Destroying Others or Building Them? - Mufti Menk

Destroying Others or Building Them? - Mufti Menk

Opening

We kick off and always start off in the name of Allah, asking him to bless us, to grant us goodness, send blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the one whom Allah chose to come to us, to teach us the goodness that we have, his companions, his household and all those who struggled and strove through the generations in a way that today we have the deen. May Allah grant us goodness and elevation, may Allah grant us ease and may Allah grant all those who are struggling and suffering across the globe, ease in whatever they may be going through in terms of difficulty, ameen.

Introduction

My beloved brothers, my sisters, I have had many motivational evenings with many different topics. And today I wish to speak on something extremely important. We have covered many topics of goodness and what has happened over time at this venue and at other venues.

Many people have come back and said, you know what, a lot of what you've said is real. That's what a motivational evening is all about, subhanAllah. So, there are two ways of doing things.

I can hear from you or you can hear from me. And we could add a third way of doing things. We can hear from one another, subhanAllah.

So, which way would you like it? You want to hear from me? Maybe I want to hear from you too. Okay, I will tell you how we will do it, inshallah. I will say a few words and thereafter I may open the floor for any one of you to add something motivational that has happened in your life briefly to let us know something you think you may want to share with others that has moved you, changed you, that has perhaps made such an impact in your life that if you were to share it with others, it would benefit them.

The Power of Words

Okay, I want to let you know something. You know, the words we use in our lives have a greater impact than we think they have. That's going to be the takeaway message today.

The words you and I use and the words that others use have a greater impact on those they are used upon or with or for than we would ever know, subhanAllah. We underestimate the power of words. This is why the most powerful word is that of Allah.

Look at the Quran, study it. They're only positive words. Even when the warnings are given, they're given in a very respectful way, sometimes strong, but respectful message, really powerful.

And if you notice, every time Allah gives a warning, He always immediately, either before or after, adds in a good word of hope. Whenever He speaks of the fire of jahannam, you will notice just before that or just after that, He always tells you about jannah. You know why? If we were only to speak about hell, everyone would feel so doomed that they would think there is no hope for me to go to heaven.

And therefore Allah says, no, there is. You know what? Those who believe and do good deeds are the companions. They are the ones who will be and who are the companions of paradise.

This was immediately after and in some cases before. Allah telling us and warning us about those who do otherwise and where they would go. Now, you know, for those of us who are married and have children, May Allah make those children the coolness of your eyes.

Say Ameen. For those of us who are married and don't have children, May Allah bless you with offspring who will be the coolness of your eyes. And prior to that, may Allah make that spouse of yours also the coolness of your eyes.

Say Ameen. And those of us who are not yet married, May Allah help you and bless you with offspring who will be the coolness of your eyes. Say Ameen.

That was a loud Ameen. If you notice, I didn't say may Allah bless you with a spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes. Did you notice that? Do you know why? No, I prefer a two-in-one.

You know when you buy a shampoo, you can either buy the shampoo and the conditioner. Or you can have a two-in-one. Subhanallah.

Sometimes now there's a three-in-one. What's the third thing? A little moisturizer inside there, right? Subhanallah. They throw in anything, two-in-one, three-in-one, four-in-one, you wonder.

You know, I lived in Medina for a while. When I started off in 1991 in Medina Munawwara, I remember those who used to take people to sightsee, not just sightsee, They call it Ziyarah, you know, to go and visit the places. There were 17 places they used to take you to in a bus.

You leave in the morning, come back, perhaps a tour, sometimes even a little bit later. And they would show you 17 places. And I was like, wow, guess what happened? I left seven years later, six and a half years later.

They were taking the people to 45 places. I wondered where the rest of the places came from. But then they started adding places.

You know, this is where the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam sat. Did he really sit there? You know, and this is where, oh, this is where they passed by. Did they really pass by here? I wonder.

But anyway, the point is people add things just for marketing purposes. We need to verify it, make sure. If it is right, Alhamdulillah, even if there are a hundred places, it's okay.

But if it's just a marketing strategy, then it's wrong. And I know the last stop was a stop at an ice cream shop. I almost waited to hear them say the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam stopped here for ice cream.

But they didn't do that. May Allah forgive us. This is called marketing in a false way.

However, getting back to the point, that shampoo you have two-in-one, three-in-one and so on. I tell you what, when I say you're not married yet and I said Allah bless you with good offspring. Don't say I'm not married yet.

