Marriage to Non Muslim - Contemporary Issues

Marriage to Non-Muslims - Contemporary Issues

Speaker: Dr. Bilal Philips

Opening

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Most Merciful. I'd like to welcome you, dear viewers, to our new program, Contemporary Issues. May Allah's peace and blessings be on each and every one of you.

Introduction

For those of you that have been following our program since its beginning, you know that we are looking at issues concerning marriage in Islam. The controversial issues.

Polygamy. Arranged marriages. The guardian. Child marriages.

Today we're looking at marriage to non-Muslims. Islamic laws governing it.

Islamic Ruling on Muslim Men Marrying Non-Muslims

Well, as you may or may not know, a Muslim male is allowed to marry two categories of non-Muslim females. Either a Christian or a Jew. These are the only two categories that Muslim males are allowed to marry.

These such marriages would be considered legal marriages. I know some of you might question. There was an article in the paper, a day or so ago, in which the grandson of Muhammad Ali Jinnah, the founder of Pakistan, was talking about his father and the liberal ideas of his father and about how his father married a Parsi, a Zoroastrian.

He also mentioned that he ate pork and he drank alcohol. He loved his eggs and bacon from living in England. It became a habit for him and he stuck with it.

I mean, of course, these raise big questions about this man's Islam. But that marriage, from an Islamic perspective, for a Muslim man to marry a Zoroastrian woman, this is considered to be illegitimate. It's not marriage in Islam.

For a man to marry a non-Muslim, a Muslim man, he is only permitted to marry a Christian or a Jew. Now, even in the marrying of a Christian or a Jew, some people raise the issue saying, well, it's not the Christians and Jews of our time, it's only of those, you know, in the time of the Prophet, may God's peace and blessings be upon him. Of course, it's not correct.

Because the Christians and their beliefs by the 7th, 8th centuries is the same as the beliefs now. Beliefs in the Trinity and all these other kind of things. So it's not the issue of the time frame.

As long as somebody is a Christian, they claim to be a Christian, they have Christian beliefs, that's their claim, or a Jew, then it's permitted for us to marry them, males.

Why is This Marriage Permitted Despite Shirk?

Why? Why, when Christians believe that Jesus was God, the Son of God, some Christians will say. We don't believe he's God.

Yes, you believe he's God. Christians believe that Jesus was God. God incarnate. God became a man. He was born. He had a son who was himself.

This is what they believe. God had a son who was himself. Because the belief is that God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, three Gods in one.

God the Father is God the Son. God the Son is God the Father. So therefore, God had a son who was himself.

This is something ludicrous. That's their belief. And so Jesus is worshipped as God.

How can a Muslim marry somebody with these kind of beliefs? Isn't this shirk? Isn't this the greatest possible sin? Yes, it is shirk. However, an exception has been made for Christians and Jews. An exception has been made.

Why? The exception was made because of the fact that there still remains in the books in which they believe elements of revelation. The revelation which God revealed to the prophets, to Prophet Jesus and to those before. Portions of that revelation remain in their books, their holy books.

And in honor of that portion which is there, Islam allows Muslims to marry non-Muslim Christians and Jews. This is a special permission given. Nobody outside of that.

For a Muslim man to marry a Hindu, that marriage is considered invalid. It's not marriage. Or a Buddhist, or a Zoroastrian, or a Mormon, or any of the non-Christian sects which may claim Christianity, but is rejected by mainstream Christianity because they don't actually hold Christian beliefs.

Such a marriage would not be considered marriage according to Islamic law.

Conditions for Marriage: Al-Muhsanaat (Chaste Women)

Now, on the other hand, that is permitted for males, but not permitted for females. Muslim females must marry Muslim males alone.

Some may raise a question, why? Well, first and foremost, we should consider that when the Muslim male is allowed, according to Islamic law, to marry a Christian or Jewish female, it's not just any Christian or Jewish female. Unfortunately, many Arab, Indian, Pakistani men, so and so, will go to Europe and America. And due to the influence of the Western media on their minds, where the image of beauty now for them, from these beauty contests and everything, is blonde hair, blue-eyed, you know, goddesses.

This is the image of beauty. So these young men, they go to America, go to England. This is what they're looking for.

And where do they go look for them? In the nightclubs, in the bars, etc. Now they find some dancer or whatever. They fall in love.

This is paradise. One of the women of paradise here is ready to get married. And, well, she's Christian, I can marry her.

Well, guess what? According to Islamic law, Allah describes those women as al-muhsanaat (الْمُحْصَنَاتُ), those people who were muhsana. Those people, women, who did not have sexual relations outside of marriage. Chaste women.

C-H-A-S-T-E, not chaste, meaning that people ran after them, chaste. C-H-A-S-T-E, which means a woman who is virtuous. She has not had sexual relations outside of marriage.

