Khutbah by Mufti Menk (2018)

Why the allergies? Allah wants to see. Okay, He's testing you. Are you still going to remain close to us because we've taken something away from you? We've disturbed your comfort slightly.

Are you okay? Yes, I'm fine. Alhamdulillah, well, you're achieving. And we're going to give you a lot of comfort. We're going to let you earn a lot more than you expected. Are you still going to be close to us? You're still going to worship? You're still going to, you know, be a person of great character, great conduct? Yes, yes, I am. Well, in that case, you passed your test.

Because people get, at times they forget. When we get, we forget. When we get what? When we get success or, from a materialistic perspective, wealth. When we get goodness, we forget the one who gave us the goodness. That's what happens to some. While others, the more they get, the closer they get to the Almighty.

And then, the opposite is also correct, where sometimes when things are taken away from us, we become closer to the Almighty. It's a fact. You know, when people suffer a loss, one after the other, sometimes they get closer to God Almighty, to Allah.

They start crying to Him. They start praying. They start, you know, believing. They start attending. They start taking life more seriously, religion more seriously. Because they know, I'm struggling, I'm struggling. So, that was a blessing. And struggles don't last forever.

But there are some whom, when they struggle, they actually turn away from the Almighty. They go. Where do they go? They get lost in their own intoxication and in everything else, which makes matters worse. So, number one.

We all have struggles. We will all go through struggles. We have to. None of us seated here and none of us who are going to here. There's none of us on earth. Not a single person on earth can say, I've never struggled. Never. Everything's been as per my wish. Never.

Impossible. Because if things were as per my wish or yours, we wouldn't even die. We wouldn't die. A lot of us wouldn't die. Besides those who want to get to jannah quite quickly. And if you want to get to jannah quite quickly and you happen to decide, okay, let me die.

You actually lose that jannah. Did you ever know that? Because the choice of your death is not in your hands. It's in the hands of the Almighty. You need to live for as long as the Almighty keeps you alive. You need to do everything in your hands to keep yourself and others alive. It's part of your worship of the Almighty.

The Game of Life

I was explaining it to a group of children. And I told them, you know when you play a game? When you're playing a game. And nowadays the gaming is actually very, very addictive. We have a lot of people who are so hooked on to it that they lose track of real life around them.

But anyway, when you're playing your game, say for example it's a car game. What do you do? You keep playing. And you try your best not to lose a life. You get three lives. You try your best not to lose a life.

You keep playing. You keep playing. You don't just say, right guys, you know, I'm tired. Boom, boom, boom. One, two, three, gone. And you're lost. You weren't serious about it. You've lost. You've actually lost.

That's what it is. But you play. You keep playing. You're hoping to win or you're hoping to do better. You're hoping to overtake as many cars as possible before it's game over so that your name can be top ten. Right? Wallahi, I tell you, in life, you need to protect your life.

Because we don't have three chances. We've just got one. We've just got one. You need to keep going. Maybe it's not a game. I can't say keep playing.

But you need to keep going. Keep trying. Keep ensuring. And you will have challenges. And the road will wind. And then you will have potholes. And you'll have bumps and humps and everything else happening. You need to keep going. Keep trying.

Keep swerving and turning this way, that way. Making sure that, you know, you're enjoying the ride. Although it's so difficult in the game. Subhanallah. But you're doing well. And the more you go, the more experienced you become.

Then, you know, the bend that you get used to turning so well becomes child's play. You can just turn it with your eyes closed. Subhanallah. And you won't even notice that that happened because you're so used to it.

In life, the challenges we face, my beloved brothers, sisters, and children. We face challenges where when you face them positively, And you actually go through them in a way that you realize, The Almighty will be making it easier and easier as time passes.

I promise you that's exactly what happens. Your problem is as big as you want it to be. Your issue is as big as you want it to be. Some people have a very, very small issue. Like what happened with the microphones earlier on. They would bring the roof down.

I promise you. They would have a meeting and have really an investigation into what went wrong. It was something minor. So small. It was actually a blessing in disguise. You know, we had a moment to actually say a few words that were not so formal, perhaps.

It was nice. I liked it. I'm sorry. I hope this one doesn't go as well. But it happened. But it's as big as you want to make it.

You miss your flight. Because of my travels, I've seen how people react to the missing of flights. And some of them, really, they scream and yell. The flight's gone. Come on, it's over. It's in the air.

It's not like it's going to come back for you. Now it's all about what you're going to do next. And you think if you scream louder they're going to hear you up there. They're not going to hear you. And even if they do, they're not coming back for you. So, just relax.

The Almighty wanted you somewhere. He definitely wanted you somewhere. Sometimes, and this happens in relationships.

Marriage and Relationships

You know, it's something that we need to address perhaps on a different occasion. When you have a relationship, and I'm talking here of a permissible relationship. Your spouse, for example.

You know, you've lived for 10 years, 15 years. And one or two things have gone wrong minor. Then suddenly, after 15 years, one big thing goes wrong.

The first thing that comes to a lot of people's minds today is, just end the marriage. Come on. 15 years, one mistake. That's like nine and a half out of ten. Come on, man. And it might be a big blunder.

So, you know, people call me because I'm a counselor as well. And the first question I'd ask is, and normally the women would say, you know, my husband did this. I mean, that doesn't mean women don't make mistakes. But sadly, men, you know, I don't want to say they don't know how to make mistakes. But unfortunately, unfortunately, you know what? It happens to be so. May Allah protect all of us.

Sometimes, you know, that's a topic on its own. But may Allah protect us. So, they call you and say, you know, my husband did this and that. And you know, I went out. What's the first question? I promise you. You know what's the first question? Is he an evil guy? Does he beat you up? Does he abuse you? Or does he look after you? Is that his habit or what is it? If he's an evil guy, we're going to be talking a different language.

But if he's generally a really good guy, he's made a mistake. Help him. Does he admit he made a mistake? Yeah, he did. He's very sorry. Did he apologize? Yeah, he did. Well, you might. Naturally, emotionally, I'm struggling. I'm suffering. I can't believe what just happened.

But you know what? Give yourself time before you make big decisions. Always remember that. You have a struggle in life. Don't just be spontaneous and suddenly something happened and I made a decision in two minutes and I'm out of here. That's it. No, no, no, no.

Something happened. You might want to walk away for a while to breathe a little bit. To let the dust settle. To see how you feel. And then, depending on how serious the matter is, you make a decision in 30 days, in 60 days, for example. And say, look, I'm going to decide.

60 might be too long, depending on what it is. But to just say, listen, I'm dealing with this in this way. You know, I've seen people make car accidents.

Dealing with Mistakes and Accountability

And I've seen some come out and start screaming, yelling, and they want to beat up the person who bumped into them. But why? They bumped into each other. It's not like they did it intentionally. And it's a mistake. I remember when I made an accident a long time back. Somebody bumped into me and I walked out and I smiled.

I just looked at her. And honestly, I did that. And I smiled. There was a lady that came out, like, shaking. And I think when she saw a shake, she even shook more. So, basically, she was shaking. And I looked at her and I smiled. And I said, why? Take it easy. And subhanallah, I think she, well, she was quite shocked.

Because she had to breathe in order to calm down, to understand, this guy is not going to scream at me. You know, the guy she least expected not to scream at her, didn't scream at her. Subhanallah.

People make mistakes. They bump into you, so what? It's an inconvenience, I know. But by you yelling, screaming, reacting wrongly, you know what happens? It's a burden on you. It's on your shoulders. It's a stress in your mind. It starts affecting your health without you knowing. Your temperature. Suddenly, the pressure rises. Whatever else happens.

A few sicknesses and illnesses, you know, start becoming manifest within you. Why? Why? Take it in your stride. You didn't do it. Surrender to the decree of the Almighty. When you haven't had a role to play in what has happened. When you have, yes, you will surrender, but with accountability.

What's the difference? If someone bumped into me, I'm going to surrender to the decree of the Almighty and deal with it in the best possible way. It's a problem. It's a struggle.

But if I bumped into someone, yes, I surrender to the decree of the Almighty, but I need to correct myself. I need to calm down. I need to reflect. I need to start checking. Why did this happen? I was driving at 120, 140 as some of my buddies here trying to get us to the UWC. But, subhanallah, I'm driving at 120, 140 and I lost focus because I picked my phone up and suddenly I bumped into someone.

You cannot just say taqdeer, I'm not there. It was destiny. It was destiny. It's fate. You have to make yourself accountable. You have to take account of your deeds. You have to start thinking together with saying that, yes, it is the Almighty, but you have a share of the blame. If not, a lot of it. Next time, don't use your phone.

And I promise you one thing, my brothers, my sisters, my beloved children, don't use your phone when you're driving. Not at all. Don't. It's almost haram. The reason why I can't say it easy is because there's no verse of the Quran to say it. But you're putting the life of others in danger in such a bad way, I promise you.

A law was passed in the UK within the last few days that if you are caught with your phone or tampering with your phone when you're driving, that's it, your license is going to be taken away. Done. Done.

Well, we're not in UK. We're in SA, mashallah. So, here, I think they have quite strict rules, but unfortunately you see a lot of people, a lot of people are guilty of it.

I try, I try, I must be honest. Not to touch my phone when I'm driving, but I try. Unfortunately, the trials, we have to keep on trying. I admit guilt. Sometimes, you know, something happens. You're not even supposed to touch it, to be honest.

You're not supposed to touch it. And if you do, just pick up YouTube, go and search videos of accidents caused by people on mobile phones. And you know what? You wouldn't like someone else to smash into you or your loved ones and literally kill them.

So, don't do that. You wouldn't like it to happen to you. Why do you want to do it to someone else? So, these are difficulties.

Understanding Blame and Accountability

So, what I'm saying here, when you react to something, do not blame the Almighty. Don't blame the Almighty. If, for example, the roof comes down. May Allah not let that happen to us. But look at what happened in Indonesia, okay? Buildings came down. The earthquake happened. What do they do? It's a difficulty. It's a struggle. It's something massive that's overtaken it.

They have to understand, you know what? It's fate. The Almighty chose it for us. I must not become distant from the Almighty. Rather, it must make me closer to the Almighty. But, if I build a building without the proper structure or the steel or without proper planning, then I share part of the blame because I knew that if I'm going to do this in a clandestine way, for example, one day, when the earthquake comes, a little shaman. The whole building is gone.

Everyone is going to die. But you know what? I did it because no one was checking or whatever the reason was. So, you have to take stock, take account of what happened. You have to take part of the blame.

Now, when you're taking blame, and I want to give you a real-life example. There was a brother who was driving. He made a big car accident. He was on his phone and his son died. His son was seated with him. His son died and he became depressed and he couldn't forgive himself. And I happened to talk to him. And subhanallah, the one thing he said is, look, I know it's fate, I know, but you know, I blame myself.

Now, when we blame ourselves, and this is very important, it will fit in your own life, in your own way, perhaps in a smaller way, but in your own unique way. When you blame yourself, when something you have done has resulted in something, you take stock of it. You draw yourself closer to the Almighty.

You actually become a person who's rectified that so that it's not repeated again. And yes, you do blame yourself, but only to the degree that you can develop yourself and not to the degree that you destroy yourself. Why? When you blame yourself, the devil comes in.

Shaytan comes in and starts making you blame yourself beyond the limit to the degree that you're now depressed. Okay, it happened. It's not going to happen again. I'll keep praying for him. It will hurt me. I feel sad every time I think about it, but you know what? May Allah forgive me.

I'm going to carry on. I'm going to make sure I start a campaign against driving with mobile phones. I'm going to start. It will make me feel good. So you're doing something about it in a way that you're going

And this man, they resuscitated him and he was in ICU. He was actually in the room where they resuscitate people. And I asked, you know, where's the next of kin, the son? And they told me, you know, he's gone out to look for a SIM card.

For a what? For a SIM card. Imagine, gone out to look for a SIM card. That SIM card took him one hour. By that time, that flight could have landed in Johannesburg. May Allah protect us and grant us all good health and grant cure to those who are sick and ill. It's a struggle.

So, immediately this one brother comes and says, you know what? I'll make sure that I take care of this. Because the hospital asked for 8,000 US dollars deposit before they touch this guy. I'm letting you know because you need to know.

8,000. So, the boy says, the guy my age, the son, he says, look, I don't have that kind of money. Let's go to the government hospital, a public hospital.

And he was making, they were making arrangements, but he went to get a SIM card. And luckily, the SIM card took so long. So, we arrived there and said, no way, you're going to go to the public health.

They will treat you, but it will take them about 12 to 16 hours before they look at you. Because of how many people they are. So, this brother was so kind, he actually said, look, I will give this deposit guarantee from me and treat this man.

And mashallah, everything started. And the uncle was treated and subhanallah stabilized. And a while later, they said, you've got to fly out to Johannesburg and you know, you can go back.

But he was unconscious all along. Because he didn't have a heart attack, he had brain hemorrhage. Such that it was so severe. The doctor said, there is nothing anyone could actually do. It's a matter of time. Because he is breathing, because he is okay, although his brain dead, you can actually carry this guy.

You can actually take him along back to Joburg where his entire family is. And so, what happened? There was another obstacle. And another obstacle.

Because the private airline that was supposed to take him across said, look, we are ready to take him. But, but, you need to have a bed in Johannesburg ICU waiting for you. If you don't have that, you can't do that.

And to get a private bed, you pay a deposit of 300,000 rands. Did you know that? And, and, if you want a bed in one of the public hospitals, you've got to wait. You've got to wait.

And to wait, you're going to be sitting in Harare, right? Because you can't get off. But there was a way out. What was the way out? The way out was go by road.

Going by road is like 12 hours to Johannesburg. But Alhamdulillah, it worked and the uncle got home. He got to one of the hospitals and apparently the law here is that if you get to a hospital, they cannot, they cannot refuse you.

They cannot. So now that he got there, they couldn't refuse him. They took him in and he passed away a day later, I think. This is last week. I'm talking about last week. So the reason I'm giving you this example that's so fresh within me is because when we saw that and we tried to help them, wallahi, all our issues became irrelevant.

We forgot them for a while because we were dealing with someone's major issue that was there and we start appreciating health. You start appreciating things. You start understanding, you know, when you're traveling, it's good to be more than one just in case sometimes, imagine there to stop and just leave you, drop you off and say, we carry on, goodbye.

And they went off and you just there alone and you're unconscious. What's going to happen? That is so, so bad. May Allah never let that happen to us.

So do you realize that people have real problems, real issues, major. You know, sometimes the struggles we have, yes, I'm not trying to belittle them. Like I say, everyone has struggles and you can take a certain amount.

It's like a fuel tank. Every car has a different literage. You know, some cars, 30 liters and the tank is already full. Some 60. You know, you have a big Range Rover, it might be 90. Some have a spare tank.

So it's about 90 and 90 is 180 and they go on and on. So your problem becomes bigger. The size of the tank, right? Becomes a bigger problem because you're going to need to fill the tank.

The same applies to us. Your capacity is different. So sometimes a small issue will actually occupy you so much that you feel like your world has come to an end.

But it actually hasn't. There are people whose world has long come to an end according to our standards. But they're still living with a smile. They're living with a smile. Look at Syria. How long is the problem there? Look at Libya.

Look at Iraq. Afghanistan. Since I was young, we've been hearing about it. Look at all these countries. One after the other. Look at Yemen.

What's going on there? What type of hope do you think the people have? What do you think they need to survive? I met a brother today here in Cape Town from Syria. And he was saying, for so many years, we were surviving on almost nothing. Food didn't come to us.

Food didn't come to us. And I'm just thinking, you know, we've never had that, man. Never. We become depressed because we couldn't have a pizza this week. Yeah. So, reach out to others.

And the Almighty will open your doors. He'll make you realize things. He makes you appreciate. And human nature is such that when you have a little bit of goodness within you, helping others will bring about a lot of joy. This is why when you earn, actually the happiness comes through spending more than through earning. Not wasting.

But spending in the right direction. You've spent the money. If you just kept it, amassed it, you got a hundred thousand, then a million, then ten million, then a hundred million, and you're sitting, mashallah, with a smile.

What are you waiting for? What are you waiting for? Start using the thing, man. I have people who contact me and say, you know, but my husband's so miserly. He's got millions but he doesn't even spend.

You've got to call the guy and convince him to say, you know what, come on. Use the money. What are you waiting for? And people say, no, it's for my kids, you know, it's for my kids.

Your kids will come with more money than that. Spend it right now, you know. And yes, you set your kids, you try and you make sure that you've done whatever you can, but you need to use.

You don't sit back, you know. Come on, you earn for so many years, it's time to perhaps spend a bit of that money. May Allah make it easy for us.

Now I'm speaking to the young who probably haven't even earned so much yet. They must be saying, yeah, make do how we get there first. Make do how we even find a job first.

Allah grant us all good jobs. So now let's get to jobs. It's an important thing, right? Jobs.

Jobs and Persistence

Everyone studies, they graduate, and then you're looking for a job. And then your CV is mashallah beautiful. It's decorated. It's lovely. And you don't get the first job. And you don't get the second one.

And you felt that you were so highly qualified, but for some reason they didn't give you the job. Do you become depressed? No, you don't. You apply for a third, and a fourth, and a fifth, and a sixth, and a seventh.

And you know what? The tenth job, you might land it. And you know what will happen? The amount you're going to be making there, or the conditions, or the time, or whatever else it might be there, will be way beyond what all of those nine would have ever given you, that you were stressing all along. Allah knows.

Your door is the ninth one. So, knock. It didn't open. Walk to the next one. Knock. Didn't open. Walk to the next one. Knock. Didn't open.

Allah says, yours is the ninth. We gave up at the fifth one, and we were now depressed. Gone. Hospitalized. Allah says, but hang on. There were only four of those to go.

Why didn't you knock on the other door? When the ninth one opened, you would have been sailing all the way through. I know. You know, those who buy property, for example, you're looking for your own house.

So, you look at a house. Hey, lovely, beautiful price, beautiful. Someone's taken it off. Then you look for another one. And you know, it's really amazing. And something goes wrong.

It didn't happen. You look for it. You need to believe when it's yours, it's going to come to you. And it will be better than all of those that you were looking at and dreaming, drooling over. No, it's going to be better. You don't close your eyes in a way that, that's it, you're locked into depression.

No. So, it happens with jobs. It happens with things we want to buy. It happens even with marriage.

Guess what? There's a shortage of good guys. Did you ever know that? Honestly, there's a shortage of good guys. All good guys, put up your hands. You see, there's a shortage. So, what happens? Sometimes, 4-5 people are eyeing out the same guy, I'm going to marry this guy.

But he's going to marry one person. 99% of the time, he's going to marry one person. Okay, let's not talk about the 1%.

But 99% of the time, if your eyes are locked on this person and another 2-3 are locked, and you don't get what you were dreaming for, making dua for, crying for, tahajjud for, you became a better Muslim for, and you didn't get it, you know what? You're going to go down the dumps. Subhanallah, if your belief is not strong, but the Almighty says, hang on, there's a guy outside this hall who hasn't yet put up his hand, but you're going to come across him, one day, when something negative happens, then you'll find him.

And you'll bump into someone and say, wow, subhanallah, my taqdeer is written here. You know, like a young guy looking at a woman and saying, my name is written on your forehead. May Allah forgive us. You know, when we were young, one of my elder brothers, when he wanted to, you know when you have something, you're eating a burger or you're eating something, he wanted to take a bite of it, he said, no, my name is written on this corner here.

Now I'm going to erase it and write my name. Anyway, Allah make it easy. So, what happens is sometimes something is not meant for you.

Marriage Guidance

Allah knows why, you don't know why. Don't become depressed because Allah chose for you. How can you be depressed? You may become slightly depressed when you are to blame.

I can tell you what is meant by you are to blame. Let's talk about marriage, it's a good topic. So, you want to marry someone and every day you pass by them and you greet them.

And you think, oh, he noticed me, he greeted back. Or she, for example, right? I'm talking of within the limits, right? But after about a year, two years, the person comes and gives you a card, I'm inviting you to my wedding. What? He's inviting me to your wedding, stop calling.

And then you don't know how to hold back the tears. You don't know how to hold back the stress. But you know it was your fault. He wanted to marry you but he thought that you were occupied somewhere. You never, no one ever spoke. Get someone to say, you know what, such and such a person is interested.

Open your mouth. I promise you. You try, look at Khadija bint Khuwaylidradiallahu anha. Look at her.

What did she do? I'm so, so impressed. In fact, I want to do a talk on the marriages of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - sallAllahu alayhi wasallam). Just to prove that you and I would not marry that way today. And we wouldn't allow our children or siblings to marry that way in a lot of cases.

She was older by 15 whole years. The chances in our community would have been almost nil. She had someone who was employed by her.

The last time someone showed an interest in someone who was employed by the same person, people said, ah, he married her secretly. Astaghfirullah. Well, at least he married her.

Subhanallah. At least he married her. You see? It depends on your character, your conduct, your goodness. You could be a secretary or you could be someone who's a boss. So what? That's irrelevant. The fact is, you know what? You're a good person.

That's what it is. She identified this guy. What a lovely guy. What a lovely person. Individual. Beautiful.

And you know what she says? She actually came out to send that. You know that mouth opening I spoke about? You know, I come from Zimbabwe. When you get married, they charge you something known as, you know the dowry? They call it the lobola or the ruora or something like that, right? And what happens is, when you go to talk to the father of the bride, they first charge you something called vuramromo.

That means to open your mouth. You want us to open our mouth? Right, pay. How much are you paying? You pay X amount, right?

And then there's something called makantins guanani, which means, who did you hear about us from? Right, pay another amount. I promise you. I promise you, we'll pay another amount. They're charging for this.

With us it's free and we don't do it. You see what I'm saying? They charge for it. With us it's free, but we don't do it.

Imagine someone dials you or you dial someone. Landline. Pick up the phone. They're just quiet. They have a message for you, but they're quiet. When you put the phone down, they're like, ah, what happened?

What? I heard him breathing. Did you open your mouth? No, I didn't. How would you want them to know who was on the other side and what you had? So Allah has given you a blessing of the mouth. A lot of our struggles are because we don't know how to use the mouth.

We haven't used it or we've abused it. Or to remain silent where you're supposed to speak would also hurt you. And to speak where you're supposed to remain silent would also hurt you.

These are gems, honestly. So, the minimum was, do what Khadija bint Khuwaylid did. And this is either way.

In Islam, there is no issue when it comes to the proposal. It can come from either side. It doesn't have to be. The idea of marriage could come from the girl's side or the boy's side. There's nothing to say it must come from one and not the other. Some people within their cultures, they believe, no, a girl must just sit back.

That's it. And now we have a new problem. You know, I always tell people that the world only developed a few years ago. Before that, it was all the same.

Historical Perspective

You know, today, with all due respect to those who are striving towards protection of animals and the animal rights. I'm also one of them to a certain extent. We're not right at the top there, but we all care for animals, right? But it's gotten to the degree where if you were to ride on an animal, say, for example, that was a mode of transport for 12 million years. Today, they'll tell you, this is abuse. But for 12 million years, they've been doing it.

12 million years. From the time of Adam right up to now, they've been doing it. Right? I'll give you an example. The elephant. The elephant, they've been riding. It's a mode of transport for years on end.

For millions of years. The world didn't change. All of them from the time of Adam, they drank water from a well. Up to recently, they drank water from a well. We are the fortunate few who don't. We have a tap.

A tap is something, if you were to speak, even to the companions of the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم). It was something amazing. They also drank from a well.

They never had electricity until the other day. Do you know that? When they went at night, they had to light a fire. All of them for 12 million years.

And I say 12 million because some people say that's how old it is. I don't really agree or disagree. I'm just using that as a figure.

Okay? So nothing changed. Nothing. If it changed, it changed very, very little. For millions of years. Okay? Speak about something else. The transport was animals, as I told you.

All over. There were not even bicycles. A bicycle is something recent. Do you know that? They invented the wheel. That was like the biggest thing that ever happened at that time. Huge.

They invented the wheel. Wow. Today a wheel is nothing for us. A wheel was invented. You think for 12 million years they were so thick. Astaghfirullah.

They weren't. But that's what we would think. The kids wouldn't understand.

When they wanted to light, I told you they lit a fire in the evenings. They had to light something to do with fire in order to get light. When they wanted to cook, what did they have to do? They had to light a fire.

There were no even matches. Gunpowder wasn't even discovered. That was not in the other day.

So what did they used to do? Well, two things had to come together. Friction would create a little spark. The spark would be transferred onto a little twig or something.

And then the fire would be lit and so on. Up to when? From the beginning of time right up to now, it happened. Nothing changed during all that time.

It changed recently. So, technology. A car, motor vehicle is very new. It's a new thing. Now we've got electric cars. Electricity came in.

Turn on the light. If you don't have electricity, we are depressed. You know that? The lights go. Cold water. The fridges are going to go. Everything.

Skittle effect. And you're so depressed. But you know what? For 12 million years, they were excited. They didn't ever have lights. Do you even know how to look after things when there's no lights? I can teach you a little bit being a Zimbabwean. But Alhamdulillah.

It's really... So, what I'm telling you is, For so many years, things have been happening. And suddenly, in 100 years, we developed more than what they did in 12 million years. Do you ever think about that? Such that if a person 100 years back was to be brought here today, they wouldn't believe a lot of what we're... They'd think, is this Jannah? I promise you.

Is this paradise? Guys, I can speak to someone in Australia. Look at them. I mean, if you told that to someone 30-40 years ago, they would think you're cuckoos.

I promise you. When I was young, the first time the mobile phone came out, those big Motorola bricks that some of you might remember, they were expensive. And you know what? It was something, wow! You mean, there's no wire.

You mean, it's not just a cordless. You mean, what do you mean? And today, you know what? We don't even think about how it works. We've been so addicted to it.

It's part of our life. Without it... I want to tell you something true. Not take away your phone. No. Take away just the internet from your phone. We are depressed.

I promise you. I'm talking about myself. I'm thinking of actually going on a detox. Two days. You might see the announcement one day on my Twitter and Facebook to say, Two days, I'm giving it a break. I'm thinking of it.

Do you know why? We are so addicted, it's actually toxic. It's toxic. But, guess what? Certain things within us have not yet changed.

Marriage in Modern Times

To keep in time, or to keep abreast, to keep up to the change of technology, the change of everything else. I give you an example. When a person wants to get married, how did it used to happen? For millions of years.

I mean, the transport and the communications was not as it is today. So, your circle of who you knew was very, very small. Up to very recently, you know.

So, it would only be who you knew, or your family knew, or someone around you knew. Because, obviously, even if there was a phone, when I was young, if we wanted to phone South Africa, we had to dial zero, wait for an operator, give him the number, and then he would say, I'll call you back at 10.30. Then he would call you back, Hello, is this the number? Okay, hold on for your caller, or hold on for the call, and then you wait, and then they connect the two, and then they charge you per second. When you're done, they call you back, say, that was $9.30. That's how it used to work.

Some of you might know. It doesn't make me sound like a dinosaur. But it's a fact.

It's a fact. That's what used to happen. And if you wanted to communicate with someone in another country, you had to write a letter.

Two weeks later, they'd get it, and another two weeks later, you'd get a response, and that was like, Wow, four weeks only, we got a reply. Now, it's like in four minutes, if those two ticks have come through, and there's no reply, you're like, they're ignoring me. That's how life has changed.

And we're becoming depressed for something that's actually heaven to others. When we're depressed, we're stressed. They've ignored me.

Relax, take it easy. So, talking about marriage, the circle has become so broad, but our minds have not become broad. So, that's the reason why, you know, today someone was telling me, you were saying that if someone wants to marry in a different circle or outside of their relatives or outside of their clan and tribe, then you should let it happen.

And that is actually a bad thing, according to what someone was telling me today. And I just excused them, because it's not got to do with marrying inside or outside. It's the individual, it's the person, and perhaps the family, if you'd like to look at the family.

If they're decent, reasonable, good people, you can marry them, even if they come from the moon. Even if they come from the moon. And that's an Islamic injunction.

We're not racist. We're not supposed to be anything of that thing. No matter who they are, what their standing is, but whatever their standing is.

(Hadith - Sunan at-Tirmidhi)

"If there is a proposal from someone whose level of character is good, acceptable, their level of consciousness is good acceptable. Here we're talking of the, you know, the deen of the individual, the religiousness, the seriousness with which they take their maker. If that is of an acceptable level, let it happen."

Those are the words of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. Yes. But you know what, with us, we say, no, I can prove to you that that's wrong sometimes.

Some of the people are still doing that. And they're doing it, even some of the educated are doing it. They can't.

No, I can't. This guy, I had a problem with his father. You can't marry him.

We had a problem with his father, not with him. How many families, we've got brilliant dads and a little devil of a son. And how many we've got devils of dads and saints of sons.

It's no longer that you can look at the parents and decide, okay, the children are brilliant. Why? Because the dad is a really good guy.

No, dad, you don't even know about this little boy, what he gets up to.

You cannot judge someone on another. It might give you a slight hint as to what type of an upbringing he may have had. How many of us actually bring up our children? I think a lot of us don't.

Nowadays, the world has changed. Mothers at work, fathers at work. Who brings up the kids? Well, the third party.

Whoever the third party is. It could be Tom and Jerry. It could be someone else.

Yeah. I promise you. It could be anything and anyone.

So, what I'm saying, there are a lot of people who are more in terms of the seriousness with their link or in their link with their maker than their own folks, their parents. Some parents fight their children because they don't want them to be, what can I say, pious, to be closer to Allah. You take your Fajr seriously, they say, you're disturbing me.

That alarm, I don't want to hear it. I need to sleep. But hey, I'm like the daughter here, you know.

You're supposed to be encouraging me. No, that's the world. That's what's happening.

So, getting to my point, everything is developed, but sometimes our mind hasn't developed yet. That's why we struggle, we suffer.

You know, every single day, without fail, including today, I receive emails from people who want to get married, and someone is blocking it for nothing.

And I feel like, I don't know. We've got to talk about this every day. Every day.

And the problem is, those who need to hear it are not here. And those who need to hear it, they don't want to hear it. They don't even want to listen.

They're probably not on YouTube. They probably wouldn't watch things. They probably wouldn't want to listen to anything.

Well, that's why we suffer. That's why we struggle. Because you know what? You're making life difficult when Allah made it easy.

So, what's the way out? Number one, we've got to educate those who are guilty of it. Number two, make sure in your own life you're not guilty of this. Not necessarily within marriage, but within so many other things.

We make people's lives difficult. The hadith tells us, when you make someone's life easy, the Almighty will make your life easy. You have a struggle, like I said at the beginning here, help others with the same struggle.

But, ask yourself, ask yourself, am I the problem? Sometimes you are. And you don't know that you're the problem. Am I making someone else's life difficult? Sometimes you are.

That's why you're struggling. But you have this false belief that it's them who are the problem. So, introspection would actually help you to lead a better life.

Make people's lives easier. Go out of your way to facilitate things for people. If a smile is an act of charity, imagine what the value of that beyond a smile would be.

Did you hear what I just said? They say a smile is an act of charity, so people smile. It's good to smile, mashallah, we are happy. But, imagine what would be beyond that.

It's like how I say, when a man earned Paradise by being compassionate towards a dog and quenching the thirst of a dog, what do you think a person who was compassionate towards another human being would earn? That's the question. When Allah gave you the example, He gave you the lowest. He said the lowest got Paradise.

What about you and I, who perhaps would be compassionate beyond that level?

Never Lose Hope

And the last point I want to say today, Never lose hope. Never. No matter what happens, you don't lose hope.

You have to know that there is something better awaiting me. You have to know that. You have to believe it firmly, even if temporarily right now things seem like they are going down.

There is no other way for a believer. You have to have that hope. Allah says this in the Quran.

The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, He says it in the Hadith. You know what? You have to have hope in the mercy of Allah.

Never ever lose hope in the mercy of Allah.

He knows. He will give you what's better for you. And I want to tell you why he says this.

Sometimes you go through what you think and you know as a human being on earth, it's difficult for you. But the Almighty knows that when you see the reward of it in the Hereafter, you're going to be so happy

that you're going to say, Oh Allah, if this was the reward, then you should have kept me in that condition longer. When you're terminally ill, you're suffering, you have a sickness, it's a struggle.

Those who look after children they have or others have who might be disabled or challenged in one way or another, I promise you to look after those who are ill or who are disabled is so great in reward that at times you'll find yourself on the day of Qiyamah on a level that you wouldn't even believe. May Allah grant us goodness. Why? Because you were patient.

Patience is part of iman. Allah says:

"- Seek assistance through two things, prayer and patience."

You're prepared to be patient and you're prepared to keep on praying in all conditions.

For example, if you had a job and your job was to carry 20 rocks from point A to point B and the guy tells you, listen, I'll give you a good salary, don't worry. When you carry the 20 rocks and he gave you 1 million rands, you're gonna tell him, do you have any more rocks? I would say this. Yeah, I promise you.

Because I've got such a big recompense for the rocks. When I was carrying them, I was sweating, I almost broke my back. But when I saw the money, I said, hey, let's see a few more rocks, I'm sure I can manage, you know.

You think Allah is not as merciful or even more merciful? Subhanallah, Allah is definitely more merciful. When He gives you your reward for what you've been through, you're gonna say, hey, you know what? Sickness, is that what it was? Shucks, it was only two weeks. I wish it was two years, man.

May Allah grant us have hope in the mercy of Allah. You're going to see goodness. You're going to see happiness.

Your days are coming. Your days are definitely coming. Those of you who might be struggling to get married, it's definitely there.

You know what? Keep trying, don't give up. Those of you who've been through divorce, go again, try again. Those of you who've been widowed, go again, inshallah, why not? Don't give up.

Not all people are like that. Don't let people lie to you. They say, men are all dogs.

Some dogs, you can't do without them, right? May Allah grant us peace. Okay. Okay, that was on a lighter note.

That was on a lighter note. But subhanallah, it's not true. They're not all the same.

Because you've had a bad experience with two or three, perhaps the fourth one will be such. And I know of cases, it's a pity, I can't really relate them to you. But I know of cases where people, fourth time lucky, fifth time lucky, subhanallah.

So lucky, mashallah. When I say it's the mercy of Allah, that they say, you know what? Whatever's happened, I forgot about it. It's over, I'm so happy.

Let's just move on in life. Mashallah. Well, Allah tells you, if that didn't happen in your case on earth, it's definitely going to come in the hereafter.

Questions About Paradise

I said I was going to end on that, but I need to add one thing. It's very interesting. So I received an email about a month back of a sister who says, you know, there's a houri in paradise, right? And I don't want my husband to have the houri.

So, what's going to happen? So now she says, I've convinced him and he told me, when Allah tells me, here's your houri, I'm going to say, I don't want. Wallahi, you're not lying. I'm going to show you how people think.

So, and this is a serious thing, okay? So the man has agreed. He's agreed already. He said, I'm not having it.

I'll have you, that's it. Okay, fair enough. So now she says, I asked someone else and they said, you can't say that.

You can't say you don't want, you know. So please, I'm asking you, is he allowed to say I don't want? So I answered her. What do you think I'm going to say? I said, you know what sister? Allah promised in the Quran that everyone will have whatever they wish.

You do what you want, your instruction, whatever will actually be completely done on condition that all of that is done there. It's done there. It's not done in advance from here.

It has to be done there. So if he gets there and he really says that and he means it, he will have what he wishes. That's all I'm saying.

That's all I'm saying. But for you to decide from now, you better work on getting there first. Because if you're, while we're worried about what we're going to get, while we're on holiday, buy the ticket first, for God's sake.

When I go, when I go to Palawan, you know Palawan is a beautiful place in the Philippines. Ah, absolutely superb. Honeymoon destination.

But you're not yet married. What honeymoon do you want, right? Number two is you need to earn a bit, so on. You're worried about when I go, that orange juice, I'm going to turn it down.

I want the, I want the mixed juice. Come on. It's such a minor detail.

So small. You've made it the focus of your life. And the juice.

But you haven't even done what you need to get to the place. Subhanallah. It's like people who cry about their cats.

And I appreciate how attached we become to our pets. It's there. It's a good sign.

We're more attached to pets at times than we are to our mothers. Sorry, than we are to human beings. You almost heard that, right?

We're more attached to pets than we are to people.

Sometimes. But it goes to show, it's because of our experience with people. It's not supposed to be.

But unfortunately or fortunately, it is. But people then ask serious questions. You know, if your pet dies and you cry, is it okay? The answer is yes, it is.

It's fine. If you've cried, it's okay. You're a human being.

You have feelings. I cry. I'll let you in on something.

I actually shed tears when I watch clips. A lot of times. A lot of times.

I think it's a good thing. I think it actually shows that we're all human. We're all care.

And we have that within us, the feeling. But you're allowed to cry. But now comes a question.

Is my cat going to be in Jannah? With me? I really miss my cat. Wallahi, before, it was not really a big question. Now, I get that question quite often.

Quite often. Is my cat going to be in Jannah? And you know what? I no longer brush it aside. You have to tackle the question because it's a matter.

It's a matter. People will tell you, well, if the cat is not there, I don't want to be in it. Astaghfirullah.

Astaghfirullah. But they don't realize that, you know what? Allah has promised you that when you are there, when you are there, then whatever comes to your mind shall be in front of you. It will be with you, it will be yours when you are there.

But the problem with us is with our little minds right now, with our human feelings, with our, you know, whatever we have in terms of negativity, in terms of lack of perfection and whatever else. We're thinking from now, we want this. But we're not even there.

We don't even know what's on offer there. And you know, if you want something and you decide from now, your life will be so superb there that you may never think about what you spoke about on earth. I wanted this.

It won't even cross your mind because you're going to be swimming and floating in something way beyond what you imagined. But it's hard to explain that to someone who's attached to something in this

world. People say, and it's another fact, people say, well, if I'm going to be married to the same guy in Jannah, it's okay, it's okay.

It's actually going to be hell. People actually say that. They say that because if you have, I'm enduring this guy for the last so many years.

Sorry, I'm not going to get you out of here. I'm enduring this guy for the last so many years. You mean when I go into heaven, he's also going to be there to mess things up.

But the reality is that's not true at all because when you get there, you will see something Allah promises is going to make you happy. And your depression is based on something you don't even know, honestly. Your loss of interest is based on something that you don't even know.

You work on A before you get to Z. You're worried about Z before you've even crossed A. So now regarding the cat, we normally have to say, you know what? If you think about it, Allah's going to give it to you. And then you find another sheikh saying, but the cats are going to be there. I say, keep quiet, we know.

But you don't have to tell them. The cats are going to be there. And you go, no you can't, you've got to be.

They say, no. If they go there and they think about it and they want it, Allah will give them. That means when they go there, they won't think about it.

So it won't be there. But you tell them the second part of it, there's depression again. So you just say the first part and stop there and it's over.

And they can live their life with a lot of hope because you didn't lie. May Allah grant us ease. You know the example comes to mind of how the world has developed.

Think about people who lived 300 years ago. Not long, 300 years ago. Here in K-Town.

If they had to say, when I'm in Jannah, I want this pot. Or this bucket. It's a bucket that was used to go down the well.

And it's such a lovely bucket. InshaAllah in Jannah I'll get it. I tell you, if they had to live now, they wouldn't even want that bucket.

And it's only a few hundred years down. So why? Why think about, it's like all of us, we like certain things. I mean you see a nice car, you say wow.

But I know I can't afford it. So, the silliest thing is, InshaAllah in Jannah I'll get it. That's a silly statement.

The reason is, honestly it's silly. The reason is, you, yourself, five years from now, will not want that car. Imagine if Allah parked it for you in Jannah, you need this thing here.

It's going to be the worst thing in the whole of paradise. Guys are going to look at you and think, Gosh, is this what you really prayed for? You understand what I'm saying? So this is why I put things into perspective, my brothers and sisters. And inshaAllah you will really have, you know, a blessed time with your struggles.

And may Allah make it easy for all of us. May Allah grant us goodness. May Allah help us focus.

And may we be from among those truly, who go through these challenges in life, in a way that it strengthens our relationship with Allah. When He blesses you, you get closer to Him. When He takes away from you, you get closer to Him.

And inshaAllah, when we end this test, we will definitely all be in a better place.

Questions and Answers Session

Question: Are there any du'a for stress and anxiety?

Yes, there are. There are plenty du'a. It's very important.

First, when you read your five daily prayers, when you fulfill your five daily prayers, that on its own will already release a lot of your stress and anxiety. If you are able to get up at a time earlier than the early morning prayer known as Salatul Fajr, and you are prepared to put your head on the ground for your maker, it will automatically relax you. You will feel a feeling that no one else can describe to you.

You've got to feel it yourself. When you got up early morning, and you've actually cleansed yourself for the sake of the Almighty, and you put your head on the ground, and you enjoyed it, and you sat, and perhaps you breathed the fresh air, that feeling is already de-stressing.

Number two. There are specialized prayers. Like you read some of the surahs of the Qur'an.

Suratul Dhuha is very powerful. Read its meaning. It is powerful.

And the surah immediately after that is called Suratul Sharh. It's a chapter of the Qur'an. Very, very short.

It's made up of a few verses. Read its meaning. Understand the reason behind revelation.

Repeat it a few times during the day. No fixed amount of time. No, it's not like it has to be those specific surahs or some.

But it will bring about lots of comfort, because it is talking about difficulty, hardship, and stress. And how ease will definitely follow.

And the Almighty is reminding the Messenger, peace be upon him, and the believers, about the other favors of the Almighty.

The other favors. We normally depress ourselves or become depressed, based on one issue or two issues. When we look at the whole picture, those are the only two or three struggles we have.

In actual fact, we've got a lot of goodness that we've overlooked. So those will bring about the focus upon the blessings of the Almighty. When you focus on the blessings automatically, the focus on the negatives diminishes.

Then there are specified supplications. Oh Allah, I seek your protection from worry, from anxiety. That you will have to learn.

There's a book that's written. Known as Hisn al-Muslim. It's known as the protection of a Muslim or the supplications of a Muslim. The compiler's name was Said Rahaf Al-Qahtani. He passed away recently. May Allah give him Jannah.

That book is probably one of the most popular books on Earth at the moment. In its subject, in the subject. So the subject is supplications. It's very famous. Most of us have it. The Fortress of a Muslim.

So yes, there are supplications and they do work. But together with the supplication, you need to also change your outlook and your attitude. The way you look at things, it needs to change. Talk to positive people.

You know, yesterday I tweeted about staying away from negative people. And someone blasted me. Well, how can you just stay away from negative people? You're supposed to be helping them.

You're supposed to be reaching out to them. If you stayed away from negative, we're not talking of simple negativity. We're talking here of toxic people who make you negative with their negativity.

That's who we're talking about. Allah says:

" - When an ignorant person talks to you, protect yourself by saying peace and walking away."

Because you know every time I talk to them, there's going to be stress. There's going to be a struggle. There's going to be a problem. I'd rather just say, Salam, walk away.

Question: How can I propose to a potential spouse without my parents?

So basically, let me tell you, your parents are chosen for you by the almighty Allah. They're a test for you. They're sometimes too good to be true and sometimes the opposite.

So what happens is, you cannot just say, I don't want my parents involved. It depends if your father or mother, if they've been abusive, if they're really nasty people. That is an exception, definitely an exception.

You can stay away from him, far away from him. You can get him jailed actually. You can report him to the cops and sort him out.

But we're talking of the general case. Generally, you should be involving your reasonable parents. And we have tried our best to talk to those parents.

Ideally, we should be easygoing parents. Like I said, as a parent, you know what? Any deal that comes to you, consider it strongly. And consider it using the guidance of what the Almighty has told you.

Because why? It is sustenance. It is rizq. Just like if a million dollar deal had to come to you.

You might be better off doing it in dollars. Who knows? Who knows? So, the same would apply if you are parents.

In order to answer this question, we need to address parents as well. Because there is a reason why this person is saying, without my parents. Why would you not want your parents when they are supposed to be the most loving, the most kind, the most beautiful, the most, you know, involved people in your life.

Because they are not being so involved. That's why. Or they are being unreasonable.

Or maybe you are being unreasonable.

If really they are being unreasonable, when they don't have a reason, when it's a race issue, which is unacceptable in Islam, when it is an issue of tall and short, which tribe you're from, where else you're from, whatever.

That is un-Islamic. In that case, you could bypass your parents. You could.

I'm not encouraging it. But there's a permissibility of it. If really they are guilty, you get the scholars involved.

You get the ulama bodies involved. You talk to them. They can shift your guardianship from the father to another.

Perhaps closest male relative who's there. Maybe your eldest uncle or someone else could represent you, could be your wali, could be your guardian. So, you could bypass.

But if you bypass your parents completely, the day something goes wrong in your life, where are you going to go?

Try never to lose your relationship with your folks. Never.

But when they are unreasonable, when they don't have a reason, when it's a race issue, which is unacceptable in Islam, when it is an issue of tall and short, which tribe you're from, where else you're from, whatever.

That is un-Islamic. In that case, you could bypass your parents. You could.

Final Advice on Haram Relationships

When you develop a haram relationship, What have you done? You're actually digging a little hole. And you're going deeper and deeper into the hole.

So you want to marry. And, On either side, One of the people is saying, I'm not ready yet. When they say, I'm not ready yet, It's because shaitan is very ready.

That's why. Shaitan is always ready. So, I'm not ready yet.

Some parents, How can I allow that to happen? What will people say? My brothers and my family, They're going to look down upon me. And what? Well, at the moment, Shaitan is looking up to you. It's the only one.

Why? Worrying about people, My brothers, My sisters, Is the biggest problem that we have today.

Because people don't worry about you. The same people you're worried about, When they have to do things, They're not going to worry about what you're worried about.

Not at all. Do things. Be a leader.

Walk alone, no problem. You know you're right. They will follow.

Don't ever say, But what's people going to say?

But one thing I don't encourage at all, It's a secret hidden marriage. Don't ever do that. Don't fall into it.

Come what may, Be given with honor, With dignity. Take yourself in. No matter what the dunya says.

They can laugh. They can scoff. They can boycott.

They can do whatever. You did it with honor. Remember those words.

Do it with honor. No secrets.

If you're not prepared to come up into the open And say, listen, I'm married to so and so. Sorry, you don't deserve this relationship.

That's my piece of advice.

And it's a strong piece of advice. Remember that. No matter what, That person is not worth it.

So, Inshallah, If a person has a haram relationship, They will, by the will of Allah, Endeavor to come out of it.

Coming out of it. Make it halal. Because you're digging a hole.

It is going to pain. You're just waiting for the bomb to explode. That's what's happening.

Closing

May Allah grant us ease. There's so much we could say.

But can Ustad say something to us Who are fighting two battles, alhamdulillah?

The sister raised something very important. If you notice, the topic is the struggles of life.

So that's the reason why I concentrated on what Perhaps you may be going through and what might come to you. Because there are actually three things, Two of which are discussed more than the third.

A person is either depressed or stressed due to something that's happening to them Or something that they've gotten themselves into.

But the third is sometimes because of the way you are, Perhaps, you know, people suffer different sicknesses. Like I have a cough, for example. Or I have, if a person says that I have a sinus problem.

It's not something bad about them. But it's something that they are struggling with. Because Allah has chosen that for them.

The same applies to depression and anxiety at times. Where it's part and parcel of a person's nature. From a spiritual perspective, I can give you what you need, inshallah.

At times, I know that just like how people are struggling with other sicknesses that Allah chose for them. They have this sickness as well.

I would rather learn from you than you listen to me regarding what you said. Because I was listening very attentively to what you were saying. And I appreciate the struggle that you're mentioning.

And I think perhaps I need to broaden my knowledge about that too, inshallah. May Allah grant us ease and goodness.

As much as I'd love to continue. I just want to say two more things before I actually close. Number one is, inshallah, after we're done here, I need to walk into the other hall.

Just to greet some of the brothers and sisters who are there. And secondly, when we're done, the book, Motivational Moments, the proceeds are going to charity completely.

May Allah make it easy for all of us. May Allah grant us goodness. May Allah help us focus.

And may we be from among those truly, who go through these challenges in life, in a way that it strengthens our relationship with Allah. When He blesses you, you get closer to Him. When He takes away from you, you get closer to Him.

And inshaAllah, when we end this test, we will definitely all be in a better place.