Some Advice to the Muslim Women Lecture

Some Advice to the Muslim Women

Lecture by Khalid Yasin

Opening

Alright everyone, (بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ - bismillahir-rahmanir-rahim)

Dear Muslim brothers and sisters, our advice this morning is to our Muslim sisters, and it is only just advice, inshallah. Originally, we discussed the possibility of addressing the topic, the special role of the Muslim woman. In my estimation, this would take a little bit more time, or it requires a little more time and preparation than what we have this morning, because it's a more comprehensive subject. And we don't want to approach a comprehensive and sensitive subject like that in a short amount of time. And we also understand that we have some breakfast arranged, and so also that food has some right over us.

And so what we want to do this morning is just to address the issue of advice to the Muslim sisters. And in doing so, we want to just touch upon some issues relative to the sensitivity of the women. And in doing so, I want the sisters to know that I am not addressing this matter conclusively. I am not issuing any fatawa, or I'm not making any type of hukum upon them about these matters. But I'm just going to discuss some issues which, from my background and experience, I know constantly come up relative to the behaviour, responsibility, and the rights of the Muslim sisters.

Commendation to Our Muslim Sisters

First of all, I'd like to commend our Muslim sisters that in this age of fitna and provocation and immorality and liberalism and confusion, may Allah reward those sisters who are part of the goodly tree. Those who have made the commitment to:

• Keep their hijab
• Keep themselves pure
• Fulfil their obligation to worship Allah
• Study the Quran among themselves
• Follow the sunnah of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ)
• Face their non-Muslim families or their non-practicing families
• Stay quietly and dignified in their houses and rehearse from the verses of Allah and the guidance of His Messenger (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ)
• Serve their husbands without complaints
• Raise their children upon the aqeedah of Islam
• Impart to their children and their families the adab of Islam
• Engage as much as they can in the remembrance of Allah
• Engage in tazkiyah, purging their home environment from the fitna of the dajjal and immorality

And I'd like to remind our brothers that none of us, if we were given the awesome responsibility, could do what the women do. Psychologically, you cannot do it. Your mind is not prepared to do what they do, day in and day out. If a man had to get pregnant and have a baby, he would die. And then on top of that, if he had to look forward to taking care of that child for the next 10, 15, 20 years, and sometime the mother, she's taking care of a grown child. Men who still live with their mothers, you couldn't do it. And still she's taking care of herself, and she's taking care of her husband.

May Allah reward those sisters. And may Allah cover their faults. May Allah cause the husbands and brothers and sons to appreciate them, because they are the goodly trees that bear the goodly fruit Allah mentioned in the Quran.

Understanding Women's Complaints

My dear Muslim sisters, I understand clearly that you have issues. And we want to talk about some of those issues, and I'm going to mention those issues as they come to me on a regular basis. And keep this in mind, I have a mother. I have a wife. I have a sister. And I'm not always fulfilling my duties and rights to them. So I'm hearing the complaints from time to time. And then I am hearing the complaints of the Muslim women all over every place.

But when the Messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) was frequently complained to by women, his answer was:

"These are not the best from among you."

When the women came complaining to the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) about their husbands, he said, "These are not the best from among you." The scholars, they said this is a very answer of hikmah from the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) because when he said, "These are not the best from among you," we can gather two things. Either these women who is complaining, these are not the best. Or those men that they are complaining about, these are not the best. Or the scholars, they said both. These men and the women. The women who is complaining and the men they complain about, these are not the best.

So we know that. The woman who is complaining, even when she has legitimate complaint, Allah doesn't like it and the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) doesn't like it.

The Proper Way to Address Grievances

Meaning that, not that the woman doesn't have recourse, she should. If she must. Go to the Waliul Amr. Go to the person who is holding authority among the Muslims. Even if he's only holding the authority of a small group of people, that means he's holding the power of the collection of five or six people. Only power he has is their consensus. Or he is holding a larger power. Go to those who are holding some knowledge and those who are holding some power among the Muslims and take your complaint to that person and don't take it to the other people.

Don't go in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out of the Muslims. In and out of the sisters. In and out of the ranks. Discussing the bad qualities of your husband. Don't do that. Don't spread what happens in your house with the other Muslims. Don't do that. Don't sit down with other women and complain about the men or complain about your house or complain about the children or complain about your food or complain about this. Don't do that.

The adab, the adab of the Muslim woman is to control herself and to keep the secrets of her home and to keep the secrets of her husband and never to divulge his faults to anyone.

The Example of the First Khula

We remember that woman who came to the Messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) and she said, "Ya Rasulullah, so and so is one of the best Muslims in Medina." She's talking about her husband. "He's one of the best Muslims of Medina. But by Allah, I fear if I remain married to him, I will damage my religion." Subhanallah. This was the first woman who asked for khula.

Khula, the back door divorce, we call it. The back door divorce. Meaning the divorce has two doors. One, the man, he holds in his hand. He have the right obligation to pay the dowry and he have the right also to divorce. This is called the front door divorce.

But the khula is the back door divorce, the one in which the woman has the right to. The one that the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) warned them about. But she has that right.

The first woman to get khula in Islam was this woman. But what did she say about her husband? Did she complain about him? Did she reveal his faults? Did she say why? No, she said, "O Messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) he's one of the best Muslims. But I think if I remain with him, I will damage my religion."

So the Messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said "Will you give him back the dowry which he gave you?" She said, "Yes." Then he told that brother, "Take back that dowry from her." Which means what? He didn't even consult that brother to say this or that. He said, "Take back that dowry." And then he told her, "Observe the iddah of one month."

Some of the ulema said, this was a special order of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) for her. Because the iddah we know is three. But in that particular hadith he told her to observe the iddah of one month. So even in this

situation we saw that that woman was what? She was not complaining. And she was not revealing even her reasons. She was blaming, she was saying something about herself.

Behavior and Responsibility

So sisters, regarding your behavior, you are the mothers of the future generation. You have your children's eyes on you 24 hours a day. More than they see their father. They are looking at you, listening to your voice. Looking at your face. Looking what you do in the morning.

• If you don't pray, do you think your children will pray?
• If you are cursing and complaining, what do you think your children will do?
• If you are watching television all day, what do you think your children will be raised up thinking?
• If you are always demanding, "Give me this, give me that. Why don't you this? Why don't you that?" What do you think your daughters will do when they grow up?
• If you are uncovering yourself, disrespecting yourself, showing your aura outside to the people...

