Ismail ibn Musa Menk Happily Ever After

A Real-Life Example of Stubborn Opposition

I was faced with a young man who came to me and he told me his whole story. So I met his father, and his father told me - and these people are in a first world country - and his father told me, "Look, I will never ever accept what my son wants. Impossible." I said, "But why?" He said, "You know, she is a Christian." I said, "She is prepared to revert, not for the marriage but for purposes of the deen itself."

And sometimes we have seen people who revert for purposes of marriage, but Allah gives them so much hidayah that they become better than born Muslims. I have seen it with my own eyes.

So I told him, "Brother, can I really speak to your heart? Will you open your heart to listen to what I have to say today?" He says, "No, I respect you a lot." When he said that, I seized the opportunity. I told him, "If you respect me a lot, would you mind if I help you make the decision?" He was quiet because obviously he doesn't know what I am about to say, but it's difficult because he is stubborn on one end.

I told him, "Brother," he agreed after a while. He said, "Okay, whatever you say, we will get it done." I said, "Brother, I have traveled a lot of countries. I have seen many people. And I have seen men who have married men and women who have married women. And I have seen people who claim to be following Islam who also have engaged in that type of so-called nikah. And I have seen so-called imams who have engaged in fulfilling or officiating so-called nikah of so-called people of same sex." May Allah protect us.

I said, "Brother, thank Allah that he wants to marry a woman, not a man." He looked at me and said, "What do you mean?" I showed him three people in his own city. I said, "Do you know these people are lost because they have gone out, abandoned their families in order to get married to a person of the same sex?" He was shocked. He said, "No, you have opened my eyes."

I said, "We do not promote that we leave our Muslim girls and go out. Further, no. But if it does happen that a man wants to marry a woman, thank Allah. We are living in a hostile environment. People are engaged in homosexuality to the degree that Islam would be disgraced."

The Consequences of Stubbornness in Marriage Decisions

As a result, you know, people sometimes in the first world countries, they do not allow you to speak openly about gays and lesbians in a negative way. They don't allow you. In fact, you may be even

blacklisted if you do that. So we have to be very careful how we word it because as Muslims, we do not allow it upon ourselves.

Let's get that clear. We chose to be Muslims. If someone is living, for example, in Britain, they have a choice to be Muslim or not to be Muslim according to the British law, and they have a choice to choose. They have a choice what they want. So if they have chosen to be Muslim, what does it mean? It means through the freedom of the British law, they have imposed on themselves a set of rules and regulations within the rules and regulations of the British law, which now makes them known as a Muslim, which means they have chosen not to engage in gay activity and not to allow it for themselves. So that is through your freedom. You did not allow upon yourself to drink alcohol. So the same way, through your freedom, you did not allow upon yourself to engage in this type of behavior.

So one day I had a man who came to me and he said, "No, no, no, that's still a statement which is unfair." I said, "Okay, let me explain to you. You're a British man." He said, "Yes." "If a man wants to be British and a citizen of Britain, would it be correct for him to say, 'I disagree with the laws of Britain, but I want to remain a citizen. I disagree with the citizenship laws, but I am going to be a citizen'?" It is not correct. He said, "No, he will be stripped of his citizenship or he will not be granted it in the first place." I said, "Well, if a man wants to, through his freedom, say he is a Muslim, then he cannot say, 'I am a Muslim, but I disagree with Islamic rules.' That means you are free to say, 'I am not a Muslim. I am someone else.'" May Allah open our doors.

The Tragic Outcome of Inflexibility

So the point I am raising, my brothers and sisters, is sometimes you will have to adjust your dream regarding the type of person that you want your child to marry. It is their choice. You can guide them, you will try with them, but believe me, you have to somehow give in at some stage if it is a person whom you may not have considered ideal, because sometimes the other option is something which is even worse than what you are disagreeing with. May Allah open our doors.

I know of many parents who refuse their daughters to get married to people they want to marry. Foolishly, allow your daughter to make the mistake and to come back divorced, being your daughter so happy with you, and you will be able to guide her with love. "My daughter, didn't I tell you? Anyway, now you made the mistake. You have come home. We still love you. We embrace you, and we still recognize you as our daughter. But it would have been better if you did not make the mistake." She will say, "Dad, I love you forever for standing by me and for looking after me," instead of saying, "Never ever," and she becomes a person who is an eyesore for you. She becomes depressed because today people become depressed when they cannot marry whom they want to marry.

Our Role in Creating These Problems

And it's our fault. We sent them to the schools. We send them to the various mixed types of educations.

