn't have benefit. You know what you say? I reminded him, he didn't listen. That guy is not gonna benefit from reminder.
Look at the seerah of the messenger. How often does he remind? And Allah keeps telling him, You may not see the benefit, you may not see the benefit, but is there still benefit? There is.
And who's the first person who benefits from sincere reminder? The one who gives the reminder. Who is it benefiting first? You, yourself. Because you are accepting that the words are coming from you but the effect will come from where? From Allah.
And if your words didn't have any effect, then maybe there was something wrong with who? Your first reaction shouldn't be there's something wrong with him. He didn't listen to me. That's not your first
reaction.
You know the messenger ﷺ, and this is the last comment I'll make. When he gave advice to the, when he gave dawah to the people and they didn't accept, one of the thoughts that crept into the messenger's mind was, maybe I'm not doing my job right. Maybe I could have said it better. And Allah reminds him, No, no, no, no. You're doing your job right. You're doing what you're supposed to do. You just keep warning. You just keep reminding. Don't worry about the results. Just keep doing what you're supposed to do. Do what you're supposed to do.
Two Important Ayahs for Guidance
Along these lines, the last ayah that came to mind, I should share it with you because it's important in this issue, inshaAllah ta'ala. Two ayahs, one from shura, one from surah shura, surah number 42. And another ayah in which the messenger is given advice in surah Ali Imran. So two ayahs.
First Ayah: About Religious Disagreements
In surah shura,
- They didn't disagree with each other until after knowledge came. They didn't disagree with each other until after knowledge came (Quran 42:14). So who's disagreeing now? Knowledgeable people.
Knowledgeable in what? Knowledgeable in what? Science, physics, chemistry, biology. What are they knowledgeable in? The religion. Knowledgeable in the book. Knowledgeable in the sunnah. And what are they doing after that knowledge? Falling into disagreement. Why? Allah gives the reason too.
بَغْيًّا بَيْنَهُمْ - Out of an urge to dominate over each other. They had this urge. They want to feel superior. And what's their weapon by which they feel superior? Knowledge of the religion. They turned that into a means by which they can inflate their ego. SubhanAllah. What a horrible crime.
And it's that ayah where Allah by the end He says
Had it not been that a time had been appointed of time, meaning had it not been that Allah had already decided when they will be punished, their matter would have been dealt with immediately (Quran 42:14). They would have been punished right away.
This is a high crime. This is a high crime that they're doing. Using the weapon to disagree. The knowledge is a weapon to disagree with each other. Not for any other sincere reason except ego. A horrible. May Allah protect us from that crime. Especially our youth, man.
The Culture of Ego
Youth culture in this country. You're playing ball. Somebody blocks your shot. What happens? The next play, you better avenge and revive your dignity because the tribe will look down upon you. Right? There's this culture. How dare you against me? It's not just a sport. It's a test of ego. Right?
Somebody cuts you off on the road. What gets enraged? You? With your Honda Civic? Pass me by? Me with the M5? No, no. I will show you. I will express my supremacy very, very soon. I'm gonna floor it and show you how it's done. What is that a show of? Ego.
Constantly in our culture, we're being sent the message, inflate your ego. It's all about you. The song writer, the singer. My chain, my hat, my shoes, my socks. Whatever. All about me, me, me. You can't touch me. You can't look at me. You can't look at me in the eye. I'm gonna do this to you. Then I'm gonna do that to you. What's this about? What's the whole message? Ego. Worship of the self. That's all it is. That's really what it boils down to.
And this deen is only a deen for those who humble themselves before Allah. Right? So that's very, very important message of this ayah.
Second Ayah: About Leadership and Gentleness
The last ayah, Al-Imran. And especially for those who are in a position of leadership. Those of you that others look up to. Those of you that know and think even that you have more knowledge than others.
Allah tells His Messenger ﷺ It is by the special favor and mercy of Allah that you are lenient towards them, meaning it's mercy from Allah that you are lenient towards them. If you were tough, harsh of the heart, if you were stiff with them, if you were arrogant towards them, if you were even hard, rough around the edges when you talk to them, if you were stern with them, they would have dispersed away from you (Quran 3:159).
They, who's they? Sahaba would have ran away from you. Who's you? The Messenger ﷺ. Can you imagine? The Sahaba running away from the Prophet?
