Women, Shari’ah and Islam

Women, Shari'ah and Islam

Fundamental Principles of Usul al-Fiqh

Insha'Allah I'll just finish these principles that we were going over yesterday. After the five dominant principles, Izz Ibn Abdus Salam, who's one of the great scholars of Usul, said that he's reduced all of the principles of Usul to two principles in Sharia: the accruement of benefits and avoidance of harms. So everything in Sharia is either to accrue benefits or to avoid harm for the human.

And then some added to that that in fact really only one is considered which is benefit because even avoidance of harm is a benefit.

Seven Reasons for Ease and Facilitation in Islamic Law

First Reason: Traveling (السفر)

Now in terms of ease and facilitation, there are basically seven reasons for it. One is traveling. So when a Muslim travels, because of the nature of traveling there's a hardship in it. That there's ease made, facilitation made. For instance in the prayer, we're able to shorten the prayer.

And shortening the prayer, although it's a Rukhsah, it's considered a Sunnah. Unlike for instance breaking your fast. Breaking your fast is permissible, but it's not a Sunnah when you travel. So you can do it, but shortening the prayer is actually a Sunnah when you travel. So it's encouraged even if you don't have any hardship to shorten the prayer anyway.

Second Reason: Illness (المرض)

And then illness is another reason for ease, Marab. If somebody becomes ill, then rules change for them. Because they obviously can't fulfill the same functions that a person who is healthy can.

Third Reason: Coercion (الإكراه)

And then the third is coercion, Ikrah. A person who is being coerced into things can even to the point where they can deny their Islam. If that's going to benefit them. So if somebody was threatening that they would kill them if they were Muslim, then they could say at that point that they're not Muslim. As long as the Qur'an says their heart is content with Iman.

Fourth Reason: Forgetfulness (النسيان)

And then another is forgetfulness. That one of the things that the Prophet ﷺ said: that the pen of responsibility has been raised from three in my Ummah. From the child until they reach puberty. The sleeper until they wake. And the mad person until they become well.

And then in another Hadith he said that Allah does not take my Ummah to account for their unintentional mistakes. Their forgetfulness or what they were forced or compelled to do by others without choice.

Fifth Reason: Ignorance of Judgment (الجهل بالحكم)

And then also ignorance of a judgment. Jahal bil hukum. So in certain situations that there is a reason. That's a valid reason. If somebody really doesn't know and it's not something that there was necessarily. If it was a Fard Ayn, there's things that there's no excuse for not knowing. And there are other things that there's an excuse for not knowing.

Sixth Reason: Overwhelming Difficulty (العسر)

And then overwhelming difficulty is Usr. And this is something in which it becomes so difficult that it's really hard to function. And that necessitates facilitation.

So an example of that would be like a butcher. Even though blood is najis in normal circumstances. For a butcher they can pray in an area where there's blood. And they can pray even with blood on them. Because it would be just too difficult for that person. It's his job. And if he's working in the daytime. That's one example.

Another example is a woman taking care of small children. Even though she needs to be vigilant about the uncleanliness of urine and these things. Because it's so difficult for her to do that. That she's excused. If she prays and there's najas on her clothes. Then that's overlooked. And that's an example of Usr facilitating ease.

And another is when things spread to such a degree that the whole community is affected by it. For instance, now paper money. Usurious money. That's how the world is doing their transactions. For you to completely disengage from that would create an undue hardship on you. A type of Usr on you. So that at that point there's ease facilitated for you.

Seventh Reason: Deficiency (النقص)

And then another is the seventh is deficiency, which is called naqs. And this is that Allah subhana wa ta'ala lets us know that there are situations where there's deficiency. And that's a valid reason for excuses.

For children for instance. Why there's no taklif for children. The lame. If somebody is physically incapable. They don't have the responsibility of jihad. Of doing things. Defending the city if they can't. Somebody who's blind. These are deficiencies that are recognized by Sharia. And there's absolutely no blemish or fault on the person who is deficient.

Women and the Concept of Naqs (Deficiency)

And also women concerning livelihood. That women are not because of the nature of children. The bearing of children. Raising of children. Allah has excused women from the hardship of livelihood. Of earning a living. And put that responsibility on men. For that reason.

And also Jumu'ah. The woman does not have to go to Jumu'ah. Because it would be an undue hardship on her. Because of the nature of her responsibilities. With her children and other things. Well it goes under naqs. In other words. Because the naqs is that. Allah subhana wa ta'ala is saying that there's some aspects of the group. Or of the individual. Or in this case of the gender. That does not enable them to fully participate in something. So there's a type of naqs there. And that's how it's defined.

But it is related to difficulty. To an overwhelming burden. I mean that is part of it. But it's actually related to the fact that pregnancy is seen in sharia. For instance, as actually like an illness. And later, late term pregnancy is considered an actual possible terminal illness. Right. And it's literally seen as an illness in which the person could very well die from. Now that's been lessened certainly in this culture where you have technological means for that. But still it's a very serious problem around the world. For women when they're pregnant. They're in a condition that could easily become dangerous for her. I mean it is a dangerous condition. But it could easily become tragic.

Discussion on the Concept of Deficiency

Because like if a blind person were sitting here. They probably wouldn't consider themselves under that definition of being deficient. That's a very modern thing. You see this idea. You know this idea of saying, you know they're visually impaired or visually challenged. I mean this is a very modern idea. And I know that a lot of us have been kind of indoctrinated in schools and things about this. But it's really denying some very obvious facts about reality.

You know the sharia is very clear that there is a naqs there. I mean that blindness is, it does limit people. You know it does. Whether we like it or not. It limits people. And what the sharia is saying is this in no way reflects on their spiritual state or on who they are as a human being. But it does have an impact on certain things that they're not able to do that other people are able to do. Absolutely. Yes.

The sharia definitely sees that. Now this does not mean that, you know this is not a blanket statement for all women. There are women that are, you know more capable than most men in all the various areas that men do things in. You know it's not just, it's not saying that this is every single woman. No. But it is saying because the majority of women will get pregnant. The majority of women will experience raising children. I mean that the hukam goes for the majority.

Clarification on Terminology

Yeah. I mean if it was, you know, that they have some limitations. I mean I don't know. Just the word deficient is very. Naqsa. Naqsa means in Arabic. Naqsa means it does relate to limitations. You know. And limitations are. Yeah. I mean we'll get into semantics. But in no way saying from a sharia point of view a woman is spiritually the same as a man. Is literally no different at the spiritual level. And it's very clear in the Quran. That and in terms of her rights.

In some ways the sharia is actually, there is, well Allah says: وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَالرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ [Quran 2:228] - They have the same rights that are against them. And then it says: And men have one degree over the women. That's in the Quran.

The Ulama interpreted that generally to mean that the degree that is that men have over women is that they should fulfill all of their rights to women but should not expect women to fulfill all their rights to men. That's how Ibn Abbas interpreted it. In other words, that a man should be expected to give all of his rights owing to the woman in any relationship. But he should be willing to overlook any of the rights that she does not fulfill.

The Hadith About Women in the Hellfire

So, uh huh. There is a Hadith that says that. And it's, it's one. It's called Hadith Ahad, which is Hadith of singular narrations. It's not Mutawatir. And the thing about Hadith with singular narrations is that they cannot be used for a point of Aqidah. In other words, they cannot be used to give us a judgment or a fixed principle about the Aqidah. And the next world is called the Ghayb or is related to Aqidah. So really the Hadith cannot be used to, you know, as a way of proving something about the Aqidah.

Generally what I've seen is it's been used as a, the reason it was given was called Kufran al-Ishrah, which is that it was a warning. The Hadith was a warning to women not to showing gratitude about which is marital relationships. That they should not, that they should be reminded to be show gratitude and be grateful.

That's another Hadith. That's not the same Hadith. That is another Hadith that relates to not. And it's the word that's used and this is why the people use that word in. And it said that the women have naqs in their deen and they have naqs in their reasoning. That's what the Hadith says.

And again the Ulama have been very clear to point out that the naqs that was mentioned is not a blanket statement that you're talking about the majority of women and certainly not all women. Because there are many women whose deen is by far much much better than the vast majority of men. And there are many women whose intellects by far surpass the intellects of most men.