We did this, we did that. We had a place in the mall where we were every week. We did not dress them appropriately when they were young. So as they grew up, they did not want the appropriate dress. We are the ones who placed them in front of the televisions, and we subscribe to the dirtiest of the internet channels or satellite channels and so on. And then we expect our daughters to still have a good Islamic choice of a spouse. Who is the hypocrite? Father of the home - big hypocrite. May Allah protect us. Why? Where are you? What did you allow your daughter to do all along, and now you want to come in and say, "No, I allowed you to become a mango, for example, but now, for example, I want you to be a banana." I'm giving you an example of fruit because just before I entered here, we had a bit of fruit. May Allah grant us goodness. The fruit of Sri Lanka.

So my brothers and sisters, it's not fair. Do you know that when a child is born, Allah gives you almost 100% control over that child? You dress the child, you name the child, you decide when to bathe the child, what the child will eat - all control. Don't say, "I don't have control over my child." Allah said, "I gave you full control when the child was born." That's the time you did not dress the child properly. You never did your own salah. There was no Quran ever played. There was nothing. And slowly, slowly, as the child grows up, one by one, Allah takes away the control of elements from you regarding that particular child.

So when a child is a little baby, you can give the child a rattle - a rattle worth 1 rupee - and it will shake the rattle and smile and laugh with you. Let the child become 5 years old, give them the rattle, they will throw it back at your face: "Dad, are you playing a fool with me? I need an iPhone."

So at a certain stage, you had control over the child. What did you do when you had control over your child? Did you guide the child? This is why I say speak to the child earlier, because today we are losing control earlier.

You can dress your child how you want when the child is 2 years, 3 years. Even if the clothing is torn. Let the child get to 8 years, 9 years: "Dad, I'm not wearing these shoes. Why you make me look like one of those people living in the 1960s? Dad, I need the latest, you know, there's Nike Air where you walk, it bounces, you know." May Allah protect us. Grant us goodness and ease.

My brothers and sisters, don't blame Allah for our failure. May Allah grant us success. So this is why I say sometimes we need to adjust. The reason is, how can we allow or how can we facilitate for our children to live happily ever after when we did not let them marry the person they wanted? Instead, we made them marry someone they did not want.

The Ideal Islamic Approach to Marriage

Now obviously I'm talking of something which is not the ideal. Ideally, Islamically, we need to speak about what should be happening. The parents of the girls and the brothers or the relatives should keep an eye. When they see potential husbands for their daughters or their sisters and so on, they should approach the gentleman or his family, or they should speak to their daughter about it: "We have so and so. We are

trying to - you identify. You speak to them. You let the two meet within the limits of the shariah. And if they would like to take it further, you take it further." It's your responsibility as a male. That is ideal.

And if the daughter says, "No, I'm not too happy," don't be angry. No pressure. "My sister, you have the right." It is haram in Islam to force your daughter to marry whom you want when she does not want. Totally forbidden. It is a major sin, in fact. You cannot do that. It is her choice. She can say no.

At the time of رَسُولُ اللهِ also, there were those who said, "No, I don't want to marry this man," and they were not forced to. It may Allah grant us goodness. The only time we can force someone is if revelation has been revealed to say these two must be married. Then we have no choice. But revelation will not be revealed in the case of us. May Allah grant us goodness.

So in that particular case, maybe she doesn't want to marry the first, the second, the third. You have introduced her to five or ten with respect. And when I say with respect, you can find out from the scholars exactly how that should happen, what type of arrangement. You don't just say, "Okay, pick up my daughter at nine o'clock and bring her back at twelve o'clock." That's not how you meet in Islam. It must be within your presence, in the sense that you are close at hand. The reason is shaitan comes to the boys or the girls sometimes and makes them abuse one another in a way that they are left like used toilet paper without any form of respect, and then they say, "No, I don't want to marry you." May Allah grant us goodness. May Allah grant us really the opening and may He open our doors.

So someone says, "But why can't I get to know him more?" You can. You can get to know him much more. You can meet five times. You can meet more than five times. But the rules of meeting are still the same. You will meet with your chaperone, with your mahram. You will meet with them close at hand. Come to your house or we come to yours - one of the two. Either I come to yours, you come to mine, and we meet with total transparency in the or within reach of your mahram who is right there. May Allah grant us goodness. So no one can fool you, and you talk, you understand how you are communicating, and you may say, "No, you know, this is not really my cup of tea," and with respect, you can turn that down. Turn the next one down, the third one down. No problem. Until the 35th one comes, you might want to say yes. I'm just giving you a scenario that can happen. It has happened. Sometimes one or two people agree. Sometimes they don't agree. Don't worry.

But remember, when you have turned one down, you may not get another one. Remember that. And when you have turned one down, you may not get another one as good as the one you have turned down. So you need to be very careful. And this is why we say, guide your child: "My daughter, how do you feel? How is this man? What is wrong with him? Let's speak about it." "Oh, I don't feel right." "Okay, no problem, let's see." And if they still feel, "We don't want," this is the ideal.

