Fatherly Advice
By Nouman Ali Khan | 2026-01-08T17:46:58.805738+00:00 | Topic: Iman
Fatherly Advice - Khutbah by Nouman Ali Khan
Introduction: The Significance of Luqman's Story
Today's khutbah is going to revolve around two ayahs of Surah Luqman. Surah Luqman is the 31st surah of the Quran. And these are very famous ayahs. These are famously called the passage of Luqman. The passage dedicated to a father by the name of Luqman who gave advice to his son.
Allah's Choice to Name Luqman
First couple of comments that I wanna make about this is that Allah chooses in His Quran sometimes to not name people. Like in Surah Yasin, Allah describes three messengers that came to one nation. And we don't know the names of any of them. Allah just says, He sent them mursaleen, He sent them people that were messengers.
فَعَزَّزْنَا بِثَالِثِ - "Then We strengthened them with a third" (Quran 36:14). They were first two sent to them, then the third one was sent. And none of their names are known.
Then someone came to help them and his name is not known. Musa Alayhi Salaam went on a journey to... because Allah commanded him to learn from someone else. The narrations outside of the Quran tell us his name is Khidr or Khidr. But the Quran never tells us his name. Quran says it's (عَبْدًا مِّنْ عِبَادِنَا - "one of Our servants" (Quran 18:65).
So sometimes Allah decides not to tell us names. There are lots of messengers of the previous Prophets. Like even among Banu Israil إذْ قَالُوا لِنَبِيِّ لَّهُمْ ابْعَتْ لَنَا مَلِكًا - "When they said to a prophet of theirs: 'Appoint for us a king'" (Quran 2:246). When a Prophet of theirs said, the Israelites, one of their Prophets said, or they said to their Prophet, appoint us a king. They're talking about Shamweel or Samuel in the Bible, but the Quran does not name him.
So Allah chooses sometimes to not name, and Allah chooses to name. And this man by almost ijma of our scholars, Luqman is not a messenger. He's not considered a Prophet, yet he is named.
The Special Honor Given to Luqman
So the first thing that's important to note here is just the fact that Allah chose to name him as a special honor given to this individual. There are so many occasions in which the companions of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) spoke to him, addressed him, incidents happened with them, Allah did not name them. Abu Bakr as-Siddiq was not named.
Allah just says إذْ يَقُولُ لِصَاحِبِهِ لَا تَحْزَنْ - "When he said to his companion, 'Do not grieve'" (Quran 9:40). He didn't say when he said to Abu Bakr, don't grieve. So this is something special from Allah that Allah chose
to mention someone particular by name. And that's an honor given to Luqman in the Quran.
The Importance of This Conversation
And so by highlighting that, I wanna also bring attention to the fact that what Allah is going to teach us in this passage is not to be taken lightly. You know, this is... Again, these are just moments in history that no historian could have recorded. This passage overall contains a conversation between a father and a son that probably happened in the privacy of their home, or when they're traveling together, or journeying together, or doing some work together. Nobody else is around. There are no recording devices. Nobody's documenting this conversation.
The only one documenting this is Allah. And how many billions of times, trillions of times, do parents have a conversation with their children? This is an everyday thing. It's part of our life. And yet, this one conversation is so important that Allah decided that the guidance that human beings will get until the day of judgment, they should be part of it. This little piece of conversation should be a part of it.
So it's a big deal that Allah makes a celebrity out of someone who we would not have otherwise known. And Allah makes this conversation highlighted as timeless, which otherwise we would never have known. We would never have known this conversation took place between him and his son.
So with that, you know, it's important when we study the Quran or we appreciate anything from the Quran, that first we take a step back and really value what it is that Allah has done for us. What is it that Allah has done? (وَيُعَلِّمْكُم مَّا لَمْ تَكُونُوا تَعْلَمُونَ - "He teaches you what you did not know" (Quran 2:151(. There was no way you had access to this knowledge or this wisdom.
The Meaning of Wisdom (Hikmah)
So now with that, we begin and we start with what Allah says about Luqman وَلَقَدْ آتَيْنَا لُقْمَانَ الْحِكْمَةَ "And We had certainly given Luqman wisdom" (Quran 31:12). That we gave Luqman wisdom.