Understanding the Meaning of Naqs

That will, it's the word that's used is naqs. And I'm translating it here now in Arabic. Naqs means to, naqs, that we remove from the edges of the Earth. Right. Or begin. And some say it's the, you know, what's happening on the shores. Like a breakdown of the shores. So it to do with a lessening or something like that.

And I know there's a word that, you know, Jamal Badawi is so diplomatic and there's a really good word that he uses. You know. So it just relates to the inability to fulfill functions that other people. Yeah. It's the limitation.

Specific Examples of Naqs in Religious Practice

In prayer is the menstrual cycle. Right. That women will not pray. A large, I mean if you actually work it out over their lifetime, it will be a large portion of time that a man would pray. Especially if a woman has an

average cycle, maybe seven, five to seven days in a month. I mean that's, that's a considerable amount of time.

And although in Maliki school she can recite the Quran even from the Mushaf, but generally, you know, she will be limited. She won't fast in that time. And her worship is cut off. And then the other is related to the situation. I mean the cycle and the effects that it has on women as well. Because these are, you know, their real effects. Not all women have the same response. But there are many women that do. You know. The hormonal changes that take place during that time can be very difficult and trying for women.

Quranic References to Naqs

Yes. It is used in the Quran several times. The thing about it is, this relates to cosmology and it relates to cosmology and it relates to some fundamental difference in terms of the male of the female. There is opposite there. And even within, you know, what is taking place.

Women, Ornamentation, and Social Context

In the Quran, it is about, you know, about being raised in, and I think this also, there's some socialization that's involved here, definitely. You know, the idea of women being raised with ornaments is mentioned in the Qur'an, that in most human societies, women are raised with ornaments.

The idea that, you know, that a woman, if she ornaments herself, that it's an addition, right? It's an addition, whereas a man is not ornamenting himself. See, a woman who's ornamenting herself in a culture, if she puts on earrings, if she puts on a makeup, if she's doing these things, then there's an addition there, whereas the man is not doing that. So, an addition of ornament, a zina.

No, the Qur'an doesn't say it's bad, but it points it out, because what the Quraysh were doing is that they were saying that many of the idols they were worshipping were female, by nature. They were female idols. And Allah said to them that, why is it that you take as gods that which you yourselves ornament? And the idea that what the Qur'an was articulating there is that what you're saying in your ornamentation of the women is that there's a want there.

And that negates divinity, that there's no want. You know, a god, an ilah, has no needs. And the idea that if you ornament something, that there's a need, there's a lack there.

Nature versus Socialization

So, it's not something that's imposed by socialization, or is it an instinct that we are fit? I think there's the ayah, the way that it's articulated is, one, that it's used in the passive form, which would indicate that there's definitely some socialization going on, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but there's definitely some socialization going on.

But also, from the Sharia point of view, given the nature of pregnancy, the nature of childbirth, the nature of the need for raising children and these things, that this limits the activities of a woman. And if she's not fulfilling

The Prophet's Love for Women and Their Qualities

And the Prophet ﷺ said:

I was made to love from your world three things, and one of them was women (النساء - an-nisa). And that is not in any way a sexual love. (حاشا لله، أستغفر الله - hasha lillah, astaghfirullah). You know, he loved the qualities of women.

And that is something the Prophet said, that he loved from the world the qualities of women. And he is called

- a mercy to all the world. And Allah says, I took the word mercy (رحمة - rahma) from the word womb (رحم - rahim)

So the source of mercy is the womb. And he's called (النَّبِيُّ الْأُمِّيُّ - an-nabiyyu al-ummiyy) the Prophet from the mother.

Complementary Differences Between Men and Women

So what you're saying is actually that man has deficiency in other ways, basically. Absolutely. But, there's a, it's the men's deficiencies are much more (باطن - batin) whereas the women's deficiencies are much more (ظاهر - zahir). So this is where you get into cosmology.

The interior of women is generally stronger than the interior of men. The exterior of men is stronger than the exterior of women, generally.

Well, I'll give you an example. When I worked in hospitals, women endure pain much better than men. Just to give you one example. You know, it used to always amaze me. You get these big giant kind of tattoos all over the place. And, you know, you didn't need to do a needle stick. And these big men, whereas the old lady would just put her arm out and not, you know, say anything.

The Story of the Man from Qazwin

You know, Qazwin, Rumi tells a story about the man from Qazwin. He goes to a tattoo artist. And he says, right, he says, make me a lion. I want a lion right on my back, because I've got Leo rising. And so, he says, and I

want, just make it really a majestic lion.

And so, the, you know, the tattoo artist puts the first pin in and, ah, what's that? He said, it's the tail. He said, no, no, forget the tail. We don't need a tail. So, then he starts again. He says, what's that? And he said, it's the rump. He said, no, no, forget the rump. We don't need a rump.

And then he starts again. He says, ah, what's that? He said, it's the stomach. He said, no, no, he can do without a stomach. And he goes on, and the man just can't take it. And so, finally, the tattoo artist just throws the needle down. And he says, look, even God didn't make a lion like this.

All right. So, which is, you know, I mean, the point Rumi was making is that there's people just have an idea about themselves, which is totally false. And I think a lot of men have an idea about themselves, an idea about themselves, which is totally false.

Complementary Opposites, Not Antagonistic Opposites

So, you know, for the, the Sharia in no way is setting up antagonistic opposites, right? It really isn't. And the whole point of Sachiko Murata's book was to indicate that really the cosmology of Islam is more akin to the idea of yin and yang, that these are complementary opposites. They are not antagonistic opposites.

In the West, there has been an antagonism set up between the male and the female. And this has resulted in literally the war of the sexes, you know, in a lot of really serious problems. In the Islamic tradition, there's no doubt that women have been abused and oppressed in many, many cultures. And certainly Islam has not been exempt from that in any way. And we've seen it. My own experience in the Muslim world, I've seen these things.

Divine Warnings Against Oppressing Women

But the actual tradition itself, in fact, is, and the fact that there has been an oppression is an indication of something in itself, you know, of the nature of weakness and strength outwardly. And there are many, many verses in which Allah warns the man.

And the best example is the actual verse, which is in Surah An-Nisa, about if a man is disciplining a woman who's disobedient, and it says that if you don't, you know, if you don't see from her, you know, if she's not doing anything which is incorrect, then don't desire to transgress the limits. And then it says:

- and know that Allah is exalted and great.

And the Mufasireen say that what Allah is saying is that Allah, if he's given you some physical strength that can empower you and enable you to oppress a woman, you should know that there's one stronger than you, who's able to destroy you. You see, it's very clear. So Allah warns the man.

Allah says, don't leave a woman suspended, you know, don't, neither divorcing her nor living with her in a good way. Prophet ﷺ literally put the khairiyah related to people, how they treat women. He said:

the best of you are the best to your women, and I'm the best of you to my women. So he literally put the khairiyah of the human condition in how, for the male, in how they treated their women.

Cultural Context and Modern Challenges

So there are many examples of that, but I think that generally, and this is definitely, you know, I think it's particularly in our culture and the culture I was raised in. I was raised by, you know, I had, I was raised by my mother, not my father, but I had, you know, four sisters, grew up in an environment with a lot of women. And, you know, I think definitely brought up in, with a sensitivity to that idea.

But in this culture, I think what's happened is, there have been some things that are very positive about bringing some awareness to things, but then there have also been things that have been very negative, and creating a lot of antagonism, and creating a lot of problems.

You know, so there are definitely some very positive things, in that we've become aware of certain things that really, I think, have a lot of people have not been aware of. But then there are other qualities and aspects, which is taking something to an extreme.

Scientific Evidence for Differences

I mean, I think a book that's really worth reading is Brain Sex by, I think her name's Winn. I can't remember right now. And she's, her PhD was in, I think, neurology or genetics. But she just clearly indicates that all of the research is indicating that there are very, very strong and major differences between the female nature and the male nature, that we are dealing really with some very fundamental differences.

