Establishing Family Success
By Abu Eesa Niamatullah | 2026-01-10T12:26:55.679301+00:00 | Topic: Relationships
خطبة الجمعة: إقامة نجاح الأسرة
Establishing Family Success
الخطيب: الشيخ أبو عيسى نعمة الله
التاريخ: 30 مايو 2014
خطبة الحاجة )Opening Khutbah(
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds.
We praise Him, we seek His help, and we seek His forgiveness. And we seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our souls and from the evil of our deeds. Whom Allah guides, none will misguide him. And whom He misguides, none will guide him. And I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, alone, with no partner. And I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger. Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him and his family and companions.
الآية الكريمة Quranic Verse(
: قال الله تعالى
"O you who believe, save yourselves and your families from the Fire whose fuel is men and stones, over which are appointed angels stern and severe, who do not disobey Allah in what He commands them, and do as they are commanded."
(Authentic Hadiths) الأحاديث الشريفة
Hadith about Alhamdulillah
عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال:
(Sunan Ibn Majah Hadith 3803)
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "My slave did not give Me anything when he said 'Alhamdulillah' for something that I have given him except that what he gave back to Me was more than what I gave him."
Hadith about Maintaining Family Ties
عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال:
(Sahih al-Bukhari Hadith 2067)
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever would like his provision to be increased and his life to be extended, then let him maintain the ties of kinship."
Hadith about Prayer after Salah
عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال:
(Sahih Muslim Hadith 591)
It was the practice of the Prophet (peace be upon him) to say "Astaghfirullah, Astaghfirullah, Astaghfirullah" (I seek Allah's forgiveness) three times after completing the prayer.
Hadith about Sexual Desire
عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال:
(Sahih al-Bukhari Hadith 5096)
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "I have not left behind me a greater trial upon my ummah than women" (referring to the trial of desire).
مقدمة الخطبة )Introduction(
The Power of Praising Allah
My dear brothers and sisters, I begin by praising Allah. The ability to praise Allah is a blessing which actually many of us take for granted - a daily thing that we do subconsciously. Probably most of us in our prayers, maybe when we're giving thanks, I wonder whether we actually understand the power of praising Allah.
I say that because I don't give khutbah very often, and the benefit of doing that is that whenever I do give khutbah and I say the statements that are so common to all of you that you're sitting here and you hear "(الْحَمْدُ لِلهِ - Alhamdulillah)", and you're just hearing it and it's standard, you hear every Friday and I guess the body gets used to it. The mind gets used to it. Just like when you're praying and the Fatiha is recited and the prayer which should be an experience and a transformative experience instead just becomes just a rite of passage.
It just happens. It makes me smile when I think that it's the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him) that when one finishes from the prayer is to say:
Almost in an ironic kind of indication to just how much we failed in what should have been an opportunity to connect with Allah.
The Magnitude of Alhamdulillah
When I say it, I just wonder to myself: Really do I praise Allah properly? Am I really aware of my praising Him? Do I know really and live really my thanks to Allah? I just say this is a random point of benefit to myself and to you. The reason I make this benefit or this point of benefit is so that when you leave this khutbah, one of 52 khutbahs that you will hear in a year, I would appreciate if you actually think about what was just said as opposed to "It was Friday, went to Jummah, came back home, had lunch, just sure that it was a holiday."
Just to think about how you praise Allah and just say it at least once with meaning. If you say Alhamdulillah once with meaning, I swear to you by Allah, you will have done something so huge, you will struggle to be able to understand the magnitude of it. You know why? The Prophet (peace be upon him) said that Allah's blessings are infinite, millions. They can't be counted - (لا تُحْصَى - la tuhsa) - you can't enumerate them whether you think about the blessing of breathing, sight, eating, safe passage when you're traveling, a roof over your head, a smile when you walk in, not tears, a child who gives service to you. The blessings you can start and carry on counting.
