Mufti Menk - Family & Community
By Mufti Menk | 2026-01-10T14:54:48.337846+00:00 | Topic: Iman
Family & Community - Mufti Menk
Opening
We always praise the maker, the one who made us, the almighty, the nourisher, the cherisher, the sustainer, the provider, the protector, the curer, the one in whose hands lies every aspect of our existence and entire existence. We send blessings and salutations upon all the messengers who had come to take us from darkness to show us the light may the almighty grant us the ability to tread upon that light, amin.
And we ask the almighty to bless his companions, his household, and every one of us here, mashallah, and our offspring and humanity at large. My beloved brothers and sisters, I cannot believe that this has become a reality. I remember brother Bashar speaking to me some time back and telling me, I'd like you to be a guest at one of our functions and I said, inshallah, it will happen, but I'm not too sure when.
And, mashallah, he followed up and we continued until the day came when I'm standing here in front of you in Melbourne, may Allah accept it from us, amin. I'm very honored to be a guest here this evening and I feel that the almighty has granted us the ability to meet. Nothing that happens, happens without the divine decision of the almighty.
Our Purpose on Earth
People might think things are coincidental, they may be for us, coincidental, but for the almighty, they're never coincidental. My brothers and sisters, primarily, we realize we were made by the almighty. We came into existence because the almighty made us. He decided that he wants to have us here. We did not decide that. None of us chose to be on earth, not one.
None of us chose to be here, for example, to be born where we were born. None of us chose the parents we have. None of us chose the children that we have in the case of those who have children. May the almighty bless those who don't have children with children, amin. My brothers and sisters, that itself already tells us that we're here on a mission. We're on earth on a mission.
Why do I say it tells us this? Because when you have an examination, your questions are never chosen by you. If they were, it's not an examination. It's always someone else who decides to test you, to examine you by asking you things out of his will, not out of yours. The examiner is not you. If you were to examine yourself, that's not an examination. The almighty chose, I'm going to create you. I'm going to put you in a place without your choice. I'm going to throw you into the deep end to see what you do.
The Blessing of Family
And part of the blessings of the almighty is that he did not cause us to grow like trees, but rather to have families and to be given birth to. Had it not been the fact that we were given birth to, perhaps the mercy of the mother would have never been felt. It would not be needed. But because for my existence I depend, yes, on the maker. And after that, I depend on those around me, initially to take care of me in such a way that later on, I will understand that I need to take care of others. I hope you get what I'm saying. Let me explain further.
When I was born, I came to this world. Had it not been for those around me to take care of me, I would never have survived. Impossible. I couldn't eat on my own. I needed someone. And this is why the almighty creates love automatically for a baby in the hearts of those who have even an iota of mercy.
Especially the mother whose heart is usually normally filled with absolute love to the degree that as the mother gives birth it's one of the most painful and difficult experiences near death experience in the case of the majority. But once the child is there, the blessing is so great that even though I've been told by sisters, no, no, no, we don't forget the pain. We know about the pain but we tend to ignore it, right? Because before I used to say the pain is forgotten. They used to tell me, have you given birth that you know about it? You know, mashallah. So now I decided I'm not going to say the pain is forgotten because it might not be, but even if it is not forgotten, it was worth it, right? It was worth it because you have a child, a bundle of joy, mashallah crying and subhanallah there is this love, you're so keen on letting the child suckle or letting the child feed and looking, you know, after the child it might be stressful, it is stressful.
The body has changed tremendously after nine months. Suddenly it's changed during the period of labor and immediately after that, subhanallah a lot of change sometimes results in a little bit of difficulty in terms of the mental stress, the physical stress. If you're not supported by an entire unit, it won't be so easy. And this is why a family unit is actually a blessing from the Almighty.
The Changing World and Family Values
Today the world is drifting away from the family unit and teaching us that you know what? You do it alone, you don't need your mom, you don't need your dad, you don't need your brothers and sisters, you don't need this and so on. And guess what's happening? We're becoming people who are not as content as we used to be. We are becoming people who are searching for contentment in every place and in everything besides where contentment lies.