The Aura of the Muslim Woman

And what is the aura of the Muslim woman? The nakedness of the Muslim woman. What is her aura? Her entire body. All of the woman is aura. But specifically, she has the right to show what Allah said:

"What ordinarily appears thereof." (Quran 24:31)

And there is a just small disagreement among the ulama about what may ordinarily appear. What may ordinarily appear? Her face and her hands. Some ulama said, face and hands. Not even the feet. The face and the hands. And some ulama they said, no, not even the face. And the majority of them they said that. Not even the face. Because they said the face itself is a place of her beauty.

So if the Muslim lady has the ability and the courage and the commitment to even cover her face, mashallah she is also doing herself a favor. And she is also doing the Muslims a favor because she removes another level of the fitna. But minimally, she must cover her entire body except for her hands and her feet. And her face.

And some of the ulama even went further and said, if she will cover her hands, this even will still be better because the gloved hand will distinguish her from the open hand of the man. So we cannot say every sister must absolutely cover her face and wear the gloves on her hands. We cannot say that. We say those who do it, it's mustahaba. It's good for her. It's a blessing for her.

But we don't force the sisters to do that, especially in the kuffar country where maybe they will feel constrained to even go out and they will develop a psychosis for themselves. We don't force the sisters to do that and make them create a psychosis. No.

Conditions of Proper Hijab

But you Muslim sisters should minimally cover your entire body except for your face and hands, minimally. And covering the body doesn't mean wearing jeans and wearing a scarf on your head. No, this is not the body because there are conditions of the clothing:

1. The clothing should not reveal the shape of any part of you
2. Nor should the clothing be transparent so that your skin can be seen through it. This is very clear
3. Nor should that clothing resemble the clothing of the women of Jahiliyyah

So that means the sisters who is wearing the niqab and say these designer names Gloria Vanderbilt, CK1, Christian Dior. You're wearing a niqab with a cross on it. If you're wearing the Christian Dior, they're selling them in Mecca. The sisters they like it because they have Christian Dior. I mean it's designer. The niqab is costing 30 pounds, 50 dollars and it has a cross on it. Christian Dior cross.

So they're wearing niqab inside the haram with a cross on it. No, sisters. Don't imitate the kuffar. Why are you wearing this designer? What's the design for? What's the difference between?

The wives of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) the ummahatul mu'mineen, when the ayah came from Allah, the ayah of hijab, when they heard it, they tore their aprons and they covered their faces. They tore their aprons. Aprons mean they took a part of their clothing, their outer garments and they covered their faces. So we know that. What they did, the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) approved of it. So that means what they did was correct.

So sisters, don't spend money unnecessarily. And don't imitate the kuffar. Secondly, do not imitate the men.

Prohibitions for Muslim Women

Plucking Eyebrows

Allah cursed the women who imitate the men and He cursed the men that imitate the women. And also, the sisters is wearing hijab but they are plucking the eyebrows and designing the eyebrows. This is haram.

The plucker and the one who is plucked, both of them is cursed by Allah. Because why is the woman plucking the eyebrows? They are doing this from jahiliyyah, a culture. Because they are wanting to make their eyebrows more attractive to be looked at.

Wearing Perfume Outside

Secondly, Allah, He cursed the woman, she wears perfume outside of her home. Why? Because when she is wearing the perfume, when she passes by somebody, the man, he will turn his head, look at her and say, "Hmm, she smells good. And she look good too."

So you cause him to do what? Fahsha. You cause him to do fahsha. Because if you didn't pass by smelling like that, he would not talk like that. So guard yourselves. Guard yourselves. What do you think your daughters,

how they will dress if you dress loosely?

The Voice as Aura

And also the aura of the woman is also her voice. We know this. Because Aisha (رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهَا - raḍiya-llāhu ʿanha) after the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā-llāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) passed away, the companions used to come to her door to take lessons from her, to take a hadith from her, to take ahkam from her. And when they used to come and speak to her, she used to put her finger in her mouth to disguise her voice.

Because she was 18 years old when the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā-llāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) passed away and she was a beautiful woman. So even she did not want her voice, her natural voice, to cause fitna for any man behind the door, behind the curtain.

So the sisters should not be talking on the phone:

"As-salamu alaykum, Aki. Kif halik, Aki? Alhamdulillah. MashaAllah. How is your wife? How is your family? No, my husband is not here. MashaAllah. As-salamu alaykum."

No, no, sister. Allah said, do not be decorative in your speech, but do your speech which is what? Straightforward:

"As-salamu alaykum. No, brother, my husband is not here. No, I don't know. InshaAllah. As-salamu alaykum."

See? You see the difference? The brother, he will not want to talk more with her. And she's being straightforward and she's guarding herself. And she's not leaving any room for any fooling around. This is the kind of sister who is guarding herself, guarding her husband, guarding her morals. Because she's doing what? She's controlling even her speech.

Women and Hellfire

Also, the Messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā-llāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) one time he passed through his masjid and he passed by some women and he said to them:

"O women, verily Allah allowed me to see into the hellfire. And I saw that many of its inhabitants was women."

And they said, "Ya Rasulullah, how come?"

He said, "Because, one, they are given to cursing, complaining, and spreading gossip. And they are also ungrateful to their husbands so that if their husband gives them everything, when they become angry with him, they say, 'You never give me nothing. You are no good.'"

See? So one, they are given to gossip and loose talk. Secondly, they are ungrateful to their husbands and they are complaining too much.

The Example of Umar ibn al-Khattab

And we know that Umar ibn al-Khattab (رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ - raḍiya-llāhu ʿanhu) although the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā-llāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) used to let the women come to the masjid to pray, isn't it? In the time of Umar, when he used to give the khutbah in the Prophet's masjid, he used to keep by him a bucket of some small stones, maybe some dead stones. And he used to reach down while he was giving the khutbah and take those stones and throw them at the women and chase them from the masjid.

And they complained to Aisha (رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهَا - raḍiya-llāhu ʿanha) "Why is Umar chasing us from the mosque? Why is he acting like that? We used to come in the time of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā-llāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) ."

But Aisha (رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا - raḍiya-llāhu ʿanha) she said, "Yes, but you were not dressing that way and you were not talking that way and you were not wearing the lipstick and the decorations on your faces that way."

Subhanallah. You see? So, our sisters should guard themselves and control themselves and understand that they are the flowers of Islam. They are also the handmaidens of Allah. And they are the front line. They are the front line of the home defense.