The Reality of Today's Situation

Sadly today, daughter's gone to university. She comes back: "Dad, you are lucky if she tells you." You are

lucky if she tells you. Very lucky. Fortunate. At least you are not heading up the wrong tree, because people are busy looking for someone they don't know that already there is another monkey on the tree. It happens in a lot of cases.

And this is why I salute and respect those children who can openly say, "You know what, Dad, I have done something wrong, and this is what it is." And Dad, you don't just lift up your fist and start fisting your children. No. Understand that you are also responsible. Do not get angry. You need to deal with something that has come into your home. This is when they will be able to live happily ever after.

You know, whilst I'm talking, I see a few elderly people here. My due respect to you. We are now speaking of the age of today. We are not speaking of how it used to happen in your time. We are speaking of how it is happening today. It is a reality on the ground. So please excuse. Sometimes people might feel, "This man was too open, you know. He is encouraging our sons and daughters to do this and that." They are already doing it. So stop blaming me. We know. And this is why, if you see me inshallah, when we grow of age, we will give the platform to younger people so we can learn from them how to tackle our own children. Believe me, it's a crisis. I'm not joking. What is the point of brushing your problem under the carpet completely until one day when that carpet is rolled, you notice that all the dirt is underneath? May Allah protect us. May He grant us happy homes.

Addressing the Marriage Crisis for Older Singles

So my brothers and sisters, I always like to encourage people to listen to their children. Look at the view. What do they have? Who do they want to marry? Sometimes we have our sons or our daughters - more so the daughters - they have arrived at a late age, for example, you know, 30, 35. They are stigmatized in society because they are 30, 35. And sometimes the father just does not budge and he says, "Look, you sort out your life, why?" And sometimes the other women of society stigmatize them to the degree that they are not invited to functions outside. "Now you are well past your sell-by date."

I don't think you really understood what I said there. May Allah grant us goodness. Nobody is well past their sell-by date.

My brothers and sisters, remember, it's your duty, your responsibility. You could be 30, 40, 50. No harm. You need to still actively look for your child for a spouse. And even if you as a male or a female have come across someone whom you may feel is a potential spouse, open your mouth. Without opening your mouth, you are guilty. Believe me. Don't just sit and think that suddenly in your bedroom he is going to really plop out of the ceiling. It's not going to happen. You need to open your mouth. Speak. Say something. Talk to your family. Talk to someone. Get a message across to his sisters or someone. And it is best to work with your family because your family will be able to guide you along. They will need to support you. And if you have a difficulty, speak to the ulama.

And I really plead with those who are slightly older: when you have your children, listen to them. Understand that this is a new generation. Their thinking will not be like yours. And with their children, it is an even newer generation. Their thinking will be even more different. One wonders sometimes. I sit and I'm worried: how are my children going to get married or yours later on? Those who are younger, what will happen to them? We are worried because society is changing rapidly. What was the case 10 years ago is no longer the case today. Life has changed. May Allah grant us goodness.

The Two Essential Qualities in Marriage

So we said two qualities when they come to you, do not deny: the religion of a man and his character and conduct, which makes part of his spirituality. If those two qualities are found in the man - his deen is okay and his character and conduct is okay - he has come and asked for your daughter, your daughter is keen and interested, don't say no for nothing. If you say no, the hadith says there is going to be great chaos on earth.

What happens? Suddenly the jinn gets into your daughter's head or sometimes the boy. Sometimes he might find someone else, but the daughter suffers more. She suffers much more because something that was close at reach, you know, Dad has blocked it. Mom has blocked it. It's something, and she would suffer a lot.

And there is no shortage of women. There is a shortage of good men. Believe that. There is a shortage of good men. And I plead with all the youth who are here: become good men. We don't want men. We want good men. Responsible. Those who know marriage is about really getting together with someone who is suitable to be the mother of your children so that you can continue the plan of Allah. What is the point of having children in number who are worshipping Shaitan? Rather have children who are worshipping Rahman. May Allah grant us goodness.

So this is why the youth remember: your bad habits like smoking, drugging, clubbing, pornography, wasting time on the telephone - and you know I sit here in Sri Lanka because of the time difference, sometimes it's difficult to fall off to sleep because time difference of various countries and where I come from and so on. Sitting and you see the world in Colombo is online at 3 in the morning. 3 in the morning someone messages you back. But here in Colombo it's 3 o'clock. Brother, you are not from Africa. You are supposed to be asleep. No, I'm just covering my back as to why I was awake.

My brothers and sisters, what a beautiful relation we have. Look, we are muslimin. We are talking about our deen. We are talking of crises that are facing society today. The youth, leave your bad habits. You need really to be a good man so that you are able really to rear the champions of the ummah of tomorrow. May Allah grant that to us.

And the same applies to the sisters. Sometimes we get caught up and hooked on to, you know, Facebook and Twitter and this man and that man and using it wrongly. You see, it's like a knife. You can either use it

in the correct way, or you can use it in the wrong way. More so people are using it in wrong. This is why if someone were to ask me, I would tell you I strongly discourage Facebook and Twitter and this social network. Strongly discourage. You might say, "Well, why are you found there?" Well, go and see how we use it. If you are using it in the same way, then perhaps you might want to revise that ruling. May Allah grant us goodness.

But if you are using it to socialize, "Hello, and how are you?" I know of a case - and I'm going to say it bare - where there was a man who put a false image of someone else on his profile and he lured a young girl who was in her teenage to the degree that he flew across the ocean to meet her in a certain country, and yet he was 65 years old, a man with a totally false identity. May Allah protect our sisters, our daughters and our sons as well.

And this is why we say, you know, actually a credit you have - you have borrowed something, it is going to be recompensed within your family members. You need to remember this, and this is something that has been said by the scholars of a fore time. Engage in tawbah. You can stop that. That's the beauty. They say if you fiddled with someone's daughter, someone is fiddling with your daughter. You better engage in tawbah so that nobody messes around with your children. Remember this. Don't think that when you do something, it does not have a reaction. As you do to others, so it shall be done to you, unless you engage in tawbah and you ask Allah's forgiveness and you mend your ways and your habits.

So remember this: today we are facing a crisis in society because the man who is angry at what his daughter is trying to do is already himself involved with three other women illicitly. It's happening in society. And then we want to live happily ever after. It cannot work that way. May Allah forgive us, grant us goodness, and open our doors.

The Sacred Nature of Marriage

So as we were saying, that the religion is important and the khuluq is important - character and conduct. Then what will happen inshallah? We will support our children. We will live happily with them. We inshallah begin now. I will mention a few pointers of how it is that the marriage itself should be handled so that we can achieve the mercy of Allah.

I tell you why. Marriage is not just a joke. It's not just a social sort of a thing that happened. No. It is a sacred union, and Allah has said keep it in your masjid. It is best for you to have it in the masjid, the house of Allah, because you are going to mention the name of Allah. There are several verses that will be read, and you will see those verses in a few moments. I will inshallah go through them, and it is important for us to know that the house of Allah is that which has the greatest blessing in it.

So your nikah, firstly, don't delay it. Do not delay nikah unnecessarily. Once nikah is ready, the two parties are happy, get that nikah done so that any relation that happens between them thereafter happens in a way that is permissible. Remember that.

Sometimes people say, "No, my daughter is engaged." "Brother, three years later." "Your daughter?" "No, she is engaged." "Brother, three years have passed. She had two abortions in the process. Do you know that?" I am not joking. I am serious. My parents, you don't know what we know. They come to us for help when they cannot talk to you. I know. We cry when we see the children of the good people sometimes - people we know, and they come to us: "You know what, I have this problem and that problem." "But sister, you are engaged to the man. How could this have happened?" "You know, my father told me you cannot marry now. You are still studying. My, my, my." May Allah forgive us really.

Brothers and sisters, open your eyes. See what is going on. Ask the people what is happening. If you think we are not living in an era of hyper sexuality, you are dreaming. You are living in a dream world. We are living in the dirtiest society up to this age. There has never ever been a more hyper sexual society than ours. Believe me. Everything out there is about sex. And I am saying this because I have to fulfill my duty as a scholar of Islam to explain to the people what is going on out there and how we are heading in the wrong direction because we are living with blinkers. We don't even know what's happening.

Ask your children in the universities what's going on. If you have a good link with them, they will inform you. Ask them. Tell them. "What is happening?" Or ask what is happening in the malls or in the shopping centers or at the workplace. You know, you can be the best and the most pious - yes, if Allah has granted you protection, you will always be protected. May Allah grant us goodness.

There are people amongst us, and I'd like to hope that the bulk of us seated here pure, good people by the will of Allah. You know how difficult it is to remain on that path? You know how easy it is to sin today? It is easier to sin than it is to abstain from it. It is easier to abandon your hijab than it is to don it. It is easier to leave your salah than it is to fulfill it. That is because the environment has made it so difficult to engage in that which is correct. But my brothers and sisters, this is why I say do not delay nikah. It's not just my statement. It is a teaching that has come to us from the best of creation. Don't delay it.

And at the same time, do not make it difficult in any way. We already spoke about the mahr, the dowry, or whatever else it is. Either way, don't be too demanding, and do not become a person who really makes it tough on their sons and daughters to get married, because in that particular case, we will be held accountable in the eyes of Allah. Why is it that you as a parent did this to your own daughter? You doomed her. You punished her. And this is what you did to your son. You made him, you really made him leave the deen in totality.

It brings me to one example, living example, where there was a young boy whose father was being so tough with him that - listen to this - he wanted to marry someone who was ready to revert, so his father told him, "No, not over my dead body. What am I going to tell my friends and society? My brothers and my sisters, my this, my that." "Brother, izzah is from Allah. Your status is from Allah. If you had embraced this, it was going to be much better." So you can explain to your friends and your family: "Look, you know, I tried my best, but today's society, you know, sometimes the children are doing their own thing,

and we have to try our best." (سَدَّدُوا وَقَارِبُوا - saddidu wa qaribu) "To make the most of what it is and to guide them as best as possible, and, you know, we will see how best they can manage." But instead of that, this father chose to say, "Over my dead body."

So what did the son do? He asked for help from some of the scholars and so on, and sometimes there is a limited amount of help you could actually offer because if a man is being stubborn, you cannot really win. So after some time, he converted and left the fold of Islam and gone. Why? Because to him the child was lost, and the father is still proud of his action: "I don't mind if he became a non-Muslim, but at least nothing happened against my will." And he told his family members, "You know, your children, if they want to do the same thing, you should also engage in this type of thing." How? The man - the woman was ready.

So I had an opportunity to address this young boy. And when I spoke to him, he told me something that is really a question of the age. When I say question of the age, I mean sometimes the mind starts asking these questions. He said, "You know, this woman is such a good woman that I married. She has so many good characters and conduct. She told me, 'I'm ready to do anything.' You know, I explained to her about the little I know about Islam, and she was ready. And then what happened is when my father and my parents said no, and everybody disagreed, and they, you know." The mother, he says, "My mother didn't really mind, but she has to follow what my father says." So after some time, I - they questioned me. Her parents - to say, "Look, we were all okay for our daughter to, you know, to enter the fold of Islam. Now if he is not going to enter the fold of Islam, then why don't you enter our faith?" So he said, "Yeah, it makes sense." You see, he said, "It makes sense. If they refuse, I will not refuse. You people are not refusing."

So he says that is what made him turn. Now look at this. The young boys of today, this is the logic they are using. They will not tell you Islam is correct and Islam believes in all the previous messengers and Islam Allah is one. Even the father perhaps doesn't read salah correctly, but he was proud with his action. May Allah forgive that man. Really, we tried very hard, but to be honest with you, it is only Allah who can bring people back.

That's why I say it is foolish. Sometimes you might lose your child totally. Rather you lose them 20%. Like I said, you know, moments ago, and this is very true. I've said it here in Colombo in the past, and I want to repeat it. We have instances where people come and say, "You know, Sheikh, there is a jinn. My daughter has a jinn." We say, "Okay." So the daughter says, "I see stars at night. I hear voices. You know, this is what happens when I go this way. I see a shadow like this that happens, that happens." I know default this girl could not marry the man she wanted to marry, and so she is seeing stars because now she is not eating, now she is not drinking, now she is seeing things, now her life is coming to a mess and so on.

Or sometimes it is connected to diet - diet meaning, you know, because someone told her, "You are too fat. You know, you are not good looking," so she stops eating. So there is no protein, no minerals, no

vitamins, no nothing in the body. So she starts seeing stars. The blood pressure is low, and she starts, you know.

So you tell her two or three things. Firstly, you say, "You know, jinn does not like a person who is very strong, you know, good." You know the hadith says:

(Sahih Muslim 2664)

Believer who is strong - and strong both meaning in your belief and even physically - is more loved by Allah than one who is weak in belief and weak physically. Intentional physical weakness is something that is wrong. Do you know that? If you are physically weak and you are doing nothing about it, that is wrong Islamically also. It is wrong.

So anyway, you tell them to have their dairy products and their red meat and so on within a certain limit, and suddenly the jinn is gone. That was not a jinn. That was just your diet. And sometimes you ask them a straight up question: "Are you married?" "No." "Do you want to marry a particular person?" They keep quiet. Father is sitting there. That's the problem. He is the disaster. That is the jinn. The father is the jinn. Allah protect us and grant us ease. May Allah open our doors.

You know, I am speaking from a lot of experience. I am not joking with you. A lot of experience. We know what goes around. So you find your child is very sick and ill. Sometimes it is because of some form of imbalance within the home - not necessarily in the mind, but imbalance in the house. Then causes an imbalance in the brain. Then when your child becomes totally mental, requiring medication for the rest of their lives, who are you going to blame? It was simple for you, but you made it tough on yourself.

Look at how today we have only started speaking, but we are speaking so much of reality on the ground because this is why we do not live happily ever after. Wife, after ten years, tells the husband, "I never ever wanted to marry you. Do you know that? But it took you ten years to tell me." And husband says, "Guess what? I was also forced." "What is the point?" Their parents are foolish. Man is telling his wife after so many years, "I was forced. I didn't want to marry you." And the woman is saying, "I didn't want to marry you." So who is responsible for not allowing the couple to live happily ever after? And at the same time, there are three couples that are saying the same thing to each other because that man, the one he wanted to marry, is telling the same statement to her husband. And that woman, the one whom she wanted to marry, is telling the same statement to... May Allah grant us goodness.

This is called - this is why the hadith says if you are not going to allow that marriage, there will be great chaos and fitna on earth. All marriages are breaking up today. When people get married, we need to ask, "So when is it breaking?" Because more marriages - I was thinking that more marriages are breaking than happening. So someone might say, "But that can't be the case." It can be the case because this year, if there have been 200 marriages and 300 divorces, those of last year are also divorcing now. As time is progressing, there are people who are unhappy in marriage.

If I were to tell you, my brothers and sisters, without exaggeration, that more than half of us sitting here have a problem at home, I don't think I would be lying. I'm sorry to say this. I'm very sorry. I apologize in advance. I might be wrong, but according to what I know, I think I've worded it carefully. I'm not saying that you are breaking or your marriage is broken, but we do not have a problem at home? I don't think so. I think more than half of us would admit, if we had to, that we have a problem at home. Why? Because of something. What is the thing? Ask yourself.

The Three Verses of Khutbatul Haja

The day you were married and you said, "Yes, I accept her as my wife," the name of Allah was used. The verses were read. You don't even know the meaning of those verses up to today, and you led your life in a way that was not in that direction. So today you are sitting with a problem. Sin actually reduces the chances of living happily ever after. When you want to sin and you do not want to be responsible, you will reduce the chances of living happily ever after. And when you were married, you were so happy. Are you as happy as you were that day today? If the answer is no, what went wrong? Diagnose it. Change it.

Let me quickly read for you the three verses that are read in khutbatul haja, which is often repeated when it comes to nikah.

The First Verse

The first one:

O people, Allah starts by saying, "O people" - the beginning of Surah An-Nisa. Be conscious of your maker, your Rabb, your nourisher, cherisher, sustainer, provider. Be conscious of the one who is in absolute control of every aspect of your existence, which means develop your taqwa. "O people, be conscious of your maker, the one who created you from a single soul" - who is Adam - "and from it He created Hawwa. He created its spouse. And from the two of them, He caused a multitude to spread on the earth." From the two of them. "Fear Him" or "be conscious of Him" and understand you are answerable to Him. Allah says (وَاتَّقُوا الله - wattaqullah) "And be fearful of Allah. Be mindful of Allah. Be conscious of Allah" (الَّذِي تَسَاءَلُونَ بِهِ - alladhee tasaa'aloona bihi) "the one whose name you use when you are asking one another or you want someone to believe you, or you want to believe them. You want them to use the name of Allah."

This verse is making mention of how sacred the name of Allah is. Be conscious of that Allah whose name you consider so sacred. And be conscious of the wombs. What's the meaning of the wombs? The female, the women - your mother, your sister, your wife, your daughter. Be conscious of them and their right over you. Are you fulfilling it or not? And Allah says, "Allah is very, very watchful over you" - someone who is watching very carefully, taking note of that which is going on. So behind closed doors, watch out how

you treat your women. Be careful - your mother, your daughter, your wife, your spouse - meaning your sister and so on. Be careful. Allah says, "I am watching." And Allah is all-watchful. That is the first verse.

Allah is warning us to say be careful. The womb that gave birth to you and the womb that gave birth to your children. I want to stop there for a moment. Today we look for any reason to break the marriage. Do you know that? Any problem, we look. We look for that which will make us part ways. Why is it that our fathers and the previous generations lasted longer? Because they did the opposite. What did they do? They looked for the smallest reason to hold the marriage together. That's the difference. We look for the smallest reason to break it.

We have stopped helping our spouses through a problem. We rather opt out of the problem. That is a crisis. You will never live happily ever after. You caught your husband doing something wrong. Two things immediately today they would say, "I'm going home. I want a divorce. Out. Why? Because one thing went wrong. The man made a mistake. Something happened. He fell into the trap of shaitan, and now the house must be broken." That is stupidity and foolishness, it really.

If a house was supposed to be broken for a mistake of a man or a woman, all our houses would be broken by now. Every one of them. Tell me, who has not made a mistake here? Obviously, mistakes are of a different nature. We are not talking of certain types of errors that are sometimes perhaps beyond a certain limit. No. But we are talking of errors and mistakes. Sometimes things do occur.

A while back, when the spouse made a mistake, the wife would say, "Look, this is very bad. I will not, you know, expose you to others. I will try and help you. You need really to stop doing this." And she bore not only patience - because nowadays the young girls don't like the word sabr. Sometimes young boys and girls, you tell them, "Make sabr," they say, "You are one of those mullahs who came from Afghanistan. What do you think, man? We must sit and make sabr." Well, to be honest with you, there are people in the western world who also make sabr. May Allah grant us goodness.

Sabr is a beautiful word. Allah calls it beautiful: (اصْبِرْ صَبْرًا جَمِيلاً - isbir sabran jameela) "Bear patience, a beautiful patience." (Quran 70:5) So instead of bearing patience, what they want, they don't want to bear patience anymore. Small thing, and it's gone. May Allah grant us goodness.

As I was saying, a while back, a problem happens, they would help each other through the difficulty. I know of cases, and I'm sure your parents and grandparents whose financial condition was so bad that they did not have a house which was decent to live in, but the marriage did not break. Today, you don't have a washing machine at home. She says, "I want to go home. I need a divorce. Why? You think I'm going to wash? She's a princess, brought up being called 'my princess' by her father. Now she's not used to lifting one spoon. One spoon, I can't. Why? Where is the servant? Otherwise, I'm going home."

This is why we tell those who are wealthy - may Allah grant you baraka in your wealth - remember, do not allow that wealth to create a standard of daughter who will not be able to be a wife of someone else.

Remember this, because when you have brought up a princess, you can only get her married to a king. Remember that. And as I told you, there is a shortage of kings. So what will happen? She will go, and she will say, "In my father's home, I never cooked." So now you are sitting back.

My fathers and mothers who are here today, let me explain. Even if you are from a good home that Allah has blessed with wealth, get your daughters trained to do the certain duties that they may have within the home. That is what it is. And I don't even want to get into the debate as to should she cook in the house or should she not cook. What is this? Look, when there is a role to be fulfilled, you fulfill it. We have not got to a point where we want to argue and we want to mix and we want to do this and that.

In Islam, we believe that men and women are equal - equality in terms of spirituality. But physically they are different. Emotionally they are different. And their roles that they need to play in terms of their gender is absolutely and totally different. We believe this. And the whole world agrees with it. And I have told you in the past in this city that there are loos that you will find even outside this hall. There is a picture of a man and a woman which says this toilet is for males and that is for ladies - gents and ladies. Why do they have separate toilets? Because they admit and they agree that the people are different. Physically they are different. Emotionally they are different.

And to be honest with you, I, when I entered one, you know, public loo in one of the airports, I was shocked because two men entered holding hands. I said, "This is more dangerous than having a loo which is mixed." When you see two men holding hands, hugging each other, entering the loo, you are supposed to be worried. They should have a separate toilet for those type of people. May Allah grant us protection. This is society, and these are things we have seen. And sometimes they are hidden from the eye of the innocent. Sometimes you have an elderly person. He's never seen those things. He's not bothered. He doesn't know how the internet works and so on.

I am surprised. I want to tell you, Sri Lankans are some of the most advanced when it comes to the internet. Believe me, very advanced. Indians and this part of the world, completely. You will find everybody, you want to get a message across, one little tweet, the dunya knows about it. It's a fact. May Allah safeguard us.

So this is why, my brothers and sisters, we say and we repeat and we reiterate, we need to make dua to Allah. We need to ask Allah for guidance and ask Allah to open our doors. The verse that I read, the first verse of that khutbah, Allah is warning us: watch out how you treat your women. Look at what happens. Like I said, do not break your marriage because of one thing or two things or five things. No. Your duty is to work hard.

I know of cases, and I'm sure you would - like I said, your parents and grandparents perhaps they did not even have proper homes, and yet your grandmothers and mothers lived with them. That is when you were born, and that is how you grew up without shoes. Today, if your husband cannot afford a shoe and

your husband has lost his job, people say, "I'm going home. Why? Because my lipstick you can't afford anymore." May Allah safeguard us.

And I think in some societies it's the other way around. Man sitting back at home, relaxing. He says, "I'm divorcing you. Why? You're not bringing enough money into the home." Look at how the world has become upside down. The world has become upside down. So we need to be careful.

Remember, look for something small that will hold your marriage together. Do not look for something small that will break your marriage. How they lived happily ever after was they helped each other through their crises and problems. They bore patience for eight years, for ten years, for fifteen years. After that, they lived happily ever after. Without that patience and without correcting one another, without accepting correction, you may never ever live happily ever after because there will come a time when you will be completely lost.

Remember, the sweetness of the fruit of patience that was born for eight years is so sweet that it will last eighty years and even beyond. Sweetness of sabr and patience is something that is really - it needs to be tasted in order to be understood.

So I call on the young boys and girls of today, those who are married: remember, your spouse has one weakness. Work with him. Try and help him or her, and try and, you know, learn to forgive. That's something big. We spoke about it yesterday. When you hold a grudge, it's excess baggage. And it is. If you learn to forgive, you will appreciate your life happily ever after.

Why we say this? Today, when your son - listen to this point - when your son or your daughter does something major that is wrong, you are ready to forgive them. But when the father of that son or daughter does the same thing wrong, you are not ready to forgive them. But he is the father. He was there before the child. Do you follow? And with the mother as well. Your daughter did something wrong, you can forgive her. But the mother of your daughter did the same thing wrong: "I can't forgive her." But she was there before that one. In fact, the daughter was a result of the union between you and the mother of that daughter. May Allah protect us.

I am saying this just to make us think. It is not necessary for us to just bear sabr when we really cannot endure it anymore. No. Islam comes to your help and says, "No, there are certain cases when divorce is really only the option that you have right now." That we know. We are not denying that. But today we are talking of happily ever after. If divorce happens to be the only choice out of a specific issue, then that will be the way, and perhaps that will grant you a life happily ever after. But today we are talking about growing in marriage, not growing in divorce.

The Second Verse

The second verse, Allah says:

"O you who believe, be conscious of the Almighty as He is meant to be" - meaning according to His level. Be conscious of Him according to His level. Obviously, that is something very difficult. "And do not die except in the condition of submission," which means lead your whole life in the submission of Allah. You will be happy if you lead your life in the submission of Allah. You will be happy because Allah has the solution to your problems, and Allah has laid rules and regulations to help you avoid any problems whatsoever.

If you understand the plan of Allah, you have the knowledge of the deen, you have abstained from what Allah has asked you to abstain from, and you have thanked Allah, you have engaged in what He has asked you to engage in, in that case, even if something happens in your life that others would consider negative, for you it is a win-win situation.

Now this verse is read khutbatul haja. It is that important khutba which was repeated by Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم so many times. A lot of us don't even know that we are supposed to be in submission. And from this verse, we can also pause for a moment, and we can learn a lesson that, my brothers and sisters, when you engage in sin, your marriage cannot work as such. You cannot guarantee yourself the happily ever after title. You cannot. Why? Because you are engaged in sin. Who owns that happily ever after title? Who can give it to you? Allah. So if you are in transgression, if you are against the commands of Allah, do you think that will happen?

Sometimes you might be very happy. Your spouse is excited. You are excited. You live for 30 years. The problems come after your child grows old. Then the problem comes. Sometimes your grandchild can cause distress for you. May Allah protect us. May He make us from those who can be the coolness of the eyes of our parents, and may He make our offspring the coolness of our eyes.

So this is why we say don't sin. When you sin, you have reduced the chances of living happily ever after.

The Third Verse

The third verse - the third verse I would like to think in terms of marriage is one of the most important verses:

"O you who believe, be conscious of Allah" - look, this has repeated itself for the fourth time now: two times in the first verse, once in the second verse, and once in the third verse. Be conscious of Allah. "And only utter that which is upright." Your tongue.

99% of problems in marriage are connected to the wrong use of the tongue - abuse of the tongue or not occupying the tongue with that which is beneficial. So the tongue, the Quran says - and this verse is

repeated even in the khutba of nikah, khutbatul haja. It is repeated in that, and the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم used to repeat it a lot.

If you know how to use your tongue, you can save a marriage. Praise your wife. Talk to her. Say good words. Or your husband. Tell them how good looking they are. Tell them how you appreciate their sacrifice for you.

My brothers and sisters, marriage is about sacrifice. The more you have sacrifice, the more you will win the heart of your spouse. Sometimes even if they don't like you that much because of a word you might have uttered or a mistake you might have made, your sacrifice will act as a soothing cream over that particular gash that might have been caused, and very soon the mark will be gone. Why? Because you say, "You know, I appreciate you. Really, you have sacrificed. You have given birth to so many of my children and so on. And you have done this and you have done that." You appreciate.

Because there comes a point in the life of man when he realizes that allegiance is with the one who has sacrificed for him all along. What this means is some people, as they're growing up, you know, they're interested in this one and that one. "But brother, you are married." They're interested still in that one, this one here, good looking, this person, that person good looking, and so on. And, you know, "That person is very eloquent, and this person is like this and like that." But there comes an age when they realize, "You know what? My wife is the best. Why? She cooked for me. She cleaned for me. She has my children. She stayed awake with those children. She brought them up. She did this, she did that. She tried her best. She is religious. She is trying to please Allah. She is at the same time this and that. She might be 7 kilos overweight. So what? Even if she is 70 kilos in total, we don't mind." May Allah grant us goodness.

Why? Because you realize that now you're old. You cannot continue following these little small models of the age. Like we said yesterday and the day before, it's not like you're going to get them anyway. And even if you want them, they will not want you. Perhaps they might want your money, and they might want something for a little while. And after that, they are also finding someone