So the Almighty has created us in a specific way. Do you know why? Like I said initially, it's because He is the one who chose the test. You have your parents, you know I get people who complain to me, my parents are very difficult. The first thing that comes to my mind is, well that's part of the test of the Almighty. What are you going to do about it? Subhanallah. And that doesn't mean that I encourage parents to be difficult because it is also a test for you.
When the Almighty has blessed you with a child, you didn't choose the exact child that you got. The Almighty blessed you with a child He felt He wanted to give you. And so don't be so difficult my beloved parents. Remember the world is changing. It's part of your test to be polite, respectful, merciful, full of beautiful guidance and at the same time realizing that as time passes, you will need to pass the baton to those children.
Passing the Baton to the Next Generation
You know I've always said this and I want to say it again. When a child is born, almost all decisions are made by the parents including the names you have, right? I have a name, I did not choose my name. Can I ask you by show of hands, who chose his or her own name at birth? Put up your hands. At birth, mashallah, you may have chosen it later on, right? But at birth no, I don't think so.
Unless your name is... That was probably the cry that you had. Doesn't sound like English, does it? May Allah forgive us. We didn't choose. Later on some people change their names for whatever reason. I know some who change their names later on. The Almighty has given parents that authority such that all issues are controlled by the parents at a certain stage.
When the child wears clothes, those clothes are purchased by the parents. The parents decide what type of clothes they want to buy, right? When the toys are bought, initially the parents decide. The child cannot even speak. You're going to buy this toy, you're going to do it this way, and the child is excited mashallah. Let the child grow a little bit older. Guess what happens? The Almighty is showing you that your test is to pass the baton.
While the child is under you, you need to inculcate in the child the goodness. If you don't, you're going to lose out because as time passes, the child is no longer going to listen to you and there will come a stage when the child will probably be disagreeing with you. Is it wrong? It's not wrong to disagree with your parents respectfully where you feel that they are wrong. Respectfully you discuss it, but it's wrong to be disrespectful.
Quranic Guidance on Parents
When the Quran speaks about parents, it emphasizes more on kindness and respect rather than obedience where the parents are wrong. If the term obedience is used in the Quran regarding parents, it's only used where the Almighty says when they're telling you to do something away from that which is correct, then don't obey them.
The term taa is only used in this verse where Allah is saying فَلا تُطِعْهُمَا don't obey an instruction that is associating partners with Allah. If your parent is asking you to do something that Allah doesn't agree with at all, you excuse yourself, but Allah says [Quran 31:15]
you will still be with them and live with them in goodness. In another place in the Quran in Surah Al-Isra where Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says [Quran 17:23]
The Almighty has declared that you will be kind to your parents. You will be kind to your parents. This kindness is not necessarily obedience.
Adapting to Modern Parenting
So getting back to my point, initially you have a say. As the child grows older, it will throw away the toys you bought for it and tell you, I don't want this. I want that. Nowadays at the age of two, I think, or maybe a little bit earlier they will fight for your phone. And trust me, they know that the phone you've just given them is a dummy. That's how sharp they are. And they know not only that the phone you've now given them which belongs to you is yes, it's true. They know that it's a genuine phone. They will know that this thing opens with your face, your eyes, your fingers and your passcode. And they will even learn the passcode as small as they are.
But they cannot speak English or any language. Isn't that the Almighty telling us, showing us, son of Adam? Can I tell you what I learned? I think that the children of today are very sophisticated compared to what we were. You know, I'm a child of yesterday. And some of us seated here might be a child of perhaps the day before that, mashallah. But it's all good, subhanallah, we're learning.
What are you learning? The children are becoming sophisticated in being children, so you need to become sophisticated in being parents. You follow what I'm saying? The methods that my parents used to raise me, many of those methods are redundant because they were raising children for a world that no longer exists. You follow what I'm saying? So therefore, if I were to employ the exact methods in every sense of the term, I would not be able to raise these children in a correct way. I need to realize that the Almighty is taking this away from me quicker and sooner.
