Ismail ibn Musa Menk Dealing with life s struggles 2018

Dealing with Life's Struggles

Mufti Menk - 2018

Opening and Praise

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim, alhamdulillah, wassalatu wassalamu ala rasulullahi wa ala alihi wa ashabihi ajma'in. We praise Allah upon all conditions. We send blessings and salutations upon all the messengers who came, sent by the Almighty from the beginning right up to now, those who were sent by Allah, ending with Muhammadsalallahu alayhi wa sallam.

We ask Allah to bless them. We ask Allah to bless their companions and to bless every one of us, to keep us steadfast on the deen and to help us during trying times and the struggles and challenges that we do face in our own lives, the unique challenges that we face. May the Almighty help us through them and create ease for every one of us. Ameen.

The Importance of Knowing Yourself

My brothers and sisters, my children, I really, really, once again, want to declare my happiness to be standing in front of you and to deliver a talk that's not going to be too long and then inshallah, I'd like to open for questions and answers by the will of Allah based on the topic inshallah.

Now, you and I know that as believers, we do believe that we are on earth for a purpose and sometimes we don't understand what that purpose is and some people actually debate that there is a purpose. Some people debate. Now, when you're studying within a university, you're going to meet people of different faiths, different inclinations, people of no faith, people who will be very, very different, diverse in their thinking. It's a period of growth.

You will learn a lot. You will actually learn a lot by interaction, but you will drown if you don't know who you are, if you don't know what you stand for, if you're not proud of what you actually are. And when I say proud here, we're talking of happy, not arrogant.

Standing Firm in Your Identity

You know, when I'm proud to be a Muslim or I'm proud to be, you know, a part of this beautiful institution, it doesn't mean I'm arrogant to be part of it. It means I'm happy to be part of it. I'm happy to be a Muslim.

So, if you don't know yourself, who you are, you will drown. I've seen people drowning. But if you know and you have the confidence because of the knowledge that you have regarding who you are, what you stand for, then you will stand in a way that is filled with humility, with humbleness, but with goodness.

So your character is very, very apparent. It's very clear to everyone. But you know that you stand tall in what you believe, in what you actually are.

Dealing with Criticism and Negativity

You won't compromise in order to please people that which is actually required of you or that which is good within you, just to fit in. And people do that because of pressure. So rather than let that pressure affect you in a way that you've given up your goodness, there should be strength to the degree that others are inspired by that goodness.

I have been called all sorts of names during my travels, sometimes when I'm walking, and I'm sure it's happened to a lot of us, you know, especially with the size of beard I have.

You get called names, you get called things, but if you prove them wrong, they actually wake up. They actually, and not in a nasty way, because the way the world teaches us at times and our friends sometimes, that you know when someone swears you, you swear them back. I promise you, as a Muslim, when someone swears you, when someone harms you, when someone slaps you, what to do? It's a difficulty, it's a problem, it's an issue.

The Art of Proper Response

You do not snap back, you first think. You think of the best solution. You think of what needs to be done in order to deal with the situation.

If someone slaps you and they give you one and two, and you find that, you know, the best response is to slap them back, you may do so. It's right, Islam doesn't teach you that if someone slaps you on the cheek, you give the other, because at times, they might give you two or three or four slaps, both cheeks, everything will happen. So, but if they slapped you, you need to think, you know, what am I, why did they slap me, number one, this has to happen quickly sometimes, and number two is what am I going to do in order to make them from among those who believe that what they did is wrong, because that's more important than slapping back.

If you have someone who called you a terrorist, and that happens a lot, how you react might just prove, they say, yeah, there you go, that's exactly what I was saying. So, don't react, it's something that happens to a lot of people, if someone calls you a dog, does it make you a dog, woof, woof, suddenly, no, it doesn't.

Respecting Others' Freedom

So, when I see brothers and sisters, and when I see people, even people of other faiths, who want to show that I belong to this faith, for example, you've got to respect that. You have to respect it, because the same freedom, and this is something that a lot of Muslims don't understand, the same freedom in these countries, the same freedom that has allowed you to practice your faith, allows them to practice something totally opposite, which they think is correct. You've got to understand this.

Every faith, every religion, everyone believes they are right. You speak to a Jewish brother or sister, he or she will tell you, you know what, I believe I'm right. They may even believe, you know, deep down, these people are going to hell.

The Purpose of Our Creation

Now, let me get into the struggles of life. What happens in life? Like I said, a sign that we are here to be tested by the Almighty, according to the Islamic belief and according to the verses of the Quran, Allah says:

"We're going to definitely test every single one of you." And then He gives a whole list of things that He's going to test you with, hunger and fear and, you know, so many other things He's put in the list and even more. And then He tells us also that He has created us in order for us to worship Him.

I have not created mankind or jinkind except that they worship Me.

Understanding True Worship

So, what does that mean? Because nowadays, I've had young people come up to me say that doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. I mean, why would the Almighty make us to worship Him? What does He need us for? Well, He wants us to do something, but we haven't understood the meaning of the term worship.

Worship doesn't mean you remain in constant prayer 24-7. Worship doesn't mean that, you know, you've got to keep your tongue moist in the remembrance of Allah. Worship doesn't mean that you've got to be reciting the Quran throughout the day and night, and you've got to be fasting every day and so on. Worship simply means following what the Almighty wants of you. That's it.

Staying away from prohibitions. For example, if I am so inclined to committing a sin, and I just held myself back because I would like to protect myself from earning the anger of the Almighty, that's worshipping Allah. When you've stopped yourself from doing something wrong and harmful, from pinching, stealing, deceiving, and so on, you've actually worshipped the Almighty.

Life as a Test

So, I spoke this afternoon at Masjid-ul-Quds, the Jumu'ah, and I made mention of how summer and winter is evidence that the Almighty has created us for a test. One might ask, how? Because if it wasn't a test, everything would be uniform, good, sweet, smart.

When it's too hot, what are you going to do? Are you going to look after this body that the Almighty has given you? By perhaps turning on a fan, perhaps doing something to give it a bit of comfort, because to give comfort to yourself is not just giving comfort to yourself, but the body that the Almighty has given you to look after it, to take care of it, is actually worship.

How We React to Tests

And we're going to give you a lot of comfort. We're going to let you earn a lot more than you expected. Are you still going to be close to us? You're still going to worship? You're still going to, you know, be a person of great character, great conduct? Yes, yes, I am.

Well, in that case, you passed your test. Because people get, at times they forget. When we get, we forget. When we get what? When we get success or, from a materialistic perspective, wealth, when we get goodness, we forget the one who gave us the goodness. That's what happens to some. While others, the more they get, the closer they get to the Almighty.

And then, the opposite is also correct, where sometimes when things are taken away from us, we become closer to the Almighty. It's a fact. You know, when people suffer a loss, one after the other, sometimes they get closer to God Almighty, to Allah.

Universal Nature of Struggles

So, number one, we all have struggles. We will all go through struggles. We have to. None of us seated here and none of us who are going to here, there's none of us on earth, not a single person on earth can say, I've never struggled. Never. Everything's been as per my wish. Never. Impossible.

Because if things were as per my wish or yours, we wouldn't even die. We wouldn't die. A lot of us wouldn't die, besides those who want to get to heaven quite quickly.

Life as a Game Analogy

I was explaining it to a group of children and I told them, you know when you play a game? When you're playing a game. Nowadays, the gaming is actually very, very addictive. We have a lot of people who are so hooked on to it that they lose track of real life around them. But anyway, when you're playing your game, say for example, it's a car game.

What do you do? You keep playing and you try your best not to lose a life. You get three lives. You try your best not to lose a life. You keep playing, you keep playing. You don't just say, right guys, you know I'm tired. Boom, boom, boom. One, two, three, gone and you lost. You weren't serious about it. You've lost, you've actually lost.

Wallahi, I tell you in life, you need to protect your life because we don't have three chances. We've just got one. We've just got one.

The Size of Your Problems

Your problem is as big as you want it to be. Your issue is as big as you want it to be. Some people have a very, very small issue. Like what happened with the microphones earlier on, they would bring the roof down. I promise you, they would have a meeting and have really an investigation into what went wrong. Kind of relax, it was just a little, it was something minor, come on, so small, it was actually a blessing in disguise.

You lose, you miss your flight. I, because of my travels, I've seen how people react to the missing of flights. And some of them, really, they scream and yell, the flight's gone, come on, it's over, it's in the air. It's not like it's going to come back for you. Now it's all about what you're going to do next.

Dealing with Relationship Issues

Sometimes, and this happens in relationships, you know, it's something that we need to address, perhaps on a different occasion. When you have a relationship, and I'm talking here of a permissible relationship, your spouse, for example. You know, you've lived for 10 years, 15 years, and one or two things have gone wrong minor. Then suddenly, after 15 years, one big thing goes wrong.

The first thing that comes to a lot of people's minds today is just end the marriage. Come on, 15 years, one mistake, that's like nine and a half out of 10. Come on, man.

Making Decisions During Difficult Times

Something happened. You might want to walk away for a while to breathe a little bit, to let the dust settle, to see how you feel. And then, depending on how serious the matter is, you make a decision in 30 days, in 60 days, for example.

Taking Responsibility

Surrender to the decree of the Almighty when you haven't had a role to play in what has happened. When you have, yes, you will surrender, but with accountability. What's the difference? If someone bumped into me, I'm going to surrender to the decree of the Almighty and deal with it in the best possible way. It's a problem. It's a struggle. But if I bumped into someone, yes, I surrender to the decree of the Almighty, but I need to correct myself.

Learning from Mistakes

When you blame yourself, when something you have done has resulted in something, you take stock of it. You draw yourself closer to the Almighty. You actually become a person who's rectified that so that it's not repeated again. And yes, you do blame yourself, but only to the degree that you can develop yourself and not to the degree that you destroy yourself.

Why? When you blame yourself, the devil comes in. Shaytan comes in and starts making you blame yourself beyond the limit, to the degree that you're now depressed.

The Role of Messengers

Even the messengers of the Almighty who came to us, the Prophet Jesus may peace be upon him, Muhammad may peace be upon him, Musa alaihi salam, Moses may peace be upon him. What was their duty? Their duty? The duty of the messenger was only to convey, convey the message. It's up to us to consider, to ponder, to think.

Struggles Draw Us Closer to Allah

So the struggles we have, they should draw us closer to the Almighty, number one. People always say, you know, you're struggling in life. I think the Almighty doesn't like you. Have you heard that? More than that, we begin to think that. You know, I'm suffering. I failed, I failed again. I failed a third time. I failed a fourth time.

Have you ever read the stories of the most successful in this world? I'm talking of worldly, the materialistic world. A lot of them were failures, by the way. A lot of them were failures. They dropped out of college. They dropped out of school. They didn't finish university. They didn't, and they made it right to the top, billionaires. What happened? It was the Almighty.

Understanding Our Needs vs Wants

A lot of our stress and depression regarding materialistic issues is connected to that which is over and above our basic necessities, connected to luxury. A lot of the times, you're very upset. You can't make it. You can't afford it. Why? Because I can't afford this and that.

Don't depress yourself. Work hard to achieve what you want. But remember, the Almighty has taken care of your basic needs. Basics, done. More than the basics, He's going to test you with that even more.

Learning from Examples

Look, this guy called Habib Noor Muhammad. Do you know this guy? Habib Noor Muhammad. That's his name. I think in Russian they call him Khabib. Khabib. They pronounce Noor Muhammad a little bit differently.

The man is a proud Muslim. So proud. He says, listen, I don't drink. You know what? A lot of us here, sometimes we feel embarrassed to give answers regarding our faith.

Helping Others with Their Struggles

Another very very interesting way of dealing with struggles is to help others who are struggling. Help others who are struggling. That is from the Quran. That is from the Hadith of the Prophetsalallahu alaihi wasallam. And you know what? People who have done it will confirm that yes indeed it helps us. You think you have an issue. We'll start helping people with issues whether it's the same or a different issue. And you will see how the Almighty will open your doors.

Perspective on Real Struggles

We are so fortunate today. But we don't understand how fortunate we are. Because we haven't gone out to volunteer. With those who are less fortunate. Whether it's within our own cities. Or outside. Take a look at the question. If I were to ask you. Name me. Places on earth where people are struggling. You know what? The list is endless.

Real struggles. And can I tell you what? Cape Town is not on that list. Generally. If you have struggles, they are personal.

Never Lose Hope

And the last point I want to say today, never lose hope. Never. No matter what happens, you don't lose hope. You have to know that there is something better awaiting me. You have to know that. You have to believe it firmly, even if temporarily right now things seem like they are going down. There is no other way for a believer. You have to have that hope.

Allah says this in the Quran. The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, says it in the Hadith. You know what? You have to have hope in the mercy of Allah.

Never, ever lose hope in the mercy of Allah. He knows. He will give you what's better for you.

The Reward for Patience

Why? Because you were patient. Patience is part of iman. Allah says:

Seek assistance through two things, salah and patience. You're prepared to be patient and you're prepared to keep on praying in all conditions.

Questions and Answers Session

Dealing with Stress and Anxiety

Are there any du'a for stress and anxiety? Yes, there are. There are plenty du'a. It's very important. When you read your five daily prayers, when you fulfill your five daily prayers, that on its own will already release a lot of your stress and anxiety.

If you are able to get up at a time earlier than the early morning prayer known as Salatul Fajr, and you are prepared to put your head on the ground for your maker, it will automatically relax you.

There are specialised prayers. Like you read some of the surahs of the Quran, Suratul Dhuha is very powerful. Read its meaning. It is powerful. And the surah immediately after that is called Suratul Sharh. It's a chapter of the Quran, very very short.

Marriage and Parental Involvement

How can I propose to a potential spouse without my parents? Your parents are chosen for you by the Almighty Allah. They're a test for you. Generally, you should be involving your reasonable parents. And we have tried our best to talk to those parents.

In the case where your folks are being unreasonable, they could be bypassed. However, there's one thing that I must say. Try never to lose your relationship with your folks. Never.

Age in Marriage

If two people are in love, does age play a factor? The answer is absolutely not. Age was never a factor when it comes to someone loving another. It's never a factor.

Dealing with Heartbreak

When you develop a haram relationship, what have you done? You're actually digging a little hole. And you're going deeper and deeper into the hole. So, inshallah, if a person has a haram relationship, they will, by the will of Allah, endeavor to come out of it. Coming out of it. Make it halal.

Closing Words

May Allah grant us goodness. May Allah help us focus. And may we be from among those truly who go through these challenges in life in the way that it strengthens our relationship with Allah. When He blesses you, you get closer to Him. When He takes away from you, you get closer to Him.

And inshallah, when we end this test, we will definitely all be in a better place.