Just say Amen. You know why? If that dua is accepted, you first have to get a good wife or a husband, right? Say it's a two-in-one, three-in-one, right? May Allah bless us all with children who will be the coolness of our eyes. That includes those who don't have children, those who have children, those who are married, those who are not married, those divorced, those widowed, every one of us.

May Allah bless us. It's a positive word. Now the reason I say this, my brothers and sisters, as we have these children and we see them, we see them grow.

Programming and Language Development

Initially, they cannot speak and they cannot understand what you're saying. But very quickly Allah gives them the ability to be programmed. Programmed such that whatever language you're speaking, they start speaking it.

You know, in my home, there are a few languages that the inhabitants speak, mashallah, the family members, right? So if there is a single person in the home who only speaks in a specific language to that child, the child will pick up that language in its entirety. Even if there are five people with five different languages, the condition is each one of them must never speak another language with that child besides the language they want the child to pick up. So grandma, grandpa, they speak a certain language only with a child.

The child will pick up that language. Mom and dad speak only a certain language. A brother or an uncle speaks only a certain language.

How many languages can the child take in? As many as you want because that's the programming. The condition remains, don't use another language. Back in Africa, we have maids and house helpers who speak different languages.

And sometimes you find the child speaks that language because that's the only language that particular person spoke. I remember in Saudi Arabia, I met people who are Arabs who speak Indonesian. They speak Filipino and Tagalog and so on.

You wonder how? But they had someone in the home who only spoke that language. It's amazing how they absorb. Watch the words.

They are powerful, powerful. Not only do the children absorb, they begin to understand. When you use abusive language, they will abuse from an early age.

When you use hurtful words, they will use those words from an early age. When you use the dhikr of Allah, the Quran, they will memorize that and know it from the age of three and four. Recently, there was a clip doing its rounds on social media of a child who was reciting the Quran at three years old.

I don't know if you've seen the clip. There are many such clips, but the one I'm talking about, a little child reciting the Quran at three years old. And they were saying this child is a complete havoc, testing the child from this place and that place.

I promise you, my brothers and sisters, someone asked me, how can I let this happen to my child? I said, too late. Serena and Venus Williams on a totally different, you know, topic or on a totally different field, for example. The father apparently, from what I read, if it's accurate, took a tennis racket to the hospital when they were born.

What happened? Go and read about it. They became world champions. The dedication was from moment one.

You know, I wonder, subhanallah, we are taught that when the child is in the womb, it starts. What did the mother listen to? What were you doing? If you don't ever listen to the Quran, you don't read the Quran, you're only into Bollywood and everything else and all sorts of woods that happen nowadays. You know what? The child will know those songs better than anything else.

And you're wondering how come this child is actually, you know, I've seen little children, other clips, you know, the world, mashallah, has become a global village. You've seen these little kids with all these dance moves. Not to say that I intentionally watched it, by the way.

But people send it and you happen to see, wow, and a small child, you know, we call it bopping and jiving. I don't know what you call it. But the child is literally making these moves like you can't believe, subhanallah.

Do you know why? They invested in it. That's why. They invested in it heavily.

The child has watched it, seen it, been there, gone to those classes with mom or dad or both or whoever else. And that was what was ingrained. So watch out.

Marriage and Relationships

Allah gives you as a parent control over your child to a greater degree initially and then slowly takes it away such that the decision of marriage is no longer yours. It's the child's alone. Did you hear that? You can advise.

You cannot make the decision. If your daughter says no, it's a no. You can advise.

If your son says no, it's a no. And if they come up with their idea, you have to look into two things. If they tick the two, you have to let it happen.

If not, you've gone against the teachings of the Prophet, peace be upon him. A lot of our kids are suffering. I get emails from many, many people every day telling me, you know, my mom is not agreeing.

My dad is not agreeing. Do you know what? They're not blind. Our kids are not blind.

They see people at the universities, at workplaces, etc, etc. You know what? Sometimes these are decent, reasonable, good people. Your communication with your child should be such that when they like someone, the first person that they tell is you.

You. And when they tell you, don't just say, I don't want this to happen. They're going to meet them every day anyway.

Sometimes they let you know when it's a little bit too late. You need to rise to the occasion, find out a little bit more, check. If they tick the two boxes of Deen and Khuluq, let it happen.