Some parts of this ayah's discussion, I will be brief. Other parts, I'll try to detail, I'll speak in more detail. And I really wanna do emphasize one or two themes within this because if I spoke about the entire ayah, we'd be here for a long time.
In any case, Allah says He granted him wisdom. The first thing I'd like you to remember is what wisdom means in the Arabic language. It's (العِلْمُ النَّافِعُ وَالْعَمَلُ بِه - "beneficial knowledge that is acted upon.")
So it's not just something you know, if you have a lot of knowledge, doesn't mean you have wisdom. That means you have ilm, but that doesn't mean you have hikmah. Hikmah is something else.
And hikmah does not mean that you can drop lines of poetry, or you can say things and people go, oh, that was deep. That's not necessarily wisdom according to the classical Arabic definition. Hikmah is
actually to know profound things, to know deep truths, or deep and profound truths, but actually to live by them as well. Just to live by them as well.
This is something that was understood classically to the point where even Imam Al-Shafi'i رحمه الله when he reads وَيُعَلِّمُهُمُ الْكِتَابَ وَالْحِكْمَةَ - "and He teaches them the Book and wisdom" (Quran 2:129), he understood wisdom to mean the sunnah of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) famously, right? Because sunnah is the practical application of the knowledge of the Quran. So he understood that connection very immediately. And so he interpreted hikmah as sunnah.
The Essence of Wisdom: Gratitude to Allah
In any case, Allah says, we gave Luqman wisdom, meaning this man lived a certain way. It's not just that he knew certain things, but he lived a certain way practically. And now Allah is going to summarize his entire life. Like what does it mean that someone has beneficial knowledge and they live a certain way? The summary of that is (أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِلَّهِ - "Be grateful to Allah" (Quran 31:12). And this is in the amr form.
It's actually, وَلَقَدْ آتَيْنَا لُقْمَانَ الْحِكْمَةَ أَن يَشْكُرَ لِلَّهِ is the expected form. But those of you that are a little bit sensitive to nahu, there's an immediate switch to amr. As if a command is existing here. He lived a life telling himself over and over, be grateful. So it's actually a conversation he's having with himself.
Allah has given him the wisdom to have a conversation with himself, to talk to himself and say, be grateful to Allah. Be grateful to Allah. Be grateful to Allah.
The Human Struggle with Negativity
That's important because we're going to find ourselves in situations where we're going to look at the problem in front of us. لَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنسَانَ فِي كَبَدِ - "We have certainly created man into hardship" (Quran 90:4). Allah created the human being, drowned in labor and difficulty and stress and problems and depression and anxiety. There's troubles around us all the time.
And whenever you're surrounded by troubles, you and I are preoccupied with the negative. When you're preoccupied with the negative, there's no way you can think about what to be grateful for. That's impossible. You can't be drowned in negative thoughts and be grateful at the same time. Those two things cannot coexist.
The only time you can be grateful is if something good happens to you or at least you recognize something good has happened to you. Someone gives you a gift, you say thank you. Simple, it's not complicated. So the idea here is that he used to make an extra... His life was one of telling himself constantly, no matter what the circumstances, I have to look in my life for what I need to be grateful for right now.
Human Nature and Ingratitude
Now the thing is, in human nature, because Allah (عز وجل) said إنَّ الإنسانَ لَظَلُومٌ كَفَّارٌ - "Indeed, mankind is [generally] most unjust and ungrateful" (Quran 14:34). Allah has already told us this. Human beings are very wrongdoing and they're extremely ungrateful. And what is one of the ways in which we're extremely ungrateful? We always have reason to complain.
Always. If somebody says, hey, what's on your mind? You say, nothing, nothing, I'm okay. No, no, you can talk to me. All right, here's a list. And then there's a list of all the issues. I mean, it's too hot. I hate, you know, I used to live in California, now I'm living in Texas. And you know, if you got all kinds of problems, or money issues, health issues, family issues, personal issues, you know, all career issues, education issues, self-worth issues, self-esteem issues, all kinds of issues. And we're drowning in those issues.
