Ismail ibn Musa Menk The Sad Reality!
By Mufti Menk | 2026-01-12T07:15:37.889782+00:00 | Topic: Quran
The Sad Reality! - Mufti Ismail Menk
Opening and Praise
We praise Allah. We send blessings and salutations upon Muhammad (peace be upon him). For indeed he was the chosen by Allah, the greatest of creation, the most noble of all prophets of Allah. We send blessings and salutations upon him. We ask Allah to bless his household, his companions. May Allah bless them all and bless every one of you. May Allah bless the ummah at large, our offspring. May Allah keep us steadfast on the deen.
The Reality of Our Condition
My brothers and sisters in Islam, the sad reality is that where we are supposed to be and what we are supposed to be doing, sometimes we become oblivious of. And what happens is as a result of that, we tend to suffer. We suffer in our individual capacities. We suffer within our families, within our societies. We suffer as an ummah as well. And we struggle.
And each one of us begins to ask, when will the help of Allah come? You and I know that on a global level, Islam and the Muslims are looked at with an eye of mistrust, with an eye of evil intent, with an eye of that which is negative completely. The question is, where have we gone wrong?
The sad reality is individually we need to rectify ourselves. People think it's a joke, but wallahi it's not.
The Loss of Love Among Believers
Where is the love that Muhammad (peace be upon him) has told us about?
(Bukhari 13)
"None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself"
If you've seen something bad in me, you need to make sure you address it in a way you would love it if you were found with the same weakness or the same bad such that it would be rectified, holding the integrity of the individual intact as possible. Where is the love gone? Today we see someone do something bad, the first thing that comes to our minds, let's expose.
That word expose is a dangerous word. When the hadith says:
(Muslim 2699 - "Whoever covers the faults of a Muslim, Allah will cover their faults in this world and the next")
Whoever covers the faults of a Muslim, Allah will cover their faults in this world and the next. Whoever covers the faults of another, the defects, Allah will cover them.
We are doing the opposite, that's the sad reality. The opposite, we enjoy exposing even when we don't know if what we are saying is correct. We love it, we enjoy it, then we will be exposed. When we are all exposed, no one loves anyone, no one likes anyone, no one even wants to mix with anyone, no one trusts anyone because we were the cause. That's the sad reality. So we need to change this.
The Absence of Basic Islamic Etiquettes
Where is the love between us? Where is the smile that is a sadaqah? We fail in that, where is it? The sad reality is we smile when there is a woman in front of us whom it is perhaps haram for us to even develop a relationship with or to say more than that which is necessary. Then the smile comes about. When there is a wealthy man, a person whom we know perhaps we are going to gain something, we greet nice and loud, we go, we smile, we want to be kind and good to such a person.
The reason is something besides the link of the deen. Where are the smiles amongst us? As an ummah, the sad reality is they are snatched away because we don't see the importance of the smile anymore. Therefore, my brothers, my sisters, learn to develop these beautiful sunan of Rasulullah (peace be upon him), great habits. They will come to us with positive impact, with great benefit, with solutions to our problem.
Where is the greeting? The sad reality is we've stopped greeting each other. You cross a Muslim in a mall, you are the last person they will greet. Why? The sad reality is they would prefer to greet those who don't even belong to Islam. Giving them priority over brothers and sisters in the faith. I'm not saying it's wrong or right to greet someone else. But I am saying, where are the priorities? Why don't we greet one another? For what? What is the problem? And then when we greet each other, let's not make someone else's life difficult by putting them into such a corner that they won't want to greet us again.
The Loss of Good Opinion (Husn al-Zann)
Where is the husn al-zann gone in the ummah? Do you know what that means? The sad reality is when you see someone do something, the worst possible thought comes to your mind. That's the sad reality. Muhammad (peace be upon him) says, the best possible thought should come to your mind. You see someone doing something that looks so negative. You must find 70 excuses for that person. The sad reality is we are far from that. We will find 70 evil reasons to put the person in such a corner that they cannot interact in society again. And we were wrong. We only find out after the damage is done.
Where are the days when or where is the teaching that you are not allowed to backbite? It is worse than adultery. It is worse than this. It is as eating the flesh of your dead brother. Where is it? The sad reality is all of us, myself included, need to do more to protect ourselves from backbiting. May Allah forgive us. This is the sad reality. This is where the ummah has reached my brothers, my sisters.
