The Absent Father

خطبة الجمعة: الأب الغائب

The Absent Father

الخطيب: الشيخ أبو عيسى نعمة الله

خطبة الحاجة )Opening Khutbah(

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him, seek His help, and seek His forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our souls and from the evil of our deeds. Whomsoever Allah guides, none can misguide him. Whomsoever He leads astray, none can guide him.

And I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and He is alone and has no partner. And I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger. Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him and upon his family and his companions. And we follow his sunnah until the Day of Recompense.

الآيات الكريمة Quranic Verses(

آية التقوى )Verse of Taqwa(

: قال الله تعالى

"O you who believe, fear Allah as He should be feared, and do not die except as Muslims."

"O you who believe, fear your Lord, Who created you from one soul, and created from it a wife, and spread among them many men and women. And fear Allah in Whom you ask for mercy, for Allah is ever watching over you."

"O you who believe, fear Allah, and say a firm word, that He may amend for you your deeds and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has won a great triumph."

آية حفظ الأهل )Verse about Protecting Families(

: قال الله تعالى

"O you who believe, save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones, over which are appointed angels stern and severe, who do not disobey Allah in what He commands them, and do as they are commanded."

(Authentic Hadiths) الأحاديث الشريفة

حدیث الراعي والرعية )Hadith of the Shepherd(

عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال:

(Sahih al-Bukhari Hadith 853)

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "All of you are shepherds and all of you are responsible for your flock."

حديث الهداية بعد الضلال )Hadith about Misguidance(

عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال:

(Sahih Muslim Hadith 867)

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "And every innovation is misguidance, and every misguidance is in the Fire."

حديث بني آدم والخطأ )Hadith about Human Nature(

عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال:

(Sunan at-Tirmidhi Hadith 2499)

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "All of the son of Adam are people who make mistakes, and the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent."

مقدمة الخطبة )Introduction(

The Burden on the Mosque

My dear brothers and sisters, we begin by praising Allah. And we send the peace and blessings of Allah upon His final servant and messenger, Muhammad, the son of Abdullah (peace be upon him).

Allah says in Surah At-Tahrim: (يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا - "O you who believe, save yourselves and your families from a fire, a blazing hellfire."

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said in the authentic hadith: (كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِبّتِهِ - "All of you are shepherds and all of you are responsible for your flock."

And I want to today focus on one of the common things between this ayah and this hadith. And that is the importance of looking after our family. Because as someone who is responsible for this masjid, day and night I get to see when I'm outside and I get to hear when I'm inside about the problems of our families and in particular our youth.

And it has turned that the masjid, which is a place which has only ever in history been a place that people go to worship Allah - that's what it's for. A place of sajdah, masjid in the Arabic means the place where sajdah is done, which is to prostrate to Allah and to make worship there - in our times has taken on a new role and a very important role. But a new role, because it's never ever been known as anything else in history.

It was never a school or a social center or a center to deal with people's problems, no. Because the Muslim empire was strong and honored, it was respected and it was wealthy and it was disciplined. And it followed the sunnah of the messenger of Allah.

The empire was organized and it had people to deal with the problems. And it had social workers and it had networking centers and it had facilities for everyone to be dealt with. And the masjid was only ever used for the people to come and to get isolation for a small period of time and worship Allah.

But today that's not the case, especially in the non-Muslim countries. The masjid has been burdened, and this is the correct word, burdened with all of the problems of society, of the Muslims of society.

The Shift of Responsibility

And this is not a point of complaining, but it's a point for you to think and reflect. About should the masjid be burdened so much, or should the people take the burden? Because in this ayah and in this hadith, does it say that every masjid would be (مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ? And does it say, "Oh masjid, save yourself and your family from the hellfire?" No it does not.

And the only reason that it has been burdened with this is because people are very good at shifting burden from themselves. And people have forgotten, especially the parents, and especially the father. And this is who I want to focus on.

(Main Topic: The Absent Father الموضوع الرئيسي: الأب الغائب

The Reality of Single-Parent Families

Which in the Muslim family structure, it is unheard of, or very rare at least, for there to be single parent families. It is very rare for a woman to be living by herself. Rare. Happens but it's rare.

But it's the reality in our normal couple families. Because the husband is like as if he was absent. And so therefore the families have turned into one parent families. Because the fathers have not stood up and not dealt with the responsibility of (تربيةtarbiyah) for their children. And our children and our youth are going to destruction. They are being destroyed in front of our eyes.

And we will be held responsible for that. And as a pathetic attempt, to try and fix this problem, we try and throw the youth to the masjid, or to the madrasa as we call it, a couple of hours after school everyday, in some magic attempt to try and rectify the spiritual condition of our families and children. And this is not the fault of the child at that age. And it is not the fault of the masjid to try and resolve it.

تعليم vs تربية )Teaching vs. Upbringing(

The masjid is there for (تعليمta'leem). Ta'leem and not tarbiyah. And ta'leem means to teach.

We go to the madrasa. And again as I said before, the masjids never ever taught the children. Never. When you go look back in Islamic history, you will see that the masjids were used only for the prayer. And for the specific circles of advanced knowledge by the scholars.

But the (مدارسmadaris), those places which teach the children the basics of (أَدَبadab), the basics of Arabic, of sunnah, of Quran - these were separate madrasa. And this is what the masjid has now become.

A place where the parents will push the children hoping for tarbiyah. And tarbiyah is a very important concept my dear brothers and sisters, that every single Muslim should go away from this khutbah today and recognize that they have to stand by it.

مفهوم التربية The Concept of Tarbiyah(

Tarbiyah comes from the Arabic word (رَبِّیrabba). And it means to cultivate and to bring up. It means to nurture. It means to take time with something. With love and time.

And that the final result is that model, is that result which has been looked after and nurtured. And that's why the word rabba in Arabic is used for plants and for projects which are taken care of from the beginning until it is finally completed. This is tarbiyah.

You've always heard in Arabic and in Urdu, in every language: (تربیت، تربیت، تربیتtarbiyat tarbiyat, tarbiyat). Understand what it means. It requires time and it requires involvement.

And it requires the presence of (الْمُرَبّيal-murabbi), the one who is going to give that tarbiyah. And this is not done in a masjid. This is not done by the (مُعَلّمmuallim). Because all the muallim, the teacher can do is to give ta'leem. Just pass on knowledge.

But passing on knowledge is like putting data into a child's head. If the child does not understand the system and the adab of the system, and does not know how to behave, then what will that knowledge, what difference will it make to that child?

The Miracle Parents Expect

How is it possible that parents are complaining about the lack of youth activities and the lack of programs for their 14, 15, 16 year old children, when for the first 10 years they have neglected their childhood completely? What miracle are they expecting for a child who has no interest in Islam and its sciences and its system and its adab, that suddenly at 11 and 12 and onward into the teenage years, it is suddenly going to be some incredible transformation?

What is this ummah thinking of? And this is a wake up call for all parents. That their absence from their children, and they are making the dunya first in front of them.

Choosing their work over their family. Choosing the dunya over their family. Choosing money and position and employment over their family. Choosing their own desires. Wanting to do something for their own selves. As opposed to spending time with the family.

This prioritization will lead to the destruction of the youth of our community. Because no matter what the masajid do, no matter how many volunteers give up their time - and that's what they do, they are volunteers to try and provide services from the masjid, whether sports activities or other activities, in a desperate attempt to try and save your children - they can only do so much. Their hands are tied.

الواجب والمنفعة (Obligation and Benefit)

Allah's Command and Our Benefit

Because it requires the parental involvement from the beginning. It requires their love and their attention. And the reason it's not done is because it's not easy. Children don't have the same IQ as you. And they are not as interesting to be around with as you. And they are irritating. That's because they are children. They are annoying. That's because they are children.

But the reward when you do it correctly is something that you will benefit from. And this is a very important point.

Allah commands it and makes an obligation:

- It's an obligation. You will be held responsible if you don't do it.

So you are being commanded to do it whether you like it or not. But the bonus of this point is that it's actually us that need to do this as well for our own benefit. Despite the fact that we are being forced to do it by Allah, we get the benefit. Because we are all sinners by our nature.

"All of the son of Adam are people who make mistakes. They are sinners. But the best of those who make mistakes are those who turn back to Allah, making repentance."

And turning back to Allah means realizing that we have to make that change ourselves. That we have to put that effort in with our children. We have to give them our time.

مشكلة المجتمع المعاصر (The Problem of Contemporary Society)

The Government's Approach

And you will see that the way that our society is dealing with this problem is absolutely incorrect. You will see that the way that the government is dealing with this problem - and the problem is of materialism, and the problem is keeping up with the Joneses, and the problem is beating everyone else - this is a problem which is affecting everyone.

Never affected the Muslims traditionally. But now it is because we are part of the society. And so therefore the people are being encouraged to work more and more. And the expense of things is forcing the people to work more and more. Both parents.

And so therefore the tax relief that comes on having child care, and the credit that you can get is helped and increased. The idea of getting the women and the parents out, away from their children, and putting

the children in the hands of those people who do not have a vested interest in their education or upbringing, is an epidemic in our society.

The Muslim Response

And the Muslims have now become of that same level. And how do these people try and make it up to the children when they see them? You'll see that when they spend those few hours with them in the evening, when they come back from work and they've come back from the child minder, the child's too tired, he goes to sleep.

