Ismail ibn Musa Menk Building Bridges - Benefits Of Forgiving Others

Building Bridges - Benefits of Forgiving Others

Opening Recitation

"[Has there [not] come upon man a period of time when he was not anything mentionable? Indeed, We created man from a sperm-drop mixture that We may try him; and We made him hearing and seeing. Indeed, We guided him to the way, be he grateful or ungrateful. Indeed, We have prepared for the disbelievers chains and shackles and a blaze. Indeed, the righteous will drink from a cup [of wine] whose mixture is of Kafur, A spring from which the servants of Allah drink, making it gush forth in force [and abundance]. They [are those who] fulfill [their] vows and fear a Day whose evil will be widespread. And they give food, in spite of love for it, to the needy, the orphan, and the captive, [Saying], "We feed you only for the countenance of Allah. We wish not from you reward or gratitude. Indeed, We fear from our Lord a Day severe and distressful." So Allah will protect them from the evil of that Day and give them radiance and happiness]"

Introduction and Praise

We begin by praising Allah by sending blessings and salutations upon Muhammad, his entire household, all his companions. May Allah's blessings be upon them all, and may Allah bless every single one of us.

Rain as Allah's Mercy

My brothers and sisters in Islam, it is indeed a beautiful evening, and we have just been blessed with a considerable amount of rain. And you and I know that rain is generally considered the mercy of Allah. It can also be considered the punishment of Allah when it is excessive, when it is too much.

And this is why, when the rain is falling, we should ask Allah to make it the rain of His mercy. And we should seek from the mercy of Allah, for indeed it is a time of the acceptance of dua. It is a time of acceptance of the supplications.

So whenever you see rain, and I think in this country it's quite often, you need to make your duas. You need to ask Allah what you want, what you want from Allah. And don't be petty when you ask Allah.

The Best Supplication: Seeking Forgiveness

One of the best things you can ask Allah is guess what? Forgiveness. And the evidence of it is my beloved brothers and sisters, when it comes to one of the biggest or most auspicious nights of the entire year. And guess which night that is? Laylatul Qadr.

That night of decree is better than 1000 months. More than 80 years, 84 odd years.

One night. So, what you need to know is on that night, people were really wondering, what should we do? It's a powerful night. For you and I, it's just a few hours. But in the eyes of Allah, it is more valuable, more powerful than a 1000 months. So what should you do on that night?

Aisha's Question and the Prophet's Response

We are fortunate that the sahaba were inquisitive. The companions were inquisitive. Starting with the wife of Rasulullah, the pure and the mother of the believers, Aisha. She says, O messenger, peace be upon him. If I were to witness the night of decree, known as Laylatul Qadr, where the taqdeer is written. What is it that I should do? What is it that I should say?

So the Prophet said - and you know, if we ask today's scholars, sometimes, in some parts of the world, what should I do? They will give you a whole list of things to do. Make you tired. They will tell you, read this a 1000 times. Read that 500 times. Go and read the entire Quran cover to cover. Read this, read that or sometimes read one verse 5000 times.

And they will give you things that are extremely difficult. I tell you, if what they have taught you comes from Allah, his word or the teachings of the messenger and the earliest of generations, in that particular case, we will take it with its value. If not, we can discount it.

I tell you, this is the most powerful night. And the Prophet is being asked by his beloved wife, Ummul Mu'mineena Aisha. What should I say? What should I do? What did he say? Hadith sahih. Sahih At- Tirmidhi 3513.

O Allah! You are most forgiving. You love to forgive. So forgive me. Subhanallah.

The Significance of Seeking Forgiveness

As simple as that. So if you want to know, what is the best supplication that you can make? Seeking the forgiveness of Allah. Indeed, without a doubt. O Allah! Forgive me. I tell you, if you have the forgiveness of Allah, you have the love of Allah. If you have the forgiveness of Allah and you are seeking it, it shows you are linked with Allah. It shows you are bothered about Allah. You are concerned about your relationship with him.

You believe in him. Why would I ask for forgiveness from Allah if I did not believe in him? Why would I ask for forgiveness if I was not concerned about the hereafter? Seeking forgiveness goes to show you have a worry about the hereafter. So it shows that you are a mu'min and you have iman.

You have belief in you. To seek forgiveness after your sin is actually a sign that you are a true believer. (Musnad Ahmad 17321) إذا سَرَّتُكَ حَسَنَتُكَ وَسَاءَتْكَ سَيِّئَتُكَ فَأَنْتَ مُؤْمِنٌ

When your good deed makes you happy and your bad deed makes you sad, it is a sign that you are a true believer. Subhanallah. It is a sign that you are a true believer.

Allah Never Rejects Sincere Repentance

So your link with Allah is strengthened when you seek forgiveness. And Allah will never ever reject that. Tawbah. He will never reject your repentance for as long as you are genuine. For as long as you are sincere. You know people come to you and they say, Please forgive me. You say, okay, no problem. They do the same thing the next day. Please forgive me. Okay, no problem. They do it the third day. Please forgive me.

Hey, hey, who are you playing with here? This is now three times. And you say, okay, this is the last time. They come the fourth day. Please forgive me. My brother, you want me to keep forgiving you. What is it? How can you keep on doing this?

But I tell you with Allah, my beloved brothers and sisters, I promise you, if you are sincere and genuine, you promise not to repeat a sin. And somehow later on, that sin is repeated due to your human nature, your weakness, due to shaitan's plot or plan. Don't lose hope. Go back to Allah. Seek forgiveness again. And promise him again that you are not going to do that. And Allah will forgive you again and again and again and again.

The Most Hopeful Verse in the Quran

And a million times, stop falling into the trap of the devil by thinking that Allah will not forgive me. Because Allah says it clearly in a verse that is considered the verse with the most amount of hope in the Quran. Allah says:

Allah is telling him, you are a messenger. So deliver the following. Tell them something. Oh my worshippers who have transgressed against themselves. Why does Allah say أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنفُسِهِمْ - They have gone beyond the limits against themselves. Because when you sin, it does not affect Allah. When you sin, it affects you. That's what happens. You are foolish because you are the one who did something bad.

It does not affect Allah. It affects you. So Allah says, Go and tell those people who have transgressed against themselves. Never lose hope in my mercy. Never lose hope in the mercy of Allah. For indeed Allah will forgive all your sins. He is most forgiving, most merciful.

The Devil's First Trap

So the first trap of the devil is, he makes you think, You know what, I've committed the sin one too many times. And therefore, it's over. No hope for me. I'm gone. I'm down. Never think that way.

The Universal Need for Forgiveness

Remember this. Today we are speaking about forgiveness and the blessings that come about by the forgiveness of Allah. What happens as a result of seeking forgiveness and forgiving. And when we say forgiving here, tonight, we actually want to concentrate on us forgiving others. Forgiving one another. And the fruits of it. What happens?

I started off by mentioning Allah because obviously we all need the mercy of Allah. We all need it. Put up your hand if you are perfect, never sinned in your life. Put up your hand. I don't see even your baby finger going up. Subhanallah. I don't see even your baby finger going up. Why? Because it's impossible for anyone of us to claim that we've never sinned.

We've never transgressed. We've never done something wrong. We've never done something unacceptable. Every one of us here, without a single exception. There's been a time in our lives when we've done something and we know this is wrong. Or this is unacceptable. We know it.

The Importance of Forgiveness in Human Relations

Imagine if Allah did not forgive. What would happen? Imagine if forgiveness was not a door. Subhanallah. Imagine if we were taught not to forgive each other. How many mistakes do you make? How many mistakes do your children make? Would you not like to be forgiven for what you've done?

You committed a sin against yourself, against the command of Allah, against your spouse, against your children, against your parents, against your in-laws, against your relatives, against members of your community, against some Muslim, against a non-Muslim.

It doesn't mean that the people are not Muslim. So it's okay. I can commit sins against them. It's fine. That is warped. You will be punished because you have usurped the right of a human being. Subhanallah. Also a creature of the same maker who made you. They are owed rights. Your honesty.

The Prophet's Example with Honesty in Trade

When the Prophet entered the marketplace, he put his hand into some pile of dates that there was looking very nice. The dates were looking absolutely amazing. Impressive dates. When he put his hand in, he found it wet, and the bad dates were inside. So he looked. He says:

102 Sahih Muslim What is this, O owner of this food? Whoever cheats us is not from amongst us. May Allah grant understanding. So, it's important for us to know that the non-Muslims as well, when they purchase from you, they should be given the deal that is absolutely honest. Clear deal. That which is the best possible deal.

Take a look at how Islam spread in a lot of parts of the globe through businessmen who were honest. They were honest. That's all. Their dealings.

Seeking Forgiveness from All People

The same applies if you committed a sin against a non-Muslim, don't think that you can get away with it. You won't. You need to go and seek forgiveness from that man. Listen, I stole five dollars from you. I'm very sorry. I seek your forgiveness. And here is the return of the five dollars. Wow! They will probably be surprised. I don't think Muslims would be stealing. I hope not. May Allah make things easy for us.

The Consequences of Not Forgiving

So, would you like it if nobody forgave you? Would you like it? Each one of you. Myself included. Think for a moment. What you've done wrong and against whom you've done it. Sometimes it's a bad word. It's a swear word. It's backbiting. It is something evil. Maybe someone might have stolen. Someone might have actually committed huge sins. Major sins perhaps. It could have happened. You could have hurt someone. You could have falsely accused them. You could have slandered. Whatever else there is.

So many sins are committed. What if there was no forgiveness? Nobody forgave you. What if they did not forgive you? And they said, no way. When we leave things, and I've heard some people say this, Listen, I don't want to forgive. We will meet on the day of judgment. Have you heard that? We will meet on the day of qiyamah.

I will meet you on the day of judgment. Have you heard that? Yes. There are people who do it with passion. Not realizing that's actually the wrong thing to say.

The Danger of "We'll Meet on Judgment Day"

While you are alive. While you are alive, keep trying. Why? Because when you get to the day of judgment, you don't know which way the case is going to go. Trust me, you have no clue what may have happened in actual fact. Sometimes you are so confident that the right was yours. Yet when you get to the court of Allah, you find out otherwise. And then what?

But there is something even worse than that. I know I'm right. I know you are wrong. And I still tell you, I will meet you on the day of judgment. I don't want to forgive you. Okay, we now arrive on the day of judgment. You are standing, I'm standing happily. Thinking, you know what? Today, I'm going to fix you.

You stole my money. You are dead meat. Today, it's over. You are going to burn. You are going to pay for it. Imagine. I know I was right. There was no doubt I was right. So when I get there, guess what? The judgment commences in my favor. Mashallah, I was right. So I won. I'm proud, I'm happy.

What happened? I won. That man was wrong. A good thing next to my name, A bad thing next to his name. Now what? Why did I say that don't tell people I will meet you on the day of judgment? Try and sort it out. Why did I say it?

Multiple Cases on Judgment Day

Look, I've arrived on the day of judgment. I won it. It was mine. That was one case that you had with one man. Now come all the other cases that you have. Another three and a half thousand cases that you have. When Allah looks at you, He will look at you with the eye of justice. And you cannot enter paradise through that eye of justice.

You can only enter paradise through the eyes of mercy. Remember that. Because your salah, there was no concentration in it. So we are at the court case, we lost out on all our salah. Why? Allah says, look, that was not acceptable. You tried and you did as hard as you could. But you know what? You used to say Allahu Akbar and you used to think about your business, think about a woman, think about some sin you want to commit, think about the food that you want to eat as you go out here.

And you know there is brilliant food at Dynamo, for example. So you want to go there. And at the same time, you are busy thinking Allahu Akbar. Hey, we ordered the food for quarter past eight. This imam here is taking too long. Allah says, what type of acceptance do you want from me for that deed of yours? What happens? Your salah is gone. Your good deeds are lost. Allah deals with you justly.

It's fair. Allah says, look, look at this deed. Didn't you think like this? You say, yes, I did. Well, that salah is out. What if that happens?

The Mercy of Allah for Those Who Forgive

But when you have forgiven someone else in the world, Allah looks at you with the eye of mercy. You know what He can say to you? He can say:

Is the recompense of goodness anything besides goodness. You forgave him, today I forgive you, enter paradise. Allahu Akbar.

So don't think I will see you on the day of judgment. You might win one case. That's not the only case you are going to be fighting on that day.

On that day every soul shall come defending itself. Each one wants to defend himself. Oh Allah this, oh Allah that. We will be fighting the cases one after the other. Imagine when some people have one court case, they are drained. It affects their health, it affects their lives, it affects their wealth, it affects their relations, it affects everything.

Imagine you have 3,500 court cases, one after the other, and that is a very moderate figure. So deal with people in a way that you would like Allah to deal with you. Remember that.

How you treat others, so you shall be treated.

The Best of Affairs: Patience and Forgiveness

My brother, you did something very bad, you did something totally unacceptable. It is very difficult for me to forgive, but you know what? I'm going to forgive you. Because I want the mercy of Allah. You don't even need to explain to them why you have forgiven them, but you know that Allah is watching you. Allah says:

Whoever bears patience, whoever restrains himself and forgives, then that is the best of affairs. That's the best thing you could do. Allah is telling you it is the best thing you could do to restrain yourself, to protect yourself, to bear patience and to forgive. It's amazing. Are you ready to listen to Allah?

The Weight of Holding Grudges

And Allah favors you with something else. When you hold something, it actually has a weight. Not in kilograms, but something worse than kilograms. Stress grams, if I can call it that. That's what it is. It has a weight.

You did wrong to me, I held it against you. I didn't forgive you, so there's a weight here. Someone else did something, another weight. Someone else did something, another weight. My shoulders are tight. Everything is not... There are so many knots, for example, on my shoulders, wherever else.

My back is being broken. Everything is tight. The muscles are tight. Everything is... Subhanallah. When I walk, I feel this burden. My mind, I frown more than I smile. Because that's it. I have something against everyone. Save yourself.

Research on Happiness and Forgiveness

It is proven by research that the happiest of people are those who forgive others. It is proven by research that the happiest of people are those who forgive others. So do you want to be happy? Well, learn to

forgive.

Forgive but Don't Necessarily Forget

What type of things should you forgive? Forgive as much as you can. You may not forget. That is something interesting. When we were young, we used to hear a statement, forgive and forget, forgive and forget. When we grew older, we realized that, you know what, you can forgive, but not necessarily forget. Because 40 years from now, 50 years from now, I can sit and remember, you know that brother did this to me, I forgave him.

I still remember it, I didn't forget it. I know it. Another thing is, it's important not to sometimes forget so that you are not bitten from the same direction more than once. The hadith says:

(Sahih Al-Bukhari 6133)

A true believer is not bitten from the same hole by the same reptile twice.

Which means this man did something very bad. This man did a business deal with me, he stole my money and he went away. I forgave him, but I'm not going to do business with him now. Nothing wrong with that. You are sharp, you are wise actually.

Or if I do business with him now, I'm going to make sure that I have some collateral that I'm holding, so that if he tries his trick again, at least I will not suffer the loss. Yes, you are sharp.

But if he comes to you, brother, did you hear a shaykh speaking, forgive, forget, mashallah, you know, it's okay. You say, okay, I've forgiven and I've forgotten. The next day he comes, brother, can I borrow a loan again? Please, can you give me some money? Can you lend me some money? Then what happens? You say, yes, give it to him.

Wallahi, that shaking of your head, you won't know whether it is a yes or a no. May Allah forgive us. So, you don't need to forget something after you've forgiven it. That's not necessarily an Islamic teaching. Yes, if it is minor things and so on, forgive, forget. But major things, remember them.

Do not remember them in a way that you want to keep reminding people, you know, you did this and I forgave you. You know that? You did this and I forgave you. Don't forget. And 20 years later, you did this and I forgave you. No. We are not remembering things in order to remind people.

We are remembering things in order for us to be reassured and for us to learn lesson from it. I learnt a lesson. This man did something really bad. This woman did something bad. I forgave them, but the back of my mind is there.

Who Deserves Your Forgiveness Most

But I tell you something. Who are the people who are most deserving of your forgiveness? That's the question. I told you when you forgive people, you are helping yourself, not them. Did you hear that? When you forgive people, you are helping yourself, not them.

I forgave this man. I don't want to deal with him anymore. Salaamu alaikum wa alaikumussalam. That's where it stops. Alhamdulillah, that's the minimum. But I've forgiven him. It's okay. I walk, I'm a happy man. I concentrate on life.

Financial Forgiveness and Allah's Provision

Someone owes you 20,000 US dollars. Okay, that's a big figure. Very big figure. You tried for one year, you tried for two years, you tried for three years, you started becoming sick and ill. And you have hope in your heart that you are going to get it back one day. And his financial condition is becoming worse and worse.

You might want to. There are two things you can do. If you are wealthy, you can write it off. That's all, it's gone. And Allah will provide you more because Allah sees that you made some life easy. For a person who is struggling, I will make life easy for you. And I will make your hereafter easy for you too.

(Sahih Muslim 2699)

And in another narration:

فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ

Whoever alleviates the struggle of a fellow believer, Allah says, I will help that person on the day of judgment. And in one narration, I will alleviate the suffering of that person in this world and the next.

So you want to alleviate your own suffering? Carry on. Allah will provide more for you.

Allah is the owner of sustenance. Allah is الرزّاق. Allah is the one who provides. He will provide for you, don't worry.

Don't Let Grudges Consume Your Life

So one thing is to forgive, but sometimes you need the money, you are not in a position to actually forgive. But you don't have to make it your main aim in life, where you are walking, everyone you talk to, the topic is someone owes you 20,000. Everyone you go to, you're talking about the same thing.

You don't have to do that. You are stressing yourself. You try, you employ whatever methods you have to in terms of legal methods, and you want your wealth back and so on. But you need to understand, listen,

help yourself by not making it your main aim in life. Work on something else.

While you are concentrating on this thing, you are losing so many business opportunities, your mind is struggling, it affects you, it affects everyone around you. When you have held grudges and you have not forgiven people, it starts affecting your relationship with your family members. Because you are upset, you come home, your child is saying, daddy, daddy or mommy, you say, keep quiet, sit down. Hey, they are supposed to be talking to you.

Someone did something wrong to you, now you are doing something wrong to your children. As a result, you don't realize it's affected your character. So do your character a favor by forgiving them. Do your children a favor by forgiving them. You will smile at home once again instead of frowning. May Allah help us.

Family Members Deserve Forgiveness Most

So, you forgive, there is so much of benefit. But who is the person who is most deserving or the people who are most deserving of your forgiveness? Who do you think they are? Who do you think they are? Your family members and those who are the closest in relation to you. They are the ones who deserve your forgiveness first.

They were placed close to you to test you, that's all. Allah chose them as your relatives. Today, your husband does one mistake, the marriage is over, forget about everything else. Your car has a small dent, the car is gone. It's not a write-off. That's not what you do.

You send it to the panel beaters, you repair the car, you bring it back, the old faithful, you know. Your wife made one mistake, what happened? Divorce. What was the reason? Ah, there are 20,000 other girls running behind me.

That's not the right way of doing things. They are probably running behind your money. The minute the rupee drops, they also drop. Possible. May Allah forgive us. You need to work on the relationships you have.

Advice for Married Couples

Someone commits a mistake, forgive them. Today's advice to married people is when the spouse makes a mistake, leave him. Go away. Divorce. File for divorce. What happened? Oh, something minor, something major. So what?

But as a believing female, a believing male, when your spouse has done something wrong, you need to sit and seek Allah's forgiveness to begin with. Both of you. Ask Allah's forgiveness. When He forgives you and your slate is clean, you will be able to think properly. When you yourself have committed so many

sins, and you are not with a clean slate between you and Allah, how do you expect to think in the correct manner? Can you? The answer is no, you cannot.

So if you seek Allah's forgiveness to start off with before you even retaliate and respond, you will be guided by Allah. Calm down. It's a very big matter. Calm down. And then see what they are saying. If they show a speck of remorse, you need to extend your hand, the hand of mercy. Yes, if there's no remorse whatsoever, you might want to deal with it differently.

But if there is a speck of remorse, who from amongst us does not make mistakes? If that was the case, every one of us, without exception, would be divorced. May Allah help us. So save your marriage. Help your children by forgiving your spouse.

Forgiving Employees and Workers

One narration speaks about those who work for us. The people who work for us. The helping hands. There is a narration in Al-Fada'il which speaks about forgiving them so many times in one day. How many times should I forgive them? 70 times in the whole day. 70 times a day. Those who work for me. Then my spouse, 700 times a day.

May Allah help us. If those who work for you deserve that you forgive them so many times a day, overlook. What about those whom you live with? Remember, your spouse will never be able to be exactly like you, 100%, thinking like you, liking the things you like, disliking the things you dislike.

That won't happen. We are not robots. We are human beings with real hearts. So, you need to appreciate one another and the diversity in one another by forgiving, by overlooking, by discussing, by communicating. That's how you will lead a beautiful life. You will never be able to lead a beautiful life if you hold things.

Don't Keep a Record of Wrongs

And one day, you take out the book. Every day in the evening you write. Poor wife thinks that you are writing how much money you are making. And you keep the book private. The book is hidden. Every night you are writing. Don't look at this book. Locked. Khalas.

One day when something happens, the soup that she was making, preparing for you perhaps, overboiled. And it missed the stove. And there was a smell that gave you a headache.

That's it. Now you take out the book. Look, I've been writing all the things you've been doing. I want to show you what you've done. One, two. My brother, that's your spouse.

What did you need to write everything from the back for? Let go. Let go of it. Subhanallah. Allah will let go of you on the day of judgment if you were caught doing the wrong thing. It's very very possible that

Allah will do that for you. But with your own spouse, someone whom you took into your relationship, the most intimate relationship that there could be, with the name of Allah, you took that person, and you hold every droplet of what they did against them.

You have a sickness of doubt against your husband, against your wife. Every small call, every small movement, every movement of the eye, every time they leave the house, that's it. He's committing sin. She's committing sin. If that's your attitude, trust me, you will never be able to lead a life. It's not going to happen.

That's not what you do. Then, a person comes and says, look, what I've been writing all along. What did you write it for? It goes to show that your intention from the beginning was dirty. It was very dirty. May Allah guide us.

Building Powerful Relationships Through Forgiveness

When you forgive your spouse, you have helped yourself build a powerful relation. You learn to love one another. And when you have been forgiven by a spouse, do not abuse it. They are not ghafoorur rahim. They are not most forgiving, most merciful. They might be able to forgive you once. If you are lucky, twice.

In a lot of cases, it does not extend to a third time. They are human beings. But still, we are taught to forgive as many times as we can. But when we have been forgiven, don't look at it as a weakness. It's not a weakness. Many people think, you know what? Where is she going to go? No way.

I'm giving her the life. I'm giving her everything. Wallahi, Allah will catch you. Allah will catch you. People think, I can do what I want. This woman here, I'm married to her. Where is she going to go? She's got five children with me. And I've lived with her for how many years? She can't do anything. She's got no one to go to. Her brothers and sisters are married. Her father and mother have passed away. And so on.

Now, it's okay what I do to her. Be careful. She might forgive you. You don't know that that forgiveness is not a weakness. It's actually a strength. The more she forgives you, the happier a life between her and Allah she will lead.

And guess what? The fact that she has forgiven you does not necessarily mean that Allah is pleased with you. It doesn't mean Allah is happy. He's watching. He knows. The record is taken. He can see.

So therefore, please Allah by trying your best not to repeat the sin. But I've really encouraged you to say, the people who deserve your forgiveness the most are your family members. Your wife, your husband. Your children, your brothers, your sisters, your parents. Your parents-in-law as well. They are also closely related to you.

Forgive them. Excuse them. And when we say forgive, we don't mean don't do something about it.

Dealing with In-Law Issues

Because sometimes your mother oppresses your wife. And it's happening in many homes. I used to think it's declining. But in actual fact, it's increasing. How dare we have a daughter-in-law in the house and we really think she is just a maid without a salary. She must wake up at this time.

We must give her an instruction. We'll never praise what she does. And we must keep on treating her like she's just a maid and a slave. Do you really think Allah created a female in order to just get up and serve the mother-in-law? Or the father-in-law? Do you really think that was the reason of creation of the female? Do you not think she has a far greater purpose than something as low as that?

She's doing it for you as a favor. Appreciate it. I challenge all the mothers-in-law and fathers-in-law to appreciate what their daughters-in-law or sons-in-law do for them. Show that appreciation. Talk about it. Use your tongue to say it.

It will bear witness for you on the day of judgment. They do a lot. So what? They are tired. They may not get up when you want them to get up. Because they are tired. They are ill. They may be sick. They may have children to look after. You don't even know.

And you're holding it, holding it. And you expect to be forgiven. You expect to be forgiven. How? Be kind with your words, my beloved brothers and sisters.

The Opposite Problem: Divorcing Parents

And we have the opposite problem as well. And that is, where these young people get married, and after that, they divorce their parents. No matter how many times you utter the words of talaq to your mother or your father, it will not divorce them. Because those words don't work with them. They are irrelevant when it comes to your parents.

You still have to be kind to them. It's a test from Allah. Allah gave you parents specifically. And He commanded you and instructed you to be kind to them even if they are not Muslim. Be kind to them. Kindness.

Notice we did not say obedience. Because obedience is only within the instruction of Allah. If they ask you to do something and it does not negate what Allah has said, you will do it for them. But if they have asked you to do something against the command of Allah, you will not do it for them.

So this is amazing. It's unique, my brothers and sisters. A relationship from Allah. You were born into those arms, into those laps. You need to show some kindness in that direction.

Forgive and Take Action

But the point I was raising was, it does not mean you forgive someone so you don't do something about

it. You have to do something about it as well. So if there is oppression coming from one party to another, stop it somehow. Forgive them, but deal with it.

Say, look my beloved mother, I love you. We have forgiven your shortcomings. But I wouldn't like this to repeat itself again. You have to speak. I know of men who think it is virtuous to be silent and to watch your mother bulldoze through the whole house and destroy every relation and break every rule of Islam.

But no, that's my mother. I cannot talk. Says who? Which verse of the Quran says, do not stop someone who is swearing? Which verse of the Quran says, you must allow your parents to oppress everyone and anyone under your guardianship? Your wife is under your guardianship.

Be careful. Deal with it kindly. You have been asked to be kind. So speak to your mother with a smile, with kindness. She might explode. She might get angry and upset. You keep smiling because that's your duty. But keep saying what you have to because you have to say it. You are the guardian of your spouse.

You have to say it whether you like it or not. Whether she likes it or not. Whether he likes it or not. Whether anyone likes it or not. You have to say it when it's your duty to say it. May Allah grant us happiness in our homes.

The Danger of Silent Suffering

Too many people are suffering in silence. And when that happens, we create hypocrisy in society and community. We don't have an understanding. We don't have a transparent relationship because too much grudge is in the heart. And then people start cursing in dua. As soon as you see the rain, instead of saying, Oh Allah, forgive me.

Oh Allah, destroy her. La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah. I heard that Allah accepts dua when it starts raining. So I'm waiting for the rain. To do what? To make a dua to destroy someone. Why? For what? Make a beautiful dua, Oh Allah, forgive me.

Once Allah forgives you, He will take care of you. He will look after you. May Allah have mercy on us.

Forgiveness Develops Piety

Do you know that when you forgive people, it develops your taqwa and closeness to Allah. And Allah loves it so much. Listen to the verses, Surah Al-Imran, verse number 133 and the next verse.

Surah Al-Imran, verse number 133 and the next verse. Allah says:

"Race towards the mercy of Allah. Race towards the forgiveness of Allah. Race towards the forgiveness of your Maker. And race towards paradise that has been prepared. Paradise that is so broad. Broader than"

the earth and the skies. Broader than anything. Race towards that paradise that has been prepared for the muttaqeen.

For those who are conscious of Allah. For those who are fearful of Allah in a beautiful way. For those who love Allah enough to keep them away from displeasing Allah.

When you love someone, you don't want to make them unhappy. So taqwa is to love Allah so much that you stay away from sin. And you create a barrier between you and the displeasure of Allah or the punishment of Allah.

So normally when we say taqwa, people say the fear of Allah. It's a word we use, but a true believer who has that piety is actually fearful of displeasing Allah out of the love of Allah. I love Allah so much, I don't want to displease Him.

That is the proper taqwa. So Allah says, race towards this paradise that is prepared for al-muttaqeen.

Characteristics of the Muttaqeen

Who are the muttaqeen? Verse number 134 of Surah Al-Imran describes the muttaqeen:

"Those who spend. Those who spend during days of ease as well as during days of difficulty. Not only those who spend when they have, even when they don't have, they still spend."

Remember spending is not only monetary. You can spend so many things in the cause of Allah. You can give in kind. And at the same time, you can spend from your character. What's the point of giving money, but you have bad character, bad behavior, you brag, you hurt people. Allah says:

"To say a good word and to forgive people is better than a charity that is followed by bad words."

Did you hear what Allah said? To say a good word and to forgive people is better than a charity, better than all the money you have, better than everything you want to give, if it is followed by a bad word. I gave and I bragged about it. People have this habit.

They give you, but they make sure they get in return more than they gave you. You have to be careful. Even a person like me, sometimes you know you get offered freebies. Freebies, meaning people are there, they offer you things. Yes, if you know the brother or whoever it is, your family member, a close friend of yours, someone, an acquaintance, you have to know them, you've got to know them. It is Islamic to accept and give gifts.

Paradise is for Those Who Control Anger and Forgive

So Allah says, run towards the paradise which is prepared for those who are muttaqeen. Who are they? They are the ones who spend during good days and during difficult days. And those who suppress their anger, those who suppress their anger, when you want to really vent, when you get so upset, and you just calm down, Allahumma salli ala nabiyyina muhammadin wa ala ala nabiyyina muhammadin wa barik wa sallim.

Astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah. What did I just do? I calm down. The sunnah is to drink a bit of water (أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّحِيمِ - a'udhu billahi minash-shaytanir-rajeem). If you are standing, sit down. You are sitting, perhaps lie down a bit. Subhanallah.

So Allah says, my paradise is prepared for those who can suppress their anger. Control your temper, you have paradise. Why? Because I will control my temper when it comes to you.

That's what it is. You wanted to, you could, you almost exploded, but you calmed down, you controlled yourself, you forgave. On the day when Allah will be so angry with those who have disbelieved, He will forgive you.

He will look at you with the eyes of mercy, because you used to look at the others with the eye of mercy. Because when you could vent your frustrations and your anger, you didn't. You actually held back. Subhanallah.

So jannah is prepared for whom? For those who get angry, but suppress it as soon as they can. Those who suppress their anger. They don't allow it to get to a point where it affects another person. I'm getting angry. To become angry is human nature.

But as soon as it starts building in me, I start suppressing it. I think of Allah. I might read the Qur'an. I might make wudhu. I might start a bit of salah. Whatever calms you down.

The sunnah says like I said (أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّحِيمِ) Have a sip of water. Subhanallah. And the final part of that verse, Allah says وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاس - We have prepared paradise for those who forgive other people.

Did you hear that? Those are the muttaqeen. They are the ones who are conscious of me. Who are they? They are the ones who forgive others. You forgive others, I have a paradise waiting for you. Subhanallah. These are powerful verses.

Go and check surah al-Imran. Amazing verses of the Qur'an. Allah has prepared jannah. And then Allah says:

At the end of that verse, Allah loves those who do good.

The Mufassireen say, it goes to show that these deeds are actually done and considered good deeds by Allah. And when you forgive someone, Allah writes your name among those who has done good deeds. Because Allah says وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ - Allah loves those who spend. Allah loves those who control their temper. And Allah loves those who forgive others. And Allah calls them Muhsineen.

And Allah says, I love them. Imagine. So what did you earn by forgiving someone, by forgiving people? You earned the love of Allah. You forgave. Allah says He loves you. Amazing.

Imagine for Allah to say, I love those who forgive others. I love them. So you say, oh Allah, it was so difficult for me to forgive this man, but I want you to love me. So I've swallowed my pride and I've forgiven him. Subhanallah.

Forgiveness Doesn't Mean Resuming Full Relationship

Sometimes and a lot of people think that there is a contradiction when we want to forgive people and we want to protect ourselves from their harm in future. You forgive them. You don't hold anything against them. But you can minimize your relationship with them.

You can. Forgiveness does not mean you've got to go back and you are with them every day 24-7, and you deal with them again. I can forgive you my brother, but I don't want to do any more dealings with you.

I will still smile at you, salamu alaikum, how are you? When you phone me, you want a bit of money, my brother, I will not be able to honor that. I won't be able to do that for you. I'm sorry, I would not like to do business with you, but my brother, I forgive you and I love you, and so on.

But if you've forgiven me, why don't you want to do business with me? Because I don't want to arrive at a situation whereby you seek forgiveness again. Simple. I'm doing you a favor by not dealing with you.

So there's nothing wrong. Don't think that Islam has said that you forgive someone, it means you have to go back into their lives and you have to go back to what the relationship was before. No, you might be foolish to do that sometimes. Sometimes you can, yes. Sometimes you can do that. Sometimes no.

I'm just qualifying it to explain to you that there is no contradiction. May Allah help us.

Hadith on Forgiveness and Honor

In Sahih Muslim, there is a narration of Abu Hurairah wherein he says something very powerful. He says, the Prophet said:

(Sahih Muslim 2588)

Nobody's wealth has ever depleted because of a charity they've given. Which means, when people give a charity, actually their money increases. Nobody's wealth has ever decreased because they gave charity.

So when you have wealth and you want it to increase, one of the ways is to be charitable. To give a portion of it away so that it will actually multiply. That is the first part of the narration.

Then he says, that Allah has never increased His slave in anything besides honor and dignity when He has forgiven another. So if you want honor, you want dignity, you want respect, Allah will give it to you when you forgive people whom it is very difficult to forgive.

How many of us would be happy if we had respect, if we were honorable people, considered noble. You want to be considered noble? One of the best ways is learn to forgive people.

And the third part of the narration, the Prophet says, and never has a person humbled himself for the sake of Allah, except as a result, Allah has raised his status and elevated him.

So if you want to become higher, humble yourself for the sake of Allah. Subhanallah. What a beautiful and powerful narration. May Allah make it easy for us.

The Difficulty of Forgiveness and the Prophet's Example

Now one might say, you know, you are talking to us about forgiving and the benefits of forgiving and telling us so many things, but it's hard. In real life, it's hard. It's difficult. How can I? This man did this to me. That woman did this to me. My wife did this. My this person did that. And so on.

Wallahi, I tell you, for this reason, Allah has sent us the example of Rasulullah. He forgave so many times. He forgave people whom we would not be able to forgive easily.

The Incident at Ta'if

In Ta'if, they were throwing stones at him. Subhanallah. He was bleeding. The most blessed droplets of blood to be created were being spilt. The angels come to him. They tell him, that if you instruct us, we can destroy these people. What does he say?

(Sahih Al-Bukhari 3477)

One is to forgive them. But two is to make dua for their forgiveness because you are worried what Allah will do to them. Allahu Akbar. Are you following? One is for me to say, brother, I forgive you.

But he is most beloved to Allah. So he knows that perhaps Allah will punish them. So instead of saying, oh Allah, I forgive them. He says, oh Allah, please forgive them. They don't know what they are doing. Subhanallah.

Imagine your enemy does something against you. Never mind your enemy, your beloved wife, your loving husband, he did something. And you say, oh Allah, forgive him. Subhanallah. Oh Allah, forgive her. That is more powerful than even saying, I forgive you.

It's one step further. So you want to know what the Prophet did to his enemies? Well, here it is. He could have crushed them.

The Conquest of Makkah

And this is why there are powerful verses where Allah explains. Surah An-Nisa, Allah says:

Allah says at the beginning, if you are to declare the goodness you do, or if you are to hide it, Allah knows it. When you do good, you declare it or you hid it. Allah knows it. But Allah says, أَوْ تَعْفُوا عَن سُوءٍ - When you forgive someone who did bad to you, then you need to know, subhanAllah, that Allah is عَفُوًا قَدِيرًا - Allah is most forgiving.

When you forgive someone, you need to know Allah is even more forgiving than you are. He will forgive you as a result of you forgiving others. So one of the ways of attaining forgiveness for your own sins is to forgive others.

I forgave this one, forgave that one, forgave that one. Allah says, I want you to know, Allah is more forgiving than you. Allah is عَفُوًا - عَفُوًا actually means one who constantly forgives.

But He is قَدِيرًا - قديرًا meaning He is all able. Why does Allah join the two qualities here? Because Allah is telling you, I am able to punish you, I am able to destroy you, I am able to delete you, I am able to do what I want with you, but I have chosen to forgive you out of My mercy.

Sometimes when people do bad to us, we don't really have many choices. We become angry, we become hurt, we become hard. The choices are very few. It affects our health, it affects everything, it affects our relationships like I said earlier.

So we say, O Allah, I forgive this person, forgive them. MashaAllah, as soon as you forgive people, a mountain will fall, will crumble from your back. Straight away, you feel so good, I felt good, I am no longer worried, I no longer have this burden on my shoulders.

So Allah says, you forgave, you did not have many options. We have every option there is in the book, but we will still forgive. That's the joining between afoo and qadeer.

Now do you see it? This is why Allah says, when you forgive others, don't worry, we can fix you up also for what you've done, but we won't, we will forgive you. That's what Allah is saying. Amazing.

Amazing how Allah actually instills within our hearts and minds hope. May Allah have mercy on everyone of us. And this is why Allah says:

The recompense of an evil deed is something similar to it. Someone did bad to you, you have the right to do back bad to them. Whatever they did to you, you have the right to do it to them. Someone slapped you, you actually have the right to slap them back.

But Allah says, no. Allah goes one step beyond. And Allah says, whoever forgives and makes amends, his or her reward is with Allah. He might not see the reward in the world, we will show them if we want, some of the reward in the world, either through better health, the improvement of the quality of your life by you forgiving others. Your life has improved, the quality of it improved. You forgave.

But sometimes it might not. It may not. Allah says, don't worry, we've kept in store for you something great. Allah says, we will forgive you. Subhanallah.

The Prophet's Forgiveness at the Conquest of Makkah

So the Prophet in Ta'if, he made a du'a for them. And then Quraysh, when the Prophet came to them, with a whole army. Listen very carefully, because this is absolutely important for you to understand Islam. And how Allah, His mercy comes before everything else.

And how the Prophet Muhammad says:

(Muwatta Malik 1614)

I was sent in order to complete good character. Beautiful conduct. In the verse Allah says:

We have sent you for any purpose besides being a source of mercy for Al-'Alamin, the whole worlds. The worlds. We have sent you as a mercy for them.

So what did he do? He marched on to Makkah for the victory of Makkah with an army that Quraysh would never be able to face. And this was the superpower of the time. And then he had them all and he could do whatever he wanted to them. He could do it.

The Quranic Teaching on Spending and Forgiving

Imagine in Surah Al-Baqarah, verse number 219, Allah speaks about a question they used to ask. They asked Muhammad:

"They asked, what should we spend? What is it that we should spend? Now, the verse says قُلِ الْعَفْوَ - Say, al-'afu. What is the meaning of al-'afu? That which is excess. That which is more. You'll lose change. You spend it.

But for your information, in the Arabic language, al-'afu also includes forgiving. Why? Because you forgave someone. What did it cost you to forgive them? Nothing. It was just you had to put your pride aside and forgave them. So Allah says, you want to spend? Well, spend that. You need to know how virtuous it is.

And there are so many other verses that we could actually cite. I've given you the example of Muhammad on two occasions. But there were many other examples.

The Story of Prophet Yusuf's Forgiveness

I give you the example of Yusuf. Imagine, his brothers planned to kill him. Then they planned, they said, okay, that's very bad. But they planned to banish him. They threw him into the well, left for the dead. What happened? Years later, they were shocked to see what Allah did with him. Years later, they were shocked to see what Allah did with him.

And they had no clue who they were talking to. He was the man, he was in power at the time. And his brothers come and they are complaining, you know, this happened to someone, that happened to another brother, and this is what happened and our father is now blind and whatnot and so many other complaints.

And he just asked them one question:

Look at how beautifully it's worded. He says to his brothers without them knowing who he was, Do you know what you did to Joseph and his brother when you were ignorant? They were shocked because nobody knew.

Yusuf, you actually know that there was a brother of ours called Yusuf and you are actually asking us, do you know what you did when you were ignorant? So he is finding an excuse for them. Subhanallah. He is finding an excuse for his brothers by saying, don't worry, when you were ignorant.

Now, we hope you are no longer ignorant. Imagine someone swore you and then later on you tell them, do you know what you said when you were ignorant? Well, trust that person, in today's world he might say, what? You're calling me ignorant? I'll fix you up. Astagfirullah.

May Allah guide us. But amazingly, they looked at him and they immediately knew that oh, there is something about this man because nobody knew about Yusuf, just us, nobody else. So they looked at him and they said:

Is it possible that you are Yusuf? Can it be that you are that Yusuf? Wow.

So he looks at them, immediately he says:

Amazing. We have so much to learn from that sentence. He says, I am Yusuf, this is my brother, and guess what? Allah has favored us so much.

Wow. If it was me, or maybe if it was one of you, in that place or position, on that occasion, I am Yusuf. Now watch what I'm going to do to you. Am I right? That's what a lot of us would do, may Allah forgive us. But he says, he's not even talking about what they did. He's not worried.

Because wallahi, what people have done to you, does not disturb what Allah will provide for you. Allah is the provider. They can do what they want. The hadith says, Wallahi:

(Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2516)

You need to know that if the entire nation gets together to harm you, they will not be able to harm you with anything except what Allah has decided for you. Nothing can happen. People are worried, hey, this happened in America, that happened here, now what? Well, Allah knows.

Nothing will happen unless Allah wants it. Allah willed it, that's why it happened. So why did Allah will it? Well, I don't know. I'm just a slave of Allah. I'm just a worshipper of Allah. I just have a short mission on earth to do the best I can, to worship Allah as best as I can without associating partners with Him, trying to follow the footsteps of the messenger He sent without innovating anything.

And then I die and meet Allah. And when I meet Allah, I want Him to actually see me. When I have a face that is radiating by His mercy. Do you want to show your face to Allah? Well, prepare for the day. By doing what? Seek forgiveness, O Allah, I love you. When I see you, I don't want to be blackened.

I don't want to be a person who's disgraced. When I see you, O Allah, when you see me on the day of judgment, I want to be in a good shape. Forgive me.

So Yusuf says, I am Yusuf, this is my brother. Allah has favored us. (قَدْ مَنَّ اللَّهُ عَلَيْنَا - Allah has favored us) with so much of favor.

And then you know what he says?

The same two words that were used in the verse of forgiving people. Taqwa and Ihsan. Where Allah says, whoever has taqwa, whoever is conscious of Allah, and whoever is patient, restrains himself, Allah will never ever throw away or waste the reward of those who do good.

Remember the word doing good was used, when Allah says you've forgiven someone, you've done good. You're from amongst the good doers, the muhsinin. And Allah says you restrain yourself, you're from amongst the muttaqin. You're conscious of Allah. So these are the same words, all three words in fact, have been used in the verse where Allah speaks about forgiving.

So what happened? These people had consciousness of Allah, they were patient for 40 years or more. And Allah says they were good doers. And thereafter, Allah says something very amazing. He tells us the words of Yusuf. Allah says, the brothers said:

Indeed Allah has favored you above us. Allah has preferred you over us. (آثَرَكَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْنَا - We tried to block) you, to stop you. We didn't want you to have a relationship with your father.

As a result, you had a relationship with Allah. Imagine preventing someone from their father, from their mother, from their brothers and sisters. It happens normally after a divorce, where one party prevents the child from the other party, for whatever the reason is.

And after years on end, things resolve themselves. The story of Yusuf, they said, we prevented you from our father. Subhanallah. They are saying now (لَقَدْ آثَرَكَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْنَا - As a result of your patience), as a result of your sabr, as a result of your God consciousness, Allah has preferred you over us. And you know what? We were wrong. (وَإِن كُنَّا لَخَاطِئِين)

Allah does not say they asked for forgiveness. They only admitted their sin. We were wrong . (وَإِن كُنَّا لَخَاطِئِينَ - He was so noble), this man, he did not wait for them to say, please forgive us, please, please forgive us, we were wrong, please, please, and so on.

They would have said please a hundred times, a thousand times. They would have said it forever and ever, because this was the man, he was the leader, the ruler, he was providing food for them.

Subhanallah.

And you know what? He just says:

And he changed the topic. He says, no retribution against you today, Allah will forgive you, He is Arham Ar-Rahimeen. He is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. Allah will forgive you, no retribution upon you today.

Now, take my shirt and go to the father. Topic changed. The topic became the shirt. He quickly sorted the matter out between his brothers. It did not take him five seconds. With us, 50 years, we still haven't forgiven our brothers, our sisters.

If Allah mentioned this in the Quran, I promise you, when you can forgive your brothers and sisters, Allah will mention you with the angels. I promise you. Subhanallah.

It's something big, it requires a big heart, so starts broadening your heart, your chest, expanding. Subhanallah. You need to have a broad chest, you need to have a great heart, you need to develop these qualities.

Subhana rabbiyal a'lam. May Allah help us forgive one another.

Conclusion and Seeking Forgiveness

My brothers, my sisters, there is a lot that I still have to say. Normally, I don't come with notes when I am delivering a talk of this nature. But today, I decided to write down verses and a hadith on a piece of paper. And I've only covered half of them.

And I realize, from one hour, I've spoken for one and a half hours. But alhamdulillah, I think this air conditioning unit is so cold that I didn't even feel I was in Colombo. May Allah forgive me.

And may Allah forgive us all. If I have erred, if I have wronged anyone of you, knowingly or unknowingly, I seek forgiveness. Because, remember, to seek forgiveness is absolutely important.

Don't be too proud to say, I'm sorry to people. No matter who you are, in some cultures, a parent, a grandparent, or a mother-in-law or father-in-law, or an elderly person, an older person, will never ever ever say, I'm sorry, forgive me. In some cultures, they simply will not.

They somehow believe they have a stamp on their backs saying, jannah, that's it. I do what I want, jannah. Wallahi, those who are mubashshireena bil jannah, the story is over. They are already gone. Their names are written. Your name is not from amongst theirs.

So don't, no matter who you are, and what relation you have, your son, you can go to him. Your daughter, you can go to her. Please forgive me if I have wronged you.

Sometimes you might want to say, and we don't know sometimes what these people hold against us. You know what? If I have done something knowingly or unknowingly, forgive me. Let me know what I have done.

You will be surprised. They will also take that book out of the little dressing table and start reading for you pages. Every night come to me bedtime, I'll read for you ten a day.

May Allah forgive us. May Allah help us. So I want to end by saying as much as we are taught to forgive people, we are also taught to seek forgiveness.

Seek forgiveness. Don't think that when we talk about forgiving others, it makes us in a position of goodness. And that we have never done something wrong against others.

We have done so much wrong against people. Learn to identify them and seek forgiveness. Even from your maid who works for you in your home. Or someone who works for you in your business. Go to them and say, I'm sorry for what I've done to you. And I promise you, it will clean your heart and elevate your status in the eyes of Allah.

May Allah bless us all. I say this. May Allah's peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad. May Allah's peace, mercy and blessings be upon you.