And if you were to just take a moment and think about, what am I actually thinking about that I should be grateful for? It's actually very hard. It becomes a difficult exercise. I can't really think about anything right now. I'm drowned in the negativity.
Knowledge vs. Gratitude
And it doesn't matter how much knowledge you have. It doesn't matter how long your beard is or how tightly your hijab is worn. This has nothing to do with the outside of our Islam. This is something that's happening inside of our hearts. So you and I could be hufadh of the Quran. We could have all the knowledge in the world, but gratitude isn't there because we're always negative. We're always complaining. We're always looking at what's wrong around us.
Understanding Shukr vs. Hamd
The word shukr has to be understood a little bit deeply also. Shukr is different from hamd. The Quran begins with alhamdulillah. That's where the Quran begins. Now the words alhamdulillah, the word hamd is actually a combination of two things and I'd like you to remember that. I know I say a lot of things in a khutbah, but a few things I'd like you to keep with you even after you leave.
So here's one of those things. Hamd is two things. It's praise and gratitude. It's praise and gratitude combined together. And what does that mean? When you see a nice car drive by, you praise it. Oh, nice car. You didn't thank the car. You weren't grateful to the car. You just praised it. So that's praise. But when someone gives you the nice car, then you're very grateful and you say thank you. That's gratitude.
Sometimes you can have praise without gratitude. It's possible. And sometimes you can even have gratitude without praise. That happens too. I mean Ibrahim alayhi salaam is really grateful to his father. He raised him. But he's not gonna praise his father because his father builds idols. So you can be grateful to someone even though they're not praiseworthy.
Musa alayhi salaam was grateful to the Pharaoh for raising him. But that doesn't mean he's gonna praise him. Those two things don't have to go hand in hand. You know sometimes people, when you thank them, they expect you to praise them also. Those two things don't necessarily go together. But with Allah, they always go together. Praise and thanks always go together.
The Focus on Gratitude Alone
This passage is actually not about praise. Because it's not اِنْحَمَدْ لِلَّهِ You see? It's اِنْشُكُرْ لِلَّهِ about gratitude alone. Just being grateful. We're not even getting to the praise yet. When you have gratitude and praise combined, then we graduate to something called hamd. This is even before hamd. This is even before hamd. This is the starting, the first steps in our relationship with Allah.
If you wanna get to where you need to be, you need to have a conversation with yourself. I need to have a conversation with myself about what is it that we should thank Allah for. اِنْشُكُرْ لِلَّهِ And actually, I told you before, wisdom isn't just beneficial knowledge. It's not just thoughts. It's actually what translates into behavior. Translates into outlook. Translates how do you perceive things? How do you understand things?
The Attitude of Gratitude
You probably heard the phrase a million times. Is the glass half empty or half full? Someone with praise of Allah is gonna praise Allah that there's water here. Someone without the shukr of Allah rather, the gratitude is gonna say, why isn't it full? Why didn't you bring it from the fridge? Why is this room temperature? All the things that are wrong with it. That's the attitude of someone who doesn't have shukr.
Right? So, this is an attitude that he embodied.
The Personal Benefit of Gratitude
And then Allah says, profound wisdom from Allah وَمَن يَشْكُرْ فَإِنَّمَا يَشْكُرْ لِنَفْسِهِ - "And whoever is grateful is grateful for [the benefit of] himself" (Quran 31:12). Because this is Allah's way of telling us that what He's teaching us right now isn't just about Luqman. He says, and whoever is grateful, meaning not just Luqman, whoever learns from this and becomes grateful, then he's only doing so for his own self.
فَإِنَّمَا يَشْكُرْ لِنَفْسِهِ You're only doing it for yourself. The thing is, either I'm greedy or unhappy all the time. Right? I'm unhappy with the relationship I'm in. I'm unhappy with my children. I'm unhappy with my parents. I'm unhappy with my friends.