Marriage and Family Dynamics
You know, back in the day it went beyond all the way to marriage. I'm sure in some cultures parents used to say, oh my daughter, you know you're of age, I found a very nice guy for you, inshallah you'll be getting married, and the daughter would be, yo, wow, I'm excited, you know. Subhanallah, gone are those days, that's history. The age of the dinosaur, la ilaha illallah, right? Today your child will come to you and say, dad, I met someone, la ilaha illallah, right? How do you process that information? The world has changed.
At times nowadays, our children meet people whom they would want to be spouses for themselves at workplaces, or at colleges, or elsewhere who would be better candidates for that particular post than anyone we would ever come across in our day to day lives. And yet some parents are not prepared to even consider that. Look at how backward we've become. The children are sophisticated, but we are not as sophisticated in the upbringing of those children, so we have a problem with things that are not actually a problem. You follow what I'm saying? People are saying, well I'm so scared, you know what, we're all in it together, subhanallah.
Teaching Values Through Example
At times your children nowadays will come up with ideas that are far beyond your imagination, because they are probably within the technological age such that advancement they kept up with and we did not. If you were to ask me how we know each other here, I would tell you a lot of it if not almost all of it is connected to technology, right? Subhanallah. And here we are with much love, with much subhanallah, so much of good feeling and so on.
Wallahi my brothers and sisters, it's our duty to raise these children, to become children with values, with morals, by watching us from an early age being fair, being balanced, being filled with values, morals. When you take care of the orphans and the children, when they see that you are participating in the drilling of wells and in building homes or development that's happening in the third world or wherever it is needed, when they watch you day and night, they will develop that without you even realizing.
I give you an example, those of us who pray, may the almighty make us all from those who pray regularly, if you were to pray, your children at the age of one will come and stand next to you, they will want to be next to you, they will go into sujood with you, and you couldn't even communicate with them, subhanallah. That was because you were seizing the opportunity without communicating of the god given sense of identity of this child and belonging to you to a great degree, subhanallah, by fulfilling a duty unto Allah while they were watching.
The same applies to our dress code. If mom dresses in a specific way, I'm sure the daughters want to do that at an early age. Later on, subhanallah, the environment comes in, the schools come in, everything else comes in, and things begin to change.
Educational Choices and Success
So, as you grow older, you decide for your child which school the child will go to. There comes a time when the child might say, I don't want to go to this school. I don't want to go to this school anymore. Tantrums. They will tell you, I really don't like this college, and sometimes rightly so. They might be bullying, they might be something else at the college or at the school. You might have to take them out to put them where they're comfortable with because ideally, it's not about your A's and B's, it's about success in life. And to be very honest, school plays a little role, but not the entire role when it comes to success in life.
I tell my children, I don't need you to have A's. I just need you to enjoy your time at school in good company, learn as best as you can. If you've given it your best, I'm happy. Even if you had to repeat the year twice, no problem. Some of the most successful people are not some of the most intelligent at school. If I were to ask you how many of us had only A's throughout our school life, a few, not everyone. How many of you were first in class all the time at school? Very few. But how many of you are successful business people today or good believers who actually help others and are the greatest of character and conduct within your own system?
Because the best from amongst us are those whose spouses bear witness that they are indeed the best. If I were to ask the sisters sitting here who are married, who from amongst you has the best possible spouse? You know, those who have put up their hands, mashallah, tabarakallah, arguably their husbands are sitting here, subhanallah, subhanallah, subhanallah, yeah? But in their absence if they were to bear
witness, right? Mashallah, I see one brother actually lifting his wife's hand up. Mashallah, mashallah, mashallah. It's a sign of goodness, alhamdulillah. But the idea here is, you know, ultimately we are here to make life easy for others and to serve others.
Helping Others
In that way we will be serving the almighty.
