A Message from our Mothers to our Sisters of Today

A Message from our Mothers to our Sisters of Today

By Navaid Aziz

Opening

Allah created us so we can worship Him, that His creation always reaches only Him. Associate none as a partner with Allah, as true believers, that's a sin we can't afford. He is the only one worthy of our praise, we know all things best, Allah, Allah, Allah.

Moving on, inshallah, we have a talk to our sisters, but also something for our brothers to really take heed of, inshallah. As you know, our sisters have enormous potential to build this community, they are the backbone of this community. And our mothers of the past eras gone by, they are true inspirations for us.

My dear brothers and sisters, (السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللَّهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ - Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh)

A Humorous Introduction

So there's a couple that are about to take a journey. They've gotten into the car, and they start arguing right away. The husband's like, how could you forget our lunch? And the wife's like, you know, why are you not dressed properly to go out? So as they're arguing, they just get fed up of one another. And the ride continues like this, with that really awkward silence.

So they're driving, they're driving, they're driving. And the husband actually feels bad for reprimanding his wife. So he's like, how can I start this conversation up again and win her heart over? So they're driving, he's looking for different things to comment on. And he's like, you know, that's a nice tree. And the wife's like, shut up. So they keep driving, and then they finally, you know, drive past a farm. And you can hear the braying of a donkey, the mooing of a cow, and you know, all the sounds that the animals are making. And the husband's still angry, so he's like, let me guess, they're relatives of yours. And the wife goes, yeah, you're right, they're my in-laws.

The point of mentioning this joke, I mean it's very funny, but one thing life has taught me through experience, no matter what the situation, the woman always has the last word. And I was dreading this topic, you know, advising sisters and giving them advice. It goes in one of two ways. Either they really love the advice, and they accept it, and mashallah, they go ahead and make a change. Or you're like, on their top ten most hated list, you know, take you out like the FBI. So I hope it's the former rather than the latter.

The Story of Um Waraka رضي الله عنها

I want to start off my advice towards the sisters, with a story of a woman that lived during the time of the

Prophet. Her name was Um Waraka. Um Waraka was one of the most knowledgeable of the female companions. In fact, from my reading of the seerah, she is the only female companion that I know of, that the Prophet appointed her as an imam over the people that lived in her house. She is the only female companion that I know that had this virtue.

She was a female companion that before Salatul Fajr, before the sun is coming up, you could hear her beautiful recitation in the open fields. She was the one that during the day, you would not find her anywhere, except in the deepest corner of her house, praying to Allah جل جلاله

One day, when the Prophet told the Muslims that they'd be going out for the Battle of Badr, she went to the Prophet and she said, Ya Rasulullah, why is it that the men can attain such high ranks in paradise, through martyrdom in the way of Allah جل جلاله But the women are left behind. Please let me come with you, even if it is just to tend to the sick and to the needy.

The Prophet told her an amazing piece of advice that boggled her mind. He said, stay in your house and you will have your martyrdom. Stay in your house and you will have your martyrdom.

So Umaraka رضي الله عنها this is what she did. Any of the expeditions that happened, she stayed home, she didn't go out. And when she heard this news from the Prophet, she actually told her slaves and her servants, that after I die, you're free. You don't have to live in slavery anymore. I'm letting you go.

So now years go by, and Umaraka رضي الله عنها is still alive. The Prophet has passed away. And Umaraka is actually thinking, the people are thinking, could the Prophet ﷺ have said something that was incorrect? And they're wondering, how is Umaraka going to die as a martyr in her own house? Months go by, years go by.

We're in the Khilafah of Umar رضي الله عنه right now. The servants, they get so anxious for their freedom, they get so overwhelmed by waiting, they decide to kill Umaraka. So one night, Umaraka is laying in her bed. She's laying in her bed, and the servants come and cover her face with a pillow. And that is how Umaraka رضي الله عنها died. She passed away in her bed. And that is how she attained her martyrdom. Because being killed unjustly, is being killed as a martyr. And this is how the Prophet's word was true.

Now obviously those servants were held to account, and they were taken care of. But the point I'm mentioning over here, is the reality of life. Everyone has aspirations in life. We all have goals, and we have a way of attaining that goal. Sometimes we get so set on the way of attaining the goal, that we think that is the only way. But here the Prophet ﷺ has taught us, that an individual who aspires for paradise, Allah جل جلاله will grant it to them, even if it's in their own house. Hopefully you guys aren't killed though, inshallah.

So now with that having being said, this story of Umaraka رضي الله عنها when I read this story, I think to myself, subhanallah, how amazing is predestiny in Islam. How amazing is Qadr. Allah جل جلاله has destined every single thing for us. That even paradise we can find just by staying at home. Like Umaraka رضي الله عنها was granted. But the point I want to try to get across over here, is not how she attained paradise, but rather the aspiration itself.