Problems Within the Family Structure
Make an intention to change yourself for the sake of Allah. You will find within your home, where is the respect between the spouses? Where is the dignity? Where is the trust? Something happens and we think the worst. And another thing is we try to tell our spouse, Why don't you trust me? You have trust issues. But we are perpetrating crimes like adultery. We are involved. We are guilty. We are giving them reason to doubt us. And then we want to use Islam in order to just come to our rescue. To say, you know what? You are not supposed to be doubting.
That's it. Sometimes the men say, I'm the man. I'm the boss, etc. That word boss, the last I saw was just a perfume. May Allah forgive us. Have you seen it too? Now I think they've developed a leather jacket too. May Allah grant us goodness. So don't think that you can use this term boss in order to oppress your spouse. It's not. It's wrong.
You are part of the best ummah:
"You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind"
Developed for the benefit of mankind. For the benefit of the rest of you. Did you know that? That's what the verse means. That you have been made. You have come. Allah has put you in a position that you can be the most beneficial to the people. And one of the ways of benefiting is to encourage people to do good, to discourage them from bad. In a beautiful polite way.
The Prophet's Example in Dealing with Others
The Prophet (peace be upon him), his interaction with the enemies of Islam was such that you wouldn't even know this one was an enemy. Allahu Akbar. How did he speak to Abu Jahl? How did he speak to Al- Akhnas ibn Shuraik? How did he speak to Umayyah ibn Khalaf? He spoke to them with respect. We don't speak to our parents with that much respect.
That's the sad reality. Your father means nothing to you. Your mother is another hag. Astaghfirullah. That's what it is. We don't even have speech with them. The minute they want to guide us, they want to tell us something, that's it. They are crossed off our list. We don't want to go to the place. We don't want to make a phone call. Where is the respect? Where is the dignity?
The Responsibility of Parents
That having been said, parents, it is not just a green light that you know what? Your jannah is under my feet, so you do as I will say. That's not what the Quran and Sunnah teach. Never are you allowed to take advantage of that. Like I said moments ago, you cannot say a statement and just try and say, that word covers my oppression. It doesn't. You can be a mother, but you can also go to jahannam when you have oppressed. Remember that. Jannah under your feet. Your feet and your whole body will be elsewhere. May Allah protect us. If you oppress, then you do not deserve the status.
May Allah grant us all guidance. So, we are struggling. The sad reality is parents are not proper parents in fulfilling their roles. And children are not proper in fulfilling their roles. That's a sad reality. Let's change that. We can change it. That's why we are here today to talk about the sad reality and what we should do about it.
Extended Family Issues
The world is suffering. But in my little circle, my suffering, I am responsible for it. I make my sister's life so difficult just because she married a guy I don't like. Or I make my brother's life so difficult just because my wife and his wife had a bit of speech. One wanted to go to Pizza Inn and the other one wanted to go to Haagen-Dazs. No problem. Go to both places. One day here, one day there. Or give them their independence.
That's a reality. How do you give them their independence? One of the sad realities is we love to control, control. Sometimes in some cultures, the father has to have a say as to when his daughter-in-law must come or go or when she must even, astaghfirullah, be with his own son. What control? Who gave you that authority? I'm the father. You are nothing, man. If that is your attitude, you are probably going to be cast into hellfire. Your status will only come about when you fulfill Allah's instruction to you. The children are now adults. Give them their freedom. Let them do what they have to. They are adults.
You will guide them. But you cannot keep controlling your entire empire. It's not money. No, it's not. These are human beings who are waiting for you to die so that they can lead a life. That's a sad reality. Let them lead their lives. They will give you dua. They might make two or three mistakes. You have made 20 or 30. That's the sad reality. You still want to control.
Marriage and Cultural Issues
The mother-in-law must have the statement of the house. What to eat? When to eat? How to cook? And on top of that, when it is ready, it's not good enough. Why? We can change that. And remember, I might be saying this, but it's not in all homes. I'm only talking about the homes where this applies. Sadly, it's a very big number. A large number of homes.
