navaid-aziz-domestic-violence-and-islam
By Navaid Aziz | 2026-01-16T17:09:14.733622+00:00 | Topic: Iman
Domestic Violence and Islam
Navaid Aziz
Opening
(الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ وَصَلَّى اللهُ وَسَلَّمَ وَبَارَكَ عَلَى نَبِيِّنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ أَجْمَعِينَ أَمَّا بَعْدُ - alḥamdu lillāhi rabbi al-ʿālamīna wa ṣallā allāhu wa sallama wa bāraka ʿalā nabiyyinā muḥammadin wa ʿalā ālihi wa ṣaḥbihi ajmaʿīna ammā baʿdu)
(السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللَّهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ - assalāmu ʿalaykum wa raḥmatu-llāhi wa barakātuh)
The Story of Al-Waleed ibn Uqba's Wife
The wife of al-Waleed ibn Uqba she comes running to the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) And she says oh messenger of Allah al-Waleed does not stop beating me. The messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) says tell him that you are under the protection of the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam). Some time goes by and she comes back once again. She says Oh messenger of Allah. He continues to beat me. What can I do to stop this situation?
The messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) takes a piece of his shirt rips it to a Stripe and he says take this and tell him that this is from the messenger of Allah To show that you are under the protection of the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) and that he should not do this again. She comes a third time to the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) and she says Oh messenger of Allah He continues to beat me.
What can I do and the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) got very angry at that time And he raises his hands and he says Oh Allah Curse this man for he does not cease to disobey the messenger of Allah and the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) Continued to pray against him.
My dear brothers and sisters you can see from this very example That domestic violence is something not is not something new to our ummah or to our community. It is something that has existed during the time of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) And in fact has preceded it as well. But what needs to be addressed my dear brothers and sisters is the justification of domestic violence in the name of Islam.
The Objective of This Talk
So the objective of today's talk is threefold:
1. Number one is how to deal with those verses and those ahadith that seem to be misunderstood
2. Number two is to address a topic that is often neglected and not spoken about enough
3. Number three is To demystify this concept that domestic violence can be justified in the name of Islam
A Holistic Approach to Understanding Islam
So the first thing I want to address is how to deal with problematic quote-unquote Problematic verses and ahadith and that is why as believers is very important to develop an approach that is holistic. And this is what I
like to call my general approach to Islam. So where this stems off from is you all believe in a God that is merciful loving all-knowing Just and wise every believer will believe this about Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā)
Now what this necessitates is the revelation that this God sends will have the same characteristics That it is merciful. It is wise. It is all-knowing it is just. Then the one that receives this revelation meaning the Prophet of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) will also have these characteristics Because one does not who does not have these characteristics cannot carry such a revelation nor be a representative of that God so we believe that Muhammad (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) what he came with in terms of legislation was merciful all-knowing kind and just.
Then based upon that as well the companions that the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) Surrounded himself with as a whole and not in specific Must have carried these characteristics as well in those things that they agreed upon in those things that they agreed upon.
Now why is it important to have this? Guideline or this system of belief because not every Muslim will have the tools to address every Hadith or every ayah of the Quran. So what is your shield to protect yourself from doubts? It is this very system that I believe in a God that is all-knowing and wise and just and merciful and compassionate Therefore he would not allow anything that is against those values to take place.
Now with that said how does this impact you on a practical level? I want you to think about Imagine someone came to you and said I saw your mother robbing the bank and you'd be like what robbing the bank No way. I know my mom. She would never do that It would be something completely Blasphemous to you because of how well you know your mother and how she is not capable of doing that.
Now similarly when attacks come towards our faith that needs to be our general response And what I call this response is the act of submission that once you've submitted to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) You know that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) will not allow something to take place that would tarnish this faith as a whole or would tarnish Muhammad (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) or the Quran as a whole it just is not possible There has to be a misunderstanding and therefore clarification is required.
How to Deal with Specific Incidents
Which now relates me to my second point that how do you deal with? specific incidents of the Quran or specific incidents of the Hadith and seerah of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) and This is where certain steps are required as well:
1. The first thing you need to do is making sure that whatever you're looking at is actually authentic We live in a day and age where it's very easy to spread information and unfortunately the vast majority of information is not verified So there has to be a verification process of authentication Particularly when we talk about a Hadith particularly when we talk about history Particularly when we talk about statements and actions of the companions and of our predecessors They have to be verified
2. Number two after it's been verified. Is it relevant to our discussion? - Is it something that we're actually looking at or is this something outside the scope of our discussion?
3. Number three is that is this the general rule does this incident does this statement does this action? - represent the general rule in Islam or is this the Exception to the rule because to every rule there will be an exception a Person can come and say that the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said that if you do not find water while you are Away in the desert then you can perform tayammum. Oh, does that mean you take that as a general rule? Not at all That means that if you're in a similar circumstance or you are in that circumstance then that is when you implement that rule But outside of that the normative case is that you have to perform wudu.
4. So after you've seen that what the general case scenario is and what the exceptions to the rules are then you go to step number four - Which is what does scholarly traditions say about this incident the responsibility of scholars in Islam is to convey the correct? understandings of the words of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) the actions of the Prophet Muhammad (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam)
5. And after that the fifth and last step when addressing a topic that is very sensitive - And Something that may be contentious is look at is there room for changing of a ruling due to a changing in Circumstance or what we will call (تَغَيُّرُ الْفَتْوَى بِتَغَيُّرِ الزَّمَانِ - taghayyuru al-fatwā bi-taghayyuri az-zamān) - The changing of a ruling due to a church a changing in circumstance. So similarly like the incident that I mentioned of wudu and tayammum Circumstances change therefore rulings change as well So as time goes on as rules in society change as society progresses Is there going to be a stagnancy in Islamic law or is the Sharia actually? Dynamic and changes from place to place in time to time and without a shadow of a doubt It is the latter the Sharia is very dynamic and does accommodate to all situations and all times And that is why those claims that Islam is in need of reformation are Preposterous because when something is dynamic and can can accommodate to all of these situations and scenarios It's not in need of reform It's in need of a better understanding any clearer understanding and that is what the scholars of Islam are responsible for doing.
The Foundation of Marital Relationships
This leads us into our discussion that when you look at the foundation of a marital relationship What is is what is it meant to revolve around and this is where I want to break it down to three simple things Number one the ayah of the Quran that all of us are familiar with and perhaps this summer you may have heard it several times Where Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) he says in surah al-rom:
(سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) is that he has created from your own selves spouses and with those spouses you're meant to live a life of Serenity and tranquility and he has placed amongst you love and mercy so here Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) talks about you finding serenity and tranquility with their spouses and the foundational emotions in that relationship are ones of love and mercy so that is the normative case that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) wants us to achieve and Continue to strive for even in times of dispute and even in times when things are not good.
Number two the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) giving guidelines in terms of how to interact with our Spouses so the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) saying:
(رِفْقًا بِالْقَوَارِيرِ - rifqan bil-qawārīr)
that be very gentle Be very gentle with these fragile vessels that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) has given you in the khutbatul wida and hajj the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) telling us that women are a trust from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) and that we need to fulfill our trust By taking care of them the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) saying:
(خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ - khayrukum khayrukum li ahlih)
That the best of you are those that are best to their families so these are general guidelines that the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) has given us in terms of interacting with our spouses and reminding us that the best of us are those that are best to our spouses and that our spouses are a trust from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) and then number three the Prohibition of harming and letting harm being done to us and in fact this is what we call al-qaeda al-fiqhiyah al-kulliyah that this is a principle fiqh that is universal that:
(لَا ضَرَرَ وَلَا ضِرَارَ - lā ḍarara wa lā ḍirār)
That we do not harm others Nor do we allow others to harm us as a universal principle in Islam in all phases of our lives But particularly in those phases that are based upon love mercy and compassion like marriage.
Prophetic Prohibitions Against Hitting Women
So now we've seen what the ideal case scenario is we've seen what the general circumstance is now let us look at something else Let us look at those a hadith where the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) Specifically mentions not to hit women not to strike women so the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) says do not Strike the female servants of God do not hit them nor should you revile them and none hits women Except the worst of you none hits women except the worst of you.
These are just three examples found in the Sunan of Abi Daud and al-jami al-sagheer of Imam al-Suyuti These are just some examples and you find many many more examples than this But you see specific Prohibition from the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) that women should not be hit a man should not be hitting his wife And the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) making it very very specific that no one Strikes women except the worst of you except the worst of you So this is the general basis that we will base our discussion on the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) Showing us that the normative case is love and mercy, and then we see the prohibition of Hitting women.
The Context of Umar's Request
But are there any a hadith that actually talk about? Companions hitting women are there any a hadith that talk about the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) even giving a concession That women can be hit and the answer is yes And this is why I believe people are truly empowered by knowing tradition You cannot hide Islamic tradition under the carpet and think you know what we're doing Islam a favor by hiding What our books of fiqh what our books
of hadith actually say True empowerment of Muslims has to be in knowing the Quran and the Sunnah and knowing the context that those incidents happened in.
So in the Sunan Abi Dawood again There is a chapter called the chapter of hitting women and this chapter has three statements in it One is a statement of a companion where he says and this is the first thing in the chapter Where he says that if you fear rebellion from your wife then abandon her bed meaning Do not stay in the same bed with her But rather part ways from her Meaning that Imam Abu Dawood Rahim Allah is showing that the normative case is that a woman should not to be hit number two He's showing us that you should try to resolve your issues without hitting them Resolve your issues without hitting them going back to the Quranic verse that we will be talking about later on.
The second hadith in this chapter is the hadith of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) that I mentioned just a little while ago Do not strike the female slaves of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) And this shows the impermissibility of striking women in a general and generic sense.
And then this third hadith This is the hadith of Omar Ibn Al-Khattab where after the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) gave this command do not strike women Omar Ibn Al-Khattab (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ - raḍiya-llāhu ʿanhu) he comes to the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) And he says Oh messenger of Allah our women have started to rebel They've started to physically attack us and they've no longer listen to what we say So messenger of Allah give us a concession that we can defend ourselves and give us a concession to strike back For us I know who so the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) gave him that Concession.
Now after that was done the women came back to the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) and to his wives So it wasn't just to him, but now they're you know, bringing his wives into this problem as well saying that look This is what our men are doing. This is what our men are doing now Imam Abu Dawood rahimahullah He concludes this narration by saying:
أُولَئِكَ لَيْسُوا بِخِيَارِكُمْ
He called that the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said that they are not the best of you And this is the beauty of the science of hadith is that once you really study it You'll see that there are different versions of a hadith that provide different benefits So in the Imam Abu Dawood rahimahullah concludes this hadith He just presents this version that the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) is saying they are not the best amongst you.
But you will find the same hadith in the sahih of Ibn Hibban and in the sahih of Ibn Hibban the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) Prohibited them again because he saw that this was being abused He saw that the men were battering the women and this was not something he could stand for so he prohibited them once again And that was the seal of it that the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) concluded with this very point.
Ad-Darami's Chapter Heading
Now, how do we know that is actually true? Because a scholar that came after Abu Dawood by the name of Ad-Darami, a scholar of a hadith When he collects these hadith pertaining to women being beaten what chapter
heading did Ad-Darami give?
The chapter heading that Ad-Darami gives is:
(بَابُ النَّهْيِ عَنْ ضَرْبِ النِّسَاءِ - Bābu an-nahyi ‘an ḍarbi an-nisāʾ)
The prohibition of the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) in hitting Women and that was the conclusion that Ad-Darami brings as a chapter heading to show the impermissibility Of the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam).
Understanding Historical Context
Now still some people may have a hard time understanding that how could the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) Have given this concession to Umar and to the men of Medina at that time that one of the ways to resolve that conflict Was to beat their women and that is a very fair question to ask But what I ask you to believe in is go back to our foundational principles That just like you would not believe someone to tarnish the reputation of your mother:
(فَالنَّبِيُّ أَوْلَى بِالْمُؤْمِنِينَ - Fa-an-nabīyyu awlā bil-muʾminīn)
That the messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) is more worthy of a defense than our own mothers So what do we need to understand in that context? What we need to understand is what was taking place in history at that time And history will dictate what was considered moral and ethical versus that which was not.
And that is why it is so important to understand that So there was something very consequential that took place in the 18th century and that was the industrial revolution What the industrial revolution did my dear brothers and sisters it changed the role of men and women altogether This concept of gender roles was redefined in the industrial revolution Where prior to this women are not proactive in seeking education to now they are proactive in seeking education Where prior to this they are not, you know in the workforce where after this they are now very active in the workforce And we are living till this day in a post-industrial revolution and modernization of the world Where women are getting more education where it is becoming normalized and they are getting jobs that are equal to those of men.
Now, why is it important to understand that? Why the reason why it's important to understand that is because prior to the pre-industrial revolution or prior to the industrial revolution rather The de facto ruling was that the man was the head of the household And there was this concept of collectivism that there was a hierarchy that needed to be obeyed And the man was the de facto ruler of the household But post-industrial revolution we now have individualism where each individual is responsible for their own selves And there's no longer this hierarchy that takes place.
Pre-Industrial Revolution Attitudes
And this is why my brothers and sisters when you look at this concept alone You'll understand this concept of how rulings in islam will change from place to place and time to time This is such a significant portion of our history that will impact our fiqh and will impact our relationships and will impact Our understanding of islam
and gender roles within the framework of islam So now what is the de facto ruling pre-industrial revolution? That it is absolutely normal to strike women.
What am I going to base this upon? In fact, this quote that i'm bringing you is perhaps one of the most horrendous quotes you will ever come across Not to show that this is what every man believed But this is to show you that it was absolutely normal for men to believe this and to preach this And no one even batted an eyelash So I present to you what Cherubino de Siena says in instructing men in dealing with crude and shifty wives:
He says and I quote, but if your wife is of a servile disposition And has a crude and shifty spirit so that pleasant words have no effect Scold her sharply, bully her, terrify her And if this still does not work take up a stick and beat her soundly for it is Better to punish the body and correct the soul than to damage the soul and spare the body And this is what the he is telling men to do and no one batted an eyelash twice.
So this is to show that this was the norm to a certain degree just not as vocal How many of are familiar with Sean Connery? Sean Connery, he was James Bond He was also in the movie called The Rock can't think of what else he was in But those are the ones that I remember at least Not too long ago. He did an interview but not too long.
I mean like about 15 years ago, not even He did an interview and he's talking about it is warranted to strike a woman If she deserves it if she merits it then it is normal to strike her and again, this is live on tv I can't remember which news station it was on abc or nbc or one of these stations where it's a live interview And he's saying this and no one reprimanded him No one said anything but 20 years down the line when we look at it and we think how horrendous that is How could someone say this live on air and no there's no repercussions of those statements?
Well, that was just 20 years ago. How about hundreds of years ago? How about a thousand years ago? How about 1400 years ago? Now I only have 10 minutes left to go What I want to dive straight into is the main ayah that islamophobes will use to justify Domestic violence in the name of islam and those men that are so coward that they can't control their anger That they justified in the name of islam.
The Ayah of An-Nisa 34
And that is ayah number 34 in surah nisa So surah number four ayah number 34 where allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) He says:
Men are the caretakers of women as men have been provisioned by allah And tasked with supporting them financially and righteous women are devoutly obedient when alone Protective of what allah has entrusted them with and if you sense ill conduct from your women Advise them first and if they persist do not share their beds
But if they still persist then discipline them gently But if they change their ways do not be unjust towards them. Surely allah is the most high and the all great.
What do we need to understand from this ayah four points? Number one the messenger of allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) being told to recite That men are the caretakers of women meaning the man's responsibility Is to protect his wife is to take care of his wife And this is what the ayah starts off with that in terms of financial care in terms of physical care In terms of any harm that can reach her in terms of even spiritual care The man is responsible for that and that is the very first thing that allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) mentions in this ayah.
Then allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) goes on to say That if it reaches a level of nushuz and this is such an important term to understand What exactly is a nushuz? The scholars have defined a nushuz as the highest level of rebellion and the closest example that they give to it Is on the verge of adultery If she has reached that level where she's on the verge of adultery or has committed adultery Then this is what they define as the highest level of rebellion.
And this is what a nushuz is Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) says then here are the recommendations for you to follow I emphasize the recommendations for you to follow:
1. Give them admonition give them advice remind them of the statements of allah Remind them of the statements of the messenger of allah. Remind them of jannah warn them against jahannam. That is the very first step
2. Number two Is the term of hajar make hajar of them that leave their beds. What exactly does that mean? They're being told that show them a cold shoulder that even though you may be in the same room Do not acknowledge their presence and this is in the level of nushuz keep that in mind This is exactly what is happening Then in that state abandon their beds show them the cold shoulder and this will have a psychological ramification That even when a woman tries to appeal and to put on her charm a man shows her a cold shoulder This has a psychological ramification and that is what this part of the ayah is saying
3. And then we get to the third part of the ayah and this is where the contention is Well Literally you would translate it as Strike them and that is what a lot of the translations have done But how do we understand this? Traditionally the scholars of the past when they commented on this verse They mentioned four things that it should be a strike that is not on the face It should be a strike that does not damage meaning does not leave any marks does not break any bones It is a strike that is symbolic In gesture and by symbolic in gesture they say with a miswak or with a folded handkerchief. Now these three concepts are what the vast majority of traditional scholars have mentioned in terms of strike.
Alternative Understanding from Ibn Abbas's Student
But is there another understanding? And the answer is yes, definitely. There is another understanding. Where do we find this understanding? Is it a modern day understanding? No, this is from the student of Ibn Abbas He says that this ayah or this portion of the ayah is That a man should not hit a woman but rather should show his anger to her He should not hit a woman but rather should show his anger to her.
This is what the student of Ibn Abbas says This is the same Ata that quoted from Ibn Abbas that a woman should be symbolically hit with a miswak Meaning that Ata ibn Abi Rabah, he understood That this gesture was not meant to be a real gesture of striking But the objective behind that is the man shows his anger towards the woman for what she is doing And therefore she is not to be hit or to be struck.
Now, why do I mention this? It is very important for this to be understood Because we live in a day and age where Islam is constantly being attacked Yet we have to be true to our faith. We have to be true to our tradition So does that mean that we bend over backwards to appease people? No Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) he tells us in the Quran that the people will never be happy with us until we follow their way That even if we were to follow their way, they still wouldn't be happy with us.
So true happiness and true contentness and true satisfaction Will come in obeying Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) and the messenger of Allah Umar Ibn Al-Khattab (رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ - raḍiya Allāhu ʿanhu) he put it so beautifully That we are a people that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) gave honor, might, dignity and respect Through our submission to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) And when we seek that honor, might and dignity and respect through other than submitting to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) that is when Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى - subḥānahu wa taʿālā) humiliates us.
So what we as Muslims need to do as a part of this discussion is not to be apologetic for our faith But to dig deeper into our tradition and see what our tradition actually says And the flexibility of our faith and the accommodation of the sharia to circumstance and to place And this is how Muslims can stay true to their faith and to their tradition as well as answer their critiques and criticisms That people will come up with against our faith.
Conclusions and Practical Advice
So now what do I want to conclude with?
Number one - In issues of domestic violence a normal recourse is to go to your local imam I am here to tell you your local imam more than likely is not qualified to deal with these issues Because when you will go to him with these issues He will advise you with one of two things on the most part and i'm being very general here He will either say sister be patient Or he will say sister. What did you do wrong in order for him to do this to you? Whereas when you look at the example of the prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) and al-walid ibn uqba that he started at the talk Of with the messenger of allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) did not tell her to be patient Nor did he ask her what did you do to cause him to get angry?
So what is the solution over here? The solution here is number one Don't go to your imam for these sort of issues unless you know that he's qualified Go to a qualified therapist a qualified counselor a qualified psychologist to address these issues Number two if you want to get your imam involved and you think he's a great guy and i'm sure that he is Then my brothers and sisters invest in your imams Get them the certifications that they need get them the training that they need so that they can address the challenges that you face And do not give you ad hoc advice that is not beneficial to you and will be further burdensome to them on the day of judgment.
Number two - Is that we cannot justify domestic violence in the name of islam? As you've seen today the prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) gave many prohibitions Against the hitting of women and the ayah that is found in the quran is in its sense contingent to social norms and social understandings.
And while the tradition has said one thing that tradition is when the muslims are a majority that tradition is pre-industrial revolution That tradition is at a time when gender roles are of such a state That the man is the de facto ruler of the household and he is in in charge of disciplining his wife and his children Imam al-qurtubi rahim allah when he talks about al-qawwamuna alan nisa He says that this is due to the fact that the man is the sole breadwinner in the house And therefore he is the leader of the household and in charge of disciplining people So what we understand from that is that if the man is not the sole breadwinner in the house Then this takes him away from one of the conditions of qawwama This takes him away from fulfilling one of those conditions and therefore he's not the de facto person To discipline the wife and children anymore and that becomes a household discussion between the husband and the wife Particularly now that wives are earning as well.
And the third and last point and this conclusion is not for this third point is not from myself It's actually from a paper that I want to reference at the very end of this talk when I talk about further reading And for me, it was so beautifully phrased. I could not think of a better conclusion And that is why i'm just going to read it verbatim:
"To presume that western liberalism represents the standard of moral progress to which all other societies must conform is nothing short of a cultural imperialism That ignores and marginalizes the experience of women of other cultures and calls upon them to erase their identities And embrace the superior values of european north american women equating progress with westernization and calling for a departure from religious tradition Actually undermines the efforts of those women for whom religious identity is a source of empowerment and their greatest tool in rectifying gender oppression and Misogyny."
That is a quote that needs to resettle in our minds time and time again that if we keep thinking that everything that the west and liberalism provides to us Is definitely much better than islam This is a very big problem Because we need to be critical in addressing these very issues of morality and ethics Because legislation from allah the quran the sunnah came to address those very topics And to completely do away with the quran and the sunnah the statements of allah and his messenger (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) and think that everything that the west provides for us is automatically superior Then this is going to be very detrimental to our faith and we will no longer be able to say that we are principled human beings Because what the west considers good at one time give it a bit of time later and it is no longer good And what the bad the west considers bad at one time give it a little bit of time And it will consider it good in a little bit of time because there's no consistency.
There is no principles Whereas as muslims we're required to be principles of people accommodating the challenges of our time Now, where can you do further reading on these issues?
Further Reading
I just want to share three articles with you that you can all read:
1. Number one is five myths pertaining to muslim women in islamic law published by yaqeen institute
2. Number two islamic views on domestic violence by dalia majahid and sheikh umar sulaiman Also published by yaqeen institute
3. The third is called the end of hitting women by sheikh abdullah hassan published by muslim matters
My dear brothers and sisters. I had about about 30 minutes to present a topic that requires a whole workshop I will admit at the very end of this that I did not do justice to this topic But it is a topic that needs to be addressed
So that we no longer address, you know cease to address these taboo topics in our subject and we create awareness of them and that we don't shame people and Blame people for being in these situations But rather we find it in ourselves to empower them to help them get out and to educate people muslims and non-muslims That we cannot justify domestic violence in the name of islam and anyone that tries to do so their errors should be proven.
Our faith is perfect. We believe it We just need to dig deeper in our tradition to prove it And I believe that today was a first step in doing that to be.