The Rights of Women in the Home

As I joke sometimes and I tell brothers, "I have to go. The minister of the interior, she told me, 'Be home. Don't stay too long.'"'"

Yes, it's true. The sisters have the right. Inside the home, they are in charge. Don't come home with your chest poked out. "Where's the food? What's going on? Blah, blah. Go get this. Why you didn't?"

Be quiet. Leave the sister alone. Don't tell her what kind of curtains. Don't tell her what to do. Don't tell her what to fix. Don't tell her so on. She don't have to do nothing for you. Nothing.

The Verse on Qawwamun

Allah said:

"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women." (Quran 4:34)

This don't mean that you are the commander of the women. No, you have responsibility to them. She don't even have to work. She don't have to lift a cup. She don't have to do any work. She don't have to clean your clothes. She don't have to iron your clothes. She don't have to wash no dishes. She don't have to cook no food for you. She don't have to do anything. This is not her job. If you want somebody to do that, go hire a servant.

But if she does that, this will be a blessing for her in front of Allah. When you marry her, this don't mean you have a slave, you got a servant. If she does it for you, this is a nafl for her. This is good for her. She should do

that to want to serve her husband, to obtain his pleasure. Because the pleasure of the husband is next to what?

The pleasure of Allah.

The displeasure of the husband is next to the displeasure of Allah. The Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā-llāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said that the husband that goes to sleep while he is displeased with her husband, what happens? The malaika curse her all of the night. So she should always want her husband to be pleased.

And she does these things to please you. But it is not her obligation because of the marriage to iron your clothes, to wash your clothes, to fix your food, to sew your clothes. Because the Messenger of Allah (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā-llāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) what did he do? Did he do those things? Himself. To relieve her because he was grateful.

So the man, when he comes to the house, he should be grateful if his wife, she fix the food for him, she clean the house for him, she's taking care of the children, she's taking care of herself, she's taking care of the house, she's taking care of your honor, your reputation. She's a home line defense.

And this is not an easy job. So brothers, don't put more responsibility on her by your demands. And at the same token, be grateful from time to time. Give her relief. Buy her gifts. Say nice things to her. Compliment her. Show your gratitude towards her. Because she's also the mother of your children.

And if she's not, if your wife is stressed out, if she's full of anxiety all the time and depressed, what do you think the children will be? They will be also stressed out and anxiety because she will pass it right down.

Advice to Sisters for the Home

So my sisters, inside of your homes:

• Keep your home clean
• Keep yourself clean
• Keep your children clean
• Make your husband feel good and relaxed when he comes home
• Don't meet him at the door, badgering him

"Where have you been? Where is the groceries? Where is the money? What you promised me? Who you talking to? What is this? What is that? You said that and so and so and so. You da blah blah blah blah."

But this kind of woman, she may wind up by herself. She may wind up by herself, especially in the age we're living in today. The man, he doesn't have to. Too many women. There's too many fish in the sea. I don't care what you provide him with, how beautiful that you are, and what treasure you think you represent. Too many fish in the sea.

The Reality of Gender Demographics

If you want to know, let me give you the statistics, sisters. This is another subject I'm going to talk to you about later on. But let me just tell you.

Already in the western world, there is 2.5 women to every man. Just add with me:

• If you take away the men who are homosexuals, now you come to what? 3.5, right?
• Then if you take the men who want to be playboys, they don't want to get married. Now it's what? 4.5, isn't it?
• Then you take the men who are on drugs and alcohol. What do you get? 5.5
• What about the men who's in the jail? They will not come out. 10, 15 years. Now you got what? 6.5
• What about the men who's at war? Maybe they will not come back. Where we at now? We're at 7.5
• What about the men who is confused? They don't know whether they want to be a male or female. Now you're at 8.5
• What about the derelict men? They're bums. They're irresponsible. They're living and eating off their mother. They're 30 years old. What about them? Now you're at 9.5

So if all the women was able to marry a man for themselves, what will happen to all the other sisters? A man, we said. Who is a man? A man who is responsible. A man who can fulfill what she needs physically and mentally, psychologically and economically.

If all the women got a husband, what will all the other sisters do? Will they become lesbians? Or they'll become old maids all their life, rest of their life? No, there's a hikmah from Allah. We will talk about that hikmah.

But the issue is, sisters, if you have a man, even if you think he's a half of a man, take care of him. Take care of him, inshaAllah. And be grateful to Allah, especially if he's a believer and he is praying. Be thankful to Allah because maybe you don't miss the water until when? Until the world goes dry. See? Then you will be as many sisters all over the world. They are 20 years old and 25 years old and they will never marry.

The Delusion of the West

See, in the West, sisters are deluded into thinking that if they are divorced, if they get rid of this one here, they will get another one. Because they see so many brothers, they say, mashaAllah. "If he don't like me, I get another one." This is the delusion of the West. And this is why so many women, they are dumping the man.

Three months, dump him. Get married, get the dowry, dump him, get married, another one. This only in the West this happens.

In the Muslim lands, it don't happen like that. When a woman gets divorced in the Muslim lands, usually what is the case? She will not get married again. Isn't it? So the Muslim woman in the Muslim lands, she grow up appreciating the man more so than the woman here. Because here, the woman can go to the machine and put the money in and pull out a man.

How to Treat Your Husband

And they can go to the club. You can go to the computer and you can date. All the kinds of ways you can meet a man. Just put your name inside, they shake it up and pull a man out and send it to you. This is the delusion.

So sisters, treat your husband decent. If he is a decent brother and if he is not so decent, if he is not so good, polish him up. Fix him up. Don't complain about him. Help him out. Make him better than he is. Serve him. Talk nice to him. Tell him, wake him up for Fajr. Say:

"Ya Habibi, Assalamu Alaikum. I'm going to pray Fajr. You want to pray Fajr with me? You like to go to the masjid? Why you don't go to the masjid? I have coffee for you. I have food for you. Come drink some tea, eat some food, inshaAllah. Go to the masjid and pray. May Allah reward you. You get so much reward if you go to the masjid. You don't want to go to the masjid? Okay, come please pray with me."

How long do you think if you plead with him like that and talk to him nice like that, soon he will pray with you. He will feel embarrassed. But most of the time when a man he doesn't go to the masjid and pray or he doesn't get up and pray, guess what? He is in the bed with a woman who doesn't pray either. Most of the time.