Before I translate that, every one of us has issues, we have problems, hardship. There is not a single person who doesn't have some form of hardship that they're going through. The magnitude of it differs, right? But we all have something, some stress, some little difficulty. If it's not about this, it's about that. If it's not about that, it's about a third thing.
How do you expect to be helped when you've never helped others? We're searching for solutions to our problems, but we've never looked at what the almighty says. He says, if you want to solve your problem, look for others with similar problems, help them and you will be helped. How's that? How's that? Subhanallah.
If you want to be helped, help others. The hadith I mentioned, the almighty tells us through the blessed lips of Muhammad s.a.w. that Allah almighty continues to be in the assistance of those who continue to assist others. If you're busy helping another, the almighty is busy helping you. [Sahih Muslim 2699]
The Power of Charity
But many of us don't realize that. And sometimes I remember one young man come to me four days after I delivered the talk. He told me, Sheikh, I've been helping someone else for four days and still the almighty hasn't helped me. And I'm like, gosh, you know what? You're about 20 something years old and now suddenly four days ago you changed your life a bit and you expect the almighty to just come and throw everything at you. It's a dedication. Slowly but surely the doors will begin to open.
The doors will begin to open. It's like a brother who was told that, you know, when you give a penny in charity, the almighty multiplies it a minimum of 700 fold. When you give a penny in charity, you're to donate. The almighty multiplies it 700 fold. So he gave and then he comes back and says, you know what? He hasn't yet multiplied it. It's not yet here. It's not some cryptocurrency that's suddenly going to shoot, you know. Subhanallah. It actually is the blessing within your life.
The blessing, the barakah, the contentment and over and above that on the day of judgment when you see the reward of it, it's tremendous, it's great. You will never regret it.
You know, charities have never depleted wealth. Nobody's wealth has ever disappeared because they gave a charity. If anything the almighty will make sure that if your intention was correct when you gave the charity, you will never become bankrupt. [Sahih Muslim 2588]
Do you know why? Say for example, and I'm going to tell you something very interesting. I know you may donate even after I speak. It's not that the fundraiser is over so you don't donate. No. You may donate even while I'm speaking or after I've spoken. Listen to this. If I decide these 10 orphans, I'm going to sponsor them for as long as I can. And so I'm spending, for example, for these 10 orphans, say a thousand US dollars a month. I'm just giving you an example.
What has happened here? I have given someone from what the almighty has given me, and because I've decided it's going to happen regularly the almighty has written their sustenance somewhere within mine. So I have to get it to give them, so for them the almighty has to give me. Subhanallah. You follow what I'm saying? The almighty has to give me. Why? Because other people's sustenance I've already decided within my heart I'm giving them. So the almighty will say, okay, we're going to keep on giving you. Do you know why? Because we've actually written it for them.
Family Disputes and Spending
You follow what I'm saying? And that is why I want to back myself with evidence. A man comes to the messenger, peace be upon him, complaining about his brother. You know we have in our families, we have brothers and so on. The wives come in mashallah. All of them are lovely, but you must remember each one has had a different upbringing. If brother and sister cannot see eye to eye, what do you expect when the in-laws come in and so many.
To this day no one has ever succeeded in explaining to me why the term law has to come in when you get married. No one. Why do they say in-laws? You know? Why didn't they say in-loves? You know? I thought maybe it might be an Indian accent you know, when they say they are in-law, you know? So may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant us ease. But they are known as in-laws, right? Why the law? I mean where did the law come in? Subhanallah. Why all suddenly we're becoming so legal? May Allah forgive us. Anyway, let's go back to the point.
So the brother comes and he says, oh messenger, my brother's doing nothing. I'm spending on him, I'm giving him money, I'm giving him his monthly expense and I'm actually taking care of him and now I'm tired of this and I don't know how long this is going to carry on and so on. Doesn't this happen in some of our families? I mean, you know, in the extended families, we're taking care of one of the guys and you know, he happens to be a person who's struggling with the job, struggling with something and we're just giving them.
And sometimes in some homes, the wife comes in and she says, hey, are you gonna keep on giving this guy? You know? Subhanallah. And that's where the brother has to chip in and say, hey, that's my brother, leave me alone. She might argue and say, well you know, 50% of everything you have, you know, is arguably mine. Subhanallah. So I have a 50% say. You can tell her, okay, I'm going to increase it by two and then divide it by two. Which means it's the same figure.
But my sisters, my brothers, it does happen that we tend to get irritated, even on our own sometimes. Do you know what? The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) responded to this man. Guess what he said? Powerful
Perhaps you're getting money because you're spending on him. La ilaha illa Allah. Perhaps it's because of him that your rizq is coming in. That's why I told you what I told you moments ago. You're giving the orphans. You decided I'm going to give them. Allah's gonna give you because of them. You follow my point? So don't hold back. Give. Inshallah. [Sunan at-Tirmidhi 1930]
You spend, oh son of Adam. And you know what? It will be spent upon you. You will receive indeed. May the almighty bless all of us. [Sahih al-Bukhari 5352]
Balanced Spending
That having been said, if you have the last thousand dollars in your pocket, you don't just take it and say, right, here's a thousand. Let me borrow another ten and give it because you know I'm investing here and it's gonna come. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala warns us about spending in a foolish way, even if it is a charity.
Allah tells us, you know, don't be miserly and don't even give so much that you're giving necessity that's yours. Strike a middle path. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant us goodness.
Honoring Women and Letting Go
Getting back to our children. And this is in honor of the woman. I promise you, the women have given birth to us and at times we don't acknowledge their status. When the Quran speaks about it right at the beginning of Surah An-Nisa, Allah tells us to be mindful of the wombs that gave birth to you and the deeper translation includes all women. Be mindful of your relationship, how you treat them, how you talk to them, how you address them, etc.
So as the children grow older they make decisions themselves. It becomes very difficult for us to let go. A child is married. What should happen with that child? Some of us, when we were married, we had nobody instruct us what to do and how to live. But we want to instruct our children up to the age of 30, 40, 50 sometimes. If the father's alive, he says, listen, you can't do this, you can't do that. And the guy is fearing.
And when are you going to live your life? When is your wife going to live her life? When are you going to have your own life? You need to respect, yes, your parents, but you need to understand both sides, that as much as there is respect, there is also an element of letting go of things. You need to let go of your children at a time. But you need to have given them the baton.
Many of us are scared to let go because we haven't yet given them the baton. We haven't yet shown them how to live. We haven't shown them things. We're too frightened. Perhaps they're not on their two
feet. My brothers and sisters, let's learn to take care of one another.
Family Unity and Community
Let's learn to take care of one another. If we were to look at society and community, like I said right at the beginning, the Almighty created us in a family. The family is supposed to be sacred. That is why there is a lot of emphasis given in Islam and in the Quran about the reward of resolving matters of dispute within the families. Subhanallah. To resolve matters within families, there is great importance and reward given to it.
Those who are related to you. It's not a joke. It's the Almighty's test. It's part of it. You need to resolve matters, and to resolve matters you need to be easy going. You cannot be very stubborn on your own decisions, especially for others. Stubbornness results in huge splits within family. You do your thing. You can encourage others to do their things, but you should not impose your view on the rest of the family when they are not comfortable with it or they disagree with you.
Subhanallah. Many of us say, no, you know, these people they're very bad, but who's the bad person? I've had cases where I've been called in to arbitrate, and unfortunately or fortunately after listening to both sides, I felt that the people who called me to arbitrate were actually the ones who were the problem. And then they say, but sheikh, you're supposed to be on our side. We called you, you know. And then I tell them, I am on your side, that's why I'm telling you that I think you're wrong. It's about time you corrected yourself.
It's not about being on someone's side. It's about empowering people with that which is just. It's fair. You need to change your mindset. Because like I said, technology is progressing in leaps and bounds and we're still struggling with small matters. We haven't liberated the mind to the degree that we can keep up with technology and we can keep up with the changing world. We're losing generations simply because we're so backward sometimes in our thinking. So backward, so far. May Allah grant us the ability to understand.
Community Participation
It's difficult. I know each one of us has an ideal in our minds, but that doesn't happen. How do I solve this? Try your best to maintain the family unit. Then try your best to maintain the relationship within the community to a certain extent. Take part and participate in community events. I'm so impressed about us tonight participating in this community event. It goes to show that we're still alive. We care. Mashallah.
You know when you see a fundraiser for example, people who are raising funds for some needy cause and you see communities giving even if it is a dollar, five dollars, twenty dollars to a thousand to a hundred thousand. Subhanallah, it really brings comfort to us to know that yes, they are from amongst us those who care. Mashallah.
And it doesn't mean those who may not have given don't care. They care perhaps in a different way. Or, subhanallah they may have already given or they may be planning to give. But remember, when you give,
you've actually contributed to empowering community. And when that happens, you feel like living. You feel it's worthwhile living.
E-friends vs Real Community
You know the older generation who are not used to sitting on their mobile phones with all these e- friends. You know, these are e-friends. They don't really exist. E-friends. I remember someone telling me that, you know what, I found a girl. This is a true story, right? He says, I found a girl. I said, where? He says, oh she's from a country. Let me not say the country, right? I said, oh that's interesting. So what's the plan? He says, I think I like her and I think I'm you know, I want to take it to another level.
Meaning, I want to perhaps consider getting married. I said, oh well good luck to you. You better make sure that everything's okay. No, beautiful. Everything's good. Wow, wow. Guess what? A few months later the guy comes to me and he says, I found out it's a 70 year old man living in the US. Subhanallah. Who was conning me all along that he's an 18 year old girl. I said, well how far did the relationship go? He says that's an embarrassing level. Allah forgive us. So much for your e-friends, mashallah. So much for your e- friends.
You know, the older generations, let me tell you about them. The older generations, they would love just sitting and you know, having tea with their friends and so on, calling them over in the weekend sometimes in the evenings, and they would sit and they would discuss matters. Sometimes some of these matters never really meant so much, but they enjoyed it because when one was in need the entire community came, right?
Today when you're in need, we've become such that we don't even want community because when they come perhaps they will have so much or an agenda or whatever else or they haven't even been there or they've been there in a negative way. Sometimes we don't want people to come and help because of how people have treated us and sometimes we don't want to go and help because of how we've looked at community and society in a negative way. So I'm here tonight to tell you, let's revive this.
Building Real Relationships
Let's develop a relationship with communities. You know, I'm a part of an organization that brings together a lot of people. And I remember addressing them and I said, if you want everyone to remain in this organization, don't impose on people what to do and what not to do. Suggest to them and see who wants to come up. And listen to suggestions and try and see who wants to adopt those suggestions. Because gone are the days when you have one person dictating the pace and the rest follow.
Nowadays they will question it. No, I don't want to do this. I'm not comfortable with this. If they're not comfortable, leave them out. If you're not going to leave them out, they're going to be a bad egg within that and it's going to spoil everything. So rather thank them for staying away than to come in and spoil things. And if they wanted to do something else, let it happen.
But if we're not going to be involved in communities, what's going to happen to our children? If we're not going to go out and play sport and participate, what's going to happen to our generations? If we're not going to reach out where people are in need, right now there are the fires in Sydney and I'm sure so many other things that are happening right in our midst, around us. Have we really cared for these people? Do we care for them?
Breaking Down Barriers
Sometimes we have a barrier. What's the barrier? If this person is not my race, I'm not going to help them. That's one barrier. If this person is not my religion, I'm not going to help them. That's another barrier. If this person doesn't listen to me after I help them, I'm not going to help them next time. When you give, are you giving so that you can control? If that's the case, it was not giving. It was not donating. It was just an investment for you to get back something.
Give without wanting anything besides the reward from the Almighty and the goodness that comes with it from the Almighty and the encouragement. People say, you know what, when we have a fundraising dinner in public, it's not so easy for me to put up my hand and say, I'm donating 20,000, 100,000 and I tell them, well I tell you, there is a positive side to it because you're encouraging others and you should be encouraging to say, listen, if that man could give so much, let me also give. It happened at the time of the Prophet, peace be upon him. So we give.