What's that? If their level of closeness to Allah is acceptable, similar to yours, a little bit this way, that way, 5% off the mark, perhaps, it's okay. Let it be, number one. The second condition, if their level of character, conduct and responsibility is acceptable and it's ticked off, let it happen.

If the child is responsible, even if they're not wealthy, they will be very successful in life. They'll take care of your son or your daughter. It's a responsibility.

I want to let you know, all of us who are seated here, there might be a few exceptions, but all of us from what I know, there was a time when us or our forefathers didn't have much in terms of the material wealth of this world. They got married. They probably couldn't afford shoes.

They couldn't afford a house, a car. It was a dream. If the father-in-law had come and said, what do you own? That's the first question when interrogating your mother wouldn't have been married to your father.

We have a problem. That's the first question and the main thing we look for when Allah says, It's about marriage. This verse is about marriage.

Allah says, you get them married and Allah speaks about something and gives us a little bit of advice about marriage and so on. Allah says, if that person who's upright and responsible, if they're poor, but they tick the boxes, Allah says, Allah will bless them with sustenance from his own virtue. That's what happened to a lot of us, but we don't want it for our children.

Many of us have not seen wealth until recently. We couldn't afford much until recently and some of us still we're not that wealthy. It's hand to mouth and Alhamdulillah, at least we can afford a little meal of saffron now and again.

But I promise you, with our children, no, what does he own? You mean he doesn't have a job? You mean he doesn't have this? You mean he doesn't have that? Yes, find out why he doesn't have a job. If it's laziness on his part, he doesn't tick the box. But if he's a responsible person and he's still finishing his school, etc, help them.

They'll get along, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years later, cryptocurrency will be the in thing. They will be millionaires. I see you guys are no longer in into crypto, right? I promise you, just keep watching.

Okay, just keep watching. I might know something you don't. It's not our topic today, but that should be a topic one day, Inshallah.

Who knows? Anyway, that's off the mark. I see the guys are really not interested in crypto. You've already lost enough, right? Okay.

So what I meant here is one day Allah will bless them, Allah will give them, something will happen, responsible, good. I'd rather have my daughter with a guy who doesn't have much, who's going to honor her, love her, respect her, spoil her, than to be with a wealthy guy who's hardly ever there and his life is in a shambles. Why? Where is our deen and akhlaq gone? Yes, if you have everything and you've ticked off all five, six boxes, even the voluntary boxes, you're lucky.

You're fortunate. Thank Allah. But not everyone's wife's name is Noor.

May Allah grant us ease. My brothers, my sisters, you know, when we tell our child at a young age, one was them hearing us. Like I said, the child is programmed by the mother, the father.

Hadith on Natural Disposition

(Sahih al-Bukhari Hadith 1385)

The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam says every child is born upon the nature, natural. Everything is ready for programming. So the parents program them either into Judaism or into Christianity or into perhaps another faith or perhaps into good Muslim, subhanallah.

The Impact of Words on Children

It's the programming, it happens. When you speak to your child, your brother, your sister, the one who you work with, the one who works for you, the one whom you work for, a relative, a person you interact with, whoever else it might be, with bad words, hard words, harsh words, many things happen. Number one, you've engaged in a sin.

The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam asked us to speak with respectful words, even if you disagree. I've come across people telling their own kids, Hey, you're a pig. Have you heard that? You're a dog.

You're an animal. You're dark. You're dirty.

You're black. You're thick. You're stupid.

You're immature. When you say this to your children, there is definitely a reaction. Definitely.

You're pressing the wrong button on your computer. Do you know that? You know what's going to happen? It's going to jam. It's not going to work.

There comes a time when not only will the child use those words, but there is a negative impact in the hard drive of the child. They will react to it either then or a little bit later or sometime later in their lives when they are married, maybe when they are fathers. And then you find if you go to a psychologist, you will find or to a specialist, you'll find they will trace it back to the days you were abused by your own parents.

So watch your words. These are either empowering words or destructive words that will destroy. But we don't realize.

You think you're in authority. Allah is watching you. You cannot tell your child or anyone else bad words. It's haram. Your child is an amanah. Your neighbor is an amanah.

It's a trust. Allah chose your neighbor. Today who you're sitting next to.

It was Allah's plan, designed to give you the opportunity either to earn closeness to Allah or to earn a sin. What do you want to do? Say a good word. Assalamualaikum.

MashaAllah. You've got some rewards. Wa rahmatullahi.

Another few rewards. Wa barakatuhu. Another few rewards.