So sisters:

• Encourage your husband to pray
• Encourage your husband to read Quran
• Encourage your husband to be involved as a Muslim
• Encourage him to sit with the family 30 minutes a day
• And don't complain

If he gives you water and biscuits, eat water and biscuits. And don't complain. And when he brings you something sweet besides the water and the biscuits, be surprised like it's a big party. "Subhanallah. Alhamdulillah. He brought some fruit. He brought home some chopped beef or something like that. Mashallah."

You will get so much reward from Allah. So much reward. Because on him there will be the responsibility of the treatment and upon you will be the reward of your satisfaction.

The Responsibility of Women

This is the behavior issue. Sisters, now in regards to the responsibility of the woman. The responsibility of the woman is to guard in their husband's absence what Allah would have them guard. Guard in their husband's absence what Allah would have them guard. What is that?

• Guard their home

• Guard the children

• Guard his secrets

• Guard herself

You are the guardian. You are the harisa. You are... The Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ said, all of you is what? Ra'i, didn't he? Shepherd or shepherdess. And Allah will hold all of you accountable for what? That which is under your responsibility.

• The Amir, he is the ra'i of what? Of the jama'ah, of the group

• And the father or the husband, he is the ra'i of what? The family

• And the mother, she is ra'iya of what? Of herself and her family and her husband's absence

And Allah will ask all of you about that which under your responsibility. My sisters, you are the front line. You are the front line.

Created from a Single Soul

Allah mentioned to us that He created the man and the woman from what? A single soul. In Surah an-Nisa:

"O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul."

So this whole idea, this whole idea that the woman is created from the rib, in the Quran it doesn't say the rib. Nafsin wahida. Created from one single soul. That's the first part of the creation. Now how Hawa, Umm Hawa, how she was extracted from Adam is something different. But originally they was created how? From what? One single soul.

That means what? From the same glass of water. Now you can take this glass of water and pour out half and make tea and coffee. But originally what it all came from? One single soul.

Yes Allah made the male, dhakar, and the woman what? Untha. And they are not the same. They are similar but they are not the same. Therefore their rights and their responsibilities are not the same.

This whole delusion of the equality of women is a bunch of foolishness. There's no such thing. They are equal in the sight of Allah:

"Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you."

They are equal in the sight of Allah. They are same in the sight of Allah regarding their taqwa. But they are different in their responsibilities. They are different in their anatomy. They are different in their psychology. They are different in their social responsibility. And when you forget that, you forget your role.

And when you forget your role then you want to change the ayah. You want to say, an-nisaa kawamunna ala al-rijal. They want the woman. And this is what has happened in the society now. The women have become guardians and over the men. Especially in the west.

The Conspiracy Against Muslim Families in the West

We find a phenomena among immigrants that they migrate to the west. In the west they are very clever. What they do when they migrate, they give the women all the rights. They give her the house. They give her the stamps. They give her the Medicaid card. They give her the money. And they give the man less than that.

So if that man does not act the way she likes, she will tell him what? "You get out. This is my house. Don't tell me what to do. These are my children. And if you speak like that to me again, I'll go to the court and have you locked up."

And so what happens? If the man divorce that woman, what happens? He lose the family. He lose the children. He is threatened by the court. So the women, they wind up with the leverage over the man. And so what happens? The man becomes demoralized and destabilized.

And this is the aim of the west. This is what they do. Sisters, don't be a part of this conspiracy. Take the role that you have been designated from Allah. What is that role? It is the chief role of raising the children. The role of cultivating the home.

What greater responsibility is that? Raising the children, cultivating the home, preparing the next generation who will be what? The leaders of the next generation. This is your responsibility. Don't want to be like the man.

Women Working Outside the Home

Because what will happen? The woman who wants to be like the man, she wants her own money. She wants her own car. She wants her own property. She wants her own time. Then she wants her own apartment. Then when she gets married, she wants her own time. She wants everything divided equally and she has to go.

She's leaving out the door when he's leaving out the door in the morning. She's fixing her clothes up while he's fixing his clothes. They make an arrangement to drop the children off with somebody else. Then she's asking him, "Who's going to pick the children up at night? I think I'm getting in from the job a little bit late." He had to pick up the children. She's still late. So on the way, she pick up some Burger King or she pick up something else to feed the children because she's late.

When she gets in, she's tired. He's tired. They eat Burger King. They eat McDonald's. They eat takeout.

Whatever the case might be. Who has taught the children all day? This because she wants her own money. She wants her own car. She wants her own family. She wants her own this and that.

Conditions for Women Working

I don't say the woman cannot work. They can. If that work does not compromise her responsibility. If that work doesn't put her in jeopardy. If that work doesn't compromise her hijab. If that work doesn't compromise and undermine her family.

Her family. Better for a woman to stay home and be denied comforts that she wants, but to teach her children Quran and decent behavior and to guard herself and to guard her family and to prepare an atmosphere for her husband and for herself. Better for her.

The Pursuit of Knowledge

Dear sisters, your responsibility is to pursue knowledge. Because if you do not have proper knowledge, who will teach your children? How you will pray? The man is not in the home. Most men, they don't have the time. Sometimes they don't have the knowledge themselves. But even when they do, they don't have the time to do what? To really teach the sisters.

So sister, don't blame your husband. "Oh, he never has time for me. He doesn't teach me anything. He doesn't recite Quran. He never taught me one ayah. He never taught me one hadith."

But sister, you got the whole Sahih Bukhari in your house. You have the mushaf in your house. What's the problem with you? There are sisters in Sydney who know the Quran very well. Instead of gasping inside the mosque with other sisters talking about the shopping and talking about the children and talk about your home and talk about this and talk about the men, find out a sister who is knowledgeable in the deen.

She's a student of knowledge. She's hafidha of the Quran. She knows hadith and she knows the fiqh and the tafsir and the seerah of the Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ . Go to that sister and spend one hour or two hours a week. Have her to straighten out your salah, your mahraj of the Quran. Have her to read from you the seerah, the issues of adab.

So that when your husband comes home, when your children come home, you can do what? Maybe you can advise him. You can also teach them. Because you are the teacher of the home. You, not your husband. He should provide the atmosphere, but you are the teacher in the home. The husband should provide the atmosphere, but you are the school teacher.

Supporting the Muslim Community

My dear Muslim sisters, also, you are the first support for the Muslim community. I said the community. If you think that the masjid is not clean, if you think that the area for the women is not proper, if you think that the men don't give you your rights, if you think whatever it is, maybe your complaints are correct. But what can you do about it? What can you do about it? Form a committee.