On the odd weekend they'll go out. Presents and presents are given. More and more presents because they feel guilty. Everyone - Muslim, non-Muslim - feels guilty when they can't spend time with their children. And presents are not going to fix it.

And this is the Muslim mentality as well. Taking them out to special places. Making them enjoy this. Take them to this film. Take them to that fair. Take them to this amusement park. Because you feel guilty. Because you're not spending time with them. This is your answer. This is your solution.

They don't need these presents or gifts. They need your presence. Not presents. Your presence. They need you there.

The Requirements of Tarbiyah

This is what Allah requires from you. This is what tarbiyah is. Tarbiyah is impossible without your presence being there. This is what Allah wants. And we are not going to be able to solve the problems that we have by just lifting our hands and making dua and hoping for a miracle. This is not going to be the responsibility of the masjid. No, you have to help the masjid.

You have to get involved with the masjid. You have to ensure that your children are prioritizing those things which Allah wants them to prioritize. So help the masjid and come.

And if you don't know what to do, don't conclude yourself in your house and just let things just go by. And continue bringing your children to mosque and then taking them back home in the evening, having no idea what they've learned, what they do and so on.

The Power of Example

And I will say and I will end this first part with this point. It doesn't matter how much hope and how much faith you put in other people teaching your children. It doesn't matter. But if you do not set the example - you as the single figure that they look up to most, and respect and love - and they do not see that coming from you, they will always know that whatever this thing they are being taught is second best. It must be. Must be second best.

If it's not good enough for my father, if it's not good enough for my mother, what's the point of this beard and this scarf if my mother doesn't wear it and my father doesn't? What's the point of reading this book when my parents never pick it up? What am I wasting my time for? They're doing great. They're enjoying themselves. We live in a nice house. We're enjoying life. So why should I bother doing all this backward stuff?

You will be held accountable. (وَاللهُ - wallah) - you have no doubt. We will all be held accountable by this continual boycotting of Islam in our own personal lives and in the lives of our children.

(Local Community Problems) مشكلة المجتمع المحلي

The Drug Problem

My brothers and sisters, just to focus on one aspect of the problem of our youth, and I'm not talking the youth of the world, I'll just make it easier, I'll make it the youth of Manchester, or the youth of just generally our larger area here.

You will have heard, for example, of the recent BNP campaign against Islam, using a picture of a heroin addict who died whilst taking heroin, with the needle still stuck in her arm, and she's on the floor in an incredibly emotional picture. And you will have seen the news about that, because the BNP then used that picture, without permission from the parents of that child, or that youth, and then put the title, that this is what Islam has caused in our country, blaming the Muslims, of course, because of the drug trade, and so on and so on.

And as usual, the normal voices for the Muslims started to respond, and saying this is ridiculous, and Muslims have nothing to do with this, and Islam has nothing to do with it. And the standard outcry and outrage was shown. But the Muslims here have missed the point.

The Muslims here have missed the point, because General Joe Bloggs doesn't care about everything else, and their stories, they just look to what's in their community. And what's in our community, have no doubt about it, that the Muslims have totally taken over, the running and the supplying of drugs.

Our Responsibility

And what's in our community, our blessed community, is responsible for a large amount of the drug taking in this community - Muslims and non-Muslims. What are the parents going to do about that? How are the parents going to live with themselves, when they, over the last 5 or 10 years, have been seeing these children, which they know, they have not been going to school, they have not been going to university or to college, but they are going away, and they are earning good money, and coming home with cars, and clothes, and so on, and turning a blind eye. This is the way that they wanted to bring up their children.

This is what they wanted to make of our community. My brothers and sisters, this is what we as Muslims, in all of our positions, face. This is the challenge that we need to deal with.

الدعوة للعمل (Call to Action)

Every Person's Responsibility

And every single person has a responsibility. Although I am complaining that the masjid cannot handle it, because it can't - it was not built to deal with all of these social problems without the help of the community - but we will say that we are working flat out to try and devise ways and ideas and concepts to try and bring our youth back under control, to try and give them something.

But I am telling you,(وَاللهُ - wallah) - that we are on the back foot when the parents themselves are not investing time when the children are young. This is something that you must understand.

And if you don't have children, then be scared, because (وَاللهِ - wallah) - having children in our time is a huge difficulty and a huge responsibility if you do not do it correctly. So we need to stand together. We need to recognize each of our own responsibilities, just as the hadith says:

- It didn't say that differentiating between the woman and the one who has children and not children.

No, all of you is a shepherd. And all of you will be held responsible for that who is under him.

الدعاء الختامي (Closing Dua)

We ask Allah to help us in this battle.

"O Allah, protect our children. O Allah, protect our children. O Allah, return us to Your religion, O Lord of the worlds. Our Lord, give us good in this world and good in the next world, and save us from the punishment of the Fire. Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves, and if You do not forgive us and have mercy on us, we will surely be among the losers."