Controlling Anger (Quran Weekly)

Controlling Anger - Nouman Ali Khan

Opening and Introduction

I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Satan.

الحمد لله وسلام عليكم Quran Weekly. Once again a small reminder.

I want to talk to you today about controlling your temper and your anger. But I don't want to construct an argument for you from my own mind. I'd rather share with you how Allah (عز وجل) brings the topic up. And the way in which Allah (عز وجل) connects different things together. So we can think about it from a really unique, really a divine perspective.

The First Principle: This World is Temporary

The first thing Allah says is:

He says, whatever you've been given in this world, these are utilities of worldly life. In other words, these things are insignificant. These things in comparison to what is coming in the next life, is nothing by comparison.

And we get hung up on these things. And we think you lose something or you gain something. Or something goes wrong, it's the end of the world.

It's not the end of the world. Whatever you've been given is just utility مَتَاعٌ. مَتَاعٌ in Arabic means something you use but don't necessarily enjoy. The ancient Arabs used to use مَتَاعٌ for a brush that they would scrape dishes with.

It's something you use but you don't really say, wow, what an amazing brush. You don't do that. Because it's not something to necessarily enjoy.

A broom, a shovel, a fork. These are the things that are مَتَاعٌ in Arabic. Allah says the entire world, everything in it is مَتَاعٌ. Everything you've been given is مَتَاعٌ. In other words, that is something for you to use, but really to use for a higher purpose. And the thing to enjoy is the next life.

What Allah Has is Better

So He says:

What Allah has is better. What Allah has is better. You might be wondering already, I said I'll talk about anger. Why am I talking about this? It's all connected according to Allah.

He says, whatever you've been given is what... (فَمَتَاعُ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا - utilities of worldly) or this closer life to you. (دُنْيَا - dunya) comes from (أدْنَا - adna) actually, that which is closer, also that which is inferior.

So this inferior, closer life, these are the things for you to use here. And He says, (وَمَا عِندَ اللَّهِ) And whatever Allah has in His possession (خَيْرٌ وَأَبْقَى) It is better. Number one, it's better.

(وَأَبْقَى) And it's longer lasting. What Allah is alluding to here, subhanahu wa ta'ala, is that in this world, whatever you have, Allah has something better. You have a house, Allah has a better house.

You have clothes, Allah has better clothes. You have a ride, Allah will give you a better ride. You have youth or health or strength or ability, Allah will give you better of those things.

You have company, Allah will give you better company. Everything Allah has that He's storing for you there is far better. So don't get caught up in these things.

And remember, as great as these things are, what Allah has is better. But He added another adjective. He said, (أبْقَى) And comparatively, much longer lasting.

In other words, everything you have is temporary. You have a house, it starts deteriorating. You know, you have health, it starts withering away.

You have strength, it starts weakening. You have a car, a nice car, it starts getting problems. You have friends, they disappear, they move to other towns.

Or you drift away and you have your own lives. Everything you have in this life that you enjoy, it doesn't last. It doesn't last.

So Allah says, why don't you work for something that A. is better and B. lasts longer. (خَيْرٌ وَأَبْقَى)

For Those Who Believe and Trust

But for who?

For those who really believe. And really, you know, when Allah mentions believers, it's not just talking about belief in general, even though that's included.

It's specific to the ayah. Who really believe that this stuff in this world is not as good as the stuff in the next. This is for those people.

And they place their trust exclusively and their reliance exclusively upon their master. What that implies is, it takes a lot of trust in Allah to really, really believe that what He's offering you in the next life, something you haven't even seen or touched or smelled, only heard about, it's enough for you to trust Him just based on His word. That takes trust.

So He says, for those people, what they have in the next life is better and longer lasting. But it takes belief and it takes trust in Allah.

Avoiding Major Sins

Then He says:

Those are the very people, in other words, people who prefer the next life over this one and understand this to be utilities to use, they keep themselves away from the most major of the sins.

Again, a side point here, there are minor sins and there are major sins. Your first priority, get away from major sins. And sometimes you're doing major sins and you're talking all the time about, oh, I shouldn't do those minor sins, right? But get away from the major sins, priorities come first.

(كَبَائِرَ الْإِثْمِ) Then He says specifically:

And all forms of shamelessness. Again, this is not a talk about shamelessness, this is about controlling anger. And I haven't said anything about controlling anger yet, how come?

The Connection Between Self-Control and Anger Management

Allah says, they stay away from major sins, they stay away from all forms of lewdness, vulgarity, shamelessness.

Then He says:

And whenever they get angry, I'm not even gonna finish the sentence yet, but now He's bringing up anger.

You see where He brought up anger? First He told you what is in this world is nothing compared to the next. Because if this world is everything you have, when things go wrong in this world, you get angry.

But if this world is nothing compared to the next, whether you gain or lose, or something goes wrong, it's not that big of a deal for you. You can easily say:

No doubt, we only belong to Allah and to Him, we have to be returned anyway. And it's easy for you to calm down.

That happens when you really internalize the first lesson. The second issue here was, Allah mentioned staying away from major sins. And He specifically highlighted one of them that in this short talk I'll highlight.

All forms of shamelessness. What is shamelessness? It is the inability to control your temptations, your emotions. You have an urge and you let it out.

You have an urge to see something and you don't hold back, you look at it. You have an urge to go somewhere, you can't hold yourself back, you go somewhere. You have an urge to contact someone or be with someone, and you do it, you don't hold back.

No matter if it pleases Allah or not, that's not on your mind. You can't control yourself when it comes to these urges. Well, if you lose control over these urges and these emotions, then when it comes to your anger, you'll be out of control too.

So the one who is shameless is also easily one who has no control over their temper. But the one who can guard their shame and control that emotion, which is much more powerful by the way. Because all of us have temptation, you know, towards shamelessness all the time.

We have to guard ourselves from it all the time. If you could do that, holding yourself back from anger is so much easier. So much easier.

The Ultimate Standard: Forgiveness During Anger

But he goes even further. He doesn't just say... I didn't translate it yet, right? I said, when they get angry,

whenever they get angry. But I didn't say, whenever they get angry, they calm down.

He said, whenever they get angry (هُمْ يَغْفِرُونَ) they forgive. Now, it's one thing to get angry and calm down. That's hard enough.

But it's... I mean, imagine this. Somebody made you really upset. And Allah says, these people who really trust Allah and want the next life more than this one, when they're really angry, that's when they forgive.

SubhanAllah. SubhanAllah. We don't even forgive when we're calm.

And Allah is saying, if you really wanna be the person who prefers the next life, learn to forgive when you're angry. What a standard He set for us. By the way, this is not mandatory.

This is for people of the highest caliber. May Allah make us from them.

Justice vs. Forgiveness

Because in the next ayahs, Allah says, yeah, you can get angry. You can take revenge.

The reward of something bad that has been done to you, the payback is something bad you can do right back. Somebody slaps you, you can slap him right back.

This is allowed in Islam. Revenge is allowed in Islam. Seeking justice rather, not on a personal level, but through the system of justice.

It's allowed in Islam. But Allah says, if you can still learn to forgive:

If you can learn to forgive, lovingly forgive, and reconcile. And what's the previous ayah said? Not just calm down from your anger, but forgive on top of that.

The Reward for Forgiveness

Then what's the reward? Why should I then not forgive? Instead of forgiving, or why should I take revenge? Instead of taking revenge, why should I then forgive? Why should I pick one over the other? He says:

He says, then the reward... Remember before He said Allah has is better? And it's longer lasting? This time He says, if you're able to forgive someone, despite your anger, then let me tell you, the reward is so immense, it can't even be described. The only thing that can be said is (عَلَى اللّهِ) It's on Allah. In other words, Allah will take care of you.

Allah will take care of you. It's so undescribable, the only thing that can be said is, it is on Allah to take care of your rewards.

SubhanAllah.

Conclusion and Prayer

May Allah make it easy for all of us to keep our anger down, and to keep ourselves calm, and especially give us the ability to forgive, particularly when it comes to people in the family. Particularly when it comes to people in the family. Because we're very unforgiving to people in family.

May Allah bless me and you with the Wise Quran, and may He benefit me and you with its verses and wise remembrance.