Allah didn't say, if you didn't call to the truth, they would run away. If you stop teaching them Qur'an, they would run away. If you didn't present the Wahy, they would run away. What would the Messenger do that would make them run away? He's still teaching Qur'an. He's still giving the truth. Everything is the same. What's the only thing that changed in the ayah that would make them run away? He's tough to them. He's harsh with them. That would be enough, and they would run away. Subhanallah.
What a message Allah is teaching His Messenger ﷺ. If that's the message to the most amazing leader, you don't think it applies most to us? It applies enormously.
Everyone is in a Position of Leadership
If you're in any position of leadership, and if I was to ask for a show of hands, don't raise your hands rhetorically. If I was to ask for a show of hands, how many people are in a position of leadership? You know what? All of you should be raising your hand. You're all in a position of leadership.
You're all in a position where you should be able to give counsel to someone, and that's fine. But how do you give that counsel? Especially if they're Muslim. Instead of making them more averse to the religion, learn to be a little more tolerant.
Don't justify wrong behavior. That's not what I'm saying at all. If you see some haram, call a spade a spade. Look, this is a haram. I really worry about you. And there's ways of saying it, right?
You know you're going to hell for doing that, right? That's one way of saying it. Man, you should be ashamed of yourself. That's one way of saying it. Bro, I'm really worried about you. Seriously? Why? You know that's bad. And I love you, man. Why do you do it? You need help? I mean, why really? Just stop, man. Let's talk about it. Sincere, ya humakallah. Right? Let's talk about it.
Sincerity. It shows, you know. The way you talk to people, it shows if you're sincere, or you're just trying to just, you know, pass comments on them. You know, just put them down. There's a difference. There's a difference in how we talk.
أَذِلَّةٍ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ - They're humble, powerless when they present themselves to believers (Quran 5:54).
That's the attitude in the Qur'an.
How to Know You Are Sincere
But then finally, how do you know for sure you are sincere? It's in the ayah. And we're done. In that same ayah
After they mess up, and you're lenient towards them, if they mess up, number one, forgive them lovingly, ask Allah to forgive them (Quran 3:159).
You know, asking Allah to forgive them is not... Some brother does something bad, and you say, Hey, by the way, may Allah forgive you. That's not فَاسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ - should you ask Allah to forgive them? When you're asking Allah to forgive yourself. In private. Because the private dua is what? Sincere. That's sincere.
In front of everyone, By the way bro, you're pretty messed up, but may Allah forgive you. I make dua for you. That's not what the ayah is saying. That's actually a show of what? Arrogance, ego.
Make sincere dua for them in private. فَاسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ - And then to make them feel like you think of them as a decent person, وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الْأَمْرِ - Consult them and take their opinion. Ask their opinion. Treat them like a decent person.
The Messenger ﷺ doesn't need anybody's shura. He makes decisions based on revelation. Allah commanded him to consult them in decision making. Why? So they would feel what? Included. Dignified. This is the characteristics of a leader. Right? He makes those who are under him feel dignified.
When you make a decision, place your trust in Allah (Quran 3:159). Because your decision is not the key to success. It is Allah that is the key to success.
Allah loves those who place their trust in Him.
Closing Du'a
May Allah make us from those who place their trust in Allah. May Allah not allow our hearts to become hard. May Allah make us a people sincerely of dhikr to Allah. May Allah grant us the gift of better company than ourselves that keeps our ego in check.
May Allah give us the ability to give advice to those around us. The people of (لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا ٱللَّٰهُ) - The people who share this wonderful kalima with us are more beloved to us and closer to us than even the bond of blood. (لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا ٱللَّٰهُ) brings us closer than the bond of blood.
And may Allah make us share that love and affection and unity with the other Muslims. And show them that sincerity from the bottom of our heart. May Allah penetrate good advice into the hearts of those who need it.
May Allah make us capable of taking advice and taking the best of it and not allowing the advice to become a means by which our egos are inflated. May Allah keep us humble before Him. Forgive our shortcomings that have occurred in the past.
May Allah from here on out make us of those whose hearts are perpetually being cleansed. And finally I ask Allah to accept all of our gatherings including this one. And to accept all of the good deeds and the acts of worship we do for Him with all of their shortcomings and all of the flaws even in our salah and our wudu and our dua.
All of the shortcomings aside, may Allah accept whatever patchwork we do. May Allah just overlook all the shortcomings and accept from all of us.
Indeed You are the Oft-Returning, the Merciful, O our Master.
And may Allah send blessings upon the best of His creation, Muhammad, and upon his family and all his companions.
Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah and His blessings.
Jazakum Allah khair for listening. I hope you don't have any questions. At all. Good. None on the sister side, right? Okay. Usually that means a question. It's not good. Yeah, can I have a question? Sure.
Question and Answer Session
Question: My question is, when you said that we have to do what we do, but we are not responsible for the result, because there is a result. Do we have to choose the right thing or the right way, basically, to
make the best way to get the result, but if you don't get it, that's okay.
Answer: Right. That's exactly right. People are confused. Do you think it's okay to do that? It's not choosing the right... No, you have to choose the best course. You choose the best course. You apply yourself to your best, and then place your trust in Allah.
Right? This is what we learn from the legacy of the prophets. They apply themselves to the nth degree, and then rely on Allah. There are two extremes. One extreme is, I'm gonna make all the efforts and all the results are in my hands. The other extreme is, I'm gonna make no efforts, and the results in Allah's hands. These are two extremes. They're both diseased attitudes.
What's the right attitude? I'm gonna make whatever effort I can, to the best of my ability, while knowing the results are in Allah's hands. That's the balanced attitude. Okay?
No questions, right sisters? This is great. There is a question? Really? Okay. Going once? Oh no. That's usually... That's usually bad. I can stop now. Go ahead sister.
Sister's Question: I thought that's what I just did, but... Okay. Yeah. If somebody comes across as saying they're more intelligent, I don't think those kinds of people should be advised by you, if they're talking to you like that. I think it's better to get them advised by elders or other peers. Because if they're talking like that to you, and then you tell them, I don't think you should talk like that or whatever, you're just gonna create more antagonism. Sometimes it's good to get a third party, to maybe in a subtle and careful way throw it in.
Answer: And the other thing is, this is what I learned, this is sometimes wisdom you learn from elder Muslims. There's a personal story, there's a brother in a masjid, I know, most of my best friends are really old people. So then they're 70s and 80s and such. Right?
There's a really old gentleman, and he, you know, we used to meet at the masjid everyday and stuff. And there was a fight in the masjid. It was a nasty fight. You know, have you seen one of those? They're pretty ugly. Okay?
So these two guys are just going at it, and they're really nasty to each other. And, you know, one basically calls the other dumb essentially. I'll do watered down versions, okay? But anyway, this older gentleman knows both of them, and stops talking to both of them. He's always nice, he says salam to them, how are you, and just walks away. Usually he's like, makes a longer conversation. He's very cordial, but he walks away.
And you know, he's so wonderful in his personality, those people, they feel it. They feel like he doesn't talk to us like he used to anymore. So one day, one of them, this happened in front of me, one of them just came up to him and said, you know, you don't talk to me like you used to. Are you mad at me? He
goes, no, I'm not mad at you at all. So he says, but you don't talk to me the same way. He goes, yes, I don't. So why don't you?
He says, look, I saw you get angry with that other brother the other day, and I just got scared, maybe one day you'll get angry at me. I'm just, I wouldn't want you to be angry at me, so I'm just trying to be safe.
Like he put it in such a soft way, and the guy felt so bad, he went and apologized to the other brother and they made up. Right? That's the wisdom of an elder, you know, they know how to approach things. You know, and this sometimes, it's our demeanor towards people.
You know, you can show some people, you can show someone that they've hurt your feelings without actually saying it. You can show it with sort of a distant demeanor. And people use hurtful words towards you, my advice is to distance yourself from them.
In a respectful way, they'll still. We don't cut relations in Islam, we don't do that. We don't cut ourselves off from people. But it's a healthy thing to distance yourself from someone who uses abusive language towards you. That's a healthy thing to do. And if there's any ounce of good in them, they will feel it.
Right? And they'll come to you and say, what's happening? Why aren't you talking to me? But if there's no good in them, guess what? They'll say, ah, good for them, good for me. I don't want to talk to you anyway. So that's probably good for both of you. Right? But distancing yourself is probably my best advice. InshaAllah ta'ala. It's a silent kind of advice. And in such cases. Wallahu ta'ala. That's it.
We're all done. Alhamdulillah. I think we're all done.
Glory be to You our Master. All praise is due to Allah. I seek forgiveness from Allah.
As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah.