Abuse of Women

Abuse of Women - Nouman Ali Khan - Malaysia Tour 2015

Opening and Introduction

اَلْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ، وَالصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَى أَشْرَفِ الْأَنْبِيَاءِ وَالْمُرْسَلِينَ، وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ أَجْمَعِينَ. ثُمَّ أَمَّا بَعْدُ

فَأَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ.

"Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand."

رَبِّ اشْرَحْ لِي صَدْرِي وَيَسِّرْ لِي أَمْرِي وَاحْلُلْ عُقْدَةً مِنْ لِسَانِي يَفْقَهُوا قَوْلِي آمِينَ يَا رَبَّ الْعَالَمِينَ. ثُمَّ أَمَّا بَعْد. السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللَّهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

The Topic: Understanding the Controversial Verse

We are going to talk about hitting women. We are going to discuss one of the most controversial verses in the Quran that people struggle with.

The Prophet's General Policy

I want to start by saying that the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) in a very well-known and sahih hadith narration says:

"Do not hit the female slaves of Allah."

That's the declared policy of our Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ). That is the sunnah policy. Do not hit the female slaves of Allah. Now, which woman is not the female slave of Allah? None of them. All human beings are the slaves of Allah. So don't hit women is basically what the Messenger said (عَلَيْهِ الصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ).

The Wisdom in the Prophet's Language

The way he used the language (لَا تَضْرِبُوا إِمَاءَ اللَّهِ), it's a very interesting bit of language because as opposed to saying (لَا تَضْرِبُوا النِّسَاءَ) "Don't hit women," he said don't hit the slaves of Allah, the female slaves of Allah, (إِمَاءَ اللَّهِ). What difference does it make?

Well, if you're hitting a slave, like if I hit somebody else's slave, I'll get in trouble with who? The master. The fact that he attributed their slavery to Allah actually makes it a problem for someone to hit women because now they are going to have to deal with Allah (عَزَّ وَجَلَّ).

The Importance of Understanding the Complete Ayah

But that still doesn't answer the question that the Quran says hit them, which a lot of people have a lot of problem with. I actually want to talk about how the Quran deals with this subject. And the first thing I want to tell you is Allah (عَزَّ وَجَلَّ) talks about how people ignore or overlook or even bury some parts of the book.

(Quran 2:85) - Do you believe in parts of the book and disbelieve in other parts?

Quran (15:91) - They took the Quran and tore it into pieces.

The Context of Surah An-Nisa

People like to look at part of the Quran and not look at other parts and that is an injustice to the Quran. A surah is a unified speech of Allah. It's one whole. You cannot take an ayah out of a surah and say that I understand it without understanding fully what's going on in the rest of the surah.

The ayah I recited to you is one ayah. Ayah number 34, Surah An-Nisa, the surah of women. So today inshaAllah, what I want to share with you is some basic background to help us make sense of this ayah, which is supposed to be really controversial.

Understanding the Broader Context of Unusual Circumstances

You know, women they say, I believe in Islam, but the one thing that really shatters my iman is this ayah. It really messes me up. I don't blame you, because the ayah has been abused by non-Muslims to make attacks against Islam, and the ayah has been abused by Muslims in using its misunderstanding themselves.

First of all, you have to consider the entire surah. Allah in the beginning talks about one of the other favorite subjects of women: polygamy. But what I want to bring up is how did Allah talk about polygamy? The way Allah talked about it is not, "a man can marry four women." The way Allah talked about it is, if you have orphan girls in your home:

(Quran 4:3) - Then marry from the women what is good for you - two, three, or four each.

Laws for Extreme Circumstances

The scenario is, somebody is raising women in their house that were orphans, and he, in order to make sure that the relationship is legitimate, can marry up to how many? Is this a normal situation? No. Even that, the way the law was introduced was through a very unusual situation.

Then Allah talks about inheritance, which happens at the time of death. Is death an everyday thing or a very unusual case in a family? Very unusual, once in a lifetime thing.

Then Allah talks about the strangest thing. He says:

(Quran) (4:23) - Your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your aunts, etc. They're haram for you to marry.

Why would He even say that? Because there are extreme, rare, crazy cases where somebody has psychological problems. And the Quran has to deal with protecting society.

The Principle: Laws Address Extreme Cases

What I'm trying to tell you is from beginning to end, when the laws are mentioned in Surah An-Nisa, the laws are on the outside periphery of society. They are the unusual cases. They are the rare circumstances. That is actually the standard of the ayat of Sharia. It's not dealing with everyday things. It's dealing with extreme things.

The Meaning of Qawwam

Men are caretakers of women. الرجال قوامون على النساء - Men are caretakers over women. Some people have looked at the word قوام and have assumed this to mean men are authorities over women. The problem is, the word قوام has nothing to do with authority. The word قوام actually has to do with maintenance and taking care of something. It is the same origin from which we get the word القيوم the name of Allah, who takes care of all creation.

- Men are maintainers over women. They take care of women. They maintain their protection. They maintain their dignity.

Who Benefits in This Arrangement

Now who's been given the responsibility in this ayah? Men have. Men have been made responsible over women in that they have to take care of them. So who's the beneficiary? Women are the beneficiary in this ayah.

بما فضل الله بعضهم على بعض - Based on Allah having preferred some over others.

The thing is, Allah did not say فضلهم عليهن. If you say عليهن then it means, Allah preferred them over them. When you say بعضهم على بعض it actually only translates into some over others.

Understanding Degrees and Context

But Ustadh, there's an ayah in the Quran where men have a degree over women.

Quran 2:228) - Men have daraja over them.

Men have a degree over those women. Now, listen to this. He didn't say women. He said them. When you say them, then you're using a pronoun. When you use a pronoun, it can only be used about the one you already spoke about.

In that ayah, what happens? Husband and wife are getting divorced. المطلقات - Women that have been divorced. Allah gave men the advantage over divorced women in this ayah. Is he saying men have advantage over all women? That's not the ayah. The ayah is about women that have been divorced.

Women's Testimony in Context

A woman's testimony is half that of a man. We get this from an ayah of Surah Al-Baqarah:

Quran 2:282) - If you can't find two men, then find a man and two women.

أن تضل إحداهما فتذكر إحداهما الأخرى - If one gets confused, the other can remind her.

First of all, that's not even the translation. أن تضل means confusion. النسيان means to forget. Allah says

(Quran (20:52) - Allah does not get confused and Allah does not forget. Allah put those two words together because they can't be the same.

Responsibilities of Good Women

Now he says, now that you have been given these responsibilities, what are the responsibilities of women?

فالصالحات قانتات - Good women are subservient.

Some argue subservient to Allah because qunoot only comes with Allah. But also, in being subservient to Allah, they're also being subservient reasonably to their husbands.

Guarding the Unseen

حافظات للغيب بما حفظ الله - They guard the unseen on account of what Allah wanted guarded.

The primary meaning is that women are in the unseen of their homes. They're in the privacy of their homes when the man is out to work. And much of the time what she does, she knows. The biggest thing that she's guarding is the dignity and the trust of her husband. She's guarding the respect of that entire household.

The Fear of Nushuz

واللاتي تخافون نشوزهن - And those women that you are afraid of their uprising.

نشوز is actually uprising. When something jumps up, that's called نشوز. Now نشوز - if you're afraid of their uprising.

The first question that arises is, when is a man ever afraid? Fear is a strange word here. We don't associate the disobedience of a woman with fear.

Understanding Nushuz in Context

The second real question is the use of the word nushuz. What does uprising mean? When you don't have clear outside evidence, you shouldn't even go to outside evidence until you've done exhausting Quranic evidence.

In this ayah, on the one hand, there are good women. How were they described? Righteous, they do good deeds, they're subservient, they guard the unseen. The climactic quality was what? They guard the unseen, which primarily means they're loyal to their husbands.

If there's one thing a husband might get scared of, is that she's thinking about someone else. If you're afraid of an uprising in terms of the loyalty of your spouse, the ayah itself is contrasting the loyalty of the spouse with her uprising.

The Prophet's Teaching on This Matter

When women came to give bay'ah to the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ): لا يسرقن ولا يزنين - They won't steal and they won't do zina. That's actually something that's terrifying to the husbands. The Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) would describe it as the closest thing in this dunya to jahannam, for a man.

The Three Steps

In this ayah, he doesn't have evidence. Instead of having evidence, all he has is fear. So he brings up his concern:

First Step: Counsel

فعظوهن - Counsel them. Advise them. He tries to advise her. He can't accuse her of anything.

Second Step: Separate in Bed

واهجروهن في المضاجع - Leave them in the beds. When a husband doesn't sleep in the same bed, is supposed to be traumatized. It's supposed to be the worst punishment for a loving wife that the husband won't sleep in the same bed.

Third Step: The Physical Response

واضربوهن - And hit them. Why did he hit her? Because it got out of hand to the point where he couldn't take it anymore. He completely lost it and he ended up hitting her.

Allah's Permission and Limits

By the way, in the United States, when a boyfriend catches his girl cheating, what happens? They kill them. They call them crimes of passion. This urge of a man to protect his woman or to not be able to stand infidelity is so powerful that it can drive a person to murder.

Allah (عَزَّ وَجَلَّ) doesn't give him the license to kill or to injure or to murder. But He says, if it got out of hand and you lost control, I'm gonna let you get away with that one. Allah is speaking to the fitrah of the human being.

(Quran 67:14).

The Condition for Reconciliation

فإن أطعنكم فلا تبغوا عليهن سبيلا - If they start obeying you, then don't make a case against them.

Don't pursue a case against them. If they start obeying you, recover your trust. Because you don't have explicit evidence, you can still restore this relationship.

Allah's Reminder of His Supremacy

إن الله كان عليا كبيرا - No doubt, Allah has always been the ultimately high and the ultimately great.

When a man is about to hit a woman, he thinks he's in a higher position. And Allah reminds him by the end of the ayah, He is the ultimately high. Know your place. You're still a slave.

The Prophet's General Rule

Then come back to the policy of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ): لا تضربوا إماء الله - Don't hit the female slaves of Allah. Now you understand that that policy is the general rule. And then Quran will give you the extreme circumstance of the exception.

When Intervention Is Needed

The next step after this. If things got physical, that means it's gone too far. Now there's no hope left.

Quran 4:35 - If you really feel that kind of schism happening between the two of them, then you should appoint a decision maker from his family, and a decision maker from her family.

- If they have any intention to make things work out, then Allah will make union between them.

When the Husband Has Nushuz

Now, four steps for the wife having nushuz. But what if the husband has nushuz? The nushuz of the husband and the nushuz of the wife are two different things. A wife is not afraid of the same thing that the husband is afraid of. The thing to fear in a husband is actually much worse. He's actually capable of physical abuse and psychological abuse.

Allah says:

(Quran 4:128) - If a woman is afraid of nushuz from her husband, immediately get outside help.

With the woman, how many steps were there? Four. With the man? Get help immediately. Why? Because it can become a life and death situation in the blink of an eye.

Modern Understanding and Community Responsibility

You know in America, Canada, England, etc., they have abuse helplines. If you're being abused by your boyfriend or your husband, you can call this helpline. Now you know this is a reality because the woman who's being abused feels like she has nobody to talk to.

What is Allah saying? Actually making the community responsible. You have to come and intervene right away. This is the sharia of Allah. This is the law of Allah.

Scholarly Consultation