Humility in Giving
Together with giving, there is one quality that we definitely need to remember. Don't ignore it. What is it? Humbleness, humility, development of your character, your conduct. What's the point of giving with arrogance? No one wants that arrogance. I remember seeing with these two eyes a brother at the street light in one of the countries seeing a beggar who was begging and he threw some coins at the beggar and this beggar just left the coins and I asked him, why did you leave these coins? They're coins on the floor.
The beggar says, I don't take money that's thrown at me. If it doesn't come with respect I don't need it.
Allah says, you know what, the one who's asking you, the one who's begging the one, don't rebuke him. No, don't rebuke. Don't belittle. Don't despise. You know what, it could be the other way around. It could have been the other way around. Don't despise. If you don't want to give, go away. [Quran 93:10]
Say a little prayer. Sometimes we have people and I've been told, you know what, don't give here because this is a syndicate. Perhaps these people are a fraud. They have a large group of people, they're begging they earn more money than the wealthy in the city. And I say, my brother, if you don't want to give, don't give. What if they're genuine and you've just spoken a lot of lies. Imagine. Keep quiet perhaps don't give or call them out. Empower them.
Subhanallah. We're quick to say negative things, not positive things. When someone does good, we think bad. When someone does bad we think even worse. And this is where we're failing sometimes.
Making Communities Worthwhile
My brothers and sisters, when we have taken care of communities that we live in, we make living in those communities worthwhile. I visited a certain part of Johannesburg and I met the people who live there. A few families in a certain area. And I loved it so much because they were such loving, kind people. They all got along with each other. They were looking after each other. They were, subhanallah, to this day they support a lot of community activities amongst them.
And I said to myself, this is a community worth emulating. It makes it worthwhile. You meet people, you talk to people, you love them. Your children come out with you, take them in a nice way subhanallah. You get to meet each other at functions and so on. Children may end up getting married because you always took them to functions and to families they get to know who your kids are.
Today if you were to ask me, I don't even know the children in my own community sometimes. How are we supposed to get them married? The guy says, you know what Sheikh, you travel a lot. You meet a lot of people. Please remember I've got three daughters. What? You've got three daughters? Wow! Did you ask them that you were going to ask me to find spouses for them? I might just get you a brother and you might just say, Sheikh, what did you do?
But if you were to involve them in the community slightly perhaps, and people were to know they exist in the first place, it might have made your task a little bit easier. We don't do that. We don't want to interact. No mixing, no nothing. And sometimes we use evidence to say, you know what, community is so difficult, I don't want to mix with them. I'd rather be at home. I know. I also like it on my own.
The Prophet's Guidance on Community
But I have to push myself to get up and participate. Do you know why? Because the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him says, the one who participates in the community and bears patience regarding some of the negatives that come in their direction is better than the one who stays on his own and pulls back and doesn't bear any patience. So there will be issues. That's part of your challenge. Be the best possible person. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant us all ease.
Modern Family Dynamics
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala open our doors. Really my beloved brothers and sisters, we are at an age where brothers work and sisters work as well. It's not like a long time ago where the brothers used to work and the sisters used to stay at home. A lot of the times we have both spouses working and that adds a lot of pressure. A lot of pressure to the responsibilities that we have. We need to share these responsibilities.
We need to be people who no longer point at you should be doing this and I should be doing that. You know what? We should be doing this. We're a family. We're together. You help me and I will help you. You do whatever you can. I will do whatever I can. That's how it should be and this is how a community will progress. MashaAllah.
The Story of Musa and Community Service
When I sit and I look at the Quran, one of the stories that really really inspires me. In fact I can draw more than a hundred lessons from the story. It's something very very simple in Surat Al-Qasas. Al-Qasas is where the story of Musa Alayhi Salam, Moses may peace be on him, is mentioned in a little bit of detail. When he went to Madian and he saw these women working very hard. They had taken the sheep and they were going to the water to quench the thirst of the sheep and he went out to help them.