If she previously had relations, it was in marriage. She was either married and divorced, or married and widowed, or she was not married at all, she was a virgin. Such a woman, a man, Muslim man, may marry, if she's Christian or Jewish.

And guess what? Such women are few and far between in the West today. Virginity among young girls is considered to be something as a sign that you're ugly. Nobody wants you.

Virginity is a liability. It is not considered to be an honor in modern society. The whole idea of having sexual relations is something promoted.

Children are being taught how to have sex in quote-unquote sex education classes. Teachers are bringing in dolls which are anatomically correct and demonstrating for the children, 12-year-old kids, 10-year-old kids, demonstrating for them sex, movies, and all this kind of stuff. I mean, this is what is happening.

Out of that, they're even, I know they were debating in New York City a year ago, about distributing condoms to children in primary school. It's insane. The end result is that virginity is like finding virginity, finding a woman who's a virgin, is like finding a needle in a haystack.

It's a rarity. In our society today, Western society today, which has opened upon itself and promoted sexual relations, free relations amongst everybody, it is a rarity. So for you to go to a bar, you as a Muslim man, to go to a bar or a nightclub or whatever, and find a woman there and think that this is a woman appropriate for marriage, you're sadly mistaken.

You would not be marrying in accordance with Islamic law. You shouldn't be there in the first place anyway. This is a place of corruption, drinking of alcohol, all these other kinds of things.

You shouldn't be there. This is not where you find a wife.

Why Muslim Women Cannot Marry Non-Muslim Men

Now, leaving that aside, if we go over to the other picture, the picture concerning why Muslim women are not allowed to marry non-Muslim men.

Is there an inequality? Is there a double standard here? Why men are allowed, women are not allowed. Well, primarily this has been instituted by God to protect the religion of the women and the children. To protect them, protect their religion.

Why? Because a Muslim man, if he marries a Christian woman or a Jewish woman, and he says to her, for example, you know, I don't want you to bring any alcohol in the house. Okay? She doesn't. Bringing alcohol in the house, drinking alcohol, serving alcohol, this is not a requirement of being a Christian or a Jew.

So they can give it up. If he says, I don't want any pork in the house. Of course, Jewish women, they're not going to have pork anyway.

But a Christian woman who's eating pork, if he said no pork, she may like it and not want to give it up because she likes it, but she can give it up. The religion doesn't say she cannot. There's no threat to her religion.

Similarly, if he says to her, for example, I don't like you going out, you know, exposing yourself, wearing a mini skirt, tight clothes, you know, showing off your body. I don't like it. You know, I feel, you know, you're my wife.

You know, I don't want people staring at you. So please, wear something loose. Not necessarily having to wear the complete dress of the Muslim woman when she's outside of her home, but at least wear something loose, cover yourself up, you know, don't expose your body.

Well, again, you know, neither Christianity nor Judaism states that a woman, when leaving her home, must expose her body. It's not a requirement. So for her to comply, it's quite legitimate, quite reasonable.

Even in Christianity, when you look at the religious art, the images, the icons of Mary and the women around Jesus, etc., they're all wearing loose clothes. Loose clothing at a time when the Romans and the Greeks, you know, wore clothing which exposed their bodies. So, we can see from that that the man, Muslim man, in asking his wife to comply with Islamic law, she will not be doing anything which is against her religion.

He cannot tell her, don't pray to Jesus, no. If she marries her, she's a Christian, she has a right to her prayer. Don't go to the church, he cannot stop her from going to the church.

He has to allow her to continue her religion. Furthermore, if he goes to visit his friends, if he tells her, for example, hey, when we go visit our friends, I know it is your custom that when couples meet, the males kiss the women and the females kiss the men, on their cheeks, maybe on their lips, you know. Friendly, it's part of friendship and this is part of Western custom in a number of places in the West.

So if the husband says, hey, listen, I don't want you to go kissing anybody else, you understand, you're my wife, the only person you kiss is me, or our kids, or your father, your mother, so and so, okay. But men, other men, no, it's not a good idea. I don't want you shaking their hands.

I'm not going to shake any women's hands and I don't want you shaking any men's hands.

Why? Because these things, these contacts, though we may say, oh, it's passing contact, we're just shaking hands. You don't know what can be conveyed in a handshake.

People who have lived that life, been out there, much can be conveyed of desire, etc., etc., in a simple handshake. Not to, you know, to consider kissing. A man going and kissing somebody else's wife, you know, putting his hands on her body in one way or another, oh, hey.

I mean, though it has become custom, it's a very dangerous custom. It is promoting feelings which can lead to the breakdown of families. So, the Muslim man says, wife, I don't want you doing these things.

