Your Mother, Your Mother, Your Mother...

Your Mother, Your Mother, Your Mother - Sh. Abu Eesa Niamatullah

The Mother's Priority Over the Father

If you look at this hadith and there's a narration that will come up later that will repeat this and there's actually many other narrations similar to this hadith, we find that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam has emphasized the right of the mother more so than the father and more so than anyone else because we know that the family comes first in our relations with society and here the mother has been emphasized and then the father and then the family people and then we know then the rest of the people will follow after that as we will come to later on in the book and it's actually Ijma' amongst the scholars of Islam that the mother takes priority of being of one being respected and her rights being fulfilled i.e. to be good to her and to be kind to her takes priority upon the father there's an Ijma' upon that despite the fact that the scholars in the books of fiqh also say that the father has more right to be obeyed, his right individually is greater, his decision is greater, his command to you is greater, you have a greater obligation to obey him other than your mother yet the mother has a greater right to be shown Ihsan and Birr i.e. to be dutiful to her, to help her, to have kindness to her and actually this is very clear from not just the hadith especially here three times the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) mentioning again and again and in other narrations more than three times that the mother was more deserving of the Birr of the of the son or the child but this is clear in the Quran when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in Surah Al-Luqman:

The Quranic Evidence for Mother's Special Status

"we have enjoined upon man to be good to his parents he mentions parents (بِوَالِدَيْهِ إِحْسَانًا) and then what does he say after mentioning the parents he said (حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ) his mother bore him in weakness and hardship so after the parents it is the mother who has been singled out as the one who has been who has taken the hardship and gone through all the stress and the hassle that we know that gives her this this maqam and actually we shouldn't be surprised by that because the link between the mother and the child you know everyone knows about that no one needs to be taught about the the link of rahmah and love that is specifically unique between the child and the mother a link of mercy a link of rahmah and that itself is beautiful because Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala we know has told us to ask him to ask him azza wa jal to have mercy upon the parents and that's why the mother's womb that place which we gain our which we get our shelter and protection at the time when we're most desperate and in need for it is called the rahm it is called the rahm it's from the same root verb as rahmah so we can see the link that the rahm itself is where the child develops during pregnancy and then when it comes out it is the

continual link of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the the continual link of the mother to the child through rahmah and an intense form of rahmah and that's why Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says it's beautiful the specific words that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala chooses in this ayah of the of the rahmah that you have taken from her that you have been cultured in her great role of giving you tarbiyah yeah that's that that has almost natural to her it's almost like the mother is a walking form of rahmah based and centralized around the womb itself your home what produced you what looked after you what protected you what what fed you so when we understand this link and then we understand then how important it is for us to appreciate birr in its correct way and how to give the parents the right that they deserve.

The Three-to-One Ratio Explained

And we can also see that this order in the hadith by the way where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam mentions the mother's right three times and then compares it to the to the father on the fourth occasion it's a three-to-one ratio and we see that in the Quran Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says and we have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents his mother bears him with hardship and she brings him forth with hardship and the bearing of him and the weaning is in 30 months and so we can see that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in this hadith by showing that the mother and her right is given a three to one ratio to the father is almost as if he is specifying these three stages which the mother specifically is particular to her only this quality this ability to do that naturally as the mother she will get a reward and she gets a right equal to that the father cannot do anything in these three stages he has no role in that and so the mother cleans up in these areas.

The First Stage: Pregnancy

And if you look at these these actions the first action of pregnancy and you know I mean if you are not married and you've not been able to observe this is very difficult but if you see the sickness and the tiredness and the difficulty that's a woman goes through when she's pregnant with her child and not just the difficulty but the the things that she has to give up so many things that she enjoys that she has to give up and her free time has to be now sacrificed and she can't go to places that she'd like to and she has to go through much difficulty.

The Second Stage: Giving Birth

And then the actual the giving of birth I mean subhanAllah I mean let me tell you something no woman can ever understand and appreciate the pain of birth unless she gives birth herself and then she understands automatically and no man okay can describe that unless he sees it okay if you haven't seen your wife give birth then you know you just don't know it and let me tell you something it's something which is absolutely incredible and something totally ajib I still have I still have a jacket okay when my wife gave birth to Isa my eldest son she grabbed my jacket so hard and she her fingernails dug into the material and she ripped my my jacket and swan is still there I mean it's a total good jacket wasted and

you know honestly it's a and I was and I remember because you know she was she's on the gas and she's screaming her head off and you know she's got me like she's got why I don't know but she had me with the hands and she was like this and I was being pulled in like this and what am I doing here and she's it's you know and she was not with me at all she was on another planet altogether you cannot imagine that moment and that pain you can't and I Allah recognizes it and the Prophet SAW recognizes it.