All of those blessings the Prophet (peace be upon him) said that Allah has given to you. If you genuinely and sincerely say Alhamdulillah, just that statement, Allah has said that what you have given to Allah as saying Alhamdulillah is more than every single thing that Allah gave you - وَاللهِ الْعَظِيمِ - wallahul atheem - that's mind- blowing for the human mind to comprehend that kind of level of mercy.
(Main Topic) الموضوع الرئيسي
Saving Our Families from the Fire
I make this point upon the praise specifically because of what I want to speak to you about. Allah said:
"O you who believe, save yourselves and your family from the Hellfire."
Our family has different levels. We have the immediate family which is referring to our own children and our parents. Then you have the extended family which then by order of priority includes our brothers and our sisters and then our uncles and our aunts and then those which go across and then to the side and then down. Maintaining all of these ties and keeping in contact with them and serving these people and being good to them and every type of good, every type of sacrifice that you can do for their behalf is called (صِلَةُ الرَّحِمِ - silatur rahim) (maintaining those ties).
This is the source of all good in life. The Prophet (peace be upon him) told us that the one who wants to have barakah in his provision and increase in his life, then let him maintain the ties of kinship.
Establishing the ties, establishing the family, making a strong unit has a direct impact upon you as an individual in how blessed you are in your life and in your afterlife. That itself has a key role in how successful the community will be because the people who are maintaining a tight quality relationship at home will mean that they will be able to ensure a quality and tight relationship in society and the community. So the success of the community is based upon the success of your family.
ثلاث نصائح لتربية الأطفال )Three Key Tips for Raising Children(
My brothers and sisters, in this short reminder, I just want to give you three key tips to help raise the most important aspect of this family, which is your children.
النصيحة الأولى: القدرة على التركيز على غير المرغوب
Tip One: The Ability to Focus on Things Beyond Desires
The first of them: the ability to be able to focus on that which is not just what you're interested in. When you raise your child from a very young age, you will see that they have an incredible ability to be patient with very few specific things.
When they're very small, you pass them the rattle to keep them quiet. In this mundane next hour, all they would do is just shake this rattle. You can't hear it for more than 10 seconds, you want to go away, but they will just hold it and they will shake it.
Observe the baby. They have the ability with very few things to be able to have a lot of patience for a long time. TV - stick them in front of a TV channel. It doesn't actually matter what's on TV. As long as the pictures are moving, as long as there's sound coming out, you can stand in front of them, dance up and down. You can put your hands in front of them. They don't move. They don't see anything, don't hear anything. They are super focused.
That is the ability of the child. What's fascinating of course is that this ability of being able to focus on certain things is actually linked to our desires.
The Story of Prayer and Al-Isra wal-Miraj
Adults, we know as Muslims especially that we have a purpose in this life to worship Allah, but if worship was so easy then we do it naturally, but we don't. You agree with that? We don't. Because when the Prophet (peace be upon him) went to take the prayer from Allah - and how amazing is that story, of course, considering that we're in the time of Al-Isra and Al-Miraj.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) was given the prayer on this night. When he was given this prayer, the Prophet (peace be upon him) in his newness to the job - because it was new for the Prophet - when he went to Allah and he was given 50 prayers to pray, he was delighted with that. It was like "This is an amazing deal. I got to meet my Lord. I went through the heavens. I saw all of my brothers. I saw these incredible people and I've been given a gift by Allah."
When he came back, he's very happy to speak to Musa (peace be upon him). "You wouldn't believe - 50 prayers!" Musa (peace be upon him) is like, "Hey, I just want to tell you that you're not going to be able to handle 50 prayers. Your nation will not be able to handle that. Go back and ask for a discount. Let's try and bring that down, something more manageable."
Then in the authentic hadith that we know, we see a narrative played out which is nothing short of amazing. We see the Prophet (peace be upon him) go back and forth, back to Allah, back down, each time very happy, receiving 10% discount each time: 45, 40, 35, 30. Each time coming back, each time being told by Musa (peace be upon him): "Trust me, been there, done that. Your nation will not be able to handle this. Keep going back."
Out of respect to his older brother, he keeps going back. When he then eventually comes to Allah with the number on 10, the Prophet (peace be upon him) says: "Is it possible for a reduction?" Then it is as Allah has said:
"It is 5 and it is 50. I give you five prayers every day, five times a day, but its value will be 50."
What's fascinating about this - think of the psychology - is that Allah intentionally put the Prophet (peace be upon him) through this. You might normally say this is a game - Allah of course knows that He's going to give a number and the Prophet is going to come back and He's going to reduce it. So Allah knew that. So we need to think then what was the wisdom behind Allah putting the Prophet (peace be upon him) through that? Well, the answer is clear. It's so that the Prophet (peace be upon him) himself can appreciate the value of the prayer.
The Balance of Life
What's the other benefit from this? That actually our natural state, our day-to-day actions is not to pray. Our body is not made for 24 hours a day prayer, which was what would have had to happen if we had 50 prayers.
But it's not, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) said to Abdullah Ibn Amr: "Your body has a right upon you. Your family has a right upon you. Your wife has a right upon you" - meaning there's meant to be times when you're relaxing, when you're enjoying, when you're sleeping, when you're eating, when you're having relations.
What's the fascinating lesson from that is that therefore this describes a human being as a being who is struggling with his desires and his priorities. The desires are to sleep; priorities to wake up and pray. The desire is to eat, but the priority is to fast because it's Ramadan. The desire is to stay at home; the priority is to make the journey to Hajj.
Life is a constant battle between desires - things that we want to focus on - things that we should be focusing on. This lesson starts by teaching our children early.
When our children are given the rattle when they play with it, what they are exhibiting is their focus on a very small set of desires. But your children will be growing up soon and going to school. Your children will be growing up soon and need you to teach them Quran. And you know what? They don't want to go to school and they don't want to hear the Quran and they don't want to be taught about the deen because that's not the things they want to focus on.
Which is why when they are young, lesson number one is to start with the non-obvious things. Start with the skill of ensuring your children are able to focus on things that they're not interested in.
النصيحة الثانية: مفهوم التضحية
Tip Two: The Concept of Sacrifice
The second tip that you should practice as a parent - and again as we just gave the example before, take the benefit as an adult - it's a principle of doing to other people like what you want for yourself.
As a child, you will see that the basic principle is "me." When you give the child the toy, they want to play with it. They don't want to share it. Food, toys, games, activities, time at the table, time at the sport - me, me, me. And this carries on.
The earlier that you are able to instill in your child the concept of sacrifice, the concept that there are other people that need to be happy just like you need to be happy in order for the community to be happy, is a skill and a characteristic which you must bring into your children early. And of course, this is a religious Islamic principle as well.
To do unto others like you would do unto yourself, to treat others like you want to be treated, speak to others like you want to be spoken to. This Islamic concept will be born out of you introducing the principle to your children of being able to share with others.
النصيحة الثالثة: الإشباع المؤجل مقابل الإشباع الفوري
Tip Three: Deferred Gratification vs. Instant Gratification
This third principle is something which has been best illustrated in a study - a very famous study that was held in the 1970s. Some researchers gathered a group of four-year-old children. They said to the four- year-old children that "We're now going to take you into a room one by one. In this room, there's a table. On the table, a plate with a single marshmallow. You're going to go into this room. I just want you to hang around here. Just wait. I will be back in about 15-20 minutes. And if you can wait for me, there's a marshmallow there, you're free to eat that. But if you want, if you can wait for me, when I come back, I'll bring you a whole plate full of marshmallows."
So all of the children then were one by one led into this room. As you can imagine, the majority of the children, they waited, hang around, got bored. Look at the marshmallow, pop the marshmallow, end of story. The researcher comes back, marshmallow is gone. "Okay, you had your 20 minutes. You had your instant gratification. So you had your little patience, you took your immediate reward. (خلاص - see you later.)"
A few of the children, they held out. They looked at the instant gratification, they had the patience and they were happy with deferred gratification - the one that comes later, the reward which comes later.