I'm dissatisfied with the house I live in. I'm dissatisfied with the job that I have, with the clothes that I'm wearing. I'm dissatisfied with the way I look. I'm dissatisfied with my education. I'm dissatisfied with people's opinions of me. I'm constantly dissatisfied.
The Liberation of Gratitude
Living a life of gratitude is actually liberating. It frees you from negative thoughts and makes you capable of doing more with yourself. It actually gives you energy. It makes you optimistic. It gives you a boost. And you're able to do things otherwise you weren't able to do. I find that this is my experience.
The Muslim Ummah's Addiction to Negativity
Hopefully yours is not the same experience. Unfortunately in the Muslim ummah, that's the only experience I have is this ummah, we are really addicted to negativity. We're addicted to negative. As a matter of fact, we're so addicted to negativity, if someone's doing something positive, you know what we say to them? What's the point? Nothing's gonna change. Why do you even bother?
And so instead of looking at anything positive, we say, oh, you think you're doing something good? Look at all these problems that haven't been solved. Would you just come back, join the negative club again? Why are you being so positive? Like someone being optimistic is kind of, we almost get an allergic reaction that this isn't how things supposed to be. Why don't we bring you back down into the negative world again?
Right? So this, and unfortunately sometimes this, from those we look up to. Parents for example. Luqman is going to be described as a father. When a father is constantly negative, when a mother is constantly negative, what do you think is gonna, how are you raising your kids with shukr? If they always see you complaining, if they always see you upset, if they never see you appreciate, not them, not anything else. There's never a happy look on your face.
The Impact on Non-Religious Muslims
And a lot of people that come up to me and speak with me, a lot of them don't identify themselves as religious Muslims. Right? Sometimes people come and meet me and say, I've seen some of your videos and stuff, but I don't really go to a mosque, or I don't, you know. But I said, so tell me about this. Why don't you identify yourself with a religious community? Why do you feel uncomfortable with, you know, people that you think are religious?
You know what they tell me? They're always upset. They look angry all the time. They're just really angry. How is it that the people that have divine wisdom, which is supposed to translate, the wisdom equals gratitude in this ayah. Hikmah, the summary of hikmah, the khulasa of hikmah, the lub of hikmah is what? Is shukr.
How is it that someone who's closer and closer and closer to Allah learns more and more and more about Allah's deen, is more miserable? As a matter of fact, the more grateful you are, the more positive you are all the time. You just have a positive outlook on everything. And even if you are down, of course it happens. We are, there are moments that we're down. We tell ourselves, what am I gonna be grateful for now? And you pick yourself up again.
The Example of Musa Alayhi Salaam
I'm reminded of, you know, Musa alayhis-salam. I'm always reminded of Musa alayhis-salam. But still, I'm reminded of Musa alayhis-salam. He crosses the water. He's with the Israelites. They left their home, they're homeless. There are hundreds and thousands of them. They're homeless in the desert. They have no roof over their heads. There are men, women, children, suffering, crying. Can you imagine the state?
Like right now we're 20 minutes outside in the 100 degree weather in Texas, and we're like, I gotta get inside. These people are living in the desert, outside of Egypt. This is insane. And he's gonna give them a khutbah. He's gonna calm them down. And what does he say to them?
He basically says, the khutbah is:
"If you are grateful, I will certainly give you more" (Quran 14:7). I thought he was gonna give them a khutbah about patience. No, he gives them a khutbah about gratitude.
And they're like, what are we supposed to be grateful for? Look at the weather, man. Look at how bad the temperature is, my kids. I'm starving, we don't have any other clothes on our backs. Where are we gonna get food from in the desert? Grateful? Grateful for what?
And if you stop for a moment, grateful for the fact that you weren't just killed, or you didn't just drown, or you're no longer slaves, you're no longer humiliated, your babies aren't being slaughtered anymore, your women aren't being allowed to live, and live in degradation. The men of this community don't have to watch their women being humiliated in public. They don't have to do that anymore.
You're not grateful? You're complaining? There's always something to be grateful for. There's always something Allah takes you out of, pulls you out of. There's always something that could have been far worse.