We force our children to marry whom we want. It is happening in society and community. Recently, I was in the UK. And I tell you, so many people are struggling. Young girls who are of marriage age where the father says, I'm taking you back to this country or that country, and your nikah is going to be in one week, two weeks. To who? You don't worry, it's sorted out. Wallahi, it's happening in the first world countries among the Muslims. Why? It is haram, haram, haram to do this. It's a reality. It's a sad reality. If it's not happening in your midst, thank Allah.
Then, in marriage, we become racist. The child wants to marry someone who comes from across the river, back in the subcontinent, and the answer is, no way. You're crazy. Wallahi, even if they want to marry the darkest person in complexion, if the man has deen and akhlaq, let it happen because it is your duty unto Allah for that to happen. You have to fulfill your role unto Allah. You don't follow your whims and fancies.
The sad reality is we do what we want. You know, culture is something very good, only if it conforms to Islam. The minute it doesn't, throw it out of the window. You will struggle, you will suffer.
Family Gatherings and Unity
Sometimes we want to hold the whole family together. Every function, everyone must be together in one place. I have 12 sons, all 12 are there, with my daughters-in-law, for example, and my children, grandchildren. Everyone is there, every Eid. You don't have to be there every Eid. Sometimes the son wants to take his wife and go to her place. What's wrong? But you're the boss, you're the Firaun. That's what you are. May Allah save us. It's a sad reality. Don't say we're breaking homes. No. Unity is not in being together physically, but rather it is in tolerating one another, respecting one another. That's what we're taught by Rasulullah (peace be upon him).
Have you ever known of an Eid where he told all his children, his daughters, listen, you're coming my place. Otherwise, it's over. But that's what we're hearing in the ummah. Divorces are happening for this reason.
The Power of the Tongue
Where is the tongue today? When the Prophet (peace be upon him) warned us about the tongue:
(Ahmad 23802 - "Control your tongue")
So many times control your tongue. Today the sad reality, we lie, we cheat, we swear, we steal, we divorce. Just like that. What happened to the tongue? This is a sad reality. Let's go back to the path. We are suffering as an ummah because of your tongue. Yes. You don't know how to talk to your folks, to those whom you live with. You have no idea. Why make other people's lives difficult? That's the sad reality. We enjoy it. In the house we enjoy making life difficult. For our relatives, they're related to you. Live and let
The Crisis of Marriage and Divorce
Where are the marriages that were built? And where is the sacrifice that we used to have for marriage? Wallahi today I am called more for divorce arbitrations than for officiation of nikah. Whereas a few years ago, it was the other way around. There were more nikah than talaq. Today I am telling you there is more talaq than nikah. If people get married a year later, you can say, are they still together? MashaAllah. That's what's happening. May Allah forgive us. It's the sad reality. I'm not joking with you. I'm being honest.
Where are the simple weddings? Where are they? They are gone. Because we want to show the whole world. Show Allah that you do it the right way. That's what it is. Simple wedding. No matter how wealthy you are, keep it simple. Because people will follow the trend. Wallahi I know of many families who take haram bank loans in order to give their daughter a marriage they cannot afford. And the marriage is broken before the loan is repaid. Trust me. May Allah forgive us. Don't do that. Not at all. Where is the sunnah? Where is Islam? Where are we who call ourselves the Muslims? Is this not the sad reality? It is wallahi.
Respect for Islamic Scholars
Where is the respect of the ulama? Where is it? Yes, they may make mistakes. It doesn't mean that we don't respect them. When we respect the ulama, we will be able to learn the deen. We will be able to put it into practice. But because he made one mistake, that's it, gone. Half the time it's a rumor. He did not even make that mistake. My brothers, my sisters, like I say, I spoke about the children and the parents. We speak about respecting the ulama and we also want to encourage the ulama to say, keep your respect intact. Be careful. May Allah grant us ease.
A Real-Life Example of Misconceptions
You know, another point of sad reality. As I was driving here, my phone rings. I'm busy following a satellite navigation. You know, the Google Maps. And my phone rings. It's very difficult to answer but it's disturbing. So I answered. A young man, can I ask you a question? What is your name brother? I wish to remain anonymous. Why my brother? I want to ask you some serious questions. I'm thinking now, you know what? Maybe this man might want to ask me something to do with terrorism and with ISIS and so on.