The Third Stage: Weaning and Nurturing

And then you move on to the next stage the stage of the weaning and the the culturing and the bringing up of the child the breastfeeding and the difficulties in that again the restriction of lifestyle that the you know that the difficulties that one has to go you know I don't know if you can you can understand people will tell you of you've seen it the tiredness of the mother the sleepless nights how early she wakes up and so on and what of suppose what makes it even worse is that often the husband is going to be sleeping right next to her and in a different world altogether doesn't know what is going on absolutely innocent it just doesn't care where hasn't got a thought in the world for what's happening next right next door and the the mother is going through so much stress and hassle and pain and so here these are three things which are specific to the mother and that's why the Prophet SAW has mentioned her three times.

The Father's Role After Weaning

And then we start to reach parity now or do we? because then the father now starts to take his position of Tarbiyah but it's not like as if suddenly he takes over how many fathers do you know that once that you didn't see that as Allah says 30 months Allah mentions in the Quran 30 months is equal to two years of weaning and a minimum pregnancy of six months okay that's very important because obviously nine months is the normal pregnancy time but the Quran and that's a miracle itself by the way in the Quran that it shows that it's possible the Quranic worldview understands that a six-month pregnancy is a viable pregnancy and a viable child is produced and this this ayah has very important ramifications in the rulings of Zina okay and the rulings of giving Qada of judging against cases where people come you know to give you a very brief example if a couple get married and six months after the day of marriage there's a child so automatically you're thinking stuff Allah what's happened here right six months I mean it should be nine months right and Ali radiallahu anhu if I remember correctly was gave Qada and he ruled in favor and obviously this happened and the father said you know you've done Zina all right and then you married me you know how can I have had a child within six months at least nine months or ten months or something else straightaway but the Ali radiallahu anhu gave Qada at that time don't don't think about our scientific advancements now where we can work out dates and blah blah no that was at that time Ali radiallahu anhu said Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says that her weaning is 60 is 30 months 30 months which means we know that from the other (وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ) in the other ayah that we mentioned last session that the weaning is in two years but this one which is 24 months but here it's 30 months which means that six months must be the pregnancy itself and so therefore if Allah says that a pregnancy of a child can

be six months there and then and then two years afterwards 24 months afterwards therefore it means that the sixth month child is viable and this child actually is yours and so he ruled against the husband and they were they were happy with that so then you know this shows that some of the ayat can be used in such a very deep sense by the scholars of fiqh when they're making qadha and and and and judgment.

The Mother's Continued Role in Tarbiyah

But as I said these three things these three qualities and characteristics they are specific to the mother but then the father the father doesn't suddenly come and take over and do everything the mother herself then plays an equal role in spending upon the child and feeding the child and closing the child you know throughout the rest of the years in fact more so than not the mother does much more than the father the mother does much more than the father even at this stage and as we said before the role of tarbiyah the key role of parents okay to make this child cultured and bring them up in a way to get the golden objective achieved which is that the rabubiyah of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is understood and achieved and affirmed by the child the mother is the one who is responsible for that the mother is not they say just that she behind every great man is a great woman we're behind every great nation is a woman because the woman is is absolutely key the mother is key in developing these characteristics and these emotions and the behavior of a child that has that he or herself will not only recognize Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in the in the greatest of purity but then be able to interact with the rest of society to make it a real community a real nation that's the maqam of the mother.

Why the Mother's Rights Are Emphasized

The ulama also mentioned and again Ibn Hajar radiallahu anhu he precedes everyone in that in mentioning some of the the other reasons why the mother is more emphasized almost or why the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam exaggerated more in the haq in the right of the mother over the the father one of these reasons is that you know you know the mother right your relationship with her your closest to her is always behind you know behind behind closed doors it's in the house it's out of the way of the people people do not see your day-to-day interaction with your mother but with your father is very very different your father by by nature and by his by his going to the masjid and going to work and so on is very much outside the house but the mother is always inside the house and this itself yeah need as you as you well know means that you can get away with a lot more against your mother than you can you can with your father and so often because of that her rights okay the man the children almost get a greater audacity almost to to you know try and pull off acts against their their mother of disobedience and being rude and so on so on that they would not be able to do against their father not just because the father is stronger but just basically because he's in front of the people you know you know that is a very silly thing to try and do something with your father and then go and meet with your friend who do your best he publicly he will really embarrass you in front of someone I mean you forget about the whole idea of being a sin but he can come and he meets an uncle and you're there and then your uncle will say

you know he's he's a good lad your son and then yeah oh yeah really he does this and he says that he does this says that and then you tell him and then you tell the shopkeeper and then you're telling and you think oh my god why did I come out with you in the first place just to be just slated and slated and slated and that's the nature isn't it it's the nature of the of our tabi'a to do that.

