Muslim Family Values in a Secular Society

By Navaid Aziz | 2026-01-16T17:25:09.079505+00:00 | Topic: Iman

Muslim Family Values in a Secular Society

Muslim Family Values in a Secular Society

By Shaykh Navaid Aziz

Introduction

Sheikh Naveed Aziz is one of the latest additions to Al-Maghrib's instructor line-up, as well as one of their youngest. From Montreal, Quebec, he obtained a degree in economics and social science. Thereafter, he went to the Islamic University of Medina, where he spent three years attaining an associate's degree in Arabic, before attaining his bachelor's degree in Sharia. Sheikh Naveed serves the community as a marriage and youth counsellor. His most recent project is called My Spiritual Fix, and can be found at www.myspiritualfix.com.

A Culture Shock Experience

I want to share a culture shock with you that I experienced. From 2001 to 2008, I was in the beloved and beautiful city of the Prophet. Having spent seven years of my life there, when I came back to Montreal, things had drastically changed. One of those drastic changes was that I had gone to Medina, a single man, and I came back to Montreal. I was married and I had a beautiful baby girl at that time.

Now when I came back, one of the things that was on my mind was how will I educate my daughter. Now one of the activities that I thought of, you know, one of the things I would like her to have instilled in her is love for books. That is a passion that I personally have. So from a very young age, even though she was unable to read, I got her books that she would flick through. And one of the activities we used to do was actually go to a bookstore and join other kids in reading.

Now I had the shock of my life when we once went to a bookstore, and I randomly just let her look through the books, and she comes up to me and she says, Baba, this is the book that I want. Now before I tell you what that book was, how many people remember My Little Pony? Does anyone remember My Little Pony, you know, that doll for girls that they have? So you know what I'm talking about.

So this book had a picture of that pony, and the title of the book was The Prince and the Prince. And I had the shock of my life, because I flicked through the book, and the concept behind this book was that there was a prince who sought out happiness, and he went from princess to princess, but he was unable to find it. Then one day, he came across a prince, and then all of a sudden he found his happiness in life.

And I thought to myself, are they really instilling this into five-year-old kids? And at that point, I actually thanked Allah that my daughter was unable to read, because if she read that book, you know, I would have some serious issues to deal with at home.

The Control of Narrative

The point I want to raise is that the people who control the narrative of a society will also control its level of morality. Now when you look at religious narrative, you will see that there are certain reoccurring themes.

Every religion, as different as it may be in terms of its creed and in terms of its theology, it promotes:

These things are consistent pretty much in every single faith.

Now when it comes to secularism, however, when it comes to secularism, you will see there's a problem, that it doesn't have a constant narrative, that the narrative in secularism is something that develops itself through individual experience, through individual experience, and it changes from time to time. Now with that being the case, what people found correct today and amiable today, ten years ago was not the case, because it is something that developed, whereas when it comes to the religious narrative, it is something that stays constant from the beginning of its foundation all the way till the day of judgment.

Religious Narrative vs. Secular Values

1. God and Accountability

Religious narrative: There's a very heavy emphasis on God, a creator, and accountability.

Secularism: There is no concept of God, there is no concept of creator, and you are pretty much accountable to yourself alone and the authority in your society, and pretty much even the authority in your society a lot of the times will not hold you accountable.

Even on my way here today, I was in a hurry, and I didn't have my seatbelt on, you know something we teach our kids, put your seatbelt on whenever you get into the car, and I drove by some cops and I'm like, (لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا ٱللَّٰهُ - la ilaha illallah), if this guy sees me I'm getting pulled over and I'm going to be late for my talk. I drove by the police officer, I waved at him, and he didn't even do anything, I was like (اللَّهُ أَكْبَرُ - allahu akbar), you know, I was meant to be here on time.

2. Nature of Man

Religious narrative: Man is a spiritual being who is having a human experience. In religious narrative, man is a spiritual being having a human experience, we are meant to seek out that relationship with God, the relationship with our Creator, a relationship that we so heavily depend upon.