The Wisdom's Benefit and Allah's Independence
And so this wisdom is very hard to live by. And if someone does, then the only beneficiary is themselves.
And this is a profound wisdom from Allah. If you and I can become grateful, then you know what happens?
Allah's promise, I'll give you more, and more, and more, and more, and more. Allah will increase, and give you more of all the good in life. Guidance, health, provision, everything will start falling into place if you can develop and I can develop gratitude. That's the wisdom of it.
"And whoever denies [His favor] - then indeed, Allah is Free of need and Praiseworthy" (Quran 31:12). And whoever wants to be ungrateful, whoever were to be ungrateful, Allah is not in need. Allah is already praised. He doesn't need you to thank Him for Him to feel important. That's human beings. Human beings need praise.
Allah doesn't need praise. Some people say, why should I be grateful to Him? You know, common atheist argument, why does your God need praise so much? Because you know, when someone needs praise, they're absorbed in themselves. Why does your God always ask for praise? Allah says, He's غَنِيٌّ. He's not in need. He didn't need that praise. That was for you. You were the beneficiary of it.
And then on top of that He says, He's حَمِيدٌ Whether you praise Him or not, praise already belongs to Him. Not only shukr belongs to Him, hamd belongs to Him on top of that. Praise belongs to Him and gratitude belongs to Him already. Even if you didn't exist. He's not waiting on you for it.
The Attitude Behind Actions
Then from that man living that life of gratitude and that's shaping everything that he does. The attitude with which he does something. You see, it's not just about the acts that we do. Please pay attention to this part. It's not just what you do, it's how you do it. It's not just what you do, it's how you do it.
You can eat the same plate of food, same exact plate of food. And the person next to you is eating the same exact plate of food. And they're eating it with gratitude and you're not. You did the same thing. You ate the same food. You ate it with the same hand. You both said, bismillah. Everything looks the same. But one of them has shukr and the other one doesn't have shukr. One of them will benefit in this life and in the next. The other one will not. The other one closed the doors to those blessings because of the attitude with which they carried themselves.
Shukr is more than just an act. Shukr is also an attitude.
Luqman's Advice to His Son
Now, what does he say to his son?
"And [mention, O Muhammad], when Luqman said to his son while he was instructing him, 'O my son, do not associate [anything] with Allah. Indeed, association [with him] is great injustice'" (Quran 31:13).
When Luqman turns to his son and says to him, in a moment where he was giving him counsel and advice, he says to him يَا بُنَيَّ my young son, my beloved son لا تُشْرِكْ بِاللهِ Don't put anyone next to God. Don't put a partner next to Allah.
But the conversation wasn't about shirk, it wasn't about worshiping idols. The conversation in these ayat was about being grateful. We're learning from a literary point of view, there's actually a contrast, shirk, shukr, there's a play on words. But there's also an important thing here that we need to note.
Gratitude as the Heart of Our Relationship with Allah
Allah is telling us that the heart of our relationship with Allah is actually gratitude. More than any other feeling we have towards Allah, we are His slaves, we are afraid of Him, we recognize His authority, we recognize Him as our creator, our maker, our guide, all of those things are true. But more than all of that, in our hearts, the first thing that needs to be there for us to have a real relationship with Allah is shukr.
And if that's not there, then a kind of shirk will exist that you may not be able to battle. Because it doesn't look like an idol. It doesn't look like something you can... like a false god that you worship. It's an idol that lives inside.
And so he says لا تُشْرِكْ بِاللَّهِ don't do shirk with Allah. Instead of saying, don't be ungrateful to Allah, right? Because if he was taught wisdom to be grateful, you expected him to say, don't be ungrateful. But he says لا تُشْرِكْ بِاللَّهِ don't do shirk with Allah. Don't put something else next to Allah, where Allah belongs.
Teaching Children Gratitude
What in the world? How in the world do we understand that? What is the teaching that Luqman is giving to his son? And by the way, it's not just fathers talking to their children, it's anyone of influence talking to anyone who is under their influence. If there's anyone in your life that looks to you for wisdom, if anyone in your life looks to you for wisdom, and especially I'm talking to fathers, because it is obviously about a father. But even outside of that, if you're the older brother, if you're the mentor, if you're someone that they're looking up to, and this is the teaching you need to impart down to them, how do I teach this to my kids? I ask myself this question.
You see, some of you, Allah has given. You have good job, good business, money is okay, house is okay, rent is paid, car is there, everything is there. And your life is a lot easier, your children's life is a lot easier than your life. When you were children, it was much harder.
I remember when we used to go, we used to live in another country, on Eid we used to go get a burger. And we would cut it up and we would have a burger, the whole family. That was our Eid. And I'd be looking at the piece my sister got, because you want to get the middle part of the burger, because that's the biggest part. Because kids always want to get the first piece, I'm like, yeah, I'll take the first piece. First piece is the side, that's mostly bread.
So... The point is, our kids don't know that. Our kids say, hey, I want to get cheese on mine, I want to get mayonnaise on mine, I want no cheese, I want onions. They don't have the life that I had. They don't see that it was difficult. They don't have the same level of struggle.
The Challenge of Entitled Children
When your teenage kids are saying, I don't know if I want to go to this college or that college. I'm not sure what kind of car I'm going to get. And you're reminding yourself, man, I used to get pushed around in the bus. I was delivering newspapers. I was getting yelled at and fired from my job for showing up three minutes late. I was barely making enough money to pay for tuition. And I was actually, whatever money I made was going into paying for the groceries for the house.
And my kids were saying, yeah, I'm not sure if I like this car or that car. You just want to bang your head into a wall. What just happened here? Because our kids are so entitled. They're so entitled. They can't possibly be grateful. That's not how you become grateful.
You know, we have to teach our children the value of money. Giving your children a better life doesn't mean you get them a nicer house. You may have destroyed them by getting them a nicer house. If your house is full of so many toys, and their eyes are always on the next toy that you're going to get them, and the ones you just got them two days ago are trash. Right? They're just trash. Then we don't know what this means. Why are we even reciting this?
Living Gratitude as Parents
An-ishkur lillah as a father means you first of all live a life of gratitude. You live within your means. And you teach your children the value of work, the value of rizq, the value of appreciating what they do have, not keeping their eyes on what they don't have.
Eid just passed by, and on Eid the kids are getting rich. Right? But this was a great opportunity to teach our children gratitude. Why? Because at the end of Ramadan Allah says
"so that you may be grateful" (Quran 2:185).
But we, man, how much did you get? You got $20, I got $15. We're not in a state of giving. We're in a state of taking. We're turning our children into monsters, into consumers, and consumers, and consumers. And they want more, and they want more, and they want more.
The Dangerous Consequences of Spoiling Children
And the moment you don't get them what they want, I literally have to deal with parents whose child said, you're gonna get me a new iPhone. And they said, no. And he said, I'm gonna kill myself. And they had to come see me. Because the kid was ready to, just making these kinds of threats because he's not gonna get a new iPhone. Because the internet would be cut off. Because they don't have Wi-Fi in the house.
This is the opposite of shukr. And this is a form of shirk with Allah. This is a form of shirk with Allah. When shukr is gone, then only thing left is shirk. Then the only one you're grateful for is you're serving yourself, you worship yourself.
"who has taken as his god his [own] desire" (Quran 25:43).
The most important object of pleasure, the one you wanna please, the one you wanna satisfy, the one you wanna submit to is your own whims, your consumption, your consumption. Children don't know, they have to be guided. They will become what you make them. And you and I can't afford to do that.
Finding Balance in Parenting
Just because you have money, doesn't mean you do this with your children. Of course, the opposite extreme, some parents don't do well, or even if they're doing well, they give their children nothing. And then they use this khutbah. Don't do that either.
"But seek, through that which Allah has given you, the home of the Hereafter; but do not forget your share of the world" (Quran 28:77). There's a balance. But I wanted to highlight something that's important to highlight.
Teaching Responsibility
The value that we have to impart into our kids. When your kids become teenagers, or even before they become teenagers, they have to work around the house. They have to contribute. And when they do, they don't say, how much you're gonna pay me? You sleep here. You live here. You have to take responsibility.
Teach your children responsibility. Not in exchange for something. Not so they make money. Not so they're gonna get this game at the end of the month. Not because of that. And if we do that, if we keep making them into just constant consumers, and what are you gonna give me? What are you gonna give me? What are you gonna give me? Guess what's gonna happen parents? Let me tell you what's gonna happen.
The Connection Between Gratitude to Allah and Parents
You raise these children not to be grateful to Allah. If they can't be grateful to Allah, how are they gonna be grateful to you? Isn't those two things are connected? Yes or no? Allah says
"Be grateful to Me and to your parents" (Quran 31:14). Same passage. Those two things are connected.
If we don't raise our children growing up to be grateful for what they have before Allah, then I can guarantee you, the moment they become independent, the moment they become independent, they have nothing to do with you. They don't care when you call, they don't respond to your text message, they ignore you, they dismiss you, they walk out of the house whenever they feel like.
You're like, what happened to this child? I did everything for you, I gave you, and I gave you, and I gave you, and now you're giving me nothing? Yeah, because I don't need you anymore. You just fed my greed and now I can feed it myself. I'm independent. What do I need you for? That transaction is over. Thanks, bye. And now we're sitting in shock. What happened to our kids? Well, maybe we spoiled them rotten. Maybe we destroyed them. Maybe we did that out of love.
Money and Children as a Trial
"Your wealth and your children are but a trial" (Quran 64:15). Allah says that for a reason. Your money and your children are a massive trial. Because money and children, when you don't handle both of those things correctly, especially money for children, when you don't handle them correctly, it becomes a massive trial. It becomes a disaster.
Sometimes not buying your kids things is a good thing. Sometimes not giving them what they want is a good thing. Sometimes holding back from them is a good thing. This is important. And this is something that you have to... It's not just theoretical.
Living Wisdom, Not Just Teaching It
We can't just teach our children, say, alhamdulillah. It has to be lived, which is why this passage began,
"And We had certainly given Luqman wisdom" (Quran 31:12). Give them wisdom, lived wisdom, lived teachings. To live gratitude.
What it means to truly... How often do our kids even clean up? How often do our kids organize their clothes? Wash their own clothes? We're doing everything for them, slaving away for them. How are we preparing them to be grateful? When everything is handed to them. Many Fir'auns, they're going around saying,
"I am your most exalted lord" (Quran 79:24). I don't want a burger today, I want pizza today. Let's go.
"And these rivers flowing beneath me" (Quran 43:51).
You know, this is what we're turning them into. And it's not their fault. It isn't their fault. When our kids are becoming spoiled, it's not because they're shayateen, it's because we're not giving them the guidance. Part of wisdom is, that you raise your children in the right way. You curb their appetites, you control them. Children don't have that control. We have to exert that control on them lovingly. And this has to happen.
The Loving Approach
And of course, the ayah in the beginning was,
"O my son" (Quran 31:13). And this is what I want to leave you with يَا بُنَيَّ my beloved son, my young son, my little boy. Meaning, the father talk to his son in a loving way. You don't listen to this and say, yeah, alright, I just came back from Jumu'ah, and things are gonna change around here. There's a new sheriff in town.
No, no, no. Hold on. Don't get too fired up. That's not gonna last anyway. Do this in a loving way. Have real conversations with your children. Change their attitude towards things. And tell yourself, and they can't do that if they don't see it in you and me. Well, if they don't see it in you and me, they can't do that.
If we're throwing plates of food away, you know, and if we're ordering, when we're hungry, we're ordering all the items in the restaurant. You know, and after two bites, they're like, ah, I'm done. And then you keep yelling at your kids, finish your food, finish your food. Like, look at you. They're not learning anything from you. They're not learning gratitude.
You're like, yeah, I throw the rest of it away. Really? Throw it away? Eat less? Consume less? This is... If this isn't there, Islam itself disappears. I tell you, scary stuff. Islam itself disappears.
The Continuous Nature of Gratitude vs. Past Ingratitude
Which is why he said to his son
"And whoever is grateful is grateful for [the benefit of] himself. And whoever denies [His favor] - then indeed, Allah is Free of need and Praiseworthy" (Quran 31:12).
Last bit of, you know, an insight from these ayat. When Allah said, whoever is grateful, whoever is ungrateful. He compared the two, right? When he talked about the people that are grateful
. He used the present tense. And I'll explain what that means in normal English in a second.
And when he spoke of ingratitude
he used the past tense. And there's a reason for that. So he says, whoever is grateful or whoever continues to be grateful, does so for himself. But whoever doesn't, or whoever were to be ungrateful, past tense. Whoever was ungrateful.
This is Allah's profound way of telling us that shukr is something that is continuous because the present tense is continuous. It has to continue. It has to go on. Like you have to keep telling yourself I was saying in the beginning. It must carry on. And it's not like you're grateful for something once and you're done. Okay, I already thanked Allah for the house. I can move on to thanking for something else. No, it's a continuous gratitude. Continuous appreciation.
And then on top of that, kufr needs to become something of the past. Ingratitude should become a thing of the past. And even if it happens once in a while, it should happen an isolated case. But if your life is one of being ungrateful all the time, there's a serious problem.
The Connection Between Disbelief and Ingratitude
There's a reason that disbelief and ingratitude are the same word. (كَفَرَ - kafar) means disbelief. (كُفْرٌ بِاللَّهِ - kufrun billah) disbelief in Allah. And (كُفْرَانُ النِّعْمَةِ - kufranu-n-ni'mah) from the same origin (كُفْران - kufran) means denial of favor, to be ungrateful. It's as though to Allah, a kafir is actually two things, someone who denies Allah and someone who's ungrateful.
Can you imagine? Someone who denies Allah and someone who's ungrateful, same thing. Which is why someone who's grateful cannot be someone who does shirk. That's why. Because if you're grateful to Allah, you can't possibly do shirk.
Conclusion and Du'a
May Allah (عز وجل) protect us from the shirk of being ungrateful. May Allah (عز وجل) make us of those that live shukr, and make us of those that are able to impart that sense of shukr into their children.
"All praise is [due] to Allah, Lord of the worlds - The Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful, Sovereign of the Day of Recompense. It is You we worship and You we ask for help. Guide us to the straight path - The path of those upon whom You have bestowed favor, not of those who have evoked [Your] anger or of those who are astray" (Quran 1:2-7).
(اللَّهُ أَكْبَرُ - Allahu akbar) - "Allah is greatest"
(سَمِعَ اللَّهُ لِمَنْ حَمِدَهُ - Sami'a Allahu liman hamidah) - "Allah hears whoever praises Him"
(اللَّهُ أَكْبَرُ - Allahu akbar) - "Allah is greatest"
وَإِذْ قَالَ لُقْمَانُ لِابْنِهِ وَهُوَ يَعِظُهُ يَا بُنَيَّ لَا تُشْرِكْ بِاللَّهِ إِنَّ الشِّرْكَ لَظُلْمٌ عَظِيمٌ وَمَن يَشْكُرْ فَإِنَّمَا يَشْكُرُ لِنَفْسِهِ وَمَن كَفَرَ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَنِيٌّ حَمِيدٌ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِلَّهِ - "And [mention, O Muhammad], when Luqman said to his son while he was instructing him, 'O my son, do not associate [anything] with Allah. Indeed, association [with him] is great injustice. And whoever is grateful is grateful for [the benefit of] himself. And whoever denies [His favor] - then indeed, Allah is Free of need and Praiseworthy. Be grateful to Allah'" (Quran 31:13, 31:12).
(اللَّهُ أَكْبَرُ - Allahu akbar) - "Allah is greatest"
(سَمِعَ اللَّهُ لِمَنْ حَمِدَهُ - Sami'a Allahu liman hamidah) - "Allah hears whoever praises Him"
(اللَّهُ أَكْبَرُ - Allahu akbar) - "Allah is greatest"
(السّلامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللَّهِ - Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah) - "Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah"