I Believe I Can Fly (Back to Allah)
By Nouman Ali Khan | 2026-01-09T13:24:16.225275+00:00 | Topic: Allah
I Believe I Can Fly (Back to Allah) - Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan
Opening and Introduction
As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
الحمد لله رب العالمين، والصلاة والسلام على سيد الأنبياء والمرسلين وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين
Alhamdulillahi rabbil alameen. Wassalatu wassalamu ala sayyidi al anbiya wal mursaleen wa ala alihi wa sahbihi ajma'een.
: يقول سبحانه وتعالى في كتابه الكريم. بعد أن أقول أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم
"And do not wish for that by which Allah has made some of you exceed others. For men is a share of what they have earned, and for women is a share of what they have earned. And ask Allah of his bounty. Indeed Allah is ever, of all things, Knowing."
رَبِّ ٱشْرَحْ لِى صَدْرِى وَيَسِّرْ لِىٓ أَمْرِى وَٱحْلُلْ عُقْدَةً مِّن لِّسَانِى يَفْقَهُوا۟ قَوْلِى آمين رب العالمين
Rabbish shahli sadri, wa yassili amrih. Wahlul uqdatan min lisani. Yafqahu qawli amini rabbil alameen.
Personal Connection with Imam Siraj
Before I share with you some things about the ayah that I've picked for this talk, I want to tell you guys something about myself and Imam Siraj. Back in college, this is like 98, 99, 2000 time, I used to be in an MSA in New York City at Baruch College.
And you know how MSA has club hours? We had club hours on Thursdays. And we're in New York City and of course this masjid is in Brooklyn, so a couple of us guys would go on Wednesday night because we knew there's no way to catch Imam Siraj-ul-Hajj that time on the phone. It's impossible.
So, we used to go to Masjid Taqwa for like dhuhr. Cut a class or two and go. I don't recommend it. So, we'd go to dhuhr and just go up to the desk, the security desk. There's a really big scary brother there. He says, so is Imam there? We have to ask him something about our MSA.
He says, wait in the musalla, brother. Okay, okay. So, dhuhr comes. No Imam Siraj. Alright guys, let's wait till asr. Wait till asr. Maghrib. Imam's here. Imam, we've got to talk to you, we've got to talk to you.
We've been here since dhuhr. Could you please come to our program tomorrow? There's going to be like four of us there, but it doesn't matter. Imam Siraj would consistently, every time we came and we
dragged him, he would come consistently to our programs, even if there was six people sitting there, four people sitting there.
It didn't matter to him. He just did it for us. He was this father figure for us. And ever since then, and this is before I could grow a beard, by the way, mind you. So ever since then, he's been picking on me at conferences consistently. He does not stop.
The Importance of Private Relationships
What I wanted to talk to you about in these few minutes, inshallah ta'ala, is - you know, I have to give you guys credit for picking the weirdest titles for speeches. You know, you've beat the MSA, and you've beat other conferences in strange titles. I believe I can fly. Are you serious?
But I'll take it to what I think is an appropriate discussion, and an important one, especially for young Muslims. Some of the older Muslims here have suffered as a result of not understanding and internalizing some of these things in their life. Look, I say this in a lot of my talks, but the most important relationships you have are the ones that are not in public. The most important relationships you and I have are inside our homes, in our private lives.
And even if you have a great reputation outside, if you are a horrible... If you have a horrible relationship with your own brother, your own sister, your own parents, your own close friends, you don't have good relations with them, you end up in an argument with them very, very quickly, very easily you lose your temper with them, or they lose their temper with you. Or you notice that everybody in your family is usually upset with you for some reason, then there's a problem.
Then it doesn't matter what people on the outside think of you, that's all hollow and that's empty. Because those are not relationships, those are acquaintances. They're just people that know about you, they don't know you. The people that know you aren't happy with you, that should tell you something about yourself, that should tell me something about myself.
And that's something that really needs a lot of work. And I tell you, in Islam we talk about big things and we sometimes overlook what we think are little things, but Allah doesn't let us do that in His Quran. You know, we talk about Islam coming to all of the world, and institutions, and universities, and big visions, and I share those visions.
But, at the same time, our deen makes us start at the level of the individual, forces us to fix the situation inside the household first, so we can build a better society. Our deen teaches us that the building block of a good society is the family first.
The Reality of Jealousy in Human History
Something about jealousy. Something about jealousy. What is the first murder that happened in human history? Anyone know?
Qabil wa Habil قابيل وهابيل - An act of jealousy. An act of jealousy between siblings, yes? Even before that crime, the first sin or the first act of direct disobedience to Allah that we know of can also be found rooted in jealousy. The jealousy of Iblis against Adam (peace be upon him). Jealousy is serious business.
And jealousy is so powerful, that even if you come up in a good household, Yaqub (peace be upon him) is an awesome father. I cannot question his parenting, I can't. As a matter of fact, and I've said this many times before, when the Quran talks about role model fathers, it keeps going back to Yaqub (peace be upon him). Yaqub (peace be upon him) is highlighted as a model for fathers.
And how you're supposed to be with your children. And yet, even in that amazing, beautiful household, that is 3 generations of prophets. Ibrahim (peace be upon him), Ishaq (peace be upon him), Yaqub (peace be upon him), and then their sibling Yusuf (peace be upon him), 4th generation too. Even in that household, trouble makes its way as a result of what? Jealousy. Between siblings. Between siblings.
Sibling Rivalry in Muslim Households
Sibling rivalry they call it nowadays, right? Now tell me this, I mean, how many of you have siblings by the way, just so I know who I'm talking to? Okay, Mashallah. We're Muslims, like pretty much all of us have siblings. We don't do single child, that's just not our style. Like only one? Aren't you bored?
So, as our children are coming up, and as I came up, and as you come up, sometimes dad gets angry at you. First thing that goes in your head, how come he doesn't get mad at him? How come he's always picking on me? How come my mom keeps telling me, why can't you be more like your sister? I hate her. And now I hate her even more because mom wants me to be like her.
I can't stand her. And that rivalry grows. And you have friends. As you grow older, you have friends outside. And your sister walks into the room, and say, get out of here. These are my friends. You can't have any of those. And then when your friends leave the house, were you talking to my friend? Don't talk to my friends. You know what's going to happen? Rivalry between sisters. Rivalries between brothers. Always fighting over stuff.
Yo, bro, that's my shirt. What? You always do that. I hate that. And you're beating each other up. And then, of course, dad comes in, and because we are, mashallah, Muslim fathers are awesome. They'll do one of two things. One, they'll punish the guy closest to them. That's one, like, justice system in the Muslim. Hey, come here. That's one.
And two, this is also pretty amazing. No, no, no, we should have equal rights. So let's gather the entire extended family and punish all of them. Because, you know, right? And as you're all getting punished, you blame that one. It's because of him. I can't stand him.
The Growth and Consequences of Sibling Jealousy
As, you know, in childhood, these things are funny. But they grow, and they grow, and they grow. And eventually, you're gonna have a family of your own. And you're not gonna be calling your brother or your sister. Because of some things that would be brewing for a very, very long time.
I tell you now, as a matter of fact, as a matter of fact, I think one of the people that understands me better than anybody else, I can talk to her. When I can't talk to... Even my mom I can't talk to sometimes about some things. My wife, nobody will understand like my older sister. And she's very different from me. We're like polar opposites. We get on each other's nerves. We do. But when it comes to certain things, I know the only one that will understand what I'm saying is her. And she knows the only one that will understand what she's saying is me. So we call each other and talk about that stuff.
You know. Siblings have to have a lot of love for each other. And it's amazing, you know. Some things Allah put inside of us. You'll be beating each other to death at home. Like you two guys, just pounding each other. And then you go to school and somebody says something about your little brother. What you say about my brother? It's my brother. I get to punch him in the face. You don't even... You don't talk to my brother like that. You know, you're so protective of him on the outside. It's time to start being protective of your siblings inside the home too.
They have to be your best friends. Fighting is gonna happen. It's inevitable. But jealousy should never be there. A little bit of a quarrel here and there, that's a natural part of growing up. There's nothing wrong with it. I don't say there's anything wrong with it. You know. But there has to be a healthy atmosphere.
The Complexity of Family Dynamics
A lot of you parents are worried. Because you're noticing your siblings, all they do when they talk is they fight. Every time they interact, they're upset with each other. You know. And they don't want the other to be around. And with girls, it's even more complicated. It's really complicated with girls. My girls will tell me, Abba, she looked at me. Okay, okay, okay. Calm down. Hey, don't look at her. I wasn't looking at her. So complicated. She always says I'm looking at her. You know.
But to some level, this is natural. But at another level, you know what happens? Mom loves her more. Mom loves him more. Dad always praises him and always puts me down. My failures are a result of the love I don't get. I'm messed up because of that guy.
You know, my little brother went to med school and I'm still like, you know, super duper awesome senior. And you know, trying to figure out what major I'll be. I'm 28 years old. I'm like, I'm not sure what, you know. I met those guys. I met those 28, 29-year-olds.
So, you've been in college? Yeah, alhamdulillah. So what's your major? I don't know. I decided to change it. How many times, bro? You know. And then if you get deep into a conversation, you know, my brother, he's just really smart and you know, Allah gave him the good genes. Apparently, He gave you a jinn. He gave him genes. Right?
Stop Making Excuses and Blaming Others
Don't blame your inadequacy on somebody else. And the easiest target is your sibling or your parent. My parents didn't give me enough love. They didn't do this for me. They didn't do that for me. Stop blaming others.
Al-ma'adhir makadhib المعاذير مكاذب - Excuses are nothing but lies. That's all they are.
So let's listen to what Allah Azza wa Jal has to say. Very powerful statement:
Wala tatamannu ma faddalallahu bihi ba'dakum ala ba'd - Surah An-Nisa (Quran 4:32).
The Context of the Verse
And by the way, just before I tell you what the ayah means, where it is in Surah An-Nisa the ayah is also remarkable. Right before this ayah, Allah was talking about major sins. Major sins. Allah Azza wa Jal says right before this ayah:
If you were to be able to stay away from the major sins, that you have been forbidden from, murder, riba, consumption, those kinds of things. If you could stay away from that big stuff, I'll forgive your sins. nukaffir 'ankum sayyi'atikum تُكَفِّرْ عَنكُمْ سَيِّئَاتِكُمْ - We will bury away from you your evil deeds.
wa nudkhilkum mudkhalan karima وَنُدْخِلْكُم مُّدْخَلًا كَرِيمًا - And look at the language, we will enter you into a gracious entrance. In other words, the gate itself, you could say the gate will be beautiful in Paradise. You could say the gate is gonna be grand, it's gonna be big. Allah says no, the gate will be noble. In other words, anybody walking through it is being honored. They're being like, you know, inaugurated. They're being commemorated as they walk in. So honor is mentioned, dignity is mentioned.
The Message Against Wishing for Others' Blessings
And in the very next ayah, Allah talks about people that have low self-esteem. They don't have enough respect for themselves. In the previous ayah, Allah said, I want you to go through a noble gate. مدْخَلًا
تَدْخُلُهَا مُدْخَلًا كَرِيمًا - An entrance that is noble in and of itself.
And the next:
Wala tatamannu ma faddalallahu bihi ba'dakum ala ba'd - Don't wish for the things Allah favored others with, some over others. Allah gave your sibling better physical strength. He gave you better intellect. He gave you a more mathematical mind. He gave you a more creative mind, artistic mind.
What I'm trying to get across is, Allah forbade us from wishing, I wish I could be taller. I wish I was the older brother. I wish I was like my sister. I wish I was this. What Allah has given you is good. It's a favor from Allah. And wishing for something else is actually a negation of Alhamdulillah.
When you and I say Alhamdulillah, we're grateful to Allah for what He has given us. Not what we wish He gave us. Not what we wish. Alhamdulillah already is a statement of self-esteem. You're already grateful, happy, content with what Allah has given you, with what Allah has given me. Don't try to be somebody else. Just be yourself. Just be yourself.
Equal Opportunity in Allah's Reward System
And acknowledge that what you have is a gift from Allah Azza wa Jalla. And then He even adds, sometimes this happens between brothers and sisters. You know, my brother gets to go outside, I don't get to hang out late at night. My brother gets to do everything, I don't get to do anything, the sister says. Allah says:
Lilrijali naseebun mimma iktasabu walilnisai naseebun mimma iktasabn - For men, they have a portion from what they're gonna earn. For women, they're gonna have a portion from what they're gonna earn and nothing more.
In other words, what you get in this world is trivial compared to what you're gonna earn with Allah. What you have to earn with Allah, it's equal opportunity. Just work on getting the pleasure of Allah.
The Psychology of Jealousy - Lessons from Surah Yusuf
And so one of the last things I wanna share with you on this issue. Because I'm telling you, this can really destroy a person. If you don't pay attention to this, you can become obsessive. You can become so obsessive that every time you think about your problems, you don't think about yourself. You think about who to blame other than yourself for your problems and it's usually someone, in many cases, that you're jealous of.
It's very peculiar that in Surah Yusuf, I was telling you about the story of jealousy, the aspect of jealousy between Yusuf and his brothers. It's very peculiar that when Yusuf's brothers spoke, the Quran records their speech. And in Allah recording what they said, He basically psychoanalyzed them. He gave us the entire psychological profile of these kids in like a sentence.
You got these kids figured out. You know what they said? You know, they're a bunch of guys and they don't begin with just defining themselves. They begin with defining the problem they have in their life. And then they define themselves:
Layusufu wa akhuhu ahabbu ila abina minna wa nahnu 'usbah (Quran 12:8)
My goodness! Yusuf and his brother, dad loves them way more than he does us. (وَنَحْنُ عُصْبَةٌ - wa nahnu 'usbah) - And we are a strong bunch of guys.
Instead of saying, we're a strong bunch of guys, how come dad loves them more? They couldn't even talk about themselves first. You know why? Because they're so obsessed with their object. This object of jealousy. It's so invaded their minds. Whenever they get together, they talk about that. You know?
This is a very serious problem because what this does is it never allows you to grow. It never allows you to become a better person, to come out of your shell. You're constantly living in the fake shadow of somebody else. And you put that shadow there yourself. Nobody else did that for you.
The Progression from Sibling Jealousy to Blaming Parents
(وَنَحْنُ عُصْبَةٌ - wa nahnu 'usbah) - And then of course, the blame doesn't stop at your sibling. If you say, my sibling is better than me, smarter than me, then the next thing is, my parents must have been their fault. So the first object of your negative feelings was your sibling. Then it progresses over to what? Your parents. They say:
Inna abana lafi dalalin mubin (Quran 12:8) - Our father is clearly confused.
So not only do we have bad feelings towards Yusuf, now it's gonna extend to dad also. And by the way, what happens to many of us? First we blame somebody else, then we blame even connected, we expand the circle and eventually, you know what happens? People start blaming Allah himself. Allah didn't bless me. Allah didn't give me enough.
The Dangerous Path from Depression to Disbelief
Allah describes these two adjectives together in the Quran. It's very powerful adjectives. Whenever trouble comes to a certain kind of person, they become (يَؤُوس - yaus) - extremely depressed. Extremely overwhelmingly negative. Nothing positive enters his mind. He's always thinking about problems. He doesn't laugh, he doesn't smile. He's just constantly negative, negative.
You ever see those people? You're within 5 feet of them, you get depressed. Those kinds of people. Isn't this conference amazing? Yeah, but it's... I don't know. You know. Down everything. Or when you're talking, they have to find the negative in everything. Wasn't that khutbah amazing? Yeah, but somebody double parked the car. I'm sorry. You have to find something. You have to find something to poke at. Something to be negative about. This is ya'us.
And Allah says, the only university you will graduate into from this high school of ya'us is (كفور - kafur). The only thing after this kind of depression is disbelief. If you're constantly complaining, you have no reason to be grateful to Allah. No reason to praise Him. And when that praise disappears, all that's left is disbelief. Subhanallah.
It's a very logical progression. It's a very logical progression. That's why it's so important. And Sheikh Abdul Nasser in another session spoke about this. Allah Azza wa Jal forbids us from losing hope in Allah. Why? Because hope is the first thing to go. Iman is next. Iman is next. And it starts for many of you with jealousy.
A lot of your depression is a result of jealousy. And it shouldn't be.
Cultural Issues That Breed Jealousy
I'll end with some practical examples. So you have, for example, where I come from, Pakistan. Alhamdulillah. I have three, four daughters. Three together and then two sons and then a fourth daughter. And you know, they're little girls right now but I have three sisters and all three of them got married and there was a formula in our household. And this is not just a formula in my household. There's a formula across households.
The oldest daughter should get married first. Then the one younger than her. Then the one younger than her. And if you are the fourth brother, well, you know what? (اصبر وصابر ورابط واتقوا الله - Isbir. Wasabir. Warabit. Wattaqillah.) Too bad.
We have to go in order because it looks bad. Because it looks bad. And if, for instance, a proposal came for one of the younger daughters, we have to turn it down because there's two more planes waiting to take off. So you can't get on the runway until it's the turn for your flight. So you're in the pipeline. And if one does get married, the other two older sisters are in serious depression like, come on. He cut the line.
It's like when you're upset with somebody who cuts the line at the restaurant. Come on, bro. That's not fair. What formula is this? We made these arbitrary rules and put ourselves in trouble. When Allah brings
rizq your way, a good proposal comes the way of your family. It's like rizq. It's like a gift from Allah. Consider it.