It's not against our religion. Christianity, Judaism does not say you must do these things. So her religion is intact.

If he asks her to comply with basic social dietary laws of Islam, and she will likely comply because she's the wife, etc., she wants to come, you know, to go along with it. She loves her husband.

The Threat to a Muslim Woman's Religion

Now, switch it around the other way.

The Muslim woman married to the Christian man. Christian man says, I like my alcohol. I know you don't drink it, but I want you to get some.

Go to the store, buy some alcohol, bring it home, serve it to me, pour it, give it to me. She's in a dilemma.

Because it is forbidden in Islam for her to purchase alcohol, to pour it, to serve it, even though she doesn't drink it.

All of that is forbidden. Sinful. But she wants to please her husband.

Her religion is threatened. If he says, pork, go buy me some pork. Cook it, serve it, give me. You don't have to eat it. I know you don't believe in it. You know, your religion says you can't eat it.

But give me. I want it. Again, she's in a dilemma.

It's forbidden for her. Cook it up, serve it, buy it. Forbidden.

He says to her, well listen, when we go outside, you know, I like to feel proud. I like my woman, you know. When she walks with me, everybody's looking at her and saying, woo, what a looker. She's really beautiful. Where'd you get such a beautiful wife? So and so. I want people to have this, you know, view of my wife.

I want to feel proud of you. So, when you go outside, take off that scarf. Why don't you wear a scarf? Let your hair out.

Wear a tight top. Tight clothes, short. Expose your legs.

High heels. Of course, all of this is forbidden in Islam. Sinful for her.

She wants to please her husband. Her religion is threatened. He says, when we go to meet our friends, our neighbors, you know, don't feel shy.

Kiss the guy. Let him kiss you. Don't fight against it.

If we're sitting with him and he turns on the music, he wants to dance, he asks you to get up and dance with him, dance with him. Well, all of this is forbidden in Islam. So, for the sake of that woman, her religion, Islam says, no, you, as a woman, should only marry a Muslim man.

Because your nature is to compromise. Your nature is to facilitate. You don't like conflict.

You want to make compromises to make things workable. You know, you want to keep harmony. That's your nature.

And if you do that in the context of being married to a Christian or Jewish man, you're liable to compromise your religion. And this is forbidden. So, for the sake of her religion, and the religion of her children, because then the Christian man will say, I want my kids raised as Christians.

I want them going to Christian schools, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Quite possibly. He may, may not.

But the point is that if he does, she is threatened. Her religion is threatened. The religion of her children is threatened.

Contemporary Ruling in Non-Muslim Countries

I should point out here that because of the fact that in non-Muslim societies today in the West, in America, in England, France, Germany, et cetera, if a Muslim man marries a non-Muslim woman and they get divorced, the courts will give those children to the mother. And in such a case, the mother is going to raise those children as non-Muslims, not Christians or Jews. That is the greatest likelihood.

On the basis of that, many Muslim scholars today hold that it is forbidden. It's not permissible for a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman in those environments, in those circumstances. In a Muslim country, it's different, because in a Muslim country, the children will be given to you as the father, Muslim.

The child, the children will be considered to be Muslim, and it's your right to raise them. But in the non-Muslim countries, the children will be given to the wife. That's the common practice.

Normally in a Muslim country, amongst Muslims, the children will be given to the mother. If they're before, below the age of seven, et cetera, after that they're given a choice whether they want to go with the father or the mother. But before that, they'll be given to the mother.

But if the mother is a non-Muslim, then they will give those children to the father to protect their religion. So while it's permissible in the Muslim environment, where the society will support and protect the interests of the children, in a non-Muslim environment, a number of scholars have ruled that it is really not permissible. Though on a general level, yes, the permission is there, under those circumstances where the harm, the great harm that can come out of it is quite evident, then it should be avoided there.

And this has led, this kind of breakup of marriages have led, you know, for husbands kidnapping their children in America and England and other countries and fleeing back to their home countries to protect their children's religion. This is not a good situation, and we should consider when marrying non-Muslims, these considerations have to all be taken into account.

Conclusion

With that, dear viewers, I hope that this point of marriage to non-Muslims has become clear that Muslims, Muslim males may marry non-Muslim females, Christians or Jews, if they are virtuous, in a Muslim environment.

Muslim women may not marry other than Muslim men for the sake of protecting their religion and the religion of their children.

With that, dear viewers, I'd like to thank you for being with us in this segment of our program, Contemporary Issues. And I hope that you'll be with us in our coming program, in which we'll be discussing a recent phenomenon in Western law, rape in marriage, where a man may be accused of rape, be put in jail for having sexual relations with his wife without her consent.

With that, dear viewers, I'd like to thank you again and bid you farewell.