And that she said to attempt to say that, you know, that there's this absolute equality is building a society on a biological lie. And the idea is not, you know, when we say something's not equal, we assume automatically that there has to be disparities and things like this. That's the automatic assumption.

Whereas I think from the Quran, Quranic worldview, it's not, that is not the assumption. The assumption is there are differences. And the differences are related to not just function, but also qualities.

Protection of Women's Inherent Nature

I mean, I think personally, one of the reasons why the Quran does not in any way encourage the idea of a woman being involved in witnessing and in blood and these type of things is actually in sense of protection of something that is inherent to her nature, which is mercy. Because the nature of a witness is that they have to lose their compassion. They have to lose their mercy and become this kind of objective, non-biased, this is it. I don't care what happens to this person.

Scientific Studies on Compassion and Gender

You know, it's, I mean, it's very interesting, which is easier for men. They've done these studies, like at Stanford,

where they hooked men and women up to all these PET scans, and then they would tell really sad stories. And the women's brains would just become totally activated, right? All these centers would be activated from these stories. And the men's wouldn't, you know, it'd be just like, you know, so what, you know, somebody died.

Really, it's very interesting.

So the women, there was a compassion there and an empathy to people they had no knowledge about. They would, you know, just hearing their story would cause them to feel a type. Women, if they hear a baby cry, right, who's not their baby, will often start, the milk will start flowing, right? It's not their baby. The milk will literally start flowing.

Examples from Traditional Cultures

One of the things, like in Mauritanian culture, is that a little baby, if it goes into the tent of another woman who happens to have a baby, and it's hungry or crying, she immediately takes it and feeds it. It's, and that's how a lot of the wet nursing, many, many of the children there are related.

I know a man, he told me he had over, I think, 40 mothers from wet nursing, because he grew up in a tribal situation where if he was hungry and a woman was there, I mean, she just took him and fed him, right?

Now, though, those are qualities that you're just not gonna find in the vast majority of men. I mean, you will find men that are deeply compassionate.

The Prophet's Compassionate Nature

The Prophet ﷺ, one of the things he was accused of was being like a woman. You know, he was, the Arabs were just, they, you know, they were tough people. They didn't like shows of emotion.

One of the, I think, Jeddah ibn Qais, he saw the Prophet kissing a baby, and he said, you kiss babies? He said, I've got ten children, I've never kissed one of them. And the Prophet said to him ﷺ: I have nothing in my teaching for people that don't have mercy in their hearts.

Understanding Women's Experiences and Perspectives

Yeah. So, you know, I think you really have to be careful and just, I mean, I, well, it's, I think it's probably more difficult for, you know, it's more difficult for, you know, when a woman hears these things like what I was just mentioning, it obviously has a very different impact than what a man did.

I think, I just, it's like a linguistic thing, like when you see these words, there's something that comes to your mind. I think, from my experiences, I hear stories from Muslim women that men in their lives have taken the words and actually used them against the woman. Right. Rather than taking them for what they are. Yeah. There's an inherent bias that comes when you hear a word like that. Right.

And it's not so. I think that's a really good point. I think that's a very good point, you know, and this is definitely something, and part of this, you know, there's an onus within the family itself, and certainly on the woman to break type of Jahili cycles that take place within the family. Right. Clear preferences to males. Right.

Breaking Jahili Cycles of Gender Preference

Because this is something that unfortunately that the women have been socialized into, and is alien to the Islamic tradition. The Prophet ﷺ, his children, he had daughters. Fatima was the closest for all his children, and he's called Abu Zahra.

I knew an Arab man who had a daughter, and I called him by the kunya of his daughter's name, and he was really offended. And I said, you know, I find it really interesting that the Prophet ﷺ was, you know, one of the names that he's honored with is being called the father of Fatima, you know, so Abu Zahra. So I don't see why anybody should, you know.

Addressing Misunderstandings Among Muslims

To make sure, you know, it's one thing just to figure out what everyone is feeling, but the other thing is to make sure that you're trying to clear up the misperceptions of the brothers in Islam. The brothers also care for the women's issues, and you know, there have been a positive understanding of that.

There are a lot of brothers who go back to their families and say things, and actually they're, you know, women and like to go to the mosque if they're deficient or, you know, and just all these various ways in which they reinforce this idea, which is not what the word means, but it's what they understand.

Right, and I think those are all really well-taken points.

Problematic Translations and Misrepresentations

Abu Zahra, you know, is a really respected scholar and all that, say things like, because I think this kind of has something to do with it too, when our really highly respected scholars say things like, you know, if you really want to be close to Allah, stay away from women, and things like that, and then Rumi has a poem about women and the donkey and doing really horrible, horrendous things.

Bad translation, by the way. Oh, that was really bad. That was a really, that's, my friend Muhammad Isa Wali, who's like a Rumi scholar, when I asked him about some of the poems that I'd read in one translation, and that's one of them, he said, you know, the Mawlana would never, that's not his language, and then he just said that he called that translation Rumi, R-O-O-M-Y.

Historical Context and Greek Influences

So, you know, again, you're getting into cosmology, and I think definitely, there are definitely some very serious problems that can arise, and abuses of language, and the cosmology that has been traditionally understood in the

Islamic teaching.

A good example of that is the idea of, you know, within the Greek, and particularly the Hellenistic Christian tradition, women were seen as evil. And there's, I read once a story about an American man who went to a monastery, a Greek Orthodox monastery, on one of the islands, and you have to go up on baskets to get up there. They're like up on top of cliffs, and you can't get there without being hoisted up in a basket.

And he said that he was there with this monk, and they were looking out over the Aegean Sea, and he was feeling very spiritual, and he was wishing that this monk could communicate some truth to him, but he couldn't speak Greek. And he said at that point, the monk said to him in English, women evil. And he said it just was so kind of disturbing for him.

And that was the idea, that a monk, in a sense, that was part of what he was fleeing from. And the Prophet ﷺ really nullified all of that, those ideas.

The Prophet's Consultation with Women

The Treaty of Hudaybiyyah

Umm Salama, he took counsel with. It's unheard of. On the day of, you know, when they went to make the hajj, and then they were prohibited from making the hajj. Well, they made an agreement, and one of the agreements was that they would go back and not make hajj.

And Omar was furious. It was really the only time Omar really, I mean, he challenged, in a sense, the Prophet ﷺ. And that was the day that the only person that didn't was Abu Bakr from the men. And he shook Omar and just said, look, do you know who he is? He's a messenger of Allah. Do you think he's doing this from himself?

But the Prophet went in, and he told Umm Salama what was happening. And Umm Salama said, you know, you should go out, and you should shave your head, and you should sacrifice your hajji, which was the right. That was how they would have completed their hajj. Just do that as a way of, you know, making the people feel that it's not in total loss, that they've come, and they came with the intention of doing hajj, and inshallah Allah will reward them with the hajj. And that's what he did.

The Prophet took her advice and went out and did that. And there are many examples of that, you know. The Prophet ﷺ had, you know, great respect for his women.

Aisha's High Status

And certainly, Aisha radillahu anha is somebody who, her opinion was regarded at the highest levels by the companions.

I think, like, us, my understanding is that the Prophet was wise. People tend to look at it as only they, you know, women that, like, there's no women now who have the, you know, respect that the Prophet ﷺ would do,

you know, deserving that. Like, only they, no other women since then could possibly, you know, not possibly, that are not deserving of such respect.

Contemporary Challenges in Muslim Communities

Well, I think we're dealing with a lot of jahiliyyah within the Muslim communities and cultures. And I certainly know a lot of men that don't, that aren't like that. But I do know a lot of Muslim men that do hold these type of attitudes. And there needs to be a lot of education, you know, there really does.

And I think part of it, part of the shock now is that there are many, many Muslim women, for instance, in this culture, that don't want to marry from their traditional cultures anymore. They really don't. There's Muslim women that have been raised here from other cultures that don't want, they don't want part of that. You know, because they see it in a different light. They do see certain things that are, you know, they're just, they're not right. They're not right.

The Prophet's Example in Household Service

You know, to give you an example, Sidi Abdullah al-Qadi, you know, he's, he told me, one of the things he told me is that in his house, he never asks his wife for anything. He always gets what he wants. If he wants, you know, tea or something, or if he wants, he goes and does it for himself, which is a sunnah in the house.

You know, he told me she's got five children. I mean, she doesn't need another, you know, another helpless person in the house, right? And when they asked Aisha how the Prophet was in the house she said: كَانَ فِي خِدْمَةِ أَهْلِهِ - He was serving his family, the women. He was helping them out. He used to sew his own clothes. He didn't have his women sew. He used to sew his own clothes. Fix his, repair his own things.

You know, and that's what he did. And now, in a lot of cultures, that's like, it's a'ayib. It really, it's a'ayib. You know, for a man to do something, it's like, it's a'ayib.

Understanding Al-Ghazali on Desires

Are you saying that, um, that that advice doesn't have any foundation, when the, um, when the scholars do the advice that if you want to be close to Allah, stay away from women, and all that kind of thing?

What I'm wondering then, when I read this, this Al-Ghazali making of his desires, it talks in the introduction about his influence of all, like, Plato, and all these different, like, western philosophers. And then it starts talking about women as the snares of the devil. I mean, do you think that some of that, like, seeps in there, or is it?

I think, you know, I think what Imam Al-Ghazali was talking about, he is talking about two fundamental desires within the human being. One of them is the stomach, and the other is the genitals. And he's saying that if, that these, if we can master these, then we become masters of ourselves. If we can't master these, then we're slaves to ourselves.

Now, for a man, those relate to, uh, you know, one of them relates to their desire for women. You know, زُيِّنَ لِلنَّاسِ حُبُّ الشَّهَوَاتِ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ ]Quran 3:14] - I mean, that's one of the things. Now, that ayah is equally as applicable to women as well, in relation to men, right?

I mean, I think that what is being said there can be equally applied, uh, for women in terms of men, in relation to men. Although men definitely have a more difficult time, right, in these matters than women. One of the, and this is changing in the modern times, you know, particularly in this country. But that is not something that has traditionally been the situation.

Men's Weakness in Relation to Women

Men are weaker in these matters. In fact, it very clearly says in the Qur'an: خُلِقَ الْإِنسَانُ ضَعِيفًا ]Quran 4:28] - That man was created weak in relation to women. That there's, the women have a strength that men don't have.

And the Prophet ﷺ said, for instance, that a woman's capacity for sexual enjoyment is actually greater than a male's. And in one, by 99 parts. And he said, except Allah has made modesty so overbearing in a woman.

There's a modesty that Allah has placed in women that He didn't place in men. Right?

And this is why it's quite rare in cultures all over the world. I mean, you don't find women traditionally doing a lot of the crude things that men will do. You know, in relation to these things. So, it's certainly not talking about women. It is talking about the idea that a man must learn to control that. And if he doesn't, then he is susceptible to being, to losing himself.

The Quranic Verse on Desire

About what? What's that? It means that, you know, for men, it has been made beautiful to a man, the lusty desire for women. That that's something man is attracted to. But Allah is saying that that's something he needs to overcome. You know, but there's definitely, that is a very strong attraction within the male species.

The Wisdom of Hijab

And part of, and this is part of the reason is that the hijab is in a sense, really, the onus has been put on the woman out of the weakness of the man. For instance, a man, now look at this. A man can walk in the street with his shirt off.

Now, it is not permissible for a woman to look at the man's chest, if it's an ajnabi man. But, the onus wasn't put on men because women are not seen. You know, Allah is saying that they're not as weak as men are in that area. That that type of attraction, I mean women, really, most women, certainly traditionally, and I think still to this day, are just, they're not just, you know, they're men that'll just go off. If they see a woman, they get seduced.

The Story of Prophet Dawood

There's a tradition about Dawood, alayhis salaam, saw all of these worshippers and he was admiring them. And

Allah said, if I sent one woman to these men, they would just go off with her. You know, in other words, you think they're great, or bad, but the reality of it is, they don't have an inner strength. So that is the type of weakness that the male has been given.

I think males are more aware of it because this is our experience. And it isn't the female experience, it's the male experience. Now there are female experiences that we're not aware of. And that's just, this is the human condition.

Understanding Different Perspectives

Now I had a teacher who was a male feminist, he was a teacher that taught me epistemology and one of the books we had to read was Towards a Feminist Epistemology. And one of the things, his argument was that a man, it's impossible for a man to understand the feminine condition.

I mean, he just felt it's impossible, we can't do it, we're incapable of understanding. And I disagreed with him in that I said that I think that the essential experiences about, for instance, there are many women that have experienced oppression. Now, although I cannot experience the female experience of oppression, I know what oppression is and I know my reaction to it because I have been oppressed and I think everybody in this room at some time in their life has felt oppression.

And they've felt the experiences that go with it. So we do have bonds and connections. We've felt pain, we've felt anguish, we've felt love, we've felt hate, we've felt jealousy. These are shared human experiences and these are things that can bind us and keep us together.

The Arrangement of Prayer Rows

A feminist came to one of the shows and said it's very unfair that when you have the salam that the men are in front and the women are behind and the shaykh said, well, why don't you put the women in front and see how the men do? Right, they'll lose their prayer. That's true.

I mean, the fact that women are behind the men, it's a clear indication there that that is not a major distraction for a woman in the way it is for a man. So most of the statements are, you know, when they say women are snares of evil and sufferings. It relates to an inherent flaw in the male. It's a fundamental weakness in the male, right? It really is. It's not about the woman. It's in fact something about the male.

Clarifying Misconceptions About "Evil"

What's that? No, the Prophet never says that women are evil. And also another thing, these are bad translations because a lot of times they talk about sharr and I mentioned that sharr in Arabic is not a moral. It has to do with, more with a want than it has to do with the idea of evil.

Right, I mean there's some, I've seen this in the Muslim books and personally I don't, it just, it bothers me. You know.

Preparing for Marriage with Pure Hearts

Is Allah just saying that both men and women should have purified hearts before they get married? Definitely they should at least be on the path of attempting to purify their hearts. You know, I don't think that you should delay marriage until you, you know, feel like you're in a state of purity or ikhlas or something like that. You know, you might end up getting married at about 60 or 70.

And Allah has also made, you know, there's natural attractions. Lust is part of the human condition. That is a natural attraction between a male and a female. That's not something abnormal. It's not something bad. What the shariah is saying is if you can't control that, you're in trouble. You have to be able to control it.

And the idea is that you will not be susceptible to falling into something that is a major wrong action because your taqwa, the mechanism within your soul, will prevent you from doing that.

The Virtue of Chastity

I think there's more of an onus on women. I really do. In the shariah. I definitely do. And I think in a sense it really is saying that there, I mean, Maryam is praised for being chaste. And Yusuf also is being praised for being chaste. Right? But really when you think of chastity, you think of Maryam, alayhi salam, before you think of Yusuf. That there's a, you know, the afeefah. What's called afeefah. It's something that is very, very.

Men's Social Veiling and Double Standards

And then men have a type of veiling that women don't have. Right? Which is not necessarily good. It's just that that happens. You know the Qur'an says: وَلَيْسَ الذَّكَّرُ كَالْأُنثَى ]Quran 3:36] - the male is not like the female. And that ayah is not saying the male is better than the female. It's that within a social context, there are certain things. And these are, they're dangerous for the male because they, if people that don't have taqwa will abuse those differences. Right? And that does happen.

Well, for instance, there are many, many men historically who have, you know, have had premarital relations. They're veiled. They go and they get married. And they used to call it in this culture, sowing is wild oats. Right?

Whereas when a woman does that, you know, it's very easy to get pregnant. She's labeled as a bad woman. Whereas from Sharia point of view, there's absolutely no distinction between the zina of a male or a female.

And I had a very strong argument with somebody about this who was from a Muslim country. And there was a Libyan man with me who was agreeing with me, you know, that for him, his son or his daughter was the same. And this other person would say, no, the daughter is worse. And I say, it's not worse in Sharia. It's worse in social stigma because of the nature of the woman.

In other words, there's this idea that, you know, it's a deep breach of the social contract. But the male is a breach. And it takes two to tango. Right? So, I mean, these are double standards. And they're not going to go

Preventive Measures in Islamic Law

And this is why the Sharia, really, there's a lot of preventive measures. The idea of not being alone with a woman. The khalwah. Right? And it goes for the same. A woman can't be alone with a man. You know, it's what...

The Issue of Handshaking

One of the things a lot of women in this culture, if a man doesn't shake the hand, they immediately assume, I'm unclean. The woman. Whereas a Muslim woman can't shake a male's hand. You know, it's the same way. But the interpretation is always seen from that perspective.

And this is part of the problem in our behavior as Muslims and in our articulation of our teaching. Right? Is that there's... There are gross misconceptions. Not only outside of the Islamic community, but inside the Islamic community as well. And that's where a lot of the source of the problem is. That there is Jahiliyyah. There is this kind of patriarchal nonsense going on that is not honoring women.

And, you know, the tradition says:

- That only noble men honor women and only wretched men dishonor them. You know? So, I mean, this is part of our challenge to start changing some of these cycles. Changing, breaking. Right? I think it's possible. It just takes a lot of work and effort.

Terminology Clarifications

What's the meaning of عفة in English? عفة is like... عفة is a type of... It's chastity. But it's related to... You know, عفة is somebody who's vigilant about her honor, her name.

And what does زنا mean? زنا just means... It means illicit relations. Whether it's adultery, which is between a married person or two married people, and fornication, which is people that aren't married. And the حد is worse for married people, obviously, than it is for unmarried people.

Rules Regarding Ajnabi Relations

Uh-huh? What about male family members or cousins? Would the same rule apply as far as I'm being relevant? If you can marry the person, the rule applies. That's the general rule. If you can marry them, if there's a potential possibility, even if at the given point you can't marry them, but because of divorce or death you could marry them, it has the same application.

So, like, you know, my brother might be married to a woman and at that time I can't marry her. But if my brother died or if my brother was divorced, then I could marry her. So in that situation, she's (أجنبية - ajnabiyya) can't marry her.

Or my wife has a sister. I can't marry my wife's sister. But if my wife, if there was a divorce or a death, then I could. So if there's either the possibility of marriage, immediate possibility or potential possibility, then that is (أجنبية - ajnabiyya) for male and female. The male is (أجنبي - ajnabi) and the female is (أجنبية - ajnabiyya)

The Danger of Close Relations

Does it really mean anything else? Doesn't matter. Nope. Sharia is really strict about those things. So, like, if you're bringing into question your brother or you're looking for your husband. Bad news, bad news. Really, bad news.

(الحمو الموت - Al-hamu al-mawt) - Prophet said, you know, brother-in-laws or death. You know, it's bad news. Human beings are human beings. I guarantee you within this culture, a lot of the stuff that goes on is, you know, it's not Oprah Winfrey, but the other type, you know, soap operas, you know, these Moorish Povey or whatever, you know, these type of things. No, it's all about, you know, you know, brother steals, you know, wife, right? And stuff like that.

And it's all because of these type close interviews. It happens all the time in this culture, things like that. You know, and most of the illicit relationships happen in work spaces. In other words, you know, here's a woman or a man who's, you know, he's been married seven or eight years, getting kind of quote-unquote boring. They call it seven-year itch.

You know, and he's working, and he's, you know, he's got this woman he's working with, and she's really interesting. They have really interesting conversations. And he's thinking, you know, why can't I have a conversation like this with my wife? You know, and then, or maybe she's never been married before, and, you know, the wife's had two or three children. She doesn't look as good as she did when he first married her, right?

And this woman, she looks really good, and this is how it all happens. You know, or the woman says, this guy's so much more interesting than my husband. You know, or he pays attention to me.

Real-Life Example of Inattention

You know, like I was on the airplane, and there was this woman with her husband who was sitting across from me, and they had a couple kids, and he was reading, he was an MD, and he was reading a magazine about football. And then, you know, he'd been reading it for half the flight, so she says to him, is the magazine good? Do you like it? You know, sweetheart? Blah, blah, blah. And he's just, hmm.

So I think she said it again, no response. And I just looked at her, and I said, my wife hates when I do that. And she said, you just get used to it, you know. Right? My wife actually counts, because I have this kind of delayed, you know, my reticular formation picks up, you know, after about ten seconds. So she'll ask me a question when I'm reading, and then she'll just say, one, two, and then for about ten seconds I'll say, oh, I think this or that, you know. She just shakes her head.

See, that's an example of...

The Ruling on Handshaking

Yeah. You're not supposed to shake hands with people. And that is the hukam, you know. And sometimes, you know, that's a really difficult one. Just sometimes, because it's almost like it's become spontaneous, you know. It's just, and it's really hard to, somebody puts their hand right in front of your hand.

I mean, I had my, one of my sheikhs, who has a lot of taqwa, but he had to go, he went on this, you know, he was sent by the government to Russia. And he went to, I think, Kazakhstan or one of Nuristan. Kazakhstan, I think. And the, he was really bothered by, you know, the protocol and things like that, because he was representing the United Arab Emirates. So there's, you know, diplomatic concerns and things.

But he, when he got to Kazakhstan when they came out, they were shaking hands. And he came to the wife of the president, you know. And his hand was there and she just went like this. You know, like, I can't shake your hand. So this guy, he said it was a big shock for him just to kind of, he said, astaghfirullah. Yeah. That the woman didn't want to shake his hand, because she was a Muslim.

Navigating Cultural Sensitivities

What do you do in that situation? That's a big problem. I think the most important thing is to try to explain. It could actually become an opportunity for dialogue. I mean, I don't think you have to go into the fact, you know, well, did you know that sexual pheromones are transmitted through touch and things like that.

There was a mosque and they invited the neighbors for some Eid, you know, lunch or brunch or something. And then some of the ladies came over and, you know, she stretched out her hand to the guy and said, I can't touch you, you're a lady, you know. And she got so offended. She got so offended that she said, I'll never ever come to you Muslims ever. I'll never, you know.

Yeah, it's a very sensitive issue and I think there definitely needs to be more awareness within the community. And one of the things is, that's part of the thing about going to high schools and going to, and explaining, you know, there's opportunities like 7th grade, 9th grade, going to high schools, explaining to people and bringing up that issue.

The Consequences of Handshaking

You said that, what is the consequences? I mean, one thing, if you lose your wudu, that's for sure. If you're shabby. Not if you're shabby. Let's say you lose your wudu. This is a consequence. Not if you don't lose your wudu. Let's say you don't. What is the consequence of shaking, you got a hair fire right there, you know. What are you losing by?

It's not a major wrong action. It's not like kabira. It doesn't go under the mubiqat or the kabair like that. But it's prohibited. There is a nahi. Yes. About the qabda. Yeah, I know. But I mean, there is a nahi. Definitely. And it's

taken from the ayah.

- Which is called (مفهوم الأولى - mafhum al-awla). The Quran says, lower the gaze. And (مفهوم الأولى - mafhum al-awla) in tafsir is, like in, for instance, in the Quran it says, to parents, oof. Well, from that, the scholars take that you certainly can't hit them. If you can't say oof to them, you definitely can't hit them because it's (مفهوم الأولى - mafhum al-awla). It's even something you should understand even more.

That if saying oof is prohibited, then certainly to say, to hit them is prohibited. And the Quran when it says, tell them to lower the eyes. Well, touch is much, yeah, it's a stronger, and that's where, and there is a sound hadith that the Prophet never once touched an ajnabiya woman, ever. Ever. He did not touch any woman that he was not directly related to or had rights over in terms of, you know, sexual.

Cultural Context of Handshaking

It's traditional. What happens if you do touch a woman, you lose, not lose, you would lose. That means there is a place for it. If they talk about that, that if you touch a woman, this happens. But people do it, and you find it in a lot of cultures, even Muslim cultures, like Morocco is a good example. It's an orf there. Doesn't mean it's permissible, but it does happen. You know, it's very common.

And there is not a, you know, there is not a, there is no, you know, sexuality involved in it or anything, but it's a barrier that the sharia has put there between males and females.

There is a narration, a hadith, about the severity of punishment of someone who does touch a woman. Well, you have to get into what's intention and things like that, you know. And yeah, there are some strong hadiths, but again, you know, you just, I don't know, there's something that one of my sheikhs called fiqh al-waqi, which is the jurisprudence of reality, you know, and recognize that there's a lot of people that are just, you know, it's part, within this culture, there's just, there's situations where people find themselves in, you know, where things are compromised.

It's not in any way saying it's right or correct or things like that, but these are situations that need to be remedied, and the way that they're remedied is through education, information. That is the way they're remedied.

But in that unique situation, wouldn't that be considered comparing circumstances? Well, yeah, I don't know. I can't give a fatwa about that. I mean, I just can't. You know, I don't know. I don't know. I couldn't.

Explaining the Ruling to Non-Muslims

What's a good way of explaining to someone that... Well, what I told my wife is that you need to explain, you know, that it's both ways. It's not just coming, it's not that the woman's bad, because that's what the women, because it's like, oh, this confirms all my fears. Because she'll go to the woman, the Muslim woman, and she'll

shake her hand. But then she goes to the man, he won't shake her hand. So she's like, you know, this is exactly what I read in Newsweek. It's true. There really are like this, you know.

So it becomes this kind of confirmation for some preconceived prejudices and biases, right? And we're dealing with a lot, you know. You're not coming to a table where, oh, I don't know anything about your religion. Let's see what it's like to spend time with a Muslim. No, it's, oh, Muslim. Yeah, I've read about you people.

And then it's going to start, the littlest things are going to be interpreted as confirming that very thing. You know, he didn't shake my hand. You see, they don't like women. No, seriously, this is the way people think.

The Issue of Eye Contact

And it's odd, because another thing is like, you know, the idea of not looking at the women, which a lot of men, Muslim men do that, of not giving eye contact, which in this culture is, that means you're ignoring me. Or generally for a woman, it's going to be, he didn't give me any acknowledgement, right? I mean, is that the way a woman's going to perceive that?

People interpret it as disrespect. Disrespect and also, oftentimes dishonesty, right? You're dealing with cultural interpretations.

For instance, in Latino culture, for a woman to look at, a younger woman to look at a man's eyes is seen as almost like a flirtation, or, you know, that there is. In traditional Latino culture, it's disencouraged for a woman. They will oftentimes avert their glance from men.

American Cultural Expectations

So, you know, you're dealing with cultural sensitivities. But for the Americans, if you look me in the eye, give me a firm handshake, right? An American wants that. He doesn't want this kind of limp hand. No, no, he wants a firm handshake. And when you talk to me, talk to me in the eye. Right? Because he wants to feel you're being honest with him. But if he sees you kind of looking away or something, what's he hiding? Really, that's the way.

So you're dealing with cultural norms. And they're very powerful. And, you know, I don't know. I've read, you know, 80% of communication is nonverbal. Wallahu ta'ala alam. A good percentage of it is. I don't know if it's that high, but a good percentage of communication is nonverbal. And you have to be aware of who you're talking to and what sign language means.

Because from children, a cultural sign language is being learned. And you can't just discard it.

Cultural Sensitivity and Adaptation

That's why they have whole courses on cultural sensitivity. They have people that come into corporations and teach managers who are working with Indians, for instance. Because Indians have a completely different

Examples of Cultural Differences

You know, you go to Saudi Arabia for you to point your feet at somebody you know, it's disrespect. In Mauritania, it's not. At all. You know? In Syria or places like that, if you're in a class and you're not completely up and attentive, you're showing gross disrespect to the teacher. And same in Japan or Asia. If you're in Africa, it's not the case.

So you have different... What's that? Africa is unique in that sense. Africa is very laid back. Africa is... I like Africa. It's just kind of very... They're very relaxed and they're not uptight. They really aren't. You know? West Africans are very relaxed. And I personally, I feel much more comfortable.

Part of it is... You know, I was telling my... I was playing ball with my children in the living room, throwing it off the wall. And my wife came in. She said, Did your parents let you do that? And I said, What? And she said, Did they let you just play in the living room like that? And I said, Yeah. I said, What about you? She said, No. That was off-limits. The living room was off-limits.

And I said, Well, there you have really struck at the core of the reason why the Americans are ruling the world. Because they think they can play wherever they want. There's just no rules.

The Role of Cultural Norms in Islamic Jurisprudence

So, you know, you're dealing with a lot of variables and the challenge for us is to really kind of maintain to the best of our ability. (اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُمْ - You know, have taqwa of Allah. You know, as much as you're able to.

What's that, Isma? One of the five categories, things about fiqh that you talked about yesterday, wasn't one of them had to do with cultural norms? Norms. (العُرْفُ مُحَكَّمٌ - العَادَةُ مُحَكَّمَةٌ) - Yes, a norm is binding. In other words, and a norm is, in the Maliki Madhab in particular, norms are honored. The cultural norms of the people are honored. Islam does not want to uproot cultures. It doesn't want to turn everybody into Arabs. Really, that is not the intention behind Sharia.

But that's after Sharia. Or is that... If there's a conflict, then the Sharia is rules. But if there's no conflict, then the Orf of a people is honored? A faqih makes a decision. He has to include the Orf. He has to understand the Orf of the people.

Sometimes, a Madhab will be related to a certain Orf the way they took on, let's say, lowering the gaze. Lowering the gaze has to do with that Orf. Maybe lowering the gaze would mean something else in America. Right.

What's that? What would yogi be? What's that? What would yogi be? In India, in the cultural norm, in America, what would yogi be? That's why I said lowering the gaze. I mean, I personally think I think that, you know, the Prophet ﷺ lowered his gaze. And that was also outside of the norm of his culture.

In other words, men in his culture did not lower the gaze, but it was his character to lower his gaze. And that is indicating that there's something good in that, to lower the gaze. He did not look at men, either. In the Prophet ﷺ, they said that his modesty was like a virgin who was still cloistered. You know, who hadn't come out of her parents' house.

And if you know traditional culture, that is a very intense modesty. And that was his character. He was like, you know, his modesty was like a young girl coming into puberty, you know, in a traditional culture. Very, very modest by his nature.

The Loss of Modesty in Modern Culture

And, and I think our culture, this culture, the American culture, which I grew up in, has really lost completely the value of modesty. We look at it either as a neurosis that needs to be removed. Seriously. There's, like, women by nature, you know, they do have modesty. And I think it's more than socialization.

And I think that children do as well. You know, children want to have some privacy about certain things. Right? And I know somebody who told me that he raised his children, you know, that there was no nakedness in the, you know, everything. And he said at a certain point they just did not want to play by those rules anymore. His children. They wanted to change the rules. We don't want to be naked around you. Right?

So, you know, I just, I think that the people can do a lot of damage in trying to force, like, for instance, you know, there's a whole thing where you have to force people to talk in front of other people.

Right? There's this idea in classrooms that all the ones that don't talk, you know, that it's, that's not a good sign. That's a bad sign. From the Islamic point of view, it's actually a good sign. Now, there could be some people that do damage there. Really, you could be dealing with some trauma that related to how they were raised. And there's no doubt about that.

But you could be dealing with a very modest person by their nature. You know, there might not have been any trauma there. It might simply be, that is their character. And that's a really good thing. It's a very beautiful thing. And it should be honored and appreciated. And they should not be forced to become gregarious and outgoing.

You see, because the Americans honor, they respect gregariousness. Really, they do. They respect, you know, the will to power. You know, the individual. Right? Horatio Alger, you know, go out and make it happen. And a lot of the cultures that respect a type of, almost a passivity in nature, it's just not honored here.

Which I think is unfortunate for the Americans. Because I think there's a lot of really, you know, and I remember once I was in West Africa and there were these two sisters, close in age, and one talked all the time. And the other never talked. And I said to, in fact, the man that's coming, Sheikh Abdullah, today, I said to him, it's interesting how different they are. You know, she talks all the time, that one never talks.

And he pointed to the one that didn't talk, and he said, yeah, it seems like she's more intelligent. And I said, that's exactly the opposite of what, like, somebody would say in America. It was the talkative one that was intelligent. And he looked at me like he could not grasp that. And he said, why would they think that?

I mean, he said, too much speech is an indication of that there's a weakness in the intellect, that silence is an indication of gravity, of a type of depth.

Classroom Participation and Cultural Expectations

You know, in university classes, part of your grade is class participation. Absolutely. If you don't participate, your grade goes down. Even if the person is brilliant, understand, they could get straight A's on the test, you're not participating. And that's a really good example of where an American cultural norm is going to affect.

The teacher doesn't actually expect you to participate, because they notice that you haven't. Right. They want to make sure that your understanding of what is being taught. Right. Yeah, no, that's a really good point.

The Fifth Principle: Cultural Norms are Binding

Categorically, number five, you said, norms are binding. Well, they're binding in terms of like divorce and things like that. They're not binding. You don't have to follow the orf of your people. They're not binding in that way, but they are binding in things that relate to Sharia. Like, for example... But they're honored by Sharia.

Imam Malik definitely says that the orf is, you know (وَأْمُرْ بِالْعُرْفِ) - The Quran says, command people to the norms. As long as the norms don't go against the society.

Living Arrangements and Family Obligations

Like, what about in countries like in Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, back there, when they have large families living in one house, for example? Yeah. I mean, that's where like, actually, a husband will get married and he'll live with the mother.

How is that? Alright, by Sharia, a woman has a right to have her own living space. That is a Sharia right. If she is willing to live according to the custom, that's her prerogative. She can do that or she can say, no, I demand that I have my own house. That is a haq of a woman, (انفراد في المسكن) - She can say, I don't want to live with your parents.

And I think, in certain cultures, there's even in, like Afghanistan, there's a lot of problems that go with that, right? When you have, it's true or not true, I mean, there are problems that arise out of that. I don't know, I haven't personally seen that. Aren't there problems that arise from that? Huh? Do you think? Be honest.

Yeah. There are problems that come out of that because it's a human nature. You know, oftentimes you get an overweening mother or overbearing mother that, you know, you're not good enough for my son. You know, you're not living up to, you know. Oh, yeah, experiences like that, you know. That happens. And it can be very traumatic for a woman. That can be very traumatic for a woman.

I have a friend whose dad passed away, was killed actually. And he doesn't want to lose his mother because his mother lived in one house and the rest of the children are already married and have their own house. And he also doesn't want to lose the wife or the children. So, you get out of the house, right? You want to get out but he doesn't want to see to his mother.

Right. And instances like that, I mean, you've got to fulfill your mother's rights. Does the mother's rights come before the wife? No, no. Because Sharia rules over, I mean, the culture in that essence, right? Sharia is over culture. Sharia is the thing that you've got to fulfill your mother's rights. I mean, you've got to take care of your mother.

You have to fulfill your mother's rights, but also you have to fulfill your wife's rights, right? I mean, you can't, you can't, the wife has rights, and one of the rights is that she has, yeah, and if that means that you provide two places, then that.

Now, a woman's encouraged to, you know, to give and take there, but she doesn't have to. That would be, she would get a reward for it, you know, in Sharia. If she did it for the sake of Allah, then she gets a reward for it, but she doesn't have to do that.

Now, obviously, if a man's mother needs to be taken care of, he's responsible for the mother. If he's the first son, right, he's responsible for the mother, and if he's not able to do it, then the other males in the family, they're responsible to take care of the mother, which is an honor. It's an honor.

In some circumstances, it becomes necessary that, for example, there's no father, and the mother is just single. You can't leave the mother in a separate home after marriage. So, is it like, do you think it's more... Well, you could, but, you know, if they're living in a Muslim place, you could, but it would be, you know, it would not be customary in most Muslim countries to do that.

What's that? It's not customary, I mean, that's why Shariah is concerned. I mean, like you are leaving your mother. Yeah, you should take care of your mother, right, but if your mother wanted to live on her own, you know, if you were there where you could help her take care of her needs and things like that, there's, you know, as long as it's in a safe environment, things like that, but if the proper thing, given the Urfa of the Muslims, and the responsibilities related to the mother, is taking care of the mother in her old age. That is, that's a given in Islam.

The Example of Care for Parents

The Prophet ﷺ said, one man was changing his mother's linen, you know, because she was decrepit, and he asked the Prophet ﷺ if that was birr, was that piety, filial piety to the mother, and the Prophet ﷺ said, no, that's just recompension. You know, you're just doing to her what she did to you when you were a baby, now she's in her old age.

Yes. Absolutely. Your parents are your parents, whether they're Muslim or not. Absolutely.

I think, personally, that it's more better if you take care of the mother, and keep her with you, instead of putting her in a separate environment. Yeah, definitely, that would be what, unless that she didn't want to, you know, there are reasons why she wouldn't want to.

Your wife doesn't want to, in that instance, and your mother doesn't. Let me wait until Sheikh Abdullah comes in, he can answer that question for you.

The Phenomenon of Meddling Parents

There's also a difference between if your parents care for you, you want the person to live in your home, and your parents are still a sound help. And then there's some meddling parents, right? I mean, that is a phenomenon. You get meddling parents, that's a phenomenon. You get the mother that she comes in and takes over.

It happens, I mean, we have to be realistic, that does happen and it becomes very disruptive for marital situations, right? I mean, it does happen. And it does, you know, some marriages actually break down because of that. And I've seen it with my own eyes, within Muslim families, it's just disastrous.

That's why they call it the in-law apartment, when you have some separation but you also have other parents. The in-law apartment. No, absolutely, it's called an in-law. Even to this day, to build a small, in most zonings, if you have a house, you can build, even though it's an R1, like it's residential one, you can very easily get zoning

Traditional Housing and Sacred Space

And I'll give you another, the truth is that many of the Muslim houses were designed for sacred space. There really was, they were designed, if you go to traditional houses, you will see that they were designed to accommodate more than one family with the necessary observances of the courtesies of Sharia, whereas now you get people living in apartments, where there's no space at all, and it becomes very incestuous, and it's very difficult to function.

Now, for some people, these are just necessities. You have a lot of people in these cultures where it's just necessity. And I think also, again, this is because, for instance, in some cultures, the families being in that tight space is, you know, it's not a problem, whereas with other cultures, it is.

And certainly, I mean, the family unity and the family binding is much stronger in Muslim culture than it is in non-Muslim culture. And even within this culture, within minorities, you know, minorities being other than the dominant, which is soon to be, you know, minority itself, but the dominant white or Anglo culture, you'll still find family ties are stronger.

Elderly Care in Different Cultures

Family ties, I mean, for most Muslims, the vast majority of Muslims, the idea of putting your parents into an all-folks home is just anathema. I mean, just not, Muslims just shake their head. They can't understand that, right? They really can't.

Whereas in this culture, there's no stigma attached to it anymore. I mean, personally, my family, and I don't know if it's, you know, the remnants of the Greek background or what, but I don't think any of my immediate, like my brothers and sisters, could imagine that, personally. I really don't.

But there's certainly a lot of families that do. And one of the things I noticed when I was working in the hospital is that the Chinese people would be sick. And, you know, when you're working, like as an RN, the Asian patients were always kind of a blessing because the family would take care of them. You know, literally, they would feed them, they'd oftentimes bring their own food in, they'd wash them. They didn't want you washing their mother, you know. That's my mother. I don't want a stranger washing my mother. They would do all that stuff.

And same with the African-American. You would see that more. There would be more visitors, there would be more. Mexican, definitely. A lot of the Anglo or the white, they'd be in the hospital for days and not get a visitor. Very common, seriously. And, you know, I just saw this all the time.

Avoiding Stereotypes

What was that? I was just going to say at the same time, we would want to be careful about stereotyping, too. Because if you're a white American and you would not want to do that to your parents, especially if you become Muslim, you know, and you don't want to do that to your parents, we would want to be careful about that, too. To just not assume that because you're American you would want to do that.

No, I totally agree with that, but it's common in this culture. It's not uncommon. That's the point. It's not a shock. If you hear from somebody in this culture, oh, I was visiting my mother at the rest home or something like that, that's not a shock. Whereas a Muslim, to say that within a group of Muslims, it would just be like, what? I'm not making this up.

So I agree with that. I would say that my family personally, I think that would be shocking if one of us suggested that about our parents. I think some of that. And doesn't that have to do with such a strong binding within the family? Part of that has to do with growing up together in that same house. That attachment comes from growing up together.

I think the extended family is stronger still, but that used to be the way it used to be. It's already starting to happen. Second, third generation. Seriously, don't think we're immune to it. As Muslims.

What's that? It's called ABCD. It means American born confused desi.

Historical Context of American Family Structures

I think that the generation of Americans that grew up in this country in the 30s and 40s, it was very different. It's a post-war phenomenon. It really becomes exacerbated in the 60s. The baby boomers coming of age. There's a lot of breakdown going on in this culture.

Old folks homes, they're recent phenomena. It's not something traditionally that people. People say I don't want my kids to take care of me. There are a lot of parents that don't. They would see it as actually something undignified for them. That's true. That's another thing. I'm glad you brought that up. It's a very good point.

There are a lot of people in this country that do have a sense of pride. Again, we go back to that idea of independence, individuality, I can take care of myself. There's a very strong sense of that. The idea that I'm going to become dependent on my children, that's quite horrifying for many people. I'm glad you brought that up.

Living in Non-Muslim Countries

I have a question. I know that people tell me that they don't participate in religion and other things. But do you think maybe it's because that Muslims are not supposed to live in a non-Islamic state unless they're seeking education or some other kind? Either that they're not coming out of Islam? Is that true?

Yeah, see, I think a lot of people that bring these arguments, again, are, you know, it's the Clark-Kent syndrome. It's like, you know, they're getting all the perks and they're not dealing with any of the...

I really do. And they say, oh, it's permissible to come here for education. And they haven't learned their fard ayn. It's haram to learn a kifaya knowledge when you haven't learned ayn. And the vast majority of Muslims I know in this country have never learned their fard ayn.

So I don't know. I mean, I just think, you know, there's a thing in psychology called cognitive dissonance, which is, you know, when you're inward and your outward behavior, it goes against your inward beliefs. And what will generally happen is your inward beliefs are those that will shift in order to maintain a psychic integrity.

So what happens is people start justifying, you know, what they're doing. And we are delusional creatures. We are deluded very easily by our nature. And you just have to be very careful not to get into that kind of delusional state.

Self-Righteousness Among Muslims

And Muslims are as susceptible to self-righteousness as any other religious community, right? I mean, there's a lot of very self-righteous Muslims out there who, you know, they're just filled with themselves. And they think there's some innate moral superiority by the simple fact that they're Muslim, which is not true.

Allah tells the different religions, vie with one another in righteous actions. In other words, prove. Prove that you're better by your actions, not just by your words.

What time is it?

Muslim Activism in Different Countries

The Muslims have to be taught in the UK and South Africa. What's that? The Muslims have to be taught in the UK. I mean, they are active participants in everything. So they've got their rights now. We're quite proud of it. In South Africa?

They're very strong in South Africa. I mean, the community, the police, and everything. And even in the UK nowadays, in England.

Well, Islam is a recent phenomenon in America, really. I mean, there is a strain of Islam, particularly within the African-American community. You know, Islam has been around. Sunni Islam was being spread, there was a Sudanese man who was spreading Sunni Islam in the 1930s, Philadelphia.

So Islam has been here, but it's never been a recognizable constituency within the American experience. And so we're really just, we are the pioneers here. You know, we're trying to find out what our place is within the dominant culture. And so there's a lot of things to be worked out.

The State of Islamic Education in America

And we're also, unfortunately, in a bad condition, generally. The Muslim, our level of education, not necessarily Western secular education, but Islamic education, is very low, extremely low. It's low all over the world. And it's particularly low here, because we don't have very many scholars. We don't have very many people that are really trained in Sharia.

And so, you know, we've got a lot of learning to go through. And a lot of challenges.

If you take that, I mean, as a big consideration, what is going to happen is you're going to have people that do not know anything, who take the top positions. And then it will be worse. I mean, there are people who do not know much about Sharia, who do not know Islamic law, and maybe understand a little law or whatever. And then they would become big.

Yeah, I know. I mean, this is what is happening. I've seen this. This is a big trouble, yeah. So, I mean, therefore, those that know whoever, I mean, a small amount or whatever.

Yeah, and then there's a lot of Muslims in the States that think that we can just put everything on a computer and we can do away with. You know, you could just literally work it out on your computer.

Islamic Finance and Economics

I think there is a difference in trying to, I don't know if I'm going to use the word revive Islam in America. But there's a difference as far as the foundation or the origin of Islam, for example, in the US versus South Africa. In South Africa, when Muslims went there, they went for the specific purpose of Da'wah. And yet, when people come to the US, they don't come for that reason. So if we change that value, if we change the religion, then they will be.

Do you think they did, initially? Yeah. There were a lot of shuyukh, actually. The first Muslims who came were shuyukh, where they established the madrasas and so forth. Although they came. I mean, weren't they immigrating there for work reasons and things?

No, they came in the disguise of being slaves. But most of the slaves were shuyukh, actually. You know, coming to spread Islam. Sounds fishy. I don't know.

The Issue of Taxes

I was talking to Abdullah about taxes and the responsibility of paying or not paying taxes. He says, a Muslim is not responsible to pay taxes if you don't have to. And I said, is this because it's a non-Muslim country? He says, no, even in a Muslim country, taxes of the state, if you can avoid paying it, you don't pay it.

What's called income tax in classical Islam is definitely prohibited. There's no income tax in Islam. Again, by sharia, you cannot jeopardize yourself. So there's an example where a darurah would override. Do you see what I mean?

In other words, if by not paying taxes, you're going to jeopardize your freedom, you'll be incarcerated. Your family will not have a provider. Then that's a worse evil than the evil of taxes. Do you see what I mean?

So I think you have to be really careful with that. The best thing to do is just live very frugally, make less than $10,000 a year, and you don't have to pay taxes.

Zakat and Social Welfare

Do you think that zakat will take care of this? No, I don't think so. I mean, zakat, certainly if agricultural zakat is implemented, you will not have want in food, most definitely. If agricultural zakat was implemented in the Muslim world, you would not have any want anywhere on the planet.

So agricultural zakat definitely eliminates poverty. 10 or 5 percent, depending on what type of irrigation you use. And then also animal, livestock. There's zakat on livestock. In terms of the wealth, actually, 1/40th is a lot. If you took 1/40th of the Muslim capital wealth in the world, you're dealing with massive amounts of capital. Massive. You just took 1/40th of capital wealth of Arabia. Alone. Seriously, you're dealing with massive wealth.

And then also, I think there's a strong argument, rikaz in the Hanafi madhab, buried treasure, you know, minerals and things like that, is 20 percent wealth. And some say, no, it completely goes to the bayt al-mal. So mineral wealth would be for the good of the society.

But historically, there have been very few instances when the Muslims lived without taxes. Very few. The marabitun period was one of them. Taxes over and above the sharia taxes. Right.

Understanding the Modern Financial System

Well, I mean, at the most basic level is that, you know, the US government presents a budget. And in the budget, they're allowed to print money. They're allowed to spend money based on interest-bearing bonds, you know, treasury bonds. They're called treasury bonds. Solomon Brothers is a major trader in treasury bonds. Sell them to the Americans. They sell them to the Japanese. And to the Arabians.

Before income tax, which is 1913, right, the income tax laws enacted. Before income tax, you know, this country supported itself through bonds. Right. So patriotic Americans would buy. When there was a need, like if there was a war, they would have war bonds. And you would buy war bonds that would support the government's activities, right.

So graduated income tax, which is, you know, it's a communist idea originally. That's one of the points of the Communist Manifesto, was to introduce graduated income tax into society.

Zakat Distribution

You don't have to do that. You can pay your zakat. As long as they're following the eight categories of people that are worthy of zakat, you can pay your zakat to your own relatives. In fact, your relatives have more right to