The Mother's Vulnerability and Our Weakness

And also we know that the the mother herself by her nature she's a lot more softer a lot more weaker as well and that makes her more vulnerable and unfortunately it makes her almost more vulnerable to contempt on our on our behalf on our side and when someone has that contempt they find it easier to establish authority and to be more forceful with someone like that and that's a another problem and again so therefore the Prophet s.a.w. who is almost trying to recognize that that that's a inequality in a relationship and then trying to defend that principle trying to defend the principle that the mother is already disadvantaged compared to the father and so we need to now make it up to make it emphasize her right even more not only do we see this weakness not only do we see this weakness and recognize it but also its effect upon us makes us worse how we know that the mothers we all do because our biggest problem if you ever wanted to see a major source of the lack of blessings and problems you know amongst our community amongst the Muslims it is because we mistreat our mothers okay and we do it so easily and and you know they don't help us they really don't help us in this in this in this action because their nature is because of their weak nature because they're so soft they get angry very very quickly because their love for the children is more than you know the normal love that can be seen it's very intense and they get very very upset very upset at little things that you do they're very very close to you and sometimes you know we cannot appreciate that and what happens often is that they cry a lot and we know that mothers cry a lot that's by in her nature and we know that they get very angry and we know on how many times have we heard the du'as against us day and night making du'as against us and they never mean to but they go away and saying this and saying that whatever because of her nature and then that caused the child to become angry you know and it's often without any good reason you do something and suddenly she will just go off and you think subhanAllah what have I done what's happening and so then that causes a greater sense of contempt almost and a greater sense of anger in the child and they try to then push that off and then you know it almost becomes a vicious circle gets worse and worse and we're all guilty of that everyone.

The Prophet's Recognition of This Reality

And so here the Prophet s.a.w. has recognized this anomaly recognized the nature of the woman and therefore emphasized if it wasn't already enough in the Quran by by Allah s.w.t. saying after worship him be good to the parents not only making it from the absolute individual obligations not only as we come to see making disobedience to them from the deadly in the major sense okay but then in our own understanding Prophet s.a.w. in a more subtle way is saying she has more right to be treated good she

has more right that you be dutiful to her she has more right for you to have more patience with her and it's important that we understand these weaknesses and these problems because if we do then we now know not to fall into the trap we now know that okay this is how she is but she can't help some of these things we should recognize that and you know the Prophet s.a.w. said we recognize that so why can't we recognize that so then once you understand these kind of characteristics and you appreciate that more then we can hopefully be able to make the haqiq and achieve our goal of giving her more more love and more concern and more kindness and so on.

The True Status of the Mother

And her maqam of course that you know you might say you know really is her maqam her status really deserving of such a such a such a high pressure upon us to maintain and of course there's no doubt about that one little bit right we have a very famous narration from Ibn Umar the narrator of the the previous narration when he was sitting in the haram and a man came making tawaf okay with his mother on his back okay and he came to Ibn Umar and he said you know have I fulfilled my right to my mother and Ibn Umar said (لَا وَلَا زَفْرَة)laa wala zafra you have not even done a zafra and you know what a zafra is a zafra is in this narration it's the sound it's like a moan it's the intake of breath okay during labor okay so your making tawaf hasn't even reached the level of one of them sounds that your mother went through while she was giving birth to you I mean you know you think about that this is a you know a beautiful yeah a graphic illustration of the right of the mother upon us so that we can appreciate how much we need to give her birr and how much that we are deficient in giving her birr.

Our Deficiency in Fulfilling Mother's Rights

I mean today subhanallah look at our society look at our people we take a shopping we think that we've saved the world we take her to the corner shop and we think we've done the whole world a favor and you know there's we're talking about Hajj and tawaf right yeah people think right I'm gonna take my parents to Hajj as they've done some huge journey big action and then you know all my mother's old so I'm gonna take her in a wheelchair and you know people they people they say that right and they probably say because they don't realize what they're doing what they're saying I I took my mother around the I did Hajj or umrah with my mother in a wheelchair right and they probably paid someone else to do the weeding as well right and they make it I like to be a big thing and they should read this narration I mean listen try carrying her on your back make the tawaf and then realize that you haven't even repaid back any that's one little sound that your mother actually experienced and she she made when she was going through the pains of giving birth to you.

Paradise at the Mother's Feet

So subhanallah her maqam is something which really is very difficult for us to understand and that's why the Prophet s.a.w. in the authentic narration said that be at her feet for paradise is at her feet (الْجَنَّةُ تَحْتَ)

(أَقْدَامِ الْأُمَّهَاتِ) you'll find paradise there it's there if you want to get to Jannah you'll find it at the feet of your mother you will find it in it in her service you'll find paradise by obeying her and keeping her happy why because only the one who is able to make absolute perfect tahqiq okay absolutely perfectly achieve keeping her mother happy that kind of person will be a person of paradise that kind of person that kind of quality will be a person of paradise and that's all you know that we have time for inshallah in this session and hopefully we'll complete the hadith in the next Jazakum Allah Khair

The complete text has been preserved without any removal. All timestamps have been removed, Arabic text has been corrected and added where needed, including (وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ إِحْسَانًا ۖ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ) and (وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ), (لَا وَلَا زَفْرَة) (الْجَنَّةُ تَحْتَ أَقْدَامِ الْأُمَّهَاتِ). The text has been formatted with proper headings and structure while maintaining the original content and flow of the khutba.