That's just the beginning of that story. There is a lot to learn from that. Look at how they assumed the responsibility. Look at how they worked but it was respectful. Look at how there was honor and respect amongst the people. Here comes a man, a total stranger to them, complete stranger, offering help. To whom? To those whom he doesn't even know. You follow what I'm saying? He doesn't even know them. He's offering help in a very respectful way.
Look at that community development. Here's a brother from amongst us, would you ever go to two strange women in a very respectable way with no agendas? Because I know one of the youngsters said, yes I would go if they were pretty enough. But no, you have to go no matter who they are, how old they are.
There is an example that people give of, and I've said this before, if there is a motor vehicle on the road that has a tire that is flat that requires changing, I promise you, if there is an elderly lady that's out there half bent, asking for help, only the genuine will stop, subhanallah. They will help the mother and they will thank her and make her feel so good and make sure she's safe and she's okay and exchange numbers no harm. Why? Because you want to make sure she's gotten home, you want to make sure everything is okay and what not.
That is far more rewarding than anything else because you have no agenda. But trust me, the minute there is someone who walks out of there, woohoo! The boys out there will fight to change the tire. I promise you they might even swap the whole car depending on what they have. You know I have a Lamborghini here, would you like to take it? What has happened to community? What's happened to society? I'm not saying don't help those who might be young and so gorgeous. No, you help them as well but check your heart. What are you doing it for? Subhanallah.
You're supposed to be helping community and society at large. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant us goodness. May Allah bless us.
True Unity
My time is actually up but I want to tell you, my brothers and sisters, when we talk of divine legacy, community building, when we talk of unity, unity does not come with uniformity. We mistaken it a lot of the times. We think and we believe. We cannot be united because this guy is a Hanafi, this guy is a Shafi'i, that guy belongs to a different faith, this guy might be whatever else. We can be united with our differences in faith, with our differences in race, with our differences even in ideas. Only by being tolerant and respectful of one another.
It's to respect one another. I will never think the same. You know when we see everyone walking around the Ka'bah in Tawaf. You know what I'm talking about? The circumambulation of the Ka'bah. People say, mashallah, look at how many millions of Muslims are at Hajj all united and I'm busy thinking they're not united. In their hearts they hate one another. I promise you. Look at them standing in one Saf in Salah. Wallahi their hearts are jagged. They would not even greet each other. Am I right? It's happening, right? Subhanallah, we're too embarrassed to say yes. It is happening in our midst.
To sit together is not unity. To eat together is not unity. To pray together is not unity. To do Tawaf together is not unity. To go on holiday together is not unity. You could be the most disunited people all in Mecca at the same time. You could be the most disunited people all in the Masjid at once. You could be people who hate each other all at one function at once. I promise you unity comes from the heart when you learn to love and respect each other with the differences and you learn to tolerate.
In fact, beyond tolerance is respect. That's when you will be united. My brother, you're a different nationality, a different caste, a different faith, a different whatever. You know what? There is unity here because each one of us is trying to help the other. Even if I disagree with you, I may discuss the disagreement in a respectful way but I don't need to start attacking, belittling, speaking ill about and creating extra and unnecessary divides between us. May Allah grant us true unity.
It's not impossible. It's very possible to be united, to care for one another. We can be united as citizens of this land if we care for one another. When some natural disaster happens then we tend to all unite. Why? There is a cause and we're all being affected by it. So therefore we're all here and we're all going to help each other. Nobody cares what religion you are. Nobody cares anything. Subhanallah. They just want to make sure people are safe. People are okay. There is a disaster here. Let's help. That's what unity is all about. May Allah grant us goodness and unity and may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless everyone of us.
Closing
I hope I've encouraged myself and yourselves to be active members within our families, to be a positive force within community and to reach out broader beyond the communities inshallah to humanity at large. May Allah bless you all.