The Highest Aspiration: Al-Firdaws

The highest point in paradise is known as Al-Firdaws. This is the highest and best point of paradise. Now I want you to think of an individual who made dua for paradise, and how she did it. The example that Allah جل جلاله preserved in the Qur'an for us, was Maryam, the mother of Isa. She made dua to Allah جل جلاله:

That, oh Allah, make a house for me in paradise that is close to you. And obviously that is Al-Firdaws. And this is the dua that Allah جل جلاله preserved in the Qur'an. An example not only for the women, but for the men as well.

If you were to look into the sunnah, and look into the Qur'an, you would find that there are many many examples for people. But the very fact that when we abandoned the Qur'an, we abandoned these role models as well, and thus we don't know and realize the legacies that they left behind. So I want to take a couple of glimpses from the sunnah, and a couple of glimpses from the Qur'an, and advise my sisters with themبِإِذْنِ اللَّهِ تَعَالَى

Changing Dynamics of the World

Firstly, we need to realize that the dynamics of the world are changing regularly. There was a time that if a woman stayed silent, and she stayed in her home, it would have been sufficient for her. But the dynamics of the world have changed.

Women now have responsibilities not equal to men, greater than men. Because there was a time when if a woman stayed home, took care of her children, she was considered noble in society. But now, not only does a woman have to work, not only does she have to have equal and perhaps greater pay than men, but she is still required to take care of her home as well. Because at the end of the day, we know that men can't do that. It's just a reality, that no matter how compassionate and merciful a man may be, he can never fulfill the job a woman does with her children. So the woman has double the task.

So now with the changing dynamics, I believe the advice that we give women has to change as well. It doesn't mean that we say that she starts doing things that are haram, and we change the religion of Islam. But what I'm saying is our approach to this world needs to change. It is no longer sufficient that we tell women, stay in your homes and take care of your children, and inshallah that will be enough for you. Because the dynamics of the world have changed, and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala expects us to change with the world as well, but within the bounds of the sharia. And this is where I want to start my discussion today.

The Journey of a Woman

Every woman has a set journey that she is going to go through bithillah ta'ala. She's going to start off as:

• A young daughter
• She's going to move on into a student

Challenge 2: Relationships Among Sisters

The second piece of advice I want to address towards my sisters is relationship amongst yourselves. Every community that I go to, I get the largest number of complaints from the sisters themselves. Now this is not to say that they like to complain and this is part of their nature. No, that's not what I'm trying to say. What I'm trying to say is that the sisters have some serious issues that need to be dealt with. I don't know if that's better or worse. But with that having being said, I want to share a chapter with you from Sahih al-Bukhari.

The Chapter of "Anger and Jealousy of Women"

Imam al-Bukhari rahimahullah, and this is one of the classes that I actually teach is Sahih al-Bukhari. He has a chapter heading in Sahih al-Bukhari that he called the Anger and Jealousy of Women. Now when I read this chapter heading, I'm like my head is going to be chopped off if I ever teach this class in the West.

But I went through the hadith that Imam al-Bukhari mentions and I came to the conclusion it's actually one of the most beautiful chapters in Sahih al-Bukhari. Because while the title heading looks very chauvinistic, in reality that's not what it is. But rather it is a sincere advice from the Prophet ﷺ towards our women.

The Beautiful Story of Aisha and the Prophet

And one of the very first hadith he mentions in this is the relationship that Aisha had with the Prophet ﷺ. So now remember I was talking about how a woman has the last word. I told you it's always true. The Prophet ﷺ witnessed it. And I'm going to share that instance with you right now.

So one day the Prophet ﷺ is sitting with Aisha رضي الله عنها and he summons her. He says, Ya Aish, a term of endearment come and sit close to me. That even though there's no one else in the room, he wants her close to her so he can whisper something into her ear. So he brings her close and he says, "Oh Aish, I know when you're angry with me and I know when you're happy with me."

Now Aisha she's taken back what is the Prophet ﷺ doing? Did revelation come down? Did something happen? Am I in trouble? What's going on? So she stays calm and she says, Ya Rasulallah, how do you know when I'm angry and how do you know when I'm happy? Now I want you to think what's going through her mind at this time as well.

One of the biggest complaints that women always have towards their men is that they never pay attention to them. You know men will be standing there and the wife's talking, talking, talking. And she's like, Are you even paying attention to me? I want you to notice the Prophet ﷺ over here. And this is advice to the men.

The Prophet ﷺ goes on to say, "Oh Aish, when you're angry with me, you say by the Lord of Ibrahim such and such will happen. By the Lord of Ibrahim you will do such and such. Meaning that when you take an oath, you swear by the Lord of Ibrahim. And when you're happy with me, you say by the Lord of Muhammad you will do such and such. And by the Lord of Muhammad such and such will happen."

Now Aisha radiallahu anha, she has just been displayed one of the greatest signs of affection. Showing that not only did the Prophet ﷺ pay attention to her words as the leader of the Muslim army, as the mayor of the community, as the Prophet of Islam, the busiest guy in the world. Not only is he paying attention to the meanings of her words, in fact he's picking up the very words she's using.

So now do you think Aisha radiallahu anha let him get away with this? She says, "Ya Rasulallah, while the name may change on my tongue, my love for you always remains in my heart." And that is how Imam al-Bukhari concludes that hadith.

What We Learn

Now what do we learn from this hadith? We learn from this hadith is how a woman reacts to a man. If a man is kind and tender towards her, a woman will react as such towards him. But if a man is evil and vile towards her, a woman will react just like that as well. And if you look through this chapter, you learn the following as well:

That the anger of Aisha radiallahu anha, it did not turn to obscenities. It did not turn to cursing and backbiting and slandering. But it was within the realm of permissibility. All she did was change Muhammad to Ibrahim.

And this is the advice for our sisters. That we are not telling you that you do not have the right to get angry. We're not telling you that you do not have the right to speak out. But we do advise you with keep it within the realms of permissibility.

Building Sisterhood

Because in reality, sisterhood is more important than brotherhood. Brothers, they can learn to live amongst themselves as a community and not communicate amongst themselves. But women, and this is psychologically proven, they need to socialize through their words.

In fact, if they don't socialize through their words, they actually feel incomplete. A study was done that an average man speaks 12,000 words per day. And he usually speaks, you know, 11,999 before he comes home. So when he comes home, he says, Assalamu Alaikum, and he's done for the day. He's not speaking. Whereas a woman, on the other hand, she speaks 23,000 words per day.

So dealing amongst the sisters themselves, again, feel free to speak your minds, but keep it permissible. It doesn't mean you have to curse, it doesn't mean that in order to make yourself feel better you need to put someone else down. You'll see this is a great trick that shaitan plays with the sisters, that in order to build up their own egos, they don't do it by, you know, making themselves better, but rather they do it by putting other people down.

Challenge 3: Islamic Education for Women

Another piece of advice. Islamic education for women. It's of the utmost importance. They have this proverb in the English language that if you teach a man, you teach an individual. But if you teach a woman, you've taught a whole household.

And this is a true reality, that if we look at why our children are not going up with Islamic values, it's because we didn't take the opportunity and time to educate our women. Because while the men are out at work, the women are the ones who are interacting with the children. So if the woman who does not have an Islamic education, how is she going to teach it to the children?

So sisters, it is a reality that one day you will get married, and one day inshallah, you will have children as well. You need to have something to offer them. So just while you're seeking your other degrees, while you're doing other things in life as well, just spend you know, five minutes a day. Read something Islamic.

Our children have a right over their mothers. They have the right to be taught a proper Islam. They have a right to be taught that spirituality. And if the women and the sisters are not doing it, then who will teach our children?

Now speaking about Islamic education as well, I'm sure the sisters must be fed up by now by listening to male speakers all the time. Why is it that the sisters always have to sit in the back and the men are in the front? It's because we have male speakers up on stage. But if we get female speakers who are educated in Islam and have the ability to speak, we can fill up this room easily with sisters alone. And you know that's a reality. The way the world is going, you know, a few key speakers from the male gender is not going to be enough. We need those female speakers as well bithnillah ta'ala.

So sisters, step up to the plate. Get your Islamic knowledge. Learn how to speak and educate the sisters bithnillah ta'ala.

Challenge 4: The Issue of Marriage

Now the last topic of discussion I want to talk about and advise the sisters with is the issue of marriage. I haven't been able to do statistical studies in Australia but I know definitely in England, Canada and the United States, one of the biggest challenges that sisters are facing is the issue of marriage. And what ends up happening is one of two things:

Issue #1: Finding Suitable Brothers

Issue number one is that when they look at the brothers, they find a bunch of pansies. And they say, you know, these brothers are not worthy of getting married to. Inshallah I'll wait till I find a better brother. And things go on. They wait and they wait and they wait. And that superstar brother that's supposed to stand up, he's nowhere to be found. Because he's too busy playing Xbox or you know, chatting on Facebook.

Issue #2: Education vs. Marriage

The second issue with marriage is resolving between education and marriage. There is this delusion that I can always get married later no matter how far I go in my education. But sisters, let me warn you in advance. Sisters

who pursue further education actually have less likelihood of getting married.

Now this doesn't mean that sisters do not pursue higher education. But what this means is that they find a man who is willing to support them while they get to that higher education. A woman naturally needs to get married. A man naturally needs to get married. And the more sisters delay marriage, the more difficult it will become for them to get married.

So I advise you, the sisters who are still young who have these high aspirations. Don't let your education prevent you, nor let your marriage prevent you. But rather be very diligent when selecting a man. Find a man who will be supportive and fulfill your dreams through living with that man. Because Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created us to get married. He didn't create us to be single. So do not fight that side of the issue. But the issue you should be fighting is making sure that the man that you marry is the right one for you.

So sisters, realize that marriage will not happen overnight. It is something you have to prepare for. And when you select a husband, be very diligent. Be very meticulous. Choose that husband that will be supportive of you. Choose that husband that has the same vision as you. And you can grow successful together.

The Importance of Ibadah

The last point I want to conclude with, the importance of Ibadah in the life of a woman. When women get married, they always have this dream that I will marry a man who has this beautiful recitation and we're going to wake up in the middle of the night and pray Qiyamul Layl together. And we're going to implement the hadith of the Prophet ﷺ that may Allah have mercy upon the man who sprinkles water onto his wife. And may Allah have mercy upon the woman that sprays her husband with water as well to wake up for Qiyamul Layl. We all have these utopian dreams, these idealistic dreams.

But the reality is we're not going to find these men that wake up in the middle of the night for spraying water on you. But rather if you spray water at them, they'll get angry at you and they'll just leave me alone. So Ibadah, particularly after marriage because mashallah the sisters seem to do a good job before marriage. But after marriage is just as important.

Women as Leaders from the Back

And you'll see that when we usually talk about leadership, we usually address the men with this issue. But when you actually study leadership as a science, my understanding of it is Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has made men leaders from the front and this is their challenge. And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has made women leaders from the back and this is their challenge.

That is why when you look at the hadith of the Prophet ﷺ, he said, that all of you are shepherds and all of you shall be questioned about your flocks. So the man is responsible for his house and the woman is responsible for her children and when the husband is not at home.

So what this actually means is that the man is in charge of directing the woman, literally directing her. And the woman is in charge of suggesting. The woman is in charge of implicitly directing a man. And these are the two

forms of leadership that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala expects of the men and the woman. So a woman has to be very diligent with this. That she needs to know how to read her man.

Two Tricks for Sisters

And I'll give you some ideal tips right now. If you need your man to do anything, there are two tricks that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given you. Use them wisely:

1. Through your looks
2. Through the food that you cook

And I'll be honest with you. I'll tell you a piece of advice that I gave a sister and I told her to try it out.

What happened was the couple had brought a brand new car and on the third day the sister is in the parking lot shopping, she crashes the car. She calls me up, she's like, my husband is going to kill me, what should I do? So I told her, look, your initial impulse is going to be as soon as he walks into the door, you tell him I crashed your car. That's what your impulse is saying. And she's like, yeah, you're right. I actually want to call him up right now at work and tell him. And I'm like, don't do that. That's going to be the worst thing that you do.

So I told her, when he comes home, make sure you cook three portions of his favorite food. Let him relax. Give him dinner. When he says he's done eating, give him some more. When he says he's done the second time, give him some more to the degree that he's like about to throw up. That's how much he's eaten. So now when he's done all of that, you tell him, honey, I have some bad news for you. I wrecked the car.

At that point, even if he wants to get angry and hit the table, he's so full and stuffed he can't even move. So he's like, don't worry about it. And Subhanallah, you want to know where I learned this from? I actually learned it from an Islamic book.

If you look at, why did the Prophet ﷺ tell us not to overeat? It's because it kills the heart. It kills the emotions. We're unable to feel that khushu and love in salah. That's where I actually got that tip from. Overeating, that's what it does to you. It kills your emotions. So likewise, with anger, you overfeed a person, it kills his anger as well.

So through a sister's looks, through her cooking, she can get her husband to do whatever she wants. So keep that in mind, sisters. Just because you may have a bad husband, doesn't mean that he has to stay bad the rest of his life. But rather, use these two tools. Use that leadership from the back approach and rectify the situation.

Conclusion

I was trying to think of a pivotal quote to end my lecture with. And that quote is, that fate rarely calls upon the people at a time of their choosing. Fate rarely calls upon the people at a time of their choosing.

In life, we keep thinking that, you know, later on, when I'm older, when I'm more successful, when I have more money, when I have more free time, that's when I'm going to make a change. But the reality is, the time for

change is now. Things may be difficult in your life. Things may not be ideal. But you leave this room with the idea of change. That it's no longer okay to stay the same.

It's no longer okay to stay apathetic. It's no longer okay to be mediocre. But now is the time to be outstanding. Now is the time to raise the likes of Aisha, and Um Waraka, and Khadija, and all of the other great leaders. In their legacy, we honor it. And sisters, it's about time you stand up to the plate.

And I pray that Allah grants you, and I, and everyone in this room that success.