Don't just say it doesn't meet our formula that we set up for ourselves and we will hold on to it stronger than we hold on to any commandment of God Himself. And we'll put our own family in trouble as a result. Allah says to us:
Yurid Allah an yukhaffifa 'ankum (Quran 4:28) - Allah wants to lighten your burden for you.
We make our life hard. We make it hard. These jealousies land us in so much trouble. So much difficulty.
Career Pressures and Family Expectations
If your brother went to med school, it is not, oh my God, your parents are going to hate me for this one. If your brother went to med school and you don't like medicine, and you're going because your brother went, and if you don't go, then there's going to be some serious like, well, at least one son I can introduce at weddings. This is my son. He's a doctor. He's going to be inshallah. Don't you have another? Uh, excuse me, I got to go. The other kids are sitting there like, thanks mom. You know.
Don't do that to your kids. Don't instill that jealousy in them. Don't put that jealousy in them.
Parental Advice on Preventing Jealousy
There are so many things in our culture, and the last thing I want to talk about, just the parents guys, just the parents here. There are things that are part of our culture now that instill jealousy. That introduce jealousy into the family.
Birthdays. Birthdays. I'm not talking about a fatwa. You know, I'm not qualified. But you go and you get one of your kids a gift. Have you seen the look on the other kids' face? Have you ever seen what they look like? When's my birthday coming? It was just last month. I got to wait 11 more months? And until then I have to just tolerate that this one received special accolade over everybody else?
You guys review. You guys repeat. The story of Yusuf alayhi salam. Dad loves him more than us. You'll repeat that every birthday in your household. If you're going to get a gift, get it for everybody. If you're going to get it, get it for everybody. And if you're going to give a gift, make a part of it a gift that's supposed to be given to charity together. Allah gave us this, we're going to give some of it back. Instill good values into your kids. Values that don't brew jealousy among them.
Stop comparing your children to your other children. Stop purposely praising some of your children in front of other children. Stop doing that. You're my good son, looking at the other kid. You're my good son. Come sit here, my good daughter. Right? This is my good daughter, she listens to me. Man, if you
could see the flames coming out of the other one's head. You know, when you see a knife in the other one's pillow when she goes to bed. You know where that came from. You did that. The parents did that. That's no way of parenting.
I don't know why all these forms of psychological torture became standard in Muslim households as parenting techniques. But that's all they are, is psychological torture. You're just finding a way to stick it to your kids.
Creating a Loving Family Environment
Come on. Your kids should feel the most comfortable with you. The most relaxed with you. Their jealousy should be removed. They should be protective of one another. It's a destructive force. It's a destructive, destructive force. And you have to not just be, not just, that you're not jealous of your siblings. Or constantly talking down to your siblings.
I'm giving advice to the older siblings now. Older siblings, be nicer to your younger siblings. You're not their parent. And they'll tell you that. You're not my dad. Oh yeah? Although bigger. What you got to know? Who's your bro?
Be nicer to your younger siblings. Be kinder to them. It's important because they will grow to resent you. Naturally, younger kids, younger siblings, they grow to love and admire their older siblings. You know why they're always taking your stuff? Not because they think it's cool. Because they think you're cool and they want to be like you.
That's what it is. They just really like you. They look up to you. They want to be like you. Do you know why they want to talk to your friends, not their own? Because they really like you. They think, my older brother is so cool. They won't say it to your face, but they do. And you're like, why are you always following me around? God, leave me alone. No, he's following you around because he loves you.
The Long-term Value of Sibling Relationships
And you should keep them with you. You should be more tolerant of them with you. You should take them. When you hang out with your friends, take them with you. Take her with you. It's okay. It's an expression of love. And it's supposed to be there. And when that's there, man, one day you will appreciate it.
Because later, I've seen a lot of homes, when these siblings become older, the younger one refuses to talk to the older one. My older brother is, you know, he's a jerk. I don't want to talk to him. My older sister is so messed up. I don't want to talk to her. You know, and that's when you'll see the pay the price.
I told you now, alhamdulillah, I'm a family man. I have wife. I have kids. I have parents. Alhamdulillah, we're all together. But sometimes you just need your sibling. You just need your brother. You just need
your sister, you know.
Conclusion
So I hope that inshaAllah ta'ala, we can benefit from this conversation.
Barakallahu li walakum.
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.