The researchers went back to the same control group of children 20 years later at the age of 24 to see according to life measures, quality measures, just how much or not these children have developed in life, in social skills, in business, in education and so on. The life quality achievements showed that that small group of children were far more successful, more professional, more well off, more well-integrated in society than those that had taken the instant hit.
The Islamic Perspective on Deferred Gratification
What's the lesson, brothers and sisters? Is it haram to take instant gratification? No, it's not haram. But is deferred gratification better for you in this life? Yes. Question: Is it better for you in the afterlife? Absolutely.
What else is Islam other than the ultimate deferred gratification? What else is Islam other than being left to wonder and experience and explore life, go through a number of challenges and experiences? At every moment in every day, you have the opportunity to gratify yourself.
Think about the things that Allah has made haram - not because they are ugly or disgusting, but because Allah sees that the test is stronger in them. Think about alcohol, drugs, adultery - the most powerful emotion that any man will ever go through, the sexual desire. The one which the Prophet (peace be upon him) has specifically said: " (مَا تَرَكْتُ بَعْدِي فِتْنَةً أَضَرَّ عَلَى الرِّجَالِ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ - "I have not left behind me a greater trial upon my ummah than women" (meaning their beauty, meaning an illegal relationship)."
Why is it that we've been pushed away from all of these things? Because Allah is giving us a reward which is more than just a plate of marshmallows for pushing this single marshmallow away. Allah is teaching you a lesson.
This deen, this life is not about instant gratification because if you want then, you know what? You live the life of YOLO - "You Only Live Once" - and then you just go out there and you enjoy yourself. But you know what? Muslims don't live once. We live twice. This is the minor life and the real one is to come. And so therefore we don't fall for the trap of instant gratification. (إيمان - Iman) is deferred gratification.
الخطبة الثانية (Second Khutbah)
Our Responsibility to the Ummah
My dear brothers and sisters, it's often difficult for a Muslim to look at situations around the world where people are suffering - for whatever the reason, whether it's natural or political or military or whatever, and injustice and so on. Friday is normally the day where people kind of spare a thought, right? And normally the khatib will make a dua and you will feel a bit guilty and you say "Ameen."
And I want to say to you that this is the kind of superficial interest which is not deserved, not becoming of Muslims. If your contribution to their state is your little "Ameen" on the khatib's dua, then I just want you to question whether you are actually acting like a brother of the brothers and sisters who are suffering wherever they are.
I want to say to you that with a clear focus on the objective and with a clear understanding of your role, you can be more meaningful to the entire ummah and its problems. Never ever belittle the acts of good that you do, never ever belittle the acts of obedience that you have been commanded to perform. Everything has a significance in the wider game.
The Path to Recovery
But the majority of people is just not realistic. They need to concentrate on earning halal. They need to concentrate on not turning their children away from Islam. They need to struggle and ensure that their children don't just memorize the Quran mechanically and not knowing anything what it means, but that they actually want to connect to the Quran. They actually get excited by the Quran and what it promises.
والله - if you achieve this in your life, you have done a great service to the ummah because through that action Allah will send blessing down and it's only through His blessing that we are going to recover from the state that we are in.
I can tell you right now the words of Sayyidina Umar are timeless: "You will not beat them with your military power at all. The only way that you will beat them is with less sins, with closer taqwa."
الدعاء الختامي )Closing Dua(
We ask Allah to give us the tawfiq to worship Him in the best possible way. We ask Allah to give us tawfiq to raise our families in a way which is pleasing to Him and according to the Sunnah of the Messenger (peace be upon him). We ask Allah to bring ease to our brothers and sisters who are suffering around the world in the west and in the east and in every part where Your name is mentioned.
We ask Allah to send peace and blessings upon His Messenger and to bless us with His following and to bless us from not going astray from that Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him). We ask Allah to forgive our brothers and sisters who have preceded us in iman and to not allow in our hearts anything of spite and envy and hatred to be in our hearts because indeed O Allah, You are the Forgiving, You are the Merciful.
Establish the rows and establish the prayer.