Not a complaint committee, but a proactive committee. And come to the imam or come to the amir through his wife and say:

"We are 10 or 15 sisters who are the helpers of the jama'a. Imam, what can we do? Can we put some nice curtains on the windows? Imam, can we every month make sure that there's enough toilet paper, there's enough stuff to aerosol and disinfectant? Brother imam, can we come to the masjid once a week? Maybe on the night, Thursday night or Friday morning. Can we vacuum? Can we mop? Can we clean? Can we relieve the brothers of this responsibility?

Imam, the area where the sisters are, can we buy a rug for it? Can we put it and make it nice the way we like it? Imam, can we put some nice plants and stuff to make the place look good? Imam, can we clean on the outside? Imam, can we spend something from ourselves to make it look nice so we make our contribution?

Brother imam, what can we do? Can we have a lecture every week for ourselves? Brother imam, what can we do to raise money? There are 150 of us. Each one of us is willing to give $5 a week. Imam, what can we do with this?"

Subhanallah, what do you think a group of sisters can do to make a change in a jama'a like that instead of complaining? So sisters, you are also the front line of the jama'a.

Advising Each Other

Give to the imam, give to your husband and give to the imam the support. And among yourselves, advise each other. When a sister comes to you complaining to you about her husband, tell her, say:

"Sister, kuf. Sister, please. I don't want to hear this kind of talk. I have no responsibility."

Tell her what the Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ said: It's part of being a good Muslim to do what? To leave alone that which doesn't concern you. And sister, this don't concern me. Not that I'm not consensitive about your situation, but I'm not a lawyer. I'm not a guidance counselor. I'm not a marriage counselor. And I'm not a garbage can.

The place where you put your trash and your garbage, don't put that in my ear. Your husband is my brother in Islam. I don't want my heart or my mind to be changed or prejudiced against my brother.

This is what the Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ told the other Muslims when they came to him complaining about another Muslim. What did he say? "I don't want any of you saying something to me negative about another Muslim. So that when I see that Muslim, my heart is changed about him."

You see? Don't do it. Tell the sister to fear Allah. Tell her there's a way for her to resolve that situation. And say, "Sister, inshallah, if there's something I can help you with, I will help you, but I don't want to hear this kind of talk. Let's read Quran, Sister. Give nasiha about Quran. Give a nasiha from the sunnah of the Prophet صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ . And tell her this is not the manners and the adab of the believers."

Engaging in Da'wah

Dear sisters, not only should you engage yourselves in knowledge, but you should also engage yourselves in da'wah. Da'wah. We talked about the issue of so many women. 60% of all the new Muslims, 65%, maybe even 70% of the new Muslims, what do you think? They are women. Women. Who is teaching them?

And in the society, so many women. The sisters should give da'wah to the women. Prepare a group of sisters who get training in da'wah. So that this organization here, you have a committee of sisters who are da'wah. Every week, they have some platform to go to some university. And do what? Discuss affairs of Islam with the women.

So whatever the unbelievers is thinking about women, misconceptions about Islam, misconceptions about women, that Islam is repressive, Islam is oppressive, that women are second class citizens, all of these lies and this filth, who are the ones who can dispel that? The women.

This lie that some unbeliever is saying about the Prophet's صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ marriage, who do you think is best to speak about that issue? The men or the women? The women.

But if the women are ignorant, or they're not involved in da'wah, they think that the imam, or they think brother Khalid Yasin, or imam Siraj, or Abdullah Hakim Kuik, or Bilal Asson, Abu Aminah, or Shaykh Faiz, or this one or that one, or they are the ones giving da'wah. No, this is not true. Everyone should give da'wah.

And some of you sisters should develop a da'wah committee. To do what? Learn the da'wah. After that, execute the da'wah. Reform and inform the Muslims. Clarify and invite non-Muslims. And propagate the Islamic message.

Warning Against Deviation and Rebellion

Sisters, be aware of deviation. Be aware of chauvinism. Be aware of personal interests. Be aware of rebellion.

And on this issue of rebellion, sisters, let me say this to you. And let me be straightforward. And I hope that I don't become unpopular to you because of saying this to you.

The Issue of Plural Marriage (Ta'addud az-Zawjat)

The sister who speaks against ta'addud zawjat, the sister who speaks against plural marriage, she says to people, "I don't like it. It's not right. That part of Islam, I don't understand it, and that ain't for me. My husband better not. If he does, I will blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And sisters, don't take that from him. These brothers, it's all they think about all the time. Blah, blah, blah, blah."

This is not right. The sister who's talking like that, she is causing fitna. And she is deviating and undermining the wisdom of Allah. And she is acting rebellious. And she's engaged in fisq.

The Example of the Wives of the Prophet

The wives of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) they did not hold a party. They did not jump down and clap when he took a wife. They did not. They didn't like it.

And you know in the Quran, we have an example where when he took a wife on one occasion, two of them did what? They played a trick or conspire. I think this wife he took, her name was Safiyyah. And so two of the wives of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) told her.

I'm not sure if it was Safiyyah or another one. They said, "When the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) come to your house, say a'udhu billah." So when the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) came to her house, she said "a'udhu billah."

So the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) he left. He left her house. Then Allah sent the ayah of Quran:

"O Prophet, do you turn away from that which Allah made lawful to you in order to please your wives?"

See how Allah sent the ayah. Do you turn away from that which Allah made lawful to you in order to please your wives? Now the Prophet he understood something happened. Jibreel (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) came and told him what happened. He's turning away from this sister in order to do what? To please his wives.

He know that something happened. So then Allah advised those women: If all of you give problem to the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) and back each other up to give him problems, maybe Allah will cause him to divorce all of you. And do what? And give him better wives in place of you.

So those women, they feared Allah. They loved the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam). They had their jealousy. But they feared Allah. And so what did they do? They made tawbah and they reformed themselves.

Controlling Jealousy

So jealousy is a part of the woman's nature. The Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said:

"The woman who is able to control her jealousy will receive the same reward as the man who controls his fear of jihad."

It means that the woman that controls her jealousy regarding the issue of plural marriage. When her husband takes another wife, she's jealous and she should be. But if she controls this, Allah will give her the same reward as the man that is able to go to jihad and control his fear.

Because Allah has placed jealousy upon the women and He has put jihad upon the men. So brothers, don't say to the sister, "Why are you jealous? What's your problem? What you think?" She should not be jealous? She should be. It's her nature. But she need to control that.

Love for Your Sister What You Love for Yourself

Because sisters, think to yourself. Did Allah say, Did the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) say:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 13; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 45)

"None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself."

Did he say that? Yes, he said that. So let's switch it. Sisters, none of you truly believe until you love for your sister what you love for yourself.

Now let's talk about that part. Let's go back to the issue of the 2.5 up to the 8.5. Let's go back to that. So if all the Muslim women in Sydney, Australia─let's not talk about the whole world—if all the Muslim sisters of Sydney, Australia Allah bless them to have a husband. How many sisters there will be without husbands? There will be at least, for every one sister that will find a nice husband, there will be at least another six sisters they will not have a husband.

So sister, ask yourself: Subhanallah, what do you think about that Muslim sister? What should she be? She should be a lesbian? She should be by herself? She should not have children? She should not have her desires fulfilled? She should not have a home? Somebody to take care of her? Because you want one husband for you and you don't want nobody else. "I want mine for me. That's it."

The Wisdom of Allah

So what do you think the wisdom of Allah, He said: If you don't have the ability to give justice to the women then do what? Marry women of your choice. Did He said?

"Marry those that please you of women, two or three or four."

Didn't He? Mathna aw thulatha aw rubaa. Did He say one? In that ayah? Did He say one? No, He said mathna which means what? Two. Aw thulatha? Three. Aw rubaa? Four. He didn't say one in that because He already ordered us to have one. But in regard to the justice He said mathna aw thulatha aw rubaa.

So the injustice is what? One of the injustices and the imbalance is what is evident in front of you: That if every sister have a husband for herself this will leave at least six sisters without the possibility of a man. If you want for your sister what you want for yourself, Subhanallah sisters what you're talking about.

The Reality of Polygamy

Now sisters look let me tell you this statistic:

• Only two out of every ten men is going to take another wife anyway. Even though the choice is there
• Only one out of twenty is going to take a third wife
• Maybe one out of thirty and maybe only one out of two hundred is going to take a fourth wife

How many brothers you know got four wives? That he can buy four refrigerators and pay four phone bills and pay four light bills and four phone bills and four rents and also he got to deal with four different sisters? Subhanallah. No. It's very unlikely this will happen. Very unlikely. And how many you know that's got three? Unlikely.

But sisters think: If you are patient and you tell him, "Brother listen, I don't like it. I'll be honest with you. I'm jealous. I don't want you to do that. But this is your responsibility in front of Allah. Subhanallah. And Allah will ask you about your responsibility. If you think you must do it, of course I don't like it. But I will bear with it. Inshallah. Why? Because of my sister. Especially your husband, maybe he will marry some sister. She has children already. What will those children do? What? She have children. Who will guide them? Who will take care of them? Your husband he's working. He has knowledge. He's healthy."

Practical Benefits of Co-Wives

And if you are intelligent, really sisters, if you are really intelligent: Sometimes you don't want to be bothered with your husband. Sometimes you need help with those children. If you are intelligent and you allow your mind and your practicality to rise above your jealousy, you may see that there is some benefit in social benefit in your having a co-wife. Because you can do things together.

• Sometimes she can watch your children
• Sometimes you can watch your children
• Sometimes you don't get to bother cooking, cleaning for your husband or nothing
• You don't have to be bothered with him
• Sometimes you get tired of him
• It's good for you. You have time for yourself

There are some sisters who have a co-wife and it is a good relationship. You should talk to some of those sisters. Not to the ones who is greedy and jealous. And even they don't appreciate the one husband. They don't appreciate the fact that they are the only.

Marriage Problems Statistics

And I'll give you another statistic sisters: Do you know most of the marriage counseling, most of the marriage problems is not in the house where there is two wives? Do you know where it is? Most of the problems and the marriage counseling comes from where there is only one wife. This is a statistic.

So sisters, about the ta'addud az-zawjat: I'm not telling you to be happy. Don't dance and don't expect the sister to dance and to hold a party because you take another wife. "Alhamdulillah brother. Mashallah. Let's invite everybody." Don't expect that from the sister.

But sisters be patient about this matter and don't speak against the wisdom of Allah. Don't speak against the wisdom of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam). Don't undermine the welfare of the community. And don't be selfish and don't be greedy and don't be unwise.

Sisters, be careful about this matter. Speak to your husband as strong as you need to speak to him. Beg with him. Plead with him. "Please don't do it. I don't like it." But if he does: Bear with it. Be patient. Allah will give you better. After all:

"The Hereafter is better and more enduring."

Isn't it? The akhira is better for you than what is present.

Closing Dua

We ask Allah to help us inshallah. We ask Allah to guide us. We ask Allah to bless our sisters. We ask Allah to guide our sisters. We ask Allah that He make give our sisters good men who appreciate them. We ask Allah that we appreciate the fruits that we take from the Shadratul Tayyiba. We ask Allah that our sisters accept this advice in the context in which it was given.

We ask Allah that we men give to them fully what is their rights and that we are appreciative of them. We ask Allah that He give them the patience which they need and the insight that they need. We ask Allah that He raise them up with good knowledge so they pass this knowledge on to their children. And we ask Allah that He make them women of Taqwa and women of Jannah. And we ask Allah that our sisters become the component of the community which we expect them to be, the backbone of the community.

Questions and Answers Section

Question 1: Definition of a Muslim Man Capable of Plural Marriage

Question: What is your definition or idea of a Muslim man who would be capable to marry more than one wife?

Answer: First of all, Allah did not place in the heart of any man in the chest of any man two hearts. So when Allah says be fair he doesn't mean split the heart in half. The man can be fair in regards to what? His time? His money? His time and his money. This is what he can be fair in.

As for his desire, as for his love or his feeling, there's no way he can be exactly fair and Allah He said:

"You will never be able to be equal [in feeling] between wives, even if you should strive [to do so]."

This is what Allah said. What does it mean? The women will never let you be fair in regards to that. They will always say "you like her better than me."

So you cannot satisfy them exactly from the heart but what you can do is you can be fair in regards to your money and your time. So fair in regards to money and time means what? Does it mean to give each one of them half exactly? No. If one sister she has three children and the other one she has one child. Do you give to them exactly the same? No you don't. You give it to them according to ratio.