Because you know, we believe that you're not allowed to kill innocent people. We definitely believe that. As muslimin, you're not allowed to harm people for no reason. That is the stumbling block. That is where we differ with a lot of others who might feel otherwise. When I say a lot, it's a small number. But for us, even if it's two or three, it becomes a lot, we should be worried about it. So we do not harm people just because they are not muslim. Due to their faith or inclination, you don't just harm someone. They are your brothers and sisters in humanity. Whether you say yes or no, they still are human beings. They are the creatures of the same Allah who made you. You need to owe them, fulfill their rights. Even if they've chosen differently from you.
So anyway, the brother says, I have to ask you some questions. What is the question my brother? Let's get to the point. You won't believe it. You know what he tells me? Do you love women? Can you believe what I just said? Wallahi, as I was driving here, I told him, yes, why not? Even the Prophet (peace be upon him) loved women. What's wrong with that? If you don't, you're abnormal. May Allah forgive us. If you're talking of haram, that's something else. That's a different topic altogether. If you're talking of shahawat, lust, desires, it's something else. But how can you ask me such a question? No, you love women. I say, so what's wrong? If you're talking of haram, that's another topic. What a silly question. This is the sad reality of the ummah.
I said, anyway, what's your next question, brother? You know what it was? As disgraceful as it is, I'm going to say it here. To show you the sad state of affairs. People, this is what they think that the ulama are there for. What's your opinion on oral sex? Wallahi, I almost fainted.
This happened to me not more than an hour ago. It's the sad reality.
So I told him, brother, you don't know me. You don't have a clue, you haven't interacted with me. Perhaps if you interact with me, if you met me, if you perhaps traveled with me, and maybe I ask Allah to give us that opportunity, you might get to understand who I am. Before you even have such a mind that thinks in this way. Because now I can deduce as a human being, where and how filthy the mind may be, how contaminated it is as a result of shaitan. But I still have hope in the brother. Wallahi, I did not disrespect him. I didn't disrespect him. May Allah grant us ease.
The Importance of Good Assumptions
So this is the sad reality. The way people think of ulama, and I'm not talking about myself alone, I'm giving you a real life example of mine, because it's burning. I feel, look at what a waste of a phone call, that money being given to a sadaqa, to someone else, rather than give it to Vodacom, would have been much more beneficial for your akhira. It might have been the ram that would have got you the tipping of the scales, that was so desperately needed on the day of judgment. It could have been. And here it went. In what? Something that was unnecessary, totally nonsense.
I'm not saying I don't make mistakes, but my brothers, my sisters, go back to the teachings of Islam. Someone makes a mistake, correct them. When you hear something about someone, it's probably rumor. Find an excuse. It's called husn al-zann. That's what we are taught, to think good. But the sad reality is we think the worst. The worst.
Misuse of Divorce
My brothers, my sisters, what's happening in the homes? I can tell you. Two problems. One is, people issue talaqs, like it's no man's business. I'll divorce you. You better what? How can you use it as a threat? Is that what Islam teaches you? Sad reality is happening amongst the Muslims. And then they rattle the words and suddenly rush to the ulama, because they know it's a disaster. What are the ulama going to do for you? What? You are the one who shot all three bullets. And now what?
And the opposite is also correct, where the people are not getting along. It happens sometimes. And we hold back the talaq in order to fix someone, which is also haram. I'll fix you, I'll show you, I'm the man. Who do you think you are? You're the woman. Let me tell you, Islam has given the woman such a rank. Can I tell you what type of rank? Through her dua, your whole world can come upside down. Remember that. It can be turned topsy-turvy, completely gone. You won't know what hit you, your health failed, things started happening, your wealth failed, you became depressed, you became sad, within the space of 2-3 years. Why? You oppressed somebody's daughter.
When the Quran says:
"And do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress"
Never hold back a woman's divorce in order to punish her. The Quran says that loud and clear. Never hold back the divorce of a woman. You know that the marriage is over, but you're holding back in order to punish, in order to be filled with enmity because of the hatred you have. Never do that. It's a reality. But people are doing it and they think Allah is not going to punish them. They think Allah is not watching. They think they're not going to pay a heavy, heavy, heavy price for that.