Secularism: When you look at the role of man in secularism, he is an evolved animal. So you will see that this plays a big difference, that as human beings from a religious narrative, mankind is told that you evolved, and you will continue to evolve, and therefore you have no purpose, except for the purpose that you decide to choose for yourself.

3. Standards of Life

Religious narrative: We are told from the very get-go what is moral and what is immoral, what is good and what is bad. And what takes it even a step further is that this narrative is enforced, that as Muslims we have this concept known as hisbah, known as enjoining the good and forbidding the evil.

Secularism: There are no absolute standards of life, but rather the standards of life will change according to what you want to do. And what becomes even more perverse is that when it becomes so individualistic, people no longer have the right to tell you to do this and not to do that.

4. The Role of Family

Secularism: The nuclear family in secularism is that of social evolution and is just a number of possible forms of social organization, meaning that if you happen to have a family, this is just considered social evolution. We are just progressing and this is just one of the ways that we can come together to form smaller groups. So it doesn't necessarily mean that it has to be a man and a woman, it could be a man and a man, a woman and a woman, and pretty sure, you know, as disgusting as it may sound, you may even see animals and human beings, you know, we seek protection from Allah in that.

Religious narrative: It has always been that a man and a woman are a foundation of the society. They develop a human family, they raise children with ethical standards, and that is how society continues. And you'll see there's a very heavy emphasis on this.

The Consequences of Single-Parent Families

Now this brings us directly into our subject today, because this is where the major issues and conflict arise, that when it comes to procreation and marital conflict, this is where the major conflict takes place between religion and secular values. When it comes to human development, you will see that the leading cause of depression amongst children is divorce amongst their parents.

Statistics on Single-Parent Families:

Now you will see that when it comes to religion, a lot of the times we may not understand why does God command us to do this, why does God recommend this for us. But you eventually come to the conclusion that anything that God recommends and anything that God commands, there is usually a benefit in it for you yourself as an individual. God does not legislate anything except that there is a maslaha, that there is a benefit for your world, this one, and the hereafter.

Islamic Family Values

1. Man's Financial Responsibility

Number one is that in a Muslim family, the man is responsible, he will be held accountable in the sight of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ - subhanahu wa ta'ala) for providing for his wife and children, their food, their clothing, and their shelter. In secularism that is not the case.

2. Woman's Financial Independence

Number two, if a woman were to earn any money in Islam, it is impermissible for the man to take any of that money without her consent. Now if a woman decides to share her wealth, inshallah it's a very good thing, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ - subhanahu wa ta'ala) will reward her. However, it is the man's responsibility to provide for the woman and for his family.

3. Treatment of Spouses

Number three, in Islam and in religion in general, we are commanded to treat the spouses with courtesy, love, and mercy. The term that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ - subhanahu wa ta'ala) uses in the Qur'an is (رِفْقًا بِٱلْقَوَارِيرِ - rifqan bil qawarir), that have gentleness and mercy towards the opposite gender. Likewise, if you look at how Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ - subhanahu wa ta'ala) describes the relationship between a man and a woman, a husband and wife, that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ - subhanahu wa ta'ala) created affection and compassion amongst the two.

4. The Prophetic Example

And lastly, look at the prophetic example. There's one particular example that I love sharing with the audience, and that is a conversation that took place between the Prophet and Ummul Mu'minin Aisha (رَضِيَ ٱللَّٰهُ عَنْهَا - radiallahu anha).

That one day he comes to Aisha (رَضِيَ ٱللَّٰهُ عَنْهَا - radiallahu anha), and he says, Ya Aisha, a nickname that he had for her, he says, I know when you are upset with me, and I know when you're pleased with me. Now the number one complaint that most women have against their husband is my husband never pays attention to anything that I say. But you look at the example of the Prophet that is coming up, not only does he pay attention to the message that is being conveyed to him, but he's also paying attention to the wording behind it as well.