Smile. Another few rewards. MashaAllah.

Subhanallah. I could say a little bit more, but we're at saffron. It's okay.

I was going to say share your food, you know, give them before you eat. It's okay. You should though.

May Allah grant us goodness. Everyone's here for a purpose. Are we going to be selfish? That's just an example.

But Allah tailor makes everything. When someone is road raging and you're a witness to it or a victim of it or a perpetrator of it. Don't think Allah doesn't know or didn't plan it or it's just happening like that.

It was planned by Allah to watch what you do. When someone speaks bad about you, be it online or offline, live or not live. Live meaning right in front of you, on your face.

When they say bad words, they accuse you, they say false. It will hurt you. But how do you react? In an equally bad fashion or are you going to convert it into a reward? You can smile and carry on, subhanallah.

They might not understand what you do. Sometimes it's a bit hardcore. It's a little bit heavy.

No problem. They will be jealous. Jealousy is within what shaytan has actually pushed into mankind.

Jealousy, protect your heart from it. It will make you say things and do things that will not help you, destroy you. Not everyone who's made money is pushing drugs or dealing in something illegal.

But that's what people think. Oh, this person made money. They bought a car.

Wow, I'm sure they're pushing drugs. Have you heard that before? That's what they say. I'm sure they're doing something.

In my part of the world, they say they're doing diamonds. You know what? You can actually dig around your yard and find a few diamonds. Anyone ready to come to Zimbabwe? Mashallah, the perks of it.

No electricity, no water, no proper sanitation, no proper rolls. But diamonds, mashallah. What else? Gold.

What else? All of that, subhanallah, there is a legal way of doing it and an illegal way of doing it. Getting back to my point. You've got to make sure that you think good and you say good things.

Every word is a programming that you utter within someone else. I've come across people who get married and they're so quiet. They don't talk.

Some people not married. As they grow older, they can't say anything. They're just too quiet.

You know why? When they were young, nothing they ever did was good enough. Nothing. Nothing they ever did was good enough.

Mom and dad didn't realize it's your firstborn. You pick on the way they sat, the way they ate, the way they spoke, the way they dressed, the way they moved, the way they were at school. Everything was just not good enough.

There are many of us here and perhaps a lot outside as well who just don't praise their own kids. Everything is negative. You're just not good enough.

You could have got... You know what I told my children? You go to school to enjoy yourself. Work as hard as you can and do your best. Even if you fail, I still love you.

For as long as you worked hard, you tried your best, you enjoyed your days. Mashallah. You don't have to have A grades because evidence of it is the richest from amongst us failed at school.

It's not connected to how much money you have. In most cases, there are some exceptions. In my part of the world, when I look at the wealthiest, they haven't even passed grade 7 sometimes.

Loaded. Very wealthy. That's Allah showing you that, you know what? It's not necessarily connected.

It may be or it may not be. In the eyes of Allah, there's nothing. He doesn't need you to have a degree in order to get wealth.

The idea is you go to school, you enjoy your days. Yes, you try your best. You want love from your parents because the programming comes with love.

We should love one another. You have a spouse, a wife or a husband. I've got to say both.

Before we only used to speak about how men treat their wives. Now, there is a problem even the other way, although perhaps it may be lesser, but it's growing. We need to address it.

I tell you what? Say loving words to your spouse. Understand that your spouse comes from a different background, different mentality, different upbringing, different parents, different surroundings, different everything. And you know what? You have to tolerate.

You have to respect. You have to say good words. You have to keep doing that a year, two years, five years, and then you find yourself settling down.

Settling down. You settle down at that juncture. If you don't have loving words, kind words, beautiful words from your own spouse, it's not going to work long.

Even if you're at a distance, but you keep on speaking to your spouse, Telling them how much you miss them, how much you love them, how much you respect them, how much you appreciate them, how much, you know, everything else. How much you just keep looking at their whatever, you know, face on your phone or whatever else, you know, that's your spouse at the end of the day. Those are words.

They're an investment, not just for the year after, even in your own relationship, even in your own relationship. Wow, everyone loves to be appreciated. We only pick on the food when there's something wrong with it.

What about the millions of times we've eaten when we didn't even think of the fact that there was nothing wrong with this food. So these words mean a lot. Watch your words.

Behavioral Patterns and Upbringing

I have come to learn that many people behave the way they behave because of how they were spoken to and treated when they were young. I want to say that again because people don't take this seriously. From amongst us, nearly all of us, the way we behave and the way we actually speak very closely, the way we are, even, you know, people say it's my nature, my character.

That character was developed at some stage and there was a big role, a big role, not necessarily the entire role. In fact, not the entire role, a big role played by how you were treated and spoken to as you were young and you grew up and what happened in your life. You lost a parent, a deficit.

How was it filled? It wasn't what happened. A lot of the young boys and girls on drugs, sometimes with mental, you know, illness and so on. Some of them, their issues, a lot of them, in fact, their issues that they cannot cope with.

Their issues that have transpired in their lives, had they happened to you, you'd have been a bigger goner than anyone else. And they are struggling, reach out to them. You don't just look at a child who's struggling with mental issues or with anything else and say, oh, this person's mad.

No, what did they go through? What's my responsibility? What should I do? What has happened in this child's life? What made it such that the child got to where they are? Very, very important. We don't look at it that way. And we think, well, we're Muslim.

You know, your Iman is weak. What Iman? Who nurtured that Iman? Who spoke to the child? Who actually gave the child respect? You want your child or the others to grow up properly, your spouse, whoever else? Amazing. You just need to respect them and they will learn and automatically, not only respect themselves, but how to respect others, how to talk, how to look at everyone else.

You didn't spend time with them. There's something that's going to go wrong in their lives. The deficit will be filled in another way.

A lot of the children and others are hooked on to pornography. Why? There is a reason sometimes. It goes back to somewhere.

So why am I talking about it if already they're on it? I'm talking about it for the sake of all of us to change the way we treat others, especially those in our circles. Not all your children will be the same. Not all your brothers and sisters will be the same.

Part of that balance that you desperately need is family. You need family. You might think I'm independent. I don't need family. In order to have that balanced life, if Allah has blessed you with siblings, He wants you to make an effort to go out and resolve matters. That is called silatul rahim in Islam.

It is a powerful, massive topic and Allah says, I will mend with those who mend with their relatives. Subhanallah. He calls it rahim because it's from rahma, it's from mercy.

So the womb is called the place of mercy, subhanallah, because you related through the womb. Be kind, go out of your way to solve matters, problems. And in this way, Allah will not only elevate your status, but you have a balanced upbringing.

Resolve your matters. Don't allow them to get into the next generation. Sometimes you have a problem with your brother because of the wife or the sister, because of the husband or because of another reason, because of business.

A lot of the times we have problems because of money. Wallahi, the relationship is more valuable than the money. Because I tell you what, your children, if you allow that matter to get into the next generation, you're messing up the whole ummah.

We are fragmented into such pieces that there seems in the eyes of the onlooker, no hope to bring this ummah together. But Allah will. For us, we see four pieces, they're making eight.

From eight, they're making 16. So we have to say, there's only hope in the mercy of Allah. But from our eyes, we don't see really that things are getting any better.

They're getting worse. People in this ummah are killing one another. People in humanity, the children of the same Adam and the same Eve are literally butchering each other.

For what? They don't have respect of one another. Intolerant. How do you address the matter of those who differ with you in your home? If you just come in, that guy is a coward, he's talking a lot.

You know, the way you word things, be respectful. You can tell your child, you know, we have a few differences. But MashaAllah, that's also, that's what I do.

We have differences, we have strong disagreements. But MashaAllah, they're human beings. They're doing a little bit of good work as well, etc.

This is with people whom we differ with completely. But does everyone talk like that? No. In a lot of our homes, we're swearing and shouting at people.

Sometimes scholars who belong even to the same sect and not only scholars but others. Just because of one thing we may not have understood or two or a little bit more or less. That's all.

And what did we do? We destroyed the child's upbringing completely. When your child, let's not say your child. When the child is on drugs and committing crimes and jailed, etc.

Perhaps if they were inclined slightly towards that particular person, you had a problem with because of one thing, they might have been saved from all of this. Who knows? And this is why what's becoming more and more important. We were asked a question here.

What do you do in your spare time? And don't say I don't have any. A brother asked me, what do you do? Initially, I just to have a laugh, I said I don't have any spare time. What do you do in your spare time? I said I don't have any and we had a good laugh.

Then I said, Wallahi, if I were to tell you the honest truth, I spend that time with my family. All of it. All of it.

What's my hobby? Spending time with my family. It's my hobby. I'm always back at home.

I'm always with my family. Do you know why? I learned over the years, one of the best gifts you can ever give your family, be it a spouse, children or anyone of your family, spend time with them. That's it.

And not spend time doesn't mean I'm at home, but I'm on my phone. No. You're at home.

You talk to them. You play with them. You come to them.

You have tea with them. You sit with them. You tell them how much you love them, how much you care for them.

You look at them. You smile at them. You see them.

You don't just pick on everything. Dad, you're hardly at home. And when you come home, you're picking on everything here.

Why don't you spend a bit more time at home? We'll see. I remember there was a man when I was in India at one stage and a man came to me. He was a revert and he says, you know, I'm a Muadhin at this Masjid.

This is a true story. Okay. So, he says I'm a Muadhin at this Masjid and you know, I do the Adhan here.

So now the guy who's running the show here, you know, meaning they call him a Mutwali, right? The guy who's actually in charge of the Masjid. He's telling me you don't know how to make Adhan. You don't know how to make Adhan.

Now, what do I do? So, I told him, brother, I'll teach you, you know, over time. Let's hear your Adhan. He said, Adhan is okay.

I said, you know what? Do me a favor. This guy tells you this every day. He said, yes.

I said, do me a favor. Brother, can you move the chair slightly because we're doing a little recording from the front there. So, I said, do me a favor.

Tell this man yourself that you know what? Can you please call the Adhan once and I'll copy you, right? Call the Adhan once and he knew that he didn't know how to call the Adhan. So, when this man went to him and told him, you know what? I really want to learn the Adhan. Why don't you do it today and I'll call the Adhan exactly how you call it.

Sadly, the young man was fired. Astaghfirullah. He was fired because obviously this guy took it as an insult. You know, I don't know how to make the Adhan. What are you telling me to make it? But the moral of the story was two, three things. Number one, I shouldn't have told him that.

I had to look for another job for the same brother because obviously he was fired as a result of my advice. Secondly, you know what? It's an ego issue. You don't know how to call the Adhan properly and you're trying to instruct someone to do something you yourself cannot.

Why I'm giving you this example is because a lot of us as parents or even anyone in a responsible position, we come to our children and the others in a way that we ourselves are not. You tell your child, I don't want you to watch porn and you're deeply involved and the child catches you. Wallahi, I get messages from people saying, you know, I caught my mom doing this.

My mom's having an affair with the guy down the road. Wow, and the child is 14, 15 or my dad. My dad says, you know, I've seen his phone, dirty messages from this and you know, and what do you do? They asked me what to do.

I've learned a lesson because you give them some little piece of advice to say confront and suddenly there's a big disaster, but they need help. So this thing messes the brain. Why? It's an action.

They look up to you naturally from Allah. Allah makes your children look up to you when they see that you've done something that is a huge blunder. You know, when I was young, I'm going to tell you something that might make you laugh, but it's a fact.

I at a certain stage believe that parents don't pass wind. That's how perfect the parents were. I won't tell you when that changed.

But subhanallah, you then learn that, you know what, they're just human as well. But that's a God-given respect from the beginning. You look up, that's your dad.

That's your mom. They're like the queen and the king of the whole world. Don't spoil that.

I've always said that, you know what, a lot of us have kids while we ourselves are still kids. We haven't even grown up, man. We can't even quit a habit.

You can't quit porn. You can't even quit an affair that you're having and you've got kids. Are you okay in your head? They say, yeah, there's no problem.

Who said I can't have? Just be responsible. You know why? Your actions are equally powerful. I spoke about words.

Now I'm telling you about actions. Your actions are so powerful, my brothers and sisters, that Allah has instilled in that mind, computerized, which is receiving the programming at the early age, such that only by acting without even speaking, the child will mimic you completely. How many of our children at the age of one, they can barely communicate with you besides with the ah and the ooh, you know, and they want to do salah with you.

They're in sujood with you. They fight for your burqa. They fight for, you know, your kufiya if you're wearing one.

That's what they call it in Cape Town. Your headgear, your clothing. They want to dress like mom or dad or whoever else.

They want to come to the masjid. They want to be with you. You know why? Can't you think Allah's instilled in this child a certain type of receiving device that receives from the parents or those who are around and those who are elderly, who have been responsible for the upbringing of the child, automatic reception.

It's Allah. It's there. It's like a connected strong Wi-Fi completely all the time.

Whatever comes in here goes in there. Whatever comes in, your words, your actions. That's why my brothers and sisters on the day of judgment, we need to be worried about our words and our actions.