My brothers, my sisters, go and learn about talaq and divorce. You will know why they are three. After the one, you can reconcile. After the second one, you can reconcile. The problem is when the three are given, then the reconciliation process is a little bit different and more difficult. My brothers and sisters, it's a reality. We are facing disaster.
Business Ethics and Honesty
Where are the honest businessmen? Today, the sad reality is we cheat each other such that we are scared to do business with one another. Frightened. This man, I'd rather do business with a Jewish man because you know what, he'll pay me. Muslim, I don't want. Am I right? This is happening. We'd rather go shop somewhere where there are perhaps people who are unknown to us. We don't trust each other. That's a sad reality.
My brothers and sisters, this needs to change. Let's become honest. Let's live up to the word. Let's improve the image of this deen because we are ambassadors of it. Imagine the ambassador himself or herself is a criminal. What do you think will happen to whatever they are representing? You are representing Islam. Be careful.
The Decline of Prayer and Worship
Go back home, speak with respect, with dignity. Greet the people, talk to them. Remember to make life easy for one another. Fulfill your salah. What has happened to this? How come the masajid are empty? How come? What's going on? Where are the days when we used to fill the masjid? It's a sad reality. Today we have a car, we have fuel, we have the wealth, we have everything, but we're just lazy. What's going on? Hey, Manu is playing Liverpool, dear man. May Allah forgive us. Manu, Liverpool. I don't think you'll be resurrected with a football on the day of judgment.
My brothers and sisters, you can see I'm passionate. You can see I'm trying to express a very very serious message to you. The reason is, you know, we are suffering as an ummah. We've been speaking politely for years on end. And even today, I'm trying my best to be as respectful as possible, but bringing out real life issues. We are struggling.
Technology and Its Impact on Relationships
Our children don't spend time with us because we're busy on our phones. Put them away. Wallahi, put your phone away. Wallahi, I tell you, the phone alone is responsible for a lot of sinful behavior and for the breakage of a lot of relationships that were otherwise brilliant. I swear by Allah that what I've just said is the truth. That's the sad reality. Throw your phone away if you have to. But build your relationships. Cut out the haram.
Marital Intimacy Issues
Why is it that the reality is when it comes to haram, we are so so interested and we become energetic, energized suddenly, full power going into haram, excited. And when it comes to halal, that which Allah has ordained, suddenly we become disinterested. Your wife, may Allah forgive us, I have had a case, not one, but many, where men, for their sexual satisfaction, they go outside the home. Come home, the woman... By the way, that's my wife. Anyway, a year passed, two years passed. Wallahi, three years passed. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. May Allah forgive us.
That is why the hadith says to fulfill that desire of your spouse is a sadaqah. That's what the hadith says. It's a charity. It's an act of worship. The sahaba asked, how? The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, do you know if a man fulfills his desires in haram, will he be sinful? They said, yes. Well, if he fulfills it in this way, then he will definitely be rewarded. Because he did it halal.
So, fulfill people's rights, starting with your own spouse. We need to be embarrassed of the way we behave sometimes.
Hope for the Ummah
My brothers and sisters, there is still hope in the ummah. And I tell you what brings a smile to my face. The fact that we are here to be inspired tonight. Every one of you, may Allah bless you. I am convinced that you have come in order to hear a message that will move you. And I pray that you've been moved in one way or another. Let's learn to love one another for the sake of Allah. Let's learn to appreciate one another. Let's be genuine towards one another. Let's learn the deen and try to put it into practice.
The Danger of Religious Pride
You know, sometimes the more you know, the more pious you become. Shaytan comes to you from a different angle. And you know what he says? Shaytan says, now you are holier than the others. Now you are more knowledgeable than the others. You need to despise them. You need to belittle them. So we start despising and belittling others, thinking that it's because we are now holy. The holier you become, the softer your heart becomes. A sign of the love of Allah is when you start loving the rest of the creatures of the same Allah.
Did you hear that? A sign of the love of Allah, you're becoming pious. You start worrying about everyone. You see a man drunk, and your concern is, Ya Allah, one of your creatures, Ya Allah, protect me from it. Grant him goodness, Ya Allah. And you try and protect him, safeguard him, and try and give him a good word. Sometimes that might not be the moment. You might get another moment. You might have to befriend him first in one way. But don't come and justify evil company by saying, those are just my friends. I'm going to correct them one day.
I had a case where there was a young man on drugs. MashaAllah, big beard. Alhamdulillah, you know, outwardly looking really good. But his family knows what they were going through. And you know what? He tells me, no, no, no. I move around with these guys because Inshallah, I'll give them hidayah one day. I said, my brother, my brother. Never mind, give them hidayah one day. The thing is, they are impacting upon you in such a negative way already. You need to save yourself and move. Because the sharks will bite, the whale will consume. You cannot keep on saying that. So, let's not cheat. You know, you can cheat people, you cannot cheat Allah. You can tell people things, you cannot cheat Allah. Allah will catch you, Allah knows. Allah will come.
A Call for Change
And Allah, all He does, He gives us a chance. We have that chance right now. May Allah forgive our sins. May Allah bless us. And may Allah grant us the ability to be the best of people. Wallahi, when someone interacts with you, any one of you, when someone interacts with you, he or she should immediately pick up that this person is on another level. Immediately. Don't be judgmental. Don't be a person who spreads hate.
Today we spread so much of hate. We become jealous of people for their money. For their knowledge. For a gift that Allah has given them. We become jealous. Become happy. Wallahi, become happy for people. That's an act of worship as well. Be happy at the happiness of another. It's an act of worship. Be sad at the loss of another. Today someone loses something, we say, alhamdulillah, that man deserved it. Well, that's what the whole ummah will be saying about you. If each one says it about each other, you can imagine the condition of the ummah. That's where we are today.
Unity Over Division
I want to end with the last point. My 30 minutes are up. The last point is my brothers, my sisters. Today, we look for any, this is the sad reality, any reason to divide us. And we work on it. And we massage it. And we allow it to grow. And we become more and more divided. Small crack, we chisel into it. And we make it a huge crater. That's what's happening. I encourage you to look for reasons to get together. Rather than looking for reasons to split. The ummah needs to come together.
We will always have differences. Whether it's with our parents, with our children, with our spouses, with our brothers and sisters, with the broader family, with the community. Even as an ummah sometimes, you may be doing things differently from the brothers and sisters we have in Indonesia and Malaysia. They may be doing things differently from brothers and sisters in Arabia. They may be doing things differently from those in the States and those in Europe. Because each one knows what he or she is going through. You may never know the circumstances surrounding why they are doing what they are doing. But they are your brothers and sisters. Treat them that way. If you need to correct, because there's something seriously wrong, be patient. Be patient. And do so in a loving way. Let them feel, before you tell them what's right and wrong, that you are genuine.
You see, when you develop a relationship with someone, whatever you tell them, they will listen to it with open ears. Because you have a relation. But when you don't have a relationship, you phone someone, anonymous call. I want to say this, who are you brother? If you were really bothered, make a relationship, come to me, greet, say things, you say, you know, I just want to say one, two things. After you've known me for five weeks, six weeks, a year maybe, perhaps, you might want to... If I was really in the wrong, wallahi, I would love it that someone told me privately, you know what, this is an issue. And they did not
go and advertise it. Today, we advertise it so badly. And like I said, it's even a lie. So who's destroyed? I'm destroyed. Sad reality.
The Key to Change
So my brothers and sisters, as an ummah, we are calling each other names. We are dividing each other. We are splitting each other. We have wallahi al-azim, I swear by Allah, a thousand things in common, but we will still divide each other due to the ten things we do not have in common. That is where our failure lies. That is where the destruction lies. Where you are looking for reason to divide. When I see you, I say, no, let me find a reason why I don't have to greet you, I can call you a funny name, I can call you a kafir even, istaghfirullah, and I can spit at you, I don't have to reply your salam, let me look for that reason. Why? It's a sad reality. Look for thousands of reasons why I must smile at you and still greet you. I hope that is a message for myself and all of you.
And I hope this message goes far and wide. Because as an ummah, wallahi, what I said tonight, I need it, and you all need it, and we need it as an ummah to develop ourselves. Allah will never change the condition of a nation until each individual does not take it upon himself or herself to change himself or herself.
"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves"
That's the verse. May Allah grant us ease and goodness.
Closing
(Glory be to You, O Allah, and praise be to You. We bear witness that there is no deity except You. We seek Your forgiveness and turn to You in repentance)