So Aisha (رَضِيَ ٱللَّٰهُ عَنْهَا - radiallahu anha), very inquisitive, she asked, Ya Rasulullah, how am I with you when I am upset? And how am I with you when I'm content? The Prophet goes on to say, Oh Aisha, when you are upset with me, you say by the Lord of Ibrahim such and such will happen, and by the Lord of Ibrahim you shall do such and such. And when you are pleased with me, you say by the Lord of Muhammad such and such will happen, and by the Lord of Muhammad you shall do such and such.

Now you may think that Aisha (رَضِيَ ٱللَّٰهُ عَنْهَا - radiallahu anha) has put in the predicament, because if you look at the women in the past, they were known to be very intelligent, very clever, and it's a reoccurring theme, women always have the final word in every conversation. If a man ever thinks he has the final word, it's just a new conversation that has begun.

So now getting back to this conversation, Aisha (رَضِيَ ٱللَّٰهُ عَنْهَا - radiallahu anha), she was going to have the final word. And she says something so profound, so beautiful, it's that instances like this, I really feel that we really need to encourage our children to go back and read the Qur'an, go back and read the seerah of the Prophet, because when you look for true love, you don't need to look at the Romeo and Juliet, and the Layla and Majnun, and every other story. They always end with one party committing suicide and being separated. But you look at the example of Aisha (رَضِيَ ٱللَّٰهُ عَنْهَا - radiallahu anha) and the Prophet, she goes on to conclude, she says Ya Rasulullah, even though the name may change on my tongue, my love for you always stays in my heart. And you look at that, and this is what true love is actually about.

Raising Righteous Children

Now in conclusion, there is a term that Imam Zaid mentioned in this, and I showed this to brother Tariq. The schizophrenic persona that is created not only amongst Muslims, but amongst the youth in general in our times. That schizophrenic persona consists of the following.

That we tell our children when you grow up, you have to be successful, you have to be able to provide for yourself, and you have to be an individual who is looked at as a role model. And we encourage them to become individuals who pursue this worldly life, predominantly from a financial pursuit. However, what we fail to instill and encourage our children to do, is that the only way you will truly be successful in this world, is if you have a good foundation of ethical and moral values.

Three Key Points for Raising Righteous Families:

1. Parents Must Be Righteous Themselves

Number one, we ourselves as parents have to become righteous individuals. Children do not become righteous by forcing them to read the Qur'an. Children do not become righteous by forcing them to madrasas and Saturday schools. Children will become righteous when they see:

So you yourself have to be a righteous individual in order for your progeny to be righteous as well.

2. Parents Must Spend Time with Children

Number two, it is imperative that parents spend time with their children. In our times where both the husband and the wife are working, often we take the easy solution. We will get a babysitter or we put our children in front of the TV hoping that they will take care of themselves. However, if you really care for your children, know that in order for them to be successful, you have to be there for them. They need to:

You may think it is insignificant, but you will see how drastic an individual and a child who has had the love of both parents is as opposed to an individual and a child who has either the love of one parent alone or of no parents at all.

3. Familiarize Yourself with Religious Narrative

And lastly, my last point of advice is familiarizing yourself with the religious narrative itself. That in order to progress, in order to advance with spirituality, with comfort, with everything else that we desire as Muslims, the very first step amongst all these other steps needs to be familiarity with the religious narrative. That how can you know what is good, what is correct, what you want to instill in your children if you are not familiar with the religious narrative itself.

And this is a call, that very word that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ - subhanahu wa ta'ala) sent down to you, the very example that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ - subhanahu wa ta'ala) sent to you through the Prophet. If you truly want to be successful in this world and the hereafter, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ - subhanahu wa ta'ala) gave you that solution. You just need to go out and reach it.

Conclusion

I pray to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ - subhanahu wa ta'ala) in concluding that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ - subhanahu wa ta'ala) rectifies our affairs as individuals and as families and as a community all together. And that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ - subhanahu wa ta'ala) grants us the best of this world and the best of the hereafter.

السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ ٱللَّٰهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

وَصَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَىٰ نَبِيِّنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَعَلَىٰ آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ وَسَلَّمَ