Choices for a Purposeful Life by Sh. Mohammad Faqih

Choices for a Purposeful Life

Khutbah by Sheikh Mohammad Faqih

Introduction

Dear brothers and sisters, I have to be very honest with you. I was talking to a colleague of mine right before the last session. And I was very nervous about this particular topic.

Because I know that it will be held against me. Whatever I say will be held against me. And I knew that I had two options.

Either I can come here and perform and try to impress and in the process violate the very topic that I'm supposed to be addressing and talking about. Or I can come here and speak to myself and address my own struggle. And try to connect with anyone else that finds the same struggle that I find to be a lifelong struggle.

And that is to live a purposeful life. So I decided to come and speak from the heart. And turned off my device where the notes were.

The Purpose of Creation

Brothers and sisters, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created us. I remember one time asking this question just to provoke my audience. I said, why do you think Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created women? I really want to know.

And the very next day, and it was a series of khatiras, short talks. Of course people came, a lot of people came that were not there because of that question that I asked. And I said, I will address the answer to this question on the next night.

This was during the month of Ramadan. So many people came. Obviously, many sisters came as well just to see what this new imam is going to be saying about this.

And of course, everyone was waiting for me to say the wrong thing. So I said, as far as I know, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created women for the very same purpose that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created men.

And the dilemma that you and I face every single day, every single morning, every day Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gives us another opportunity to either live by and for that purpose, or to distract ourselves and turn away from that purpose and get caught up with trivial things.

That's a dilemma that we face every single day. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala made that purpose very, very clear. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created us for a lofty purpose.

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created us for Himself, to be for Him and to live for Him. And our motto in life is supposed to be the very motto that the prophets and messengers came with.

The Life Motto from the Quran

Say, that my prayer, my worship, and my living, I continue to live, my continuous living, every day, every moment, 24x7.

وَمَمَاتِي

And my death, whether it is a minor death, every night I go to sleep, or ultimately, the final moment in my life.

From the beginning until the end, it is for Allah, the Lord of the worlds.

وَبِذَٰلِكَ أُمِرْتُ

And I was commanded to do so, to live in such a fashion. That reflects this purpose.

وَأَنَا۠ أَوَّلُ الْمُسْلِمِينَ

I'm the first of the believers, that's for the Prophets. And as for us,

وَأَنَا مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِينَ

I am of the Muslims, those who submit their lives, their passion, and everything they've got to Allah, the Almighty.

Living for the Purpose

Otherwise, this life is a waste. And the beauty of this motto that Allah gives us in the Quran, the beauty of this principle, is that it does not leave anything out. You can be doing whatever you're doing, so long that it is within the parameters of the shari'ah.

So long that you're not violating the teachings of our Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. So long it's consistent, and it's in alignment with the Quranic principles, you can be doing whatever you're doing in life and still fulfill that purpose, and be rewarded.

However, there's a choice that has to be made, brothers and sisters.

The Three Elements of Habit Formation

One lesson I learned from my class that I teach, and every time I go over this particular section, the class that I teach in Al-Maghreb Institute called Rules of Engagement, Islamic Code of Ethics. We talk about habit changing. How do we change our habits? Because this is a struggle.

We start a particular pattern, a particular regimen. We were told today to start praying Qiyam al-Layl. And very often, in conventions or gatherings like this, people get motivated, so they start something.

But the unfortunate part is that after we leave, it fades away, the effects fades away. And we don't keep up with whatever we started at the conference, at the convention. So one of the problems is that we don't know how habits change.

So there's this famous book that most of you are familiar with that talks about what it takes to create a habit. And in that book, in the very first section of that book, the mystery is resolved. And for those who were asking earlier in a session, when we were talking about, how do I know that the Qur'an is relevant? We're in the 21st century.

Subhanallah, every time I attend a session, whether it's on leadership or time management, or any of those workshops or seminars, and I'm talking about seminars and workshops that come from a secular perspective.

While they're discussing things, every time there's a beautiful concept or principle that is useful, there is always a hadith, or there's a Qur'anic verse that actually confirms that. And they just keep popping.

I'm like, subhanallah, the Prophet just talked about that. So this principle is that habits are found at the center or at the intersection of three things: knowledge, skill, and desire. Knowledge, skill, and desire.