Secondly, if one woman, if one sister like Saudah (رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهَا - raḍiya Allāhu ʿanhā) she was an old woman married to the Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) right? What did she do? Out of her love for the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) and her loving for her sister what she loved for herself, what did she do? She gave to Aisha (رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهَا - raḍiya Allāhu ʿanhā) her days. She said, "Ya Rasulallah, Aisha is a young woman and she requires more time than me. So O Rasulallah (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) please I give to her one of my days."

Subhanallah. This is showing what wisdom that from woman to woman from situation to situation there's a different application. But who is the judge of that? The woman herself? No. It's the man. He is Qawamun. On him is the responsibility of that judgment.

Now if he's unfair the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said what? The man who is unfair between his wives, what did the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) say? He will come on Yom Kiyom with what? One side hanging down. So when he goes over the Sirat if he has one side hanging down what will happen? He will fall off the bridge. He will be unbalanced. Because he was unfair. He was unbalanced in this life he will be unbalanced in the hereafter.

But whose job is it to be Qawam? The man. Not for the woman to tell him "you're not being fair, you're not being just or so and so, so and so." No. She can say to him "brother please be careful about the time. Brother be careful about the rights. Brother it's not fair for you to come in the house at 11 o'clock at night. This is my night."

So look to the fiqh sisters and know your rights but also at the same token be fair. No Muslim government can set a standard for polygamy. If this is part of the question. There is no barometer to say whether a brother has the right to take another wife. This is the choice he can make.

You have the Imam, you have his family and you have his own determination. No one can say to him "you don't make enough money." No one can say to him "your occupation doesn't provide you." Nobody can say to him "your condition doesn't warrant it." And the sister cannot say to him "you do not have enough money, you don't have enough time, you don't have enough so and so for me. How can you take another wife?" That's not for her to say.

This is the judgment Allah gave to the man himself but the man should take into consideration his situation.

Question 2: Should the Husband Ask Permission?

Question: Does your husband have to ask your permission if he wants to marry the second or the third?

Answer: Oh subhanallah, look at that. Wallahi sister I didn't know this was what I was holding in my hand. I answered that question already. Does your husband have to ask your permission if he wants to marry the second or the third? No, he doesn't. But he should.

Because you are part of him. You are part of him. He should consult you. How he spends the money. How he spends his time. What decisions he's going to make in his life. He should talk to you about it.

But sister, if you are threatening him all the time "you better not. I hear you talking with them brothers who got another wife. If you do it I'll do this. I will do that. I will throw your clothes out. I will take you to the court. I will blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." And then you want him to come and talk to you about it?

Question 3: Why is Plucking Eyebrows Haram?

Question: What is it? Is it haram? Why is it haram to pluck the eyebrows? Doesn't it say in the Quran that if you just tidy them that it is okay?

Answer: No, no sister, look. You can prepare yourself for your husband but the plucking of the eyebrows is not for your husband. This is a culture from the kuffar. So the women appear when they go outside better than they are inside.

Even, let me go a little further sisters. Sister, you can prepare yourself. You can wear real nice. You can put on all. You can go get, what is that lady? They call it, she, she, they, Victoria's Secret. Or, or whatever. You can go and get all of that. Make yourself real nice and looking real passionate and exotic and everything for your husband.

So when he comes home he just wants to drop everything. You can do that. You can burn the candles sister. You can make, put the silk sheets and you can cook the food and make it exotic. You can even belly dance. Whatever you want to do for your husband.

But sister, if you are getting yourself ready and going outside and putting your, you know, like that and fixing your kimah and everything looking in the mirror and everything. Who you doing that for? Not for your husband sister.

Allah, the Prophet ﷺ say Allah curse the women who are fully dressed but they are naked. They are fully dressed but they are naked. How is that? That means they got on all the clothes but the way they talk, the way they walk, they are wearing certain such, they pluck their eyebrows, they do this, they do that. For whom? For other men to see them.

No sisters, prepare yourself any way you like for your husband and spend your time to do that. Allah will bless you for that. If the Prophet ﷺ said don't pluck the eyebrows, don't pluck the eyebrows. And don't try to, try to find a way around that because you want to pluck your eyebrows. Don't do it.

Question 4: Obligation Towards Improperly Dressed Sisters

Question: What obligation do we have towards those sisters who do not cover in Islamic way?

Answer: Let their brothers and let their fathers and let their guardians or the Imam advise them or let other sisters advise them and don't speak bad about them.

And the sisters who see sisters who are not dressed properly, find a nice way. Maybe you invite that sister to your home. Don't talk about her clothes. Don't say to her in the masjid, "Oh sister, why are you dressed like that? You know, you know, so and so." But sister, why you don't come to my house? I got some clothes for you. It's not the way.

Don't say anything to her. Be nice to her. Don't even mention an issue to her. Invite her to your house. Invite that sister to your house. And in your house, show her films of other sisters. Invite her with other sisters. She will see how they're dressing. She will see how you're dressing.

And then you might say to her, "Sister, do you need an overgarment? Sister, do you need a khimar? Sister, do you need this? Sister, do you need that?" And you advise her. If she begins to like you, what will she do? She will begin to modify herself sometimes from the advice.

So be patient with those sisters. Because they are Muslim sisters. Don't run them away. Because if you run them away, where will they be? They will be with the kuffar. So don't do that, inshaAllah. Be patient.

Question 5: Marrying Non-Muslim Women

Question: If a Muslim man marries a non-Muslim woman, is he responsible if she does not wear hijab?

Answer: First of all, the Muslim should not marry a non-Muslim woman. That's number one. Let's make this issue clear. Where Allah gave us the permission to marry women of the Ahlul Kitab and to eat their food. There are conditions of that. And let me tell the brothers what the condition is. That that non-Muslim woman should be a woman who herself was:

1. Never penetrated, so that means that she's virgin

2. She never engaged in any paramours with any man. That means what? She's completely innocent, pure

3. And she cannot be mushrikat. Mushrikat means what? She's not associating any partners with Allah

So now, how many non-Muslim women you'll find fit that category? So the Muslim men should know first that if they marry a non-Muslim woman, she had to fit some conditions.

The other thing is, brothers, be careful. If you marry a non-Muslim woman in the non-Muslim country, she has priority over your children. And if something happens to that marriage, 90% the chance is what? What do you think? The children will go with her.

So if she's a Christian and she's a non-Muslim and you're a Muslim, so on Sunday she wants to go to church. So she will take the children to the church. On Friday you want to take them to Jumu'ah. She say, "No, I don't think you should take them to Jumu'ah because I'm taking them to the church." So what will happen now? So now you're in a trap. You should have thought about that before you dived into that situation.

You was looking at her. You was thinking about her. But you wasn't thinking about the children. You wasn't thinking about the complications. So don't put yourself in that situation. Seven out of 10 of the marriages where the man marries a non-Muslim, he will lose the children. The children will wind up becoming kafirs. This is the record. So we don't recommend for the man to marry non-Muslim women.

But if they do, this is their right to dive into that trap. But I'm telling you brothers, when you jump into it, it is a trap.

Now if you marry a non-Muslim woman, but she's not going to church, she don't associate no partners with Allah, she is a clean woman, she is listening to you, and you believe there's a good chance for her to become a Muslimah, then it's halal for you to do it. But my advice, if you think maybe she should become a Muslimah, you should wait a little while and see if she will. Because if she becomes a Muslimah, most of your problems have been solved.

But if she's not, she's a kafir, and she has the support of her kafir family. Brother, you're in for some problems. You're in for some problems. Tie your seatbelt on. That's all I can tell you.

Question 6: Can a Co-Wife Be Beneficial?

Question: Shaykh, you said, a co-wife may be beneficial. Should the woman then choose or help choose a second wife?

Answer: This is wonderful. This is absolutely wonderful. If a sister, if a sister can say to her husband, "Brother, look, Habibi, I don't want you to marry again. I don't really like it. But if I think you will, or you think you must, or because of the condition of other sisters, please, let me help you. Let me make sure that it's a sister that I can get along with. I know what you like, and I know what you dislike. Let me please help you. So before you select somebody, please, let me help you, please."

If a brother has a sister like that, he's really foolish if he does not allow the sister to help him in this matter. May Allah bless the sister, inshallah, who thinks that way. It's okay.

Question 7: About the Verse on Hidden Thoughts

Question: Allah says:

"Whether you show what is within yourselves or conceal it, Allah will bring you to account for it." (Quran 2:284)

First of all, brothers, please, let me get patience, please. First of all, this ayah has been subject to nasakh. This ayah is mansur. The companions of the Prophet ﷺ complained that this verse was too strict. But the Prophet ﷺ said that they are not to be like the Jews and to say, "we heard" and to say "we hear and we obey."

Two verses later, Allah abrogated that verse with something far lighter. So this means that the previous verse was to test their faith and once they passed the test, it was removed.

Follow-up: Could the verses of multiple marriage also be a test like that to women? That is, even though it may never happen to them, they are still to be tested to see the level of obedience they have.

Answer: Mashallah. This is good. Alhamdulillah. If they want to take it as a test, they can take it as a test. But the bottom line, it is a hukum. It is not just a test. It is a hukum.

Allah has made hukum that the men can marry two, three or four. And in certain cases, it becomes wajib on the men to do so. Mustahaba in some cases and wajib in other cases. So it is not just an issue of testing the women. It is a test. But it is also a hukum from Allah. It is from the ahkam of Allah that men have this right.

And the sisters, again I say to you, may Allah reward you. May Allah help you in your ability to negotiate this particular issue. And I know it is a difficult issue. No man can say, "I understand what a woman goes through in pregnancy." You don't understand. And no man can say, "I know where the sister is going." "Sister, I know how you feel. Sister, I know how you feel. I'm going to take another wife. I know how you feel."

Brother, you don't know how she feels. So don't say that. You don't really know how she feels. The bottom line is sisters, don't be angry with your husband. And don't be angry with Allah. And don't be angry with the Prophet ﷺ that he enacted this ahkam, this hukum from Allah.

He taught us, the Prophet ﷺ taught us how to deal with the multiple marriage. He said:

(Sunan at-Tirmidhi, Hadith 3895)

"The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family." (Sunan at-Tirmidhi, Hadith 3895)

But let's look at this situation. Did it mean that he gave his family the best of materials for their house? The best of clothes? The best of food? No, it doesn't mean that. Because when the Prophet ﷺ passed away, Aisha رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا said:

"Verily when the Prophet ﷺ passed away he had only in his house these possessions: A white mule, which he used to ride on. A cloak, which he used to cover himself with. And a wooden bowl, which he used to eat his food from. And he ordered that all of that be given away to Ibn Sabir."

So if that's all the Prophet ﷺ had he evidently didn't mean give them the best of the world.

Secondly, when the Prophet ﷺ was on his deathbed, and he was falling in and out of coma, he woke up and he asked Aisha, "O Aisha, what property is in the house of Muhammad ﷺ ?"

She said, "Ya Rasulullah, we have some dinaran, or we have some diraham, that is some money." The Prophet ﷺ said, "O Aisha, collect this money together and give it to Ibn Sabir. Give it away."

So Aisha, she's thinking like all women think. "Maybe the Prophet he's ill, you see. Maybe he's talking out of his head. I'm gonna give away the only money I got in the house." So she did not give it away. When the Prophet ﷺ came back to consciousness, what do you think he asked her?

"O Aisha, what did you do with this money?"

She said, "Ya Rasulullah, wallahi I did not give it away. I was afraid that so and so and so and so."

He said, "O Aisha, what will Muhammad ﷺ do when he goes in front of his Lord and he left in this world some property?"

La ilaha illallah. So the Prophet ﷺ he passed away, not leaving any diraham, no dinaran. And even when the wives of the Prophet ﷺ came to Abu Bakr and came to Umar, demanding that some of the baitul mal should come to them. They said, "No. No, no, no. The Prophet ﷺ did not order that anything from the baitul mal will come to his wives. But you are our mothers, we will take care of you. But you don't have any special rights to receive anything from the baitul mal."

Subhanallah. So sisters, inshallah, I just want to remind you, take the wives of the Prophet ﷺ the ummahatul mu'mineen, as your examples, inshallah. And sometimes Allah did not give you the best of husbands, but sometimes He did not give the husbands the best of wives.

Be careful. Fear Allah and ask Allah for all of your needs, inshallah. Look to your behavior, look to your behavior, look to your behavior.

Closing Remarks

And inshallah, I ask Allah to forgive me for anything I may have said excessive, anything I may have said that was my own opinion, or anything I may have said that was wrong. And if I said something and I had dalil for it, you take it. If I said something which I had no proof for and you have evidence of it, throw it away.

Don't worry about it. And don't be angry with your brother Khalid if he said something to the best of his intention. I didn't mean to say anything wrong to anybody, inshallah.

وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ

وَصَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَى نَبِيِّنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ أَجْمَعِينَ

End of Lecture