Those are the things that will actually make us or break us. We've made others or broken them with our own words and our actions. We need to be careful.

Building Others

Let's build people, build your children, promise from today. You go home, your spouse, your kids, your sisters, those you interact with, those that come to lessons and those you go to school with and those, no matter what field you're in, you address everyone with absolute respect. That smile on the face, if it happens to be a sadaqa, it means it's a very big deal.

Your expression is a massive deal. If Allah says to us through the blessed lips of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam that to smile is an act of charity, Trust me, it's better than a lot of what you can ever offer. It's a massive deal.

Smile, have a good expression. You change the world. Say good words.

Keep telling your child, I love you. Oh, you did very well. Ah, you came forth.

Oh, that's lovely. There are 30 guys who took part. You came forth.

I can't even believe it. Wow, mashallah. You get a little gift for the child.

You make them feel so important. They feel so good. The next time they might even come out first.

They start believing in themselves. They have this confidence. And I've seen children, and I can tell you when I interact with children right now, a lot of the times we can tell, sometimes maybe it's the health, and sometimes it might be other factors.

But a lot of the times, you can actually tell this child struggling at home because the parents are not real parents. They're just there by the way. You don't just shove your child into something.

You don't just push and slap. That's a quick way out. It's no longer applicable.

Not at all. In fact, it was never applicable, but people used it. We need to make sure that we actually think before we do things about the reactions.

Deep reaction. 20 years later when you're dead, I know of families where superhero parents who people thought were superheroes, the child comes out and says, you don't even know this person. You know, today I am who I am, and I'm a disaster and a failure because my father kept telling me, you're a failure.

What are you going to do in life? What are you going to do in life? Another thing, we curse our kids. How dare you curse a gift of Allah that came to you? Make a dua for the child. You're doomed.

I pray Allah breaks you, destroy you, you're going to fail in life. How can you say that to your own kids? Where are you heading? What's happening? May Allah grant us ease. Would you like someone to keep telling you that? Keep telling me.

And you know what we do? We keep repeating these words sometimes. Some people keep repeating negative words to the same person again and again and again. They begin to believe this and they start thinking that they're a goner.

Hence, they go into drugs, they go into other things, they go into the nightlife and the dirty life and the unacceptable things and they start doubting who they are. You know why? You never ever gave them that firm conviction about who they are. So now they're doubting their own identity.

May Allah make it easy. Why have kids if you're not going to play a role in their lives? That's positive. And I'm sure from amongst us, there are those who are seated who must have faced such challenges in the past.

People who are addicted to things and there are so many things you could be addicted to. A lot of the times it's a result of some deficit that something like I said earlier that has happened in the past. So my

brothers and sisters, let's be empowering.

Let's be people who can actually give. Keep on repeating words of hope. You will feel that hope, you'll feel empowered even in the worst of situations.

Keep on reminding people of the mercy of Allah intertwined with a warning here and there. Because there are people about the hope of Allah at a time when the whole world is struggling with hopelessness. Trust me, you're going to get somewhere.

It will help you to begin with and you empower them. They begin to feel that, wow, there is in humanity a little guiding light that makes me feel good. When you feel good, your laziness goes.

That empowerment makes you get up for salah. You feel worthwhile. You feel like you have some value.

Feeling good. I'm okay. You know, I'm not someone who's downtrodden.

People greet me. You know, why is greeting so important? Because you're giving someone else an acknowledgement. As-salamu alaykum.

The Importance of Greetings

As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah. Look at the person, greet, smile, give them a good expression.

Sahih al-Bukhari Hadith 28

You greet all of those, those you know, those you don't know.

Do we do that? No. To greet someone is empowering them, giving them a sense of identity, belonging. I belong.

Look, this person is my brother, my sister. This person is mashallah, you know. And then you walk to school or you walk to work every day, you see the same face greeting you, you feel acknowledged.

You don't see them for two days, you start wondering, I wonder what happened to this person, right? Why are you concerned? Because they always empowered you with the greeting or the other way around. And they always acknowledge that, subhanallah. That's why the hadith says, the best from amongst you is who? The better from the two.

Sahih al-Bukhari Hadith 6235

The best from the two is the one who starts with the salam. You know, there's a long hadith which speaks about how the people who are standing should greet the ones who are seated, the ones who are passing should greet the ones, et cetera, et cetera. The younger should greet the older and so on.

Closing

May Allah bless you all.