Knowledge: The How and Why

Knowledge answers and addresses a very key question, and that is how, to, and why. And that's where in many cases we fail. How, and even most importantly, why? What's the purpose? Why am I doing what I'm doing?

If we answer this question, and in many cases, people don't like to really address this question. We don't want to face it.

Skill: The Capability

Skill, brothers and sisters, it is something that you either possess naturally. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has blessed each and every single one of us with the skills and capabilities to fulfill this purpose for which He created us. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will not burden us with something that we will not be capable of fulfilling or delivering.

So you either have it, or you have the capacity to acquire it. That shouldn't be a problem.

Desire: The Missing Element

Then comes desire, and that is what is really missing. In the lives of so many people, do we have the desire? Do we have to desire to commit to this purpose or not?

In everything that we do, whether it is my personal life and personal choices, whether it is that major that I choose, or that career that I pursue, or in my family life, the way I approach marriage, the way I conduct myself and behave within my household, or my involvement and engagement in my community and in the greater society in which I live.

Do I have the desire to fulfill that purpose for which Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created me? So these are the two things that are missing. The skill is there, brothers and sisters.

And if you have the desire, you can acquire it even if you don't have it. But the two points that are missing in many of our lives are the first one and the last one. The knowledge which addresses and answers why and how, and the desire.

And that's a decision that you have to make. That's a decision that I have to make for myself. That's a question that I have to answer for myself.

The Problem of Purposeless Marriages

Very often, and I know that the day unfortunately started with a story where I was quoted. I come from an area that is devastated with an increase and a rise in divorce rates amongst Muslims. And you know, I see the problem even with those marriages, 10 years, 15 years, marriages that last a decade and two decades.

I see the problem in these marriages as I am conducting nikah ceremonies where people are totally heedless as to what the purpose of marriage or the purpose of this is. And we approach marriage like we approach everything else in life, where we do things because it's about time. And in some cases, just for the heck of it.

Brother, why did you choose this major? I don't know, I guess.

Sister, what is so special about this brother? I don't know, he's cute, he has a beautiful smile.

Brother, what is it that you're really looking for in a marriage? I don't know, all I care about is Miss America and a jilbab.

Speaking of Miss America, we're not related by the way. I am Faqih with a Q, that's K.

Then after that, the marriage itself, where you have people who totally forget the purpose of that marriage. In fact, they even forget the very vows and principles upon which that marriage was established.

A Marriage Counseling Example

And I remember one particular case where the couple got very nasty with each other. And it was a conference call. On one end, the brother is speaking. On the other end, she's responding to him. Everyone is waiting for the other one to make a mistake.

And at one point, it got out of control that they were not even listening to me, that I had to scream and I say, are you listening to yourselves? Can you please tell me, on what basis did you two come together?

They said, what are you talking about?

I said, what were the basis upon which this relationship of yours became legitimate? I said, in other words, I want you to remind me of the very words and vows that you two exchanged in order for this to become a valid marriage.

And they were not able to remember so. They were not able to remember a very simple statement that many people repeat. Why? Because when the time comes, when that moment comes, everybody wants the imam to get through it real quick.

Give us the short version. And they just wanna repeat what the imam is saying. They're not really paying attention to it.

Why? Because the purpose is not really clear. We repeat words and we make statements that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala refers to in the Qur'an as

مِيثَاقًا غَلِيظًا

Reference: Quran 4:21

This is a serious covenant. This is a serious covenant.

People normally say that I take this person or I give you the hand of my daughter and I accept her hand in marriage in accordance to the book of Allah and the tradition of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم

And when I reminded them of that, they said, yeah, oh, that part. Yes, yes, we remember.

So I said, tell me, where in the book of Allah or the tradition of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم do you find the type of attitude that you're having and you're demonstrating with one another right now? Tell me.

Tell me where in the book of Allah or the tradition of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم do you find the type of issues that you are right now complaining about and that you're pointing fingers at each other?

Tell me where do you find these issues that rocked your marriage in the book of Allah or the sunnah of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم

The problem of this marriage is that it did not start on the basis of the book of Allah and the tradition of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. Nor was it maintained on the basis of the book of Allah or the tradition of his Prophet